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My 93 year old mother passed in April. She had been a resident of a Care Home for three years. Interacting with her, and caring for her drained every caring cell from my being. At her ending, I felt numb. Her passing was more relief than grief. I am 73. 73 years of dealing with my Mother's health, emotional, and mental issues. The drama is over!
My mum was in a care home in the U.K. My sister had the house deeds transferred to her, my brother and her son, without me knowing some 7 years before. I took her out to live with me once I moved back to my home city. The fatigue of dealing with mum and her “circus” care package of two careers, four times every day, was draining. I was a nurse specialist in mental health for 31 years and took early retirement to look after my mum. She was very challenging, but she was my mum. She passed in 2018 at 90 years of age.... at that point I thought God was playing tricks on me and that she was bloody immortal, but she passed peacefully in her bed, with me holding her hand. 🥰
I am elderly. I feel I can return my opinion. First up, there is a retired guy in his nineties across the street from me, who in my view manifests most, or perhaps all your stated indicators. But then I assess myself. You know, I suggest we are right now, the result of our lifetime up to this point. Some of us have lived tragedies that have made us remote from all those who once were near and dear. Another casualty for me, is that I once believed and trusted in goodness, - even on the part of those who present themselves as righteous and virtuous - but are not. 33 years ago my family was attacked, and I had to defend my family. I experienced the worst of people, including officials and authorities. Since then, my resultant caution has been misrepresented as Paranoia. I saved our children, but not the marriage. I then had to deal with false allegations which asset stripped the family, meaning our poverty reminds us / me every day. Friends desert us when they hear lies about us, now the kids live far away, I live alone. Anyone living next door might see me when I check my mailbox, but no other time. I'm not at all violent. I think I am polite and courteous but your markers do fit me surprisingly well. May I suggest that elderly lose energy and motivation when they are made spare with no role, and no finance for hobbies, and one's likely remaining life is too short to take on an animal pet which might be orphaned. I guess many might say I am depressed, but I see it as a natural effect of experience. Like so many elderly, my kids live far away, in a modern world in which I don't belong. Occasionally I will hear of one, or the other, but we never see the family together, even though I am still on good terms with my ex. Being old can be painful physically and emotionally. I used to hear elderly folks remark on how their medics or administrators appear school age and can not have any quantity of adult life experience to help them with judgement - I now understand. As for technology, I avoid it if I can, BUT if I want to talk at all with the kids, I need to cope somehow.
Yes. We have an elderly relative in her 90s who's been in hospital for a week and some comments have been made about her paranoia. Well, she wasn't paranoid before she went into hospital. The problem is that some members of staff express themselves very thoughlessly. She has a chest infection which is responding to antibiotics, and she's getting some additional oxygen. We expect her back home in a few days. Sometime on the first day that she was in hospital a member of staff approached her about signing a DNR, when her condition isn't fatal. Also, another member made a mistaken assumption that she was never going home. Plus, there's a problem with staff who use baby-talk when they are dealing with the elderly, and she is remembering how her father was abused and assaulted in an old people's home, 50 years ago. So, she really has much more to deal with than staff might recognise.
I agree with your views on realistic paranoia. My workshop was broken into and most of my equipment stolen. Some was found by the police but the crooks were young and acting on orders, sort of random for them. I have had windows broken by stones since. My feeling of being invaded and subsequent burglar alarms could be regarded as an over reaction. No wonder PTSD has become so widespread, imagine a violent home invasion.
You sound like an intelligent, good person. I too am older and isolated from family with little financial means. I have reflected on how we may live a good, solid life but have little control over events that, in later years, can turn our previous lives upside down-at a time when we don’t have the energy or means to build it back. I also think paranoia for older folks can come from our growing knowledge that we are vulnerable and can do little to protect ourselves. You seem to be at peace (more or less) with your situation, but still I pray encouragement and provision for you. If you don’t know Him yet, consider getting to know Jesus Christ. He is my only source of hope and peace at this time in my life. Blessings to you.
