Hello! My name is Becky! I am on a mission to spread awareness for mental disorders of all kinds, but especially on Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, which is the mental disorder I struggle with the most. I am doing my best to educate others and bring love and acceptance to people from all walks of life. You will learn a lot about me and I am very thankful that you are on this journey called life with me! Please, if you have any questions, a suggestion for a video, etc., please email me at beckysbattlewithbpd@gmail.com I will do my absolute best to respond as soon as possible! Please be kind, as I will do my best to be respectful and kind in every single video and every single decision I make! I will do my best to accommodate everyone, so I put a list of triggers in the description for each video. I am so thankful for this opportunity and I really hope that you benefit from my videos! Disclaimers: I’m not a professional, I don’t intend to offend anyone, these are my experiences.
I understand. Something I love about us is that we have a desire inside to help people. We love helping people. The emotions that come on so quickly are so wild and hard for us to explain to others how it feels and how incapacitating It can be. You spent a lot of time trying to make this correct, and you were excited. Something so unexpected and very hard to deal with. Riding the wave of things is difficult for us. I think routine works really well with us because we know what to expect. I cry a lot when im stressed, happy, excited, overwhelmed. I take antidepressants so I don't feel as much as I used to which im thankful for. Keep your head up sweetie. We are all here for you. <3
I absolutely disagree. I’ve been in therapy for over 10 years trying to become a better person. I will find the one for me one day. Everyone is deserving of love, and I’m not the only one who has mental illness who is putting in the work to get better.
The fact that you generalise an entire group of people speaks volumes about you. That’s not true and I take the birthdays of the people I love very seriously.
Actually, my mum loves me. I also have a second family who love me as well. You can deal with things your way, I’ll deal with them my way. I’m not a child, I’m an adult who is working through trauma I experienced as a child and a teenager. My journey is mine, and if you don’t have anything nice to say, just don’t say it. It’s simple.
This is attention seeking shit no need to vidio and post this shit i have BPD and this is not helpful i would never think of doing this is what gives people with this a bad name not cool 😝👎
Don’t *ever* *EVER* say you’re dumb, stupid or over dramatic for crying and/or being upset over things like this!!!!! these “trivial” things that happen from time to time, *Youre feelings are valid.* Others may not think so but all those things people say just result in self blame/hate (and honestly, they can go fuck off). You have a lot of mindfulness when talking about how your emotions and feelings affect your actions, among other things. That’s incredible and you should be proud of that ❤ I describe my meltdowns as a crash of emotions, like putting on 7 different songs at once and trying or being expected to figure out the lyrics to all of them. videos like these help a lot in feeling understood
Awwwh, I’m so happy that my video helps you feel understood. I absolutely do understand and I’m sorry you experience this as well. Thank you for your beautiful, kind words of encouragement. I am so appreciative of the love I’ve received from posting my reality. It’s so important to make sure others know that they are not alone. I wish you the best and I appreciate you so much. 💕
Hi! I am doing a bit better emotionally now, but my physical health is not good. I took a year long break from this channel in order to take better care of myself, but I plan on resuming my uploads!!! I hope you are doing well and I’m sorry that you understand the pain that comes with BPD. You are never alone. 💕
I cry a lot with my BPD. Especially when I'm triggered into an episode of the emptiness feeling. When I'm in that space it's all empty and hopeless feeling, and whatever just triggered the episode feels hopeless too. The numb/disconnected feeling just makes everything worse. It can get so intense that I lose appetite and time feels like it passes really fast because I'm so upset and lost in the distress of my mind, before I know it the whole day will be gone.
I understand your feelings of getting upset about this. I have BPD too and those little things that make us smile...We want to give it our all. I hope your doing better and things are looking up for you. Your experience of a bpd breakdown is like a mirror I never looked at. I know that feeling and can see exactly what your going through and it's like me dealing with those emotions and thoughts. Thank You for making this. Without it I wouldn't have felt better at knowing that my breakdown was not me over reacting or too emotional and I'm not the only one who experiences that. It was real shit and I see that it is ok to feel that way. From one bpd heart to another....I wish you all the blessings you can get and more happy days than not.
