Hello you savages. Get access to every episode 10 hours before RU-vid by subscribing for free on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw Here's the timestamps: 00:00 False Consensus Effect 04:47 Freudian’s Paradox 14:35 The Narcissist’s Bedpost 20:34 Enthymeme 30:09 Post-Journalism 41:20 Fiction Lag 51:58 The Golden Mean 1:05:55 Tarswell’s Razor 1:09:32 Package-Deal Ethics 1:17:44 Rothbard’s Law 1:24:22 Champion Bias 1:30:21 Anchored to Your Own History Bias 1:36:29 Common Knowledge Effect 1:43:19 Where to Find Gurwinder
A lot of people talk about themselves so that they can share things in common with another person and build a relationship through common interests. If someone is into something and you say that you really like that too, you have a better connection then if you just asked them questions. There are lots of reasons people talk about themselves not just egotism.
I catch myself doing this sometimes, but because i notice this the people that i most often have conversations with know this. Like i told them hey i say these things because i want to acknowledge your experience in said subject through my own so that you also know you’re understood well. Though when this happens to me a lot in a short period it can be interpreted as bragging, thats when i found out i had to watch my mouth sometimes 😂
The part about the narcissism, ”when you inject yourself into a conversation”, Chris did that just few seconds before! I feel that narcissism has been pathologized in social media. All of us have those traits, we use them every day. To treat somebody as narcissist just because he or she is talking to much about themselves is a bit too much. A true narcissist is toxic, with damaged relationships.
Some autistic people will inject themselves into the conversation with a relatable thing that happened to them as a way to relate and fit in. It isn't a narcissistic thing, it's an acceptance thing because many autistic people feel odd or like they don't fit in.
So glad you got Gurwinder back on the show. His latest article, "Why Everything is Becoming a Game", is honestly one of the best things I've ever read.
Turning 50 now, and I think with age I just cut ppl more slack in general which seems to be a good starting point. I don't expect much from any interaction, but if it turns out well it is just a great bonus that may make my day better. Anyways, love the cahnnel and have a good day/eve all. Cheers from Sweden.
Chris' point about conversation and charisma is analogous to playing tennis with a friend. It's the back and forth that is fun. Seeing how long we can keep it going, as opposed to smashing the ball past each other. It's not really a competition.
13:24 “The less time making decisions, the more you spend making decisions work. You can use that extra time to make whatever decision you made and make it work.” The decision planning period should be weighed with its potential value and priority.
Thanks for the insight on Morgan Housel’s books. In my 82 years of life I have learned to refrain from giving financial advice to my grandchildren, even when they ask how grandpa and I could afford to buy a house 😊 is not relevant any more.
1:07:04 I have to disagree about the value of anger. You and bro _sort of_ get to it at the end of this segment but I think it's even more important for a number of reasons: - Anger is important for self-advocacy and boundaries and helps limit others taking advantage of you. It's even more primative for self-protection but even removing this basic function it helps defend against emotional trauma -- you're mistreating me and I'm not going to allow it. - Saying it's obsolete because we have police is downright silly (
So true. Anger is not even the primal emotion. It's fear that drives it. Fear of losing or not getting something actually is what makes you angry. Example, some guy flirts with you girlfriend. Why are you REALLY getting angry?
@@MrTomehok Why? Because it's an act of blatant disrespect in an attempt to make you feel small/weak/inadequate, and to crush your confidence. And if you don't respond with anger/aggression, your girlfriend will surely take notice and begin to wonder why she's with you. Does that clear things up?
@@TheDionysianFields You just come off as very insecure responding with anger in this case. If you are secure in the relationship and your woman respects you then there’s no reason to fear losing her or looking weak etc.
@@cucovermillion369 I can't remember if I watched the video but I fully support what the OP wrote here. If you don't, please point to where you think they are mistaken. Respect is an issue, even after you've secured a relationship.
Agreed, that was a silly confusion of categories on his part. There is no contradiction between constitutional freedoms and limited government intervention in the spheres it ought not to insert itself while expecting it to fulfill one of the primary purposes for which it exists - protecting its citizenry. That's like saying a child is contradicting himself for wanting the freedom to dress himself, set up his room, and play in the yard while expecting the parents to protect him from home invaders.
