15 Assertive Rights as an Adult (Part 3 of 3)

Подписаться 144 тыс.

Просмотров 8 тыс.

50% 1

Have you ever wondered what constitutes normal thoughts and behaviors for adults? This is part three of a three-part series on normal assertive rules for adults. In this final segment, Jerry Wise discusses rules 11-15 of the 15 assertive rules. Many of us grew up without assertive rights in our family of origin, but we do have emotional rights. Practicing these is essential for self-differentiation. Jerry Wise combines insights from Manuel Smith’s work with his own family systems approach.
Suggested Resource:
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith
HERE'S HOW I CAN HELP YOU👇🏼
🆓 [RECOMMENDED] Access my free training ‘Build the true self you were never allowed to have’- jerrywise.eweb...
🔥🔥🔥 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their life!- www.jerrywiser...
🔥🔥🔥 Coaching packages- www.jerrywiser...
➡️ RECOMMENDED PLAYLISTS:
** Break Free from Narcissistic Parents & Families- • Break Free from Narcis...
** Escape family roles (Scapegoat, hero, golden child, black sheep)- • Escape Family Roles: S...
** Overcome Toxic Guilt & Shame - • Overcome Toxic Guilt &...
** Going No/Low Contact with Narcissistic Family- • Going No-Contact with ...
** Build Your True Self- • Self-Differentiation: ...
🌐 More free resources available on my website:
www.jerrywiser...
➡️ FOLLOW ME:
Instagram: / jerrytwise
Facebook: / jerrytwise
Twitter: / jerrytwise
Spotify: open.spotify.c...
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.
***DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.***

Опубликовано:

21 окт 2024

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 90

@jerrywise Год назад

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

@rebellaire55 8 месяцев назад

"You are not responsible for your parents' lifelong choices." Say it loud for the people at the back!!! Yep, I don't intend to help my ndad in his financial woes. He messed up, then it is up to him to find his way out.

@robertmcgirr401 8 месяцев назад

Thank you Jerry. Im climbing out of the black hole, finally after 70 years of abusive mother.

@sigrid3553 5 месяцев назад

Congratulations! 🥂

@user-et6fw6zc3n 2 года назад

Having the courtesy to share the reason why you are asking a question is NORMAL!!! The freedom in knowing this is priceless. Without it one shouldn't feel obliged to answer a question!!! Hurrah!!! I need to listen to this video 4 more times for all the information to sink in! You are THE MAN JERRY!!! 🙂

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Just put the video on repeat😉 I appreciate you for being part of the community, thanks for the kind words

@jerrywise 2 года назад

@John Boyd I’m glad you’re finding it helpful! Do you remember the exact realization?

@jerrywise 2 года назад

@John Boyd great realization. And you are very welcome, I’m glad you’re finding it helpful. Keep it up🤍

@carolnahigian9518 11 месяцев назад

HOW DARE YOU... askanything?" ( as the youngest I had Zero rights; yeesh!!!"""

@tinachristine4573 2 года назад

You have no idea how your work has helped me and close friends. I literally use your phrases when dealing with nosy or controlling people.

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I’m so happy to hear this, thanks for being part of the community!

@johngraham6729 9 месяцев назад

I have felt guilty passing the Salvation Army donation, too. I choose to help many people-it is ok for me to walk by and not put a few dollars in the pot. It is often better for me to remember who I serve on a daily basis, and not feel guilty for those who I do not help. Thank you Jerry. Your channel has been so beneficial to my life. Thank you for the work you do, and for providing it “at no cost” on RU-vid, it has helped me so much.

@falconbritt5461 23 дня назад

As a gay person, I can tell you the "Salvation" Army wouldn't let me be a bell ringer, to raise money for the poor, because of the anatomy of the person I love. So don't feel too bad about it.

@cheryllinke7254 2 года назад

Whole series is priceless. Took notes. 🙂. Great reminder for people who have troubles with setting/maintaining boundaries. New to channel, enjoying and learning a ton of information. Thank you🙏🏻

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I’m happy you’re finding the information valuable, welcome to the community!

