Heal Chaos and Overwhelm: DECLUTTER Every Part of Your Life 

Thank you so much for the encouraging words! -Cara@TeamFairy

What they said. I've tried my best to deal with clutter but it always comes back! 🙄

Same here I'm still wowing

I've been in & out of therapy for about 15yrs now, and I also have NEVER had a single therapist connect mess with mental health, let alone history of trauma. None of their desks were much neater than mine, though. 👀😆I expressed a lot of angst regarding my inability to keep a tidy house, and each one seemed to dismiss or brush it off. I would be told I'm worrying about the wrong things, or not to take it so seriously. The male therapists would look at me with pity, as if they were thinking, "poor woman, stressing herself out over matters so frivolous." This video's summary of how mess is interconnected with a dysfunctional history was *very* relevant to my life & how I "keep house!!" Too relevant. 😅 Last week I watched a RU-vid video about decluttering home and mind, it was on Mel Robbins channel (I don't remember the name of who she interviewed, the woman was a blogger who stumbled into the field via addressing her own issues). I found the interview VERY informational, and I can honestly say just one week after watching that video (it was like an hour and a half long) I have less stress and feel less overwhelmed about my house. I actually have a bit of hope that every surface isn't going to be cluttered forever, that I will be able to maintain a house that I'm not embarrassed of when I have visitors. The main idea that stuck out to me was the perception of "getting the house in shape," as being a project vs ongoing process/daily habit. I attack a cleaning like a project, because my daily "normal" isn't able to maintain the house at my preferred level of cleanliness. Instead of addressing the house the way you would any other project, apparently it is less stressful to approach it with methods that can become an ongoing (daily) process, so that the daily reality is closer to our preference. Another concept I really liked was the "container concept," which helps prioritize what to keep around difficult emotions that (usually) get in the way of minimizing/letting things go. A place to live has only so much space; our dressers are not infinite, the containers have a max amount. We come to terms with the reality of the amount of stuff our containers can reasonably handle. The issue isn't filth/mold with clutter, moreso too much stuff than the container can fit comfortably! Purging the excess stuff is no longer you choosing to toss things due to their value/lack of; it becomes a process of honoring the space you have and it's true capacity, as well as being authentic/ in tune with yourself and the life you want to have. Basically you fill your containers with your favorite things until they are full. If you find that you wish to add something, you choose which thing is less favored comparatively for you personally. (Almost like a boundary issue, now that I think of it; extra clutter might be an inability to recognize the boundaries of a container/space; what will fit properly and look nice and not frustrate us.) I definitely recommend listening to that interview if you get the chance! I started listening to it "in the background," while I was cooking, but I ended up stopping about halfway through and restarting from the beginning, when I was able to sit down and take notes!! I didn't think they'd say anything that was actually new or shocking about keeping a clean home, TBH. They actually covered four or five ideas and systems that were quite different from how I have ever considered cleaning or organizing.

@@PaigeSquared was the person being interviewed KC Davis? Her book “How To Keep House While Drowning” helped me so much. I resonate with everything you said. A male therapist told me that I’m just messy and that’s ok and that a man will like me as I am. 🙄But no, I’m not messy, I like clear spaces, I just have trauma and chronic disregulation. What an incompetent asshole he was

same here....

Same-since there’s no emotional attachment the decisions are almost effortless for me if I’m helping someone else.

Truth be told it's cuz we are attached to our stuff

Same❤😅😅

Yes, because there’s no shame attached to someone else’s stuff, whereas our own is marinaded in shame.

Boom

I agree 💯

Clutter helps me hide.

For some. For me clutter keeps people away. I feel less anxious. Plus I think it was one of the few areas of passive resistance as a child to my mother’s intrusive and controlling behavior. You want a clean house? Yeah? Watch this…..

As I read "clutter keeps people away" I thought: Ah! Why should people be kept away, did people cause harm in the past? Then I read further and it makes total sense. It's almost like a subconscious defense mechanism or behaviour meant to protect the self from harm (in this case: people/mother). Thank you for sharing because now I understand myself even better.

That sounds lovely!

Makes soooo much sense that this would be helpful culturally (non-shaming as everyone is doing it) plus people can anticipate the time and practice and know that "this is what we're doing now!" Thanks so much for sharing! Peace to you

@sauravbasu8805 Excellent idea. I also think it makes a person feel more accountable when everyone else is doing this along with you. Short-term goals though with a beginning & an end makes it more manageable in my opinion. Thanks for the idea.

That's me totally 😢😢

I wash my bed covers a lot more often than that.

same here .

Just explained to my adult son as we watched this video that anxiety/clutter/anxiety/(etc.) is not only a vicious cycle that "snowballs" as things get worse, but often are a chicken/egg phenomenon. It is not important which came first, and often there is no way to tell. Other things, such as being busy and short on time, and pulled from all sides, I've found, can trigger both at the same time! Often there are external factors -- sometimes related to past trauma -- that can trigger one, the other, or both. It is good to be aware of this, and prepared to break the cycle early, as soon as you are away. This video, perhaps most importantly, helps one prepare to identify the presence of clutter/anxiety, and get in front of it. Start small, especially if feeling overwhelmed. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was the site for building Roma cleared/decluttered in a day! I explained to my son that if you know both are occurring and you find yourself in pajamas on Saturday at 11 AM, sometimes the best thing you can do to work on the clutter (and to dispel the feeling of being overwhelmed) is to take a shower and get dressed, first! Clutter/anxiety is tied closely into associated (even if minimal semblance of) depression and self-defeating thoughts. Best to start at the bottom with the simple yet important things, and work up ... Little by little. Minimalism movement is great, but some influencers make it sound easy and once-and-done. It is most certainly not! Decluttering, like Minimalism, is a process of not only changing the status quo, but also changing our outlooks and behaviors. This can only occur a little at a time. Again, Rome...

