3 Dumb Things People Say to Single Christians 

I once read that "a spouse isn't a trophy for holiness"

The people who got married in their early 20s give the worst advice on singleness… they are more experts on marriage than singleness 😅

" _When you least expect it, somebody wonderful is going to come into your life_ ..." 😡😡😡 I HATED that one!!!

A huge misconception in the church is that men are the problem and that women should never settle on a guy that is a (project). The issue is we are all a massive project, constantly being worked on. You will always have to settle for a project. What people should look for is are they truly submitting to God and the only way to know if they are is if you are submitting to him yourself. If they are submitting to God then there will be spiritual fruit, and a proclivity towards change and adapting to his calling on their life. If you don't feel that they are submitting read the bible and the holy spirit will show you.

I feel like marriage and dating has been SO grossly over spiritualized that we literally have gotten rid of practical dating advice. We use phrases like “I’m waiting on the Lord” or even “I’m just gonna focus on God until my spouse comes” and we miss the fact that we have to participate in the process. We have TO DO SOMETHING!!! We can’t just keep doing the same old thing and expect him or her to magically appear out of thin air. That doesn’t mean we push to get our way, but again we have to participate. And i feel the advice of “it will come so just wait” is what SO many people give when it comes to Christian dating and it’s honestly a lie.

Married people need to be quiet on this issue. They're not single. They've got someone to come home to So, It's not for them to say. It's for God to say.

Oh my words don’t get me started about this. I had to wait till I was 45 to get married. Married people, especially Christians, say the worst things to singles. They all were married in their 20s and have no clue what a long term single person goes through. I could list examples but the bottom line is that there really is no compassion for single people. As far as which is more beneficial spiritually I will say this, being married has challenged me in several ways that being single did not. I’m having to mature and face some character issues that my singleness didn’t challenge. Which again, it makes me wonder why God didn’t bring me a wife earlier. I would have been challenged earlier to improve in these areas.

Usually the ones teaching classes on singles are usually like this: Mr Jones: "Hello everyone, me and my wife Myrtle are teaching you on blessings of being single. You guys probably know that Myrtle and I have just celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary but that shouldn't discourage you. When I was a young man I thought I would never find the woman of my dreams and that I would be single for the rest of my life. And then one day in eighth grade geometry class I saw Myrtle. By the time high school ended we were engaged, by graduation we were married, and by the end of freshman year we were expecting our first child. So I understand what it's like to be single and lonely for a long time." Random person: "Uh Mr Jones, most of this class ranges from 27 through 35."

I got hit with the “We aren’t spiritually compatible” we are both Christians, have followed Jesus our whole lives, known each other for years and both like each other. What does that even mean 😭

I am glad my friend recently stood up for me when his wife and other older women in the church were arguing on who to set me up with or to keep me away from and he was like “Dude, just let the man marry who he wants!”

Young, recently-married Christians consistently give the worst dating advice 😂😂😂

I really hate when anyone gives unsolicited advice to people.

I’m a single woman, 40 years old, never been in a relationship. When I walk I to church, I do feel judged for it. When you look for a place to serve, the married women in the church are very quick to find a place for you where you won’t be a threat to their relationships (which means the first thing they say is “we need help in the children’s department”). You are left out of many things and it’s hard to get really plugged in. When you struggle with something, they dismiss it for numerous reasons. When you need help, you don’t get any. Widows get help, mothers get help, single women get left out because you’ve always have to had to do it or you Donny have kids you are trying to take care of. It’s not easy being single in the church.

My students are the worst about it and they don’t even realize it. They are always asking how I can be older than this other teacher, but he is married with two kids. I also have them ask if I have a boyfriend all the time, and this one time a girl straight up said “she doesn’t have a boyfriend. If she did she would be happier.”

Best thing to say to anyone in any situation, or at least to believe in whatever situation you're in, is that "All things work together for the good of those who love God..." And don't forget that 'good' doesn't mean pleasant.

