Narcissists: The Big Con 

"We assume adults are adults." Sigh. We are dealing with children with a much higher vocabulary.

It's true. The dangerous assumption that we are dealing with the same empathy that we ourselves and most people have, is a massive mistake.

Yes, it's our own humanity we project on to these people. When u stop doing it you see what you're dealing with.

“I would never lie to you”. “I am the only person who never used you.” “No one will ever love you like I do.” “You will rue the day you lost the best man you’ve ever had” 10 years with malignant narc. Now, 1 1/2 years no contact. Life is peaceful.

Sounds harsh, but it helps for me to view them as subhuman. Us regular humans have empathy and the subhumans don't.

The part about them not being an actual adult is so true. When my narcissist would argue and fight, I noticed that I felt like I was arguing with a child or young teenager..and my ex was close to 30 years old. They are severely mentally and emotionally stunted

Amen. They live in a FANTASY world where they are the only important person, and they are always right and perfect. My narcissistic husband admits he got married and had kids because it "felt right" and he thought it would be easy. But because REALITY is not easy, he feels lied to and betrayed by the world... I don't understand how narcissists can last so long in reality, living in a fantasy, conning others and themselves.

Exactly. You think communication is happening when it is not. They live in their own bubble of delusion. You can't reach them. But you are guaranteed to get hurt by them one way or another.

My fairytale ended when I was 55. I was sitting in my castel tower, had everything I ever wanted. Well, in the beginning. After almost 3 decades I was in agony. Tumb and numb. In reality, my king was the wolf and I was his prey, livestock slaughter waiting for him to eat me. When he sent me in the woods instead to die I was free for the first time in decades. Frightened. I had panic attacks. Could not sleep. But what a relief to finally feel anything again! Because if you feel something, you are alive. Even if it's pain. With no pain no joy. When I avoided the pain, I shut out joy. Took me 27 years to learn that the hard way. So don't be afraid and don't wait 27 years. Take the pain, and joy will follow.

*Respect to All Going Thru It, & Much Peace To Those Guiding Those That are Struggling To Authentically Understand 💞

If someone does not give me a "warm and fuzzy" feeling inside my heart........i'm out.........❤

Watch how people treat others, they will eventuality treat you the same way.

I have an extensive psych background, but this is one of the very few vids I have seen on narcissism which doesn't put up objective boundaries and talk down as if in a lecture hall. Your presentation style feels extremely well informed, enough so to feel as though you were talking to me across a table. It feels very much more like being addressed, than being lectured. And it hits on all cylinders. Thank you.

The worst is that, in the beginning, these people actually showed behavior that pushes us to trust them, in their good days they can be funny, charismatic, understanding, helpful... It is IMPOSSIBLE for the brain to not be fooled... But in their bad day... Yeah, it is just easier to assume everyone is a potential narcissist until proven otherwise

WOW! The feeling “I should have known” is part of that brain functioning. There’s NO WAY I could have known that my father was part of the “big con”. I was a child, seeing with my child-brain. Then, when I met the now-ex-partner, I saw him with that same child-brain, because he was so much like my father! Some people’s behaviors are outlandish enough that I can “see” the “con”, and the ones who hide who they are, are more difficult to identify. Such an amazing insight, Little Shaman! Thank you for your wisdom - again!❤

Excellent. Finally understand this. Took 50 years.

It’s really nice to have a Shaman to explain this so well. Thank you

I'm picturing R2D2 frantically saying," Does not compute. Does not compute." Yes, dead eyes. Is this a mechanism in how their eye and brain is perceiving things? The ' Looney lights' also come to mind.

Wow, another excellent video. "This is just not a person who can understand that other people matter... In reality communication with this person is just not possible." Powerful stuff and articulated perfectly. Thank you little Shaman.

Wow the of "course you matter, didn't they give you a bite of their sandwich" really hit home. My ex pathological narc would even say that I was the only person he would share his food with 😮 and me at the time looking for any scrap of proof that I mattered to him - that's all I got.

