I’m agree with you, but I don’t know if it’s the right way for handling the situation. Not for the consequences, but for the potential impact on the relationship with the cousins. The grandma it’s an adult and punished all the kids for the behavior of one of them isn’t fair and could cause friction between them and that’s not a consequence of his actions it’s a consequence of the grandma decision. I would completely understand if they hate him for his behavior, but not for the grandma decision.
@@Dimensionalalterationno bc afterwards he was upset bc everyone was mad at him. He will be less likely to do so again. Kids need structure and discipline.
@@blancavallejosgonzalez7664 If he learned his lession. If he didnt learn his lession then grandma needs a new tactic. Im pretty sure the cousins were annoyed when he took the toys away. Cant brush off not going to the pool. Real consequences usually gets kids to behave.
@@skyhime I think you are missing my point. It is normal for cousins to be angry with him for his behaviors, but not for them to be angry with him for the decisions of the adult in charge. My suggestion is not that I don't correct him, what I am saying is that I could have done it differently without creating more tension and punishing everyone. I am fine with teaching him the consequences of his actions, but not punishing him by deliberately creating hostility between cousins. I think a responsible, functioning adult should be able to correct without turning everyone against each other and without using social hostility. That grandmother better hope that the child does it again and changes her strategy because otherwise that child may generate resentment towards her that will make her regret it.
Maybe I want to know why she’s mad if she’s mad that her mom punished the child or is she mad because the mom punished the other kids and could possibly make it hard for the son to regain the relationship with his family
@@f3l15h4 or the husband. He also raised that child, and is speaking of him like it's not his problem. Children are often behaving how parents taught them, and if this behavior was wife's doing, where was father during last few years? Complaining to mommy that his child is not as perfect as he imagined? Wife might as well be mad because he wasn't present to help her with their son and is only seeing his bad behavior while child maybe is only seeking for attention the way he was taught. We don't know her side of the story, so don't be too quick to judge.
We don't know why child was like that, so I wouldn't rush to say dad is great. The boy might be spoiled, but also might be taught badly by parents' example, parents might fight at home, be overly strict, or each of them teach the child different values/behaviours etc. For all we know he might only seek for attention or love, but his father, who might actually be part of the problem, is siding with his mom, when he should apologize to her for his sons' behavior and try to solve the problem with his wife, not his mother (of course they could consider grandma's advice if she provides one, but it's not her job to raise grandchild). Father who is blaming child or wife without single thought that he might also be guilty of his child's behavior, is not a great father.
In my mind, if the woman is watching your kid all summer, and your kid is misbehaving and she punishes him in an appropriate manner, you have no right to be mad. If you want to discipline the kids your way, watch them yourself.
Right on mom-in-law. Best kind of g-ma. Nta. Son of, nta. Wife, did she have super strict parents or what? Potential ta. Nobody really likes brats in the long run except their mom. So brat's mom, learn discipline or except blame for creating the brat.
No the parents of the child are TA they need to either set boundaries with the child are get him evaluated to figure out how to deal with him he’s 8 not 2 he should know how to listen to adult in charge. If he can’t listen grandma is right he can’t go to the pool it’s dangerous.
No. Actions have consequences. Yes, it isn't nice to know your child wasn't liked by other kids HOWEVER it was because he was being rude. This will teach him to be better behaved and more considerate. You can be sad for him but you cannot be mad that there were just consequences
You and your mom are 100% correct. If wife doesn’t like it, she should take care of the kid. The brat attitude will get old quick when you are the one who has to deal with it.
Okay, I agree with the grandmother here, but it's giving me flashbacks to fifth grade in history class where the front had beanbag chairs and cushioned couches, but the back of the classroom was just a normal layout of chairs and tables. We would alternate based on our last names. Anyway, I had an issue with if I got comfortable, I would be sleepy even though I enjoyed history class. And I have been told if I did fall asleep, and this was for everyone in the class, that they would no longer be allowed to sit up front, which is fair. Well, 1 day I fell asleep and when I woke up the class was staring at me, and the teacher informed me that we missed recess because of me. On top of that, I was no longer allowed to sit up front for the rest of the school year, but that entire week was hell, so I'm curious. What are your thoughts on that? And just for info, she didn't even bother waking me up and told all the other students not to either, even though they wouldn't be able to go to recess. To this day, I think she went overboard instead of waking me up and forcing me to go the back of the class, she punished everyone else when that was never said. Cause again, she had issues with me and some other children getting drowsy when we were up front, and there have been kids who fell asleep in the normal desk and chairs, but this felt like being singled out. Before you say: I bet you learned your listen. I was very spiteful after that, and would purpose put my head down.