Well said. @@dubya5626

I never found it relaxing struggling to keep up . When I was young, I was rushing around like a nut case trying to keep everything in placemaking. Sure, laundry toys, etc. We're all put in place and nicely done. And I had several older ladies. Tell me your children will only be children for a little while. And you're not even letting them play healthfully. Because you are insistent upon having everything, put away nicely, they said, relax and enjoy your life Perfection is not to be all and end all. In fact my mind felt so much more healthy after that. There did come time as my children got olderthat I insisted they help me keep things organized. And to be honest, I have a couple of my children who are not healthy mentally but they keep their place in order and it is a big thing for them. I think somehow some people feel like if you look organized and you look healthy somehow. It will happen and you will feel better about yourself. I don't know. I definitely need to unclutter but I do not want to become obsessed with it again like I used to be

Kinda went from one extreme to the other, myself.

🎯

This is all too common in older folks as they age

That’s so true

Spot on!

Its similar to how people with a ton of unresolved & unhealed trama/baggage are over x10 more likely to be addicted to something, their brains are seeking coping mechanisms for all the stockpiled hidden pain and they don't even know it.

Amen!

Yes I was going to say the same. Priceless truth.

god it's so difficult to realize this... thank you all for reminding me

Identification is often mental clutter

Easier said than done. 😪

It's ok. She's talking to those of us with clutter issues. The last section is very helpful, because it expands "clutter" to emotional blocks. It's wonderful content!

​@latebloomer7191 cut it out.. thenOP has a right to express an opposing opinion if she wants..! control your issues..! they can be either side of the fence.. gl!

That is what some people say about their spouse

@@hankhill3417 - indeed they do

It's hard to let go of gifts. I struggle with this. It makes me feel I'm ungrateful.

I love that!!!

@@hankhill3417 🤣

Great points, thank you for sharing. -Cara@TeamFairy

I will survive this. Thank you 🙏 it's been very difficult just to give myself some grace.

"... it is so difficult to declutter while trying to survive" - you said it!

Yes, I understand what it's like to be married to someone like that, it's very traumatizing. It's taken me years to heal from this. I'm still healing and praying and healing.... it's a process ✝️🙏✝️.

Thank you for sharing this. I am with a narcissistic spouse and it makes a lot of sense. I never had this problem prior to being with him

You are lucky your ex didn't alienate your son. Mine has alienated both my children.

I did a sharp intake of breath when I read your comment. Sounds precisely the same as my situation, except I am all on my own. It's so difficult.

Life is HARD! I'm proud of you.

​@user-bs5sk9kp3c you are never alone. God is with you. Reach out to DV support groups, maybe that will help. I know the shame is paralizing...Please love yourself enough to get out of unkind situations.

Me too! I kept the best house and I was super mommy until he broke me. Now I'm just broken and no longer social butterfly as my own children I hardly even see anymore because I don't leave the house in order to go do anything and they don't want to just come hang out with me at my house. Why don't they want to come hang out at my house? Because I just have a lot of stuff! There's a never-ending cycle to this s***.

I'm so glad the video was helpful, thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I’ll bet you raised her well! Blessings to you!❤️✌️

Yes, as a parent of SN kids I can relate.

What I relate to is so much these life events the passing of someone where we take on the items of other people, especially the items of other people we care and love so much that have gone on… Parents, death, kids, leaving the nest,… It’s not where it all began for me with clutter, but it intensified the situation and itmade the part where I feel immobile locked into place

Oh, but what I meant to say, you have a situation in the present tense a living situation, a life situation that demands all your attention. You can’t always just take care of even having a few extra hours or minutes to fix up all the clutter and get it organized, especially with the overwhelm in your life and mind.

What a great story of inspiration Christine! Thank you for sharing about your city having a "hoarding team" - what a great, great idea! I had no idea such a thing might exist! It's always so inspiring when people are courageous enough to share their truth - so thank you!! Enjoy this new space & place within yourself. ♥

Brave and selfless of you to share your experience. Thank you! Glad it's a happy ending.

That is wonderful ! We knew some people that used to be our neighbors that had a house that was dirty and over taken by animal smell. The husband had a stroke and lived a few more years in this mess before he died. Too bad they didn’t have to clean it up before he came home from the hospital. I feel his last years would have been more peaceful in a clean, decent environment.

Thank you for sharing your amazing experience. I'm glad your husband was able to come back to your home and share in your reenergized space. So brave of you to go through this and tell us about the experience. The fact that your city government was able to facilitate and help pay for this service is so great! I for one never realized that this was an option out there. Love and light to you and I'm sure your newfound energy will lead you down new and exciting paths!❤️

Wow. What a wonderful support response. I'm so glad you were able to get that kind of help from your community. My best hopes for you and your husband.

We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I can relate. I did the same thing. She’s super, and very helpful! No more hating ourselves!✌️❤️

Yes She is able to relate with us. As she has had to overcome some things also.

Agreed :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Do away with the people in your life who take your trauma as your identity.

I think many younger people today are embracing the exact opposite idea. Trauma has become trendy like a fashion style that many people on social media try to one-up each other with.

I love that!! Thank you

That is a common mistake among people. If a person HAS flu, flu is seen as a disease caused by microorganisms. But for some strange reason, people say "you ARE" + name of a mental issue. To BE and to HAVE are different things. We need NOT to normalize lack of health. I suspect that narcissistic people with power want not to be criticized and that is why they promote such ill normalization principles. They fear criticism so much and they believe that they are the standard, not the outlier. And that is part of their disorder.

