15 SIGNS YOU HAVE CPTSD (COMPLEX PTSD) | DR. KIM SAGE 

Thank you ❤

Thank you!

Thank You

Wow

Thank you❤

🐈 meow

I recently realized that isolation has been my coping mechanism since childhood too. I used to think I was just an odd loner who would never fit in, but now I see how my isolation and dissociation have created additional hurt to myself and others. I’ve ruined so many relationships over the years with these “coping” behaviors. I’m so thankful to Dr. Sage, and others here on YT, for helping me learn and heal!

Candace, you sound like you would have been the perfect friend for me as a child. I was a "wanderer", forager child as well. Living in our own make-believe world where it didn't hurt. I'm 65 now and still kind of live there...

Oh YES! LIKE YOU & the others who've commented, I grew up then, on a farm. I hung out with the horses, cats and dogs! I took a flat head screw driver & hammer, and chiseled into the wood beams in our barns, "I Sheila, LOVE HORSES, CATS AND DOGS, MORE THAN PEOPLE"! I'd look at that in My older years and still could FEEL Why I had done it...I still can FEEL IT! Nobody will believe that I will still check out to be alone today! I'm known for being very social and was a very successful Sales rep! But I really related to you and the other people who responded to your statement! ❤

Wow! I used to walk the fields on our farm too- it’s amazing that so many of us coped this way

That makes a lot of sense to me. I can't fully relax until everyone in the house is either gone or asleep. I'm too conscious of them being conscious of me, if that makes sense

@Leipziger Gnom Yessss that makes sense!

I totally relate to both of you! I've been a sahm(homeschooling, w narc husband) for 20 years since my teens and never getting a second alone is killing me(among other things). I feel like such a bad mom bc I want/need my kids to sleep in just so I can taste the silence at sunrise for a split second but I also know that if I don't get that time, I really will be a bad mom all day. I often just want to run away but unfortunately there's just nowhere to run😔

@Rachel Bee I don't think that makes you a bad Mom, that just makes you human with needs. It sounds like you could use a Mom vacation away from the husband and kids

I know you probably don't feel you want to or can't, but a walk in a park is wonderful. You can survive this !! I also understand l need my time alone and still do many decades after . X

Especially if your father was one of your bullies when you were a young child. Like me.

@@JustForFun-mt9og yeah that’s for sure not talked about enough either :(

As a person who suffered bullying from 3yo with it becoming relentless throughout the 5 years of high school, I agree. Other traumas such as sexual assault pale into insignificance in terms of long-term impact on me when compared to bullying.

The entire world probably has PTSD after the bullying to have. The vaccine.

I had two narcissistic parents, bullied at primary and high school, and sometimes at work. Now I have no friends, no family, never married no kids.

If you go back to a younger time with your present knowledge about your CPTSD, would you want to have kids? I’m 40 years old, by far no marriage no kids, because I didn’t have a good childhood time, and I’ve always thought my children will suffer the same way.

What I’ve learned is we are not our parent so the outcome and results of raising kids is completely different. My kids have everything I didn’t. That’s just saying they have a mom and dad that support them, care and love them very much. If I do nothing else in this life but destroy the generational narcissism in our family then in my mind I will have succeeded.

@@k.f.9875 I wanted children. But bc I am in a toxic relationship for many years, I believe my body rejected having a child. The stress alone can really impact me. I am trying to release patterns from my Mom and this person. I find building a support system is the hardest. I now have tardive dyskinesia from being on antidepressants. So that adds to the isolation.

I too decided not to have kids... and I have 2 of them. (I thought I would adopt children who were already "stuck" here! But ... I had the shocks of my life and two teens now! So now my goal is to do everything different than was done w me. So they will likely have DIFFERENT problems, but at least not the same ones I battle. ❤

For me, it was never getting married. As an adolescent, I used to tell my friends that I wanted the wedding but not the marriage. My parents were narcs, I thought that marriage would slowly kill me.

