It is incredible how they get into your mind, possess you, so you are not able to notice anything else but them. After discard, you are like a newborn baby - helpless but full of potential.
Before I became awakened, I fell miserably with her Love Bombing! The damage extended for 50 years now, but past 10 years, I am finding my way out....still don't feel it too late !!
mine discarded me after 7 years. Rebounded after 2 weeks(probably he was in the picture long before). But reading the comments here, I am happy that I didn't marry her. I beat myself up for that, for months. But now I realize, it wouldn't have changed nothing. The communication problems, the lack of empathy and the devaluing... I dodged a bullet, but the trauma bond is strong
Mines a similar story, discarded after 9 years, she was in a relationship before I was dropped, he moved in 4 weeks later, they bought a house together and were married inside of a year. All she banged on about was having/wanting a child with me but I wouldn't because of her cheating & lying, I used to send her txt's when we were together, just repeating her words...i want, I want, I want. its unbelievable what 'Love' can blind you to. Its been a long tough journey to come to terms with, now 3 years on. I recently blocked her number because she keeps trying to contact me with pics & the odd txt, I didn't want to do it but you have to, for your own sanity! People ask, does 'Kharma' really get them??...well the guy she's married, cannot have children, so he's on a short stay, she even had the nerve to ask me for a 'Reference' so she could be able to 'Foster'....no chance!!!.....shouldn't be allowed anywhere near Kids!! good luck with your recovery>
I was in a similar situation but after 8 years her mask came off and made my life a living hell. I dodged a bullet too. She convinced me I was perfect for her and I was going to marry her. A year after she left I'm starting to really know why I had the gut feeling about her. Unfortunately I ignored it. I have a friend that was formerly a private investigator that showed me how I can find out things she was up to. I was shocked! My eyes were open to so much. The lying, cheating stealing, devaluing and after it ended, the smear campaign was viscous against me. I also can't thank Lise Leblanc enough for sharing all these videos that really educated me as to what I had been dealing with. Before that I had really no idea what a female covert narcissist was. Stay strong, stay no contact and work on improving yourself. I wish you the best!
Mine rebound a month after our 8yr relationship and said she hasn't liked someone so much since her ex before me but she wants us to be friends moving forward....I started therapy and have been no contact.
Best one yet. Two years out, I stopped watching narc videos a year ago but come back sometimes for a reminder, and this was so spot on. Thank you for the healthy reminder
10 Key Lessons After Being Discarded by A Narcissist 1-the narc's love was transactional and conditional 2-their lies and deceptions distorted reality 3-you are easy to replace 4-you'll learn about narcissism 5-narcissists don't change (limited capacity of change because structural and brain differences, deeply engrained personality traits, lack of empathy, resistance to acknowledging and addressing flaws in meaningful and sustained ways) 6-they will mess with your mind 7-you'll be subjected to a lot of gaslighting 8-you'll learn a lot about yourself 9-you'll do a lot of research about narcissism 10-you'll learn the importance of strong boundaries in my lived experience with narcs, i look at: 1-do they get upset if i treat the EXACTLY the same way they treat me 2-how they react when i challenge them with a criticism, or not going along with what they want 3-how they take accountability for their actions 4-how they deal with conflict 5-jealousy/envy - are they happy when you or others are happy/achieving success cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Exactly correct. You can observe a pattern difference between how a normal person behaves and how a narc behaves. At the very sight of conflict, a narc just runs away. They can't handle criticism. They never take accountability. If you treat them the same way they treat you, they will never talk to you again and ignore you. They can't stand others being happy or successful. They don't know to appreciate other people. It's just I Me Myself. They lack empathy but survive by learning to act empathetic by looking at how people react with empathy. They have a confused expression when you grieve a person's death and when you express how sorry you are for the family. They can mess up with your head big time. If you see these signs, just run. Some narcs also cast love spells to control their supplies. Demons I should say.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Was recently struggling with being discarded and replaced so quickly until I started watching these videos. My covert Narc was my wife. These videos are spot on. I’m still uncovering her deceit.
I just deleted all of our photos and was reminded of all of the good times. I was really sad and started crying and missing her a lot, so I came to your channel to watch a video since that worked so well last time and once again every point you made was my relationship exactly. This was what I needed to be stronger. Thank you again.
I just ended things with the narc i was dating a few days ago. He tried to triangulate me with another woman, and when I wasn’t having it, he caused a fight, gave me the silent treatment and when i wouldn’t capitulate, he blocked me, and then used that as an excuse to talk to the other woman. Now, this isn’t about hating the other woman, but in my opinion she had so little to offer compared to what I did and all we had built together. But that’s when I realized how easy it is to be replaced - he didn’t care about the things that made me unique, how much I loved him, or that I would have moved heaven and earth for him. He just needed another woman with a pulse to be supply, that was it.