I'm 66 and I have actually improved in every point on this list because when I was younger all my bandwidth was spent making myself useful for other people. Finally I've woken up and am enjoying life and having fun for myself. 🙂
I would like to hear her revisit this list when she becomes elderly. I am 77 yo, my wife is 72. In 55 years of marriage, we repeat many of our past experiences. I have heard all of her stories and she has heard all of mine. These experiences are our memories, they made up our lives. To expect that we stop repeating these stories is not a sign of our dementia, it is more a sign that the medical professionals, especially the younger ones, lack understanding of the aging process. As one ages, your new experiences are few and far between. Everyday is much like the day before, it is more routine, more isolated and one has less practice speaking to outsiders. Often, your close friends and relatives are seldom seen or heard from. This is not dementia, as much as the way society lives.
My opinion, at 71, is if you are safe, taking your meds, eating & sleeping well, and not in pain you’re above the fray. However, a few friends of mine have had these issues, become noticeably stressed over them. Once they were helped back on a healthy routine they improved dramatically. So while you are safe and well nourished, others are not.
My hunch is the difference between folks who know they are fondly revisiting memories and those who have no clue that they have shared these experiences many times already, and often with a very short time (like five minutes previously).
@@sarahdee374 yes, and also Siskos is right, too. We need professionals to monitor themselves as they get older, and give feedback on their experiences from a professional point of view.
This is why she emphasized that this list is NOT to be used for diagnosis, but as a reason to go get a real professional to evaluate your loved one properly. Don't use only the internet to come to any conclusions about real people.
My mom had all the symptoms. You lose them before they pass. I remember grieving when the realization hit me. At 72 I keep tabs on myself. So far so good.
My mom died at 94 and was swift up to the end - She did repeat stories but I think that was pretty normal - The older we get the narrower our lives become and the less we have to talk about - I am 80 and I find myself repeating stories but I am certainly not senile - I usually preface it with, " HaveI already told you this"? -
I'm 65 and my friends and I repeat stories. We also ask, have I told you this? 😊 My mom lived to 94. Lived alone until age 89. The last couple years she had intermittent dementia and could hardly walk. But most days, she knew who I was. I'm very thankful for that.
Dr. Leslie Am an Alzheimer patient. Am grateful for your efforts to educate me about my disease. Every day am slipping out of the hole I had found myself in. Barely a year since my disgnosis, as 75-year old I intend to remain optimistic in my remaining few years! Be well! Keffy
One thing you missed is a condition called sundowning where they become very aggressive and combative toward the evening. Your program is very helpful. Thank you!
Sundowning is having any of these kinds of symptoms emerge or get worse in late afternoon or evening. It's certainly common in dementia; delirium symptoms can also get worse later in the day. Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you found the video helpful.
@@BetterHealthWhileAgingi found your video very informative, so goad that you didn’t pitch any meds or vitamins like other doctors . New sub here looking forward your new vids thank you 🙏
As a 75 y/o man who lives alone, with his little doggy, your series is a real comfort. On my own, I can allow myself to wonder if I'm slipping. You help to ground me - I'm so much more 'together' than I sometimes imagine. My worst 'short term memory' incident was: by the time I stood up from my recliner, I'd forgotten why. Unable to 'pay attention?' I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, which was an epiphany. It explained my short attention span, and my poor grades in school, etc. I've blurted 'inappropriate' responses to comments that I found offensive all through the years. I'm sure I've lost a few potential friends, doing that, but I've also gained a few. Depression and anxiety have been constant companions since I was a child. I'm joined at the waist to the internet now, so I always know what month/day/year it is, though I have little reason to care. Every day is pretty much like the rest, but I have obligations to attend to - my doggy's needs, and my own self esteem. And yadayadabibbidybobbidyboo. Thanks for the reassurance!
Glad you have your dog for companionship, & unconditional love...better company than most people. Self acceptance, validation, & encouragement are important when we lack those things from other humans. I have a belief in the CREATOR/CREATION, GOD, & THE MOTHER EARTH ...YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE, NO LESS THAN THE TREES & THE STARS , & THE STARS. ..YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE. ..HERE, & YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO LIVES IN SOLITUDE.
I’m 82 and very close to the symptoms you’d describe. I have tried to change and be smart and strong,friendly with good people and to fight back on bullies,to work any job been offered,to enjoy my hobby,to help my family,but didn’t work as I’ve planned.Also couldn’t keep up with new technology ,maybe in next life (if there’s one)I’ll be at least among to those who can think clearly and make good decisions in life. I still blame two concussion at young age and inherited arthritis and other bad events accumulated till now…
Keep all this in perspective. An awful lot of these symptoms can be caused by prescription medications. Concern about theft and intruders can also be a reasonable reaction to living alone in urban areas.
