‘Respect is a two-way thing’ | Modern Masculinity 

An important subset of men who require attention, yet not representative or reflective of men at large.

Beautifully said; couldn't agree more.

Thank-you so much, I'm glad that there are people out there who are finding something positive in these episodes x

The weed comment is certainly metaphorical about the lack of purpose in a man's life. And as the gentleman in the support group says at about 2:55, "we're here for you." Modern masculinity is partly about finding the right place for plants in wrong places, and not considering them undesirable.

@Ligeia D.Aurevilly exactly. That really hit me too! I loved this episode

Truthful Chap Well, it’s not really about what she thinks, is it? She’s trying to create a platform. I’m curios what you think she thought, though.

@@mattsven I wasn't really thinking anything, I was just stating facts. It is completely understandable that they wouldn't want women to be on the weekends that they do and I wouldn't want to disrupt the work that they were doing just to make a video. I'm very glad that Pat and Ben agreed to speak to me at the allotment and I feel like I got a lot from that discussion. - IA

The Guardian That’s what I took away as well. I didn’t read anything into your statements. Thanks for your work on this series!

There is nothing Objective about the Guardian's journalism. It is a left wing woke values male club being interviewed about "modern" masculinity by a woke lefty female. Just because the Guardian took time from trumpeting the issues of Feminism to follow a group of feeling circle guys doesn't mean the Guardian has moved out of the realm of supporting the world they seek to create. These men are of the mindset of the guardian's worldview so that is why they are getting a coverage nod. Personally I would never waste my time spending time with any of them. I oppose their social change worldview and find most of those men to be extremely repellent life forms not worthy of the scruff on their face.

@@maxpeck7382 I cant help but agree, I mean take a look at the many comments in both Guardian videos and the website, and you will see the constant criticism from males stating the real issue to be how feminism has been on the constant attack for decades. Yet this is never mentioned let alone argued. The Guardian only has to look BTL to find the answer claims to be seeking, yet seems totally blind to the frustrations of its comment section choosing instead to go to some handpicked 'right on' group that will give the right nods. I mean we cant have people thinking the main reason many men feel so ostracized is down to the break up of the family unit, and the demonization of the white man.

Yeah but her doing it with the long nails and pristine white shoes is funny as hell.

I think the Gillette ad that kick-started this documentary series gives us some answers. The ad seemed to imply masculinity itself is toxic and undesirable, and caricaturized men. I think this series was meant to explore what it is to be a man, if not some ill-behaving caricature. I think this episode was the first to provide some nuanced insight.

wholesome comment

"I don't think this is about masculinity, it's more about how to live a balanced life." I'd say many of the underlying issues are universal human issues, but they will take different forms in masculinity and femininity. For example; Women and men aren't inherently more or less agressive than the other, but masculine and feminine forms of agression are notably different. And as a result of that, I'd argue some of these issues are (or at least can be) a bigger challenge for men, because the forms these issues take for us can often clash with the structure of society.

This presenter is so closed-minded it's hard to believe she is a real person. If you were to gender-reverse her condescension, she would have been cancelled pronto

I think women play a big role in masculinity. Just look at most of their dating choices.

And disabled men. I think some (for example those with autism) are not given the space they should.

@@garybarnes4084 Hear hear. Men with mental health challenges (mental illness) too often find themselves in prison instead of in care.

@@garybarnes4084 I am autistic - diagnosed but semi-difficult to tell - and I was in university around the time that 'not making eye contact is a micro aggression' idea was spreading around the student unions. If regular social interactions are confusing, imagine then being told that such confusion itself was a racist micro aggression.

I am really glas that you enjoyed this episode and I hope you can find more to connect with in the rest of the series x

@@imanamrani5959 Ahh glad to see it's back! I'll take a look. Enjoy your holidays. :)

The guardian does some great journalism ... but this comment is legit.

Men who did wrong and is trying to make it all right tell a good story

Glad you liked it. I think the leaning towards working class voices is down to the fact that I am trying to open the discussion up to those who are often not given a platform to talk on these issues, and that often means working class people. I do however speak to Jon Snow from Channel 4 News in episode 3, who speaks about his experience at a private boarding school and that was a fascinating perspective to have. Of course there are unlimited experiences to cover and we can only do a finite amount but I'm trying to get as much variety as possible. - IA

@@theGuardian Jon Snow's input was terrific and horrifying, but I guess I'd consider that a very upper class experience. I'm probably being a bit greedy in the ask, but I'm 33, with a new baby, a mortgage, a wife, coming from a two working parents background... I think I'm living the old school vision of what a man was supposed to do. I don't think we ever challenge that group about their motivations, their regrets or their fears. If the crisis of masculinity is about no longer choosing or being able to follow the old trodden path of masculine expectations about being a family man or provider, I feel like it's worth exploring whether that path is in crisis itself too. Does a 35 year old man providing for his family feel that that's what's giving him purpose? Does he feel the responsibility as a burden or does it give him pride. Does he recognise the sense of crisis around masculinity or does it pass him by. I definitely feel like we make a lot of presumptions about where his head is at - or often, I think men who are feeling a crisis of masculinity harbour an ill will towards guys living the old cliche life thinking two things; that he doesn't know how lucky he is and that he's a robot, who hasn't even thought about who he is.

