Overcome Narcissist Aftermath: Your Grief is Shared Fantasy, too! 

It’s beyond a death because it’s a shocking realization that the person you loved never even existed. Thanks for this video.

It took me 3 years to mourn and go through the stages of grief. Sadly, there were very little people around me that understood me or wanted to support me. Some people even blamed ME for the abuse claiming that I was stupid, naive etc. Even psychologists could not really help me with my grief. Only time helped me.

I could not get over the “shape shifting”, “fits you like a glove” description. My ex narcissist used to do something called “the octopus” where he would completely cover me with his body and, literally, move over every part of me like a “second skin”. It was intoxicating because I was so in love with him and I felt absolutely that we were becoming one. I can recall him holding my face and staring into my eyes with tears streaming down his face and professing such undying love for me. Such idealization! I recall him presenting me with 2 8x10 sheets of paper covered with positive adjectives and telling me I was every single one of them. He tattooed my name on his pelvis. And I fell for all of it. And he emotionally tortured me, devalued and discarded me over and over again for 17 years. My life became a nightmare. I am still in the process of “skinning myself” to get out of this and I hope I make it out alive.

Nobody wants to be around a grieving person and the grieving person tends to isolate himself because he is ashamed of his prolongued grief. Grief is not accepetd in the society. "You should pull yourself together and move on as quyickly as possible"! Grief is considered to be a weakness and a flaw of character. I heard some people say to me "You just enjoy the state of grieving, you don't want to come out of it".

"Accepting the demise of the shared fantasy is one of the most traumatic imaginable human experience" : Thank you mr Vaknin. Really, honestly, gratefully THANK YOU.

I feel like I died but I am walking around watching my body exist. This is pain like I have never experienced. Thank You Sam. I am holding on to " you will be ok"...Oh God I hope that is true.

Griefing something and someone you lost that you never had, tolerating all this pain by being tortured by an illussion, my someone who never saw you, loved you or acknowledged your pain or the sacrificies you were willing to make for them just to be faced with a stranger, a horrible dirty aftermaths and left with nothing but bleeding wounds and no single nice memories, as they were all fake. The only REAL thing was your own pain and thats all what you are left with, while the person you had so much emphathy for moves on to suck the life out of the nect supply claiming on social media he was never happier!

Who I had to become to accommodate HIM! 😢 The depression is real 😢 The self inflicted betrayal is real 😢 The numbness 😢 The loneliness 😢 The trauma bond😢

I am going through this right now. This process is the closest thing to feeling crazy that I could ever imagine. It is a lonely process that I battle daily. Thank you for this information. I am working so hard to overcome

The day after I had planned on ending my life I met her. I was skeptical but I quickly fell for her. Pure euphoria. On the day I said I would end my life instead we were in my apartment laughing and dancing and kissing on the couch. She looked in my eyes and said “you make my soul smile, I love you, and I hope you kiss me the same way when we grow old together.” That’s the moment I knew I was in love, and for the first time I said “I love you” to someone else. I thought I had found my person. Then the devaluation and discard began. I was right in a way. A part of me did die that day. But I’m free from the torture she inflicted on me and I’m learning how to enjoy life again

This was so healing! I finally understand the bizarre dynamics. Every single word you said was exactly what happened to me. I think the hardest part was how euphoric i felt in the shared fantasy. He woke up parts of my soul i never knew existed. We would lock eyes and he would tell me "its all ok now Michele, your safe with me" I will love you and take care of you forever". I melted into his body and never felt so loved. My childhood wounds where finally healed for those years until devaluation emerged gradually. I spent 11 years in this confusion and he never discarded me or hoovered. Just long long silent treatments, moving away, blocking me. But i always begged to work it out. I even offered friendship as long as we could still be connected. I begged him with my life to not shut me out and he said ok and i remained in the fantasy. He was slowly disconnecting and i felt it. I panicked and told him im moving on please dont call me anymore. He said ok. Its been several months and im getting stronger everyday. No more abuse, no more confusion. I have a long road but i never want back into his world.

