My divorce mediation is tomorrow and I’d love some last minute tips. I cannot believe this odd reality I’ve been living in since 1995 is almost over. Please, please, please learn from my mistakes. Listen to your inner voice. Go with your gut. Don’t ignore the red flags. My 15-year old daughter is so scared right now. My 17-year old showed pure joy for the first time since he was two this past weekend while we were choosing a home w/o his father. I would rather my spouse hurt me every moment of every day than hurt my children once. And yet, he hurt them. My children almost lost their mom (me) last year. I ran out of me by trying to please him. I allowed his narcissism to almost completely devour me… almost. I’m okay now, but please don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t isolate. Don’t blame yourself. Ask for help
Mediation is never good with a Narc. Tried this with my ex similar situation to yours, a waste of money and time. Most likely nothing will get resolved. Your kids will see his true self and be disgusted after a while. Best of luck.
Sounds like you’re on the right track. This part coming up can be the hardest part. There are two books I highly recommend Dangerous Personalities and The Gift of Fear, just based on what you’ve said. Tips for mediation, listen to your attorney. Lots of ppl fight their attorney’s advice. Listen to them. If you really disagree with your attorney, phone a friend that you trust and get a second opinion. I’ve not been in your shoes, but I’ve been in your children’s shoes. It’s a messed up reality. Read those two books, they’ll change your life for the better. Maybe contact a battered women’s shelter for advice? Even if there wasn’t so much physical violence, separating from a narcissist can set them off-Nicole Brown, Suzanne Morphew, Gabbie Petito, Maggie Murdaugh. Those are extreme cases, not every situation escalates to M, but it’s better to be aware of the signs and keep yourself and your children safe.
Omg. If only I had support during mine. Do not let your panic take over!! If you do.. love yourself and be kind to yourself! It’s not the end of the world even when it feels like it. Always remember that YOU MAYTER TOO!
I'm convinced that some people don't care they are terrible liars, because they count on intimidating people into accepting their bs by bullying or tantrums.
Rihjt?! I don't think they understand what the truth is or else it is very low on the scale of importance. What's important to them is who's on their side no matter what they say. This is what makes them unavoidable... like at work. You can't just go about doing your job and minding your own business ...you have to be bouncing around like a little cheerleader for their cause.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 You absolutely blow my mind with the leap from Behaviour analysis to the comic ability of Ricky Gervais……if that was bottled you could buy a lifetime supply of “Hot Chicken”!
@@PaulGadoury Paul, I agree. It's crazy how good they are. I'm ill just now I can't sleep well so I use these, they're fantastic! My 13 year old listens every night too.
Scott, you are your Fathers double! Rest easy Dr Rouse 🙏 May the happy memories you left and lives you touched live strong, out weighing the grief of your loss. God Bless 🙏♥️
Spotting narcissistic traits need to be taught in schools - I had no idea what narcissism was and had at least two serious relationships with these types before I came across this info. At 53, I've been single for five years and don't think i will ever date again. I find it very hard to trust others, or my own judgement. Thankfully, I am very happy being single, after being controlled for so many years, and am loving how I can eat/sleep/wear/spend/speak to anyone/go anywhere I want, without twitchy anxiety and constant phone checking. I still leap up if someone comes in and I'm sitting down😂! Talk about Pavlov's dogs.... I'm now working on self talk and permission to just relax sometimes. The effects of coercive control are VERY long lasting.
I had conduct disorder as a kid from severe childhood abuse. I demonstrated all 3 of the homicidal triad behavior. I began to develop empathy after I became a mother. However my violent tendencies didn't stop until I became a Christian.
Hi Scott, I discovered my mother had BPD Borderline... same cluster B as narcissistic. She is one of the best liars I know. She lies with such assurance,... but underlying there is fear and insecurity. paranoia, delusions. Would you consider doing a segment on BPD? Thank you ... I am educating myself on BPD . I am great at body language, I think we as children of parents that had these cluster B disorders... we had to read the room so fast as survival.
Scott, you are the kindest. You remind me of hot chocolate by the fire place on a cold winter day. Just warmth and comfort. Thank you for sharing your expertise spiked with love . Always appreciate you and the TBP team.
Personally, I think he sounds like melted butterscotch....warm, smooth, sweet and buttery with a tinge of toastiness. 🥰 And I don't even like butterscotch!! 😂
My experience of being an INFJ who used to be married to an "upper mid range narcissist" is that you can see through their lies/delusions if your mind can keep up by getting them to contradict themselves one reply to the next when getting hit with word salad.
