4 Musical Performances That Will Ruin Your Childhood - Spit Take Theater 

"Ozzy was never an opera singer but he at least knew what neighborhood the correct key his songs lived in, and would drive past it screaming through a fog of hallucinations and to whatever was in front of his face..." Now that was hilarious.

that bit with Axel Rose had me rolling, i could watch that clip of him warbling like Alan Wilson just swallowed a handful of old saltines with no water all day long, coupled with his increasingly painful grimacing between each failed attempt at singing words to his own songs makes this whole video an instant classic

Soren taking his shirt off is the only thing that'd ruin my childhood Upon seeing it, I shall ascend into my planar form and be a child of man no more

Axl Rose's ego is so huge he thought he could retire from music and comeback over 10 years later and pick up where he left off. Meanwhile all the other members of Guns N Roses are looking and sounding better than ever. Slash even wrote 5 albums of brand new music and Axl is still performing welcome to the jungle.........

Oh dear god, that Axl rose performance was horrible.

I enjoy Cracked videos. I REALLY enjoy reading the comments of people who don't quite get what satire is, get so hilariously angry, and start shaking their frail internet fist.

The most hilarious part was the end... ..."and guys...*you're* going to like it too." o.0 lol

sounds like a fax machine being tortured hahaha

For a precious few seconds starting at 0:39, you think, "Hey, is Fred Durst actually trying to channel Nirvana? This...this almost sounds okay." And then five seconds pass, and the reality that it was Fred Durst trying to sound cool while playing a guitar crashes down on you like God taking a particularly vindictive shit right on your head.

I hit Fred durst with a beer bottle at a show and got more applause than he did!

The Ozzy video can be explained. If you've ever tried singing on stage with a band, you know that it can be very hard to hear yourself. When it's hard to hear yourself, it's almost impossible to sing perfectly in tune. Ozzy is almost entirely deaf, and Black Sabbath plays notoriously loud shows.

Childhood ruined? Hardly, this is the real shit. The girl who played ducky in the land before time was murdered by her father.

"Lolololololololol knees knees.... I wanna watch you WHEEZE! HUAH!"

Holy crap face these were incredibly hard to watch.

Seeing what people like Axl Rose has turned into makes me wonder what would have happened to iconic stars who died too young if they hadnt died. Would Jim Morrison or Kurt Cobain pull an Axl too? If Axl had died at 27 would he be remembered as a huge icon rather than the massive asshole he was and is?

When the video started, I thought "No. 1 has got to be Axl Rose at Rock in Rio" I'm not always right But when I am it's because I know what old man lungs feel like

Oh my gawd, I frickin LOVE this guy! Articulate, intelligent, wry, sarcastic, ironic humour you could spread on bread! I used to read MAD magazine, back in the day, but if this guy is a fair example of what their publication has to offer, I'm on board. I'm still laughing my ass off, his critiques of ageing rockers was SO dead-on! LMFAO...

"...made my pupils dilate out of my retinas..." Probably should've looked up some basic eye anatomy for that one, Cracked.

The butthurt is strong in the comments. Those performances are just beyond awful, deal with it.

Aww look at Cracked responding to the community, how nice.

Limp Bizkit was funny, but Axl? Fuck that was sad.

Logic flaw: you could never, ever make me feel bad by saying something bad about Fred Durst.

He's not saying that these performances mean that the bands are bad. He's saying that, if you're a fan of any of these bands/people, particularly when you were a kid, here are some videos that will be difficult to watch. It's called hyperbole, guys.

Sorry, Nothing got ruined here. Live performances were always awful, no surprise there. Why would someone waste their time on those noisy, crowded, chaotic gatherings if their studio recorded mp3's sounded a lot better?

In regards to the Van Halen performance, what happened was that the backing track they were playing to (the synth stabs) was accidentally converted to a different sample rate which made it so the members were playing the OG parts but out of tune with the backing track. You can see the guitarist try to find the key by trying different ones.

3:00 no, those are NOT the original members of Van Halen, because there is Eddie's son on bass and not Michael Anthony. And what happened there is not entirely their fault - the pre-recorded keyboard track was played at the wrong sample rate by a rather incompetent stage technician. Kind of like 48Khz played at 44.1Khz, creates a transposition of a fraction of a semitone and there is no way to compensate that by moving to another key.

Thanks Cracked, this was just what I needed to lift my spirits after I watched a bunch of them 6-year olds perform perfect covers in here.. Damn them lil' bastards.