Gosh you could be writing about me! Just out of curiousity, do you know your enneagram type? I am an investigator and love living in my mind. My social anxiety, caused by childhood Cptsd has impacted every part of my life except for my alone time.

@@Yearofthetiger24026 No I don't. I think a big issue with tests is that I was trained to act in an extroverted manner in certain situations by my Narcissistic parent, but I'm basically an introvert. They punished me when I put on the wrong act so the situational questions often asked on these tests get conflicting answers. I have no problem lecturing to a large or small group. I was a professor. But ask me to hangout with a group of 2 or more people socially and I won't. On the Meyers Briggs scale I tend to score between multiple types. Because outward behavior is inconsistent so are the types. What is real and what is a learned behavior to certain situations?

Ditto

This is such a good summary , I'm the same !!

90% of my personality is a response to trauma 🤯 I identify with ALL of that

you have a nice name

I hope you write a book

💔🙏🏾🤗

Yes--I get it. I used to go on service calls to homes for my company,and around the time of Thanksgiving and the holidays,I would hear families interacting with their relatives and all the happy chatter,smell the turkey cooking,and all of that.Then go home to the fighting and screaming.

Anyone else had a mother growing up who ruined holidays. Set up others (me) to make it look like “it “( whatever made up crap she could point to) had reached an intolerable state, and used these moments take away promises, earned rewards, or stop the celebrations? I still remember her setting me up with taking away a huge earned reward and announcing with that crazy smile on her face, “ we have a problem..” meaning I was the problem. My response. Whatever it was- was going to get me into furhter trouble. Cut off, cut out of the family. And me- “ no, there’s no problem…” finally learning in my 40’s the game! Finally!!!!! It was never a real opportunity, only control. Only pretend that she will give to take away later, future fake, all more pain. 😢

I am right there with you.

❤

I feel like I'm always slapping myself together with duct tape and going onward.

Yes! And Necrology unscripted! And others on u tube

Yes! I love listening to Dr. Sage and also the scenarios from writers with The Crappy Childhood Fairy! They are amazing women who have really helped me become much more self aware of my why... accepting it and rebuilding. I also love Sven from the Badass Counseling program he has created and his approach.

@@jennyferguson5583. Narc ology!😅

Yes, I love both these women - Dr Sage and The Crappy Childhood Fairy! I have had so many lightbulb moments watching them and so many moments hen I finally feel validated and like somebody has heard me. After spending several years trying to explain these things I feel to others only to be met with either blank stares or worse the whole “you’re just looking for excuses” response.

❤❤❤❤❤😊thank you!

CDavis, EXACTLY!!

Circling the wagons is a great analogy, I always called it going within.

I do that to and shut down

Love that analogy, circling the wagons!

If I was alone I was safe, wasn't going to get screamed at or slapped. If I hear people moving around, I tense up a little.

Did I manifest as fibromyalgia? It did for me and I wouldn’t wish this on the most evil man in this country.

Same here. 😢

My daughter developed misophonia at 13 Which puts her into daily probably hourly fight or flight, and she developed dysautonomia a few years later definitely related very sad

@@Yinyara I’m so sorry! It’s a terrible disease. I hope you can find relief on most days.

@@moreintimacy2084 I agree. Definitely related!! I hope she can find things that bring her peace and relaxation 💕

I hated that sigh. The sigh Mother gave. Never around Dad though. Just towards my sister and I. Bitch

I can relate. My mother is shorter than me and an old woman now, but she still feels two stories tall in my mind. This might seem like too much for some, but something that helped me manage my fear of my father before he died was vividly imagining beating him up and calling him out. I'm not a violent person and tend towards the freeze response, so it was very healing for me and my inner child to experience standing up for myself that way---even if only mentally. Thank you for making me realize I should do some version of this with my mom! Good wishes to you. : - )

I get this! For me, it's not so much that I'm still afraid of my abusive parent (for me, father), per se; it's more like, how could the generalized fear go away? It's so pervasive you don't even always realize it's there. He died fairly suddenly from aggressive brain cancer, and I actually went through a period of being intensely afraid of death. I wonder what *that's* about...