My ex was a narcissist, and despite me knowing I stayed and ended up homeless. He enjoyed the power trip and the belief that ultimately he would see me fail. I was fortunate to have friends and asked for help and 11yrs later I hold my head high. I took control back. These people are ultimately weak. If I could turn the clock back he would know he was pathetic. Thank you for all the help and advice you give and the educational opportunities from your videos. Simply amazing.
Same with me, but I didn’t quite get homeless. I was in an apt, but had to count how many slices of bread were left, so I could plan on a piece of toast each morning just before my old age security cheque came in. ❤️🙋🏻♀️
The narcissist who sought me out for his victim used to say things to me like, “Why do you often look away when I’m staring into your eyes while we’re talking?” He really didn’t have a clue how uncomfortable it is for someone to never break eye contact! Or maybe he did realize the effect it has on people 🤔 At any rate, his lies and behavior have had such a profound impact on me, I still don’t really feel up to socializing in public places even two years later. Prior to knowing him, my true belief was that most people are really genuinely decent and honest. That was probably really naive and gullible of me, but I kind of miss that feeling.
@@ScottRouse that is absolutely true! I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I wasn’t exposed to one of those things (the empty human shell of a psychopath 😂) until I was about 40 years old. What an introduction to darkness! It scares me to think he’s out there victimizing new people. I wish I could protect them.
I was stopped speeding on my way to a horse show. I told the officer I was distracted as my horses were being trailered…as the trailer flys past me. He says why are you stressed if the horses are on that trailer? I was quiet for a moment and really thought about my answer, and explained how I need to arrive before the horses to unload them and settle them. He went back to his patrol car, came back and said, “I have two options, give you a ticket or a lecture, you’re getting the lecture.” As I listen to my lecture I realized my hands were on my lap one on top of the other, in a very contrite manner. I thanked him and drove away and my first thought was did he pick up on my body language ? 😂😂😂
My sister is divorcing her narc husband of 20 years. She's in a different city than I. He's an alcoholic and full of rage - everything that's wrong in his life is her fault. He doesn't know yet that she has filed and I'm worried sick what he'll do when he finds out and when he gets served with the papers. I sweat and sketch and ruminate over it every hour of every day. She is the only family I have on this earth and my bff. Prayers and advice from y'all who've been there greatly appreciated. And Scott, I'm nowhere NEAR a Hattie B's. Never heard of them. It's 5:40 in the morning and now I'm thinking about using an airline credit I have that will soon expire. Hmm, perhaps a quick trip to Nashville?? TSA would pull me over for sure. "Look at this old bag laughing to herself and salivating..." 😂❤ Love you, thank you so much. 🙏🏻
I'm related to an entire family of narcs. I used to believe they believe their own lies. Now I believe that oblivion is just part of their perpetual display of acting.
I honestly believe that medical professionals are people wanting to pursue the medical career should have lessons in body language and behaviors. Thank you and God Bless!
In my experience with narcs, it seems that when a thought pops into their minds, it IS truth. Period. To them, that thouggt is not an opinion, it is truth.
Could you do a video highlighting how the behavior of autistic people can look like narcissism but is different, please? I am autistic and am frequently accused of being a narcissist. But my intentions couldn't be further from a narcissist. Thank you.
At one point in your conference you mention the absolute delight you find in interacting with narcissistic persons. This is most interesting as I would love to know how you deal with them without getting negatively involved.
Physical abuse is criminal, so is narcissistic abuse!!! Laws need to be changed!!! These individuals who manipulate and coerce our adult children need to be held accountable!!! (An estranged mother/grandmother). Scott, I don’t have the support or expertise in dealing with these manipulators, but I am coming after them legally, somehow. DeSantis will hear the nightmare these individuals have created in my beautiful family! (An estranged mother/grandmother). Absolutely heartbreaking!!!
@@mountain10I hear you! They can be a total nightmare ... especially if you can't readily get away from them. Scott can probably be detached from them because he can learn stuff by listening to them talk, etc. But when they're actually in your life, they are a nightmare.
2:16 You got it. I'm in a doctoral program at Swansea University and I've never read so much in my life. That's how I'm figuring out where my studies fit in and how they will contribute. Read read read, hours every day. Nothing less will do.
Learning about body language changed my life - and my circle of friends. It´s like learning a new language indeed, like French or Spanish. Once you know you can´t ignore it. It´s fantastic. I absolutely love it!