Ozzy? Come on, cut the guy some slack. He's been rockin' since before you were born. The only one I can support on this list is Fred Durst attempting to play a guitar. If you're bad, and know you're bad, don't make a fool of yourself until you've had a lot more practice.

Mariah Carey top all these with her New Year's performance.

What the fuck's with Axl? The guy who got at the other band members for drug abuse looks like someone who abused every drug there is. And the guys that were snorting, popping and spiking back then look healthy as hell now. Except for Steven Adler.

All original members of VH? I forgot Wolfgang played on "1984".

5:45 ... Doctor Rockzo, is that you?

Fred may suck on the guitar but he's made many people have a great time while listening to his music.

Limp Bizkit is dope as fuck. Chocolate Starfish and Hotdog Flavored Water straight up.

I was just munching some Corn Nuts when you showed the clip of David Lee Roth bouncing on the giant inflated microphone, and I lost several bits of Corn Nuts! That was so damn funny!

The Axl Rose part was too funny @5:09 I really thought he was chocking and was about to die

They play hundred concerts a year and one bad performance is all you got?

I saw limpbizkit live at leeds festival at the weekend. I wasn't too excited to see him but for old times sake we went. omg he was the best performance of the weekend. He didn't play guitar but he was ssoooo good!!

Did they really ruin my childhood?

Imagine yourself as a professional performer with a camera trained on you every second of every performance. Now imagine a prick with no life combing through every frame of video looking for a few less-than-perfect seconds out of a lifetime of your blood, sweat and tears just so he could tell the world you suck. Cracked sucks. It's always been a knockoff that never measured up and continues to be so to this day.

what the fuck did I just watch......keep up the good work

Fred Durst.? Limp Biscuit concert at "I ball" , the international ballroom in Atlanta! ! ABSOLUTELY THE BEST CONCERT EVER!! The temp. was 110 degrees outside and the sold out show was over filled. The a/c in the building failed, so everyone got naked in the building, dumping water and ice on each other. Security lost all control and people tore the doors off the building!!! UNFORGETTABLE! !

There's the best, the worst, and then finally the Durst.

The commentary is hilarious! How could so many people dislike this?!

Cracked.....The poor-man's MAD magazine....

When one member or piece of equipment fucks up, you do not stop playing. Its a golden rule of performing

...Fred Durst was my childhood? What audience are you trying to reach here? 17-year-olds?

David Lee Roth(born 10/10/54) was almost 60 when VH released "A Different Kind of Truth" in 2012!

And who is this guy to judge anything??? Enjoy you're 15 seconds of RU-vid fame.

If memory serves me right, the Van Halen fiasko was because the backing track for synths was in wrong sample rate or similar mishap ending to sound like guitar would be around half of the halfstep... :)

Every performance by a star cannot be perfect

Edward Van Halen can't play guitar and keyboards at the same time (no one can), so they use pre-recorded keyboard tracks (that Eddie played) for certain songs. Eddie tunes his guitar to Eb. For whatever reason, the guitar in this video is tuned to E, so it sounds out-of-tune compared to the pre-recorded keyboard track. Why a roadie or guitar tech didn't hear what was going on (as it is blatantly apparent to anyone with musical ears), and bring him a properly tuned guitar is beyond me.

This is the fifth Cracked video I've watched in a row, and I'm glad that I stuck with it. This Jack O'Brien guy is hilarious. I wasn't sure if I thought he was funny during the first video. 30 minutes later, this guy needs to get into stand-up! Funny shit Mr. O'Brien, funny shit!

Fred Durst attempting to play guitar...... Well not so much playing it as much as feeling it up like a 15 year old boy seeing boobs for the first time, which, ironically, was Limp Bizkits fan base back then

To Axel: Now you're trying to hurt me, huh? Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!

Wes Borland played all the guitars on 3 Dollar Bill Y'all, not Fred Durst so I don't see how that's relevant.

you sir are a breath of fresh air,finally someone who can recognize this crap as NOISE POLLUTION,,all of them,,,and they were when they were first released,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

I don't regret buying my Limp Bizkit albums, and I still listen to them regularly to this day. Huge fan. However I will admit the guitar playing Fred was pretty hard to watch.

This did not phase me......... Still love all these

Those are the original members of Van Halen?

my childhood's been over long ago, no one else can ruin what's already over. In this case, this would rather be a clear displayal of insanity

This commentator is far more annoying than any of these performances.