@kitsune7351 2 года назад

I love this series I'm going to watch all 3 parts again in order 😊❤

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I’m glad you loved it!😊

@CS-rb4qi 2 года назад

❤️ the glasses

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Thank you!

@Luckyy227 2 года назад

I highly appreciate this series 👍🏻

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I'm so glad you commented. Thank you for your kind words and for joining the community....

@sheelathomas4862 2 года назад

Thanks you, very mature teaching

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I’m glad you enjoyed it

@doroteyaagayna5714 2 года назад

The whole series is a treasure. Thank you, Jerry!

@jerrywise 2 года назад

You’re welcome, I’m glad you find it helpful

@priyanesan3299 Год назад

Questions triggers me significantly. “ Did you talk to your parents “ - is the number one that triggers me to the core.

@theperfectautumn8781 Год назад

ABSOLUTELY amazing just listening to these many videos and hearing the similarities to your very own family described...as if all narc families were handed the same script to play out. Only the names and faces change, but the identical bad behaviors are re-enacted over and over and over. Also, how most narc family members are "so deep in the forest" (especially so, those pesky, brown-nosing golden child, flying monkeys) that they can't even see the forest for the trees. I (obviously) don't fit into their cult...these families always seem to have to have a scapegoat. "Golden Boy" briefly fell out of Daddy's good graces this summer, BUT has regained his footing again now that I am not complying with our father's current attempted manipulation of me. Father had to re-recruit to Golden Boy to re-instigate the bullying against me. None-the-less, quite entertaining to watch the alliances volley back-n-forth by what's to be gained/lost.

@teresarudolph1256 Месяц назад

That's really sick, and sad, how some toxic parents will make a bargain with one child, allowing them back into their good graces in exchange for that child agreeing to harass / help them to "fix" their "problem child". Not only does that make things worse for the scapegoat child, it also destroys their relationship with that sibling. I'm sorry to hear that that was done to you too.

@theperfectautumn8781 Месяц назад

@@teresarudolph1256 Exactly. Thanks for your kind words and understanding ~

@getnetalemu4427 Год назад

Thank you.

@jerrywise Год назад

You're welcome!

@jujujudio 6 месяцев назад

My narc father msgd me asking if i could fix his fb. I'm working at the time. Due to lack of time & sketchy internet connection, I answered "No" He called me rude. Says he'll never ask for anything again. 🙄 I did not reply. Saying No is ok. First time ever.

@salguzman802 2 года назад

Hey best buddy Jerry this is your buddy Sal Guzman 😉🤗😅😅😏😏❤ Finally, thank you so much for this 3rd version of 1 out of 3 I've been looking forward to this so much thank you so much, my friend keep up the good work you've up to good work. Love sal😏😏😎

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Hey Sal, good to see you here again

@salguzman802 2 года назад

@@jerrywise thank you 😊 🙏 anytime 😊

@teresarudolph1256 Месяц назад

One of my sisters likes to ask me questions, and then talk over me when I'm trying to answer. My mom does this to me sometimes, too. When I get frustrated, and tell my sister that if she's going to ask a question, she needs to be willing to listen to the answer, that it's rude to ask someone a question and then shout over them when they're trying to answer, she says, "It was a rhetorical question. You weren't supposed to answer." What this means is that she thinks she's making a brilliant point about something, something that is always supposed to be shame-inducing, by asking me a "question" that she assumes that I won't be able to answer. So when I start to give her an answer that refutes the point she thinks she's making, she gets angry and scolds me like a naughty little child who has just "talked back" to her. Now, when she asks me a question that is clearly meant to put me on the spot, I ask her if she's asking because she actually wants to know the answer, or if she's just asking me another rhetorical "question" so she can shout over me when I'm trying to answer. This usually brings an eyeroll and a snort from her. But what else can I do?

@adrianadelassereed 2 года назад

I have missed your videos very much. Thank you for coming back. Great video!!! Great help!!!