So so so unfortunately true. And people who have not experienced this behavior cannot understand, frustrating, angering, confusing you even more. They say just get away from them, and it is almost impossible. You see it, you know it, you know what they are doing but your brain and emotions do not match up. Scary, creepy, just OFF humans. You realize it late in the game, and it causes so much pain, confusion, damage. Dangerous. Get away however you can and stay away. Be strong. They will destroy you.

Are narcissists shadow people without a soul.

This hit the nail on the head.

No contact period Moving forward backward never.😃👍

Couldn't have been explained any better.

I had to unlearm so many narcissistic thought patterns and behaviors that I picked up in my family of origin. I'm grateful to so many people that called me out, held me accountable, and helped teach me to be better. I keep learning and growing and its so much easier than all the chaos of my past. Thats one of the weirdly sad parts, that learning how to be an actually kind human makes everything easier. It's easier to be trustworthy and compassionate. It's easier to listen to each other and understand each other and give each other grace with reciprocity. Narcs are taking the hard road and making the rest of us miserable.

You should really do a dramatized movie at this point. It would be helpful, entertaining and profitable.

Spent so much on a lady who was cheating all along. Broke my heart.

❤Super crazy-good podcast!!! THANK YOU!!❤

My brain nearly exploded! 🤯 I'm listening to the whole video again, to be able to process it all! Love Little Shaman's explanations! It not only educate me on the subject of narcissism, but it is also a brain workout, it awakens the mind!

The realization that your brain wants to believe that there is hope I’m realizing right now that it will continue to do this…

That's a profound insight. Not that they are the way they are, but that our brains aren't wired to automatically deal with them. ( Or to deal with them at all,I guess)

He told me, we speak a different language! And thats true….. he stucked in the language of a 3-8 year old. Makes Kognitive Dissonance is inside our brains. No chance to understand each other!

After a nice interaction with others while shopping, the other day, a stalker met me at the enclosed shopping cart return. His eyes and body language gave him away. As I left the cart and my deposit for it and got away, in a moment, the conditioning from my abusers that other abusers and money are more important than my safety and sense of self was undone. Thanks L.S.

This perspective is gold. Thank you

This is absolutly the truth!What the demon says is not what they think.They exist in that. Feel safe in that space!The rest of us are confused,so "we"have to see them the way they are,broken and lying about it.I broke free because ,I saw the lie,and chose the truth.Thanku Ma'am.!They cover contempt ,with the illusion of love.Your input is so important!

Hello little shaman this is something I normally would not do cuz I'm not a social media person you were the first set of videos that I stumbled upon in the beginning of my recovery your videos have been some of the most powerful impactful help to my road of recovery I want a publicly thank you for all that you have done for me unknowingly countless others thank you thank you thank you I so appreciate you what an angel you are continue to do what you're doing it changes life's 🙏🙏🙏👏👏👏

The doll/robot analogy is a breakthrough concept. 👍

I’m blown away every time at how accurate and articulate you can be! Thank you again

Wow! Whew! This is good. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thing that has helped me is not only videos like this, but making my determination about someone and when I’m around them it’s like I’m reading from a script in my mind “you cannot trust what they’re saying, they don’t really x, y, z like they are saying” and it helps me to not be fooled. Because I’m so sick of getting wrapped up in the con. This has helped me to protect myself and not get comfortable around these kinds of people when I’m interacting with them. Oh, and when setting a boundary with them which has been the most difficult thing because they act nice and try to smooth everything over making me feel like I’m wrong, OR, they are angry and making me feel like I’m wrong, I have to think to myself “this is what I want” and “I don’t want them doing this” even when they’re smiling at me and being friendly, or acting like I’m doing something wrong. Because I know what I wanted before I ever had the conversation. I just stick with the script.

"The Little Shaman, from discovery to recovery..." Discovercovery.

