I learned that there will come a time where everybody will be sick of seeing you sad or hearing about your sad/bad days......you must walk this journey alone. Its YOUR better half thats gone....❤💔❤ For me prayer and my best friend have pulled me through❤
Yes, my children have experienced this too from their friends. That's when you know you are doing this on your own...when the world starts moving again and we get left behind!
I have learned that you are alone grieving. I learned that there should be a will, thank God my husband left a will, although he made it long time ago but a will is a will. It's easier to transition life. But now, I worried, that when the dust of life settled down I get anxiety coz, I need to figure out the income and to figure out whether I need to go back to work or not. It could be a daunting situation.
What I didn't realize when my husband died of a heart attack, is how MUCH I was going to have to toughen up to survive in this world without him. I expected others to be there for me, instead they acted "uncomfortable " talking about it. I was shocked after him only being gone not quite a month my neighbor came over and was telling me "now I can start a new chapter in my life". Even my doctor was not sympathetic and acted annoyed when I told her I was having anxiety & trouble sleeping since his death. I felt like there was no where to turn. I felt angry inside at people and I started isolating myself from them. It was a Big wake up call of how cold & cruel and insensitive people can be.
My husband of 44 years also died suddenly a couple of month ago in my arms I still cant believe today I just think he is away ! I dont have family so I though his family was mine and we did a lot for them after he died I called they came took care about everything but I never had a call or saw them anymore just a couple of days ago I knew they got upset because we didnt offer to feed them as they culture says I'm not from here u know me for 44 years i was more then your mother i took from my mouth to give to u all i could be rich but i always agree to help u all today that's how u pay i dont want to see any any more in my life thank God i have 2 good daughters and a more or less good retirement money and lots of animals trying not to be lonely thank God I think he knew his family that's why he always put everything in our names have to be strong and learn how to go on in life
I experienced this same thing. My husband died from cardiac arrest. One minute he was here the next he was gone. I still cant believe it. He died Nov 2021 and I still can't believe it. I keep thinking I must be in a coma and dreaming all this. And I will wake up in minute and everything will be the way it was. I just keep praying I will wake up and none of this will be real.
After my husband died I realized how wonderful it is, and how much I appreciate it, when someone mentions him to me. So many people are afraid to even say his name that, in a way, it is as though he never lived--that part of my life never happened. I love to be reminded of him and that he was important and known and appreciated by others.
I agree, we need to mention our lost loves and others do too! I think people might be afraid they will remind us of the loss (as if we forget?) or they might make us cry, and then they don't know how to handle it. We need to normalize grief. #widfam
Im so there with you. I thank people when they say my husband's name or share a story about him. Its very comforting to know that other people want to remember him too and it gives u a beautiful gift of "permission" to talk about him ... which is such a rare opportunity. I feel like smiling with you x
So true! I love it when people share their memories of my husband. It would have meant so much if, at the church service, people would have written down a special memory of my husband and then put their written memories inside of a box for me to read and cherish.
Exactly- sometimes I feel like, it was just a dream that I was once married ( 25 yrs) I love it when people talk about him- I always try to- I want him to always be remembered.
Absolutely! My grandson is 3, he brings up my husband has passed away that he is gone, each visit. We hug and smile. It feels great he remembers him with me.
i lost my wife 4 years ago on her birthday, she was knocked over by a moving vehicle on her way back from the mall on her birthday. I have a son and he is 13 years old
I learned that it’s not the “big” things you will miss as much as the million little things that you did everyday that you didn’t realize you did until there was no one to share them with. I have been widowed two years now.
This is so true. I lost my husband of 30 plus years 3weeks ago, and every day I realize all the many, many, little things that we did. I miss those things so much! I forced myself to go to the grocery store several days ago, and I could hardly finish shopping. It seemed surreal. Now I buy for one person, not two. That impacted me in a way that I didn't expect and I shopped in tears. I live a whole new way of life now without my Sweetie, it's my "new normal," - (I hate those words!) and most days, I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. It's hard to get out of bed every morning and face another long day and night without my Sweetie. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I feel terrible even saying that, because my children and friends have been a Godsend and have gotten me through this far, but there is no more joy for me. Every day, I ask God "Why?!" It hurts sooooo much and I don't know what to do. I just want my Sweetie back!!! 😭😭😭😭😭
I hated the phrase "new normal" too, but I think it was because I was resisting it. I still don't love it, but I have accepted the fact that this life actually IS becoming my new normal, whether I like it or not. And for me to process through my grief, I would need to realize this and try to make the best of it. I am so sad when I read bout fellow wids struggling just to get through day-to-day life! I want to say that perhaps you could think of a way that you could be a blessing to others, even if you aren't seeing the joy in life for yourself. I asked God why he took my husband at such a young age too...but I realized that I would never get an answer on this side of Heaven. I know you are hurting, and nothing anyone can say will make that hurt go away, so I won't even pretend to try. But I would like to offer encouragement for you to think of one way you could make someone else smile this week, even if you can't bring yourself to smile. If you would accept that challenge, please update me and let me know how it went. God bless you and I'll be praying for you today! #widfam
My husband died this morning. It hasn't even been a full day. We were married almost 51 years & I don't know how I'm going to get through this without my best friend. I appreciate your thoughts on this and will be following along.
I am so sorry! When my husband passed away 7 years ago my sister gave me a sign that said YOUR WINGS WERE READY BUT MY HEART WAS NOT! It is so fitting. Just take one day at a time.
Just hold on Bettie. No matter what, just hold on. You'll walk this road inch by inch. Some days we walk and sometimes we crawl. I'm so sorry you lost him and that you are experiencing that kind of pain.
Lost my husband to cancer. It’s hard to explain to someone that your grieving the months while he’s dying and then have to grieve again after they physically pass. Working through both stages are hard. ♥️
Anticipatory grief, I had to learn about it after the fact because I had know idea that's what I was doing. That's why my actual grief upon his death was less than what I expected...I thought something was wrong with me that I wasn't grieving the right way!
Theres nothing "wrong" with feeling that way,... its actually wonderful to actuallly "see" some other people that honestly "loved" their mate in a way that is completely "loyal" years beyond the death. You dont get to see it much these days,.. sadly, Ive been 100% alone since 5/1999. No children, no roommates, No relationships really, ( tried 2ce,but moone could come close to a blessed relationship, so, i decided, why try... i can still see him in my mind and even smell his wonderful scent, anytime i want, ( noone can steal that kind of beautiful real love) just wanted tp say, be proud of your loyal love, its very rare, and honorable. 💝
In a good marriage 2 people are like 2 trees growing side by side and your roots naturally become entangled together deep down. When one tree is uprooted it leaves the tree left behind in a weakened condition. It’s not so much the loneliness that is difficult but the feeling of being alone without a partner by your side through thick and thin. I live with mental illness. My husband was my gatekeeper. He sheltered me when I was suffering and made me feel protected. He fed me positive thoughts about myself when I hated myself. His reassurance was everything. I don’t know how I’ve survived over 7 years without him. To me the world feels like a chicken yard where if a chicken has a blemish the other chickens will peck at the blemish until they peck him to death. I have lots of blemishes. So I live isolated and alone to avoid all the peckers. But I have my memories of the days he would tuck me under his chin and hold me and tell me I was made perfect just for him.
I feel the same. And no one believes my husband was as good as he was. They think I idealize him, so I quit talking about him for the most part. It's sad. There's a part of me now that doesn't open up to the criticism of others.
Thank you for this site. Women just need to TALK w one another, not professional therapy. Just understanding and listening. A standing along side, an intended hug. Thank you again
I feel like this… I don’t know how I am going to do this life without him…. We were married 23 beautiful years. 2 kids. We’re devastated.its been 3 months
Than you for popping up on my youtube! I'm grieving 2 months now; it's getting worse not easier. I lost my significant other to an aggressive brain cancer. We received the news on christmas eve the cancer spread across his brain and treatments ended. I can relate to EVERYTHING you said; it's good to know I'm not crazy. God Bless all Widows ❤
Linda, you are in our prayers today...I know what kind of struggle it is this early in the grieving process! And my husband (fellow widower) is marking the 2nd year milestone of his late wife's death today, so we go through the process x2 in our house. Reach out if you ever need to, and join our FB page if you haven't already, just search One Happy Widow. #widfam
I remember wishing I could find someone to miss him with me. I still don’t understand why, but his siblings immediately started to distance themselves from me. I could sense that so I didn’t pursue after them. His parents were already gone and the rest of the family had “the stiff upper lip” mindset. His friends had their own lives. I remember just wanting SOMEONE to miss him with me because that would have been such a comfort.