Thank you Dr. Vaknin. The others may steal your ideas, but you are the only one, the original. You have saved so many lives, including mine, thank you.

I felt someone else sharing my mind with me around 8 months after meeting him. I told him. I cried in front of him feeling I was losing control. I thought that person in front of me cared for me but I was looking at the devil’s eyes.

I’ve been binging your videos every day for the last few months since my breakup, and they have given me more clarity than anything I’ve read or listened to. And this video specifically has helped me more than any of your other videos. It is SUCH a lonely experience, because almost no one in my life has experienced this and fully understands what I mean when I try to describe it. The mental torment is unbearable. The loss of sense of self is acute. The depression and hopelessness nearly overwhelming. Thank you for simply reflecting my reality back to me.

The irony is when I met him he insisted I immediately give him a picture of me and my daughter. I thought it was sweet. Now I wish I'd never met him and could erase the last 24 years of HELL!

Oh I'm in the depression phase... my hollowness is swallowing me up! I drive my car at night for a good long hour looking at couples or families together, and wonderimg what was wrong with me! Why didn't he love me as others did! Why didn't he hold on me as others would do!? And now i know these are the wrong questions... My loneliness is cutting through my body and heart! I can almost feel it like a blunt knife through my ribs. He robbed 5 precious years and walked over my dead body and coldly threw it at my face: you can live your life now! Mission accomplished!... Can this much cruelty ever exist! Why do these people exist at all? They are worse than wars and hurricanes, worse than deadly viruses and plagues! They kill one's soul alive! You live dead. You're literally deadly alive!!!!

Let out a sigh of relief listening to your introductory comments, Dr Sam. Realized almost immediately that I could walk off the narcissistic set. No need for tedious explanations, no questions, no interrogations, no hurt feelings. It’s just over. The play is over. Drop the curtain. His fantasy & my fantasy … done. What a terrific feeling of freedom to walk out of the cage, out of the mental prison. And to see my part in all of this craziness? It only makes sense so actually there is no one to blame. We both played our roles very well even though he acted like the director in charge of an asylum. An asylum he constructed while handing over to me my script, my role … which I tried to follow line by line. Thing is that he’s crazy and I’m crazy. He may want to continue the story but I’m tired of the fantasy. Just plain ol’ tired. What’s really neat is that there’s no one to blame! It’s been a shared fantasy, something we both constructed. Think I’ll just go take a nap now. What a sweet sense of release. Thank you, Dr Sam, thank you for giving me the keys that unlocked the doors of my shared delusion. Te agradezco ❤

A person suffers - the grief - and it is because it is they want to avoid responsibility for their own life. They have become discouraged by an abusive individual. They need courage, something the narc can not ever have. Narcs are about power. "normal" people have courage and become ENcouraged or DIScouraged. Once a person begins to become responsible for their own life their courage will build.

Grief is real even if the fantasy is not.

"Breaking up with a narcissist is like skinning yourself alive." So horrible and true that I belly laughed. Someone please make this quote into a meme. 😂

After understanding, it was abuse and not love. It was tough to cry it out as love. I felt disconnected from my previous thoughts after breaking that trauma bond. Those gestures and words which felt sweet when I thought it was love. It felt betrayal and manipulation. With at most difficulty I processed those feelings. Writing helped a lot.

This Doctor is such a blessing to humanity!

I think you can grieve what you never had - even though there was no "real" relationship the breakup can help you face those original losses that drove the trauma bond in the first place.

So eye opening! I did not understand this was a shared fantasy. I recognized abusive behavior, but unsure why it was so much more complicated. Im in extreme pain. You are right. It is horrible. Terrifying 😢

This is so true. It was a photograph of me with a triangle over my head as his screen saver that he said he needed to do some adjusting to. It didn't make sense but now it does. From viewing every item of clothing prior to meeting to planning how I'd wear my hair. He made me what he wanted. My fault I fell into the trap. It was hell when I didn't conform to whatever he wanted. It was a nightmare! The grief & mourning is real. Eventually after he was established in this Country, he said he no longer loved me. I went gray rock and finally divorced him after 5 years of marraige, the last 2 just living under the same roof. Thank you for this! I will never be the same again. I break off all the soul ties in the name of Jesus.This is so messed up. Nobody understands why I keep mourning this. There's no closure and that's a hard concept to grasp. I will never go thru this again.