"You complete me." might be romantic but it's also unhealthy.

The thing I struggle with most right now is not neccisarily lust, but affection? Like I know the Lord hears me and sees me, but He can’t hold my hand. I know that sounds so silly. Like why feel sad about someone not holding your hand when you’re literally talking to God. But I am missing this.

A good wife is a gift from the Lord

I appreciate this content because there is so much weird and strange dating advice around and this is truly why I believe so many people are single.

Two out of the three pieces of advice there, when given out of any measure of self reflection, can be useful to a single Christian. The problem is that many married Christians (especially those who got married before their 30's) get the idea that their success in getting married had everything to do with them and not because of God's grace.

Good points and I love the approach of saying don't treat marriage as this ultimate fulfiller for your life, but don't feel bad about wanting it either. I'm 25 and I've never been married, had a girlfriend, or kissed a girl and, while I will gladly take someone sent from God, I have zero shame in that. In retrospect, I can see that any opportunities I've had up to this point wouldn't have been good for me. So many people get caught up in trying to do what other people are doing and will let other people get to them. I've had people that will come up to me and ask me if I'm in a relationship and then will think it's their responsibility to give me a bunch of unsolicited advice or talk to me like I'm something broken that needs to be fixed and they are completely oblivious to how condescending they are coming off.

Something I almost never hear others tell Christian singles but comforts me. Only Heaven contains perfect love and happiness. As a Christian you can look forward to that no matter how lonely and disappointing this life below is. God can use singleness to sanctify too. The end goal is to fit you for Himself. Not a few brief years struggling through this vail of tears with another flawed sinner. Both states can teach valuable lessons and purify. If you want to marry AND HAVE THE CHANCE go for it. Most of us Christian singles just never had a chance to marry another single Christian. We need to make the best of the life God gave us whether or not we wanted it.

LOL, if married people were such paragons of virtue, why is the divorce rate of married Christians not much better than that of non-Christians? Get out of here.

An example of how silly church people can be - I'm divorced, mid 40s, most people think I'm in my 20s. I never divulge my private business openly so it's been interesting to get unsolicited advice about finding someone to marry and how I should have kids some day etc. Never make assumptions and start spouting off at people.

That first part about "maybe you got married at a young age because God wanted to expedite your walk with him" really resonated with me. Recently a very young girl told me the reason why I'm unmarried is because I don't have the Holy Ghost. I'm 41 and I gave my heart to the Lord as a teenager. I've been faithfully serving the Lord almost longer than she's been alive. She started dating a 20 year old man at 14, got engaged at 15, and married at 16. She was not a mature beyond her years 16 year old either. She was still a kid. Very soon after she got married her parents broke up, one of her brothers became gay, all her family left the church and are living very worldly lives. I have a feeling that if she hadn't married this guy then she would have followed in her family's footsteps.

Ive heard all the stupid, judgemental, tone deaf, sanctimonious advice I ever want to hear 3 lifetimes over. One even came from a dear friend who forgot he told me years ago that he wept nights in his 20s bc he wanted a wife so badly. Most of the time, ppl should refrain from bad counsel and tell the person they’re praying for God’s best. Sometimes the feeling of being misunderstood and unfairly judged is almost worse than struggling with an unanswered desire.