I like your point about " coming to terms with your own negative traits after a narcissist relationship". These people can bring out the worst in you through constant stress that they put on you.
1. Love was conditional (it was fake) 2. You discover their Lies, deceptions, manipulations. 3. You will be replaced quickly. 4. You probably didn't understand narcissism before this relationship. 5. Narcissist don't change. Personality traits, lack of empathy 6. They will mess with your mind long after the relationship is over of you let them. Don't follow them. 7. You were gas lit. Invalidated, not recognized, you value was not recognized. 8. You will learn about yourself and your dark side. Deep introspection and self worth issues. 9. You will do a ton of research about Narcissism 10. Learn the need to have strong boundries to protect your self. Decide what you will do if boundries are not respected. Don't accept love bombing. Yes yes yes. All the above. Lise just read my mind knows my story and what I've been through without ever meeting or talking to me.
Thanks you, Lise. Mine was BPD but jeez she was harsh on me, no wait, horrendous to me when I think about it. I had to leave her, she moved on fast! She was randomly abusive then randomly idealising me. Crazy making. I had to do deep work.
I recently experienced the final discard from an undiagnosed BPD(the opinion of my therapist) we’re gone through several break ups that she would initiate over seemingly small in fractions the way I would look at her, I’m not giving her enough attention. With this one on Saturday, she’s telling me how amazing I am and she’s telling over friends about how she wants a future with me and grow old with me….. Sunday she tells me that I’m not giving her what she needs and once and she can’t see a future with me. Monday she says she never wants to see me again that she doesn’t know if she ever really loved me and that she wants to be alone… the roller coaster is impossible to predict or deal with when you’re on the receiving end
@@dave8396 Even in a relationship with someone without any personality disorder, there's always the risk of being "discarded". Which only makes things more confusing...
I've been two months no contact and she's been smear campaigning me since then. I haven't responded to any of it (since I legitimately have no idea what's being said). But, I guess she started pulling more people into it and they're rejecting her narratives. Hopefully, this will sort itself out. I wasn't a great lover but, I was kind and caring. Either way, here's to tomorrow. Keep your chins up, homies.
One I suspect had covert BPD said, « I’ve done favors for you ». Yes. She was a pathological liar and extremely manipulative. It’s dangerous and scary.
That is such a key point Number 8 , about being confronted with our Shadow. The impulse to insult , to denigrate, to level the score, can make us feel ( because WE have conscience and can be self critical ) that we are '' just as bad '' as the narcissist.
Thank you so so much for speaking up for us men!! My partner is a venerable narcissist - she is definitely an avoidant but the way she stone walls, silent treatment, defensiveness w anger, the Lieing and the that has really hurt me the most is ' Future Faking' - The Future Faking is hard to process and come to terms w those lies she has told!!!
Once again you nailed it: I literally see my past relationship sail before my eyes. It is good to be reminded of the manipulations we've been subjected to and how our deepest love has been used to one's own benefits. The road is still long. Thanks again for the support.
I remember not long after we got together I realised I had this anxiety about her, I should have given myself space but it wasn't possible. She also Sat me down and explained ro me that I was a defensive person and needed to work on not being so our relationship could work. At the time it was news to me but I trusted her. I now know this was one of the first deflecting moves she used on me. It was a confession cos she was ultra defensive and unable to be wrong, far too fragile to admit fault.
The first argument my ex and I had was a huge red flag I completely ignored. The fight just came out of nowhere. I was so confused and the look in her eyes was just... different. I remember thinking to myself that she was volitile but I just ignored it thinking everyone is a little fucked up. What a collosal mistake.
@northernsoul13 absolutely same for me, I even remember what it was about!! I bought the wrong tiger loaf!?? Her disappointment didn't make sense! I should have said "fuck this" and left. Mind blowing.
Same for me! She was having an anxiety breakdown, withdrawing, depressed, in bed. I ran to her rescue, went out and bought her a "self help book" on overcoming these issues. She exploded into an argument, screaming "that i brought her what I THOUGHT SHE NEEDED, RATHER THAN WHAT SHE REALLY NEEDED, which was just to be held and stroked. And that i wasted time going out to find that book rather than giving her what she needed..." W... T... F... That trauma bond took a long time to break. Now, 10 years in my rear view Mirror.... Thank God.
No one gets to stay young and attractive forever. We all make our own beds and will have to eventually sleep in them. So I have no worries. Karma doesn't discriminate.
