I give my experience of psychosis to make videos which raise awareness, counter stigma, and ease those suffering in silence.
Creating strength in adversity.
My electronic music: nerBeater: ru-vid.com/show-UCqIbPwFl-EKbwdkvS0roUCw
I am Brenden James MacDonald who wrote: "Spinoza, Deep Ecology, and Human Diversity -- Schizophrenics and Others Who Could Heal the Earth If Society Realized Eco-Literacy"
======== General Description of channel:
Here on this channel you will find chaotic dissent, actual frames of reference, Word Salad, Trip-Hop and Hard Ambient music videos by me. You find Thoughtful Synchronicities, and informative media concerning topics ranging from Schizophrenia to Consciousness to Politics to Philosophy to Art... ============
basically every man made pattern, architectural decorations has some faces embeded into it its either some reptile, monster, or human caricature face, its how the secret societies hide information in plain sight so if you get to see a face into something artificially made you're not paranoid its made on purpose, when you see it in nature, might be you are actually looking at a mirror of your subconscious trying to comunicate something to your conscious trough projected patterns i guess, just my tought
Sounds like you did drugs and this is what made one "schizophrenic" or maybe just maybe, some people are different but drugs make them more intense and then add different base family backgrounds. lol we are so similar, its so interesting.
I did drugs after but not before quite intense stress was already disturbing me. I diagnosed myself and was reading about the condition, and about history (different centuries radically different views and social contexts) of psychiatry and philosophy. There are plenty of specific conditions because there are so many of us. We are none the same, yet all similar, indeed. There is no need to equate or reduce differences or contrast at great length. Descriptions and communications should be useful. End of day getting along and helping people who feel unwell are top of order.
Interesting you say that, because very small, almost negligible amounts of DMT is apparently produced in the brain. When you don't get that supply you can 'come down' from it. Causing schizophrenic like symptoms. It's an unsubstantiated claim that DMT is the reason but it explains why people who have never been on drugs develop schizophrenia. PS: I wasnt on drugs when I developed schizophrenia.
@Srindal4657 that claim...to me, it does not pan out. It's like saying marijuana caused mint to taste good because CBD is contained in mint and good feelings are caused by marijuana and since I feel good it must be because mint has CBD and I brush my teeth. All I actually know is you should still brush your teeth. There is no such thing as a negligible amount of history. What has happened historically to those with SZ is so much more important than a lil intrigue with psychedelics in 20th and 21st Century by settler colonists who are destroying the Amazonian basin as Ayahuasca Tourists.... Eff that shi
What if schizophrenia is a myth, in the sense that these people are 'crazy' and nonsensical and are "hearing things" ......sober. I would argue schizophrenia has to do with LANGUAGE and how different people communicate. Some people like me, want to communicate something "perfectly" if you obsess over these things you might stop communicating normally- and then they labeled these people, who are just communicating differently.
The language used to communicate about schizophrenia will never stop shifting. I recommend looking up Michel Foucault's History of Madness, and also Gregory Bateson's writings on schizophrenia, in Steps to an Ecology of Mind.
That can be an intended effect of fonts. It could be a subject of instruction, where figures are taught to be exaggerated or constrained on purpose, in order to make those purposes overt. Many times in art or published displays, the purposes are hidden, such as within advertising or propaganda. Similar happens in little bits of sound, when intonations that are effectively without meaning to one listener take on attitudes within another person's memory chambers.
Here’s a test put your shoe on the ground and then look at it. What does it look like? Does it look like someone sticking their tongue out at you with their mouth wide open you wanna put your foot in there now?
Looks like a shoe. "These shoes were made for walking. That's just what they'll do. One of these days these shoes are gonna walk right over you." - a more powerful woman than us said it like that, bruh
@@nednednerb You said you're overcompassionate, right? So I'm wondering where's your compassion for factory farm cruelties? Does that make sense to you?
Why do you ask? I'm unsure why you ask. I don't know the context of your story, your life story, what you think of Descartes, the right to a mind, the legacy of evolution, the purpose of communication.... "Factory farming"? As a general topic, I oppose the undue suffering of creatures with minds. Animals on a healthy farm run to humans when there is a threat. If an animal is in perpetual agony and on the verge of the collapse of their will to maintain behaviour, that society itself which is "running the show" has lost all ecological credibility and connection to ethical realities relevant on Earth. Just to keep the sales numbers increasing to infinity is a complete waste of energy, time, consciousness.
@@nednednerb Mass factory farming is inhumane and unnecessary and environmentally worse, so I thought it was strange you didn't mention it, when you're video is about being overcompassionate. From your reply you don't think mass factory farming is inhumane, right? Why do you think that?