I have to be honest, I struggled with the ideas of being single forever. I do want to get married and have kids. But it’s always in the back of my head. “You’re not worthy”, “you’re not enough”. I feel a lot of insecurity about it. I feel like, “I haven’t made it yet”. I’m almost in my mid 20’s and haven’t managed to achieve much. Like a steady financial life. And that’s what mostly makes me insecure. I feel like I won’t be able to provide, so I can’t even look for a wife yet. I never managed to have a serious relationship. I feel stuck in my current life. Just work, school, and repeat that. I did try being more social. Went to bible study groups, youth groups. Prayer nights. But I never wanted to try to find someone there. I always felt like it was an inappropriate place for that. Like this is supposed to be a place in which we come to glorify God and learn about him and praise him. So whenever I would “catch feelings” for someone, I would try to distance myself from that idea in my head. At this point, nothing is really working in my life. It’s just me living at home with my parents trying to live week to week. I don’t even know how to start changing it. I’m so invested in trying to help out my family financially and emotionally, that I don’t do anything else. I know God has helped me before. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. And I’m sure that the promises he’s made, he’s gonna keep. And I guess being happy is not necessarily one of them. Joy though. That at least I have. The little activities I get to do with my family to better ourselves. Like going to the gym, or just trying to finish work. I’m grateful for what I have. And I can’t complain like, “I want more”. Cause obviously we desire more to do with our lives. But it’s not always that easy for everyone. I see most of my friends are getting married, have decent jobs, buying houses. And I’m just here. Living.

I'm 31, and just became a Christian about a year ago. I wasted my 20s on mindless indulgence. All the good Christian women are already married, and even if there was a single one, there are younger Christian men that make more money than me that wpuod make infinitely better husbands. So it's my fault because I'm not doing anything? Wrong. I repented too late. No matter how much I put myself out there, it's not enough, hasn't been enough, and will never be enough. Why must you rub salt into my wounds? The fact that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life already makes me depressed enough.

I’m not sure if it matters at this point anymore. According to some Pew data from last year, there are twice as many single men as single women aged 18-29, the disconnect and animosity between men and women seems to be growing, marriage seems to be a trap for men if divorce happens, supporting a family in this economy is becoming less and less feasible, and the rise of dating apps skews the way people select for a partner, which, in turn, makes things far more difficult.

A very common problem with advice given to single Christians is that those giving the advice don't even take historical context into account. Back in Biblical times, marriage was very different. You did not put up singles ads not did you have to become a "pickup artist" and approach strangers asking for dates, or act like a "bad boy" or other similar approaches. Well, the "pickup artist" or "bad boy" approaches maybe have resulted in being run out of town or worse. Parents would often arrange marriages for their children and it would be weird for someone in his mid-20s to be single. If people did not have arranged marriages they'd usually know everyone in their village or neighboring villages, or know their families. Parents would also know their children's suitors, probably since the suitors were children. The modern methods in the West of finding spouses are nothing like this. If a guy is not good at approaching total strangers for potential marriages, and if they can approach them, they don't know much about their character or their past and find it difficult to find one that is really a good match, this has nothing to do with Paul's words to Timothy as popularly preached and everything to do with the unnatural culture we have in modern times.

I stopped listening to the ignorant and oblivious squawking crows giving "advice" on relationships in the Church, a long time ago. Jobs friends sat silently for days, and even when they opened their mouths they were still presumptuous about Job's situation. The Church is woefully inept and incompetent in dealing with us who are single or have been single for a long time. We are like awkward children they don't know what to do with, we are pariah and a hushed taboo that they're too uncomfortable talking about. We are like Christ bruised and tired, dragging our cross to the hill, but the Church is too weak and cowardly to approach us with a drink of water. It's pathetic. We aren't looking for handouts, just an acknowledgement that it kinda sucks. The only person I know can relate to me, and I find solice in, is my Lord and my friend Jesus Himself. He knows, He sees, He's been through worse, and He alone knows what I need even if I hate having to go through it. The Church has done nothing for us, to be like Christ to us, and it is a shame upon them.

People who are married have plenty of advice for singles. And it’s usually in the form of”don’t ever get married”

Another argument that I'd raise about being "distracted". There in my opinion is no greater way to display faith in God to the world (the US specifically) then by being married with a family and being faithful in that

The ignorance and insensitivity of the "well meaning" people is wonderfully lukewarm 🤮

I am reading a book with my small group called Not Yet Married by Marshall Segal. It basically says how humans today will often be in what of an autopilot mode during their unmarried years. They will give up on living with the idea that God is enough for you regardless of whether or not you ever get married and essentially obsess over finding a spouse. It's a great book and I appreciate the idea (of the book and of this video) because Gen Z Christians often get sidetracked by the idea of committed relationships with other humans than with God.

