Hi! I love your videos! I admire the strength and intelligence of Fa Mu Lan and the heroines of Chinese history. Can you make a video describing the virtues of feminine strength in a patriarchal Chinese culture? Thank you!
"50% of US marriages end in divorce" While this is technically true, it's mostly because a relatively small number of people get married and divorced several times throughout their lives. Divorce rates for people's *first* marriage is around only 30%.
She could have stated that, and it would have basically made no difference. The point being made is that the divorce rate is high. What would be the point in adding a separate statistic about the rate of divorces specifically from first marriages? How would that have contributed to the video? She could have also spent several minutes bringing up all kinds of statistics, but what would be the point? It was just brought up in passing as a way of intro.
Strictly speaking the divorce rate is calculated by number of divorced marriages divided by the number of new marriages. And this makes a difference. Imagine 10% of 100.000 existing marriages divorce and you have only 10.000 marriages closed in a year. This would give you a divorce rate of 100%. High divorce rates is a normal mathematical consequence of low birth rates and less economical pressure on the individual. The easier it is to survive on your own and the faster the birthrate decreases, the higher the divorce rate becomes. Therefore the divorce rate is currently in Europe falling since years. The birthrate and the income of woman stabilized. China is only later on, but not different.
I love the aspects about people respecting one another and being tolerant of one another in relationships. Though, divorce rates used to be lower in America in the past too. Back then, it was because women could not vote, drive a car, or even have her own bank account without her husband. Many women were in very dangerous and abusive relationships in those days...but they could not divorce because they could not survive without their husband. My grandmother used to be beaten very badly by her husband, and he hurt their children as well. This is why I don't think a higher divorce rate is necessarily a bad thing. Trying to force an inherently unhealthy thing to work is not good for people. Sometimes it's better for everyone's health and safety to be able to leave bad situations.
Hi! I really appreciate your helping spread ancient Chinese ideas in the modern world! (Even if I don’t agree with everything haha it’s just great to see our culture getting appreciation!)
History is my crack addiction. I’m recently just learning Mandarin and I’m diving into Chinese history and culture. You just earned my sub. Please make more videos.
I am so so very happy that you talk about this as a person who has seen so many marriages fall I really hope people just don't view it and go on in thier life same as before within and change😢❤
You are commendable to give good advice about happy marriages. I am concerned because you emphasize perfection. Most first marriages fail. Most young couples have fights. It is morally right to inform your audience about this fact, because they will be too afraid to try again if you make them feel ashamed for failure, which is normal.
Too ashamed to try again? Are you talking about people who have already gotten divorced? She didn’t really address these people directly in the video, and I don’t see what she said that would make them feel too ashamed to get remarried. In fact, the tips presented would be very helpful to them if they do want to get remarried. It’s also helpful to those not yet married or already married. Fighting is not a failure. It’s just something that we have to work through in life. If we tried to follow the advice in this video, we would fight less, and there would be fewer divorces.
Don't think you ''forgot'' something, but maybe talking about the love/sacrifices for children and how it's nourrishes the respect between husband & wife.
i really love you because your perspective matches mine so well, I have like old-school thoughts unlike people of my age, even my parents are more open-minded. I think each should take responsibility. I believe in equity rather than equality as it would be unfair if we ask women to take care of the family's earning alone or let the men take care of the house.
It takes a lot of Humility to grasp the things said in this video while facing the life of the the so called "modern" world. Humility - that's another great virtue for a long and happy marriege. Perhaps linked with Respect and Obedience, would you say? I'm loving the channel so far! Have a good one.
The answer in this question is that people in the past did not have the choice to divorce. I am pretty sure that if they did they would end up with the same percentage of divorces
Divorce actually did exist in ancient China but required specific violations of conduct by either the husband/wife to be validated - they couldn't just go to the magistrate or court and get a divorce because they had a fight and realized that their personalities don't mesh. Modern day divorces (at least in the US) just require that the married couple agreed/file for divorce without meeting any requirements - you can just divorce if you feel like it and cite 'irreconcilable differences' as the reason (a bit of a catch-all and vague reason).
@@kokoronohikariYeah just like in most societies of that time, divorce did exist but it was not a choice due to social pressure. Today, there isn’t any social pressure to “save” a marriage
@@user-ke9ih6si7d I wouldn't say it's not a choice at all so much as it's the last resort - it's still a viable option but the least desirable. Since the marriage was usually arranged by the family, not the bride and groom, there's definitely more pressure to work out issues rather than allow either family to (publicly) lose face.
@@kokoronohikari Additionally back then a woman could not support herself financially. I think that in Ancient China she could not own property. So how could she divorce ?