This is why she emphasized that this list is NOT to be used for diagnosis, but as a reason to go get a real professional to evaluate your loved one properly. Don't use only the internet to come to any conclusions about real people.
Excellent video, Dr. Kernisan, but there are a couple of other signs of cognitive decline that could be added: 1) a sudden onset of impulsivity, and 2) paradoxically, the opposite of paranoia, wherein a person is _too_ trusting to someone with whom she or he is only recently and vaguely acquainted, leading to crimes such as financial elder abuse.
01 Signs of poor judgement 02 Reduced interest in leisure activities 03 Repeating oneself 04 Difficulty in learning to use something new 05 Forgetting the year or month 06 Difficulty in managing money or finances 07 Problems with appointments or commitments 08 Daily struggles with memory or thinking 09 Paranoid or suspicious thoughts 10 Delusions 11 Visual or auditory hallucinations 12 Personality changes 13 Embarrassing behaviors 14 Lack of insight 15 Verbal of physical aggression 16 Significant fluctuations in mental abilities 17 Difficulty in paying attention or focusing 18 Getting lost in familiar places 19 Driving getting much worse 20 Signs of depressed mood 21 Increased anxiety or worry
I always search the comments for a list like this. lol. But I also understand that she emphasized that this list is NOT to be used for diagnosis, but as a reason to go get a real professional to evaluate your loved one properly. Don't use only the internet to come to any conclusions about real people.
I firmly believe that a lot of the mental problems experienced by elderly people (and I am one) are the direct result of polypharmacy--taking a whole lot of different prescription drugs constantly. I was a RN, and have seen that too many doctors get elderly people out of their offices quickly by prescribing another drug for whatever the that visit's complaint is. Too many of them do not ever stop any of the drugs that the patient is already taking, that they may no longer need, or are taking for a problem that some more recently prescribed drug is also for. Add in the plethora of drug ads bombarding anyone who watches TV, and our national behavior of expecting all problems to be curable by popping another pill (also fed by those ads), and it's easy to see why a lot of older people show signs of mental problems. My brother recently turned 65 and had an insurance required physical with cardiac stress test. Which was normal. BP in our family is low, and his runs 90/60, but the cardiologist tried to tell him he needed to start on blood pressure medicine. When pressed to explain why, the cardiologist's answer was because my brother is over 65. This sort of thing is all too common in medicine in this country.
This is especially true with anti depressants, & anti anxiety drugs which have severe side effects of suicide, & homicide. ..& personality changes. Instead of prescribing counseling. ..Dr.s, & nuts practitioners start anyone who walks through the doors with any complaint these dangerous drugs, & if the patient isn't "cured"...start adding on more, more drugs in combination !! NO wonder our society is so messed up !! & how many suicides, & homicides are connected to the over prescribing & use of these unwarranted drugs !? If you are lonely. ..join a group, volunteer, go to a library, museum, music venue, any Annonimous group which applies, a senior center, a book club, flea market, local restaurant, or volunteer at an animal shelter, homeless shelter, soup kitchen, etc...
When our patients enter hospice, they are taken off most of their scrip drugs, and almost invariably improve. Some are even able to leave hospice for extended periods of time.
I can relate to this. I had a blood test recently which showed that my cholesterol was normal, but I still get nagged to take statins. I tried them once, but felt so rough on them that I won't touch them again.
I know a female friend who has Alzheimer's and is paranoid of anyone who may be part of a companion care organization that is hired to come into her house to help out. As it is, I'm a friend of 35 years (not even a family member) who have been taking her to the neurologist, and other doctors, appointments, tests, etc. while her closest niece is 75 miles away and comes over to see her occasionally. We're trying to get others more closely involved but I've been taking care of her since November 2021 when she broke her shoulder and it's April 2023 now. The neurologist says that someone needs to be with her most of the time to help against falls, etc. But I definitely need to be out of the loop on this since emotionally, I'm about at my wits end and really don't have any legal reason to continue this except to be a good person. But even that has its limits so I can live my own life.
