5 Aha Insights Post Narcissist

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Here are 5 insights about yourself after you've managed to distance yourself from the narcissist.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his RU-vid channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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#narcissism #narcissist #toxic #toxicrelationships #controller #control #controlling #reactive #redflags #teamhealthy

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18 май 2024

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Комментарии : 237

@tenningale 14 дней назад

I feel like being around a narcissist trains you to overexplain, defend, and justify everything. It's such a waste of time.

@ErikLeed 14 дней назад

They really need to teach the signs of toxic behaviour, how to set boundaries and when to walk away in highschool!!

@templehansen6072 13 дней назад

Did this for many years. Now I know what I'm dealing with and don't do these things anymore. Knowledge is key!

@tenningale 13 дней назад

@@templehansen6072 Yes, and they're also collecting information to use against you.

@trying2survive602 12 дней назад

@ErikLeed Totally agree! School teaches you to be nicer to the bully. If you are nicer, then they wouldn't bully you. Hell no!!

@ErikLeed 12 дней назад

@@trying2survive602 I hear ya...

@fmtforme 14 дней назад

Yep, I had all 5. Learning better. Thank you for the insight.

@madamchairman2538 13 дней назад

Yup, same-ugh!

@elainebines6803 14 дней назад

Once you know, you go

@Spartan_Nyziko 14 дней назад

Some people have children with these people, some have them as parents and don't have a job because they are too young - not everybody can just "go"

@Smachfest 14 дней назад

/\ This @@Spartan_Nyziko

@rosieE121 12 дней назад

@@Spartan_Nyziko it can help if they know the dynamic even if can't leave so easily.

@Spartan_Nyziko 12 дней назад

@@rosieE121 Yepp, agree one hundred percent with that one

@BaraSchmidt 14 дней назад

Yes, Dr C! All of the above! I realized those erratic behaviors were reactive. My way of having control over an uncontrollable environment. Even after I left that mess behind, if a door slammed, something dropped on the floor, etc., I would jump. That hyper vigilance piece hung around with me awhile. Once I was able to define my experience, and after a loooot of studying, I now have a sense of peace I dont think I ever had before!! I appreciate the tremendous work you do Dr C! And I am grateful to have found this wonderful community! Go TH!!

@rosieE121 14 дней назад

Sounds like me.

@trying2survive602 12 дней назад

Yes, the jumping! My daughter startles so easily. Trying to move on for her sake, as well as mine.

@kathleenstoin671 14 дней назад

Check, check, check, check, and check. SMH! But that was in the past! I woke up one day after listening to some of your videos, and for the first time, I realized I was dealing with a narcissist. I suddenly felt empowered with this knowledge! My life is so much better now that I've learned how to deal with his nonsense. He's completely bewildered at the change in me. I'm living my life on my terms from now on.

@danamama6766 14 дней назад

Me too! :)

@01splitpea 10 дней назад

Every one of which I identify with. Thank you for opening our eyes to this.

@michellepurcell8703 14 дней назад

Great advice . I ignored too many 🚩. No more

@Rebecca0010 14 дней назад

I hope I can start a new chapter. What I had experienced was like a narcissistic horde of people. They feed into each other for popularity

@amandaliverpool3374 14 дней назад

I've done ALL of those things. I can definitely say I've learned the hard way!!!

@karenlynch8348 13 дней назад

You did NOT play into it as he said! Chances are you grew up with a narcissist parent

@amandaliverpool3374 13 дней назад

@@karenlynch8348 That as well!

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 14 дней назад

Spot on. As we move away from the narcissist we should make some healthy adjustments bearing in mind that living with them was like living in a war zone .

@yukio_saito 14 дней назад

I suddenly realized I overlooked many red flags for someone. 🚩🚩🚩

@jeankipper6954 14 дней назад

Dr. C, I so appreciate your insights!!!

@louisemccoy9410 14 дней назад

I never got angry but, worse, I tried every way to please them (parents), they ONLY thought of themselves...a lot of it was booze !!

@sharonrice8255 14 дней назад

Absolutely true. I allowed it to happen.

@teabaggg23 11 дней назад

I totally know how you feel but I don't think we allowed it to happen, not in the sense that we knew what was really going on and agreed to that kind of treatment. I was blinded by my own healing fantasy but I wasn't yet aware that it was a fantasy and that I was wasting my time.

