Hi Paul, thank you for sharing your story. I was hoping you could offer some advice. I recently left my narcissistic husband, but we have a child together and share custody. However, I have noticed that my son seems very unhappy when he is with his father. I am concerned about his well-being, especially since my ex husband has a tendency to overreact and become angry over small things. Do you have any tips on how I can support my son in this situation, based on your own experiences?
Hello, sorry for the delayed response as I have not been doing any uploading recently! This is a tricky situation, as you share custody and your ex still has legal rights to spending time with your child. With that said, he can still have a negative impact on your child. If I were you, is it possible to accompany your children while they visit their father? I know it doesn’t sound ideal, but in all honesty the worst thing is when children are left alone with narcissists, as that is when the narcissist will show their darker side and try to either abuse them when no one is looking or influence them in some negative way (I saw my mother do this with her grandchildren). Really, the worst thing is for those children to be alone with their father. Even if he doesn’t abuse physically, he will still try to get into their head somehow and likely turn them against you as that’s what narcs do. Speak to your children and ask them what is happening during visitation.
@@pault9544 Hi Paul, Thank you for taking the time to reply to my questions. Your thoughtful response speaks volumes about your character. Everything you mentioned in your reply is true. When my child is with my ex, I am not allowed to be there. There's no evidence suggesting he's a danger to them,; I guess my son is not able to understand his dad’s behaviour. I feel helpless and at a loss. All I can do now is pray, love them, and see how things unfold. Thank you so much for your support. I hope you are well. I miss your videos, even though they can be hard to watch sometimes. Lots of love from United Kingdom
Living through this as a child is terrifying. Unless you've been through it, no one really believes us or understands that a parent can be this damaging.
So true! The worst part or narc abuse is no one believes it! That's why the only thing we can do is advocate for ourselves and leave these toxic people.
@@pault9544 What's sad is that it'll take years and lots of emotional energy to undo the damage -- mainly because we usually don't find out about NPD until we're adults. And then we're left with a slew of mental health issues like anxiety, depression and cptsd to deal with once we manage to break free. I don't think people can comprehend the evil in narcissists. They are destroyers.
I have noticed this trend with coworkers and bosses. Whenever they snap at people for making common mistakes, I know they have narcissistic tendencies and were probably raised by controlling parents. When they expect gifts and get offended over the quality of the gift...they are likely a narcissist. I have learned this the hard way. You cannot please these people and you have to keep them at an emotional distance.
Hey Paul, so I just discovered ur channel after seeing ur comment under a mutual channel’s video on narc parents… I enjoyed listening to ur video and was wondering why u stopped posting to ur channel. I found ur content/story relatable and makes me feel a little less alone in this ‘fight’. Anyway, I do hope you’re well, know that ur not alone and keep up with your healing! Glad to hear ur in education bc people with experience like ours are needed as counselors and educators in the system. 💛
Hi Sun Rise! Thank you for watching my channel and I'm glad you found the videos helpful. Unfortunately, do to just being very busy in school right now (getting my teaching degree) I have not had the time as much as I wanted to upload. I do hope to upload more soon. There's definitely not enough awareness on narc abuse out there. Despite narcs really being everywhere, unless you've had close dealing with them for some extended time to observe their behavior and come to the conclusion somethings not right, most people down play Nabuse and don't see the pathology behind it. I am still healing myself from this abuse. Wishing you well 🙏🏼
Maybe its both becoming more aware and them (the siblings) acquiring the narcissistic trait. I can relate my own experience so much to your story. Many Children of narcs tend to grow into narcs themselves, with multiple siblings, one is bound to become the aware scapegoat. Its been crazy journey to realize and finally have a label for the toxic dynamics within my family, at an adult age, when I ended up stuck going ‘back home’ after my unexpected divorce. I was a child prior so I couldnt have known that much info on the subject… though I wish I did bc Id have chosen a dif path. I ended up in hell but my eyes were opened to my own traumas and toxic conditioning; now re-traumatized, I have to find my way out to then heal myself as an adult. I hope ur doing well and more healed today than how u felt at the time u made this video. Much light and healing vibes to you 🤗
It is sad but I have come to see how some of my siblings (im one of 6), though not full blown like my mom, have grown up to have some strong narc traits. I didn't see it for a long time until one day in my healing journal I was able to pin point their behavior as not normal, but indeed toxic. Really the best way to heal is to detach from them and grow in your truth.