@@user-ke9ih6si7d I think you're confusing Ancient China with its Western equivalent - a woman could technically go out, get a job, and earn money but her earnings would likely be considered the family's money. The man/husband had to care for the family's external welfare (maintain a job, etc.) while the woman/wife had to manage the household internally (maintain family peace, manage household and financials sometimes, etc.). I'm not entirely certain about the rules regarding property, but if a woman's husband or family died and she was the only living relative, it's not like her property and assets would be seized just because there was no male heir and sometimes it wasn't efficient to try to find a male relative if they could not easily be found. Class and status also plays a role here, since even though women were married 'out' of their birth family, their blood connection can still carry weight. If a poor scholar man with good prospects married an influential military man's daughter, he would definitely have to treat her well and try to rise in ranks to 'deserve' her - in this case, the marriage was an investment in the scholar's future. If he turns out to be a drunkard or a gambler, her family might just cut their losses and have the wife/daughter file for divorce and rematch her with someone better, but sacrificing a 'legal wife' status for a 'concubine'/'little wife' status (not ideal, but depending on how rich/powerful the second husband is, it could be a better bet than the first husband). I wouldn't say that divorce was easy in Ancient China, because again, one party or the other had to violate specific tenets/codes of conduct to even be taken seriously in court. Most of the time, the man and the woman would have to find some way to work out their issues to maintain the honor of their families, if not for themselves. But it's not like divorce didn't exist and people didn't have the choice to do so, it's just that back then, and even now in modern times, there's a stigma regarding divorce in East Asian countries compared to the Western world, so there's a bias in the historical data and records. The stigma has lessened with the spread of Western culture and values, but some places it's still looked down upon to file for divorce.
Xie xie ni for another video i find your videos very insightful and allows me to understand my Chinese heritage a bit more. I try my best to incorporate what i learned into who i am. I look forward to more videos from you.
This aligns with my values despite the fact that I'm queer. It's so interesting! I've been called dogmatic for sticking to my promises. Maybe it's the karmic retribution thing. This is fascinating. My wife and I have been through some hardships but we are keeping our promise. I think my family resents that. Sadly my last spouse didn't share my value about promises and committed adultery. It tore our family apart. I think if people took promises seriously, things like that wouldn't happen. I am actually very careful not to promise things because I want to make sure it's a promise I can keep. I guess that's a little unusual in the modern era but it would be so nice if this became the norm again!
Nice! Your videos should be seen by more watchers. May I repost your channel without changing anything on the clean platform named Ganjing World? Thank you!
So true now that people can marry thier so called love of my life shouldn't marriages be even better. Your are right out patience and tolerance has gone down alot even with thoes who is love.😓🙁
Die chinesische Kultur ist so hochinteressant! Ich hätte eine Frage im Bezug auf die traditionelle Bekleidung „Hanfu“; ich hab von den besonderen Stoff „Ramie“ einiges erfahren und frage mich, wie dieser Stoff getragen wurde. Die Oberbekleidung scheint hauptsächlich Seide zu sein, und der Stoff „Ramie“ war so exclusiv (wenn ich das richtig verstanden habe), das sich auch nur die oberen Schichten „Ramie“ leisten konnten. Wurde er hauptsächlich als Unterkleidung getragen? Ich hatte die Herstellung von Koreanischem Ramie gesehen, und dort wurden auch die Besonderheiten dieses Stoffes hervor gehoben, z.B. das er besondere Eigenschaften wie natürliche Kühlung hat und sich bequem tragen lässt. Aber auch, das die Herstellung sehr aufwendig ist, was ihn so kostbar und teuer macht. Wie und von welchen Leuten „Ramie“ getragen wurde - und vielleicht auch noch getragen wird - würde mich sehr interessieren. Würden sie darüber und auch über die traditionelle Herstellung des Stoffes ein Video machen ? Hochachtung und Verehrung ihrer Kultur! 🇩🇪👋🏻
I'm always cautious when someone advocates for "traditional values" as the cure-all for modern problems. Respect is the basis of any relationship, but that requires accountability and taking responsibility, and mysoginy, homophobia, abuse, etc, will happen and perpetuate when the power balance is skewed to one side, and no amount of cutesy phylosophy will bring back to life a woman who was beaten to death by her husband because everyone around her told her to shut up and obey, while he uses his money/influence/etc to buy the next wife and repeat the cycle. Accountability is required, both to your partner and to others, and when one element of the couple has ultimate veto power and the other is treated like an accessory it'll end badly. And while it's true that everyone plays a role, not everyone fits the traditional role, and would be miserable if forced, and the role would suffer as a result. Knowing your strengths and weakness and finding someone who can compliment them, be it a good housekeeping wife and a good breadwinning husband, or a good breadwinning wife and good housekeeping husband, or both sharing responsibilities of providing and caring so both burdens are easier. Nowadays we know that not everyone is straigh, or cisgender, or even wants