These are the easiest ways to show Men Love this Fathers day and beyond. How to get HER in the MOOD (funny) bit.ly/41AAZyS If you ever want to support my work bit.ly/3FWA1Ez #marriageadvice #relationshipadviceforwomen #fathersday
One of the things that I learned from the internet was to thank someone for helping you twice - the first when they finish assisting you because that's the polite thing to do - and the second time you thank them is later in the day, because it shows that their assistance has a lasting positive effect on you. Bonus points if you also include specifically what they did to help and why it helped you, in the conversation!
Yes! The first thank you is the polite reply, like we say thank you to the waitress who delivers our food. The 2nd thank you is sincere gratitude. That always comes later. It can be in a little note we leave for the person, it could be in a conversation with a third person or just later as you say to let them know it meant something to you. After decades of only hearing polite thank yous, I'm finally getting real affirmation with little notes.. I treasure them. It makes me feel truly appreciated
Absolutely some things do deserve a second thank you after the fact n it's so easy to do these days with a simple text msg. I do this often to various people but I must say I don't know too many people who do this but they do of course say thank you when it's happening but yes that can come off rather obligatory. I can't actually say I'm running around doing so much for people and it all deserves a second later on thank you lol n I have no problem that rarely if ever does that happen to me. It's just been on my radar for some time and also more of a thinker n more thoughtful person than most so it just kind of comes to me.
Once my husband suggested that we celebrate Thanksgiving in a restaurant. I was not sure if it would be open, but he said that he had heard an announcement on the radio. This restaurant was a one-hour drive from our home. When we got there, we found that the restaurant was closed for Thanksgiving. He said that the advertisement had said, “Open all-year round!” I was hungry, but I figured that he was already feeling sad enough. He hadn’t wanted this to happen. I wasn’t going to say one thing that would stimulate more uncomfortable feelings. I said, “Well, let’s go and get Chinese food!” The whole way back (one more hour), we joked and laughed. We went to a lousy Chinese restaurant, and that was fun, too.
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I feel so validated. I tried all these for more than a decade and all I got was silent treatment and meanness and distance. It's a relief to know I was trying things that were reasonable to try! And I'm relieved to hear you say that these things really only serve their intended purpose in a healthy, safe, RECIPROCAL relationship. ❤ thank you
My husband agreed with all the things you mentioned, and would just add that he loves a home-cooked meal. On his special days it's fun or me to make his favorite foods. (My kids appreciate it too. 😉)
1. Physical affection /flirting 2. Admire his judgement or asking for his help (trust him, defer to his judgement) no nagging, build him up 3. Tell him you feel safe around him or ask him to use his strength to help you 4. Interests in his interests - pay attention to his reaction if he wants to talk more ask him more questions if he's quiet be quiet 5. Honor him in front of others and brag about his good traits in front of him in front of others
I do all the things Jimmy spoke about on a regular basis. We've been married ten and a half years, and are still madly in love. Neither of us is perfect, but we both consistently show each other love and respect. Every day I let my husband know how much he means to me, and he does the same for me. It's wonderful!!
Same :) Also a decade in. Being appreciative and loving in a healthy relationship is incredibly rewarding, because being loved and appreciated in this way is just the best thing on earth.
@@rotemir Yes, it is. I didn't know for the longest time either. My parents were not divorced but they did not have a very nice relationship. As a kid I remember swearing to myself that I would never get married. But now 30 years later after having experienced many ups and downs of life and chosen to heal my trauma and evolve and better myself I randomly came across the love of my life. (We're just starting out, not yet officially in a relationship.) So it's definitely possible.💚🙏
I gained a lot of peace and serenity when I let go of giving him directions in the car. At age 17, I piloted a plane by myself, navigating across states. So navigation and efficiency are my thing! But I finally gave that up because I realized the point is just to arrive and arrive safely. It doesn’t matter if we are seven minutes later than expected. So letting go helped us a lot there.
I used to sing a crazy song about how fun it was to get lost. I made a big deal about calming their anxiety. We would stop by a field of flowers or horses.... and We would trumble our of the car and take a picture. No such thing as being lost.
Two weeks ago my husband missed a turn off. I googled the next road to take. He misses that turn too. I can tell he's getting mad. So I said, "Oh. You're just doing this so you can take me to see all the Christmas lights. Thank you. I appreciate it". Now, this was B.S. But it cost me nothing. I got to see Christmas lights in an area that we never go to. I Ooo'd and Ahhh'd and discussed what stuff I thought was beautiful. He ended up navigating us back to where we needed to be. When we got home he said "I'm such a dummy for missing those turns" and I said "No. You're smart enough to know that I looove Christmas lights and that really made my night".
I have a good husband (now). I used to complain about my day and he would try to fix it, which bothered me. I told him that I needed him to say, "That sounds terrible". So he he listens and says "that sounds terrible", and then I say, "You are so wonderful. You FIXED it!! I feel better now".