It’s ironic actually, that when we meet them, we believe we finally met the person who sees us the way we are, the way always wanted to be seen, only to have to face the reality, that we will jump through any hoop they hold out, no matter how foreign-feeling, or how much they require us to violate our “own morals”. The reality of adhering to the snap-shot fantasy that is not even you, is mentally consuming. I now see, I was always Perfect, not because of him, but because there is only 1 me, and only I know what makes me feel safe, happy and free. Getting out and physically away from that unreal idealized version he created was so necessary. I forced myself to remember my mind set the day before I ever met that person. I existed before I met him, and I continue to exist without his nonsense and negativity. The stress of being with them could never be described. And again, I hope you all come to realize the Perfect Person you are and have always been, because of You, not them. The day before you met them…….be the person you have always been and you will find your Happy Self🙏🏼

I come back to your videos as soon as I find myself delving in past (shared fantasy)..... It really helps and gives an instant reality check..... The mind is something which has no control.... One has to keep control over emotions with help of knowledge and sharp understanding.... Or the mind can drag one to dark places.... At such times, revisiting your videos help. Ones brain has to be a strict master of ones mind. This has helped me so far. Don't know the rest....

I'm at either denial or depression... Or even more i feel like I'm going through all stages simultaneously. I'm losing my mind. I'm saying out loud that I'll never ever go back to his abuse... But i don't feel anything when i say it. Those words are empty. I'm betraying myself in the worst possible way... No self preservation instict.

This is amazing and every word is a truth I have come to know. I have said goodbye to the person i was but I am still here and building from the ground up. The professor has been one of the biggest helps in this slow recovery.

Aloha🌺 from Kona Hawaii🌋 I’ve been educating myself daily for over one year now, listening to your lectures, and slowly, but surely I’m healing now that I know that I’ve been married to a narcissist for 29 years, and that there was nothing that I could have done to change this individual, and it had nothing to do with me. I have three grown adults with this individual going through a divorce right now and let me tell you it is mind. F*^%ery just craziness, and it doesn’t help that it was a police officer for the first nine years of our relationship then it became a sheriff officer, and now it’s an officer of land and natural resources, and so it knows how to work the system, and the law. here in Hawaii everything is half/half 50%.. it’s been over a year now and it knows how to drag the process you would think it would want to move on with its life with its next new intimate partner/victim that it was grooming for the last three years before my break down, discard… but nope it’s punishment and misery… it is so hard to find a lawyer attorney, who understands narcissism. And it doesn’t want to sell our home. It agreed to pay me out half of what our home is worth. But I doubt I’ll get anything because it Hass to refinance and over the years. I had to do everything adult around our home. I can’t imagine having to do all of this. Our home was beautiful once, but it has turned into a pig pen because it hoarded a lot of crap over the years and if I threw anything away, it would give me the silent treatment sometimes for a couple months, anyway I could go on and on I wish I had a lot of money so that I could hire you to be my attorney or at least just to talk with you in person but I guess that is magical thinking on my part (ha! I’m chuckling to myself) anyway, thank goodness for you, for sharing your knowledge with all of us Babetts & Guyettes ha! I like that we can learn and laugh at the same time🙂 Love & aloha AGAIN! Thank you……jody

There is something very interesting about this snapshot explanation that make me think of dating apps and how everyone there have pictures of their ideal selfs and how the first interaction is with these pictures and descriptions.does it mean that the beginning of such interactions are like a shared fantasy 😅

Over and over my therapist told me "Mourn the loss of the mother you never had". It took 3 months for me to process that. I was so angry. That was 10 years ago. Mim, (not a mom) has since died. The trauma didn't die with her.