Their eyes. It's always the eyes. I remember reading and reading and becoming almost obsessed over Bundy when I was in my 20s. [The Vanity Fair article especially hit me, didn't really need that much detail in my head]. Trying to understand how a "human" could act this way...not realizing I was actually trying to understand narcissism and psychopathy. But his eyes. His eyes in every photograph, every video, on the TV live... His eyes were dead, or as though they were never alive in the first place. Same with BTK, same with Dahmer. Like a black hole...just endless need and self focus. Pictures of Bundy smiling were the worst because beyond the atrocities this "person" committed, his eyes were the same laughing scowling or just sitting there.. Always dead. My own "mother" and my ex have the same kind of look in their eyes... "dead," but also constantly trying to judge if they are faking being human well enough today. Perhaps the dead look is because they are so self focused even their eyes don't look out..just inward.

So sad that they live this way. Still trying to process this in my mind. I had hope years that they would open their eyes and want a change of life. I had to let go, hurt even more when it's an adult child, and you seeing your grandchildren will never happen. But I forever still love them.

damn mine didn't even give me one more spoon of cereal when i asked 😢

why is it that others around me could easily see it but i couldn’t? is it because i wanted it to be true so i ignored my intuition ?

You truly are incredible, Little Shaman! You help me so much to understand narcissism. Thank you so much.💜

Thank you for such clarity. Straight forward. I needed these exact words.

Amazingly well explained. Every single time. Thank you 🙏🏼

Narcissists on both sides of the family ----- i never could place my finger on what i was dealing with when i was young ---20s - 40s. The closest i ever came to a description of my inlaws ( 4 of them ) was that they wanted to own another human being. They had their own powerful cult .

Thank you for the work that you do.

This explains the frustration we feel when taking time and patience talking to them but they keep acting the same ways ,as if they never heard what was said.No matter how many times and different ways ,they just don't understand.

Again, what a powerful message. 10 years after the realization and subsequent divorce, 5 years of Therapy, and yet, I bought into “dad” crying about our youngest son. It took my oldest son reminding me that “dad” was crying because his usual tactics were no longer working on my youngest son.

Hey LS. True this. I recently watched an old film from the late 80’s called “They Live”. A sci fi film about a group of people that had special sunglasses and when they wore them they could “see” who was human and who were aliens. The aliens caught onto this and went about silencing the people who “saw” them. Watch the film if you get chance, as I think it’s a metaphor for seeing narcs. Anyway, that’s what narcs are like. They are everywhere amongst us. When you get an ick about someone don’t ignore that. Our gut feelings are way faster than our brains. When I get that initial gut “seeing them” I don’t ignore that. I think they actually know when they meet someone who can “see them”, they get real glitchy. They double up on the mirroring. I thank the lord for my dogs as you don’t get any of that bullshit with them, they are real. People are a consistent source of disappointment and fakery in my experience a lot of the time, peppered with the occasional “real” one like you LS. Thank the lord 🙌🏽 Bless you LS 🕊️

The intricacies of this are so interesting. Gonna listen again. On another YT channel, they’ve also talked about narcissists being on the long con. It’s often said that a narcissist shows their true colors, within days, weeks or months. But, there are some, who are on the long con. You may not know who they really are - for decades. That’s why it’s also said that a narcissist can hide in a family, for years, quietly causing destruction, while everyone thinks it’s everyone else, while that narcissist is insidiously manipulating, triangulating and destroying that family, from the inside out. They may also come out of all of it, smelling like a 🌹. In my own family dynamic, where it was really just a mother and 2 daughters, other than for the fact that parents are automatically canonized to sainthood by society, without question, most looking from the outside in, seeing my mother as a very perfect human being who, simply had the misfortune of giving birth to 2 rotten daughters. I remember my mother wanting all 3 of us to get together for lunch one time and it was at a time when my sister and I were really polarized, perhaps, by my mother beginning to show some serious disorder issues. I said to my mother, “You seem to want the 2 of us to get into a room and kill each other, while you sit back and act like you didn’t understand what happened.” There was absolute silence. I can only say that, as per knowing my mother , silence probably meant, “Well, you’re right, but not as long as I don’t actually admit it. Perhaps, my silence means we can still make this happen…”

Brilliant.