The conservative critique of being pro freedom and anti mass migration was a silly comment as they’re unrelated. Being a conservative also means respecting a sovereign state and its borders ensuing the freedom of the citizenry of that nation. Especially when mass migration goes against the people’s will and forced upon the populace which they didn’t vote for. Somehow he thinks “pro-freedom equals do whatever you want regardless of who it impacts”.
There is a portion of conservatives who want less LEGAL migration to protect culture and homogeneity,pro-freedom imigration policies results in diversity and multiculturalism
@@user-ch4mm7dy3g Everyone wants to go trick or treating in the wealthier neighborhoods. Our country is highly developed. We have many educational issues to fix. And many other things to improve. I don't understand why anyone would want a free for all for immigration. We don't even have top of the line affordable health insurance for all our legal citizens. A country is like a private house, the people living there get to say who is allowed in. Common sense!
Chris. You are such a beautiful human. The cadence of your talking is perfect. You are a stellar piece of art to look at , indulge in the knowledge & you seem to enjoy your guests & work. It is something to aspire to be & look for in a “possible” mate, as well nutrition & fitness, brain, sleep, you have helped me more than you could ever know. I am so grateful , you have introduced me to many other great minds I was not aware of & I share them to friends & family. Thank you …
The place it’s really obvious is watching people drive. It bothers me when my girlfriend rages at people on the road for very minor mistakes or inconveniences because I don’t have my full license yet and I know that if she was driving behind me she would be freaking out, which really discourages me from wanting to start driving more.
At the same time we see people doing all these mistakes that could potentially lead to crashes if they were just a little bit off on their estimates. I think some of the anger directed at drivers is justified e.g. being mad at someone who drives too fast, doesn't give turn signals, rear-ends etc. So many things that could lead to horrible accodents.
Ignore her, to put it shortly. People with road rage are too self righteous. Everybody makes mistakes and beginners have every right to be on the road as everyone else. Do not worry what others think and do your best. Good luck 💪🏻
Women always overreact on the road. Men will be more respectful to each other because of the threat of violence 😂 When you drive you have to simply operate the vehicle well and follow traffic rules. Anyone having a problem with you doing that has a problem with their personality haha you can do it bro.
In ADHD circles, showing how something relates to ones self, is typically a way to build a bridge between the other person and themself. It's similar to saying, "oh look, I can relate to you empathetically" and "look at what we have in common". Another way of seeing it is "I understand you".
Yep, exactly that! I used to do it in the "I can relate to you" way all the time. It was only recently I learnt it could be viewed as a narcissistic thing
@@DMUs-nu6tg Same! Now I try to watch it more but then sometimes I don't know how to relate as well. When I first heard that was sometimes considered self-centered I thought "isn't that just how conversations happen? How else would it go?" Lol
i dont have time to watch the entire episode , but this is really important information can you please explain it , if you dont have time pls give the time stamp , thank you
Beautiful talk! I find such solace in these conversations. This is for two reasons. One, it let's me know that I'm not an alien. Two, it reminds me that there are thoughtful and intelligent people in the world and not just the constant sludge we see on our screens. Thank you!
Very interesting discussion, thank you both. On the first point made, it reminded me that essentially we all have our own ‘map’ of the world (beliefs etc. based on lived experience), it’s so easy to be judgmental. This is something I’m constantly working on, in terms of catching’ myself. Found the discussion about decision making useful to reflect on.
When I was in college, I started doing mental exercises to see the world through the eyes of various people at school. It was quite eye opening and fascinating, and aided greatly in addressing the concensus bias. The ability to jump into someone's head, to understand their biases and limitations, their goals and interests, and emotions and insecurities gave me such insight into the people's behavioral patterns. It felt like seeing an entire crowd of people, busily ebbing and flowing through their lives, and being able to predict the pattern of movement so I could navigate through without crashing into anyone. It took a while for me to understand women though. Mostly because I was expecting logic. Once I accepted that logic didn't apply to the pattern, and that whims and emotions were the driving force, it all made sense. Lol.
Brilliant that Chris mentioned the Cummings interview. Whether you like or loath Cummings his insights into why government isnt working was fascinating.
@16:58 My grandfather used to express his displeasure in my dates by telling me, "He seems to not be very intelligent... his I's are too close together".....
An amazing episode as always ❤❤❤... You really need to speak also to Esther Perel... Her perspective of relationships is "ummmbelievely" amazing, eye opening and relateable.
Interesting point made about the mechanism or technology used or embedded within language. The story is the packaging - "Trojan horse" Language, can be used like computer code. For those that know who to use/create it.