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Lot’s more to come! Thanks for being part of the community

@desckUgah000 5 месяцев назад

Thank you so much for your work! This video set 1-3 helped comfort me for my choice to tell petsitter that I do not feel comfortable with her substituting her husband to come instead of her without my permission. I said that I hired her not him and she had a conniption fit. lol How dare I assert my right to prefer and be aware of who is in my apartment caring for my animals. 😂

@cheeksmcgill9858 2 года назад

I am going through Assertive Right Number: 14, I soooo needed to hear that. Thank you Jerry from the bottom of my heart.

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Keep it up! Thank you for being part of the community 🤍

@salguzman802 2 года назад

21:16 timestamp. I see this still with my parents although I have finally broken the barrier to not feel guilted by it, although they try to turn up the heat still to try to undo the guiltlessness as my current observation. Sometimes as a result, I can't help but to feel so sorry for them because they look so miserable but, not as miserable as I was feeling at one time, but barely much anymore😇. Thanks to you Jerry, I have finally broke free from a lot of things including that . Thanks so much, you have really been a lifesaver to many of us including me, you well know my dear friend 😏😏😇❤

@jerrywise 2 года назад

It sounds like you’re on the right path, keep it up💪

@salguzman802 2 года назад

@@jerrywise aww thanks best buddy 😇😏😎

@vivere__ 2 года назад

Your video came at the right time. Outstanding.. Thank you

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I’m happy to hear it came at the right time for you❤️

@coachbrian24 2 года назад

Another home run! Thank you so much Jerry.

@jerrywise 2 года назад

You’re very welcome, thanks for being part of the community

@robertmelville318 2 года назад

Wow! amazing information. So well said and understandable. This information is so needed for a lot of people in many situations. Thank you Jerry for making this information readily available. I will go over this video again and probably again=, i know I will pick up more if I do. -i had to stop it the video many times to take notes - thank you once again 😀

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I’m happy you found it informative and helpful. Yes it can be hard to grasp it all at once

@elspethfougere9683 2 года назад

Gosh this one's really hard for me to hear.. Some of its so useful and some of its really challenging, and I'm having trouble imagining a world where people are as detached from each other as that.. I suppose your point is that when you are free to say no you are also free to say yes in a non obligated way.. So cleaning up the demands and unspoken dutys can help people get along more genuinely.. I think I struggle with some of these around values.. Lots to ponder on for sure.. And I'm thankful to hear your ideas, thank you

@user-uj8ls4jc6g 2 года назад

I like the specs Jerry. Very cool my man

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Thank you, i like them too!

@dnk4559 2 года назад

Thank you so much Jerry!

@jerrywise 2 года назад

You are very welcome!

@kareemmohammed5270 2 года назад

really resonated with this again. thanks Jerry, much appreciated as always. your insights are worth more then gold.

@jerrywise 2 года назад

I’m happy it resonated with you, thanks for being part of the community ❤️

@pennyscott8495 2 года назад

Thank you ! You are always helpful! I wish I didn't always have the need to explain everything

@jerrywise 2 года назад

letting go of that wish may be helpful

@pennyscott8495 2 года назад

@@jerrywise 😁 yes sir !!!

@jeeed6390 2 года назад

As usual Jerry delivers pure gold here. Does he do speaking engagements?

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Glad you're enjoying my work. You can email me about speaking engagements jerrywise5@gmail.com

@FollowHereThere 2 года назад

Thank you so much for covering this Jerry, some of these statements truly sound perplexing to me, and that's how I know I need to work on them still! Having just these basic statements to fall back on as mantra help a lot

@jenniferb4118 9 месяцев назад

These are, unfortunately, all very familiar to me. Thank heaven that with my own insight, assisted by you and others who so generously make these free videos, I have learned the healthy opposites to these dysfunctional mindsets!!!

@gayemurphy3271 2 года назад

Thank you thank you thank you ♥

@jerrywise 2 года назад

You are very welcome!

@karenherrera287 3 месяца назад

Thank you for your insight regarding obsessing and worrying. It was helpful.

@jerrywise 3 месяца назад

Glad it was helpful!💛

@MrSuperbluesky 2 года назад

Thank you

@jerrywise 2 года назад

You’re very welcome

@andyk8993 9 месяцев назад

Wow, great points! Thank you for your videos. They have been very helpful to me. I especially value your scripts of what to say in your hypothetical situations. I would appreciate hearing more script examples from a professional like you bc I have a very hard time thinking of good healthy responses.