@@falloncj Great post. Very insightful.

@@falloncj Hi, I just want to say that this is something which I have spoken about at length with male colleagues and friends. I wish I had the chance to explore the family man/provider "experience" (sorry, I can't think of a better way of phrasing that) and I have given a lot of thought to the points which you raise. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to come back and do this at some point. Hope you have enjoyed the series so far. - IA

@@theGuardian I think the family man/provider is a fair term for it - no apologies needed. I'm loving the series. Honestly loving it and not in that shaded "now this is actual journalism" that some lads a putting in just because it sits well with what they wanted to see. I'm volunteering with my local youth club and this series, especially the working class angle is opening my mind up in a big way. I can see so many differences between my expectations growing up and those of the kids I'm working with and I guess I'm hoping I can bridge the gap between healthy and unhealthy aspirations. I'm also trying to work out where that provider drive comes from, like... I think I got it from my dad/family, my mates don't feel it, or at least in the same way despite similar backgrounds... I'm a modern guy, working in a good job in a city, but I'm not some conservative traditionalist. So for me, my crisis of masculinity is about understanding whether being a provider is enough for me to tick that box. Like an itch of self justification. It's definitely part of what's driven me to volunteering with a youth club but I can't tell if it's a common experience. Most dialogue in this space is about disaffected youth, cleaning their room and finding purpose and not relying on old school definitions of masculinity to give identity, but for some of married to a housewife with kids we love, it certainly doesn't mean we found an answer and there's no more questions. Keep up the good work, you led me to look at more guardian vids and between yourself and the fella covering "anywhere but Westminster" I'm feeling far more aware of my surroundings and how much is going on inside someone else's head.

Not a miracle, a forced hand. Men go through shit and some of the only people willing to listen to them are really horrible.

Yeah its amazing how well men respond when we aren't being lectured to as if the only problem at hand is how we treat women.

I feel like your version of non political correct speech is just code for locker room talk

@@lindai6988 the feminist version locker room talk is men talking about women in overly sexual ways when really...that rarely happens if not at all

@@lindai6988 Mostly it is making fun of various movements that receive a lot of attention on the news, but are just so freaking stupid. Yet no one has the cajones to call those folks out. Or just calling out the double speak. Where society wants "A", but won't ever do "B" to try achieve "A", because it works against said agenda. I mean sure, dudes talk about how hot AOC probably was in college, yet call her an idiot at the same time, playing off of gender stereotypes that men will appreciate beauty, but not strength of mind or character. So yeah, you could call that "locker room talk", but much more frequently, it would be like this... HEADLINE: Left pushes for tougher gun laws. Non-PC Statement: Well, maybe if the local prosecutors would give these guys tougher sentences when they're caught with a gun while committing another crime and not plead it down to 12 months, which is one day less than it takes to make someone a prohibited possessor, maybe that would change the violence factor of criminals with guns. State Prison versus County jail. Oh! You can't say that! You want to lock up these poor non-violent offenders!

@@lindai6988 stop womansplanning you have no idea what your talking about

There are a lot of out doors men and woman in the states , try getting out a bit more . I'm old and fat now but I can show you around big Sur if you come out to visit .

Thanks George ;) Elliott . Abob

​@@ElliottBMoore Hey man, George is right, you really hit the nail on the head. Learning to embrace the unwanted feelings we've been pushing away all our life is hard, but the only way to heal is to go through them and let them in. It's so inspiring that you're trying to do that. I'm in the same boat, and I know personally that it can be so scary to face sometimes. All my love and support go to you, and I wish you the very best through this journey. You're not alone in this, brother.

Growing up is amazing? ..I guess acting like an adult is a rarity these days.

He's referring to emotional intelligence, sometimes referred to as EQ (instead of IQ).

The Guardian in the UK is the toxic character im afraid

FR

@@schrodingersferret4092 Dis isnt toxic doe

Not sure what you mean, why would race dynamics make it hard to make series on masculinity?

@@nomnom2969 Cos sex is too

Why do something that every mainstream media is doing.

@K Korona I disagree that moral panic can be good, especially if you look at the circumstances of moral panic the the past. However, even if it was, the over use of moral panic and click bait has tainted modern media trying to compete with new media

Thanks Matt - IA

@Ligeia D.Aurevilly I know what you mean and it's a hard thing to explain. I've never asked a man to open up emotionally to me; I've never had to because they would open up very easily as I was a good listener. Unfortunately I felt like an emotional waste disposal unit/unpaid counsellor, which was draining. So I'm not really into the "getting men to share their feelings" having been on the receiving end of it. I think what has happened is that some men keep so much inside them that when they get a safe place to unload, then it all comes tumbling out and then it becomes overwhelming for the recipient if it's unexpected. It also feels like this is somewhat alien to who they really are, which is why it feels weird and uncomfortable to others around them. When men open up in a way consistent with their masculine energy and identity it feels very different to when they do so in a "feminine" way and trying to get them to do so otherwise is just counterproductive.