I appreciate the disclaimer at the beginning! I was in an emotionally abusive/neglectful relationship in my marriage, and I’m single now. A lot of relationship advice out there puts responsibility on women for men’s bad behavior. I know it’s not all men. There are men working on themselves as I’m working on myself and so many women are. I want to appreciate a good one. But I want it to be genuine when I do. Not just try a bunch of tips like these when he’s already behaving badly and hope he gets better because that never works. It just gets worse. It means a lot that you acknowledge that. To see an example of a man who can own up to his mistakes and understand a woman’s feelings, well, it’s healing. So thank you! ❤
I was too. Now I have a man who’s beautiful I always wanted pets but I didn’t feel safe. I feel so safe when he envelops us in his arms it feels so safe and beautiful. I never knew this cause my dad or family never provided it and then of course I chose a husband that didn’t either. I healed so much especially with him cause he loves me that’s what love should do as a consequence because anything you shower love on grows. I wish the best for you, many people don’t heal and attract the same situations in glad you’re healing lots of healing and good energy your way 🌸
This is so strange because alot of men feel that society puts woman's bad behavior's on men. Alot of men also feel like they are never treated like a human bieng. It's interesting how we all have the same complaints about eachother.
I’ve been married a long time and have gradually figured most of these suggestions out for myself, but it was useful to hear it from a man. And to the younger women who have come here for advice - from me as an older woman - he is absolutely correct. As he said, not fake praise, not if your man is treating you badly. But for the women with good guys, these really will make a difference.
I've gotten in the habit of making sure my partner feels loved & validated when we disagree. Recent example: Last night we were having a pretty significant disagreement--not quite a fight, but we were not by any means on the same page. I was trying to get bedsheets folded, which is not easy alone. So I drew his attention to the matter & said, "Hon, would you mind helping me w/ the sheets?" We continued discussing the matter & folded the sheets. Every time we met in the middle w/ the sheets I kissed him. When we were done, our discussion was still ongoing, but I made sure to thank him for helping me. Then when we'd sort of brought the subject to a close I thanked him for his thoughts on the whole thing ("I don't agree w/ you, but I think I understand you better" kind of thing) & thanked him again for his help w/ the sheets.
@@pauldirc.., we have some religious differences. We don't have kids yet, but we were discussing what it takes to have an interfaith family. He's Catholic; I'm Protestant, but raised in a Catholic environment. So we were able to disagree, but while we were disagreeing, we had to work as a team & I made it a point to be affectionate toward him during the disagreement. I don't agree w/ everything he says, but that doesn't mean I love him any less.
I love this. My husband makes sure to hold my hand or hug/kiss me when we’re having discussions like that and it’s very reassuring. I think especially if your partner has a history of bottling things up, this can be quite helpful. I have such a hard time with conflict, it would take me weeks to bring things up in the beginning of our relationship.
After finally getting into couples therapy, we were asked to give each other three things that were really important to us in making us know we are loved. Day after day, week after week, month after month, I gave my husband what he'd asked for. There was no reciprocity. He was happy and satisfied. When I asked for him to honour our agreement to provide for each other, he said I was attacking him, I was too demanding, and he just wasn't the kind of person to give me what I need. Newsflash: some of what he wants/needs doesn't come naturally to me. Yes, I've stopped giving because there is nothing left in me. I've been running on empty for too long.
I know the feeling. I gave too much to my ex girlfriend until I felt I needed retribution and that was the moment I said "f... this, I'm better alone". I don't miss her, and I've started taking therapy, today I started with a new psychologist because the one before was trying to make me go on some topics I already closed.
If you don't have kids, get out. There truly is so much better avail out there. I spent way too much of my life trying to change a love avoidant. Never again!
@@Wendy-bd9zu I don't know about the OP, but I'm still not out yet. A quick exit is definitely optimal, but it's not always possible. Especially where children are involved, it can be dangerous to get out without planning.
I did all of these with my ex. It went downhill when I came home with our baby. He told me he was done because I wouldn’t have sex after birthing our son. A week after giving birth. 😂
Happened to me when I got pregnant. I was sick 24/7 and he kept nagging for sex even when I couldn't even take a breath without vomiting. He totally pressured me to it.
My husband has an internal compass and clock! He usually knows the time to within a few minutes and if he’s been there once 10 years ago, he usually can find his way again. FYI, I bought one of those gripper things to open jars. Haha. He works a lot and I needed a temporary solution for when he’s not home or having time to play his video games with our girls or working on his photography. He’s also a great dad to our four daughters; ages 14-21. I’m so blessed. We are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary on Saturday. 🎉❤
@@caddieohm7059 yes! Even hotter when he does a load of dishes (if he doesn't break them in the dishwasher) and when he folds a load of laundry for the kids you share and puts it away - that makes us super horny. We'll need to jump your bones if you do all 3 in 1 day. Costs a cumulative total of maybe 25 minutes... But worth it, right?