Wait... What story do you have? Where are you from? What is your sense of history? I cannot mention very many crucial issues in these few minutes. Also, note some of my >exact< words: "lost all ecological credibility and connection to ethical realities relevant on Earth." What does this mean to you in terms of what you are looking for regarding your imposing a product and regard of my statements in your imagination. I never said anything about compassion for animals being wrong, which is what your question might imply.. hence me asking you, very directly and repeatedly why you are asking because I am unsure what you heard me saying and what you might not have listened to me express.
I actually split my sleep schedule up now like they did in the 1800s. I will still take a long nap in the afternoon as always, but I try to sleep around 10 till about 4, between the 2 sleep blocks I think I'm actually getting better sleep. I certainly achieve more. I feel more rested.
I looked at your channel. You seem to actively employ the method of random comments without real engagement in order to attract your own audience. That's boring to me, but anyway.... Hmmmm. Doesn't matter.
Such a symptom, while a symptom, is also likely in my experience to indicate she feels you are not listening. In my experience of me ranting and listening to others, there is a way of listening that the person feels heard. So much so that on my electronic music album from 2010(!!!) named Thoughtful Synchronicities by my musical name nerBeater, I included these text bites on the artwork CD case: Front cover: "It's 11:11 pm on the last day of Earth. Make a wish that counts." Back cover: "I wish to be understood before it's too late." That is, in essence, related I feel to the emotions underlying some of my own drive to tell my family or friends what's on my mind. In particular the fact you call it "incessant rants" indicate a sense of detachment where you've stopped listening seriously. I call that an error if I saw it before me. I say that as someone who has ranted at my mom, but she didn't call it that. I felt better after she would listen, and I rant less now.
Luckily mine has always been temporary or even momentary.... I have a deep sympathy for those whose ringing in the ear does not cease. I relate to my thoughts and anxieties and pains persisting or recurring endlessly, but as someone who loves sound, music, and audio and who opposes redundant monotony, ceaseless tones would aggravate stress..
Thank you so much for sharing, very valuable video :) I presume the thoughts were written over a longer period of time, seeing that different pens were used?
What part of it are you thinking about if something stood out more? I haven't rewatched this older video in a while but I've recently been learning more about catatonic states and stupor and other symptoms. Catatonic syndromes turn out to be more common as a whole outside of schizophrenia and psychosis, and another very sad reality is that a lot of black and indigenous people, forced to not have homes by history we don't need to explain here but is just a fact. When seeing people suffering in some corner somewhere and not very responsive, not very aware, but somehow carrying on, I would suspect this is something catatonic now but that's my guess. I definitely did recently read that black people, indigenous, poor people, people without stable homes, and the unhoused with nowhere at all to go, on the street somewhere in a North American or an African city, are overflowing hospital and emergency facilities.
I’m glad you’re okay. I often feel invisible, but when I go run 🏃🏻♀️ on the road I act like i’m invisible. I have no faith or trust in any driver to see me or act accordingly for my safety.
Thank you. Yes, I was watching carefully. It is sad to expect the spontaneous surprise of grave error.. My waving and yelling loudly and suddenly might have been my ticket across the street.
Although im not schozophrenic, i watch a lot of videos like yours as the mind fascinates me, so my comment is actually about BM 2002- that was my favorite Burning Man year. Hope you had something positive from that year, i remembwr great westher, the green lasers, and finding my favorite theme camp, Starlight Drive-in, showing The Wizard of Oz synched up with Dark Side of the Moon💯💯💯
Strangely enough we may have stood beside one another for some time unawares... I did wander into a camp at some point, that your comment triggers a memory about.... The Wizard of Oz and Dark Side of the Moon, I know it's been synched outside of Burning Man.... but that's so familiar hahaha. That BM 2002 was my only year visiting, and Howdy Heck it was a strange messed up time. Strangely the actual week AT Burning Man was somehow a strange holiday from what was happening for a couple years up to that point of getting there. In early September that year, when I was supposed to be in my first days of university courses in Canada, instead I was riding by ambulance back to Canada to go straight to a psych ward. Oh MY, the disorganization.. I don't ever tell the full story of what was socially occurring to me in that time; it's just too weird and hurtful to recall and describe, but yes, the green lasers, staying out all night, the happy people.. that Black Rock Desert is quite the place.
Children don't hold back and I adore it. Grown ups should be comfortable with questions, and be humble enough to say "I don't know..." Then maybe even explore their imagination and ask "how do YOU think it works?" They may be surprised by the switch in attention and then they go from asking to creating.
That is a good idea! It's like, obviously there is an order of ability and experience that an adult has which the child does not. And then, I could put it that we ought to still respect the parts that have equality, the same footing we have, the same curiosity and openness we >should have. Thanks for your comment.