I am so sad to read this as my late husband’s family and I are as close as we were before his death., his sister and I grieve together. It must be difficult for you.
@@OneHappyWidow Family dynamics are changing for us as well now. My husband is 83, one of his sisters has passed and the other is in a nursing home. My husband's long-time friends are gradually casting themselves adrift because of the inevitability of my husband's passing. His sister remaining in a nursing home doesn't want anything to do with us, nor does our sister-in-law and nephew (the wife and son of my husband's deceased brother). All very strange seeing that we used to get along so well.
I am sorry to hear that your late spouse family distanced themselves from you, I don't think we can always count on family which is sad to say. My sister which I was close with doesn't have the patience for me to allow me the grace that I need to cry around her so I just don't hang out with her. My work has been a good environment though I hope that you find a friend or colleague that can empathize and sympathize with you in your grief journey. Don't forget God is always there to listen also.
Of the six replies above this one, it seems they are split 50/50, so I'm guessing it's more common than you think that this happens. My own experience was mixed. While distance separated me from his family, I did find someone who could miss him with me. Hope you can find someone too.
My husband passed away last August, we we're married 40 yrs, have 1 daughter. I feel better knowing someone is also feeling the same way. What you said about having people arou d you at first, then you stop getting calls and visits really resonates with me. He loved our cat and she still lays on his side of the bed. I am slowly getting a little better, but miss him terribly. Please accept my sympathy for your loss.
I am an ex-wife widow. He died about 18 months ago. We had been divorced 15 years but married 29 years. My intense feeling of loss was shocking to me!! Our children removed themselves to grieve alone and that REALLY hurt. I was grieving too but without them, the family we created. He was in my thoughts a lot. I have dreamt more about him in the past 18 months than I ever have. He had moved to another state and I didn’t know he was sick. So much I would’ve loved to talk to him about ...that never happened. Even ex’s grieve.
I'm sorry for your loss...being divorced probably makes the grief more complicated, especially to others who might not understand. Just because we divorce someone doesn't mean we want them dead...and we still want our kids to have their dad! I was married years ago, for a short time, and he is the father to my oldest child. After we divorced, he ended up getting cancer at age 41. He survived it, but I can remember still being upset and worried for both him and my daughter, because although I didn't want to be married to him, I never wanted him to die! I remember thinking if I had stayed married to him, I could have been widowed. Ironically, my second husband also develop cancer at age 41...but this one died from it, and I was still married to him. Its so weird how life throws us for a loop! Grieve however you need to, you still lost a person that was a part of your life, and you are still allowed to grieve that loss! Maybe your kids stay away because they aren't sure how you are feeling about it. Maybe you can talk to them about how you feel? Prayers sent to you! #WIDFAM
Oh my. I I was meant to read this. I was married 8 years to my former husband. We just divorced last October but we stayed very close. In December he got sick and passed away in January of double pneumonia and covid. People do not understand that yes you can grieve the death of your former spouse and grieve hard. I miss him daily aha the memories are so strong. Also the father of my children and I were married over 20 years and we've been divorced for 23 years. He left 23 years ago for his mistress but I have forgiven him. He is now sick with cancer and it breaks my heart. If he passes away I will grieve terribly again. I've heard of something called "grief shaming." I think it is where people make you feel ashamed because you are grieving someone you are divorced from. I was greif shamed by a few for my second husband. They just didn't understand. I was already hurting deeply.
I, too, am an “ex-wife widow.” We were only married five years but we had two children so we had that connection for many years after the divorce. He was only 58 years old and, like you, I was shocked at how devastated I was. It was actually kind of odd because my ex-husband was a real jerk. I think when you have children with somebody you are always connected at a very profound level. Even years later when they die it is devastating.
My first husband divorced me after 14 years of marriage - then, he died a few years later...I was told by my children not to come to the funeral or graveside service, they didn't need or want me there. I had remarried 4.5 years after the divorce but felt that it was betraying my new husband if I openly mourned...now I am mourning for both my husbands. Thank you for sharing about your grief. It lets me know it's OK for me to grieve my first as well as my second marriage. God bless!
Yes, people talk about how they admire our strength...as if we had a choice? I just get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. And in the process, realized I was stronger than I had ever imagined myself to be!
Yes, after I lost my husband suddenly last summer I heard that alot....you are so strong. I didn't have a choice you just survive and go on. Sometimes especially now things are calming down it sorta feels like the movie Groundhog Day , its always the same wake up, go to bed, over n over!
@@mrs.z4370 Yes I get that. Covid hasn't helped because I can't even see my closest family like I'd want too. The world has become a survival zone and my house feels like a prison where all the days are the same.
@@mrs.z4370 I know the feeling. My husband passed away almost 4 years ago. I know it seems like a million years away, but eventually you will start having more good days than sad ones. I don't know if that deep down sadness goes away, but it will eventually be better than it is now. Hugs to you
I had a widow’s brain.I couldn’t remember things ,I had a hard time recalling names from the past.I would be talking and the word I wanted to use would not come to mind. The harder I pressed my brain the worst it would become.I would be writing and unable to spell a simple word.A couple of hours later it would come right to mind.I was fearful that my mind would stay that way.I had a hard time with decisions,and then I didn’t care where or not I even made any . Even now five years later my time gets away from me.I still have sad days,some longer than others.I want everything around me to be in order,then I I go to organize something and the next thing I know I made a mess,and become overwhelmed with the task and it takes me several days to fix it.Maybe the next day I will be like I don’t care if it gets done or not.I always wind -up getting it reorganized, but who knows when.When the notion hits me. Life changing is saying the least.I don’t recognize my life anymore.Some night I am up to the wee hours of the morning and other nights I sleep and get up at the crack of dawn.There seems to be no rime or reason to what the outcome will be for a given day or week.I miss him everyday.I try to stay busy,I love being outside so now that the weather is getting warmer I look forward to the day so I can dig in the dirt,and try to assist something to grow. I have two sons they call me everyday and I love them .I don’t want to burden them.I say I am fine.I don’t want them to worry over me. I just feel lost most of the time.My life as I knew it ,is lost forever here on this side of eternity.My prayers for everyone that has lost someone they loved especially their spouse or child.
You are so lucky that your sons keep tabs on you! And I suffered from Widow's Brain a lot especially in the 2nd year! It is still there, but not as bad. I truly thought I was getting dementia or alzheimers!
A lot like myself. Especially the sleepless nights. I’m on my 4th yr and I’m starting to accept my fate. Being alone with my dogs isn’t too bad afterall. I do have a grown daughter that visits and I still have a young teen boy to raise, but he’s at school most of the time. I spend a lot of time alone. I used to want to find another partner but as time has moved on and my relationship with God got closer, I have realized I’m fine being alone. I find myself missing my husband, especially during football season, he loved College football on Saturdays and he’d get so excited to makeh his big pot of Chilie and corn bread. I really really miss those times. Other times I’m mad at him, at other memories that arise as I still live in the same house, but it is what is and nothing can change that. I feel that I’m lacking in parenting my son, and that’s why I get mad and ask, why did you leave me alone with our son. As a mom, I see how much a boy needs their father, it’s actually heartbreaking to see my son practically raising himself. I’m always here, but sometimes I’m mostly here physically for my son, mentally I’m checked out. I wish I could give him a father but he knows God is his father forever more. Anyway, that’s my story.
Even tho it's been 26 years since my husband died I can still relate to nearly everything you said. I've offered support to other new widows and it feels like we are in a secret club that others don't know until they have experienced it. I learned how strong I am now and also how pampered I was when married. After all these years there are moments I just melt down and cry missing him, even tho I have made a new life for myself. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
I have been a widow for 6 years after being married for 51 years. It took me awhile to realize I was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder the first two years, based on watching my husband suffer from cancer. I began accepting my situation after I healed from the trauma of watching him die. Thank you for your wise words.
I’ve been a widow for almost 9 years and l remember how all your late spouse’s friends stop calling you to see how you’re doing. I think they’re afraid you’re going to ask them for something or do something for you.
@@cherilewis2899 I had very close friends with my husband. The husband of the friend always gave me a hug hello and goodbye. After my husband passed I went for a visit. The husband gave me my usual hug, then the wife said very stern,y ‘hey he is my husband’, nothing was the same after that. I don’t see them now.
