My 94 year old mother is now in a Care Home after years of denial, defiance and refusal to engage in any activities outside her own home. Mother now takes part in activities like dominoes, colouring in, cards and small baking sessions. She has absolutely no recollection of participating in these events and when told, is in denial and makes derogatory comments saying she is not a child and why is she doing them. Mother is declining rapidly and sadly, will have no memories of these happier times.
When someone has dementia, it's often helpful to focus on their enjoyment of the present moment rather than building memories. Since she's willing to take part in the activities now, she must be enjoying them at least a little bit. She might still feel sensitive or defensive about her current level of ability, which could explain why she makes those negative comments.
Great ideas but my mom has macular degeneration so most of these would be hard for her to do since she can’t see. She does help with folding laundry. Other ideas for those folks with vision problems would be appreciated.
We've got a related article with suggestions for those with both vision impairments and dementia. See it here - 9 Engaging Activities for Low Vision Seniors with Alzheimer’s or Dementia dailycaring.com/9-activities-for-low-vision-seniors-with-alzheimers-or-dementia/
My 94 year old mother has stage 4 Alzheimers and lives alone. She was diagnosed in 2014 and is now entering stage 5.Mother has abseloutely no interest in anything. She will not join peer community groups because she cannot cope with being in the company of elderly people. Mother has strong anti social tendencies and just about tolerates family visits. She has carers twice a day for small medical issues and meal preparation. Her conversation is limited because she deaf and refuses to wear hearing aids in her home. Even with them in, mother struggles to reply and respond. Mother will not engage in crosswords, puzzles or activities which she is unfamiliar with. She used to p!ay cards but has stopped recently. Mother usually reads the paper all day and sits in her armchair, often falling asleep and being in strong denial when awakened. She wanders from room to room looking for things to do and moving items round. She cannot tolerate change in her limited environment and her " capacity" to self maintain is declining weekly. Adult Social Care Services are now considering a "residential " status be put in place because mother has lost all ability to safely use her oven,hob and microwave. This is mother and our cause for concern.
We're so sorry to hear about this situation. People with dementia may not be aware of their own decline in skills and cognition and that can cause them to resist allowing others to help. It's understandably frustrating for those who care about them, as you do for your mother.
I'm sorry to read about this. But what a specialist once said to us (my mum is on stage 3) was that now it is not the time for them to decide anymore. If she can't live alone and does not like certain things, you should ask yourself: what is more important, her will (declining will, that is) or her safety, security and tranquility? It is us who make the decisions for them. Food for thought.
Mother was finally admitted into a Care Home this August after a fall in June outside her bungalow.She had no recollection of this but we could see that her mobility was becoming increasingly compromised. We called an ambulance and mother , after a long consultation, refused to go into hospital. Two weeks later, after she had seen the doctor and been diagnosed with arthritis, we called the ambulance again due to her deteriorating condition. Mother went to hospital and was found to have fractured a small bone in her spine. Whilst in hospital, she got Covid and was assessed by a Care Home manager. Mother was deemed to be incapable of looking after herself and a Care Home admitted her , 3 weeks later. She died in December 2022 after a short illness surrounded by myself and siblings.
My go to resource - So necessary for all care workers especially at a management level as they don't generally have a great foundation of understanding intricacies of senior lifestyle and activities
Another good one is short jokes to read. They can read they to you and laugh and laugh and then reread it all over again and find it just as funny. Dementia residne readst: what did the man do that farts (laughs at saying this word) in church? Sits in his own pew. (Laughs a joke). After you laugh along to, they read another one or reread that one and laugh all over again. ;-)
Everyone has different preferences so it can take some creativity and experimenting to find activities they enjoy. These suggestions can be used as a starting point to spark new ideas based on what you know your mother-in-law likes.
All she says is yes she do what I ask her then keeps asking why and what for constantly I answer because I need her help she just gives up not interested with anything and she just wants to argue it out