Wow. Better late than never. Time to begin to live. You can do this!

There is a Clutters Anonymous

Me too ❤❤❤

Yes

This would be me.

I wish.

The GREAT REPUBLICAN RECESSION DID ME IN, I HAD SAVED FOR 40 YEARS BUT I WAS SELF-EMPLOYED SO NO GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE. I DIDN’T HAVE WORK I HAD MY SAVINGS. I LIVED ON MY RETIREMENT SAVINGS FOR 4 YEARS DEPLETED MY SAVINGS. NOW AS A RETIRED PERSON I AM POOR,

​@@user-yt3so4pk7uit wasn't republicans.. go back to barney frank who was a Democrat, he should be in jail for what he did to fanny mae and freddy mac.. even W (republican president, warned us on the front page of the NY times..!) said something should be done abt fanny mae and freddy mac.. but the Dem congress wouldnt.. it was the clintons who de-funded our intel and caused 911.. and also clinton had an almost Trillion (yes with a capital "T"..!) Trillion $$ dollar surplus (SURPLUS!) when he took office.. and what did he do with it.. ffs educate yourself on what happened before parroting the soros-sponsored cnn propaganda..

​@@user-yt3so4pk7ualso even if self-employed.. after 4O years you should easily hav a decent social security amount unless you broke the law and never paid taxes and employment deductions..

Well done and Congratulations!😃

I love your Analysis of the Space. I go at least 5 years at a time collecting clutter until I've had enough and start cleaning until I run out of steam (usually when all space is used and I don't want to get rid of anything). I usually get started by opening up one space area. Then I use that space for sorting and getting rid of things while deciding where to put keep things. My first step is to get boxes and sort between trash and non-trash (Non-Trash Gets sorted according to the room I'm going to just those those things in while I focus on decluttering and cleaning just one room). Sadly, I've never gotten fully past the first step in my 22 years of adulthood. But at least I can manage not to let my home become a hoarder's paradise.

I feel for you, but I'm also really proud of you for getting started.

You can do this! You are obviously the strongest person ever because you were gifted for caring for others that cannot take care of themselves. It's helped me to do just 1 thing, without allowing any other thoughts to creep in. Do 1 thing at a time. If you make a decision on 1 thing, move to the next. And allow yourself to feel the accomplishment of doing that 1 thing. Good luck!

P)

I celebrate the tiniest of successes these days. like putting away one or two items when I go into another room. My Mantra has been Hey it's better than it was. But you're right, even doing one thing provides instant gratification ( and probably a dopamine rush LOL) and really helps with the shame. I got rid of an exercise machine & 3 old lawn mowers that were part of the giant mountain of things in my garage and it really really helped. You quite a lot on your hands to go through at one time, and I am relating with you quite a bit with my situation. We got this! I truly feel lighter and have hope for the future. I know we're going to make it :) I'm so practiced at being resilient but today I had some healthy anger and my Rebellion picked up today and I literally refuse to let these difficult times get the best of me. Light and love and healing strength to you, my friend.

Me also!👍

Same! I also may do something like "today I will clean up 26 things" (since I'm 26 years old). My husband does the same thing because I do it (he cleans 32 things)

I love this! "Hey. It's better than it was!" Very good thing to say to yourself after improving in any way. It's like giving yourself a gold star for your little victory! I got 2 things done today that were hanging over my head for a while now... but at the cost of failing at getting done another thing I really wanted to get done today too. I'm trying to focus on giving myself credit for the 2 things and not to sulk about the failure of the 1 task not completed.

Your method is the same method i have for cleaning house. I pick up clothes to put in the laundry and i remember i have to put the wash in the dryer, which i also have to empty before i can empty the washing machine. Then i remember I needed some of that stuff to clean your machine off of Amazon so I go to my phone to order it before i forget. Then when I'm on Amazon i remember that i meant to order vitamins so i order those too. And the beat goes on.....

Recently, I was trying to remove "One thing, from each room, every day." It was going pretty well up to the point when i had to go out of state for a bit, then got sick, then had a family emergency, then injured my back. Hoping to get back on track soon. Like you said, one day at a time. And appreciate the win, no matter how small.

Did you ever observe that you clutter more when you have lower physical and mental energy ?

yep. and i've noticed surrounding myself with stuff i like (books, games, clothes, journals) and letting them be everywhere/wherever instead of organizing them, makes me feel constantly "comforted". i also love that i am rebelling against my abusive mom's obsession with "cleanliness" over even her children's mental health.

@@user-lw3ri8us4w hey are you okay?

Also it says, I HAVE ALL THIS, I OWN all this, especially if you grew up really poor

You might find running on empty books 1 and 2 helpful

@@KoolT That was my Dad in a nutshell. When videocassettes came out, he just couldn't believe all of the movies that he could own!

Yes, freedom is the answer. That was a hard situation to get out of, happy for you :) -Cara@TeamFairy

oh my god i had the exact same experience. my mother was so disgustingly abusive and shamey when it came to cleaning. OF COURSE i'd grow to fcking hate it and avoid it. in my case i still accumulate things and am messy, but i'm slowly getting better as i heal as well. congratulations on your healing so far and blessings for your future healing.

I have the same problem! My dad would yell at me that I'm messy and to clean but didn't tell me how or what to do. My mother would scream at me to clean and then tell me I did it wrong and she would do it herself after I had tried. I learned that it's not something I can do and just didn't try anymore because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough and I would just avoid it. I'm trying to associate good things with cleaning now. I put on music and make a to do list and watch cleaning videos to learn. I'm not over it but I'm working on it.