@@judithhogan453 How sad! I always felt the women thought the death of a husband was something they could catch from me, like it was contagious. They withdrew, no one called, or answered my calls. It was a very lonely and hard time. BUT, you do find out who your true friends are! Hugs and prayers for you.
I lost my husband on January 3rd of 2024....along with all the pointers you mentioned, I'm feeling anger. I'm mad at God for doing this to me 😢I lost my parents, and now my husband. Never had kids, have no brothers and sisters....now I'm just here alone with no purpose.
I have made some videos about the anger as well. It is normal to feel this anger, especially in early grief. You will go through many phases over time. Praying for you #widfam
My husband of 50 years died January 8,2024…. I am so grateful for feeding the birds ,the critters around the house and I am happiest working to help our pets. When I take a break I think too much. This is hard to know I am a widow now. One hour at a time. 🙏🏻
@@OneHappyWidow Thank you. I lost my mom 9 days before my husband died. It was all too much to bear. I am retired. My neighbors all speak Spanish. And my friends, well I don't have any. My children have been and are here for me. However, they are not coping very well either.
I lost my husband 5 yrs ago. He was 61 yrs old. I still miss him, but God truly is my anchor & strength. I pray daily, read scripture. I need a purpose in life, so I regularly visit nursing home residents, stay involved with my 2 daughters, 2 grandsons & 1 grandchildren. I stay faithful to church attendance. I get out visit friends, shop (of course). Talk on phone with my sisters. I realize God is in control of my steps , i accept that & try to be thankful for it all. Yes, I still have a lonley day- but I dont allow it to control me. God is good❤
Ovarian cancer stage 3-C took my honey after battling the disease for 5 years and 20 days. We would have celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary a week ago. My new angel was an amazing mother, spouse, and friend to many. I celebrate her life knowing how blessed i have been. No matter how bad she felt during those 100+ chemo treatments, she was always so positive, often saying "it will be ok". I live by her words. God bless all widows and widowers.
It’s a club you never wanted to join. Married 23 years and it is going on 7 since he went home. Alone now but not lonely. Enjoying each day knowing how precious life is. Truly seeing the sun come up in the morn and a smile to start my day. ❣️🌺
@@robbiefromabq2400 I truly love learning from the experiences of others...it is helpful to keep me from ruminating in my own head...only seeing things from only one perspective🤗
Was married for 25 years, a widow for 20 years... drew strength from my faith and trusting in His guidance My children was the force for me to forge ahead... though part of me left with him.... Being strong and positive is the only way to overcome the grieve.....And I wish that for all who have lost a spouse or loved ones
It felt so good to hear you say you’re not grieving right. I had years before my husband passed from Parkinson’s. Once someone said to me “Well you don’t sound sad.” I told her I was very sad at times but I had a long time of grieving already. I joined a grief support group. There were 3 women who cried through their stories of their husband’s death. I was the first one to tell my story and I was dry eyed through the whole thing. In came the doubts again. I’ve done a lot of thinking and convinced myself again that I am grieving right for me at this time.
We all have our own journey…and when we are a caregiver for our spouse, our grief starts and releases a little bit of pressure each day so it never feels like it explodes like it might with a sudden/unexpected death. Thanks for sharing #widfam
My friend, whatever you are feeling is just right for you. Long-term spousal caregiving is something different. My husband had MS for decades, I mourned losses along the way: the expected future, living a different life than your friends and peers, continence, a spouse who could walk alongside you, someone to share responsibilities with... Too many losses to count. It is still a loss when they die, especially when you consider how isolated you were together. It is a year now, and while I would never want to go back to the way things were, I certainly miss him at times and feel sad for both of us for having had to live that way. . For better or worse we had a life in common and there is no one else who shared all of that. There is an organization of fellow Well Spouses (long term caregiving) that you might was to join. They have some virtual formers groups.
It is soooo weird Judy. You prepare mentally and emotionally for all that time, thinking that when it happens, the pain and the tears will have already been cryed and felt. You can prepare for the EVENT but not the absense.
Hi Judy. I sure can relate to what you are saying. My husband had heart disease for over 20 years before he passed. There were many trips to the ER by ambulance for heart attacks, a TIA, open heart surgery, carotid surgery and each one was traumatic for me (and for him of course) because each time I drove to the hospital I was afraid of what I would find when I got there or sat in that waiting room while he was in surgery wondering if he would be ok. Then in 2021 a trip to the hospital discovered a tumor in his lung and esophageal cancer. He went through the radiation and chemo and was declared cancer free. But in 2022 he got Covid and he was never the same after that. His heart just couldn't take any more and then we found out he had end stage liver disease so he passed in Oct 2023. I don't cry at all because I think all those years took a toll on my body. I did cry at the funeral but haven't since. I know people think I'm crazy but I can't help it.
I found the same thing after my Mom died with dementia. I think it’s natural to react differently when you’ve already grieved ahead of time. And of course each person grieves in their own way.
It's been nearly 5 years since my husband died from cancer, and it's been quite a while since I've searched on RU-vid about grief. Your video was a nice "trip down memory lane". It is fascinating how experiences can be so similar. I could relate to what you were saying and it was a nice reflection to remind myself how far I've come. I still grieve him, but am more accepting of the situation. Life DOES more forward. I learned that if you look for misery, you will find it, so I choose to look to for happiness...and I find it. In the early days, that was sometimes a very difficult thing and I'd think "well, the cats are cute and fluffy" and accept that that was all I was going to find that day....but still it was better than looking for misery. God bless. xx
Sounds like you have the right attitude for healing! It has been over 5 years for me, too and I feel like I’m in that same place as you…more quiet reflection and acceptance now. I still tear up and have my crying moments when things remind me of what was lost, but I have a blessed life now, and I try to focus on that. Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback! #widfam
I lost my first husband when he was 38 and I was 39. I remarried and am now the caregiver for my second husband who has later stage dementia. The information posted is very beneficial. We can do this extremely hard task even more than once!
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Losing a spouse is mind boggling. Grief isn't something you get over. It's something that you live in. Over time the sharpness of the pain does dull a little but there will always be times when it comes back and takes a seat by you. Bless you.
I lost my husband in 2007. I still miss him every.single.day. Everything you shared has been part of my own experience - I’m a pastor- What really was hurtful was the congregation’s impatience. I was constantly asked “when was I going to get back to my “usual smiling self”. ‘
People are uncomfortable with our grief and after that initial few weeks, they aren't sure what to do with us anymore, so they would rather see us "back to normal" but they don't understand that will never happen! #WIDFAM
I still miss making up parodies of songs we made together, his teaching our daughter about manual work skills and telling me about his day as an Electrical Engineer and telling him about mine, his goofy jokes, his knowledge of things totally not related to his field of study, but in mine, and interest in learning more, as I was interested in learning about his.
I just found ur channel. I lost my husband on March 23rd 2019. He wasn't 40 yet. One of the things I learned- I didn't realize that your not married anymore in the eyes of the law & that devastated me. I've loved him since we were 15. I don't know any widows. Its so nice 2 hear u talk. Thank you- I kno it must be hard.
Thanks for sharing! I am learning now that people can be "married" in tons of different ways. Many widows still think of themselves as married in their heart/mind, even though the law sees it differently That is a tough transition to make. I think it comes later down the road when we get to the acceptance stage of grief, as we finally accept that they are gone and we are still here. In order to move forward, we need some sort of acceptance of that, which doesn't mean we have to be happy about it, just ready to see it and know in our hearts that it is what it is. It's a huge mental dilemma, and Ive seen it across many types of grieving. When I lost one of my babies during a pregnancy, the doctor said I could have them do a D&C right then, or I could wait for nature to take its course. I decided to wait, just in case they were mistaken (denial). I didn't actually miscarry on my own for 2 more months. I remember wondering during that time- am I pregnant? Do I tell people I'm pregnant? It was so confusing! Or I have hearda bout mothers who lose thier only child/chilren. They struggle with their identity...are they still a mom? (Of course, I believe they are!) And if so, then how do they relate to other mothers with living children? I have 4 kids- 2 of them have attempted suicide more than once. I sometimes wonder if I lost even one of my children- would I tell people I have 3 kids, or 4? And does it relly matter what we say??? Sorry, I went off on a rant, lol...but the bottom line is that we all here can understand how you are feeling about still being married and not understanding how to view yourself and your status. Your mind will slowly shift about that over time, and whether you decide to move on in love, friendship, or stay by yourself, you'll be in good company no matter what. Do what makes YOU happy, because you are responsible for yourself now...you did you duty by caring for your husband, ad you probably put your own needs on the back burner. Now it's time to love yourself, and take care of your own needs! Welcome to the #WIDFAM
I know it is hard to accept this new life that we never wanted and certainly didn't ask for! I try to think of it as living in my late husband's honor, living FOR him since he can't do it himself. He would want me to do that! #WIDFAM
9 months here, the worst part because he went to work and never came home ( heart attack) I had so much to say to him. I hope he knows how much I love him and miss him.