The laughter is usually the first thing I notice. People who laugh out of context, or under the breath, usually ick me, but I'd usually just shun it as "everyone is different, some people are odd", but I've learned to discern this from people who are autistic, schizophrenic/schizotypal or just nervous. It tends to be at the same time forced and exhude some sort of contempt, sometimes "histrionicity" too, like big and theatrical rather than natural. There was somewhat recently a girl on SBSK who's both sociopathic and autistic and she was talking about that, to paraphrase "the autism is harder to hide, I get really confused, with the sociopathy I can just huhuhuhu laugh, ee-hmm..." The first psychologist I went to would constantly giggle out of nowhere on the phone, but I just thought "eh, she might just have heard something funny and was trying to contain herself, or she's just a little odd". Turned out to be the worst human interaction I ever had, no other psychologist since then has been like that, and not even the narcissistic people I have on my life were so hateful. That being said, in general I tend to think _nothing_ is what it seems, my hand may secretly be made of jelly inside, or we might be living on a simulation, or Truman's show, just _maybe_ , but I do technically know I'm the odd one out in that regard and that most people wouldn't tolerate to live like that if they tried. I see people behaving like a kid, I see a kid, I see people behaving like a woman, I see a woman, I see kids behaving like adults, I see an adult - well, more or less. Of course there are other practical implications to all of those examples, though.

Such a great video! Thank you little shaman

Excellent 👋 Thank you ❤

You make everything crystal clear and I love it. Thank you also for reminding me that it is normal to fall for the con game again because our brains function like normal, adult people. Hopefully, I won't forget again what the Narcissist is exactly. No access (my boundary) is now in place and god help me, will remain as such. 🙏🌷💖

They are BIG PAMPERS😂

Yes to no contact. Even only discussing the schedule of our children he has used to get out of every weekend by lying continuously and sending so many messages to muddy even finding the relevant ones regarding the changes, so then asks to show proof wasting my time searching through love bomb to discard 100s of one sided correspondence. I just let him think he is winning and keep the kids when he doesn't want them. I'll search for them when the inevitable court battle ensues and he tries to claim I am keeping them from him, major eye roll. You literally can't win with them. No contact or grey rock is the only way. This was a very important video on these toddlers in adult skin suits. Sending strength to everyone going through this level of psychological warfare or healing from it. You find yourself after you leave, stronger and more resilient than you ever thought was possible. Their karma is everyday being themselves, what a miserable existence.

This is such important and invaluable information. Once understood, brings so many pieces together to make a very clear picture. As disturbing as it may be, it's the reality of the many roots of Narcissism. Thank you, Little Shaman!

Damn. This,sums up exactly what I experienced two years ago with my narcissistic family. I suddenly REALIZED that there is NO way to communicate or get through to them and communicate because THEY don't want it, never did, never will. All the explaining, talking etc. is a con for more manipulation. Miraculously I lost all desire to deal with them and silently walked away except for one sister . I did explain this to her regarding a series of events occurring since 2016 when i rejoined family after a 25 year absolute no contact. By 2019 they had all reverted to type except the one sister. My youngest sister I still want revenge on her as she caused HUGE damagealthough I don't hate her emotionally I hate her spiritually. I see the EVIL she chose. You absolutely right. I played back so many of her interactions with other people and completely understood how no one matter to her-even her own husband-its all theater- a BIG CON. WOW!!!!

Great video

My parents were covert, sadistic, malignant narcissists, my father in academic psychological research (he cut up small animals' brains while they were alive, and faked his data), and my mother was just a world-class gifted con artist. But the methodologies, limitations, and boundaries of therapy were used to torture and abuse me -- I was raised like a client in some twisted delinquency program. So therapy makes things worse, can't actually address my issues, and abandons me just as soon as therapists realize my situation. So I have had to do work on my own, especially with trust issues, because until I do the work, i will be very lonely. But it's slow foing trying to validate my own thinking. Few books address anything like the degree of hell and torture I went through, and it feels very sterile and clinical and disappointing. These podcast vids on YT are doing me a world of good, validating my perceptions, letting me shake off mountains of doubt, in ways that therapy never could help me. Your plain, direct language -- not trying to get me to come up with the ideas myself, not trying to direct me, just saying it plainly and bluntly and openly is a real balm to my soul. You've probably added years to my life, as much lighter as I feel. Anyway, I don't mean to fixate, I'm just expressing tremendous gratitude. If you ever see this, Thank you.