About Sam Harris. He pays a price for not beloging to a thought tribe but some people also get satisfaction from being a contrarian. So your theory is a tricky one.
Has Bryan Johnson ever said he doesn’t enjoy his daily life? How can someone say that another person is not living their life when they are following their true passion. Even the best athletes still have to do boring exercises for hours everyday…
I consciously started using more I and me because it would make my conversation more relatable instead of speaking in abstract or from a "I know everything about this topic" perspective. I learned that if someone is in conversation with me, they are interested in what my thoughts are. Are you now telling me this is not the case?
In Walter Isaacson’s book, to prevent excessive dallying over decision-making Elon Musk directed his team to choose randomly and deal with mistakes that crop up later.
enthymeme is essentially gaslighting via peer pressure.. and i suppose it takes a certain critical mass of 'peers' to invert the false consensus effect
Keep doing the thing , that you keep doing. Because it's interesting, valuable, and inspirational/invoking - to go and venture/adventure from outside our perceptions Seeing the world more in perspective vision. Point made about explaining personal success (why many can't) v learning from failures... Talent v skill ? One is tapping into the principal and draining the account. Where the other is building the principle and living off the interest
You need to have Ryan keeping on your podcast, once you read his story, you won’t regret it! Incredible Canadian born man! The ultimate discussion in my view: Ashley Cain, David Goggins, Alex Hormozzi and Ryan keeping. Ps sorry if I missed anyone. I think having Huberman on the discussion would be interesting as well.
Don't try to control your emotions, control if, when, and how you react to internal and external stimuli. Trying to control emotions after they've been activated will end up suppressing them or something similar. If you simply don't react, there is no emotion to control. We always have the option to either react or not and how to react if we de ide to. The thing is, we we have been trained and trained ourselves to react automatically and in certai ways. We can train ourselves differently.
The whole cost/benefit comparison to decision making and "saving time" and "paring down" and "eliminating the superfluous" makes me sad. It makes me feel like you view life like it's something to be managed and controlled, that every action has to be to justified, (every thought even!) and if found wanting, it must tossed be tossed in the bin with all the other time-wasters. Listen, you're young, and I'm old. You are male, and I am female. You are successful (by the standards of worldly success anyway), and I am not. I get that we are approaching life differently, and that's fine. But you might find, when you are old and gray, that the messy, unrestrained, unplanned time-wasting moments are the ones that you will remember most. Falling in love, having children, cleaning up kid vomit at 3 AM, watching a ridiculously long stage play of Puss in Boots from your kid's kindergarten class, letting Grandma wax poetic (for hours) about how her slim ankles were all the envy of the other ladies at the sock hop. All consume exorbitant amounts of time (not unlike my comment here), none are controllable, none are predictable, and yet, ironically enough, the best wastes of time to be found anywhere. Just promise me that you'll think about it.
False consensus effect is really bad when it comes to relationships and gender differences. He is doing conflict resolution wrong because he wants to solve the problem first/She is doing conflict resolution wrong because she wants to address feelings first. Both parties feel as though the other is in the wrong, because they are measuring their partner by what works for them. In reality both methods work for each of them.
@chriswillx - these talks with Gurwinder are always brilliant. Simple, logical, rational heuristics that are so obviously beneficial (once you hear them 😂) Cheers guys ❤
48:10 that’s what happened with Game of Thrones. Something very bad happened to the character Sansa, and a lot of women freaked out and reacted as if the bad act happened to the actress Sophie Turner. I really think people forget that fictional movies and tv shows aren’t real life. I think thats also why so many men are angry about The Acolyte. They forget that there isn’t a galaxy far away where a coven of witches exist.
To conclude diverse teams are insignificantly better is shortsighted. Those studies that I’ve seen use team dynamics that negate the value of dei in teams. To have diverse team also requires operationally considering significantly different perspectives. Many teams naturally screen out diversity to quickly come to a consensus. Rework team dynamics to get a betterment picture
"Diversity is our strength" is one of those slogans that sounds wise but is actually foolish. The immediate question should be,"Diversity of what?" Diversity of eye color is unlikely to have any influence on anything, while diversity on moral virtue is likely to have a devastatingly negative impact.
I'm not sure I agree with the narcissist one ( Irony ), but this is some I've done a lot, and after a lot of therapy, it turns out this is less about making about yourself and for some it's a way to try and make a connection (common ground), yet comes across very narcissistic.