My heart aches for you, I hope you have people around you to lean on and talk to you must have had an awesome loving life with him and all the memories all the best to you, go do something you've always wanted to do but didn't get the time to much love from NZ
I did discover one thing that was a huge comfort to me. I started sleeping on his side of the bed. I would no longer gaze over to where he would be sleeping. I felt sort of like sleeping on his side was my holding him. It has been very comforting.
I threw the bed away. Actually I threw alot of stuff away. I felt like everything we had built together was destroyed. I wasnt angry, I just felt let down. My happy place was gone. It's been 9 years since the accident now, even though I have moments of joy, I still haven't found my happy place. My heart is absolutely broken.
@@proletarian2560 So sorry! 😭 Does it ever get any easier? My husband passed 2 weeks ago and the pain is never ending. 💔 He's all I think about. He's all I want. How do I go on? God please grant us peace. +
@@TheRapnep for me? No, it has not gotten easier. It still feels like yesterday. You do learn how to live with it, because you have to. I still have good times and bad times, I am missing him terribly lately (it's almost his birthday, so maybe that is why). I am sorry to hear of your loss. It is a journey I dont wish on anyone.
I have started doing this too, so I understand this. And I use his fave, worn out jacket as a pillow. I may be imagining it, but it still has his sent. It took months before I could wash his coffee cup. It's been a year this week since the ambulance took him away - and I still have not found the strength to move his shoes and ball cap from where he left them by the dresser. I miss him so much.
My Scott died suddenly at home just 7-1/2 weeks ago. What has surprised me is the feeling of utter helplessness and feeling as if I have become “stupid” when I used to be capable of so much before. Now I’m drowning in tasks and all these decisions to make that can have irrevocable consequences if you decide poorly. And all the folks who were there on days 1 to 7 or so are gone and I wonder if any are the real friends I thought they were. This is the time I feel panicky about being alone and this is the time when people aren’t wanting to return calls. This really speaks to how our culture and society has not learned how to deal with death and grief in group settings. And I was like that too! I’m so sorry to hear about the reactions you got from some of the family after your husband died. I’ve been lucky in that respect.
I'm so sorry for your loss! Don't stress too much about the "stupid" feeling, it's common and it's called Widow Brain, or Widow Fog. Your brain is working so hard on all of this grieving and thinking of new things that need to be taken care of, that it doesn't have much energy left to think of regular daily tasks that used to seem mundane. It might last a while, but it does get better (I thought I was getting dementia or something, couldn't even think of common words in conversation). This culture doesn't handle death and grief very well, it seems like no one wants to think about it for too long, so they want to allow us time to grieve, and then they want to see us get back to regular life ASAP. And they don't want to be reminded of it later, or even really speak of it. We need to normalize grief so that it is not so hard to do, and maybe we can feel comfortable showing our grief in front of others, even after so many months when people think we should be "finished" with it! Thanks for sharing. #WIDFAM
My husband passed 9 months ago, and I can say for me it seems harder. At first, like you said, you have to make alot of decisions and its hard for me to know if I'm making the right ones. Also I can relate to friends and family constantly calling at first when I needed time alone now its too quiet. We had 40yrs together and I feel blessed to have had that. God Bless.
@@mrs.z4370 I have made quite a few mistakes since I lost my hubby 10 years ago, some cost me money others not. I put it behind me and learnt how to survive and how to cope. I now try to go slow on decision making, but hard when salesman know you are widowed and push you to sign on the dotted line. I am now going to have someone with me for big decisions
What you said about feeling "stupid" hit a chord with me. I don't know how many times I have felt "stupid" and had anxiety and fear about being able to just make ordinary decisions. It's all the little chores that my husband used to take care of that seem to be so much more and really hard for me to cope with.
Shannon, my husband died 7 months ago and only recently has that helpless feeling started to go away. I recently have been going to a class called “Grief Share” once a week. These classes are given in many places all over the country. Everyone in the class is there because of the death of someone close to them, and we all can talk, share, and cry together knowing others understand. I actually found my class through Google. I admit it took courage for me to make the phone call to register, and even more when I had to get ready to attend the first meeting....it is so much easier to stay home and avoid others right now. It has been really helpful; Now I look forward to that time once a week. I do understand, Shannon.
My husband died suddenly 12 yrs ago. It was one of the hardest things I ever went through. I am a different person now, it has made me a very strong person.
I just lost my fiancé 2 months ago and I've realized my biggest fear is forgetting one minute with him. I'm so terrified of when my memories of him will start to fade. As that's natural and expected. Every day I write down notes about him, memories, phrases, and funny moments in my phones notes. I feel like this has been really cathartic and I will love scrolling through these as time goes by.
What a great idea! Not only does it help you process your feelings, but is sure to preserve your memories as well. Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback #widfam
Yes, you are doing the right thing to write about your fiancé every day. I think this will have a therapeutic effect as well as keeping your own memories as a comfort to refer back to in coming years. I lost my husband of almost 29 years, in April. I am so glad I can retrieve our relationship through our letters/birthday cards and daily notes. I wish you strength and please keep writing.
When my husband died suddenly 10 years ago, I remember being numb for about 3 months, cried alot, felt out of place in groups of other married couples even though they were my friends I felt like I didn't belong anymore and was angry that they all still had each other and I was left with no one, I think life is so unfair
Very strange feeling being SINGLE! My goodness after so many decades of holding hands now i walk alone. But i do like to believe he is watching over me… thank you for sharing your story..
@user-ed1eh9fh2h This is a very difficult time of the year but I just keep trying to keep moving and finding silver linings. My children and grandchildren give me support, love and joy. Thank you for asking
My husband died 9 years ago. This Saturday is our 50th wedding anniversary. The sense of grief is just as great now as when I lost him. But I’m learning to deal with it.
June, I'm so sorry that you are struggling, and will be praying for you this Saturday as you pass this tough milestone. JP (my current husband) is facing the 2-year anniversary of his late wife's death on April 17, and he has been really struggling this month too. We all have to support each other through the low moments when we spend a little extra time in our grief, and then help lift each other up and back o our feet so we can keep walking this road. Thanks for watching! #WIDFAM
Thank you for being so honest. You hit it right on the head. My husband was murdered so it was totally unexpected and I was definitely not prepared. It was surreal to see the news reports because you never think it will happen to you. That was 6 1/2 years ago and you are so right about odd things triggering sadness. My daughter just had her first child and I have had so many of the thoughts of all the things my husband would miss with this sweet little boy.
I believe they can see us and I know love does not end, when you can't see your loved one I lost my first born son Dec 16 2020 he was 51.i couldn't change him but I still loved him.he overdosed,he still had his hospital bracelet on,he was in emergency 2 days before.xmas was a blur.i pray every day for him.i know God loved him.i believe he's with family. Love doesn't end
My husband passed away in September 2017, I’m besides myself with grief, we were together 49 years, we rowed on his last day, I never kissed him good night as I did every night, he slept in another room, I went to his aid when I heard him calling out. The look of fear in his eyes with stay with me forever, he passed that night. I’m drowning in guilt and sadness. I’ve had counselling but I’m still stuck where I am, I truly don’t know what to do, I cry at every thought.
I was so sad to read this. He may have had fear in his eyes when he was in the throes of passing, but rest assured he is well and happy on the other side. He would not want you to drown in guilt and sadness. I've heard it said that those who have passed may not have the necessary skills to let the still-living know that they are ok, but so much research has gone into this death and dying business that I am certain to my core that he is happy and thriving in his new life. Jacki, time to let go and be at peace.