I am at this point. i am in tears listening to this podcast. He left 10 years ago, i grieved for 7 years! his words were in my head. We never divorced , hope and his flying monkey mother contributed to this. I started feeling ME again, and He came BACK for 2 months , I went through the whole textbook cycle! he went back to the other woman, leaving me feel small, humiliated and angry at myself.. again. I will allow the grief. I was fighting it, trying to be strong. I need to find other people, who understand , I can trust myself to tell anyone my humiliation again. My physiatrist just medicates.. I need nature, get him out of my head.

"Ok bunnies and bunnets" ...what a sweet and humourous person you are professor!! Thank you for helping so many people who were ignorant about narcissism and were suffering patiently in silence..

This would have to be the best information out there about recovering from narcissist abuse . Thank you Pro Vaknin for this episode🙏🏻

There is not in the whole you tube a better explanation for the whole situation of the disaster you feel because of a relationship with a narcissist. It makes all so clear. Sam, you are our rescuer, I lived for decades in the darkness of the unknown. Knowledge is POWER , but only the RIGHT Knowledge. Thank you for everything, you are the first and the last and it's a pity that not everyone knows about you and your amazing work in the narcissism. You initiated so many things and all the rest experts should first spelling your name with attention and honor. SAM VAKNIN first, narcissism best expert and inventor and then their bla bla bla. Sorry for my English, I am from Greece, I am a scientist and I can totally recognize your uniqueness Mr Vaknin.

The worst pain I’ve been through, but definitely being able to talk to friends really helps me and although I don’t always talk as much as I should, my mind clears once I’ve done it.. for a while anyway!

It's embarrassing to admit that Vaknin's lectures and excerpts have helped me safely exit more than one narcissistically cursed dynamic. I purposely don't call them relationships anymore, to remind myself none of it was real. It felt real to me - but so do dreams, hallucinations and psychotic states, while you're in them. I have nothing to show for but misdirected anger, distrust, ruined friendships and a tainted reputation, not to mention the ineffable self-destructive cravings ever since the breakup. Since I no longer have a devil on my back, I tend to my own masochism by making bad choices that don't involve bringing the killed-off character back to (my) life 😂 The breakup itself is easy if compared to the uncomfortable commitment of never contacting them again, amidst the hurricane of feelings we're left with. Thank you Sam Vaknin for dedicating so much content to the aftermath of The Falseman Show. It's insulting how similar the shared fantasy's script is for everyone here, but it sure helps us feel less broken and alone.

oh my god , u totally nailed it .. breaking up with my narc felt like my soul had ripped out of my body

Everytime I start to doubt my limits, I come to your channel and it just works like wonders; never been able to connect with other content creators about this topic that romanticize every bit of data, you clearly know what you're talking about - not because you're a professional but because you explain so simply the logic behind it all, from childhood trauma to adult chronic behaviors

Trying so hard not to text him. Only 5 months "together ", but he hijacked my mind. He has knocked the wind right out of me. It's all making sense listening to you Professor Vaknin. ❤

What a treasure to humanity you are Sam. Thank you for all you do ❤

You are an absolute genius, Professor. Thank you SO much for all of this information.

I'm just so relieved he is gone ...and I am free to live my life. 😅 Sure there are sad moments. But the worst parts were when he was still around. Now every day is sweet and better day by day. Thank you for your videos.

Abused for a shortwhile close to a year but the aftermath of it is taking forever to get over,Its like I have been abused a min ago damn.

I think this is Sam's kindest message. Thank you. I agreed to many points aloud like a sermon. I admit and agree it is my own fantasy that died and I feel unalive without it and him. My experience was only a couple months and I want to be honest and admit, I am foolishly so jealous of people who had the fantasy for many years or who got repeatedly hoovered. I know, the narrative SHOULD be I was stronger willed, so I didnt 100% comply and so it ended sooner as sucessfully poor supply. Some time has passed with friends poorly understanding this devastating experience, myself too, until I found your youtube. I am wiser today due to this knowledge. I owe it to myself to live and spread this knowledge.