I relate to everything you said. Now that we're aware of the narcissist's manipulation tactics, we can turn the tables and expose them. I come from a large family as well and all of my siblings have some degree of narcissism. I think that's the norm. Unless you're really willing to do the hard work to undo toxic normalized behavior, it just gets passed on. Sounds you're on the road to healing. The numbness will go away. It's a shock when we finally see what's going on, and it takes time to work through it. You'll find yourself.
Well said. The narcissistic traits in my siblings has taken a while for me to finally see but it has become pretty clear these past two years. Some of them have an "everyone is out to get me" mentality and have interpreted my actions as malicious when it was literally just me needing time to work on myself. I just think they're unaware that they have them and haven't done the work to really analyze narc abuse on a deeper level. Healing is definitely a daily process, but I'm gonna keep on working until I get there. Thanks for the insight!
Hi Paul, couple yars ago I´ve been feeling exactly as you describe. Couple of months ago I had my worst episode (my 3 worst days). I just hope you´re feeling better.
Thank you for your comment Juan. While I do struggle still with my mental health, in many ways I'm doing MUCH better than when I recorded this over a year ago. I had to do work to get out of the numbness I was feeling, but the more I began to feel the more I could focus on my passions again. This has helped me to get a sense of purpose back. Back then I was suicidal pretty much everyday, and now I don't have days like that anymore. It can get better even if you don't believe it will. I Hope you're doing ok as well. Stay strong.
I am sorry to hear what you're going through. Know that you can get to a better place. I did not believe that at the time of filming this, but I eventually got out of that dark period by depending on others when I needed and starting out with little things, spending time out in nature, just telling myself to make it through one day at a time. Thankfully I *am* doing way better now. The trick with depression is you really, really do believe you'll never get out when you're in it. I certainly thought so. It is a process, and it may take months, to a year even, but you can start shifting your brain to get out of that terrible loop it's in. Trust me, I know it felt like torture. Just hang in there friend.
Thanks for posting this! It is hard to find any videos of people taking about getting off medication. I’m on bupropion too and I think I’m ready to stop it. It definitely doesn’t seem to be helping me, only limiting my mind. Hope you are still doing well!
As of now I still struggle with depression, but I do have good days, and honestly being on the meds didn't really make a huge difference if any. I'm glad this helped! :)
I know EXACTLY what you are going through. What triggered my existential anxiety was DP/DR (I’m not sure if you know what that is). I’m in school for my masters too. I didn’t do so well because of this existential thoughts. In DP/DR I was emotionally numb too. Those thoughts are scary AF. I explained it to my mom. I didn’t want to scare her. My BF really don’t get it. He believes I’m throwing the relationship away but I am not. Bottom line I know what you going through.
I meant to reply to this comment a while back. I hope you are doing better and I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through. For me, I am doing much better now, but I learned that I simply had to stop obsessing over the existential thoughts. I've shifted my focus now onto my internship, my passion, and getting back to me. I've simply come to the conclusion for now that there's some things in the universe we can not answer, and some things we just have to accept the uncertainty, or we can just choose to believe in what we want. It's hard, but the more you try to focus on other things rather than trying to comprehend the secrets of the universe everyday, the more you can return back to a state of normalcy and get on with your life. Hang in there. Focus on whatever your passion is and simply be present. Over time your mind will learn to push all those existential thoughts to the background and they'll no longer be in the forefront of your mind anymore.
@@pault9544 thank you so so much for your response. I am doing better. I have moments as always but I noticed my mind shifts to things on the outside. I am getting ready to do music again so guitar lessons, draw….like when my mind unlock I have the motivation and I am able to present with my parents. I went Out last night and had a ball in 2 years! Dancing eating drinking it was fantastic. I am praying for more days like this like how I was years back before this happened.
I'm going through that but slowly improving. I think I've lost some weight, it hit me like a wall after Christmas. I've also gone through dp/dr in the past but able to deal with it better. You guys are incredibly strong to be able to still go to work and endure this. I kinda wish something could wipe my memory from what triggered this terrible way of thinking.
Thank you for your strength. It's interesting how the meaningless, hopeless states are mutually exclusive from more balanced, happy states. They both make each other seem impossible. I have spent many years not caring so much that life is meaningless. I could laugh at the thought and go on with my life. Recently, after a bought of intense panic attacks something "clicked" in my brain and it felt like everything in life lost its human coloring. Art seems pointless, music seems pointless. Love and relationships seem like pointless chemical reactions. Friends and family have helped me get through the days and without them I wouldn't be around. Your videos came to me from the ether of millions of videos and it feels like I'm talking to someone who really understands. Thank you, again.