Hi Jacki, your words touched me. I pray that you have peace, the kind of peace that passes all understanding. Our life here is so brief in the span of time. What has helped me the most is to read scripture; usually the psalms and New Testament. Sometimes I read out loud. It has been a great source of strength and comfort. The Love of God will sustain you.
You Dont have to let go It makes me sick when people say hurt words they aren’t going through the same I fell your Pain its real unbearable suffocating i cried reading yours cause I KNOW 42 years very Happy Marriage these 20 months for me are HELL My Husband amazing Pianist i Miss the music sooo much i will pray for you each Day. I Know my David is my Guardian angel and YOU. Have one too. Mine helps me to survive every single Day God Bless You i hope we can find peace
Just found your channel and watched 12 things I learned. Just lost my wife and best friend in February. We were married thirty years. She had terminal cancer. It was like you were telling my story. I had all of our children watch it. They all understand much better what I’m going through and why I act the way I do. Thank you so much!
The first thing I learned was I had been so ignorant about the pain my friends that were widowed were living with and I felt really devastated that I didn’t understand or give them the attention and support that I could have given had I known. But widowhood is unknowable if you’ve not experienced it. Now I do and it has deepened my drive to show compassion to people in all sorts of circumstances that I may not have experienced myself. I didn’t know what I didn’t know but now I do so I feel an obligation to TRY HARDER to understand and to provide comfort to others, something I have desperately needed myself and have found so difficult to find.
I feel like I'm in the same position. I'm still grieving and have my struggles, but I also feel like I have a calling to share my experiences with others and help them in this process! #WIDFAM
@@OneHappyWidow I think what you’re doing is not only providing insights you have learned from your own experience regarding widowhood, but you’re also creating a forum for people to express themselves without criticism or censure. Not all widows or widowers are alone bc of children or others who share their lives. I am alone and the chance to express my thoughts is extremely limited and I am wary of social media bc it has bred short attention spans in people and few are willing to give their attention or, heaven forbid, actually read more than 5 sentences at a time to consider someone else’s thoughts. There is a built in sense of safety on your channel that people’s expressions will be treated kindly. It is very nice of you to give your time and make yourself available to help others.
Glad you have said this! I can’t believe how insensitive I was to friends that lost their spouse but I had not a clue of the pain and think that had to be done by them!
Wow. So many of the things are on my list too. My wife of 39 years died 6 years ago after 4 years of torture as she declined with dementia. We were very close since children so we both knew every nook and cranny of each other’s personality. (We met in primary school when she was 5. And I was 7) We used to finish each other’s sentences a lot. When her dementia meant she was only mumbling and the nurses thought she was uncommunicative we were still knowing what each other was thinking and feeling. That comforted me as I visited her in the nursing home each day. I would tell the nurses that she wanted something or other and they humoured me but in her way she had told me. Now she’s been gone 6 years I still feel her telling me things. I don’t usually tell anyone that because they look at me like I’m off my rocker or something. But I find it comforting I know it’s just my brain processes at work but the feeling she’s telling me “you can’t wear that -it’s got a mark on the front. Wear the white shirt instead” makes me feel like I’m not so alone. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can see it’s not easy for you. I hope doing the videos helps you I expect it does. Thank you again
What a beautiful love story that you knew each other since you were children! She was lucky to have you taking care of her all the way to the end. And yes, just doing these videos and hoping that I can help other is part of my own healing process. Thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM
Mike K, your story touched me. I just lost my Husband 15 days ago, and I would describe the last years as torture, Atypical Parkinson's Disease. Even when his mind went with dementia, he was still there inside, and I could understand him too. I feel the language of love transcends words. His Soul still communicated with me.
@@summertakacs-michaelsonch8842 Thank you Summer. If i can offer you some advice, can i say by all means listen to what people tell you but in the end you do what you think, not what anyone else tells you you should do. For example, everyone seems to have an opinion on whether you should throw your his clothes out or not. Dont let anyone push you into doing it. I still have most of Francie's clothes after 8 years now. Maybe I'm lazy, maybe Im' trying ot have her still around. I dont know but i"ll get around to sorting her things out eventually. Other people want to go trough the anguish of throwing out all that stuff straight away Only you know what's right for you. But dont let anyone rush you. Another one is "have you thought about getting another partner yet?" The answer is "yes i have thought about it and no i'm not going to." I never cheated on Francie when she was alive and i would feel like i'm cheating on her if i had another partner now at 72. Other people come to different choices about that, and i wouldn't criticise anyone for whatever they do regarding a partner. All i'm saying to you is - dont let anyone push you into things like that. There'll be plenty of people wanting to tell you whst you should do They're trying to help, but you make your own decisions and you are not wrong, whatever you choose to do.
Mike K, thank you. Francie was your soulmate, as my Erik was mine. We met young as well, and were together for 29 years. I've told my friends they can still call me Mrs. because we are still married in my eyes. We knew we were meant for each other, the very first time we went on a date, absolutely knew. We loved each other, through all good times and bad times, no matter what. I have the sense that love doesn't stop, and I will see him again. I am not going to let his clothes go either. Thank you for the encouragement to say no to people. I know I have to go on with my life, but I am hoping it will go forward with him, even if I can't see him any longer. I am still his wife.
I experienced every single one of those. So refreshing to hear someone talk so candidly about it. My trigger was/is the grocery store that we shopped at together. He died five years ago and I still can’t step foot in that store.
I lost my partner 5mo ago. I get triggers also in the grocery store. Looking at certain foods I bought for him seeing them in the store would make me cry.
I love this so much! My dad passed away in 2019 from cancer. He was diagnosed in Jan and died in May. It was hard, painful and watching my mom become a caretaker and then widow has been such a rollercoaster. You're 100% right on about when you need people they aren't there. While my mom's kids are all adults my dad was the one that really carried us so my mom taking on being our support has been a huge change. I relate to so many things you're going through even though it was my dad not my husband and it's super helpful to know how to support my mom to listen to you! Thank you for sharing this hard stuff of life. You are a blessing.
Thank you for sharing! It helps to hear from another perspective. I have learned the hard way that children grieve way differently than spouses do! I think it's really nice that you are thinking of your mom during this time of loss in your life. I'm praying for you and your family. Check out my video about widowed parenting where I talk about my kids' journey...see if you can relate to any of that.
My husband died suddenly. Two of our children have autism. We were a team in advocating for them and raising them to their greatest potential. They are adults and will always live with me. I feel so overwhelmed with the current grief of losing my husband and the worry of leaving them when I die. We prepared for their financial future. I worry about who will love them when I'm gone. C.
Carolyn, I also have an autistic son. He was homeschooled from 2nd-6th grade and his dad was his teacher during that time. When he died, Carter had to go to public school at age 12...the worst time for an Aspie to try to transition! He is home doing Penn Foster online now, but he struggles being at home so much while I work. He is high functioning, but almost too self-aware for his own good and it is causing him a lot of anxiety and depression, along with some psychotic type thinking...so needless to say, I struggle with raising him as well! I am remarried, and my new husband is very caring, but knows nothing about autism and can't seem to connect with my son. He thinks Carter just needs to "try harder" to be normal...oh if it were only that easy, right? So sometimes I feel like the only person advocating for him is me. His sisters are great with him, but the 2 older ones who really looked out for him are now adults and living out of the house. I think Carter will be capable of living on his own one day, but I'm not sure that he will want to try to do it. I'm sure one day, but I can't see him venturing out anytime soon. Maybe if he ever meets that special girl who is maybe an Aspie herself, or was raised around it so she can understand him. My heart is with you, and just know that even if you feel alone, there is always someone out there who cares, and can relate at least in some way! Feel free to email or message me whenever you need to vent! I have a FB group called One Happy Widow that you can join as well. Take care, and thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM
I am in a similar situation. My husband and I had a blended family with his disabled daughter who has a severe brain injury, and my daughter who is blind and autistic. We were so happy taking care of them together. Now I am on my own with them. The logistics are nearly impossible for one person. But, that constant awareness of my own mortality and their future is very challenging.
I too am raising an adult with Down syndrome and sever OCD alone. I too was fearful of death and what would happen to him. I came to believe (with lots of prayers) that our Lord is so merciful and He will take care of everything. I have made my worries known to Him and requested that He does not take me when I am alone with my boy. I have put my trust in Him who loves me. I will pray for you.
Just found your channel. My husband passed away 2 months and 17 days ago. It's the end of the year and I feel like I can't leave him in 2021. Man down, so I take him with me and figure it all out later. Thank you for commenting on that, wow! What makes this even harder is my dad passed just 36 days after my husband. It's been a HARD year. Thank you for your words.