😮mourning something that never existed 💡

"You fall in love with the way the narcissist sees you". This really helps in understanding mirroring. It's not even a real mirror, is it?

Why is this man the only one to make sense?! I want to learn under him!

Madeleine here (Nigel is my deceased hubby - after him I landed a Covert Narcissist!). Sam Vaknin you are a Genius! My psychotherapist is most impressed too! You have almost single-handedly saved me from Narcissistic Abuse! I am Loving this latest one, as I was discarded (for the second time) in March. It’s true! I’m grieving my Idealised Self. I don’t LIKE my Idealised Self. It isn’t ME. My mother had CN traits and hence I have swung from feeling Special to Worthless all my life. Neither are the Real Me. Hey Sam I almost could say my ex covert narcissist did me a big favour. At last I can see my Idealised Self is no more real than the (co-dependent) Worthless One!

I lived in a shared fantasy and the grief is a shared fantasy. I feel as if I lived in some sort of Matrix. It's very dark to think about it. The bright side is all of it was just a hallucination. I dreamed for 31 years.

I listen to you all the time. This has been most impactful on my journey…based on the stages, which I did not know, I am almost out of it but you have validated EVERYTHING I have went thru and experienced in my soul. Thank you Professor Sam🙏

Dear Prof Vaknin, u are of great service to humanity. This is by far the best lecture on narcissistic abuse-the truth of it and how to heal from it that I have ever come across. ❤

This is the best RU-vid video I have ever watched! Thank you so much. I've been feeling so lost - I can now see there is hope.

I have been listening to your videos for about a year. This is the most vulnerable and empathetic lecture I have heard from you. Deeply resonating with your openness and humility. Thank you very much!

Nobody understands as well as you Sam ! I feel listening to you I have become my own therapist! Thankyou ❤

I am a painter. After i met my narc i started painting faces with no face. One of this in the chest had a rogthen hear. In one of oir breaks ups i painted a demonic like creature with pointy teeth eating its own flesh, hands and legs and vomiting them in a pool of blood... This is how much the pain was.. Fits exactly to the "skin yourself alive" Metaphor... After him i stopped painting.. I am afriad the beings that will emetge... The colours seem to have no colour no more... I used to write poems.. Feelings and words cannot be expressed... Ita thia void that now only exists... Recently i went to therapy... What i said to the dr was. "I just want to be again... I want to be alive... She asked you are not? I said one that wals on auto and eats in autonis not alive.. Its just living"... Zombie mode... Slowly i am gettin out of it... Today i went to the market with no panic attack... Proud of myself... " Guves a pat on her shoulder and hug 🤗'" ❤if anything i am learning to slowly love myself back.. Andntey to embrace the new me coming... Old me dead and burried... Screaming and mourning in my sleep... Buy slowly it fades away... Love yourself people... I slowly learn to do that... ❤

This is medicine for me and gives me hope as I’m “skinned alive” Thank You ❤

It's so sick. that these people are allowed to have children; I thought as a teenager certain people shouldn't be parents...Now looking closer at the lost years that I'm glad I left the sickness.

This has been the best video I’ve watched to help overcome this living hell…thank you!

This is very much the path I have forged over the last year and I can vouch that this is the way to peace and freedom from attachment, and recognising self love.

I had this experience in my life and its effect to my emotional life. Thank you so much Dear Professor ❤

Thank you for your wise counsel. You lectures are healing me day by day ❤

Thank you so much for the video. You nailed what I'm going through to a tee. It's good to know that what I am feeling is normal and all part of the process. Thank you again.

This video really hit me hard- thank you professor Sam, this touched me in so many ways. Thank you!!🙏🙏

"943 videos"... 😂 Thank you, Professor Dr Sam Vaknin. Respect and love from India.🙏

I two weeks since coming across your videos I have learnt so much. With every video of yours that I watch, the fog keeps being lifted and clarify is coming. I'm now making sense of the madness. I have since unsubscribed from all the youtue videos that left me with more questions than answers. I will take on board your very wise counsel.