@GrantOakes 14 дней назад

Totally ignore narcissists

@todddanforth8853 14 дней назад

But much of the world is run by narcissistic people.

@Sandra-jo1lj 14 дней назад

These people have been in my life before I could even crawl, let alone date. I'm not sure how this is my fault, but yes, healthy adjustments it is.

@Hatbox948 14 дней назад

I definitely ignored red flags in the beginning of the relationship with nex. My goal is to make sure that never happens again.

@nicholecornes1915 14 дней назад

I had no idea about red flags in my twenties unfortunately

@rosieE121 12 дней назад

Or my teens

@user-lj2fn1gb8u 10 дней назад

Definitely true, you learn from mistakes and then any narcissist that you come across can't touch this, even if they try hard. Talking from personal experience.

@mombasham 14 дней назад

Thank you. It's hard to keep trying when they believe they are more important.

@Joe-hf3cn 14 дней назад

Yes, all about living & learning & making adjustments..I tend to learn things the hard way, but learn & adjust I do with clear & robust intention

@robertafrender3935 14 дней назад

Again your insight is on target with my experience. I was more upset with myself than he as I faced recovery. The worst part was knowing this was a lost cause and kept with persuasive communication. Wishful thinking that he may finally be able feel love for himself and others.

@tyrel7185 14 дней назад

I ticked 4/5 of those. Never lost self trust. Got out after 10 years while there was still a bit of me left.

@stingylizard 13 дней назад

That...

@heidikeeney5218 10 дней назад

This Short is "Real"😅 pardon the pun! Really helpful 😊

@MKhan-uv5kt 14 дней назад

This is so true! ❤❤❤❤

@susanmunoz7688 14 дней назад

Guilty!

@madamchairman2538 13 дней назад

Dr. C, you are hands down my favorite on this subject matter.

@bewarefalsenonprofits 11 дней назад

Dr. C, when we are hurting we forget to look for the lesson in OUR own actions. Thank you for clearly defining lessons. The biggest thing I learned in my disaster of a marriage, " We are all responsible for our own happiness"

@miker4430 10 дней назад

So true!

@user-nt4mp3jr3u 13 дней назад

Thank you Dr. C!!!! this makes so much sense!!

@iRockwthMJ 8 дней назад

Great list! Message delivered without a hint of blaming the victim of abuse. That's rare!! Thank you, sir.❤

@DaisyRenee713 14 дней назад

WOW...this was me step by step. And now he (my adult son) has chose to act like I do not exist. He has no emotions...it's like he has a 'mental/emotional cancer' :( It hurts BUT I can make sense of it thanks to Dr C!

@JC-4A53 13 дней назад

The irony is that we look at the Narc for what we would like them be, but not for who they really are.

@rosieE121 12 дней назад

They can seem pretty good on the outside like a well wrapped package.

@YoMama9021 14 дней назад

Thanks for that! ❤

@user-pz7gn8py6v 9 дней назад

❤ so true! My saving grace was to block them, no contact... I have learnt not to justify, defend or give any energy to their issues! No matter what they said about me. I am now free. People that know me, have supported me. The truth always comes out! I let go and handed it over with love, light and truth... Just let go ! It's not me... It's them and they never tell anyone what they did to create the situation... Be blessed... Be free

@sfbaybdoll59 14 дней назад

Just what I needed to hear at this moment I'm finishing up my exit plan!

@user-ph5bg2kt7c 14 дней назад

You are greattt!! Ty 🥰

@cooldudicus7668 13 дней назад

So true. I have to get to work fixing stuff within me.

@jacksavage279 14 дней назад

Message approved ✅

@stephenkroswek751 14 дней назад

I am mentally stronger 💪🏻 after surviving a narcissistic relationship ❤️✌🏻

@rosieE121 12 дней назад

Me too. It was sink or swim. And pretty risky.

@pakistanipakistani4856 10 дней назад

Thanks

@Martina-wn1sr 11 дней назад

Very timely, thank you very much for these insights....❤🎉😊

@stephaniesmith7659 14 дней назад

Well said.

@kristineanix9045 14 дней назад

I need to file a defamation case so that they will stop stalking me with their slander. I can't even get a job !! I have become destitute and homeless from their back biting and slander!!

@todddanforth8853 14 дней назад

They will countersue YOU and probably win. The system sucks.