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x 2 месяца назад

Thank you 🙏

@mariag5201 9 месяцев назад

I read when I say no I feel guilty, 20 years ago, and it works for normal relationships but I think many people just don't get it...

@MrsWanderingWife 2 года назад

💯

@jerrywise 2 года назад

🙌🏼😊

@theperfectautumn8781 Год назад

Good grief...if only we could choose our family.

@Nick-cs5yc 4 месяца назад

Yield to the group ( mob )??? Negative, I will not!!

@fairygurl9269 2 года назад

✌😄💞

@jerrywise 2 года назад

🙌🏼😊

@thespiritualadvocate 2 года назад

Hi Jerry, ⚠️Can you do a video on how one can deal with when a narc parent uses another parents illness to lure the no contact adult child back by saying “ he could die.” The adult child has gone no contact and all flying monkeys are calling concerned that if the parent dies he will regret it. Both parents are narcs, the fr a covert narc, the mom a combination of many narcs. The fr has been a depressed man for years, he guilts the son out and makes him feel resp for his pain, the mother rages and blames the fiance (me) for all this. We are both empaths needing no contact from this as its been 4 years of damage to our relationship of them trying to break us up and not listen to his son that hes happy with me. How does one help the person being guilted out. My fiance needs no contact as he is very angry at both parents and is trying to find his own mind and psyche without their programming. He fears on the other hand he will regret this should something happen. What are his options? Thank you!! The father is not on deaths door, when he had heart surgery over the summer they told him he had to come home and live permanently to help his dad, this was a lie, but they all worked on his psyche and it almost worked. He saw they were all liars and they admitted their plans to break us up, once he saw this, he saw the real them and knew all along he was right to have moved away years ago.

@jerrywise 2 года назад

Sounds very complicated. I recommend going through this following playlist of videos of mine which focuses on narcissism and dealing with narcissists ru-vid.com/group/PLoYQTW09i3W1P83VpgMeAdJR-iTVnMPIA

@thespiritualadvocate 2 года назад

Thank you, Your work helped me put a narc sister in her place at Christmas. All you suggested worked. I remained calm and kept the script. The narc acted like a 10 year old leaving the table, refusing to eat, asking her dinner be served in a separate room. We all ate at the table and her daughter said to me, my mother is Narcissist and apologized to me for her. I frequent your work, I will look into your link. With that said, the narc is taking this a bit too far with implanting guilt death messages to get a response, hopefully your content addresses this specific content of emotional extortion to a whole other level. Thanks Jerry.

@ease_flow 9 месяцев назад

Can someone type out the key points? This video is pretty long wnded, sub headings listing each assertive right in the video would be nice.

@shhtha 2 года назад

Did you still need that music? 🙂

@jerrywise 2 года назад

@shhtha 2 года назад

@@jerrywise You asked me once in your comments if I would be interested in making music for you

@leungkamhong Год назад

❤🙏Thank you Jerry for your most kind sharing of your hard-earned WISDOM of the 15 vitally important ASSERTIVE RIGHTS for our well-being & protection. I have just listened to 'Part 3 of 3' and created the full TIMESTAMPS for my future reference which I am hereby sharing in my sincere hope to be of humble assistance in helping to spread your words of WISDOM to help fellow fans, followers, 'PERPETUAL LEARNERS OF LIFE', .... who have the great fortune to have discovered YOU as our beloved & trusted COACH, MENTOR, TEACHER ..... Assertive Rights 11, 12, 13, 14 & 15: 11 (5:10) Right Not To Answer Question 12 (11:26) Right To Have Your Own Negotiable & Non-Negotiable Preferences 13 (16:11) Right Not To Worry About Others While Still Caring For Them Or About Them 14 (19:55) Right To Refuse To Help Even If You Can 15 (24:03) Right To Say No & Feel Guilt-Free & It Does Not Reflect On Me In A Moral Way ru-vid.comgaming/emoji/7ff574f2/emoji_u1f604.png