This show still one of the things i really miss about "cracked that was"

The fred durst guitar solo was at a free concert in finsbury park, london so to say the people there were paying customers is incorrect

To be fair to Van Halen, the synthesizer part was played through the sound system at the wrong frequency, which made it higher pitched than the instruments were supposed to be playing. Not entirely Eddie's fault, and I'm sure if the bass were more audible, it would be right out of tune with him.

Surely Ozzy Osbourne gets a pass. Even though I've never really taken to Sabbath or him as a solo artist, he's one of the TRUE legends of rock drank stupid amounts, did stupid amounts of drugs and turned his amps up to 11. Basically, if you're British and a rock star from around the 60's and 70's, you have to work hard to not be a classified as a legend.

"Some things don't age gracefully. Some things age only to disgrace the rest of us." i could swear they wrote that description about themselves

The commentary is cringe worthy....

Three dollar bill is still better album than whatever shit comes today

Axl Rose was never cool to begin with, Guns-n-Roses is one of the most over rated bands of ALL time. 90% of his songs are love ballads and yet he is supposedly considered heavy metal when he 1st came out, which totally eludes me or he is considered rock n roll which like I said with that many love ballads is just pathetic.

you now what will really ruin your childhood? knowing that super mario is actually collecting money to buy more shrooms, while being high on shrooms

Lil Wayne can't play guitar either (to put it mildly) - that never stopped him from trying, though...

Axl really sounded like shit a few years ago lmao.i can't believe he got his voice back now

u ruin the whole experience with your endless talking

Proud purchase, still enjoying it lol

That was the worst cracked video I've ever seen. Didn't make me laugh once. Shi**in on artists while this video is horrible is the only funny part. Someone needs to be fired.

okay let's hear your music big guy

I respect Fred Durst way more than Axel Rose.

The guns and roses performance woke up all my neighbor's pets.

This video and guy is worst than the videos he's trying to bash

The Van Halen thing was because the synth backing track was off key. I'm pretty sure Eddie and Wolfgang were trying (and failing) to actually play the song in the different key to get it to sound right, and it just made it worse.

Methinks this Cracked series could do with someone that doesn't look/sound like the most socially awkward, inarticulate kid ever.

Just because someone is great doesn't mean they can't be over the hill. I honestly think it's the artists who do not look back to their glory days that do the best. The ones who are constantly out there making new music, new collaborations, new albums year after year, taking risks. A net benefit is that their performing skills are always on point so that when they do one of the hits they can still give it poignancy.

You spent so much time talking over the vid, apparently to sound witty, I missed the crappy performances.

My childhood still exists.

My childhood was ruined way before this video.

"Better to burn out...than to fade away...my my hey hey..."

my favorite comment is "dilating my pupils out of my retinas" because it makes as much sense as "eating the shit out of these peanuts"

Just throwing out there... that wasn't the original lineup of Van Halen. That's Wolfgang Van Halen on bass.

Judging from the commentary, you may wish to change the segment name to 'Miss The Point Theater'. In any event, I for one appreciate intelligent satire- and you consistently deliver the goods :-)

Axl looks like he buys all his clothes and accessories online after a box of wine.

2:35 I'm dying. Whoever wrote that bit about Ozzie just made my day!!!

So great to see a non-guitar channel rip on Durst!

I saw axl at the lego store. He was building a rocketship or some kind of spacetoy. Then it made me think about "rocketqueen" and how hard the second half of that song rocked and then uncle rico started talkin about how he could throw a football over those mountains so we watched "complete : behind the music" so then i went and got losted in hoogie boogie land.

Admittedly, I saw Limp Bizkit in 2010 (This weekend, if fact) and oddly, it was actually pretty cool. Being that Rob Zombie was on stage right before them and blew it out, when Limp Bizkit came on, I thought "Psh... here we go with this..." but the joke was actually on me. A few years ago I wondered what Axel's voice had sounded like after so many years of singing the way he does, given how Tom Keifer's and Stephen Pearcy's had fared... so I bought the live album "Appetite For Democracy" and about 30 seconds into almost every song, I had to skip on to the next one. Asked and answered.

...one of the best Bizkit performances still to this day...unfortunately 12 year olds may believe what this guy says...

Axl Rose went full on Dr. Rockso

That last one really did really did ruin my childhood...

Woof, Fred Durst. We need to take a serious look back at what exactly we were all thinking from like 1999-2006. I mean look what we used to wear and who we listened to.

the guitar part in limp biscuits nookie us still awesome