@@JimmyonRelationships my brother did something similar with my Mom. After divorce he lived with my Dad, but whenever he couldn't sleep he'll then call her to ask her to talk to him with her soothing voice, lol.
One thing I feel like a good advice to give is to make him feel included and safe whenever you have some difficult topics to be discussed together. My boyfriend has a really hard time processing and dealing with his own feelings and emotions (especially the negative ones) + he is still anxious about our relationship from time to time (fear that I might find someone better than him if he shows weaknesses or vulnerability). He has a natural tendency to go mute / non-communicate when things don't suit him. Now honestly this is much more widespread than we imagine, among our male peers. So whenever I have to tackle sth uneasy that concerns the both of us, I make sure I follow 3 rules: *verbally reassure him thay he is loved* (cute nickname when I start the convo for example, but it can be any other of your usual ways of lightly showing affection), *simply putting the subject in a peaceful and encouraging way* (hey remember that last time when we were fussy over ? Sth disturbed me, it makes me feel sad/angry and I can't move on alone so I would like to have your thoughts on the matter) and finally *letting him decide wether or not now is the time to do so* ("do you feel to talk about it now or would you prefer another moment?" "Are you okay with this?" And he has to feel that no and his options are allowed to be spoken/received and discussed together). It is part of the general attempt to keep things safe, respectful and considerate on both ways, and of course this only apply if your partner is at the v least willing to try it too. No babysitting for immature boys.
Wow. After years of seeking advice, this is the best I've found. Thank you! Just not sure if he's scarred or immature. We are pushing 50 now. Not much growth these past 22 years
1) Physical Touch (no need to be sexual): especially unprompted with genuine desire 2) Promote his competency: ask him to fix something or value his input / process; “you’ve got this” 3) Genuinely validate his physical strength 4) Genuine curiosity about his interests: ask pointed questions and participate in his activities 5) Brag about him in front of others: show you notice him and appreciate him
I'd also say share things with him that he'd like. My bf shyly told me that he really likes it when I show or send him things I know he would like. Pictures, memes, songs. If I tell him about something that happened that would interest him specifically as opposed to just telling him about my day. It's a very small thing, but it shows that I care.
@@bleehh It sounds like your boyfriend's love language is receiving gifts! The idea behind receiving gifts is that you were thinking of them even when they weren't around, which is sounds like he enjoys. That's pretty rare in a guy, I feel like. Very cool. :) I like that his preferred method of receiving gifts is in the form of memes and pictures, etc. Goes to show that receiving gifts really isn't about materialism but about the thought!
@@avedurham I love making gifts! Putting together little care packages and stuff like that. For his birthday I wrote him a letter because I couldn't be with him and he loved it. It made me kind of sad how he told me no one had ever done anything like that for him, when it was just something handwritten. I like your last sentence! That's exactly what I always say. What truly counts is the thought and the effort, not how much something cost.
This is what works in my experience: 1. Let him be weird in your presence. We all have little quirky things we do when nobody's around, that might be considered "weird." Join in and be your own brand of weird! 2. Let him know when he does something you like. No matter how small, be clear in telling him so. 3. Physical affection. Dudes tend to be tactile creatures, so touch is often meaningful. This could be as small as touching his shoulder as you pass by him in the house or patting his knee when you get off the couch you were snuggling on. 4. Let him talk. Let him gush about his favorite thing. It doesn't have to be your thing, but let him know you're listening by either asking the occasional question or repeating something he said to make sure you heard it right. 5. Do something nice for him sometimes. I'm not saying treat him like royalty - just remind him that you care by picking up his favorite snack or gifting him with a small thing related to one of his interests now and then. 6. Yes, let him open the jar. It does seem stupid. It's not just that he wants to feel manly. He wants to be helpful and that's one of the easiest ways to do that for him. By no means is this list exhaustive, and while it doesn't exclusively apply to men, I'm speaking only from my own experience.
Bro gives actual relationship advice! I'm only a teenager but I've had really toxic relationships of all kinds in the past and advice for adults often works for teens too, especially stuff that this that can be applied to romantic and platonic relationships like the stuff in this video. Thank you!
I usually love your videos, but to me this video’s advice kinda kinda sounds like how to train your puppy not to pee in the house, or how to teach a small child to navigate the world around them. Just keep reassuring him? I don’t know. “You made a wrong turn again? Dattsokay tho honey, because who’s a good boy?! You are! Make all the wrong turns, and I will still praise your good navigating; yes I will!” “Hey honey? For made-up reasons, please come help me with a chore I can do much faster by myself without you, mostly so you can say you helped, after which you might complain loudly for 40 minutes about me interrupting your video game or football replays”. It just doesn’t feel practical at all. Nobody reassures women like this; nobody ever says “Babe this is the third time this week you burned dinner - but I still trust that you’re a competent cook, girl.” Why would I speak to a man the same way I’d talk to a puppy? And why wouldn’t I just keep it real so he knows that my compliments are genuine instead of fake?