That situation is very different and imo the teacher was an asshole for that. You can't really control if you fall asleep, and what's the problem if you do? So what you miss recess or loose the privilege to sit up there for a little bit, but causing the whole class to loose that privilege is just mean. In the story, the kid was repeatedly told to stop doing something in his control, he was directly in control of his actions and unlike falling asleep, fooling around and being annoying on purpose cannot really be done on accident. Anyway, that teacher really pisses me off, just think of the kids in abusive situations that are tired from having to protect their siblings or parent from danger at night, or perhaps the lack of food causing them to be tired, they need SUPPORT. not punishment. And it goes beyond just abuse, it can be health issues or mental health struggles that causes them to sleep in class. I had severe sleep apnea when I was in highschool, to the point I'd sleep for 14 hours and wake up exhausted, I would hallucinate due to sleep exhaustion on a standard 8 hours because my brain couldn't rest due to not being able to breathe. I slept in class constantly(not on purpose) and was punished by certain teachers until eventually my parents caught on and defended me.
Yeah your case was bad. She shouldn't have singled you out and punished everyone, but wake you up and let someone else sit there. Same for the other kids. But in this story OP's mother is right, after letting the kid know several times to behave but he didn't it needs some consequenses
W grandma right there. I'll be honest, in this channel and others that are similar, most of the people feel like they need both a slap to the face and a reality check. Better uproot the problems when they are young😊
Actions have to have consequences, and this must be established in youth. Consequences can be authority related and socially related. This too must be established young.
Your wife is your son’s enabler 😔 you need to nip that in the bud while he is young. Respect to the Grandma for teaching your son that actions have consequences
Your mother did the right thing. Kids sometimes learn better when it affects the others in their group. He needs to learn his actions have consequences. If he behaved better because the other kids got mad then good. Mom needs to stop with soft parenting and realize his behavior is really a cry for discipline.
Nah she's right, and so are you for siding with her. He made a choice that he knew would affect other people because he was told, and now he suffers the consequences. It's a good lesson and it'll likely affect him moving forward when it likely continues to come up.
Mom needs to reign it in or she’s gonna be dealing with Jamie in and out of prison. Quit enabling the bad behavior!!! You were right to side with your mom
Here’s the thing, if you don’t teach these kinds of lessons when your children are kids, life will teach them when they are adults and it will more than likely be more painful. I did a study abroad around 10 years ago. There was a guy who wanted to make connections with the group, but he was so abrasive with everything that no one really wanted to be around him. I pitied him, but he never understood and did not change his behavior.
Idk with all the bad MIL issue out there I’d be curious for more info as to the possibility that mom may have just been saying that bc the MIL did the disciplining and there have already been other issues between them.. dad could be hiding a lot of background info too never know with these stories online lol
I would NEVER leave my MiL in charge of 7 kids!!! NEVER!! That's crazy AND irresponsible! I wouldn't leave her solely in charge of her FOUR grandkids! Honestly, my SiL takes advantage of her too much (sil is single mother) so I'd feel horribly guilty taking advantage of her like that! My grandma would only watch me or my sister, not both of us. We would fight a lot. I blame my older sister, she learned how to instigate fights from our mom. I learned a blasé attitude towards things being done the "right way" from our dad.
yeah mom has the right to be angry because it’s never okay to punish other kids for ones behaviour, it’s also never okay to actively make other kids resent another kid
I think this is the one time I actually agree with mil and not the mom. Yeah he's still pretty young but 8 is old enough to know how to correct ur behavior when asked. She told him the consequences if he didn't stop, and he didn't so she followed through. Next time he'll just listen.
Collective punishment is generally outlawed for good reason. She should have taken them all to the pool, but not allowed him to bring a swimsuit or anything, and he would have to sit out and not run around or play the entire time. The longest time out of his life, with what he was missing out on right in front of him. That being said, this seems to have been effective, and you cant change the past, so no point being mad at her. Its not like she physically disciplined him against their wishes or anything - she just revoked a privelege. My only real complaint with the method is that the other kids got punished too. While the "everyone is mad at me" definitely cowed him into behaving the rest of that day, if this becomes a regular thing, he might end up permanently outcast from the group, even during times when he hasnt done anything wrong, which only leads to problems later in life. As a one time punishment, it was fine, but it should not become a habit.
Grandma is spot on ! What mom isn’t taking in consideration is that her sons running around making a nuisance of hisself is that he was going to get someone hurt! A little play around a pool is one thing but this kid was going to keep on. The one doing dumb stuff seems to never get hurt but always hurts someone else! Right on Grandma & dad- mom is so wrong with this. Kid doesn’t like his cousins being mad at him ! Good for them !
Just because your wife chooses not to discipline her child does not mean he doesn’t have to behave himself in other people’s houses. If he is so undisciplined and entitled, your mother has either the right to ensure he follows the rules of her house or refuse to take that boy into her house.
If your wife is mad over a cause and effect punishment that is very well within its boundaries either she needs therapy or you two need to talk about real life consequences for your kids cuz she's probably the one that's been enabling him to be this crazy
He is old enough to know better. When he was finally held accountable for his actions he did not like it at all. No one wants to take a kid somewhere when they don’t listen. Maybe now he will act better
Usually, in these stories, the husband is in the wrong for not siding with his wife. In this case however, the wife clearly isn't doing enough to raise her son to be respectful, so his grandma is.