I do (but from here on it will be DID) this. I don't scream at them the entire time but I get so angry that they don't do it right. It's always been in my head, that they have enough time to do it right. Thank you for sharing this. I have never seen it from this perspective. (OCD on cleanliness but not clutter apparently)

I can sooo relate, y'all! Not only did my mom yell at me with an abusive mantra that she repeated until I cried so hard I was hyperventilating, then she would have me go help her organize (hold boxes, put them down, hand them back to her) When I was curious about what was in a box and wanted to know more, I got in trouble for asking, shamed, and learned to be quiet and play assistant to my mom, praying she wouldn't re-start the abuse. When I got introduced to IFS (Internal Family Systems) and could name "a part of me holds on to things longer than they are useful" or "a part of me feels overwhelmed and doesn't believe I can ever get organized," REALLY helped me stop shaming myself and start believing in me. I LOVE organizing WITH someone helping me (ADHD, too) White board helps me loads, too! Love and Peace, Hope & Deep Breathing to you all! xo

You can find a help with God; the Father who made you in his image, the Son Jesus who lived, and was Crucified, died for Our sins, and Rose from the dead, Conquering death for us...and the Holy Spirit who is With us on Earth Always! I am so sorry for your Great Loses, God will Never leave us...I am praying for you and Us, try talking to God, I am Catholic and we are lost without God. You are worth it!

I live in a small house and about to move into a Tiny. I know exactly what you mean! :)

matter of opinion

😲

It sounds like you're making great progress! Thanks for sharing. -Calista@TeamFairy

Omg...you are sooooo right

The older I get and less physicality I have, the more crap stacks up...cant declutter when u cant pickup the bags and boxes, so we stack...nobody likes around me and now its too cluttered to hire someone😢😂

Good for you, it's very uplifting, you are taking back your power.

PJj, just try one little space at a time. With me it's like the more I declutter the more energy I have. Starting is the hardest part.

I feel so much shame about my inability to keep my home clean 😭

@@Abril-1234 you’re still a good person and that’s what matters.

@@Abril-1234 True! It's worse when we get older. Just FOLLOW simple rules - Throw garbage in garbage can. All garbage and food. Keep the kitchen sink empty. Hang up clothes. Put clothes in drawers. ALWAYS clean the toilet bowl. Vacuum - picks up hair, dust, crumbs, ashes. Maybe you're eligible for a home health aid. In NJ they do laundry, vacuum, dust, clean bathroom, wash dishes - like a personal house cleaning. Please look into that through your social services, food stamps and ask your Doctor. You can do it!!! God bless you 🌹✝️🌹

@@lizziesangi1602 I can get through the first half of your list dealing with the kitchen. I may not always get to everything else - as long the kitchen is clean and organized - it becomes my focal point to help me not get overwhelmed as much.

​@@tillygirl7450 Put the stuff on a weekly calendar because breaking it down makes it easier. Once that system is working add small tasks to it. Be aware of your place feeling better to be in & treat yourself with a new tea, flowers, etc..

This is wonderful advice. I have boxes of cheap clothes in the basement that feel too expensive to discard, but too cruddy to wear.

I agree. Used to motivate my kids with the finale of the William Tell Overture (Lone Ranger music) to see how much we could put away before that rousing music ended. Nowadays I play the "game of 10" with myself. When the clutter is overwhelming, I say to myself, "Well, I'll just put away 10 things." That goes fast and I'm usually motivated to play the same game again and again.

Thank you! I'll try that, one small spot, 5-10 minutes a day. It should eventually help make a difference. All the paper clutter is so embarrassing but every time I try to fix it, my heart starts pounding and I'm extremely overwhelmed.

I really like this idea. I'm an all or nothing type, which basically have me doing nothing.😂 Thank you for this great suggestion. 😊

Thanks for the tip. Actually, after watching this video I started removing stuff already. Will work on toiletries later in the day. This is so freeing.

​@@machitect Good change! 🎉

Ditto 💞

Same. This popped up under a completely unrelated video but I never thought clutter was a result of past trauma.

Same here.... It was by accident and i so needed to hear this.. 💕🙏🏾

I heard that too

Me too! So glad you came up in my feed. I'm just starting therapy for depression and want him to watch this video because I don't know if he understands these connections. I got a TBI (traumatic brain injury) at work in April 2019 and I've never been so overwhelmed with clutter, and feelings of absolute humiliation. I'd just unloaded 2 storage units to my small home after selling my 2nd home. My current home is 675 sq ft the other was 2025 sq ft and there was a lot of things to purge, donate, etc. My intention was to go through it all as quickly as possible and then I got the TBI and multiple bodily injuries. Within 5 days I couldn't walk or talk normal and had multi tonal tinnitus 24/7 and couldn't sleep for almost 2 years. I would go in spurts of purging then go into the inability to make decisions mindset and I was fatigued by the mental, emotional thoughts of the daunting tasks and then beating myself up over being 'lazy'. I'm still not back to work as dizzy spells from the injury keep resurfacing and it's likely I may not be able to. I'm a flight attendant and I loved my job, so I'm also dealing with confusion, fear, and uncertainty of my future. I'm feeling like a shell of my 'self' as I've had no social life, no physical support system other than by phone with a few friends. I know just having my clutter gone I will free up stuck energy and feel better about myself and see more open choices for my life. But I'm 67 and I feel I'm just watching the countdown of my life as I lose myself in the process.

SAME HERE!!! Your comment does me MUCH GOOD to read 😊🙏 (and the number of thumbs up when I read your comment is the same # as my birthday lol. A sentimental, meaningful synchronicity for me 😊 🧡) ALL THE BEST! All mighty, gentle, enjoyable, strengthening healing to you.

I understand this we live in the past and have to let things go. It's all psychological. Get counseling and pray. Try to live in the present. I am working on this now.