marriage, and that should be respected. There are plenty of suns and moons, and some pairs will have both, some will be just suns, and some will be just moons, and some will even prefer to be in trios or larger groups, and a planet or two here and there to shake things up. The sky's so vast there will always be suns and moons when appropriate, grouped or solo, there's no need to jostle for space. The sky's more beautiful when it's varied. Edit: Sometimes the people are just incompatible, or change so much as to become incompatible. While most relationships can be healed with effort and time, sometimes the rift is just too great, and there's no shame in admitting you'd be happier as just friends. But of course, leaving someone for the sole purpose of being with someone else is not right. The inability to be/live alone is a hallmark of weakness (I'm not talking about actual physical or mental disabilities that require help, I'm talking emotional maturity or lack thereof). What do they say? Once a cheater, always a cheater? Yeah. But I do agree unconditionally with both treating your partner as an cherished guest and to the need to respect boundaries. More than just a sex partner, your spouse should be your friend, a guest in your life that you are happy to take in and entertain as they entertain you. But also have the possibility to get away for a while and recharge, something apart from the marriage that's just your thing, as being constantly in someone's face will get exhausting, and having someone constantly hounding you and denying your personal space is alarming, and being with our partners should be a joy, not a chore. Even if it's not all rainbows and roses and things will get tough eventually, we should always help because we want to, not because we have to. There's this toxic idea nowadays that your life is your partner's life and your partner's life is your life, no secrets, no distance, no independence, and that's a recipe for disaster. People need their space! Even in marriage!
Also, in past and present some married couples tried all they can, had couple therapy and so on and still don't get along anymore. But they're still married because they, mostly financially, depend on each other. And that's not ideal either. I think that's why it's also important to communicate starting when you relationship starts and keep talking about things that you like and dislike about each other, so you can look for solutions together.
Most marriages are arranged. The idea of marriage based on romantic love was not introduced until the Victorian era. Romantic love was viewed as too emotional and undependable. Emotions were not to be trusted. Elders helped arrange marriage so they could help make the best choice for each person. It's important to be honest with your audience about this, otherwise they will be disappointed . Most married couples spend time apart. It was common for the married couple to take a break from each other, sometimes not seeing each other for months at a time. Frequently, the husband or wife would take a trip through Europe for a few months. They also slept in separate rooms and in separate beds so as not to disturb each other in the night. The community viewed a marriage based on emotional passions as destined to fail.
Please note that you're describing upper class marriages only, though. In lower classes not seeing each other for months on end would definitely not be the rule, and of course they would rarely be able to afford separate bedrooms. Since huge fortunes were not at stake, people of lower classes also got married later and had more freedom in choosing a partner (surely the parents would still consider the suitability of a match, but if you're a middle or lower class person living among your sphere, there will be a lot of potential matches that are materially suitable, so that gives you more freedom to choose the match that you personally like the most). Yes, romantic love in marriage was a Victorian invention, but historical documents show that it was by no means a rarity before that time.
@@AW-uv3cb I mentioned all this because you put so much emphasis on perfect conduct as a basis for maintaining a marriage. That's not realistic. Most married couples have fights. They are bound to make mistakes. I hear horror stories from China, about abuse of human rights. I mentioned all this because I want China to succeed. The basis of every society is the family unit. It's just not realistic to order your audience to be perfect at marriage, and expect that order will give them a perfect marriage. I heard from a priest that at the time Jesus Christ was born, it was not unusual for a woman to have a new husband every year. You didn't give your audience anything to compare themselves to. Had they known they did not do anything wrong, they might attempt marriage again. They have no way to know if your description of marriage is correct or not. I have believed the lie that we must be perfect in order to succeed. I tried and failed at being perfect. When I failed, I was devastated because I thought I had tried to be perfect. Other people might believe they must be perfect, too. I think it would be more productive if you told your audience the truth. The whole idea behind marriage is to bring new life into the world. I think if you really wanted people to get married and have children, you need to let them know that it's normal to divorce and remarry. When you demand perfection, and make your audience feel ashamed when they fail, they won't try again for fear of being punished again. If they know it's normal to fail, they will try again earlier and more often. They call it "the chilling effect." All one must do to see this is to look at the falling birthrates from around the world. Look at the high infant mortality rate on the United Nations website.