Awwwh, thank you so much for your kind words! I’m sorry you understand because BPD is such a painful disorder, but I appreciate you taking the time to help me understand that I’m not alone. I feel it’s extremely important to be transparent, because there are many people who believe they are alone and can’t seek help, but that’s not true. 💕 I wish you the best!
It is tough but your doing a good job and im glad you are explaining yourself too, its good to express yourself and believe me you are heard. I believe in you and your strength. Thanks for the video it helps me and my gf, she just got diagnosed with BPD and we feel alone and dont understand it. People like you help us to not feel so alone and understand what we are dealing with. Thanks for sharing yourself with us all. So much love to you.
Awwwh, I’m really glad I can help you feel less alone! You are never alone! I plan on making more videos soon! I hope they can help you as well! I really appreciate your support and thank you for being so kind!
It’s ok girl. We all make mistakes and mess up. It doesn’t mean you’re an idiot or anything bad, you’re human and we all mess up. I know it’s frustrating to live in this world and all the things we need to do just to make it happen but GOD loves you, call on Jesus to heal your heart and mind and he will, be diligent in prayer and never think you’re alone. Sending you love and prayers 🤍🤍🙏🏽🙏🏽🕊🕊
Hi sweetie! It's wonderful to see your beautiful face! I wouldn't stress too much about not being consistent with uploading dear, we all know how life goes! You just gotta make sure you're good, & those of us who follow ya will be here just as happy to see u whenever you pop back up! ☺️🥰 I also have BPD and OCD. I'm sorry for the horrendous thoughts that are invading your mind.. idk if it will be of any help, but it might be worth a shot to check out Mel Robbin's, "5 second rule"- like everytime I notice one of those thoughts popping up, try her rule. And if it does provide u any reprieve, please do let me know! 🥰 Sending u lots of love darling. Remember, Just keep swimming! ☺️
Your comments always make me smile so big! Thank you, honey! 💕 I will definitely look up the five second rule, and I’ll let you know if it helps me! I am so grateful for you and your loyalty to my channel, even in periods where I don’t post. It means so much to me, thank you. 💕 I hope you are doing well!
Hello becky im 35 live in nz witj bpd, the emotions we experience are so real and do you find it takes four days to fully recover from a emotion, i been self harming and i feel like a burden to my family, and interpersonal issues us the one things that inflames our condition, when i get upset i go to my room baracde myself in my room for safety, i find that my own company is the best company too, and ive always been judged by our neighbours and we have to move where we have no neighbpurs, also when i go out in public i never look at peoples facial expressions coz it triggers anger in me, hope you are doing well becky
My scars are healing and dialective behaviour therapy i was told really helps, with 375mg venlafaxaline and mirtazipene which is augmentation for mood never lets me down always works for me, and seroquel at night for sleep, and dislufuram i stay away from alcohol but exercise everyday, i hope you are doing well becky
I completely understand. This is an extremely painful disorder, and we are warriors! I was in a DBT program for a year and a half, and it changed my life. I used to say that it saved my life, but my therapists told me not to give the program all the credit. They said I was the one who put in the work to get better, and that’s the truth. It helped me save my own life. If you ever get the chance to get involved with DBT treatment, please do it! It’s very hard, I won’t lie to you, but the end result is amazing. I plan on doing videos that are a bit shorter, teaching skills from DBT. I hope you are doing well as well, honey. Take care of yourself. That’s so important. 💕
Hello thankyou so much for your reply, i reached out and got help, my nurse doesnt treat me with respect, but im doing much better now, im leaving the nz public mental health system and saving to go private, i find talking to god really helps me, and i hope you are doing well too 😊, kayla horvath,
Help me my family are talking behind my back I'm having paranoia neighbours talking about me I've baracded myself in my room I'm a monster my family think I'm a monster I been self harming someone help me
You are, in a way, your own doctor, and you're doing a great job at it - you even sound like a doctor in many ways, you're taking care of yourself - instead of allowing BPD to consume you, you have taken responsibility for your life, you've learned about it and are working with it to make your life better, that's the best thing you can do. (when we take responsibility for everything in our lives, even something as simple as a conversation or argument with someone, it gives us power). Even when we have doctors, we still have to be our own doctors in many ways.