Same ❤

I wouldn't throw away sentimental things....

@@maureenkidd6629 sometimes we have to, in order to clear our space. We can take photos of the items for the memory.

Yes. When we are so used to not having things when we need them we will collect them when we can - because that's security for us.

@@batintheattic7293 security that came in handy when lockdowns due to the pandemic occurred, but not necessary at all times. I am striving to make it into a reasonable amount instead of going overboard like a zombie apocalypse is about to happen! I think my anxiety over the uncontrollable has a huge part in my hoarding, growing up poor was just a part. Praying for healing.

​@@jt4621 Keep it moving, Baby - You got this! Jesus is a Big Help! Couldn't do it without Him. ❤

I am with you

Yes. A lot of decluttering advice is "Just toss it - you can buy another if you need it." But many people can't buy another when the time comes. Anyone who has ever been poor probably hangs onto more things "just in case."

Yes!! FlyLady calls it, “Finally loving yourself.” ❤

I haven’t heard of FlyLady for so long! Thank you for the reminder ❤

@@haveyouflossedtoday Aww! You’re so welcome! She does daily videos and is so uplifting. I just love her! 🥰

Me too. I've become somewhat obsessed with cleaning after escaping an extremely messy environment where I was basically incapable of organizing or cleaning or anything of the sorts. It was also unhealthy, because I've literally had bad breakdowns if I was unable to clean on my "routine clean day" just because I was so horribly afraid that if I don't clean it now I'll never be able to clean again and somehow will go back to that horrid mess I've been living in. I think it's slowly going away and now I'm starting to just appreciate the act itself. I feel accomplished when I see a clean space and I feel like my efforts have paid off. It makes my brain feel good, in a way, like almost nothing does. It's also just nice to do an activity where you can just kind of turn your brain off and just "scrub scrub vacuum scrub no thoughts head empty", it's such a nice feeling when most of the time your brain seems to work on emergency mode.

bless you what a good tip you made me smile

Thanks for your kind comment! Happy de-cluttering! Julie@TeamFairy

I do that every day. It doesnt get anywhere. At some point you may need help. Everyday i do whats in front of me which is the dogs stuff the kids stuff the dishes the sink the floor the bathroom etc... but theres then no energy left for organising the guitar related things. Or the old laptop chargers in a box. Lol. At a certain point you have to go beyond whats in front of you which is the daily chores and get somone in to help with the overload.

@@Padraigp I'm finding that taking good supplements, and increasing my protein intake has increased my energy, and I am able to accomplish more. It is a good feeling! 😍 🌿 🙆🏻‍♀️

@@GypsyGirl317 nice. I should remember to get more protien as well when i did force myself it made a difference my muscles felt a lot less sore all the time but ive not been doing it lately. Coffee is not the bets breakfast but sometimes all i feel i have time for. Thanks for the reminder!

Amen

Thank you so much for your comment. My mother violated every part of me… she raided my room and my clothes regularly. Then I married an abusive, invasive, controlling alcoholic. I managed to heal a lot in therapy and get away from all my abusers. EMDR helped a lot. But then the pandemic brought back all the chaos and distress of my unpredictable childhood. I was once again afraid in my own home. I couldn’t see any point in cleaning just to stay locked up alone in my house. I felt safer with stuff piled all around me. I’m definitely in hiding. Thank you for what you shared. I feel less alone. I’m finally starting to find other ways to feel safe in the world again, and working at coming out from behind all my barricades. 🙏💕✨

Thank you for saying that. Now I understand why I keep my wardrobe of clothes on half of my bed that my ex would have had as his side. He was an abuser and withdrew from me sexually. And I never felt safe sleeping next to him. Not sure what to do with this.

Well said. I can totally relate to this as I hide in my messy cocoon.

What an insightful comment, I agree it's definitely true in my case.

You worded what I feel.

Hi, I can so relate to your comment. I too feel stuck. Yet I find that when things are getting visibly better, I make it worse. This is a new revelation. I'😢m actually taking the exact opposite action, and rebuilding my clutter comfort blanket?!! 😢😂...Not sure how to get started again?

I get it. It's so debilitating at times.

well done doing the laundry...I know that was not easy....well done...wishing you all the best

That's so awesome. I try and pick up just one item from the floor per week. Doing that helps build my self-esteem and confidence in myself.

@@breegray4162 Hi Bree, I totally get what you're saying. 2 [personal] life examples came to mind. Mine were both fear-based. Future Events Appearing Real. The first was an audition back in the late 80's at Six Flags Great Adventure (NJ), for their Variety Shows. My vocal audition went very well. After the "dance" audition (I'm a singer), the person making the selections invited me back, but told me to "lose 13 pounds". As binge-eating was always a way for me to self-soothe, I immediately bought a package of candy orange slices and frantically wolfed them down. Ensuring self-sabotage and failure. At 2nd audition, I obviously had not lost the weight. 🙄 So, I didn't get the job (I had sung with a band there called, "A Touch of Brass") for a season, many years before. I did get a callback to be a "body puppet" for one of the children's shows, Lol... Silly me, I declined. Only because I knew how hot those costumes were...I've "cut myself off at the knees" so many times; and its the last thing I ever wanted to have happen to myself. With that (I don't know if my rant helped at all)...Regarding your "clutter comfort blanket" 😥my bed has been a cluttered mess since my relationship (mutually) ended 3 months ago. I sleep on a "sliver" of his side. Like a can't bear to allow myself to rest on the entire bed. That it would just "amplify" how EMPTY I feel inside. 😭 See?...insight...❣🙏💖 It hurts...but it's a step in a healthier direction, I hope!🥰 I'm sending you a HUGE hug through the Universe. I hope it reaches you and spreads out to all of us trying to work through this mess. Again, Anna...Beloved Crappy Childhood Fairy, Thank you for bringing us all together, and reminding us that we are not alone, and Yes, we can heal. It may not happen as quickly as we would like...but we are beautiful "works in progress" after all...🥲🥰🙏💔💖😊

That’s so wonderful you were able to have that example to follow 💗

I also had childhood trauma. Like you I'm the opposite. I'm super extra anal about things not being orderly. I HAFTA have everything clean , neat & organized or I CNT function. I literally have brain fog if things are not orderly. Not OCD neat but tidy. I cannot function in dysfunction 🤷‍♀️

I had a bad childhood, but I am like Sandy. I am tidy but not immaculate. Being in a dirty, cluttered house just makes me more depressed.