@@AW-uv3cb I also don't agree with the statement you make about class. People marry outside their social class all the time. I think it creates strife sometimes, because my parents were a mixed marriage. I listened to them fight. The issue of financial support created arguments between them. But not all socially mixed couples fail, because I've met some other married couples that mixed social class, and it worked out just fine. Your brain works better when it's open to new info. I'm just asking you to be more open-minded. Some people marry outside their social class and have very good marriages. Your emphasis on being perfect just is not realistic. Some families expect arguments. They are accustomed to having fights. They make up after the fight and go on with life. If you demand perfection, they may commit suicide.
While the anecdotes are interesting, the speaker and the listeners forget a major reason for such long marriages - the society will never let you divorce without severe consequences.
I'm so glad I view my significant other as my equal/best friend. No need for this theatre bullshit lol. I say what I need to say when I'm upset and she voices her grievances when I'm out of line.
Video Minute, 10:35 : I do not agree. You are not spoiled. You should not blame yourselves, or your one-child policy. Your Chinese government made the best decision they could under the circumstances. They did not believe there would be enough supplies to support more than one child per family. We are not spoiled. I think it's the opposite. Many large families have the same problem you discuss, this unwillingness to share, because there was rarely enough for everyone. If the children got anything at all, they refused to share, because they had so little of anything. I believe this because I have witnessed it. This suggestion that children from one child families are spoiled and selfish implies that we are not willing to change and to share resources with our new spouse. This thinking implies a lack of faith in God: only God can prompt our hearts to be open to our new spouse. Which of course he will do, because he wants us to get married and have children. It's a logical fallacy that single children are spoiled. The idea is that the only child always gets whatever they want. This can not be true. The other idea is that the single-child family's parents always have time to care for the one child. This can not be true. I would bet you money that it's the opposite. Practice tends to improve performance, therefore, having lots of children would make you a better parent. Also, having lots of marriages would make you a better spouse. We are bound to make mistakes. That's part of being human. Jesus Christ promises us forgiveness, so any mistakes we make as spouses and parents would not prevent us from improving and trying again.
I have a theory that would explain the increase in divorce. Exposure to better living conditions gives the married couple some new ideas. If we think our living conditions might improve after divorce, then we get divorced. Only after comparing our miserable marriages to a happier couple would we have the opportunity to get something better. Divorce is also expensive. Only if you had enough cash to pay for the divorce documents would you actually go through with it. So, high divorce rates would exist in tandem with a vibrant economy and access to higher education. This is not new, or bad, or wrong. It's normal. An educated and wealthy population tends to make better decisions. Only through higher education do we have the time to do thorough comparisons. I.E., to think, talk, read and write about comparing our lives to that of other people's. This is why I think the Chinese Government will eventually choose the Christian religion, because Jesus Christ guarantees us a better life. The promises he made to us about the new covenant guarantee everyone access to free food, education, healthcare and all the other resources on our planet. Jesus Christ promises us forgiveness when we do something wrong, and eternal life, and a new planet. Since we want China to succeed, I think they will convert eventually.
We live in a "free" world where depression, loneliness and suicide have risen. We have the arrogance of modern people ignoring many lifetimes of wisdoms and traditions.
My thoughts on the Mo Faul career training Advertisement: Firstly, the Norwegian fisherman my husband worked for were making $100,000.00 per year in 1995. I am not very impressed by your claims that your clients earn $30-100,000 per year; secondly, no one revives their own spirit, as you claim your unidentified client did. Only God can do that. I am not impressed because you do not mention faith in God, not do you give him credit for anything; thirdly, I have been repeatedly incarcerated against my will in psychiatric wards only to punish me for my labors at my father's house, and to punish me for doing work that improves our families land. I can only therefore assume my family's enemies are trying to force me to get a job outside the home to punish me for improving our land instead of their businesses. Since I know advertisers can redline, or choose whom their advertising is viewed by, I must then assume you know I was incarcerated in the psychiatric wards, and then created this ad for my viewing, at which point I feel manipulated and disrespected, as my medical files have been opened to the public, which is against the law; I am glad you care about women's careers. Why would you then charge me $75.00 for a small business incubator class at the S.B.A. downtown Seattle, when the people of Washington had already paid for this with their tax dollars? Then, to ad insult to injury, you refuse to do anything to help me start an actual business, and instead, you pander to the existing businessmen in the class, while Paul Gunther sits in back of the class telling me he hates me? Then! Your entire class is about how these existing businessmen can avoid paying loan fees, instead of showing me how to apply for a business loan, while your black skinned clients get free money when they ask?
