One Tension That Exposes A Narcissist's Emptiness 

Incredibly.

Yea exhausted! Their negativity and bragging drive me nuts

I was so tired all the time. I left him 7 months ago. Lord that man wore me out!!!! It was like dealing with a child and he was my husband. I could not even sleep right I was always jumpy nervous 😥 I lasted 2 years before I divorced him. Then went back 3 years later and no change at all the abuse just got worst. My God it was really bad. I thank God I’m out of it lasted 3.5 years with him. He cheated lied so much. I was dealing with a child. I was so sad for the most part but I’m Happy now that he is no longer with me. Thank God that when he asked me to marry him a second time I said no!!! I listened to gut feeling!!!

​@@jadelynn2283 It's a difficult path, hope you heal & find true Joy!

They loathe themselves.

​@@yukio_saitobut they lay it on you.

Well said ❣️

What an exhausting way to live 😢

@@t_nels Yes

There’s a song I attribute to that. Dave Gahan - I need you

You're right about that.

Love, love, love this!

So very true

Yes but they need their fake image maintained to outsiders more than they need you.

That's good to know! All this has to be brought into the light!!! Thank you! 😊

WOW!!

I just learned something new. Thank you.

Happy belated. Thanks for sticking around.

Oh boy let's celebrate lol

With my nex you couldn't even broach a subject whereby you pointed out something he did that was objectionable. He'd always start yelling "oh, it's all my fault, everything is my fault". This sets the course for you having to respond by saying "no, I didn't mean that." It's so tiring and repetitive. After a while you just give up.

Should just be saying yes it is ur fault! Always ur damn fault! Are u blind or plain dumb?!.... Says noone ever​@@Hatbox948

​@@Hatbox948 I had the same thing. They get crazy

@@Hatbox948- Lol, are you sure your nex, isn’t my mother?

@@Hatbox948 my stepfather was like that ❣️

Your statement alone sums it up in a sentence..😊

Man, community, I'm sorry, hec when I first joined I flipped my wig, the community, does go through, I'm sorry, yea feed them to the dogs, hec I was bad enough, your trying to be cool to people you love, I sit there and watched, I never said, F you, yea buddy, o I'm a off base too, but hec I was part of this, I kept letting you, be what, bad dog, I'm sorry, folks, it's rough and tough, now I'm stuck on, empty, my community is the best, they care for people's, life source, they do the good normal, my go team healthy, linda in Texas, and than you got, cool folks, that care, bam from way over yonder, the questions, man, you folks, make me feel, part just fine, man dude, howdy newbies, bam,

Agree...they like " lesser " people to make them feel better than thou.. disgusting, isn't it?

Wow he saw me, in addition to everything else, as being a flunkie, smh lol

You’re stronger than you know!

It’s very hard to believe. They are different creatures. Don’t think of them as selfish people but a as demons who are sometimes fun.

​@@M_SC Good one!!

I'll be praying for you 🙏 🙏🙏 Take good care of yourself and listen and learn from Dr C. 😊 he knows what he's talking about!!!

It only gets worse. Don’t allow them to deplete you. I try and have post its or say encouraging bible verses, in my mind. You are worthy, and you are in my prayers!🙏

Yes this is an absolutely spot-on observations. Wish I hadn't wasted so many years of my life caring about these people.

@@deemaysie6568 me too. And feeling hurt when I was told that I'd "accomplished nothing". We had different priorities and values.

Precisely. You nailed it.

Congratulations!!! Good for you!!! 😊👍👍

Glad to hear you got off the rollercoaster. 🎢

What's it like to decompress from it? Is the release from the abuse in it of itself exhausting?

@@cassiebennet4262 the first feeling is total and complete happiness because they tried to tell me it was always my fault. Then it got a bit hard but it's so wonderful I'd say it leans way to the good side now! Only a week in...I just found out about this stuff.

Now I feel I have my life back for the first time almost. It is surreal to feel this good!

Divorce my goal too. Peace.

Mine also

Me too- but how do you divorce a narc?

Set up your ducks first- they most likely will try to screw you over

Nobody’s there!!!!!!

The problem is that victims can develop this bug in return... (as it is 100% unsafe to express true emotions in such a climate)

They don’t need to prove anything to the world and neither do you.

60+ years of hiding my true feelings because I knew (from childhood) I’d be attacked for my feelings/thoughts, with the added bonus of them telling me that I was manipulating them - I keep to myself nowadays. It’s lonely but not so upsetting. I trust no one any longer.

​@@SuB-gy4rb me too 😊

😉

May I add, also being able to be genuinely happy for others.

I thought almost this exact same thing 2 days ago. They are quite empty and have nothing to share. It's an illusion.

@@fiyepjio6194 True 👍

...total lack of empathy 😪

its baffling and deeply depressing. i often sit isolated, in shocked silence that these things are actually happening and theyre fine with that

@@ljjae1648 It's not that they are "fine" with it, they just plainly do NOT care at all about others! :-( nothing we can do about it....