I have to have things tidy and clean to function or else I get overwhelmed and stagnant but my husband thrives in the clutter. It’s always caused tension in the marriage. Any advise?

I think that sometimes clean, streamlined, and clutterfree is a way to control what you can, if only that much of your life. I've seen it in myself and in a few others. One friend had her fridge so clean and organized, it looked like a high end retailer's display case. Her parents had died suddenly and too young, and that hit her hard.

Same! Or even if I've cleaned my room, bathroom, etc., I know there's a mess hiding in the cabinets and closet, so cleaning doesn't really feel as fulfilling as it should.

I can clean all day but no 😔 ne could ever know bc of the clutter 😭

​@@despicabledavidshort3806 I can clean all day but never feel like I cleaned enough....or the overwhelm doesn't go away and I use the excuse of cleaning my house to basically hide from all of my other responsibilities but it really feels like I have to clean because I want to feel calm, but it doesn't work.

​@@anamac820 omg I get it. Isolation sucks

To me, cleaning and decluttering isn't fulfilling either. That's why I have so much trouble doing it. I get nothing out of it.

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

Yes, the clutter happens because of emotional attachment to events which happened 😢

Wow!

I’ve done the same thing~ Bless your heart!!! We are so thankful for this realization, aren’t we! It’s rough, but amazing at the same time… may you be blessed as you continue to progress!

That’s HUGE! Big hug and congratulations!

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Whoever you are, I don't know you personally but I can say that you're one of the non-judgmental and open-minded people who is not fixated on tangible or external factors in order to learn from someone like me. Just because someone doesn't have a piece of paper as a credential, doesn't mean that person is not entitled to share personal experiences with the hope & intention to inspire others. Keep up with whatever it is that you're doing to improve mankind or improving your life even to a slight degree each day. This is just one part of a bigger puzzle for creating my RU-vid channel about holistic health. I literally could have died back when I was 14 years old due to major depression but here I am right now replying to you, a RU-vidr, who's full of fulfillment and dedication to help others to be a better version of themselves. I ain't better than anyone else but my old self. That's all that really makes this RU-vid thing more meaningful and enjoyable. Thanks so much for your support! I am hoping that you can join me with this endless personal development journey! :)

This free course is an excellent jump start: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

I am a life coach and these are areas of my expertise in helping people move forward. I am also a mindset Mentor. I would love to give you a free 20 minute consultation if you are interested.

Canuckbelgo, I feel your pain! 😢 Luckily, before a beach vacation I got determined & had a breakthrough! I went low carb (Healthy Atkins/Keto) & finally started losing weight, so far 7 lbs!!! I watched tons of Keto and Functional Medicine Doctors like Dr Hyman, Dr Berg etc... So I did it by delaying breakfast til 10am, skipping lunch or grabbing a piece of cheese & meat or an apple (no bread!) if I felt light headed and we have dinner at 5:30-6. I have substituted wild rice or quinoa for brown rice or potatoes & a large mixed green salad, sometimes with sunflower seeds. Olive oil & red wine or balsamic vinegar for dressing. Now, this is the start of the FAST, so eat nothing til 10am the next morning! YOU CAN DO IT, YOU GOT THIS! 🎉😅 🙏 🤲 🕊 ♥️

Just always remember after your triggers anxiety etc that do many are just like you. & its ok to be how you are. A work in progress. Some of just take a bit more hilly path. ♡

Same I felt as though something thought I was supposed to hear this. The clothes really hit home for me

Great suggestion! -Cara@TeamFairy

I like that! Thank you 😊

❤ Our Father knows what we need! ❤

Wow! Beautiful suggestion, I do this like 3 years ago from now and is a joy and a really beautiful way to reach the wellness physically and spiritually, I have to confess that sometimes I skip but I always return to celebrate my day, is like my brain and body ask for it! Thanks to Hashem for his laws and counsel because He knows best!

God’s “10 Commandments “ are really just our Father’s loving instructions to bless us. So glad you have learned that. ❤

oh my god. this comment is so inspiring from me, who went through the exact same thing in childhood. thank you, thank you, for sharing your story.💗

What a horrible way to grow up and what an amazing experience of discovering this part of yourself! -Cara@TeamFairy

So sorry you had your Family treat you unkind … God bless and hope you have peace ☮️

Congratulations on getting your mental and emotional power back!!!!

@Aurikatariina mentioned 🇫🇮

Yes! Thank you for your kind words.

People love to ridicule others who have messy houses and clutter. It's not that simple and the clutter tends to accumulate over the years and it becomes an uphill battle to the one or ones struggling with it. People typically don't even try to understand their situation.

I’m 66 too and feel EXACTLY the same!! This video is going to be a game changer-I can feel it!❤

I am 67 and just found this. I agree with you!

I am almost 66 and I feel the same way too. Just found her!!👏👏👏

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

So true! 😢

Wonderful to be empowered to stop the cycle! -Cara@TeamFairy

So spot on..God bless you

Same here, best wishes to you.