I love listening to you. Thank you for making these videos. Learning body language is my hobby and it's helping me so much in my work with teenagers. Today a few youths opened up to me because I was using the skills I've been learning. I love TBP and I currently studying Chase's X ray book. Greg and Matt are cool too. I really appreciate all the time you must spend filming and editing. Your work is improving the lives of the local youth. You are a hero 🙌 ❤️. X
Scott Rouse (paraphrasing from previous broadcasts; not direct quote) says some characteristics of a psychopath are inability for empathy and modelling behavior of others rather than that behavior or knowledge coming from within the psychopath or from direct experience. It occurred to me, this could also describe A.I. very well. 😮
UNSWEETENED TEA Scott?!?! That's sacrilege. Sweet tea is the only tea! Lmao the cc got you again! You said "tells" and the cc said "tails"! I'm dying 😂
I think it is a great skill for anyone working in sales or jobs which rely on interpersonal skills for decision making. I wish I had more time to really learn the skill of reading people in real time BUT thank you for suggestion to focus on observing one behavior pattern at a time, like hands as illustrators. I am definitely gonna try this out!
There is a waitress at our local restaurant who is "too nice" and it's to the point where it's almost creepy. I get it. Service staff HAVE to be nice to the customer if they want a nice tip, but this lady is over the top. One day my mother and I were having lunch and when the gal left our table after taking our order my mother (83) looked at me and huffed "shoo, she's so damn sweet it gave me a toothache in my dentures!" I laughed....
thanks for sharing your wisdom and education with us Scott, you’ve opened my eyes to a soul sucking narcissist in my life and saved me from ongoing hurt feelings and degredation. Priceless
Hi Emma. I totally get it. I’m so dang funny, and that combined with being so dang handsome creates this almost ethereal being that connects with any living thing. I can’t help it. I’ve always been that way. Just really smart. Super handsome. And absolutely a hilarious. Quite often people will say “You’re a hoot and a half!”. I hate to sound all snobby, but I’m actually two hoots. I rarely correct them, because I’m such a good person and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But anyway, if you’d like to know more about me and how important I am, please get my new book titled “Yes, it IS me!” The life of a renaissance man. Thank you so much. 🙏
I knew that about you from the start Scott and your comment confirms it. It radiates through the screen. A man of high integrity: generous, self-deprecating and always deferring to others. Nothing is too much trouble, you hate attention and you are a valued cheerleader for others. Can’t wait to get the new book! 😜🤣
This was great, Scott! Yes, a narcissist's whole world depends on their lies and people believing them. Watching them do their thing can really look weird. Was married to one. He's gone now but what an education! That's why I love you guys, I needed to learn about red flags and how to spot them. Thank you for all you guys do!!
You know Scott, you have the best personality on the panel, and you don't always get to show your expertise because often you go last. Which is unfair in my view. But, I have to admit that I like geeking out with Chase too. That guy will take you down the rabbit hole. But people watching this channel know you are as good or better than others, but you always go last.
I know someone who promises the world-telling people what he can see they want to hear. Full of charm and will say how generous he is. Then it comes to it-absolutely no follow-through-a good (?) con-man!
My daughter's father-in-law stares at me. Its weird. I already know he's a psychopath. He has zero emotion or empathy. I just completely ignore it and carry on like nothings happening. Not going to let that man intimidate me. Never show anxiety or fear in front of a psychopath. It triggers them on. Learn to read people. See what they are and act in your own interest. You don't have to give yourself to everyone you meet. Honesty isn't always the best policy with strangers. Stay safe.
So fascinating! I went to college for psyc but not all the way but the reason for that was it sparked my interest so much bc I was raised by a narcissist mother and abusive father then married a narcissist. My studies in college truly kept me sane and the study of behaviors 30 years later with you guys and others are so fun and so helpful!
The flying story made me laugh. My son when he was 9-y-o, noticed on a long, very bumpy flight, that I was concerned (though I was trying to hide it). So he explained to me why it was ok to fly in stormy weather with heavy turbulence. He made so much sense that I've been ok with turbulence since then. He got his pilot license at 17 and is now an aerospace engineer so I guess he really did have a clue.
I have great respect for you Scott, including the other 3 wonderfully experienced & skilled individuals (kudos to Chase, Greg & Mark on the Behavior Panel. ❤
That Wells case keeps me up sometimes… all the things that he’s admitted to make me sick to my stomach but still feel he didn’t actually disappear her.