I’m so glad this video popped up. I lost my husband of 48 years in January 2020, his service was in February and then the world shut down! Not only was I grieving, but also isolated alone. Your 12 items are so right on, describing my last year. Thank goodness my children are grown so I didn’t have to worry about supporting them and they have been a Godsend to me. For several months,I’d think he was coming back. People have thought I’m very strong because I haven’t crumbled, but like you the triggers are there but others don’t want to see you break down. This video was such a comfort to me...thank you
Thanks for your comments! I'm so sorry for your loss, and then having to be isolated for a pandemic, that's a double whammy! I hope this channel helps you know that you are not alone in this journey. #WIDFAM
Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband passed December 5, 2021 I’m still a mess. It was unexpected he had Covid pneumonia and went on life-support. I was preparing to bring him home never imagining that he would be gone. We don’t have any kids we were married 28 years and together 31 1/2 years. I went from home to my husband who was the absolute light of my life, my whole reason for being, and I’m completely devastated. I miss him so bad in every single way. I am home alone but I do have family scattered around. The phone calls and texts are coming to a halt. I hear from people only because I call or text them. But the check in’s and the offers to help have pretty much gone away. So many things to deal with so everything from Do I stay in my house or sell it, but then there’s a loss of everything we had together. And the list goes on as you know. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you all.
I just saw your video today. I have been a widow for 21 months. This is honestly the first time that I felt like I am not alone in this. For that THANK YOU!!!. What have I learned? That I have to learn new things all the time now that I have to do everything for myself or at least know who to call. Thank you again!
My fiancé passed away 7/27/23, I am 32 years old and I thought how I was feeling was wrong but wow everything you’ve said is how I’m feeling, down to the people getting ugly and taking all his property. I’ve learned I am stronger then what I thought and that I have to keep being strong for my children.
Losing a child is the #1 most stressful event you’ll ever go through. I’ve lost both my spouse and my 27 year old daughter. The death of my daughter completely devastated me…..and don’t get me wrong…..my husband was the absolute best.
It really hurts when you know the one's you love are no longer around you but I believe they're proud of you wherever they are up there and am sorry for your lost I also lost my elder daughter during the COVID-19 pandemic then
Lost my youngest daughter 19 years ago. I gave birth to two wonderful daughters. When I held them for the first time, I felt an absolute pure love. I can say they are the loves of my life. I now have 3 grandchildren & love them the same way. There are different kinds of love.
I feel for you all. I have never felt such physical pain. I don't think I will ever get to grips with my husband's death. Each day seems to be worse than the last. I don't think of myself as a widow strangely. I just feel like a tippy toy bouncing around trying to find a way to some kind of stability.
I was scrolling to find something to watch and came across your video. I lost my husband of 39 years March 27, 2017. Tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of his death. I have been weepy the past week and I just feel like people think I should be over to this by now. Thank you for the video. I truly believe it was God sent.
Wow, my husband just told me a few days ago that I should start praying about this channel and letting God grow what I had planted here. I did start praying and the very same day, the whole channel started growing like wildfire, and now you found it! God's timing is always perfect, even if we do't understand it sometimes. Thanks for sharing, and we will be praying for you tomorrow for this next milestone. #WIDFAM
You totally nailed it. I have been widowed for ten years now. We were married for 44yrs. You never get over it. You get through it. People just don't understand that. But why would they. Until it happens to them. Thank you for this and I'm very sorry for your loss. Xxx
@@OneHappyWidow yes thank you you are wonderful listening you you are so honest and true im still missing my husband 10 months on life will be never the same again he is the father of my 2 children theslove of my life for 44 yes ups and down that's life but we both stuck it out thank god5x
I'm sorry for your loss but thank you for being willing to share. Three weeks ago I lost my husband (of 37 years) suddenly. He had a heart attack during the night. He just went to bed and didn't wake back up. It's been very difficult on me and our kids and young grandkids. We're all still numb. Thank you for sharing your experiences to help those of us that now find ourselves facing the same situation. God bless!
I lost my husband Feb. 2023 to pancreatic cancer. Even though I knew he was terminal, the actual moment of death was surreal. I relive that moment over and over. I wish he had offered me a final “Good-by, I love you”, but he did not. He was so weak. I have to rely on the happier memories from a 44-year marriage. Oh well. Thank you all for your “shares”.
Hello be lady ny 💜 is with you I'm sincerely sorry for your husband no longer with us 😢 I don't like to use the word loss anymore so excuse me if it makes you feel uncomfortable I say no longer with us because it sounds better 😌 I don't feel like I lost him his spirit is still present in my opinion he just doesn't have a physical body I can touch. I'll pray for strength lady Its been one year n 3 months for me and whoooooo!!!! We would need to call on another for me to really communicate my experience so far If you practice prayer please talk to God all the time you will be stronger 🙏🏽 going through the journey Blessings lady
People grieve their own deaths… it’s not about you, it’s about the person leaving, you are just there for support… my husband was exhausted, scared, exhausted, busy dying… you need to tell yourself you are loved and let the one dying do their journey… all we’re doing is walking each other home… I KNOW my husband loved me and it’s not up to him to make me ok…
I learned from my brother-in-law's death that the paperwork can overwhelm the widow. There was so much paperwork while my sister was saturated with emotions. It seemed to go on and on. It may be necessary to get help either professionally or personally to inch your way through the flood of insensitive paperwork.
My husband passed away in 2015 and then my oldest daughter died on May 1, 2020 and all of these are true for being a widow and losing a child. Everything for me now is before my daughter passed away and after she passed away. I still have bad days more bad than good.
Patti, I'm so sorry for your losses. I cannot speak to how it must feel to lose a child, although I have thought about how it might be when my children have threatened and attempted suicide. The thought of it makes me have so much anxiety, I can't dwell on it too much. I even worry abut my new husband leaving me a widow a second time. But I try not to dwell on those thoughts. My prayers are with you. #WIDFAM
My husband died May 8th, 2020. Followed by my brother in July, my adopted dad in Oct (on my birthday) my adopted mom and my son in Dec... and a dear cousin about 2 weeks ago. I fully understand your pain. God bless.
It's been almost a year. I still expect to hear his voice or come home and see him there. I don't think I will ever get past this loss. I find some comfort in quilting...I see you may be a quilter also. It's comforting to know I am not alone in my grief. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your feedback. I do sew, but I don't quilt (I have tried it, but I prefer to sew clothes and bags, etc). But I do have somewhat of a fabric addiction! #widfam
I'm watching this presentation for future reference. I will likely become a widow in the fairly near future. We have "been together" since we were 14 and 15 years old. We have four wonderful kids, 13 grandchildren and 2 greats. We have been married for 45 years this past November. I can't seem to wrap my head around this whole nightmare. i appreciate your no nonsense guide to what I can expect to come.
I'm so sorry...I did go through this as well, and nothing can really prepare you. You are already grieving, so the transition of grief won't be as jarring. Feel free to join our FB group for more support: facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
I learned that I KNOW : HE is waiting for ME, when my transition time comes, that WE will then continue OUR ETERNAL Marriage. This KNOWLEDGE has allowed me to; NOT FEAR DEATH SO MUCH ANYMORE !! A HUGE POSITIVE OUT OF A HUGE NEGATIVE !!!!🥰
Prayers to you, Debby! You are in the toughest stage of your grief, so don't worry too much about what's "right" or whatever, just do what you need to do, let yourself feel everything, even though it hurts, and get rest when you can. Accept any help that is offered while it is still abundant. And reach out if you need to! #WIDFAM
I stumbled on this by searching "stand up comedy for widows" because my husband died 3 months ago. And stand up makes me feel better. But I'm so happy I found your video. I don't even know how to, like, act or be anymore. I prepared his body myself and took two photos and I'm so glad I did.
Rose, I'm glad you found the channel, and I hope the other videos can help you as well! Feel free to join our FB group at facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow where we have tons of supportive members as well! #widfam
I'm 26 years into a new life without my husband. He was only 38. I was 36. It was sudden. Had 4 daughters to raise. There were so many stages to go thru and even going thru them years later. I never remarried and never will. It's amazing what you can accomplish because you HAVE to go on. There's still not a day u don't think about him and miss him and always will. You made alot of good accurate information and advice in this video. Thank you for reaching out.