Professor Vakin you really helped me with this one. I really needed to hear this as I work through the stages of my grief. Thank you

I just watch your video. Amazing how describes all that happened to me. Thank You! ❤

So deep and so true. Thank you professor for all this philosophy, it is very helpful for me in this complex journey of grief and loss.

This is amazing! I want to try to live after that video! Thank you very much

Thank you so much for the work you do 🙏🏽🙏🏽

This channel has come to me at the right time

What a sweet and caring talk. Just what I needed tonight. Many thanks.

Your work is invaluable.

This is something out of this world,am full of regrets.

The dismal shared fantasy😢

Thank you for helping me understand what i am going through, i still have to deal with the abuser because of finances and it is total hell but at least i can comfort mysef better. I am in the anger stage bur trapped which makes me angrier

Thank you Prof. Sam Vaknin.

Thank you Prof for helping me to understand and make sense of what i am experiencing.

Gosh, Thank you so much Dr. Vaknin!!!

This video is great because it pretty much sums up the entire cycle with the narcissist with emphasis on the end. The need to grieve the narcissist is so real. I love that you give Kubler Ross credit for her theory of stages of grief. Unfortunately many recent, most likely narcissistic researchers have been criticizing her theory. Sure it needed some tweaking and I love the addition of hope, but to criticize her is a shame. Thank you for this and all of your amazing videos!

Thank you for this video. I really needed it.

This explains so much! I think it's one of your best videos. I also appreciate your kind advice for moving forward.

I laughed for several minutes after having read this video title. It is hilarious in a morbid way, my intuition that this tittle spoke truth

Thank you for this talk. it is very helpful to understand. I always felt I was just caught up in lies.

How interesting your comparison of a narcissist to a black hole, and talk of super novas was. I know a narcissist who on several occasions, proudly have called himself a black hole, who gobble up stars and other inferior material. He also enjoys seducing women and then relish in their devastation and humiliation, when he tells them he is gay and it’s all been a lie. A fantasy

You have so much insight. The way you explain the different phases etc matches my experience with him. It seemed as if he went into the delusional phase after failing to get a career he had been bragging about. . I admit I miss the fantasy because I had never experienced someone I felt had common interests and how we related at times . As you said it is dangerous as the last time I saw him he flipped out while I was driving him in my car and suddenly he punched me about 10 times in the head. I stopped the car and had to work diligently to get out of the vehicle. Two women intervened and offered him $20 to get out saying he didnt want to go to jail..He said he desired jail and had been voicing that other times..He has been out of my life for 5 months now. I hear he is not in good shape and has charges of Criminal Trespass 2 and Criminal Mischief 2 with 3 contempt of court charges. I still feel sad at times but have accepted the loss. Looking back it was a very brutal existence most times we met up. Thank you for what you do! Also his FB profile has a black hole. I turned him on to your talks a ehile before we parted.

You're a brilliant man. Thank you

Thank you Sam.

I had not shared one single tear for weeks and felt absolutely horrible. Horrible. Beyond horrible. As I watched this lecture I felt as if I was sitting in front of you professor Vaknin and as you approached the reality, the detail, the shared fantasy being a lie, and more, I just began to feel the tears flow. I thank you for that. It is hard to hear but it was the only video or content or lecture that had such helpful information. You are an incredibly intelligent man and you have helped so many people. Thank you. It was a harsh reality check but, it was the first time I cried and understood what was and what was not part of my experience.

Professional Empath Professor Vaknin, you always adress my important topics. XD Yesterday I heard you mention the autism aspect again, right when I thought, I still can´t figure out if this topic is present in me or my family of origin or not and that it feels so close that it can be mistaken for each other in specific constellations. And now you´re talking about grief, grieving shared fantasies. I guess delayed grieving and solving complex trauma caused by ongoing enmeshment is one of my personal topics, and as the exhausted escapegoat I´ll have to do it alone. Not easy at all to even find the safe state to do this. In the past I cried so much alone already, but it never really seemed to be my own grief, it was those of my family who simply have handed me.