Oh my goodness, I was struggling lately and needed this.❤ Like your first point, there is nothing we can do to "deserve".

Marriage is not earned, it is simply a gift from God. God is not waiting for us to learn the right lesson, to finally walk perfectly with him, or to accomplish some sort of goal. Rather He will cross your path's with the right person at His appointed time.

The advice coming from people who marry right out of highschool/early 20s is always interesting. They literally havent experienced singleness at all (relatively speaking) and they feel like because they're married, they're in a position to give advice. Not that they dont mean well, or are trying to give bad advice, and sometimes they are able to give good advise. But usually theyll give some cliche quip about Gods timing or something like that thinking its encouraging.

been single for 11 years, prayed for 11 years. nothing. bout to give up on it tbh.

Great video as always, I just wanna put this out there as a testimony for any single Christian who is feeling alone, your peace is in Christ not your partner your partner is a blessing from Christ but the true peace comes from following him. Testimony ⤵️ When I was in my late teens I was horribly lukewarm, always having sex and women on my mind because I always felt alone, then I got into a in a committed relationship as I was entering my 20’s, now the thing is this woman was for a lack of terms controlling, abusive, a non believer, and a bit of a drunk, I’m not telling you this to judge but it’s for the context of the next part, so when we broke up I was a bit of a mess, angry at the world, so what did I do? I drank, watched porn, and slept around with a lot of women, for lack of better terms I was a manwhore, and the thing is when you choose to sin you deal a lot more with sinful people, so to speed this up as I slept around a lot it also caused a lot of drama, pain, and emptiness in me, and I kept going kept doing it for three years straight all cuz I couldn’t let go of the past I just had to prove something to myself, well one day the consequences got overwhelming (the drama) again to make this short I’ll spare the details, so one day I told the lord “I had enough, I get it now, no more partying, no more sleeping around, I’m done, if I gotta die alone I will, if I’m to never touch a woman again then so be it, so long as there is peace in my life that’s all I ask please” and no joke within one hour I met the woman of my life that I’m still happily with till this day, a woman who I find both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to be so beautiful like I never found a more beautiful woman in my eyes, the crazy thing is I didn’t need to do anything specific to find her it just happened but the important part is that God is what made this relationship so special because that’s what we center our relationship on, so idc who you are or what you have been told the lord will bring you someone in your life who is perfect for you in every aspect, she won’t be perfect but she’ll be perfect for you understand the difference lol but anyways yea im telling you from experience the way of the world is NOT worth it, trust me on this one be patient with God he will provide, so yea I can testify from experience that what this man is saying is so true, follow by what God says, dont worry about what others say even the Christians who give the three goofy bits of advice that was mentioned cuz as you already know I was anything but holy when I was single, completely far from perfect but God proved to me what a good lifestyle can bring, and dont get it twisted I’m still not perfect and never will be but at least im following God the best I can and walking away from the ways of this world, I hope this was inspiring to any single Christian who feels they are struggling rn with both finding a relationship and straying away from sin God bless and praise Jesus

Thankyou I tell this to my friends at church all the time. Most of the guys at church want a wife but they feel unworthy of it at this point of their life. So they never pursue. It's almost like they expect the woman to do it for them.

Thank you for sharing this video! I think you've helped clear up a lot of things that kind of hurt our walk in singleness with Christ.

if you meet someone good for you but people act like finding a spouse is one of the steps to spiritual growth.

My fiance was a very very unmature person. Thank God I noticed that on time and broke the engagement. Maturity IS a must in marriage, kids shouldn't participate in adult responsibilities and privileges.