Yes, you always have to advocate for yourself and learn about yourself. It really does make life easier. Thank you for the kind words! I would like to be a doctor of Psychology in the future. 😊
You explain this very well, I know your videos are helpful to many. You're strong, and it's great that you are helping yourself & others. Many people don't think they're afraid of death, but if they were given a diagnosis for a health problem that's life threatening, they often realize they want to live. Chemicals in our body & brain affect how we think, and it can be very difficult to fight against it. I've had extreme long lasting anxiety, and it makes me think & worry about things that are not rational to me the next day or the next hour, it's very strange how strong our emotions & thoughts can be. It's one of those things, like MOST things in life where logic does not always help. (we don't think as consciously as we should). When we're emotional, logic doesn't register. It has to do with the parts of our brains, the amygdala and the logical part of the brain.
Yes, logic isn’t always reachable when your emotions are controlling your thoughts and feelings. I’m sorry you struggle with anxiety. It’s super hard 😞 have you ever done any form of therapy for it? You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.
Just knowing you have BPD is huge, and you're working towards a better life! Plus, the BEST therapists & doctors are ones that have a personal understanding like you do, so you will be a GREAT person to help others. Look at Lisa A. Romano - she is so very successful in helping others because she went through things herself - not BPD, but codependency and other life struggles that go along with it. . Many people with BPD & other disorders don't get help or don't know they have it at all. You're right, there's a stigma of BPD, but people who think that way are not being empathetic, so THEY have their own problem too - I'd rather have a disorder than be unempathetic towards others. I have a family member with BPD traits, and for a long time, I was only looking at how their behavior negatively affected others, especially their loved ones, BUT, when I learned how it was for my loved one who has those traits, from reading an article of someone who described it, I cried and felt so heartbroken, and looking at it empathetically completely changed my outlook, and it also explains their behavior - we see things very differently than what reality actually IS So, when people behave in certain ways, even in "bad" ways that are hurtful to others, it is because THEY are hurting & suffering. I know how bad it feels to not be able to control my own anxiety & other emotions, so I can't judge others for the same.
Your comments are so thorough and thought provoking! Thank you for spending time to write them! They are beautiful! Marsha Linehan who created Dialectical Behaviour Therapy has/had BPD. I’m not certain if she still meets the criteria for a diagnosis. DBT is super painful and hard but it changed my life. It helped me save my life. I remember my therapists telling me not to credit DBT for the changes in myself. They told me that I was the one who got up twice a week, drove an hour to and from the hospital for it, and did the work to heal. It was so validating to be recognised for the work I put into my healing. It is very hard to get better and it’s hard because you’re right. Those who hurt others are often really hurt themselves. Learning how to communicate and understand in a different way takes so much work, time, and energy.