Your story is similar to mine. My husband died of cancer aged 37 and I was 36 with three children ges 3, 6 and 7 to raise. I've never remarried either and never will. When he was diagnosed with cancer he only lived another month. Having lost an aunt and an uncle in their thirties to cancer made it not so shocking when my husband was diagnosed. But keeping it together for my kids made it possible to not let grief overwhelm me and carry on with my life and that was 30 years ago.
That it is possible to have more than one love. To love again you never stop loving the one who has gone first, you just heal your heart enough so it can grow to include someone new. You never stop loving the one who has gone. Hugs
Lost my Love after 54 years and watched him suffer for many years before . You are talking about my years of grieving and in two weeks it will be 4 years . I don't think grief will ever go away . I am a private person like you and still have some ruff days that hit unexpected . Take care
I just lost my husband a little over 2 months ago from cancer. We have 2 teen boys, we were married 20years . I'm so glad I heard ur story. Holidays have got to be the worst time of year during these troubled times. But I pray all the time for strength and comfort. People call me a warrior, because I don't show emotions infront of people. The strongest woman they know. But I don't feel so strong inside. Dealing with anxiety, feeling lost and Noone sees that.
People who haven’t lost a spouse have a hard time understanding what we are going through. Feel free to join our FB group for more support- www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
I also lossed my husband in 2017my worst time in public was at church and saw one of the men put his arm around his wife I also cried knowing I would never have that again.
Thank you. I ran across your channel accidentally. You’re so right - you don’t know how it feels until it happens to you. I’ve learned that I wasn’t a very nice person. I remember complaining, I remember not listening completely to his stories, not fully appreciating all the things he did for me. Examples pop into my head randomly. I do my best to push these thoughts away. There are happier times to remember. But after 41years I have a lot of bad behavior to regret. I’m afraid he didn’t know how much I love him.
I have many of these same regrets. I complained a lot about little things that didn't really matter. I expected him to be perfect a lot of the time, and held it against him when he was human. I can't go back and be a better wife to him, but I can try my best to remember this now, and be a better wife to my current husband. I'm sure that your husband knew that you loved him, so I wouldn't dwell on that too much. And forgive yourself...we are often our own worst critics!
I lost my husband suddenly 8 months ago. He was my world. I agree with your list, these are the same things I learned. Especially people saying stupid things. I'm still grieving, but I'm slowly feeling better. Thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone.
I totally agree with you. It's been 5 years since I became a widow... My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer a year before he died, I took care of him at home and he passed away at home while I was alone. I still live alone but I'm trying to live happy. I identify with you, when you said about how we mark events as "before" or "after" the death of our loves one ... In the beginning I was asking to others how they dealt with the processes .. and from them I felt support & encouragement
I'm so glad I just discovered your video. I SO relate to so much you said. My husband David died unexpectedly and needlessly April 25, 2021. We had been married 43 years with 2 children. It's been 18 months now. SO many things are surfacing now. The emotional pain is like a dark cloud that leaves every now and then; but, seem to hover. Two weeks after he died the hard drive on our business computer crashed and the company responsible for the cloud backup didn't backup the vital files! Even though I was grieving, I had to keep "my head about me" to keep our business/income surviving...to no avail. After 45 years of hard work there was nothing for me to sell with all the vital information of our business gone. 2021 was a year from hell. 2022 challenging. I am now starting to feel like I'm really grieving. Heart pain is unbelievable. Fear, uncertainty without my cheerleader encouraging me I'm doing a good job with everything. So much self doubt. I tell myself, "This day--take each moment...one at a time! I do my best; but.... Thank you for this video. It is REAL! In the past 18 months, there has been one big thing after another for me to deal with. I am a strong believer/Christian. I believe satan has been pulling out all his tricks to get my faith to waiver. NOT FOR ONE SECOND HAS MY FAITH WEAKENED. I know it is God that has CARRIED ME THROUGH THIS WHOLE TIME. Without my faith in Christ, I would not be standing today. There's no promise life would be easy. I pray for my heart to heal. I pray for relief and assurance. THIS VIDEO gives me some of that. THANK YOU!
Thanks so much for watching, and for sharing your feedback. Feel free to join our FB group for more support: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow If you have other topic suggestions, feel free to share!
after three plus years, i am still trying to figure out what to EAT! For 40 years I cooked for Steven and just ate what was in the pot. Now, ??? what do i like for me?? Grocery shopping used to be our favorite date...now it's a task I dread. I am learning that eating is really over-rated. :-)
Maybe you can et some of those meals that come delivered and pre-packaged, so you just heat it up and eat it. Or you could find some RU-vid videos about meal prepping...it's great for one person meals!
I'm glad to have found your channel. My husband died suddenly 3 years ago. Everything you said is true. All of it. I would suddenly cry when the sky was blue and not a cloud in sight. Sob uncontrollably and then the grief would pass and I could continue on normally. I still have these days on occasion. Also I too am not afraid to die because Steve is waiting for me in heaven. He paved the way. We have to accept our loss and go on living for ourselves and our children, though many days are not easy. I hope you find peace and have joy and live an incredible long life.
I learned some of my husband friends are idiots. Some them were taking pictures of him while he was in his casket. He didn't want his picture taken. He didn't want anyone to remember him like that. So I am there trying to comfort his Mother these dummies taking pictures. I told them to delete them pictures they did. The funeral were on Facebook anyway. You can see the casket but not him up close. Now that I think about it. I should have said no, they didn't deserve him as a friend. I am doing better today. Its been 10 months my husband has passed. I miss him everyday.
OMG I had this same issue! But it didn't actually happen at the funeral, I just knew that his family has that tradition of taking pictures of their loved ones in the casket. Dewey begged me not to let that happen, and I was so paranoid about it. I spoke to the funeral director to see if we could actually have someone stand guard to make sure no one took pics, and they said they couldn't do that. WTH? I did get them to put a sign up right next to the casket that said the family respectfully requests that NO pictures be taken. If it happened, I didn't see it. Sadly, I was more worried about his own mother doing it than anyone else! Oh, how death can bring out the absolute worst in people! I'm sorry you had to deal with that, on top of your own grieving and consoling his mother. What a huge burden that was for you!
Those are horrific people!! I hope they're no longer in your life. Facebook is trash, don't put up with it. Get an attorney. Facebook lives in fear of real people. Take care.
Same happened to me we both made arrangements months earlier for us wanted closed caskets that did come to pass my mortician was ask NO Pictures. immediately after funeral before graveside ceremony it was already broadcast a cousin did video. And shared something we DID NOT WANT i dont understand people how they can be so morbid. Very hurtful the grief is constant pain hard enough we all deserve some respect especially during these difficult time
Thank you for this Video! I learned I am stronger than I thought I was and Can find moments of Joy in my life. I miss him so much still! He was my best friend and there was not a day when we didn't say "I Love You".
My boyfriend and I met when we were in high school at age 16. We married at 22 had two beautiful girls. He passed away at 47 from a heart attack. I never remarried. I’m 63 now and I still miss him and I still cry!! He passed away at home in the early morning on the couch and sending my daughter off to school waiting on the bus. I knew he had passed but I still tryed to revive him. I remember every single thing and I remember the viewing at funeral home and the burial. He was in the army and received a flag and still in a flag frame on the front windowsill!! I will always and still love and miss him every day!!!🇺🇸💖🙏
I have a flag on the bookshelf too. I don't remember much of the funeral at all! Funny how our brains work with different people and situations! #WIDFAM
Darlene, I lost the love of my life 4 months ago (he was 44, we've been together for 17 years), the exact same way you lost your husband and I did the same thing as you (trying to revive him). This is so strange, I could have written the exact same message, all your words resonate so much. One thing I'm sure is that, I've no idea how long I'm going to live but I will always love and miss him every second of every day.
I have no idea why this popped up in my RU-vid but I'm so glad it did. I'm not a widow but a dear friend of mine lost her husband of 20 years in 2010. I wish I'd learned the things you spoke of back then. I would have been a better friend. Your words help me to understand my friend better.
My husband died in May 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. I still haven’t been able to have his funeral. He asked to have his ashes spread at sea. I am hoping to do it this summer.
This pandemic has complicated the grieving process for so many of us, especially ones who are earlier on the journey, like yourself. I hope that you are able to have that closure soon. Be sure to update us when you do! #WIDFAM
My husband asked not to have a funeral. He said to gather family and friends at home; eat and reminisce. Scatter his ashes on the beach. We did this. I recommend it.