Mine’s been gone since 2000. I’m still afraid of her…

My father passed almost a decade ago. I'm 6'3" and he was 5' 10" and 130lbs soaking wet. I'm still terrified of him.

I’m so sorry for your loss! Be kind and patient with yourself! Sending you much peace and light! 🙏

@@lolacookie453 Thank you -- I still look for him every time I walk in the door. I loved him so much!

Hi Dear. I've been on my healing journey for some years now. I was once that 12yo and my abuse was chronic too, it last way too many years. Please, do something for yourself. Your abuser(s) won't do it for you, your partner won't do it for you, your family won't do it for you either. You are the only one capable and responsible for your healing. You deserve to live a life that is not exhausting or scary all the time. If there's any money worth of spending, it's money towards therapy. Look it up for therapists specialized in abuse, and go full force on it, be intentional with your wellbeing. I pray that God heals you and gives you the tools to help you live a bette life! Sending love and peace!

Very true. I think even back when I was in therapy in like 2006-2007 there were very strict criteria for PTSD. I don't think CPTSD even existed, or at least I didn't know anything about it. PTSD I understood was only if you'd been to war, or a massive accident like a plane crash, or if you were a victim of rape. However I heard my therapist mutter something about PTSD when he was writing his notes. He just wasn't able to diagnose me at all, as he said, that my case was too complex. But it might be he just didn't have proper tools yet back then. No idea when CPTSD was added to the diagnostic manuals.

It's never too late to be honest with your kids. Tell them what you said here- it'll give them validation they need to heal and open the door to a future better relationship with them.

Jesus loves you!

Toxic Hypervigilance and Silent Cptsd please.

Coco and her magical tail floof give me life! ❤

I have cPTSD, EUPD, GAD, SAD and Anankastic traits. I would love a video that gave tips for meaningful self help. There is no formal help here (UK) that doesn't involve accepting drugs, which I won't do - other than a never-ending wait list that leads to a watered down version of real help. Life is very lonely and pointless.

The popularity of these terms has made them socially meaningless, meanwhile this mode of living is indistinguishable from a normal conservative lifestyle. It simply seems to describe every working class person's life and attitude whom I consider to have an IQ over 100. Psychological treatment is an extreme luxury afforded only to those society values most and that knowledge bars any possibility of accepting treatment. I've been through childhood with alcoholics who were at work most of the time anyway but also "disappeared" into being drunk the moment they got home, endless bullying, being rejected from my dream job by a racist, being rejected unfairly to the tune of actually going hungry because I lost a competition to someone else who was in no financial danger, home invasion ending in a family murder and the subsequent fakery of a district attorney with no interest in or real leeway to try a black minor in California which is utterly obsessed with "racial justice" despite the fact he's a monster who keeps comitting more crimes in prison and has an IQ of perhaps 80. Oh, did I mention the forest fire? Because I was the only one who knew the forest fire 2 miles away could be here in under 20 seconds but allowed my mother to take over an hour to pack just accepting that we would probably die and if we didn't I didn't want to deal with my traumatized mother to the point I said nothing and just went "we should hurry haha", so of course nobody understands why I get so upset when the car doesn't work and we're potentially stuck in any location unable to drive away from the giant inescapable death force field that can eat any part of California any time it wants and is only getting worse. There is zero possibility I will live a meaningful life or even escape the shadow of humiliation heaped onto me by my own society, literally to the point of it forgiving my father's blatant murderer because it values the murderer's life more than both mine and my father's put together. Because he's black. But, you voted Biden because you're a woman and will immediately find a way to excuse all of these injustices and continue the process of shutting me out of society for being a white male with the misfortune to be born in this utterly doomed communist polity that is literally trying to burn down my town because it would prefer that hill folk who vote wrong just not own property or literally die. Did I mention the DA was a woman and stopped speaking to me entirely when I accused her of being a liberal? Which you're about to repeat for me so that I can burn you in effigy.