I like how the example he used of propaganda uses the most harmless politician in the US as opposed to the others who have a giant history of making the country miserable for everyone. Almost like a meta take on his point.
17:25 from a narcissists perspective, wouldn't some of them actually be some of the most interesting and entertaining types of people? The ones most driven to impress? I'm no fan of unearned arrogance, but I'd love to hear Scott Galloway talk about his life experiences, or Mo Salah describe how he trained that shift-left-and-shoot move. It's awesome being outshon if you're not insecure and genuinely interested in the other person. The "all the time" is a key factor. Most people in the "me" culture are a brand because most people are struggling to make ends meet and Tony Robbins told them it was the best approach to achieving your potential with the same effort. On the one hand we coach people to be narcissists, and on the other hand we denigrate them for just brushing the border of narcissism even though they're doing it intentionally by the guidance of the same advisors. This is what makes self help so irritating. Instead of saying "maybe this" and just thinking about it, they say "it is this" then later say "don't do this because this is really that". It's not helpful. We should stop giving lists of turths and start conditioning critical thinking when we hear something that immediately sounds true.
They can be fun in small doses at a suitable level of emotional distance. But they are ultimately extremely needy and will manipulate you in order to get their whims fulfilled.
It’s interesting the topics that the political sides talk about. Often they’re speaking about things that make people angry, but not things that affect us day in and day out. Like how about the poisons in our food in America? it makes me think that the government isn’t concerned about our health and well-being. Of course I’m saying this all gingerly… Because really what I think is that they don’t.
On the topic of diversity, and diverse teams that’s interesting. I’d love to know the specific research of “they”. Yet a bit contradicting in that the guest mentions diversity in his news consumption to gain broader perspectives. Forced diversity is not productive, however, understanding viewpoints from various diverse thoughts and experiences is powerful. Every big podcaster brings on guests with diverse perspectives, hence expanding one’s mind. In think the pendulum has swing too far one direction and now it’s self correcting by swinging too far the other direction. Regardless, it’s an interesting POV I can think more about.
Perhaps... What's interesting about conspiracy language. It's a short hand /in house language. That loses its ability to self check. It's makes in-house references without any need to clarify / define or point back to source of information. It's usually emotional driven/based. As a deliberate means to over rule the intellect. Conspiracy is emotional based storytelling. In other words. It's not about the information. It's about the emotion
Fascinating. Never really considered just accepting a 'package of beliefs' tho. And he is correct, when you subscribe individually to a belief, so that your ideas do not fit into a tribal ideology, you find yourself outside of all the tribes. However, his assertion that the Right is 'against immigration but pro-freedom' is faulty. The Right tends to be pro-LEGAL immigration (as opposed to the crimial chaotic sort) while also pro-freedom...so long as the immigration is vetted, overseen by authority, and organized they are very encouraging of immigration. Very important distinction.
Which part is the amnesty seeking children being separated from their parents and stuffed in cages? Is that the freedom part or the legal immigration part?
1:07:39 I think I get what he's saying but absolutely disagree. Anger at injustice should not be outsourced, particularly not to forces in position to perpetrate that injustice.
I like how he said that it’s a contradiction for conservatives to be against immigration and pro-freedom. Since when are right wingers full on anarchists who don’t believe in borders? Overall good interview, but that was a complete fail. A desperate attempt at both sides’ing
Conservatives would be more laissez-faire about borders if there weren't so many social services and insane laws like anchor babies for illegal immigrants to take advantage of. The policies of the left make border security necessary. In the first half of the 20th century, when law and order was respected and the death penalty was utilized heavily, it was commonplace for people to leave their doors unlocked all day. So I wouldn't say it's inherent in the conservative mindset to be focused on security. We are not fearful people by nature.
To mr.Gurwinder if your microphone is indeed an audio technica at2020 you might be using it wrong. There are many reviews that shows you how to position it. i'm no expert in audio recording but i do own one and record with it so.. yeah.
So instead of trying to make yourself seem more interesting than you are, make the other person seem more interesting than they are. Or, you could just be authentic and honest.
It's me. Flawed baseline here. And yet, I can't seem to help being annoyed by "other". I think they do it on purpose too. You, out there, just admit, OK? Admit that you are annoying and then I can be happy. Until you annoy me again.
Great show mate. You quote people way too often. And now you've done a whole show where you read 14 quotes and then talk about them. Also that mmmm thing you do when someone says something really deep, eliminate that!