Almost always you should side with your wife, but in this case...mom was right. You are asking her to babysit, and she needs to handle this situation. She hasnt been inappropriate in any way. As a mom, its hard for us to see our boys get mistreated, but this is not mistreatment. Its proper discipline.
Had to do something similar to my nieces and nephews when they were kids. They had all morning and much of the afternoon to clean their rooms. Two of them just refused, so I took all the others swimming and left them home with my mom. Auntie dont play games.
Seems like the mother is raising a golden child. Mil did the right thing, and the father agrees with mil and also trying to correct behavior. He just has to get it through the mother's thick skull and snip the entitled behavior out sooner than later or thing like that will happen more
You are right. Dads make men by standing firm on lines and mothers are supposed to make gentlemen by teaching kindness and patience. Your wife is doing neither by enabling that behavior.
I agree 💯 with the MIL on this one. If there had been a way to leave the child with the grandpa and take every one else would have been better but 6 kids it’s a lot for a grandparent so this was a good option. Hopefully the kids learns a lesson
One person watching 7 children at once is a lot. Legally, it’s a 1:4 ratio for most daycares. Normally, we wouldn’t want to cancel an event because of one child’s behaviour since it would make the other children feel like they’re being punished for something they didn’t do but for safety Grandma made the right choice. Also, it’s not a pleasant lesson but OP’s son needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions, including alienation from his social group. People don’t want to hang out with someone who causes trouble.
That's proper discipline. It teaches that one's actions will have consequences and see how it impacts people. See, you can teach one how to behave without the use of violence. Also keep an eye out for that wife, she seems to have the "enabler" virus on her. Cheers folks!
That’s good, but as a child who was punished in school for actions that were not mine, I understand why the mother is angry. It feels like shit to be punished for other kid’s actions. She has a right to be upset.
I understand both sides i think it was a great idea so he does learn his lesson but also i probebly would have told the parents what i was i doing before i did it or had taken them to pool in the next few days just so the kids did actually get to go to the pool and it would probably help teach him as he would realized when he behaved he got good things😊❤
Here's the thing with people especially parents of all kinds right, its like this if you arent disciplining your child (or children) someone else with whether that be grandparents, aunts, uncles or even a random stranger if you dont like that im disciplining your child then discipline them yourself like your supposed to do.
100% fair. Sure some kids have pehavioural issues, or are neurodivergent in ways that can be "annoying" or "a lot" but that means the kid needs different parenting, not given full free reign to be a little shit child. If making the kid feel like they ruined the day manages to make the kid actually self-reflect and understand, then so be it!
I think we have found the reason for bad manners and disrespect. Coddling your child does nothing for anyone. It is a natural next step. I think Grandma found a discipline that Jamie will respond to.
Depends on your approach. Like you do not discuss this in front of your kids, nor you take away your wives authority, but you are not mistaken to take sides with your mom. That kid needs to learn why he should behave better. Anyways, you take your wife aside and explain how kids will be ruthless when your kid behaves badly when you are not around, and if he never gets to experience that at home, he wont get to asociate why others are being mean to him. Also make clear that your mom's intention is not to ground him, but to save him bad experiences, so your wife can side with you guys.
NTA. Some kids just think adults are only trying to stop them having fun, that it's just because they are adults and boring control freaks. His mum lets him get away with it so it must be okay. Sometimes it takes other kids letting them know they are an immature, selfish, jerk for the message to sink in. It would not have been safe for the grandparents to take all the kids to the park with him acting the jerk so they didn't take them. Telling his cousins why the promised treat wasn't happening was only fair because his cousins were disappointed, and it was his fault. Mummy needs to teach her darling boy that actions have consequences before she turns him into a complete brat.
I agree with the method, especially at his age. I think mom's upset that someone else decided to discipline her child. Mama bear is going to come out. I understand both of them. Both are right to a degree, but the child needs the adults to regulate him.
I know this is supposed to be teaching the Carol lesson but why make the other kids suffer when you’re in control not the kid just take him home and let the other kids play make him miss out on things that they shouldn’t have to miss out on don’t punish the other kids if only one kid is misbehaving, that’s just gonna teach him that you will not treat everybody fairly and you’ll treat them badly. At least that’s how I see it.
Yes, op and their mother were in the right. The child is 8, that is more than old enough to understand stand that actions have consequences, both good and bad, and that your behaviour will effect how others see you and choose to interact with you.
The OP’s wife sounds like the cause of the issues with the son. He has to learn actions have consequences even if it isn’t fun and people don’t like you. I bet he behaves after that.
You are not wrong. Your son behaved after receiving a consequence. That shows he is capable of behaving. Seems as though your wife may be making excuses and/or babying your son which is enabling his bad behavior.
MIL is in the right, he needs to learn to behave and see the consequences of his actions and how they can affect others💁🏻♀️. He seems spoiled, cause seems to be the wife because she didn’t agree with it.