@@Suiseisexy That's a huge chip you choose to carry on your shoulders... I hope you find the help you so obviously need.

Ditto. I eventually got a job as a professional reader for film studios. Best job I ever had. Still read for a literary agent, but it's not the same as reading for film.

I came across this today and I think this is 100% me!

@@gracemccraw3924 Me too!

Yes…..me too.

I scored an 8, too. I have issues, of course, or I wouldn't be watching this video. But given the extreme nature of my childhood, I'm doing pretty well, overall. I'm 66, it's taken a while.

I took the ACE test -- attached was findings from a study. 100% of people with my score or higher were put on mental health medication at least once in their life. And yep, I was. Sucks.

I wish I COULD take medication for it. My ACE score is 8....Freaked me out at first and then I thought...I've made it thru all the toughest stuff, I can do now without any of those people easily !!!!@@shartles_mcgee

No contact for almost nine years now….NO regrets, only freedom! 😊

Agree, even though I've talked to many therapists, NONE ever mentioned anything about CPTSD! Even after I told them about the vicious fighting my mom and stepdad did, it scared me to death, he would go on weekends benders with his paycheck and when he came home Sunday afternoon it was WW3! One year I missed almost every single Monday at school because I was physically ill and puking from their fighting! Once she took a bullwhip to him and cracked it on his legs where he had recently been shot and left for dead, all this stopped when my mom died of cancer at 41, then we just became ignored and no taken care of, when I tell a therapist about feeling claustrophobic and I have to flee certain situations 2 of them asked me if I was locked in a box as a child, WHAT! NO! Obviously its a metaphor for feeling trapped I guess with the fighting and then feeling of abandonment! Need a better therapist, one that understands CPTSD!

I’m afraid that’s likely because those institutions are almost exclusively led by narcissistic individuals, seemingly by design, and I think they’d like to keep it that way.

We are "all alone" but i read you , feel you,and know it. Can only give you a big warm hug Jane and burn a litlle candle, just for you. Kind regards from Holland. Karin

​@@karinbernhardt8747 inderdaad! ❤ ook voor jou. Er is hier nog maar weinig bekend over. 😢 Sterkte.

@@imah6249 Dankjewel Imah. Wens voor jou ook een goed en gezond leven. ❤👍✌🍀🌼🤗 Karin. o ja, misschien kunnen slachtoffers hun huisarts wijzer maken. Dat is wat wij kunnen doen.

Yeah that’s cause these archons are imbedded in the legal system themselves. I thought about it too as to how if the legal system would only lift itself out of its incredibly stubborn and archaic way are looking at situations and interpreting evidence and realized that more often than not a lawyer would only be arguing for the judge/jury to see from a perspective where they themselves are only too biased in favor of the abuser. In other words you’d be essentially asking relief from the very abusers that most likely in some way shape or form perpetuate it themselves.

I have a lot of these dreams too. Every night someone will appear who I struggled with for many years. Not sure what my subconscious wants me to do with it all but it keeps reminding me!

He's gone. It's safe to remember now, IMO.

❤

Sometimes it’s best not to do talk therapy bc of flashbacks

What’s an alternative?

Hey! I've heard CBT based therapy can be quite harmful to those of us with CPTSD. Like you've experienced it can cause flashbacks and disassociative states. First, you need to make sure your therapist is trauma informed and understands PTSD and CPTSD. Next, you could benefit from EDMR based therapy as well body work therapy. The biggest thing is you need to find a therapist that knows about CPTSD and is trauma informed. Good Luck and I hope this helps!

The constant flashbacks came to me nonstop a few years ago. It was hard to function or get anything done. Found an EMDR therapist and finally processed the large traumas. Made a huge difference for me. Look for a therapist who specializes in EMDR therapy, you want to make sure you are in the most capable hands while processing. It can be rough, uncomfortable but it will get better. Wishing you the best!

Does anyone know any good source to get them? I put so much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels, would love to give shrooms a try.

Yes, dr.sporesss

Dr.sporesss is the best, he's been my go to for anything psychedelics.