She did that in a previous episode and people were pissed off that she interviewed upper class folks.

Not sure I agree with you Hambali. I think emotions are emotions, but we do express them differently. I think because we are often not taught to connect with them we struggle to identify them and communicate them. I liked what the guy in the video said about owning your story. If we are waiting for society to do something we will always be left without. These guys demonstrated that if we each take ownership where we are, we can create the spaces needed to learn and grow together.

It seems that the only thing strange here is trying to force a pattern that works for woman as the only viable option. The ones having a problem it seems are women, then try to project it onto men

vertigoz but then when women bottle things up and don't communicate verbally men complain about not being mind-readers and how difficult women are. See it goes both ways.

Hambali Junaidie Hamdan this is slightly off topic but if men really show their emotions and crying their eyes out women don’t like it. I don’t mind a man crying briefly and then regain composure and control. So be careful what you wish for as they say

@@justonetime6179 women expects men to understand but don't do extra mile because they see themselves entitled to, men don't care. It's like someone is creating a problem that didn't existed before

Maybe he identifies with having children who had children

Really cool suggestions, hope she'll take a few of them :)

Thanks, I appreciate it, hope you enjoy the rest of the series

@@imanamrani5959 I loved it. Great work. Seeing this man wetten his eyes while talking about his son makes me cry.

@K Korona Being connected emotionally is not the same as emotional weakness. It's the opposite, actually. Cheers for the douchey comment though :)

@K Korona and why is it his fault he lives, probably even born, in South Africa? There might be shit going on over there, but that doesn't mean everyone supports that.

@K Korona ????????????

@K Korona to be honest I have not followed their coverage on brexit. But your point on right wingers being censored does tie in nicely with this series to a degree. Would be a good topic to cover as well.

Why?

@@barbiegirlfashionabl Because the Guardian for one has championed and celebrated certain narratives that have caused many men to become so disenfranchised with their lives and roles, where guys like this are having to form groups simply to know who the fuck they even are anymore. And even then, the Guardian still wants to stick its nose in. The Girl in the video will no doubt argue she is just having a conversation, but as with most things Guardian, sooner or later it will evolve to an opinion, then a judgement, then a 'correction' will be needed.

@@schrodingersferret4092 What narratives are those and how have they caused men to be disenfranchised?

That makes zero sense. This has nothing to do with politics.

Some people are just never happy, are they? Surely just the representation of this group is great? I'd never heard of it until now, and I think it's an amazing idea. But hey, let's all just moan and take the fun out of life. Be like every other fucker out there instead of taking the time to consider the benefits of such a community in today's society. Look, I get it, it's exceptionally tough to find a media outlet you can trust when almost everything is corrupt, but fuck me, your negative attitude means the firms pushing a narrative have got you by balls if you're constantly on the back foot. You alienate yourself willingly because you believe literally everything has an agenda. Just take a step back, think about someone who isn't yourself, and how their life can be benefitted by a group such as this one. We're all in this crazy game of life together, man.

I'm cautious about that idea. I think women generally have many more outlets helping them voice their opinions and having those opinions taken seriously (even when the opinions are poorly thought out rubbish). With that in mind, I think it could be an interesting episode. It's just one that would need to be handled more carefully because it could very easily break the trust this series has been developing with me, and I assume other men.

We had it a while ago. Thanks to publications like the Guardian and its ilk it has been mostly corroded.

@@schrodingersferret4092 It's a lot broader than just the Guardian. Social, economic, political changes have had a much bigger impact than one newspaper. And wasn't the French sociologist Emile Durkheim talking about "anomie" and alienation re: suicide rates in the 19th century? This is nothing new. Might help to broaden your outlook.

@@toomuchinformation I didn't solely blame the Guardian did I. Look up the definition of 'ilk'.

@@schrodingersferret4092 I know what "ilk" means. If you're talking about media similar to the Guardian, then your outlook is still too narrow. You're completely ignoring changes in different areas, esp economic and just focusing on a narrow area. And that historically, lack of meaning isn't a new thing and certainly predates the Guardian's influence as a left of centre newspaper.

@@toomuchinformation If you know what Ilk means, then you will know it does not exclusively means the media. I'm not completely ignoring anything, I never solely lay the blame at the Guardians door, you seem to do a lot of projecting here, in fact I made a pretty blanket statement.

interestedmeow I don’t think this series has implied that showing emotion is a feminine trait but a human trait that women are usually better at

The expectation, tasks, roles, and (to an extent) strengths of men require emotional sensitivity less (than those of girls and women). This can be exaggerated in families in peril. It might be that some of these young men didn’t have great relationships with their fathers. I really hope they all come through.

As long as the journalist is as chill as her then I’d be fine with that