Reading too deeply into things: that may or may not be (isnt indigenously the point) but the way it organizes things or doesn't----> there lies the actual core diagnostic (when done correctly) Ill go get a med i wanna see what that shit feels like to think on i guess
I cannot understand your sentences. Too many loops around in my brain, I stopped trying after the second look at your words. Cannot proceed from A to B then to C. This is for sure a RU-vid video where I am using words to explore a subject deeply. It may be effectively impossible to read too deeply into something from certain open minded, talkative perspectives. It may always be possible for some people to not want to be prompted to think. I generally avoid idioms except to point out something of the idiomatic perspective, because something like "Ignorance is Bliss."
Thats how i think of it: schizophrenia isnt (exclusively, or only) terror visions its .... rumination a low vibration of pinball machine basically misfiring have you ever sat for so long in a corner that your beain tries to ........ basically render content to itself? But out of nowhere opposed to what say.... little or a lot you know
I started laughing so hard at the metaphor I made out of my brain a few days ago experimenting with audio to MIDI. Know how audio feedback works? Sound out of a speaker into an audio input, and a "constructive loop" that gets loud enough to fry the system with so much vibration. Instead of THAT, after I was done playing some music via audio to MIDI, I put my microphone down, and my speakers started quieting.... But they didn't stop! There was "cross format" feedback!! Sound from speakers was still travelling into the mic, but the computer was processing it in a way that there could be no runaway feedback. But there was a "droning oisy\pleasant chaos"! The way it occurred to me like my very own mind on some personal continuous loop of sound and idea..... I burst out laughing and it was hard for my partner to even understand why I was laughing! Hah!
Have you ever encountered temporary extreme pareidolia? Almost like the more you see the faces surrounding you the more you feel an entity come unto you and (for lack of a better word) demonically possess you? Or haunt you?
In my case I have experienced periods like my brain is flashing repeatedly and scanning fast and spotting them fast. It's like surfaces become surreal, abstract patterns that turn into faces morphing between varied expressions. The emotions seen in the faces can but don't need to match the feelings I have, negative, positive, wanted, or unwanted, etc...
@bacchushollywood2021 just seeing faces never bothered It happened as long as I ever looked at patterns, like clouds, trees, fabric... Emotions unexamined, therapy not undergone, and human experiences of violence are what I find terrifying. Truly, pareidolia is just seeing faces in things, to me. Terrifying things are what's terrifying to me. Maybe just seeing faces would be enough for some people, but for me by itself it's neutral. I would say it might be more activated when stress is exaggerating symptoms, sometimes. There is so much overlap with experience and impact with symptoms and things just happening. I sometimes wish I didn't see faces in things sometimes, but that's more on a level of annoyance and distraction.
@@nednednerb have you ever felt like you're on the brink of insanity when in one of these states as you experience it? Or is it just a casual passing observation in all things you see??
@bacchushollywood2021 I am absolutely sure I have been in states of unwelcome distress and instability that feel like "the sense of impending doom" which is a term used for some "anxiety" symptoms, or fear and stress due to social and relational crisis, and I have seen faces appear in my perception of a non living object. At times like that, it was unwelcome, while in my memory the (sense of or reality of) distress or crisis was the melding factor of concern. I have usually experienced many symptoms and they change over time. The individual symptoms for me can sometimes persist constantly, but the stress and distress are what really halt and disrupt living activity.
check out jerry marzinsky he worked with people like us for 40 years he knows its not hallucinations but real, its unseen entities doing this, we are under attack. I recorded them and could prove to my family and friends, so now they believe (in one of the recordings it even said my name). This all started because i recorded them (EVP electronic voice phenomena) and talked to them, after a while they started making themselves heard without me recording, so i hear them with my naked ears now 24/7 for 4 years.
Probably depends on where they are emotionally and receptively. Some things are undeniably good to talk about and reflect on, I think, but there is a time and place for conversations. When someone is distressed, there is more immediate concern and emotional support that might be "smarter". But if someone is talking openly, calmly, and you ask if they want to watch something, that could be a better approach. If someone is rejecting the ideas being presented, forcing the idea to be taken in is probably counterproductive, and has been in my own experience of running into stressful ideas or triggers in conversation.
Since my fiancee passed away in 2022 , I'm dealing with this and I get used to it, I've seen faces all the time,at first I was scared but now I just ignore it.I always wonder why I'm seeing this,I know I'm not crazy or anything like that but what is that,and why I am seeing faces all the time.
Stress is real. You sound real, not crazy, to me.. I do not know you, but I still have a sense about your loss. Emotions being complex and actually hard is probably the number one reason for my thoughts ever being 'weird' or 'disordered'. Understanding that real life is complex and hard to sort through, when accepted, is what will keep us sane. All power to you. All peace to you.
Yup! Hah, I normally don't do such a shoutout but my latest unpaid promotional music satire, about "Deniatol", might get a laugh! 😂 Rather than jeer and rage I like to laugh and cry.
"You're allowed to complain to derail communication and ricochet the sense of religious violence anywhere. But do not, we repeat, do not inform people calmly about reality with an open mind. We're desperately afraid of that." - The Mainstream