I agree. If the tone is positive, I don't feel like you're saying it in a way that you're telling the person they're only useful if they are helping or something to the effect. It's the same as saying, "F*ck off." to a good friend who says something sly while you all are joking around, as opposed to someone you dislike, such as a coworker or boss, who says a snide remark at work. Tone is everything and for some reason, a lot of people can't distinguish/discern tones anymore and sensitivity if through the roof. 🤷🏿♀️
@@lush4real I disagree. It's saying, if you would like to be useful in this situation, at this particular time, then please have at it. But that's my opinion and how I feel about it. Tone is everything. The way you say something and how and when it's said can mean two entirely different things. If he said it with a flippant attitude, then I can understand the feeling if disrespect. However, if he said it with a tone of graciousness and appreciation, then I wouldn't have been offended at all. Again, my opinion. 😊
This isn't rude by default, it's just a turn of phrase. But like all turns of phrase or regional colloquialisms, it can be taken the wrong way by someone who isn't used to it or has only heard it in negative contexts.
@@LadyASolveg Yes, I could comfortably use this with anybody if/when the context is appropriate. It's used as a lighthearted joke, not a serious measure of someone's worth. As with all humor-know your audience. It's just like sarcasm.
The only people who find this commonly used phrase to be offensive, are weak minded children. Society shouldn't change because the fragile feelings of a few people were hurt.
As an adult now, I totally understand them saying this now, they'd been to work all day. I honestly wish I knew back then how much really went into their parenting routine, so I could have helped them more.
Don't listen to these children. There's literally nothing wrong with the phrase. Only weak minded people take offense to something clearly meant to be a jest. This is where we are as a society... The pathetic and weak attempt to brainwash and manipulate the masses into changing culture. Just because you can't handle insignificant jokes, doesn't mean the rest of the world should change or feel bad about something literally everyone does.
Yeah, to me, it's rude only if one prepares to receive such comments with an air of hypersensitivity and the habit of hanging on to. Every. Single. Word. Someone says. Someone whom we know can say this, not a stranger.
How you say it makes a big difference. He said oh if you wanna make yourself useful after she had asked. But if you just tell somebody randomly make yourself useful and do this that or the other that’s different.
...but If it is true? I know a lot of people who are not useful at all... Maybe in Germany we are a lot more direct / blunt / honest and not focused in being polite all the time
Yah and If your mom asked if u needed help while you clearly need help yah make yourself useful is not rude it is a appropriate response in the station you could also say yah you can help me out but what is the difference in meaning nothing.
Uh...I am from the south and this isn't normal? It basically means, "Can you go do this?" I don't think its rude in the right context but if your MIL doesn't like that, good on her for making it known and nicely too.
I mean it's kinda rude. It implies you aren't useful if you aren't assisting them. In some families it may be more normal than others but it's definitely not something to say to everyone
It can be a quirky way to tell someone to do something, but the other party has to know what you’re talking about in order to not offend someone. It’s a “know your audience” kind of thing.
Yeah stopped him from giving her something to do when all she wanted to do was stop by and waste everybody's time and not actually be f****** useful. She's the rude one for stopping by unannounced and expecting people to cater to her attention needs
@@amy010276 those are wild assumptions to make, keep your own mother in law to yourself instead of projecting, and if you’re single it’s fundamentally your fault
@amy010276 See, that's why people think you're rude. You are rude and don't feel inclined to say that to your guests again. I paid to go to my brother's job, and his manager ignored me half the time and told me to make myself useful by closing with him while she went to run personal errands. Some people (like you) are just incredibly rude and manipulative.
I always thought it was just a saying. If someone asks if they can help, sure, make yourself useful & do ‘this’. I think people get offended way too easily nowadays.
This happened to me at work, I said it to someone in a more senior position to me but who wasn’t technically my boss, and a VP from another department kinda shamed me for it. I didn’t mean anything by it, just thought it was another expression.