Thank you for taking your time answeing the questions and helping us learn about behaviors. I guess I was interested in body language and behavior when I was a little girl. When I went to go visit my grandma, I would sit at the window and watch the people going to and from the market. I would ask why people walk certain way, question their behaviors. My mum told me I was interested and ask her when we would be out somewhere why this person was upset when it seemed to be inappropriate to be upset and so forth. The interest never left me. I worked in healthcare system for 29 years. Worked in about each department when caring for others. I would of love to have had this training. This helps me now and especially when helping with the crisis services. Thank you for sharing and God Bless
lol speaking of being too nice, when I started my job as a housekeeper at a hospital a coworker I met was way too nice I instantly felt something was off about this guy. Recently he was caught doing inappropriate things to himself in front of children while on the job. He was arrested but I heard he bailed out. Dude was creepy.
I saw Doc Watson in concert at the Lebanon Opera House many years ago with Leo Kottke. He was brilliant. What a rich childhood you must have had with that music.
Wow, as a fellow North Carolinian and audio engineer, I knew of Doc Watson. That's really cool that you knew him. Thanks for your information; it gives a lot of insight.
Is that video you discussed on this channel, with you and Greg? I've been watching a lot of court videos that are a treasure trove of behaviors. I appreciate you saying people who like true crime are simply curious as to what goes on. Its been a real eye opene r to me.
@@menarussell It took years to catch on and see a pattern. I now wish I had left. It would have been less stressful, but then, you never know how bad it could be elsewhere. All places can have work relationship issues. I was commenting because of how many there were and to see how they interacted, trying to up each other. Lol.
Good info as always Scott! Going through security at the airports is horrible to go through. I have 2 replaced knees (titanium.) I set off all the bells and whistles every time! I would tell them I had replaced knees they were make me go through the scanner every time. I would get patted down. Then sent over to a lead security desk and go through the same drill. I was not afraid just totally embarrassed. By the time they were done with me I would go to my husband and breakdown crying. Thank goodness now when I approach the scanner they say okay and have me go through an X-ray machine and then they can see my knees and I’m done. Talk about a hassle!
Sometimes, people that go around boasting, thinking they are smarter than you, while the real smart ones, just, observe wirhout saying a word. This might be insignificant, but I have pretty good intuition, because I pick up on little hints about a person. I try not to judge, but I have been right, often. Really enjoy TBP. Thanks for your valued input. Scott. 🙂👍🤓❤️
I agree with you, that’s my observation as well. The one bragging and talking a lot about being (the) smart(est) is seldom the smartest one in the room, it’s rather a person who is very concerned about being seen by others as (the) smart(est), much rooted in insecurity. Smart people show, don’t tell, and don’t make it about themselves, but about what’s important.
"Too nice" describes the movers who stole about $5k of my stuff. Wish I'd known that, but I wasn't watching you guys a few years ago. You can bet that's on my radar since then!
I will have to try theirs. I had my first and only hot chicken experience at the Johnny Cash’s Bar & BBQ. I LOVED IT! Thank you for introducing us to hot chicken. I live in Alabama, and I have not had it to the quality I experienced in Nashville 👍👍👍
I think the introduction should be updated to "Scott is a body language and Hattie B's hot chicken expert..." 😁 If they increase their sales, we know why! Super fun and educational, as usual!
Psychopaths can fool trained professionals. They definitely pass and are often very well liked. Sometimes the charm and charisma, plus the gut feeling, is enough for me. You can't know. It might be me and my own baggage, and I might be wrong, but my experiences have shown me that's how it is.
On you tube I watch a woman who is a great stand up. She's from Tennessee. I think her name is something like Jeannie Morgan.? When I started watching you, I thought you sounded like you're from Tennessee. You use similar phrases, "I love me a little baby." And "Bless her heart." I was delighted that I was right!
I dated a narcissist about 10 years ago and never encountered someone like this. Love bombing and gifts. One night he was telling an outrageous story over coffee. Something seemed off. Should have walked away at that cringy feeling during the crazy story. Wish my younger self had some of these tips.
It depends on if the playbook has been used up around these people before.. when my game gets tired with a certain group of people.. it's on to the next..
My ex husband was a major narcissistic. Everything was ALWAYS about him. He didn't understand the concept of empathy. He was just a bad person. Then he suffered a traumatic brain injury and his personality shifted. He can still be a jerk but his level of narcissism is nowhere what it was. I've known him for almost 30 years, 15 married, 15 divorced. He's a lot easier to get along with now.