@@bikerd72 seems so very true for years now yet still difficult to understand how thats possible 😢

@@ljjae1648 yes. I had to embrace "radical acceptance" and just believe that they did it all intentionally. I had to stop excusing them, "She doesn't understand," "She just doesn't think," etc. They lie and are two-faced and are cruel and manipulative. That is who they are. I started to just observe what they did, and when they did it, I would stop being shocked, calm my emotions, and remind myself, "That is what they do. They've done it before and they'll do it again. It's their choice. I didn't cause it even though they blame me. Nothing anyone else did could make me do that. They are responsible for what they do and say, and I am responsible for what I do and say." As Dr Carter says, " Know what you're dealing with and make adjustments accordingly." I had to detach emotionally and let go of false hopes of acceptance, understanding, reconciliation. Learn to be more objective (facts) and less subjective (emotions). Anna Runkel the Crappy Childhood Fairy has a free downloadable list of Ten Emergency Measures for when you're emotionally disregulated and teaches a Daily Practice to calm anxiety. Learn about healthy boundaries. Best teaching I've found is Lysa Terkeurst's book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes. No more JADE (Justifying Arguing Defending or Explaining) Just stop getting caught up in their drama. Explaining again won't make them understand, just like it didn't work the past 100 efforts to explain. Dr C's video Calm Confidence helps. I hope you can get out of your trauma bond shackles. It felt like loss to me, but it was really the way to freedom. I had thought I was loyal trying endlessly to restore relationship, but they were just using me as scapegoat and servant. Now I have hardly any family left which is sad, but I have no bullies in my life, which is wonderful! I can just be with people who reciprocate love and kindness.

I've wondered myself.... Maybe it adds to their misery. It's all self deception!

They do all the vacation, experience lots of different things, sport attendees just so they can be around people that they can let everyone know they have LOTS OF CONNECTIONS-Please, not impressive .

Yes. My nex always needed buddies to attend gatherings with him. He couldn't do anything outside of work alone. He needed people to plan fun for him.

They need constant distractions from their crushing inner criticism and self loathing.

No. My mother is the exact opposite - and her own mother, diagnosed NPD, was a bit in-between.. I’ll share my experience, being I have an official NPD diagnosis, in my family.. If anything, I am like how you stated, in your comment (I have BPD; wouldn’t be surprised, if that contributed). Well, not to an excessive degree. At least, not since I deal with such severe fatigue and health issues. I use to be like that, more so,before I became disabled/bedridden/housebound, for a near decade - all from the absolute wreck life-long excessive exposure to cortisol/adrenaline does, on One’s body (Cushing’s Syndrome). And if anything, that FOMO contributed to me not being able to accept I was sick, and needed to let go of the outside world, and rest and heal. Though, before I became severely disabled - I was always out at shows, when I lived in Hollywood. That’s one of my greatest joys, in life. My grandmother would always take me to concerts, growing up - because I was autistically obsessed with country music. And back then, it wasn’t cool to listen to country music, with people my age - so, she was the one I did it, with (now, she has dementia, and anytime I put ANY old artist on, especially, country.. She smiles and goes “Johnny Cash.” Even when I play Dolly Parton, lol). If anything, my grandmother put the most effort into helping me develop self-esteem, regardless of her NPD - at least, while I was a child, before I became more defiant to her behaviors. I can’t say that’s true, for her treatment of my mother and aunt. Though, I can’t say that’s true of my mother’s treatment, of me, either. My grandmother was the kind to be very social, around town - she’d chit-chat, with anyone. Though, usually she’d talk some sort of shit, afterwards - usually, about something she had “heard,” about ‘em. Was it true? Sometimes. Always difficult to tell when. However, she rarely vacationed, went to events - opened her freakin’ windows/blinds.. I do the same thing. Chit-chat with people, I mean. I have to have my windows open on full blast - it makes me upset, and even angry, to be in a shut-in room. I feel trapped (I am not claustrophobic, though). Not the talking shit and not going to events part, either. If anything, again, I’m the opposite - and I tend to talk to the kind of people most wouldn’t expect a lady to talk with. Hell, I spent an hour talking with a super grimy and greasy busker, about music and self-development, in the In-N-Out parking lot, last week. It was a blast, and very impactful. I happened to find a $4 lottery ticket, the other day - so, I had $4 cash, to give him. I always appreciate someone having that courage and vulnerability, to go play music out in public, on their own. I’d like to be able to do that. My mother, if anything, has social anxiety (unless she’s working - then, she usually ends up being promoted to managerial). We go wherever we’re going - and then we go home. And if we don’t go home, when she wants - she gets mean, in one form or another. Never goes with the flow, of the day. Not. At. All. And if anything, she leeches onto my interested and likes, as well as the social activities I do. Well, kinda. She won’t force herself, into things; though, if I include her, or share some of it, with her - there are many times it‘s become her “favorite.” Like, I love heavy metal music. I watched the Killswitch Engage DVD until I almost wore it out, when I was 20, almost 20 years ago. She learned the songs, and about the band, just by me watching the DVD over and over, and my talking about ‘em. A few years later, they were playing right around the corner, from me, in Hollywood. She would be in town, and I bought us tickets. Well, anytime I am with her, and a conversation about heavy metal music comes up, with a another person (surprisingly, not that uncommon) - TO THIS DAY - she’d butt in and say how HER favorite metal band, is Killswitch Engage.. And say how I bought her tickets, once - for HER birthday. Our birthdays are freakin’ five days apart. She has absolutely zero clue of what other metal bands exist. Well, that’s not entirely true, I suppose .. Before I had my awakening, as to what type of person, she is - she had come with me, to a friend’s show, who were on tour, with metal bands. Though, she isn’t familiar with their music. And I don’t think she can, necessarily, pick out KsE’s music - unless it was on that DVD. That’s just one small example.