I am 71. I had traumatizing parents who had also been traumatized in their childhoods. I'm still working on my issues from having them as parents.

I'm 71 and also working on all these issues. At least the information on U tooube has given me the info to empower me with some understanding!!!

It’s never too late. 60 here, wanting to change it before some other poor person has to do it.❤

I'm 74. Have NO ONE to dispose of my STUFF if I outlive my husband. My only child is dead and have no grandchildren. I find it so difficult to get rid of things that were gifts from my parents and grandparents....things that I love for the memories. I'm so stuck. 😢

68. Shame my whole life.

@@lydialedbetter2041 do you have any other family?

I believe that as long as you're alive and learning, there's no such thing as too late. Maybe your timing is perfect! My mom is 70, about to turn 71, (with childhood trauma and abusive partners as an adult), and she's taking steps forward, learning more, and her momentum has been building as she's slowly cut down on her meds. (With assistance from Drs) I believe whatever I feel drawn to learn more about holds my next step toward healing. Have you seen the documentary, "Medication Normal"? Whichever steps you take next, or even resting and processing, I'm rooting for you~

Isn't it great for us older folk to learn from Anna! She has answers we've needed our entire lives. Which brings hope back into the picture! So good!

🙏💕 MUCH LOVE to you 😌🐝🌞

If possible, you can try to find EMDR therapy, there are online ones as well. For me, it started healing from my trauma unbelievably quickly - two sessions were enough to see the difference! I wish you strength and good health 👋

Having shelves full of food is a good thing, its also smart

She is so wonderful and helpful! I felt the same exact way listening to her. ❤

I understand, I always used to have a proud home I called “guest ready”. Now, at my age and with sobriety I am drowning in trauma and I live in clutter and am ashamed of having guests over. It must be worse as a marine as you are trained to be neat and bounce coins off the bed. Now, I just can’t get out of bed.

@@bridgetsieger2261 I wouldn't mind talking to you personally. Because yeah you're right

@@jasonhansen8996 I literally don’t know how to make private chat in RU-vid can you show me ? I’d like to talk to you, too.

@@jasonhansen8996 I dunno how right I am about stuff anymore. I’m having such a hard time lately. Is it something in the air? How did I go from what I was to this? If you could see the clutter.. it’s not just that.. so much of myself I think is lost. Or gone. I’ve always been better pals and roommates with military folks because of ‘certain things’. I’ve not served, however. How are you?

Your story is moving. and funny at the end, which I love.

Lol... The end made me laugh. You're an excellent writer !

Keep going on it! Sending you good vibes✌🏼

How heart breaking 💔. Do not give up.

I'm so sorry ❤ I get it. Thinking of you.

But now you are cleaning and organizing for you. I got rid of everything that reminded me. Old photos are in a box under the stairs.

I didn't experience the abuse that you did, but I was verbally abused and hit as a (very young) child because of not cleaning to standards, when I had not been taught how to do it. I am better now than I used to be, but I still have trouble cleaning when anyone is watching, and if someone criticizes or gives me advice about cleaning while I'm cleaning, I shut down. It's very hard. ❤️❤️

I'm so sorry. We are with you

I do have clutter in all my rooms. I've been job hunting for 2 and half years, so I do get exhausted. But what helps me is exercising to fast funky music. Then I listen while I'm doing dishes, cleaning top of stove, sweeping, clean the tub. If we make cleaning fun with music, then we can stop "Trudging into drudgery". Singing while cleaning is also uplifting and therapeutic. It's important to make it fun. Then we can feel good about it .

​@@jazzsoul1695 you're very optimistic, aren't you 🤔

@@despicabledavidshort3806 Yes, I try to be. But v dysfunctional family! Cannot keep feeding the sharks! They will eat you alive!

I do this also, listen to danceable music

Exactly- anti dresser

Great suggestion! -Cara@TeamFairy

This is spot on to me. Clutter is a reflection of inner clutter. My journey with clutter and tolerance for it has moved naturally as I've healed. I now love throwing or gifting away what I would not want to move in 2-4 weeks if I had to. I've noted that certain physical and sexual trauma victims clutter their appearance by design to avoid drawing attention.

That's really good advice! 😊

I do this. It’s quite helpful to add one or two tasks which I have just completed onto my current task list. Say I suddenly scrub the tub because I see it is dirty and that’s yucky RIGHT NOW. Having done that sometimes will allow me to make a to-do list and Do It.

It might give you a dopamine boost, but everyone does not receive a dopamine boost.

Some even make it their entire identity and profession.

Yes, it makes you limp through life, never knowing why, instead of run. Get surgery and get it out. Take medication if necessary and go to counseling. Never disclose it, many people who had never been through traumatic events will rarely understand you. They may even be cold and callous. Go to God. People understand physical disease but not mental wounds or injuries. Unless they physically see i, they won't believe you.

@@frankG335 lol you are quite correct in that statement.

@@christinerisden5799 I can relate to being stalked, but had the opposite reaction. I wanted everything organized so that if something was moved I would know. I had to find a balance and not let clutter or being OCD control my life. I hope you find your balance.

@@christinerisden5799 🤗 I'm happy to hear this.

That's so recognisable

I am also in this picture! When I have enough presence of mind in this situation I set a timer for 15-25 minutes and tell myself I will work on SOMEthing, ANYthing for that time while I figure out what's the MOST useful thing to do. Doesn't always work but I'll take the times it does.