Wow, you have been a really wonderful and generous friend, to be supporting her for the past 18 months. She and her family have been very lucky! And...you don't have to keep doing it and you do deserve to live your own life. I would recommend letting her family know that you will need to transition out of your current level of caregiving. For yourself, you can think about what you'd be willing to still do to help, and let the family know. They will probably not step up a lot initially...they'll be hoping you'll still step up, and also it's not easy to find other solutions...they do exist but they take effort and persistence and also potentially money (e.g. finding her another living situation or getting paid help to supervise her...which she is likely to resist at first, but with persistence it may be possible to get her to adjust to it). Her family might find it helpful to watch my free workshop on helping a parent with memory loss. Thank you again for all you've done for your friend, and good luck!
@@Sc-dd6hb Sigh. That's a difficult situation when there are no family or friends. Usually either a neighbor calls Adult Protective Services at some point, or the older person gets brought to the hospital by EMS because of some kind of problem. If they really cannot care for themselves, they might be put under guardianship, but that usually only happens after things have gotten VERY bad and also after the person has been brought into the hospital several times. If a person is losing their memory or thinking abilities, someone else HAS to step in. The social service/medical system is poorly equipped to do it though...we are not a society that generally invests much in social services. I don't like to talk much about these types of situations as I find it freaks out people who have no family. I would encourage those who are solo aging to try to create connections with others while they can, via church, volunteering, meeting neighbors, etc. You do have to give to create those connections. But then hopefully someone will come through for you if ever you are in need.
I'm older and know tons of older people. Most of the things listed are normal. I believe you are talking about stark, obvious very different for that person. Especially in this age of isolation many of these things are very normal.
She did often say that if its dfferent from how they usualy are. This is why she emphasized that this list is NOT to be used for diagnosis, but as a reason to go get a real professional to evaluate your loved one properly. Don't use only the internet to come to any conclusions about real people.
How can you get an adult to go to a medical appointment for these things when they deny it is happening? There seems to be no recourse even if the person is bordering on reckless behaviors and causing harm, like spending all the money so there's no food, driving poorly and getting lost a lot, paranoid and screaming at kids about it, but this is not seen as a crime against the family. I have told Dr.s but the person, who has many of these signs, will not go.
I know a hollistic businesswoman who told me her mother-in-law refused to listen to her regarding health, and prevention, and to reverse beginning signs of dementia. Her mother-in-law was stubborn, refused to listen, and lived in a high rise senior housing, married too, and that attitude is selfish, unfair to all of the other tenants because it puts the tenants in the building in danger. The mother-in-law was married too. The building manager, or authority in charge said they would keep an eye on her. That was not a good idea! The mother-in-law woke up from sleep in her bed, not recognizing her own husband in the bed and fear gripped her and she bludgeoned him to death! I am sorry but tough love, it must be addressed, truthfully, to consider loved ones and unfairness to them, that cooperation is vital, and breakthrough is possible!
I hate to suggest this, but sometimes deception is the only way to get them seen. Take the person out to lunch before the (unannounced)appt. and have someone else with you to get them into the office, clinic, etc. My dad's problem turned out to be a thyroid deficiency that went too far to be reversed.
Great advice Dr. Leslie. I've watched many older people in my family go down with "dementia - suspected Alzheimer's" and am trying to keep tabs on my siblings, and myself. Thanks for the tips!
If your loved one has been victimized by theft in the past, chances are they are going to be worried about repeat incidents. Also, being on a fixed income and experiencing loss does cause anxiety and depression.
I am 70 years old and a caretaker for a lady (84) no family, and without any fee, since 2019, she has Parkinson disease and maybe Alzheimers, and paranoia and psychosis. She is convinced her neighbors want to murder her slowly by pumping bad air into her flat and so her legs are become bigger and bigger. She sees armed boys in her bathroom, her neighbor lays on her sofa at night, clocks are cameras and lamps spread kobalt radiation. And so on. I can write a book about it! My own house I did not see for several months now because she wants my attention 24 hours a day. I took over from another friend in 2019 and feel trapped, it is difficult to quit now. Nurses are taking care for her four times a day and the rest of the time I am in charge. I am a butler for day and night! It is a heavy burden ..