It depends. It could be said instead of saying do me a favor and say make yourself useful. To me it still sounds extremely rude no matter how it's said. 😅
I am seeing a disturbingly large amount of people in the comments who are saying things like oh this is normal or it depends on the way you say it, NOOOOO absolutely not. The term "make yourself useful" is belittling & commonly used as an insult no matter how pretty it comes out of your mouth the whole purpose behind it is to make the person you're saying it to feel as though they are currently being useless. It's also a way of making people feel like they're not being helpful even when they're trying to be. Now if you have a lazy roommate or someone taking up space (that isn't a respected family elder perhaps) when things need to get done this is appropriate to say but it is absolutely never ok to say to people who offer help, employees or coworkers unless they're making you do all the work of course but maybe try other avenues first. I can almost guarantee that people you've said this to do not appreciate it & consider it very rude unless they are also unaware of what the meaning behind it is
You ain’t from the south are you? Because I gotta tell ya this phrase might be a bit informal but ain’t by no means meant to be rude where I’m from and I ain’t even that far south.
It would be normal in post Soviet Union countries that guests who arrive for more than 2-3days is involved in household chores specially if is in village farm...&in city for grandparents,aunties to cook or baby sitting for free for other family members to be useful ...but in West countries is like "is not my problem &rude"...no wonder people socialise normally on line more than in real life &die lonely...
Just because its a common phrase doesnt mean its not disrespectful at its core. Usefulness and value is normally dictated by how much labour you can provide to others. I can see why someone wouldnt like the phrase.
I think it’s only rude under circumstances But if your in the kitchen and say Hey could you make yourself useful and pass the coffee that wouldn’t be rude tone reallllyyyy matters tho
This is not a rude thing to say. It can be depending on the situation and how it's said, like so many other things, but in and of itself, it's simply saying, "If you want to help out in a useful way..." In the situation as described, there is nothing rude about it. The fact that no one has ever said anything to him about it should let him know that the mom is just being overly sensitive.
You're just wrong. It implies that they currently are useless. Like when someone says to make yourself presentable, it implies that you aren't. Also you might be a little autistic based on that train of thought.
The flashbacks i got from this. My mum would very often give the "ugh go make yourself useful and do..." If you dont think its rude you should consider the implication that statement makes that the person isnt useful unless they are working or doing something for others.
Reminds me when I first got my phone in college. I know late we're poor. I used to text using "!" in every end of my text and sometimes all caps. I didn't think much of it coz in my mind that is just me making a point. One time my professor appointed me as a leader in a group project. I was group with irregular students in higher year. I was giving them instructions thru text. My text is commanding and ends with the usual "!". He replied in a piss tone if I was angry or what. Took me a while why he said that. Holy sh!t, it just dawn to me my text comes off angry to many. I have been doing that through my freshman year. No one commented or corrected me before. I feel embarassed that time.
More commonly it's used in a demeaning or condescending way, OP probably said it in a polite tone which is why the mom was prompted to ask if he always says that
I never use this phrase because of the underlying meaning that the other person was useless before that point and you are settling for their help rather than needing it. There is no other definition of that phrase, and I guarantee you most if not all people will take it the wrong way. Don't make a habit of saying phrases if you don't know the full meaning of them especially considering who you're talking to
Honestly, me and my family say it all the time and always in a loving joking way when someone offers help. Only when help has been offered and never in a professional setting
She is wrong. It'not rude at all in this context and that's why all the other people didn't say anything about it. It's only rude if you are the one approaching and saying that to someone to demand help ... like it's a lazy kid. If help is offered you are fine using that term.