Also how incredible there is a "you" in there that fought through it the whole time, sometimes without even feeling your morals and values to be valid or true. What part of us fights when we feel like we're gone?
You're totally right, those states really are exclusive from each other, like two separate realms, dimensions, this is why people who in general are happy people and don't struggle with mental health issues just can't understand what we go through. There's a multitude of reasons we developed anhedonia, for me it was trauma, I've heard of it coming from panic attacks too. I think what happens is when the brain has been through more than the psych can really process, it just shuts down. People really do help. It's a big part of how I made it through when I was suicidal. Something about their presence or words can give us just enough nudge to not give up. I still struggle with depression, but I'm out of the realm of being tortured by my thoughts, and when I used to he tortured by my thoughts, I really was convinced I was never going to make it out. So I just tell myself, if I could make it out of this state where I thought it would never end, then I can hope to make it out of the state I'm currently in too. I'm glad my videos have helped!
Can I say, that while I continue to struggle with crushing depression that my faith has been such a blessing. When every _single_ person in my life either failed or rejected me, God was there. If you ever want to see the true character of a person...go through a time of struggle. It's shocking the amount of narcissism at work within our culture. We need God's love more than ever!
Hey Paul, thanks for the videos. Hope you're doing better. I like you, suffered from bouts of depression and anxoety my while life. Just yesterday, like a lightswitch, I had this realization that life is meaningless, all my goals were pointless, I was worried about my aging parents, mortality, and all that. Lots of crying and wondering what to do next. Wondering if I reached thr endgame in my thought process and anything else is futile. However, I made an appointment to see a therapist today and will probably seek medication if appropriate. I'm trying to surrounded myself with friends and family and remain positive, but it's difficult. However your videos have been comforting in a way to know I'm not alone in this way and I do truly hope you are getting better each day.
Hi K Rocks, The thoughts about life being meaningless and pointless is the depression speaking. Making the appointment to see the therapist is a good step. I totally understand how it can be difficult to remain positive even when you're around family and loved ones, I've definitely been there and a lot of times I did feel miserable amongst them, but as time went on I did get better, despite how convinced I was things weren't! Just keep on taking the right steps to get help and support and you *will* get better!
Have you figured out what was depressing you, darling? I’m just watching this 1 month after. I do hope you feel ALIVE again. From the bottom of my heart.
Thank you so much for your comment. Healing has been a very gradual process but I do believe I'm getting there. I do have another video on my channel where I talk about how this all started, but I have since healed a lot since then. Peace and love 🙏🏼
As long as you do RU-vid, you can't ignore the algorithm, but no matter how rough the RU-vid environment is, you can sweetly change the thumbnail you see right in front of you, but you must not miss what you want to do with yourself. It may be very difficult to climb this steep RU-vid road, but if you are not attached to the results right now and feel grateful for the little things that grow little by little, even if it is very slow, think of it as a backpacking trip to go far and far alone, and if you keep walking step by step, I will I have a feeling of certainty and faith that your dreams will come true without knowing it. I have a feeling that your RU-vid will surely succeed. So I think it would be best to keep focusing on what I want to do at that time and now. RU-vid seems like a long-distance marathon. Please make more good videos from you in the future. RU-vid Algorithm introduced me here. Thank you for the space-like algorithm that made it possible to see good videos. It will be difficult for anyone to know all of your hard work in video production unless you try it yourself. like everything else As if nothing is easy in the world, it will be difficult for anyone to understand all of your hard work in video production unless you try it yourself. Thank you for letting me enjoy your precious video in this harsh RU-vid world, where it is difficult to grow without your own love, passion, and loneliness. The growth of a RU-vid channel seems to have a beginning and no end. As much as you have worked hard for your dreams, I hope that you will grow as big as possible.
Hey man, I’m really sorry to hear that. You can definitely get better though. I’ve since healed a good amount since this video and am doing a lot better than I was back when this was posted. I didn’t used to be one for antidepressants but I believe it may have helped a lot, I’ve been on them now for about 5 months and the obsessive thinking I used to have is much more under control now and I can focus on a lot more things. Hang in there bro reach out for help, it’s not something you can do alone.
@@pault9544 thank you bro. I appreciate you replying back. I'll keep fighting and hanging there as long as I can bro. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better. I wish you the best my friend! Continue to heal!