I am amazed, you are describing my Mom to a Tee going through the list, she passed from Alzheimer's back in 2013, She would repeat a question several times, and this broke our hearts. Every young adult should watch this video, Mom started her progression in the disease back in the mid 90's and we did not know much about it!! Thankfully we had an excellent care home that guided us 5 kids through what to expect. God showed me the home He wanted her in, they took outstanding care of her and it was only 3 miles from my home. I was elected to be the surrogate for Mom, and it was a huge honor to take care of her. Not one bed sore in the 10 years she was in the home before passing. My sister had the toughest time because she was Mom's only daughter and Mom no longer knew any of us!! You have a calming voice and face and it is easy to listen to you give your knowledge!! Please continue to help folks like me in their senior years, I have subscribed because this is information everyone needs and can benefit from!! God Bless You!
Thank you for watching the video. You can find my top suggestions for keeping memory and brain function at their best here: betterhealthwhileaging.net/brain-health-checklist-for-healthy-aging/
Learn how to preserve your present memory and play memory games that you gain confidence in yourself and improve . Its in our mind as picture association with sound smell many perceptions .
Suggestion: Use automatic payments when possible. Setting them up to pay the minimum monthly payments ensures at least the minimum payment will be covered. Generally, accounts allow extra payments between monthly due dates.
My dad has been experiencing many of these symptoms. He has gotten a couple of large sums of money for being totaled as a veteran and it was spent quickly. He had been complaining heavily about his high truck payment But then refused to pay off the debt while he had the money. It wasn't long after the money was gone that his central heat and air went down. He's using a window air conditioner now in a house that definitely needs central heating and air. There is not much to show for the money that he had. He was very controlling and stingy about it as well with my mom and his granddaughter, which is his entire household. He has only gotten worse and has become more aggressive and critical about the spending now that the money has been gone for awhile. He told a granddaughter who lives in another county that he hates his wife. He's very hostile most of the time when trying to discuss serious things. He has had some hallucinations and delusions. He does show signs of bipolar disorder in my firm opinion. The challenge is that when he goes to see his doctor about these problems, he passes their tests with shining colors and they dismiss the incident as a problem with me. He once threatened to commit suicide when he had left my mom to be with a girl in a recovery home for a while. He became violent over that girl who never stopped using drugs. Lay at his feet holding onto his leg begging for money, and he just seemed to enjoy that coming from that pretty young lady. When that affair was finally over, he returned home to his wife, and they only become more separated in each other's presence. He claims, "There's nothing wrong with me, it's everyone else is the problem," verbatim. He is a sweetheart in the community and a narcissist at home. He denies having ever done anything like dropping a dish onto a counter and saying, "That sucks!" I've seen him do so many times after mom worked hard on a meal. As a result, she doesn't cook much, and he complains consistently about it. He is a sweetheart in the community and a narcissist at home. He thinks his wife has an agenda against him because of how she has to defend their granddaughter from his behavior which is so often unreasonable as he tries to discipline her. He does everything in anger at home. He is the victim, and everyone else is the perpetrator working against his life. The problem I see is with his doctors. Sweetheart mentality when he comes in and acts very cognitively aware and responsible, denying any of his symptoms, and then he comes back and says I told you so. One time not too many years ago, he was threatening suicide over his affair with that lady from the recovery home. I called his therapist at the Huntington, WV VA, and before I could finish a sentence, she asked me, “Don't you want him to be happy?” She had apparently bought completely into everything my dad had told her. I forgot to mention that he gets hurt all the time doing work in other people's homes. He buys all the supplies for the work he's doing, then he tells them a much lower price than what he paid for the supplies, then when he gets paid, he complains that he can't make any money doing what he needs to do. He has fallen off of a roof twice. The first time he went out in a helicopter because he landed on concrete and hid his head so hard. He is still crazy enough to get back on a roof! He had a triple bypass surgery, about three years ago I guess. He has not attended a follow-up appointment after that surgery. Not even once! I'm sorry about the trouble with my writing here. I just get frustrated as I go on about it. I've given in to hopelessness on this situation. I've told my mom to just watch for the time when she'll have to put him in a nursing home. Hopefully I'll be able to help her then. Thank you so much for your video. It's amazing to feel validated for once. LOL!
You hit the nail on the head when you described him as a narcissist !! Their are many RU-vid Dr.s which specialize on the subject. "Surviving Narcissism ", Dr. LES CARTER, & also explore scapegoating, & related subjects. I really feal that the medical field is lacking in psychology instruction, & just love to prescribe anti depressants, & anti anxiety drugs...when they have no expertise in this field.
Thank you for your Insights and Lists of questions that my daughters and son should be aware of concerning Their father and Mother. That's Me (Dad and their Mom) I can answer these questions myself and it is worrisome !