@kristineanix9045 14 дней назад

@@todddanforth8853 What they have done can be aided by NATO a civil issue. involving the rape of individuals in hospitals and psych wards. and the very horrific probability of usury with out that persons knowledge or consent and the mise use of making their target chemically sensitive. So sensitive that they would be knocked out by fumes and if they use a chemical that causes amnesia well this is very wrong!!it It is an established fact that this is an international violation of the law this law was crated during the Numberg Trials!! And yes i have already contacted them. giving them my story of woe!! No they will not prevail!! and not with a counter suit at all they will walk away giving me a settlement and their tail between their legs LIKE A DOG. Wich is what they have most often called me!!!!

@nancyfricker7009 14 дней назад

You MUST keep a written or recorded diary, or list, of absolutely EVERYTHING that happens from this person! Keep very good records of every little thing that happens. Calls, drive bys, notes or messages to family or friends they are trying to turn against you, threats, calling jobs, etc. You NEED to PROVE they are doing what they are, so the judge will give you a protection order. What we learned is that unless you have documentation, they won’t take you seriously. Even if you get a protection order, and they don’t obey it….even THAT can become part of your documentation! So just keep track of every tiny little thing. Don’t let anything slip by, without you having a record of it. God speed friend. 😌

@stingylizard 13 дней назад

We kept records...text,emails,videos. Lawyer,law enforcement,safety

@rosieE121 12 дней назад

@@nancyfricker7009 my experience

@CentaurPress 12 дней назад

Amazing how spot on you are. Thank you for pointing these things out 🙏.

@SurvivingNarcissism 12 дней назад

You are so welcome

@teamginger6359 8 дней назад

Love this. Healthy adjustments! ❤

@user-eu6cd9pt2z 13 дней назад

#2 and #5 hit home for me. I was good at anger control, and that seemed to enrage my ex-wife off even more. So thankful I left and have my freedom back.

@annking8633 13 дней назад

Yes, Dr. C. All of these and have now grown beyond it thanks to you and Team Healthy. ❤ You saved me.

@judys5767 9 дней назад

Yup! My life is so much better as I made adjustments.

@merrylynnallison6922 9 дней назад

Exactly. I thought I was in LOVE, I was just lonely.

@kimdawcatgirl 8 дней назад

A narcissist doesnt have a leg to stand on if we didnt offer ours as a replacement. You cant fix what they dont think is broken.

@wendychavez5348 12 дней назад

As ever, you help me see what a wonderful support system I was born into! My family has reluctantly allowed me to make mistakes, and when I've had enough, they're more than a n ready to help me heal. I try to be that way for the people I love, too, most of whom are much healthier than the narcissists I've known.

@hildejohannessen 11 дней назад

Word ❤Thank you

@Watchingonthewall24 14 дней назад

I needed this. Thank you

@TonyWeeks-wo2mt 8 дней назад

that was a solid 100 sir ! All of it play by play.

@donnakelley1202 10 дней назад

Wishful thinking. That's me. Exactly how I got stuck with a Narcissistic mother. I tried too hard for too long wishing my narcissistic parents love and care about me and my needs. If I could just fix everything that was wrong in their lives...then maybe I would be good enough for them to love and care about me. I wished they would grow up and act like adults. Nope...never happened. .

@mday3821 9 дней назад

You're not alone. I did the samething. UGH

@isaacmaurice227 9 дней назад

Messages of rejection ✅

@barendjohannesclausen7605 14 дней назад

5 for 5

@carolwilson3220 5 дней назад

You are awesome! I have so much clarity now!

@jacquelinefroehle5868 13 дней назад

Great information...Thank you Dr. Carter

@Live.Life.Present. 10 дней назад

In my experience, people that have had trauma, a dysfunctional childhood, or addiction issues can display characteristics of narcissism. Anyone can change if they are willing to get Honest about their behaviors, receive constructive feedback without getting defensive, and is willing to put in hard inner work to change and address root causes…If they are not willing to become honest then it is impossible to gain self-awareness…❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 10 дней назад

You make sense.

@maggot1917 11 дней назад

spot on as always!!!

@kileyhyman6193 9 дней назад

Thanks Doc! That was helpful

@wilhelmnurso5948 5 дней назад

Literally the best tips i have heard so far.

@ktbiwk 12 дней назад

❤❤❤❤SO HELPFULLL THANK YOU DR. LES CARTER!

@goldenautumn3073 13 дней назад

You are SO right, Dr C. Thank you!