Please don't feel bad about having a self soothing kit! Be PROUD you are handling this, most people don't. Try not fighting your breakdowns too much, you might find they'll go away faster when you allow the feelings to come out. You have been in therapy, so that's VERY GOOD, many people are suffering with BPD and don't even know what's wrong with them, so you're actively working towards having a better life, you're miles ahead of many, many others. Just knowing you have a disorder makes a huge difference. Also, you are NOT responsible for other's behaviors, only your own, you cannot control others, and how they sct negatively affects their lives - one day you will see someone crying and you will be kind to them, brcause you understand - that shows others how to be, you will be a good example and others will learn from you, you might not even know, but it will happen. I have a suggestion for your CPR stuff, since you have done it for so long, I KNOW you'd be great at it: Beyond regular certification, you can take a class to become a CPR teacher, and even beyond that, you can take a class to be a teacher for professional rescuers, like for teaching classes for EMTs. This is thru the Red Cross. I did this when I was an EMT in the AF Reserve, but you don't need to be an EMT to do it, anybody can as far as I know. I have read that BPD is very difficult to deal with, they say it can be like living in hell, so don't fault yourself for letting your emotions out. Don't wish you didn't have the disorder, instead, make it the "friend" or "roomate" that's a real pain in the ass, and focus your energies on gerting along with that "friend" or roomate that's a pain in the butt. Think of utilizing your energies like gas in your tank, spend it wisely, don't fight the breakdown too much, let it happen, and you might find that when you don't fight it, it will get bored and end sooner.
I’m sorry it took so long for me to respond, but this comment is so sweet! It made me feel at peace. Thank you so much. I do my best to be strong, and being strong is sometimes letting my feelings out. I’ve been judged for doing so before and although it’s painful, I’ve helped people by being so transparent. I love helping others. 😊 I had definitely thought about becoming a CPR teacher. It seems so exciting and intriguing. Borderline is excruciating and I wouldn’t wish a lifetime of it on anyone. I have gotten so much better through therapy and a lot of hard work. I am a much happier person because of it. 💕
"My hair looks awful. Nah fuck it who cares I don't care" made me laugh, I'm sorry. Thanks for posting this, it's nice to see others being real and honest about this disorder. I hope you're doing better these days 💓
That line made me laugh when I watched it back before posting. 😂 Thank you! I always want to be real. I am doing okay these days! I hope you are doing well! 💕
How about getting an emotional dog, that goes with you. So you can hug it when having an episode. Takes the focus of thy self and project it out said dog. Dogs cats are awesome for that
I have so much i wanna say to everything thats going on with you... i dont even know where to start.... im sorry ur going through this.....ITS A LOT ....BUT (as fucked as this sounds....) keep making these videos! (unless they are fucking with you) but its helping me like u would not believe. Its like a have a bpd friend that is just talking to me about their probs. Its someone I can sort of relate to and empathize with and its oddly comforting... (i hope this doesnt offend u and u get what im trying to say... Im bad at words lol) Its just really helpful for someone who has bpd and is incredibly lonely and doesnt have any friends hahaha .... anway i hope things make sense for you and u can find some peace ❤
I love your comment! Thank you so much! I plan on making these videos for as long as I can! I am very glad you feel like you have a BPD friend! That’s so important for us. 💕
Hey hunny🤗 my mom is hypoglycemic as well, and for as long as I've been alive.. she has always carried jellybeans in a little sandwich baggy with her whenever she would be out of the house, just in case her blood sugar dropped. Or just like always have some sort of sugary candy with u at all times just in case
I have been in your shoes, as a type 2 diabetic I can promise things have gotten easier since our parents. Things like Dexcom, Freestyle libre, and Omnipod. It can be a lot but I am happy to be a buddy.
I’m so sorry that you relate to this. It’s incredibly painful. Know that I care and I understand how hard it is. I hope I help you feel less alone. You are definitely not alone. 💕 Sending all my love to you.
Holy crow. Thought this was me. I went by Becky when I was younger. I started going by Rebecca now it's becca (now I know borderlines re invent ourselves I know why I always felt urge to switch my name
I completely relate to you. I like to think of us as chameleons. We never truly learned who WE were, so we spend our lives trying to fit in wherever we can. We change to appease other people, and it’s unfortunate because we are wonderful people who deserve to know who we are and feel confident in ourselves. It took me a really long time to come to terms with some of the things that I now know make up who I am. I still find myself slipping back into that chameleon behaviour because that’s how I grew up and it takes a lot of work to change how we function. Trust me when I say that you are a beautiful individual, and you are unlike anyone else. You are YOU, and if someone doesn’t like you, that’s their problem, not yours. I have faith in you and who you truly are. 💕