I hear that said all the time from people older than me people younger than me. Maybe it's just a regional thing. From the southeast. It all depends on the tone that you use when you say it. And in a jovial tone saying if you want to make yourself useful you can do this, especially after being asked if they can help, and my mind is in no way route. But if she had said nothing and before she went to leave you said make yourself useful and do this in a snid tone, yes that would be very rude
No a rude saying in the uk! If someone is asking for a task you saying “if you want to make your self useful” validating the action they are about to do will be very helpful
I grew up with this phrase too. I believe it's a quirky way of telling someone what to do. However, I can understand how people could take it as they are useless otherwise but that's being over sensitive imho.
Well my sisters and parents said that all the time whenever we have banquet or small gatherings, so I learnt how to set up plates and restock foods, and none of our family members got offended. But it's different when you have in laws now who are nurturing coddling 😅😅
I used to start questions with 'Is there a reason that....?' My now fiance pointed out that it's quite passive-aggressive and asked me to stop. I think I've said it twice since. But my brother was over and cooking in my kitchen and said the exact same thing. It was a bad habit drilled into us as children.
It's really not passive aggressive, depending on usage (exactly like the sentence in the video, depends on how you use it and who with). In fact it's much better to ask if there is a specific reason for something someone does rather than just assuming and getting upset with them for it.
Dear this is someone who thinks that only their way of growing and learning is right. This isn't rude. Your mother In law must wanna convert you into what she seems is right. Tone and attitude is everything!
Situations like this make me wonder how many of us have generations of normalized condescension and contempt and trauma. Objectively speaking anything in a tone can be negative. In general this is a rude and disrespectful way to speak to an elder. You would expect to get spoken to like this by a parent or elder. I speak multiple languages, all languages have a hierarchy of how you speak to whom. To my girlfriend's mother, "thank you for offering i need help with..." I also understand that we speak more in slang, common vernacular or generalized terms that we use and hear so much that we say it without a second thought. How often do we speak and not analyze what is coming out of our mouths, where we heard it, and in what context is it used and the origin of it. Language is fascinating bc even now, how many phrases do we no longer say bc you just can't say that anymore but were not said with malice or with a tone. The south has the famous "bless your heart" I had a similar experience in Spanish, as the phrase is, out of the goodness of your heart can you... I heard this growing up all the time, well at 10 I asked an uncle if out of the goodness of his heart can he pass the salt. The entire table of adults stopped and stared at me. Turns out you don't speak to your elders that way and it is a condescending phrase said in an ironic way, even though there was no tone or ill intention behind it, I learned similar lessons many times in different languages lol.
I guess it’s just a matter of perspective here. I too come from a titular southern family and have heard it all my life so I had no idea that phrase could be seen as rude.
I had a supervisor who would always say, “good enough for the chicks we date, right [my name]?” I’m not gay and it always made me giggle. I bet you a dollar he doesn’t say that to anyone anymore.
My husband will look at me wondering and ask me, " Do you want to do something useful," in a very genuine way, and I always say yes please because I want to be helpful and busy and he will give me a task to do
This might be a rare thing or just an in the south thing but down here it’s really all about tone if someone’s nasty when they say it then clearly they’re trying to be rude and demanding but most the time it said in a nice voice that’s kind of hard to explain in a comment sectionbut most times said down here isn’t used in rude way unless someone is being extremely lazy or disrespectful or the person saying it is simply a rude person
English is not my first language. I say to my kids "Try to be useful" so they are ready and looking for an opportunity to help. In my understanding if someone is useful it will make them feel rewarded.
My family says “If you’re not doing anything constructive” which if I remember correctly is from Christmas Vacation😂 that one can also very easily be taken as disrespectful
As someone coming from a background where this is not a common saying it comes off rude because it's implying that you're not useful otherwise obviously he didn't mean for it to be rude but it's still rude depending on the person
You were busy when she came over, she asked if she could help, saying “ make yourself useful and______ “ isn’t inherently rude. MIL asked to help, so help
My ex-boyfriend used to say " I'm going to get you to.. .."....(whatever) Left a message on a phone saying that " I'm going to get you to call me back at this number".