Yes he is. dr.sporesss

DMT was definitely the best trip I ever had. It was amazing!

It does not mean changing who we are. Dr. Kim talks a lot early in the video about the state of the nervous system - healing is mainly about shifting our default state in the nervous system, spending more time in more relaxed, enjoyable states, and reducing the frequency, severity and duration of emotional pain in situations that are hard for us. It will help to change how we interpret a lot of the things we encounter in life, but the healing process involves, among other things, making the choices for ourselves what those new interpretations will be. There are generally a ton of options, at least from what I have personally seen so far.

I send you hereby protection from my heart, I see you, I hear you, I hold you, I protect you , I love you, Always and forever, in time, space and reality ❤💎❤

Just be there for your kids. As a parent you were part of the problem, but now its your choice to be part of the solution. We can not change the past but be there now. I wish you and your child the best possible healing!

I’m finally at the place where I understand now that I need trauma therapy. Your comment gave me hope. Thank you. I hope you are hanging in there and cooing well.❤❤❤

Similar here, avid every Sunday church goers. Mom would often be angry getting ready to go and then play the organ when we got there. Vietnam Vet dad with PTSD was less angry than she was and they didnt use alcohol or drugs.

I feel you. I've been there and still am. Trying to find my way out.

@@melrobbins5233 I send prayers up as I write! No one said it would be easy, but it is time for self love and putting yourself first. The sooner the better! God give you everything you need to get the hell out of there!

I found Dr Ramani also of great, great help. Healing takes the rest of your life, but with practice it becomes the norm.

Your pain is understandable. I've found that acceptance of the disease is a step towards learning to live with it. Distraction is also useful. To help me sleep, I listen to this sort of tonal health aid during sleep. It helps heal the most raw memories. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-O7ZFuhuyHKA.html Blessed Be Leah.

I understand, haha I am also trying to find a way to live with this and personally speaking, myself. Sending you much love and energy ❤ And may you find a place in your life that you can rest and recover to hopefully feel some ease in your daily life.

I think I have, at least mostly. Like the sigh she did in the video immediately sent me flashbacks. Other than that, I've started to trust people. I also don't feel constantly anxious anymore, and in general I feel happy and safe, not frightened of what will happen. This is a result of therapy, creative writing, journaling, being involved with people, getting support, and now lately also realising I'm neurodivergent. I'm 47 already, so it's taken many years, I've built up new traumas, but also gotten positive experiences.

Praying for you now.

🙏🏼 lots of prayers sent your way!! God Bless! You got this!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

My prayers

started microdosing mushrooms in place of my prescriptions and the difference is night and day in my mental health and my anger i feel like ive become a better person best decision ive ever made wish it was more accessible to those that need

Psilocybin mushrooms saved me from years of uncontrollable depression, anxiety and illicit pill addiction. Imagine carrying heavy chains for over a decade and then all of a sudden that burden is gone, Believe it or not in a couple years they'll be all over for treatment of mental health related issues,

Been looking to try shrooms how do you get yours ?

Doc.toddshrooms

How do I get him up please?

I think I have cptsd as well and also emotional flashbacks. I go into intense anger/rage and aggression (usually towards myself, or suppressing it, even though I want to break down the whole house lol). I - somewhat unfortunately - can control myself relatively well but I am sometimes physically shaking out of anger/overwhelm. It’s often when I do something wrong, especially physically like doing something with my hands, and that rage can (seemingly) go from 0 to 100 just like that. In this example, for me it usually connects to feeling incapable, not good enough, like a powerlessness, or on the other side of the coin an anger/sadness that ‘the world’ does not accept and respect me for who I am. But I definitely see how it could come from fear too. Anger is the emotion that says “no more!” or “no further!” (physically or emotionally) so yeah it makes sense, depends on your childhood experience

I heard somewhere there's a theory that anger and rage in adulthood can relate to thwarted fight (from fight or flight response). Like you weren't able to have that response as a child so often that you repress it and it comes out later as this huge ball of anger or rage. All that flight trying to find and outlet. I really liked that explanation. Same theory said thwarted flight in childhood can feel like panic in adulthood. Totally relate to both of those. Maladaptive nervous system I guess.