Beautiful piece of art, plants, bookshelf....SOMETHING...it is hard to hang in with a visual field that looks this unpleasant, really. You are lovely...and your subject matter expertise is fantastic, and you are a great teacher...please help your surroundings/background to also reflect these things. You are utilizing a visual medium; embrace its best practices! 🙂
I have a friend (mid 70s) who began to exhibit nearly all of the symptoms you relate. It came on very quickly, and did end up being diagnosed as dementia (Parkinsons-related-probably Lewy Body.) It was not easy to get that diagnosis, however, as she has no close family-only lots of friends and a few elderly cousins. And of course, as friends, there wasn't much we could do. We weren't allowed to speak on her behalf to doctors or social workers, and she was adamant that there was nothing wrong,. It took AGES to get the dementia officially recognised, especially as she had the sort that allowed her to act normally sometimes ...which often happened when she was scheduled for evaluation! She would categorically deny that the things people were 'saying about her' were true, and accused many of us of having bad designs on her, and trying to gaslight her. Which, of course, we were not doing. She did eventually get so bad that agencies like the police and other providers like utility companies, the banks, etc, began to notice, and eventually her house of cards fell down. She is now in a care home, which is where she should have gone much earlier than she did. It's difficult, when the person with developing dementia does not want to admit it, and nobody else is qualified to speak with doctors or authorities on their behalf.
Or you could have a relative who is a thief and a liar and your elderly person may not be paranoid or delusional. They may be recognizing that a thief has been in their home.
Rather than the natural memory loss of Aging or Alzheimers or Dementia, I would love to know about Memory Loss, caused by General Anesthesia. And what we can do about it.
I wish you the best of health, Dr. Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH, as you continue to make these videos, which will help many people stay alert, for themselves and their families! Thank you very much for the specialized information that you give to these videos! ¡Le deseo mucha salud, Dra. Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH, para que siga haciendo estos videos, que ayudarán a muchas personas a mantenerse alerta, para ellos mismos y sus familiares! ¡Muchas gracias por la información especializada, que le da usted a estos videos!
One other thing that should be mentioned. Have they started a new drug for a medical condition? There are many drugs out there that can cause mental and physical problems.
Gp has now written refuses treatment on my husbands records. So there is no chance of even raising issues with gp. He makes bad decisions all the time and is paranoid most of the time. I've given up in this area.
My mom died at age 94. I cared for her the last 2+ years. Being her only caregiver was physically and mentally exhausting. We could not afford to hire help. She had intermittent dementia. Some days she was hateful but that was the disease. She was always a loving person with a servant's heart. Doing for others was her greatest joy. I'm glad she is no longer suffering but God i miss her. My tears still fall frequently. She was the best. ❤ (Please be careful if the doctor wants them on anti psychotic drugs. They made mom much worse. The doctor agreed to stop them)
If you take notes on paper of those important things that will exercise your mind . Also good to have calendars of your schedule day week month . That should help also . Anything no matter how simple acknowledge yourself of a good thing done . That will boost your moral .
My MIL fell and broke her leg in her late 90'S, yes 90'S. She still lives alone (has a tenant in the guest house). My husband has her health care power of attorney. He tried to speak with her doctors about signs of her declining mental state and they wouldn't even talk to him. Seriously. She was 98. She is now 100 and nothing has changed except she continues to slowly decline. She has an 86 year old friend helping her. He really shouldn't be driving either. But certainly she knows she's off a bit. She doesn't want others to know so she keeps her children at arms length. She's created issues between family members so that is easy.
I’m 85 years old and I do have difficulty remembering what I did last week or rather what day etc. Otherwise I don’t think it’s serious yet! My husband is ADHD and he lets people do things with our things without asking if I’m okay with it! I get frustrated with him! But otherwise I think we’re okay 👌!😊😅😮😢🎉😂❤
How do you get a parent help or even diagnosed if they refuse to go to the doctor. My mother also has hyperthyroidism and since the meds she has been on for that "aren't working" or making her better she says there's no reason to go. And the doctor won't refill the hyperthyroid meds without seeing her. She is extremely stubborn and says NO to just about everything suggested so I am at a loss.