Dude. You completely don't get it. NPD = narcissistic PERSONALITY DISORDER. There's no cure. No meds. No point where Karma, Age, reality will magically change the person. I have an aunt who just turned 75. Woman tries to act like she's still 19. Not only does it cause riff within our family but it's also caused significant tension with her partner whose tried counseling whose sought church intervention, literally everything. She's broken up with him about 50x over the course of 10yrs.
You seem very authentic. No facade. And your voice, delivery and pacing. Are soothing. I enjoy your videos. Thank you for making content that is both informative and healing.
Once again, every single point is absolutely spot on. It seems we all go through similar experiences when dealing with marcissistic people. Thank you for everything you do.
1. Their love was conditional on what you could provide for them. 2. You will learn about their lies and deception. 3. You are easy to replace. 4. You’ll learn about narcissism. 5. They don’t change. 6. They will mess with your mind if you allow them to. 7. You will be gaslighted. 8. You will learn about yourself. 9. You will learn a lot about how you were manipulated. 10. You’ll learn that you need boundaries.
My narc sister has been poking me for weeks. She's been trying to get a reaction out of me, but I'm keeping my boundaries as tight as possible. Her ex husband finally got away, and I'm so happy for him. She put him through the ringer. Thank you for your invaluable knowledge!! ❤
I have just finished a 3 month stint with a narc and if it wasn't for days off to get away and clear my head and do some research I'd still be in it. I was in the middle of discard so I'm glad I found all this out . I don't ever want to see or talk to her again .
Absolutely spot on. One of the best videos on this sick subject I've seen. And I've seen hours upon hours of these videos. I've subscribed to numerous channels. I swapped my addiction to my ex for this sick disease. Everything you have said in the order you delivered is my experience. For those who are still unsure and recently discarded. Yes, it's wrong to diagnose, but it's what they do after discard that really let's you know. DARVO is one of their most spiteful tools. You may think it's finally over, but just keep your wits about you. Great video, thank you 👌🏻💙
I was accused of being a narcissist.. I came To these videos only to find out she is 1000% the narcissist, the videos are helping me but the trauma bond is so strong ..
I'm so glad I found your channel 18 months ago. Your videos gave me the "aha moment" I needed exactly when I needed it. Your channel along with 1 on 1 therapy, group therapy, many hours of videos, podcasts and audio books plus a lot of reading have helped me get farther down the path of healing than I otherwise would be and in all likelihood, your videos saved my life. I can't thank you enough.
Thank you So Very Much For Sharing This Helped Me Tremendously After Spending Yrs Wanting Acceptance From the Narcissit. I'm Finally Learning To Detach This Really Helped Me
Thank you for your video's! She was just absolutely awful especially towards the end.. I can't believe I allowed myself to tolerate her bad treatment towards me..I found your video's while I was researching my experience.. I appreciate your knowledge on this subject..
On point as always. 9 months later and things still kick me in the gut. It takes time to come to terms with the fact that it was all a lie - well the good parts, if they can even be called that - because nothing was genuine.
Change impossible. 10 yrs with diagnosed borderline, me believing change was possible led to much unneeded suffering. Now I know. Miserable people, selfish to core, yet they hate themselves and take it out on you.
OMG! Thank you! Where were you (I heard 25 years) 26 years ago when my experience started? The men have been ignored and you speak to them, and me. Thank you. You routinely bring validation. The road still leads on....
Thank you. Your videos have been very helpful in my current phase. I just found out a week earlier that she is already back with her ex and also found she might have gotten back with her ex the next day after the breakup.
My marriage to female covert narcissist just ended. I’m a man. I feel totally lost, confused, much shame, inferior, incredibly sad, misunderstood, I used to have interests, friends, activities. I ended up isolated and alone and lost.
Funny how it comes in all shapes and forms....18yr happy ....then bosh! ......14yr of WTF! ....free now ...thanks for info and understanding of this trap ❤
Towards the end of the 11 year relationship, intimacy became blatantly transactional. Mere moments after intimacy, she told me to check her Amz wishlist. It felt fake, and cheap, and icky. I was disgusted.
Five years ago, my narcissistic friend traumabonded me in order to make me become his brother in law. He traumabonded me with the help of mesmerism. Final discard took place one year ago. And after the happening of that(final discard), I have learnt a lot about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
I haven't even been dating but I have been talking to others who are.. A lot of the lessons that you said in this video apply to people in general.. I will try to take what I like and leave the rest..