@HCF wow... that makes so much sense. I grew up with a cruel guardian. I went into fight to protect my more vulnerable twin sister. She shut down. When I fought my guardian verbally she would crush me with narcissistic rage so this theory makes so much sense because eventually I'd not fight as much and I'd fight and then fawn.

@Second Floor I experience exactly the same things except my anger is directed outward but I think underneath it is self shaming. Like I'm angry because someone else made me feel worthless but it's my traumas that make me feel that way and the repeat event reminds my amygdala of my original abuse so all those stored feelings get spilled into me. I go into fight and then I want to just be alone away from everyone.

@@mendingmandy869 that sounds awful, I really feel for you. It's living with the ongoing neurological battles that makes me really angry too!

Me too. Your not alone.

Unfortunately CPTSD is not mentioned in the DSM-V manual…. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist…😢😢😢😢😢

C-PTSD is like the metric system of mental health. Everybody recognizes it except for the Americans

BPD doesnt need to involve repetive trauma and are far more unstable in self concept and behaviour than Cptsd patients

​@@valentina6429at least it's in icd-11

Happens a lot...

Home is my cave, my safe haven, nobody can hurt me here. I LOVE being home….💕

Sublimation

What's the point? It only matters to you, other ppl don't actually care as much as you hope they do because it's not their problem. Harsh but true.

Just understanding that it's the past

It is confusing to realize late in life that something isn't right . I would like to know why it took so long to get to realize it. Are school and work so time consuming that we push down what is inside? Or is it that so much info is out there now that addresses the subject and helps us see what happened to us? Or is it the cumulation of failures in life that make us realize something is wrong? I think part of the answer in my case is that for a very long time I assumed I was born defective along with some bad luck. It took a long time to realize that my childhood was quite messed up. Or maybe the stresses accumulated until something gave inside and made me wake up and look for an answer. I really feel like I lived in a very unaware state for a long time.

💞🙋

Same here. I appreciate all the details, but I wish there was a cPTSD for Dummies. This is so overwhelming. I literally can not pay attention to every neurological action or reaction. Research scientific research studies to help learn my symptoms. And analyze each time I sense a feeling, maybe, or not, that may or may not be 'normal'.

I was raised as a JW too by a Narcissist Mother. Diagnosis last month and now everything makes sense

So what did your being raised s JW have to do with it?

@Lindasromperroom Growing up in a cult isn't good for anyone's mental health. For some specifics not being allowed to report serious crimes committed against me yo the police because of the 3 person rule was traumatic. Living with an abusive step dad and having my mum have multiple breakdowns and have her taken away from me 5 times by the time I was 16 years of age because she could not divorce my step dad unless he cheated, died, or was disfellowshiped took over and came before anything to do with me. And now my mum thinks physical objects of mine are the reason her marriage has problems, and because that's easier than getting her the right medical care, I'm just viewed as the spawn of the devil. My family just went along with it because im not a JW, so I'm easy collateral damage. I could go on and on, but it doesn't take much to educate the pitfalls and the lives ruined by the JW's. Oh and a Jw I know just murdered another JW and the police don't know why it happened......but every jw I know is in the know. But none of them are willing to talk to the police to help their lifetime friend get justice. They make me sick to the core, I hate them.

@@lostgirl.1987 I’m really sorry that happened to you. I’m not sure how long it has been since childhood but a lot has changed as things have gotten worse. I never heard you can’t turn into the police. It only takes two witnesses to a matter also. My own daughter is divorced from her narcissistic husband but she has no plans to remarry. It really saddens me that your mom didn’t protect you or those you trusted. We can certainly hate what others do to us.🤗🌻🤗 I hope somehow your pain can lesson.

Thank you so very much!It wouldn't happen without you.❤️❤️🙏🙏

EMDR has helped me a lot .. 🙏🏼God Bless🙏🏼