I'm so conflicted man. All my life people have told me that you can't get married until you're "ready" and completely okay being single. Ever since I can remember, I have desired very much marriage. I so desired to get married really young and even almost expected it to be when i was 18-19. I am 21 now, coming a year off from the end of a relationship that was really confusing for me. I wanted marriage, but deep down she didn't and wasn't ready yet. I'm so sick of seeing so many people I know, friends, and others my age getting married and having the things I want. Duh, their relationship isn't perfect. But I want that person to walk with me. It's been engrained in me that desiring a woman and pursuing a woman is a bad thing, and I can't do it until I'm "ready enough". It's given me this crippling fear and angst in my conscience towards god that any desire for or act on a woman is just so wrong. If I want it, why can't I seek it out? But what if it's not the "right" time?

Sharing time. In the past I've had a handful of girls come my way. It didn't work out in the end, and I knew it wouldn't from the start due to them being non-believers of Jesus. I've also had my name and picture on dating websites and apps for years and years and years that produced no results. So I gave up pursuing and gave the whole thing to Jesus and said "Your will be done." I'm no longer desperate that has cause me sleepless nights and days full of pain. It's happening, just on Jesus's terms, not mine :D

Definitely felt that last part. Been in a desire for a husband but I know this time is sacred.

Im still single,25 year old man, the advice i can give you guys would be to plan out your life what would you like to have to be and describe the type of person you would want for your partner to be. you know, be specific. i learned that specific prayer gets specific answers the other thing i would say is it's ok to have the desire, but when it becomes an idol, that's when it becomes problematic. And yes being single is hard but you can choose to not make so hard by planning out your life and start reaching goals. An example would be where would you want to live, if you wanna get fit, what house would you like, if you like to go on an adventure, if you would like to learn how to fish and how to cook it. I hope this helps someone and dont give up just try to live day by day.

Amen 🙏🏽 I thank God Everyday that he gave me the love of my life and used my relationship to sanctify me

You are 100 percent right

Thank you for these videos, brother! Getting messages like this that relate to young Christian men, from a young Christian man, is extremely comforting, and helpful!

Im a Christian and Our Christian freinds can be so Toxic and Dense

I know you're talking about the importance of our relationship with Christ as being the foundation of our lives, but while we're in this world our spiritual relationship with Christ alone isn't going to solve all of our needs and desires. Having faith in Christ is not going to get rid of our hunger and thirst. There's food and drink for that. Praying with Christ everyday isn't going to negate our need to be with other humans and have relationships with them. There's family, friends, and the church community for that. And being close to Christ for the vast majority of us doesn't negate our desire for a partner. Only another Godly partner can do that. Instead, we need to preach the more accurate message that everything we do in this life needs to be rooted through Christ; not to say that Christ is quite literally all that we need. Because God created the other things too to also bring us closer to Him and simply enjoy life. Even God said in His perfect world that "it is not good for Man to be alone".

Praise the Lord, I love the advice and keep up the great work Isaac!

A lot of times people will meet through various ministries, get married, and then drop out of service, so married people being holier or whatever is nonsense.

I appreciate you, brother 🙏 Your content is always encouraging and edifying! God's blessings 🙏

Thank you for reminding me that I'm not less worthy as a single person than a married person. I've been feeling really insecure as I watch everyone around me get engaged and have babies. And posting on social media is nerve-wracking because it feels vain to do so as a single woman, and it seems more acceptable and celebrated as a married woman with children. I don't want to be seen as vain, but I do want to be happy about the good things happening in my life without believing that none of my accomplishments count because I'm not raising a family yet. But I know that's not true. It's just difficult to remember.

Thanks, man. I appreciate hearing this. It's something that I struggle with.

There is other dumb stuff people say: God has someone for everyone. That’s a luxury belief. Your needs as a man are dead last. If you neglect yourself totally and don’t prioritize your needs you can’t help others. Men are Peter Pan syndrome if not married by 40 cause he hasn’t taken responsibility. Man needs more time to prepare and build a life for a woman and children to enter into these days than ever before. Why is ok to shame older unmarried men but no longer call an unmarried childless woman an old cat lady or old maid???