Thanks!

L.S., you're good. 😊

Thank you so much, ❤

Brilliant. Thank you.

Hey Shaman fantastic videos. Love them you helped me recover from my 5 year abusive relationship with my ex. I have a video idea for you to consider, addressing your “hate mail”, and breaking down what techniques they are using to get a reaction from you. Just a thought, thanks again little Shaman!

So interesting!

I love how well you avoid attaching that "computer generated" VOICE within your info! Furthermore you strike my thoughts to be my Most Favorite Aunt of whom dialogue is felt with Love that has ENOUGH Emotion to Wake the Families Dead!

When and how does that traumatic realization (that the world doesn't revolve around us, 10:15) typically happen for a non-narcissistic person? Is there a term for that, so I can read more about it? That's interesting for me, because although I can't go back in time to know what was happening in my narcissistic mother's life I was there to witness it (or the refusal to come to terms with it) for my golden-child narcissistic sister. I was writing about a memory yesterday, and I got stuck in trying to describe how she made a transition from screaming and crying to get her needs met to screaming and crying to get what she wanted--and how that new phase never really ended. It evolved, but her primary technique to get what she wants is still to get so furious and upset that it's like witnessing an explosion. She keeps it buttoned down pretty tight, but it's always there. And once she knows you've seen it, you're dead to her. Forever.

That is sooo true. I’ll never forget when we watched the movie illusion and he wanted to rewatch it. I said that’s cool. Having absolutely no idea what was really going on. I had no idea. Especially covert narcissists. Why this is kept from normal good people is beyond me ever ever to understanding it let alone wrap my head around it. Add TBI, 57 staples to then trying to understand.

Sanpaku eyes.

There are a anime called Frieren, I saw a lot of analogies when compared with narcissists. The mage says that there are demons capable of language, they use language to deceive, it is the only goal in communication. The demon even confess to another that it will say anything, no matter what, even if they doesn't understand what is being said. What matter for the demon is what appears. The language was a tool to deceive, and they only can operate in this way

U r amazing

The kind-hearted, loving, alcoholic, friendly - (probably borderline) - homie of mine - (who was promising me so much - before he got his inheritance, -< that the "Spirits" (booze entities) possessing him would never allow him to give>), had recently became coerced into compliance with the narcissist psychopath I'd - sadly - resided with a decade ago. He just couldn't heed my warnings about him, (as a loving Pollyanna, he couldn't understand,) until the fleshsuit / narcissistic black hole stole - hundreds of dollars - and even his van from him. (He got it back, but the asshole fake-dad was "saving him from drunk driving." This fragile, old, drunken "hippie" was telling me something about his _EYES_, and how he'd use them to do weird psychic control trips on him. Like, he could simultaneously control his psychically weak, drunk ass AND he could see the emptiness and barrenness - cold nothingness in the eyes. SO weird. ****** On another note, something else you said in this reminded me of another funny (slightly unrelated) thing. Sometimes (when I get tired of frying my eyeballs reading,) I right-click my mouse on the "READ ALOUD" function. Naturally, as a straight man, I preferred to make it a "woman's voice." Well, last year, it sounded like a woman robot. But the AI technology has improved so much, for 2024, they've made it sound totally different - NOW, it sounds JUST LIKE A REAL WOMAN reading the lines. It is TRULY scary how much it sounds like a human being, just like the narcissist as you've said. Thanks again!

What happens when you see through them and let them go before meeting them?

Thank You For 🔯 Your Service 🌞🌈 Allah Hu AUM ❤️‍🔥

but narcissists are extremely charismatic that is part of the con

Your channel is so informative and I love it! Thank you, LS!

I look forward to these Little Shamen videos - always makes me feel better.