Thank you! You could think about changing out "love bombing" to "love leveraging" .. Could be a better fit and help ppl get unstuck sooner. (Credit to R. Grannon) Much love
Very Spot on, How to move on from Narcissist? Any relationship after is not as exciting as with her. She feels like a forbidden fruit. How to get rid of this thought addiction? Please help.
My narcissist ex of 5 years decided to tell me she hadnt loved me for 2 years and had been using me and when i called her out on her narcissism, decided to take me to court.
Same i got discarded after 6 years and after putting thousands of hours and dollars in renovations into a house we bought. She went and got an appraisal that way over valued the house, i got my own and still had to pay her out 70k. Never thought she’d do that to me in a million years.
@@thatdudecaSadly as they say, the woman that divorced you isn't the same woman you married. That's probably the only true explanation for how vicious some become on the way out of the marriage. Just my 2cents!
@@histreasure3189although most aint willing to actually get trapped by the legal responsibilities of marriage -- not that they would tell you that while there is most manipulation to be gained .. then they act like their interest in pursuing you for marriage was just bullsh*t just like them having any loyalty commitment or compassion
Thank you Lise for the video and for the hints for further life, the hints that I 100% agree, but anyway it is good to hear that, to be conscious about them and to be ready and able to apply them in the life. Thanks a lot!!
You seem to have so much insight. I.e., don’t really know if the lady I’ve been going out with.. I thought more than friends with …could be called NPD. However, after four years of on/ off, been blocked, unblocked, et cetera, et cetera as you described, I have always come back happily, but to my surprise, something was said to me about my character That caused me to switch off and all you say about the introspection and the research is all true, just as you describe.
I thought that my X was genuine until she left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. "Down with love" It's been 6 months. She hasn't hovered me yet. I don't think she will return because she has exposed herself to me.
When she wasn't able to control me anymore she began the discard phase. I've been studying narcissism now for almost 7 years because I didn't understand how a human being could be so evil
just received an email notice of separation from my narc husband of 26 years today. 3 kids still at home and I have been toughing it out as I have learned about narcissism over the past 5 years and now can't unsee it. But trying to get through the project of raising our kids to college age despite the difficulty. His reason for the separation notice out of the blue? We had an argument yesterday in which he went off on our oldest son for very little reason and it lasted hours.. door slamming, shouting, swearing, the works (husband doing all that not the son ofc). Now says it's my fault he got so worked up because I didn't support him against our son. THis has been a constant refrain.. if I don't support him in bullying our kids (esp the scapegoat), then all hell breaks loose. I didn't and don't support him in that so - discard I guess. Feels strange and like a surreal waste of 26 years minus the 3 beautiful kids. Oh and this video brought his comment today to focus: what value do i get in staying married to you? (Because i am a sahm so clearly it's all about the money now that youth has gone and the work of kids is finishing up). Transactional and conditional indeed. Just hard to process all at once.
My BPD wife discarded everyone in her life when she ended hers. One final dagger to the heart of everyone that just tried to love her in all her difficulty. She could not cope with the idea that a lot of the pain and suffering in our family was brought on by her. I don't know how she couldn't see it for so long. Delusion is a powerful thing, I suppose. Will I ever be able to trust someone again? Dunno. I'm not giving up on it just yet though.
Question, all these signs are very familiar to me , spot on, but the weird thing is , she claims I do all these things, are they really that good to confuse the hell out you , to not know what is up or down. I've been with this woman 45 years and now see someone I don't recognize. I'm still obsessed with research on narcissist because she still has me confused after being separated 3 years, in the divorce process now. Thanks so much for video
More than fifty years experience! Most often after years or decades with no contact. I was a slow learner. My wife of fifty + years and our marriage still suffers from this. My wife is an angel.
My god, this is 100% accurate. Sad that we appear like lambs to the slaughter for these people. 4.5 years for me down the toilet. I’m ashamed of myself for being scammed. My only saving grace is that in the final year I gave her her own medicine and reached into myself to fight back with my own inner narc qualities. I learned the art of NO and I hinted I was about to walk away and that made her dump me The laughable part was that she said the reason she was dumping me was we argue to much and it’s unhealthy. No shit Sherlock 😅
Discarded after 2 years and a house we bought together. She had someone else lined up before she broke off the engagement. Married him 3 months after i moved out. Super benign narcissist, though...so even more confusing.
I don’t know Narcissists made “Love Bombing” a bad thing. It used to just be very sweet. I mean, if you wanna fuel the flames of Love, why not? Sooner or later you have to trust someone and be vulnerable for Love. Bottom line is, when you know it’s unhealthy by what they do Later, jump ship. Never accept it when your ideals and boundaries are consistently being attacked.