Most Christian women today are looking for the The Bachelor/Tim Tebow Christian man, who is a former pro athlete and rich

Excellent video thanks for discerning what is true and what is not regarding singleness and marriage. 👍

Thank you, #1 hit home, everyone tells me that and it really upsets me. Frankly tried of hearing it...

That first one....never thought of it that way!!

Does anyone have any advice on how to keep God at the centre of your life and take your crush off the pedestal? I often fall into the trap of thinking that having a romantic partner will 'fix' me and make me happier, and I want to be content being a single Christian but I don't know how.

I needed to hear these words

I want to get married but no one is helping me because they think I am not mature enough or ready enough. How good enough do I have to be in order to be a wife? Are they afraid that my husband will divorce me all because I did something stupid? And none of the men noticed me! Do I have to dress up like Jessica Rabbit in order to get them to notice me?

Yes, I love this!

Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with this. I always tell myself I’m not worthy for a marriage, because I know I’m a sinner, and I look at myself as a sinner and weak. I can’t see myself with someone. I’m just never good enough. I can not be a sinner till I die.

As an Orthodox Christian, i honestly want to become a monk. Don't really care for marriage.

1 Corinthians 7=8 Now I say to those who are unmarried and to the widows that it is better for them if they remain as I am. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed with passion.

Psalm 128:3-4 says, "Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord." I think his verse implies that God will bless you through rather than with your wife (spouse).

Thanks

If I’m in a church where there aren’t any single women that are interested in me would you suggest looking for another church that has a lot more single people? It could be argued that it’s being proactive as long as the new church has sound biblical preaching. Online dating is awful so my only option if I stay is to hope a new woman comes to the church that I can hit it off with.

Here's what I have done, hopefully this helps someone. Completely surrendered it to the LORD. Prayed a prayer of 'LORD if it be your will and you have a wife for me, only the one you picked. You know best. In your time'. And if not, I can find comfort knowing that he knows best or if I should be alone and serve him better, as Paul says. Now I can stop thinking about it and find greater peace. You don't have to figure it out in your own strength!

I needed to hear this

My husband and I recently got married and were in our 30s, which is considered old in the church. Our marriage is nothing short of a testimony to God’s grace. We didn’t get married because we were holier than other people. We did it because we love each other, we know God ordained this, and despite both of our flaws, we were given this gift. Don’t ever think people get married as a prize for holiness or “being pure enough”.

Marriage is a great ideal and would highly encourage people working towards it, IF our society wasn’t anywhere near as dysfunctional as it is now! Unfortunately most people today are way too narcissistic and immature to handle marriage and even if you are humbled and mature enough to handle such a life long commitment, your spouse needs to be just as humble and mature! Good luck finding that person! You’re definitely gonna need it!

As I said down there? I'm realizing that I need to get my nerdy, socially handicapped butt out there to get the ball rolling in this realm. Much as I realize that I'm not what women want, and much as I put in the time praying on this? If I don't put in the effort, I can't say anything. If it's meant to be, then it will happen, but if it's not? Well, I can say that I tried, right? Right. Oh, and one more thing; those of us out there who Genesis 1:28 doesn't work for (AKA we don't want kids for our own reasons)? There's no happy medium between either "Get married and make babies," and "stay single and celibate." What are we supposed to do if the former doesn't work for us and the latter is grating on our nerves? I've been single for 8 years and celibate for 6 years and it's really starting to get to that latter stage, here.

Been single for 29 years and become content being alone yeah it’s nice but sucks at the same time plus have many disabilities and physical pain all the time so honestly see others being happy but apparently i don’t get that but even still just love the Lord even if i dont have anyone maybe ill be single forever who knows

No one can 'fix' our past hurts and wounds. We all have them. If something in you is needing fixed, press into the Word. I used to tell God I didn't know what was wrong with me but I was trusting Him to fix it. He did....over 15 years and lots of Scripture study, counseling and prayer partners. You may not need the in depth work I needed. But push into God for what you want. He will always be right there.