This is a great question and a very common dilemma! There is no easy answer; you basically need to try many different approaches. Because this is SUCH a common situation and it takes several steps (and many attempts) to make progress, I wrote a book that covers much of what to do. It's called When Your Aging Parent Needs Help and you can find it on Amazon here: www.amazon.com/Aging-Parent-Needs-Step-Step/dp/173615320X If your mom seems to be having memory loss or thinking problems, then I cover a method family members can use in my online free training betterhealthwhileaging.mykajabi.com/free-memory-loss-safety-training Good luck!
I spoke with my mother's doctor and asked for help. They sent the state out to her house. She was having a good day and could give them the year and who was president, as well as speaker of the house. Six months later, she flooded her basement, which caused her furnace to stop. The electric company called the state, and they removed her. It usually doesn't have a Hallmark ending, but don't give up! You are protecting your parent from fires, food poisoning, overdoses, scammers, thieves, and death.
Doctor, This list is wonderful. I would add 1 thing to it. If you see a bad or negative behavior that was always evident but at a tolerated level by others but has now become magnified and intolerable, this is an indicator. The TBI community knows this magnification. The lack of filtering ability or tempering ability. Can you address how some of these changes can be sudden and triggered by an event, fall, sudden weakness, illness, etc. ? You are describing my mother-in-law who has kicked my wife out of her life after we took care of her for more than 10 years.
I can't stand all this new gadget, technology which we are supposed to spend money on. I prefer do do things the way I've always done and what works best for me and not spend money on technology I don't want. I don't like "things " being forced upon us. Let's see the young people function without their technology.
i’m dealing with a nightmarish situation. My then 78 yr old mom was diagnosed with dementia in 2021, but my parents kept it a secret from me. My dad was apparently acting as her caregiver while making it appear that she was fully independent, even allowing her to drive after failing a simulation exam. When she failed, she then cried to the nurse that it was because my dad abused her. Of course none of that was true. But then one thing led to another with other family members confabulating with my mother, and my dad essentially committed suicide. Now im left with no one to care for my mom & she refuses all care. Of course the biggest tragedy has been that my beautiful dad died, and now my rotten vegetable brain mom is here, but this is aside the point. A lot of the behaviors typically associated with dementia-Alzheimer’s, mom has exhibited since I was a child. Paranoia, delusions, hostility, aggression, and getting her way through means of intimidation. Also hoarding! On top of that, now we have severe short term memory loss, poor executive function, erratic behaviors, and cognitive decline to the point that she will eat rancid food and tell you it taste delicious and insist that you eat it too! So my question is where does the crazy end and the dementia /Alzheimer’s begin? I think I recently heard that neurotic personality types are more prone to dementia Alzheimer’s, but I’m neurotic just by being her daughter, so I have a fear that I’m going to get it as well, and I will not do it genetic test, but I wonder what made my mother like this in the first place and now she’s much worse to the point of needing to be placed but she’s like a snake in a basket that you can’t get near without without getting bitten. I’m aware that she’s in the stage where she has lost all recognition of her diagnosis but that doesn’t help me in my efforts to try to get her help. She’s also confabulating with my sister to remove me as the DOA and they tried to smear me and say that I’ve stolen all the money when in fact, I’ve just moved it into the trust, but I can’t reason with these people. It’s like I’m fighting an endless war that i’ll never get over.
Dr. Kernisan, your work is SO IMPORTANT! Just INVALUABLE! Thank you!! I invite you to consider choosing a more beautiful backdrop, rather than your plain dull white wall. While this seems facile and utterly superficial, it WILL HELP YOU gain more views and viewers. MANY people out here NEED YOU! Hope you will consider 🙂
Wake up call: ELDER ABUSE. 1)Some people steal from their older relatives. Maybe re-think that part about theft. 2)If someone is on the receiving end of elder abuse there is a pretty good chance they will be angry and/or depressed and/or anxious. Maybe re-think that part as well.
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So true on no.10, 11and no.14. Patience who take meds for dementia/alzhemese and Parkinson shows such symptoms. I know 3 people that have such diseases and I can't have relationship with. Horrible to be around.
People as we age need to keep educationing ourselves. I have short term memory lost at age 68 but play piano and guitars.. To many older people sit on the tv set causing this. Walking being active in the community. Poor judgement is emotional attachments. EFT tapping helps
So informative. How can we get a list of these? We live far from family but we are self aware (i think) . Would be nice to have something to keep track of each other. And to see how often these occur
I'm 91 years old and I guess that I am fine. I drive better than most and my finance is up to date. My chief complaint is that I am getting more absent minded. I live alone, but still happily married, if you can believe that.