@@Hatbox948- Sounds similar to my mother. Was always highly respected, at her job, before she retired. Yet, unless she was socializing through other people.. She would stay locked in her house, with the windows shut. Unless she went outside, to smoke. However, she lives on her iPhone. I think she’s gonna morph into a hunchback, at some point.

Yes, every other driver is at fault

This is my husband as well!

It's hard work but worth it 🙏🌸

Yes, they can! They were born with Un-Godly souls, and they Can't Be Fixed.

Reprobates

Thanks, Andrea!

I believe this.

Exactly

You are right, and your analogy made me chuckle.

That's funny, and sadly truthful. I have been making a similar observation for over a decade. One too many Outback Steakhouse commercials...." No rules; just right" . I believe there is a rising tide of narcissism becoming a syndrome that is a direct result of consumerism and late stage capitalism. ​@@SurvivingNarcissism

You are welcome

You are quite welcome.

Glad it was helpful!

Agreed 👍

Sorry. The cat is on my lap.

Agreed! Operative word here “others”. Narc’s are missing the concept of “others” in their emptiness. No - narc’s cannot fill “themselves” with others bcs there is no “themself”! So sad and true!

Wow, feels like you wrote that for me - meaning, that’s precisely what I’m dealing with. He went “no” contact and I’m feeling relieved he did. Still hurts though to remember them as the loving person you thought you knew to an alien you never knew existed! 😊

You are so welcome

I'm forever learning.

Narcissists don’t exactly have excellent self awareness

A Narcissist number one trait is "lying"...

You are so kind. Thank you.

So nice of you

@azsuehayes The only way is to go permanently no contact. I was married to my ex for 25 years, then I planned to do similar. But lots of people told me I would never be free of him, living next to that creature. So I moved out without telling him and proceeded with property settlement. It was very hard, I had to get iron infusions but I survived, and so can you. If you decide to live next to that creature, you will deteriorate further. My freedom is the most precious thing I have and i am glad I got it at 54...it's never too late.🙏

You are very welcome

Interesting analogy. To me a drum can make a real good sound, which can even help you to connect with yourself while a Narcs loudness (like yelling) will always leave you disconnected.

🎯

You're very welcome!

There are lots of hurting people.

Hi Hatbox. Like you, I was angry with myself for 'letting myself' suffer at the hands of a very toxic and abusive narcassist. A year and 7 months after 'waking up', and starting a healing journey, I feel strong and healthy enough to NOT look back in anger. In fact, I feel gratitude for the opportunity to learn. The renewed feelings of appreciation for both myself and healthy people in my life seem to dissolve any anger. Hopw you are ok Hatbox🙏

You're definitely NOT stupid. We have all been through this. Take care. I hope your health is improving 🙏❤️🌸

@@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you. I'm healing quickly thank goodness. That inguinal hernia was like walking around with a half full water balloon attached to my lower abdomen. It's such a relief for it to be back where it should be lol. I hope you're doing well too.

@@sturobertson6791 Thank you. It is a work in progress.

​@@Hatbox948 Cheers Hatbox. Look after YOU, with daily self care. It's not selfish. Your health and wellbeing are very important, and it sounds like you've been through some tough times. It's good to be with you here on TH. The fact that you are here means you deserve some nicer times. Keep learning and healing and re discovering your good healthy attributes (no one has any right to treat you as a slave), and please do what you can to look after your health.🙏

Glad you enjoyed it

I agree with all you say, but the kind of people you mention will still have empathy and be able to show it. Also remorse and are also capable of self reflection and improving. But the video is about narcissists...so yes, can also be depressed etc and can be lonely...all due to their own behaviour to those closest to them.

That's what I find so baffling about narcissists. They would rather disagree to the point of their own detriment. This is a lack of self preservation on their part. I really think there's something spiritually dark at work with this. Not even a half healthy individual would screw themselves over just to "be right." They're not happy so the only substitute is being "right."