Yep, there are 3 people involved in a marriage. You have to wait until you're ready, your future spouse is ready, and more importantly, wait for God's timing. He is wiser than we are. If we were to marry before any of that, it would be a mistake that would most likely lead to divorce, and absolutely lead to a lot of pain. It's way worse to be with the wrong person than to be alone. And the right person at the wrong time IS the wrong person (that includes us, too).

The dumbest thing I have ever heard after my divorce is that "God wants you to never get married again"

Well said! What about St Paul who said he recommended a single life but noted that it isn't given to everyone to stay the course of living singly. - wow - written my comment just before you mention this @4:30. Women get especially criticized in this area of life.

Can someone provide me a link to the video he mentioned at the end, please?

Here's my list of things married people have told me: 1. Beggars can't be choosers. 2. Miss Perfect does not exist. So just settle for Miss Good Enough. 3. God will bring someone into your life. So you'll just have to wait. 4. You may intimidate single women due to your high level of education. 5. If you want children, you had better hurry up and get married. 6. A single man over age 25 is a menace to society. 7. Have to tried Christian dating apps? 8. I have a friend you can meet. She's divorced with three kids. 9. Have you tried Christian single dances? 10. Have you tried Christian cruises?

A good friend toldmme something really smart about finding the righy woman. He rold me to focus on growing closer to God while the woman who's meant for me grows closer to Him too. When we're both close enough, we will meet. So that's what I did, and later I stumbled into my dream woman. I am saving up for an engagement ring now. :) Trust in God, live his word. He will sort everything out for you.

I'm quite confused in my situation. I'm 38, good shape, make a salary quite a bit above average and can def support a family and I have no children, and I do have the desire (for the men you know what that means) and I have my own struggles with it so I know I'm not destined for singleness. But then I have a side of me that has zero desire to dedicate myself to a woman knowing what I stand to lose in the case of a divorce, and also the fact that I enjoy having the freedom of doing what I want when I want (selfishness I know). So I have a desire, but a much bigger side of trust issues and a big fear of divorce. I know through prayer God will place a desire for a certain woman in my heart wherever I may meet her (hopefully in the church) but this is just a confusing topic for me.

People who God gave a spouse in their early twenties i cant take seriously. They dont know what its like and never will. They got lucky and were favored. Ive asked God for a wife, specifically a virgin one because i can never marry one who isnt. However since im not one myself I'll never be worthy. With a string of failed attempts at relationships at nearly 33 years old that lasted less than a week and with one where the girl left for another girl, i have zero hope in ever getting married so i stopped asking God for a wife since im convinced he doesn't see me good enough for one. At this point all i can try and do is focus on Jesus because i dont see any hope for marriage in my life.