This is interesting as far as I’m concerned, I’m 78 and my cousin has just died from frontal lobe memory loss. I find I do not have any on your list . Just a note for you, your delivery speed is almost frantic, please slow down a little it’s hard to take your words in with ease.
What do you recommend if it is yourself that you see most of the 8 first signs frequently? I'm 63 and struggling. I have been unable to find medical care that listens.I know there are multiple factors, but each Dr. seems to say it's your medications, lower your stress or simply that it's not their area. I am incredibly frustrated and don't know where to turn.
My mother is really repetitive in conversations … we are all worried about it… she is combative and will NOT go to the doctor. She lies and can’t remember the lies she tell….she can pass the little questions the GP asks… My dad is slipping too, but it’s different … they are in their 70s.
wow that was about 35 years ago for me . Now in my 70’s continue to exercise my mind with electronics . Want to reduce electronics but good for the mental health exercises .
My mother in-law seems to have developed most of these overnight and over the past month has gotten worse. She has been to her GP and we are waiting for referrals to neurologist and psychologist however it is extremely distressing. It as if she has another personality so far removed from her true self.
For cognitive symptoms that develop "overnight", we would look for a trigger, such as a medication change, a new illness, an electrolyte imbalance, etc. A head injury or sometimes a certain type of stroke can also cause relatively sudden decline. Neurodegenerative conditions like Alzheimer's don't suddenly develop or worsen overnight...although people can have mild Alzheimer's that their family hasn't really detected, and that can get suddenly much worse if there's a trigger as above. It is really hard to see a loved one very changed...good luck w your evaluation.
I've had short term memory issues since age 19 in the Army.. And I know people who are guilty of all 8 of your "symptoms" ..lol...some are just narcissistic, or spoiled...or have ADHD or a form of Autism...so take this with a grain of salt....also be aware SOME meds will make a person hallucinate!!...like incontinence meds called Oxibutenin..hope I spelled that correctly.
I am looking or a publication for my children that will guide then on dealing with my memory loss and other issues as I get older. I have been diagnosed with mild-moderate memory loss at 78 years old. My children, in their mid 40’s are busy with families and while they may care, they have no idea what to do for me. I assume there is a resource that will enlighten them on what I may experience and what helpful responses would be.
Repeating stories? I mean, yeah, in the same conversation that’s troubling but we old f@rts have a repertoire of stories - we just sometimes forget who we’ve told them to. I ask most of the time lol
My family are story repeaters we just enjoy repeating out of conversation sometimes it’s annoying but understand . 🤪Some need to say how busy they are with children and animals when starting a conversation . Yes have heard that for 40 years didn’t know you had a dog or children .
Of course medical professionals are not themselves geriatric... But I wish there was a way to give them insight. Ageing biology is parallel with MANY lifestyle changes that are unintended, unwanted and unpleasant. These EXTERNAL factors can have a big impact on a person at ANY age. The problem with this video and public information is not everyone has empathy, not even grown-up children of elders. Elders need care of course, but they also need protecting from a range of abuses (hostile or just inept). Ever heard the saying < you can't teach an old dog new tricks>?! Or < once bitten twice shy>?! Paranoia stems from isolation and fear, humans are not designed to live alone!! The only link to age is the increased frailty, and other perpetual stressors like poverty, fear of the future, death!! Honestly young people are CLUELESS how easy their lives are by comparison. And it's not rocket science to realize and be tolerant to the slowing down physical and mental... And yet society is SO impatient and bitchy, no wonder elders don't go out much. The problems are not elders but the increasingly selfish and myopic young generations (even middle age who should know better), expecting everyone they encounter to be like THEM. INTOLERANCE in this world is a nightmare. Anyway, a lot of these 'deficits' are the result of life experience, emotions (i.e. preferences!), and social isolation... One major cause of isolation is bc young people treat elders like some kind of alien species, mostly ignored - but sometimes abused and victimised. If you happen to live in a less pleasant neighborhood then odds are good you will accumulate mental trauma. And being old is tough enough as it is without kids casual insults.
Lack of filtering is simply not giving a shit what others think. When younger I had to care to avoid consequences. Now, consequences be damned. I speak my mind.