I’m a subscriber and have shared my story on another video, so I won’t repeat it here other than to say I have been a widow since 2014. I actually prefer the term widow to single and refuse to refer to myself as single. I’m proud of the fact that I was the wife of a wonderful husband and had a very successful marriage for 18 years. And I also refer to him as my late husband because I don’t want anyone to think he’s still alive and ask questions and have to explain that he’s no longer living. Dumbest thing anyone said to me happened 8 months after he died...”You’ve changed!” And it was not intended as a compliment. I was too much in shock to come up with the reply, “Ya think??!!” I have changed. I’m a stronger, wiser, more confident person as a result of what I’ve been through. I also believe I’m a better person because of Bill’s influence on my life and all he taught me. That influence and those lessons live on in and through me.
beautifully said.......bravo for you. Yes 6 weeks since husband of 59 years passed and I've changed and why people have to remind me of that I will never understand.
I’m so happy to watch you. My ex-husband died Feb 26. We were close friends. I’ve been sad. Also my boyfriend (on & off) for close to 50 years is no longer in my life. My heart has been broken. I’m recovering doing better & this video is very helpful. I need to recover.
My husband died unexpectedly in September. I went to a Lenten retreat in our church where we had held his funeral. I was desperate for a sense of peace, relief from the sadness. The priest put up a prayer by St. Francis de Sales. It was like my husband had sent it for me. BE AT PEACE Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life; rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, Whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow; the same understanding Father, Who cares for you today, will take care of you then and every day. He will either shield you from suffering or will give you the unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations. Amen
Thank you... I needed that. My husband (somewhat unexpectedly) passed away 2 weeks ago and the pain is relentless and never ending. I can't seem to escape! I feel such guilt. 😭 I wish I could have just one more hour with my Sweetie to say all the things I didn't say when I could have and should have, and to take back all the things I did say that I shouldn't have. He knew I loved him more than my own life and I know that he loved me more than his, but if I could ask God for just one more thing, it would be just one more hour. 😞
@@TheRapnep I hope you have found peace since you posted. It will be two years on the 29th this month for me. I am finding more peace every day. God bless you and keep you. ❤️
One thing I can add about people saying the wrong thing. When they try and tell you that they know what you are going through because it has been so hard since they divorced or how horrible it has been since their son left home to get married. I want to scream that its not the same! They are still here. You probably will see your former spouse and have holidays with your son. I will never see my wonderful beautiful soul mate again.
This is so true, and I think every widowed person has heard at LEAST one stupid thing from someone who didn't think before speaking! I am working on a video about this as well!
I just found your channel today. I've been widowed for 14 years (still can't believe that!) and I agree with every one of the things you mentioned. One thing I learned is that I have more compassion for other people when they lose a loved one. Not that I didn't before but something shifted internally and I felt that pain in the pit of my stomach return. Blessings to you and everyone who needs one.
I had such a strong feeling that I would never be cherished again. It’s only been 8 months and sometimes the pain is unbearable but I just slow down my life and hold on to the 44 years of memories
My husband had been hospitalized with a five way bypass and was recovering well. We were married for 53 1/2 years, but I thought we had a few years more. He was two years in recovery when he had a severe migraine with aphasia and seizures. Still we made it through. On the day of his release from the hospital, he had an MRI and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer stage four. He lived two weeks and two days. The night he died we we’re watching a baseball game. I held his hand and told him he should go, I’d be ok. You never get over the missing, but you can move forward. Bless all of the widows in this world, they could use your prayers.
Shortly after my spouse died, somebody gave me a little book on thankfulness. Reading it helped a little. Developing thankfulness n focusing on being thankful for things that I still have helped a lot to take me out of the depressing mood of grief. 2) accepting that my marriage was over but my life will forever be impacted by my spouse was a help to accept, let go and move on. 3) Rom. 15:4 ... patience (time heals all wounds) and comfort of the scriptures is giving me hope. 1 Pet. 1:13 I'm setting my hope fully on the grace that is to be brought to me at the revelation of J.C.
I got a lot out of your video. 1 thing I realized is I started grieving the moment the Dr said his cancer was terminal! Until then, we thought he was beating the cancer! I have been so angry at myself for not making the most of his last weeks and days! I didn’t realize that I started grieving before he died!
Thank you so very much for making this video. 🥰 I lost my dear husband April 2nd of 2021, just 3 1/2 months short of our 25th Wedding Anniversary. He was the love of my life and I miss him every day. ❤ Your video was so truthful and I cried the entire way through it. I do agree so strongly with another viewer's comment, that it honours his memory when people acknowledge his life. In an attempt to protect your feelings, people often refrain from mentioning him. Please speak of him and celebrate his life. His life made a difference in this world and needs to be honoured. ❤
My husband died suddenly 6/16, he was 61 and very active, he essentially looked and acted 10 years younger. After he passed I had a difficult time going out to eat, to church or to any other social events because there would be couples my age and older and I felt so upset that they still had each other. It almost felt like I was being punished. Loneliness has been the hardest thing to deal with. I graduated from art school in the 70’s, and now, with all the time on my hands, I have created a beautiful studio that I go into and draw and paint everyday. I just finished illustrating a 5 book children’s series for an author. I still miss Keith everyday, but I’m filling my life with color and creativity, it makes me happy. I’m also not afraid of death now either, I know when God finally takes me home and see Keith again, it will be forever. So glad I stumbled upon your channel.
I'd love to see some of your beautiful creations! I think it is one of the best therapies, is to create in some way. This channel is a creation, of sorts, and it has helped me so much! #WIDFAM
My husband was also called Keith. Went by the nick name of Monty. He was heck of a ride. Do it all again even the hard times. Beautiful souls don't always come in neet packaging.
Married 38 years, Pancreatic cancer took him in three months, June , 2018 AND everything you’ve said is 100% true! Our husbands may die, but the love never does! ❤️ One thing that I might add that happened to me was.......the next week the house had three gas leaks( I had no money, he didn’t have insurance ), the week after that his cat died, then our two year old Jeep completely feel apart and I was forced to buy a new car, every week or so there was something big I had to cope with, a family of opossums died under the sun porch( do you have any idea how bad that smell was? ) I was in a constant state of overwhelm. This year I found a mouse in the house! 😳 If he was looking down from heaven he was laughing at my reaction. ( he knew I detest any kind of creepy crawly critter ). This year all the appliances fell apart. Life has been difficult at best. We had no children so I’ve felt very lonely like you said, and I wondered how I would survive. Everyone does goes on with their lives. But, God has blessed me with the most beautiful neighbors that got me this far and if I lived to be 100, I could never repay their kindness and generosity. I will miss him until the day I die, he was a good good man. We are never alone when we have the Lord in our hearts. God Bless you sweet friend. We belong to a club that no one wants to join.
So glad that you have nice neighbors to help you! And it does seem like when it rains, it pours as far as things falling apart and everything needing to be replaced at the same time! Thanks for sharing your story!
Same here 44years marriage 15 months I had extra after she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer too she passed in January 2022 so I am in the middle of the grieving process. I have friends who have been there and they had a loss. A loss is a loss no matter how you look at it,however I do rely on God and have a greater sensitivity to loss.
I lost my husband of 30 yrs, and married again 10 yrs later - and he died of a sudden stroke 5 yrs later. Both of these were very sudden - no time for any preparation. Both times, there were things that needed done, so I focused on that. I cried more later, by myself. I understand the calendar, marking time. It almost feels like more of a loss. The first time, .y daughter had a lot of trouble in scbool, etc.I had to focus on that. But (especially the second time) I have really withdrawn,, I dont want people around trying to cheer me up. But everything you have said is right on......and before/after patterns do influence daily life. The Lord was with me, quietly helping me through. It doesnt go away, but becomes a pattern in your life that you start to recognize. (Even family, kids who try to comfort you just cant give what you need)
I’m so sorry for your multiple losses! I’m sure the pain level is the same, but it is still a fresh loss all over again. Just as your husbands were different, I imagine so is your grief, and it’s hard to explain to non-widows how we can grieve and love again at the same time. Thanks for sharing your story.
You're the first person I've heard after my partner died last year, say what I've been saying about not fearing death. "If he can go through death, I can too". I've said those exact words. I tried explaining this to my friends and family but everyone just gives me the strangest look like I'm crazy.