I heard a lot of "it'll happen when it happens, so stop thinking about it" then I also heard "you wana find a wife then get out there and look!" But I couldn't have any control over who I ran into, who they were inside, how compatible we were. I struggled with loneliness tremendously. And I felt like I was broken or unworthy of love because I couldn't "find" someone. Now I'm married and I have a whole other set of challenges I won't get into. The biggest thing that I wasn't single people to know is this: 1) You are completely loved, accepted, cared for, seen, and heard by God, and you are on a journey - There's many things we cannot control. The who, when, what, and where of your spouse is not in your control. You can put yourself out there, but you can't make yourself run into the person you want. What you need in this time is to live in this truth. Accept God's love even if you're lonely and depressed, and live in it knowing He knows you, sees you, and understands your pain. He is in control. And He also has a plan for you to be with someone. You're not broken. You're not unworthy. You're just on a journey, and God's guiding you through it. Accept the freedom of His love right now this very day, and rest. 2) Learn patience - this is an incredibly freeing truth. Being patient doesn't mean white knuckling your way through life. It means accepting God's pace and rhythm for your life. When we focus too much on what we want, it fills us with anxiety and fear of not getting it. God knows this about you. So tell God "I accept where I'm at, please come and meet me. Walk with me hand in hand through this, and you'll give me the answers in time". This frees you from the unnecessary pressure you're putting on yourself to be this "force" of change for a situation you can't really control. 3) Be your own greatest friend and ally - Relate to yourself the way God relates to you. What voices are you telling yourself? Voices of condemnation? Fear? Guilt? Unworthiness? God doesn't want you to say these messages to yourself. Tell yourself the things you would tell anyone else who is suffering. And align yourself with the right perspective of freedom and grace no matter where you're at on your journey. Be good and kind to yourself. And don't go looking for love in the wrong places like booze, weed porn, one night stands, workaholism, or any other addiction. Take very good care of yourself. And don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself at all. Take life at a calm and healthy pace, and be kind to yourself on your journey. 4) Focus on as many other positive, genuine connections you have in your life as possible - Our mental health completey deteriorates when we have nobody to connect with. Focus on the people you do connect with and seek them out to help you through this. Focus on loving them, being there for them, being open and honest about your problems. You need that reassurance and love in your life. And God will bring it to you through other people you can trust. And you can also help them too! 5) This is the most important one - Focus on your true purpose which is this: Know the love of God, learn it, feel it, and live in it. And then transfer it to others. That's the whole reason God made us. To know and live in his love, and then act it out. Focus on this every day as your #1 thought as soon as you wake up. He LOVES you and you are FREE in Him. No condemnation. No shame. No Unworthiness. You are meant to be LOVED. Feel this and know it! And then you'll freely give it to others. And maybe as you walk this out, God will bring you the right person! Who knows! Listen to Mark Dejesus. His channel has brought me a lot of wonderful healing that no other Christian has shed light on. May God richly bless you all, my single friends. I feel your pain. I'm with you in spirit and God is with you always!

There's about billions of ppl on this planet and its hard to come by the fact there is "the one" for you. Most Christians like myself are to call to singleness depsite their strong feelings to be married one day.

One pushback on the first one: its possible that they mean it with good intentions. God does everything in the best time, he is never late nor is he early in doling out the blessings he intends for you. That could be what they meant.

Your channel looks good

Unfortunately, it is hard to find Godly women these days. So if you're frustrated that you're still single, maybe that's why.

My response to anyone who tries to put a qualifier on men for being married is that Adam was given Eve for one reason - he was alone. He didn't search for her. He didn't chase her. He didn't have to persuade her to go out with him. In fact, she had zero say in the matter. He didn't have to earn her. Obviously, God isn't hand-making women and personally bringing them to men today, but the closest analogue is fathers seeking husbands for their daughters. God prepared Eve for Adam. This is echoed in 1 Corinthians 11 - man was not made for woman, but woman for man.

Arranged marriages should make a comeback.

It does glorify God to marry someone and love them self-sacrificially, but the cost comes to the kingdom of God. In 1 corinthians 7 Paul discusses how the married are divided between how to please the Lord and how to please their spouse. It is not a sin, but in terms of the kingdom of God Paul said it is better to be unmarried. I am married and definitely see this divide, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I’ll serve the Lord to the best of my ability and my wife, but my unmarried brothers in Christ will have more opportunities to serve the Lord. That is okay. We serve the Lord with the cup he gives us.

Marriage is not a sanctification process. That's something dumb that Christians say. We were sanctified in Christ Jesus, once for all, sanctified and made truly holy, made light in the Lord Jesus, made one spirit with the Lord. We were not nor are we being made one spirit with our wife. We are one flesh with our wife. Only Jesus Christ has sanctified us. We are not born again physically, we are born again spiritually. Flesh gives birth to flesh but spirit gives birth to spirit.

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"Woman was God's second mistake." -Nietzsche

Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in the desert than with a contentious and angry woman.