I am going through this at the moment. To put it in context, i'm married and have a family. I am a true Mother. I met a man online, and we seemed to hit it off straight away, i know some people didn't seem to like him much and i couldn't understand why. He was so friendly, funny, caring. I'm ashamed to say his 'love bombing' got the better of me for a time, but the more boundaries i set the more he took no notice. It got to the point that we either sex texted or we didn't speak, and I finally finished it 9 weeks ago. I was fine to start , but then it hit me, he was like 'the son' i never had and i mentioned to a friend who just laughed. Now I realize it's what he was, and he was my own mother' who had passed away at the same age i might add that he was. I wonder how the 'dual mothership' works if the he knows you are a true Mother. The last thing I ever said to him 'I love you unconditionally as a friend, but my family mean more to me and I wouldn't want to lose them' He was fine to start, then told me , eight hours later that 'i knew how to hurt' and he blocked me. I just wanted to be friends but i now see that he saw that as rejection. I miss him every day. And yes please judge me, i know what i did was wrong.

The Twilight Zone theme 😊 . I use that expression. I watched that series in the 1960's. Your introductions are so darn entertaining. Ok, back to watching video 🌲

Thank you for the quality information. I searched but could not find that you had any videos on the difference between borderline and bipolar. As someone with BPII, I would love to see this because from what I understand, BP is a common misdiagnosis for someone with BPD. Thanks again!

Sage and comprehensive!

Sam, I love your style. Keep up the good work. It took me 8 yrs (reverse discarded her 3 months ago and went no contacts; I gave her time to promote a new primary supply b/c I didn’t want her to be suicidal, that scared me; she told me she tried once with pain killers before I met her; that she used to cut herself) to find your education. She caught me, but sub-consciously, I recked her because of my strong sense of self and found myself behaving in ways and things you describe (like, how to break their mental image, their tactics and strategies); she couldn’t break me because I was using her. I didn’t discover your/ these narc videos until after we broke up; yours are by far the best! The other videos are third class. If you like contact me, I’ll let you know how it all went down. I met her in law school ( we took the same classes) as a rebound relationship, she targeted me, and I thought I was King Kong and I could do anything, until I found out there was something called a narcissist. Humbled. I want to actually thank her for making me a true monster now; I have ultimate self awareness. But you’re right, I have problems trusting anyone now and think most people are narcissists. So thank you and your humor, both are first class. But please dude, use the pronoun, her. Times have changed. As men simp and woman become men, the shift should be recognized. In fact, I am waiting for a female Sam Vaknin to come forward sooner than later.

When you mention the stages of grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross I feel so sad... because my mother knew these stages. She began to work in our local hospice that opened in 1995, shortly after my father died at an age of 48 from lung cancer. She did the education program for senior caretakers and after that was instantly employed by the old female boss who build this hospice from nothing, they really liked each other I think and I´m happy about every positive contact she had. But my mother couldn´t see me growing up and she couldn´t grief even though she told me that she is long done with grieving, when I finally dared to ask her. She said, she did that when she cared for my father and probably also while she cared for other dying people. I had to very very hurtfully find out, figuring out myself that nothing like this happened. That my mother simply took my own brother as a spouse surrogate to avoid every emotion, to move on like nothing has happened. She does this until today in some way. Even when she had ONE clear moment after a rehab and she told me that the people there had done this family Aufstellung with her and she was able to see how she abused my brother and she cried, she abused me once more without even realizing what she´s doing there when she lookd right through me as if I was someone who had no connection with her, just some random person who happened to be in her livingroom in our house (that I had finally left only weeks before because I realized I would die when I stayed). There is this I think wellknown spiritual text by Desiderata "Geh Deinen Weg ohne Eile und Hast.." She once tried to quote only the beginning for me two times and failed each time so that it turned into go your way without "Heile" (healing you could say). I could have cried like a dog and I think I did when I was back in my room alone. 😭😭🙈🙈

Thank you!

This is heavy 🎉