A friend once said something very supportive: "Baby steps rock!" Between upbringing, school, and work, I was convinced that if you didn't complete something entirely and perfectly, you were a failure, so starting almost anything was overwhelming. I've since discovered that even making a little bit of progress is, at least, progress. And often a little progress provides motivation. Getting started is half the battle, but after that.... "A body in motion stays in motion..."

I do have a clutter issue with unfinished DIY projects in the house and on car maintenance. Dedicating time on those tough tasks show very little visible reward at first but I've learned to be kind to myself on the progress that I do make on them.

I think she actually gets it! That made me feel better just hearing that. I also have he full cupboards full of food because it's always made me feel more secure knowing that I can go awhile without running out but I really can't eat this much and should stay out of the grocery stores until it goes down.

I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

Omg thank you❤

@@lovesafiyyah12 You're welcome. Really, they're just "notes to self", but I'm very happy you find them helpful :)

Thanks!

Thank you!!!

Thank you bunches! 🙏🌿💐🌿😊💚😘🌿💐🌿🙏

It can certianly serve as a way to take power back! -Cara@TeamFairy

My childhood was similar - my difficult Dad had hoarding tendencies. But he blamed me for the mess and, too often, threw my belongings out when he decluttered. As soon as I got my own place, it felt important to keep it calm and clear. I still find that I have to create a peaceful, visual space before settling down to concentrate on something I enjoy.

Same and some of my behavior has gone the opposite. I keep so much control over my environment keeping it clear of clutter it becomes obsessive. I know it's a knee jerk reaction to growing up in clutter, and it's still based in anxiety

Same here. I never had company growing up and aside from relatives I still prefer not to. I hate clutter. It's an uphill battle for me because my two kids are so messy. Their 'clean' is not clean at all. The 12 year old always wants company over and it gives me so much anxiety but I allow it for her sake lol.

Thank you for your comment. Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

I'm so glad it was helpful. Thanks.

Yes the black and white "either one or the other" thinking is so hard to shake and gain clear perspective 😓

62 is young.😢 Now she is resting.

@lesliefitzgerald2354 I sincerely hope you don’t let that bother you or make you feel bad that she drove you a little crazy. I get we all deal with things differently, but that was your best friend. That you was SO LUCKY to have for so long and I’m sure she knew you just meant well. A best friend doesn’t tell you what you WANT to hear, they tell you what you NEED to hear! I knew my best friend since birth, I only got ALMOST 15 years with her, and she consistently called me out when I needed it. She never let me just go with things. I knew it was because she loved me. That was a real friend. A real friend ALWAYS wants the best for you. I tell all the younger girls that I know if your best friend isn’t hyping you up even when you’re out shining her, she ain’t your friend. My JayGirl died Aug. 17th of 07 an her birthday is Oct. 20th. She would have been 15. I was just 15 myself when she passed. I’m 32 now. Not a day goes by I don’t think of her. She’s irreplaceable. 62 is too young, but your very lucky to have had as much time with her as you did. I like to think I keep a part of my bestie alive by who I am, I’m sure she’s still alive in you when people you knew see you. ♥️ I know this was so random and I hope you took it as heartfelt as I meant it. I just read that and for some reasons listed it really clicked with me.

So grateful you were her friend all those years, even if some moments were difficult for you. It's difficult to be as patient as you have had to be to be her friend. I get it! Thank you! GOD bless you! 💌🥳

That's so sad..

Thank God she had you ❤

You are so welcome! -Calista@TeamFairy

Very true! This person seems able to empathize!

Spot on! 😀 where did you learn about professional distance?

Standing OV 👏👏👏 u nailed it.. 👊 extremely relatable! Not a clinical approach.

​@@feeltheyumyumsprofessional distance is for professionals. But we ain't pros. I know I'm not. Are YOU?

@@purplerain0517not sure why the aggression? I learned about professional distance in graduate school becoming a clinical mental health counselor. I was just excited that someone else knew the term, and wondered where they learned it.

I had so much trauma in my youth! You name it and I’ve learned bed through it. I was the same as your mother UNTIL I was hurt on the job. Had a failed back surgery and began living in physical pain 24/7 (11 years ago). Then my mother who was my best friend, passed away and right after that I discovered my husband of 32 yrs cheating on me. My life is chaos and cluttered and I haven’t been able to change it.

I’m so so sorry all that has happened to you. He should never have treated you like that and I’m so so sorry for your loss, that is heartbreaking 💔 I’m glad you and your mother loved each other so much but I’m sorry you can’t share that friendship with her in the same way anymore. I doubt that anything I can say would help but I really hope you eventually arrive at a new normal that you can be at peace with 💕

@@em6644 Thank you! You are so kind! Little by little and day by day, my life is getting back to my happy place. I just have to purposefully get up every morning and focus on all the things I have to be grateful for (3 children and 5 grandchildren). I’m aware that children learn so much from their parents behavior. I can only pray my children learn that God has us during ALL times of our life. If God lead me to the storm, He will lead me out of it (or sometimes carry me out of it). I know I’ve never been through anything without coming through stronger and wiser than I was before. I thought I could not make it this far but God knew what I could handle. I won’t lie and say I haven’t wanted to give up. However, would I want my children or grandchildren to give up on life or deal with the suicide of a parent as I did as I watched my father put a bullet in head? Hell NO! I will teach by example. I will be strong for them. I will make them proud of me again. Thank you again for your kind words❤️🙏

​​@@ajuarez3869 One step at a time. Tidy for 15 mins where you can see immediately result. Celebrate the joy about them and bid it farewell. You will be okay. Be kind to yourself and rejoice in your uniqueness. Your mom made you and she was the best friend ever.

@@donijessen That is GREAT ADVICE! Thank you! You are so right about my mom. She was the strongest woman I have ever known. I try to make her proud every single day. Thanks again❤️🙏💪🏼