Hi, I guess it depends on what type of anxiety. I've dealt with many of panic attacks before, I don't know if you're familiar with any of the breathing exercises one can use to combat a panic attack. This website describes some of those anxieties.com/57/panic-step4/ This has been one of the ways I've dealt. Another way that may sound counterintuitive is to take the panic attack head on and allow yourself to experience the uncomfortable sensations that come along. I hope you find what works for you.
I totally relate to the feeling of total numbness from depression, for me it was caused by "Pure O" ocd / intrusive thoughts. Honestly you may be experiencing something similar, obsessing about existential questions can be a form of ocd. I recommend trying erp therapy (exposure and response prevention). The therapy exercises were brutal at first, but it pretty quickly helped me get total control of my ocd and eventually ended my depression. I recommend reading Dr. Steven Phillipson's articles online and possibly getting in touch with their institute, they have a lot of great psychologists trained specifically with this form of ocd, and they helped me immensely. Best wishes!
Thank you for the info! Yes, I’ve read up on Pure OCD and I’m 100% sure I have that. I’ve dealt with intrusive thoughts not just with existential things but related to other things such as identity for several years. It started getting particularly bad in my early 20s where I felt an urge to repeat thoughts in my mind that bothered me. I’m really glad to hear that treatment worked for you, I’ll definitely look into the people and institute you mentioned. Thanks ~ 🙏🏼
I've been dealing with similar stuff for almost two years now, existential intrusive thoughts and numb depression. I have tried everything to fix this but nothing really works, at this point I just hope it goes away on it's own.
I'm really sorry to hear that, I feel your pain. For me it's been about 5 months, I've been on anti-depressants which seems to help calm the intensity of the thoughts, but some days are still really overwhelming for me. Same here with the numb depression, I still try to distract myself with the things I used to enjoy, even if I can't enjoy them that much. I'm sort of hoping the same too, that hopefully over time the meds will click, some people who I know went through similar stuff said that meds have worked wonders but it took several months and a lot of trial and error between different ones. I've heard of people that made it through stuff like this when they thought they'd never get out, so I'm not giving up hope.
I completely relate to you. Ever since the "Trigger" life's been hard very hard. Everyday I wake up my ocd just won't shut up about this crap. You sound just like me everything your saying wow. I remember before all this I was depressed but man I didn't know what depression was,,,, I had my own beliefs but when the trigger happened... Idk what to believe anymore like you said. I feel disconnected from everyone. I have MCDD an OSDD-1B whenever I get stressed derealization sets in everyone feels so distant from me that it hurts me so much... I keep hearing everything is pointless that because of you know what there's no point. But I keep saying that maybe with my pain I can try to help people, try to love everyone because I think what this has tought me. Not the theme of my ocd but the suffering from it has tought me that everyone hurts an that if we stick together that's something worth believing in. Meaning no matter what I wanna spit in the face of my depression, spit in the face of the voices in my head that say everything is pointless. An chose to love everyone.
I think it’s good that you have that attitude of trying to help others through your pain. That’s part of why I wanted to upload this video, I hope that other people will see it and know they’re not alone and they’re not crazy. The spiraling thoughts is the worst part I know, sometimes I have to just stop completely because my brain starts to actually physically feel fatigued and burned out - our brains weren’t really meant to be able to compute all these big (not to mentioning contradicting) philosophical questions all at once. Unfortunate some of us have the compulsion to do so. Stay strong, hang in there 💪🏼
@@pault9544 Thank you for making the vid it really helps to relate to someone cus with this you can't talk to anyone cus no one cares about it not in a bad way but more in a they don't understand way. You stay strong okay?
@@user-tl6he1mn7s hey, thanks for asking! I’m doing ok. Some things have been better like over all mood but I still am feeling trapped I this existential ocd awareness thing ya know? I’ve been kind of feeling recently like there’s no way out of it. At least, I don’t really know of anyone personally who’s been able to personally overcome it. I know there’s been people who have been able to overcome really severe depression but idk, the existential aspect of what I’m going through seems like an impossible wall to climb. Once again, people who are really depressed feel that way, but I just don’t know how I’ll ever get over my problems. Idk, these are just some of my thoughts recently. How about you?
@@pault9544 I'm okay I understand you so much. I'm still dealing with stuff to I won't lie I'ma get check by a doctor because idk I just can't do this anymore maybe they can help me out with money you know? But I won't lie I have been trying I'm not saying to give up hell no! I'm saying I'm going to the doctor because of my DID on top of OCD an multiple complex development disorder, but I believe you can overcome this I know you can. If you have a PS4 I'll add you an we could talk you know? We all gotta stick together an if u don't have a PS4 it's okay I'll keep checking up on you from time to time.