@SurvivingNarcissism 13 дней назад

You are very welcome

@marinagarcia5647 12 дней назад

Yes, definitely

@hunterluxton5976 13 дней назад

Profound and very helpful.

@coach_amy 9 дней назад

This is exactly it! It brings so much shame. It should have ended in the first week. None of this would have happened: 1-Too reactive (NPD supply, NPD's material to be used for smear campaign) 2-Wishful thinking and ignoring red flags (my limerence, denial, seeing potential) 3-Worked way too hard to plead case (i.e. over-explained & over-shared due to wanting to be believed and understood; NPD supply, NPD's material to be used for smear campaign) 4-Anger became haywire (reactive abuse; NPD supply, NPD's material to be used for smear campaign) 5-Selt trust collapsed due to NPD's rejection (to be rejected by this kind of person, a player, is extra painful due to humiliation)

@patriciamorgan2501 9 дней назад

Your added comments really helped me not feel so bad about my blind spots. Now I can breathe, accept and grow. Thank you ❤

@xavierbalzola863 14 дней назад

Great...great insight... this man and his videos are a blessing...❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 13 дней назад

Thank you.

@user-su5dl9vo8t 14 дней назад

That is exactly what happened to me after a long term marriage. First time those 5 ponts hit all the marks. I'm trying not to continously blame myself as of late after a few really bad blunders which was never me but it's been a long road. Thank you. Been through a dozen therapists as I wasn't getting the tools. I understand you do not practice any longer with clients but I've been following for a bit.

@AttackHelicopter321 9 дней назад

Spot on. Pls share the link to the detailed video 🙏

@jaggersalapayne9353 13 дней назад

Just what happened to me recently...A big AHA! And am now starting my long journey to painful recovery...😢

@CL-lo4wd 14 дней назад

Thank you so much for this!

@indirapaul8547 11 дней назад

Thank you sir. ❤

@milosza1384 14 дней назад

I am guilty of all 5. I should’ve known better but I didn’t know what narcissism is. My love was genuine and I only wanted to be supportive, helpful and caring. Give some of my warm feelings to that other person. It was a huge mistake. I was used, manipulated and duped. I’m only learning the amount of my abuse now that I’m slowly healing from this most horrible experience in my life. Thank you Dr. C. I wouldn’t be able to understand what was going on with me, my feelings and my sanity without your support. You are a gem.

@rosieE121 12 дней назад

Same with me. You are not alone by any means.

@milosza1384 12 дней назад

@@rosieE121 Thank you Rosie. I’m sure we will get better and heal with the help of beautiful souls around us like Dr. C. Sending you virtual hugs 🤗

@florabraswell-nm1re 13 дней назад

Dr C you are 💯 percent correct 👍 thank you for sharing this information 🙏🇺🇸🙏🇺🇸

@karinamc5753 13 дней назад

Thank you!

@scotleoqueen704 9 дней назад

Yeesss!! Way too reactive & wishful thinking, it took a long time for my hopeful heart to realize what my brain already knew ❤❤

@wendyhare1600 8 дней назад

Hopeful - that’s me but the same thing every time and then I ask myself- why do you keep doing this to yourself you know it won’t happen

@karenkasteler942 8 дней назад

Excellent! I can So relate.

@mariaelisanaimegiovanardim1102 12 дней назад

All i needed to hear. Thank you so much💙

@SurvivingNarcissism 12 дней назад

You are so welcome

@ritaducharme7359 13 дней назад

Thank you!!!!!❤

@crystalclarity4318 14 дней назад

Spot ON

@maythorne77 5 дней назад

I can attest to this. All of the above.

@sanam4010 14 дней назад

Wow what an eye opening… thank you ❤

@cdgross5480 14 дней назад

Thank you

@wendyhare1600 8 дней назад

True so I’ve started saying I’m done defending myself and it kinda shocks him- he walks away of course

@hasukeas5749 14 дней назад

I can relate to all 5

@Goldeneyes2534 13 дней назад

Very helpful advice.

@pahae4971 12 дней назад

well said sir!

@todddanforth8853 14 дней назад

Law enforcement is organized narcissism. They never take responsibility for their abusive, unconstitutional behavior. It is always the suspects fault regardless of whether the suspect was completely innocent or even just a bystander.

@tenningale 14 дней назад

The same with "security." It doesn't matter if they made a bad assumption and are completely wrong. Their opinion is always the right one to them. Many of them are cordial, but a profession that attracts a lot of narcs, too, because of the power element.