Exactly! This video made my blood boil. He’s asking his partner to pander to his fragile ego! “look who has big, strong muscles and makes me feel so safe. Could you be my knight in shining armour and open this jar of pickles. I will tell all your friends how amazing you are”😅
For those women who have a good decent man count your many blessings. While you're at thank their mother for her part in raising a good decent man. I am a single mother of two sons one daughter. My eldest found a wonderful wife who I praise to my son but she also thanks me for raising him the way I did. My youngest son hopefully has found a wonderful young lady. I met her under not very good circumstance. But I told my son to tell her life happens & years from now we can laugh about it. Because I am quite happy if he found a wonderful person. You're right we need to stand behind our men who are good and decent.
I have a very good and decent man, and I'm definitely grateful for him, but it's got nothing to do with his mother as she left him when he was only a couple of years old, and it has nothing to do with his evil, truly, stepmom. It has fully got to do with himself choosing to be a decent man after struggling with active addiction. As a single mom to a now adult son I do wish to take some credit for the man and a partner he had become, but the truth is that it's fully his choices that make him that, and it's not about me. It's a choice they make themselves as adults.
@@carinalindberg7377I too have met many wonderful people who had dreadful parents. I guess the dreadful parents can be given the credit for showing what not to do?
This are perfect for anyone you love: your mum, your girlfriend, your best friend... anyone loves being treated with respect and feel validated in any field such as strengh, knowledge, personality traits...
Wow, talk about cliched. In my best relationship my partner would offer to help so we could solve a problem together. And as far as cars, we built our track cars together....hers had more power. Theme here is similar interests=compatibility. She didnt force herself to ask about cars, she got a sports car and asked how to make it faster. She had absolutely no NEED of me she WANTED me around.
I initially found you on Facebook reels quite some time back and recently realized you have this channel on RU-vid. I am so grateful for your reels and videos. You have truly helped my relationship continue to grow. My fiancee loves your talks too! From the start of our relationship, we were focused on having a conscious relationship with full, open communication, love, respect, and vulnerability. We both work hard on keeping things mutual and talking about everything we need to, never putting it to the side, especially if one of us feels things are inequal. Your videos have helped us learn more ways to explore this and be better partners to each other. Thank you!
Regarding #2, I felt like I discovered a valuable secret when I realized how good it feels to have someone trust your ability to solve your own problems. When I was a young adult, a lot of older folks kept being worried about me and offering help and advice in an overbearing way. So I started telling people things like "I trust you. You're pretty smart and you make good decisions for yourself. I'm here if you need me for support or advice, but even if you make a different decision than I would, I trust you will make a good decision and you can handle this." I think things like that work for friends, family, partners, and often even with children, as their development allows. Everyone likes to feel competent and respected, and they like having the support they need, and being able to reject support that feels overbearing or unnecessary. Good advice all around.
It'll forever baffle me how many people's default is to assume the person they're speaking to is inept.. I'll be praised as smart one moment and then the next I'm talking about a locked door and they'll say "Did you try pushing?" My default is always to assume that people're capable until they give me reason not to..
I don't have a boyfriend and have never had a boyfriend, but when i eventually get one, I want to do all these. I wanna make him feel loved, i wanna spoil him, I wanna boost his confidence. Our relationship will be meaningless if all the support and praise and affection is one sided. I don’t ever wanna make him feel uncared for or ignored or unimportant.
A lot of men nowadays have this fear of showing vulnerability or emotions because of a stigma that they will be seen as unattractive or less of a man. so a good thing to do is to let them know there emotions are just apart of being human and wont be thought of less of a man for just having them. Though this isn't an excuse for someone always asking for emotional safety without reciprocating any in turn
Absolutely hate the word "nag" !. There is such a negative and sexist connotation to that word. What is wrong with saying criticize-men are never called "NAGS"
Right? There's even more words like that. "Always complaining". If everything was fine I would nag or complain. It's actually only a few things that are important. That is order and cleanliness. If he doesn't pick up his own dirty towels every morning I will "nag" every morning. Not difficult.
I love saying "i was just explaining why they shpuld have snatched you up before me" when my husband asks what i was just saying about him to my girlfriends.
This is great, man. I think these ideas do build up without falling into the fake cheesy side. And probably will make a better gift than a toy or a tool out of am impersonal catalog "just to fill in the blank".
Ok, I genuinely struggle with this. I know you are absolutely right with these points but apart form the physical affection that comes naturally to me I can`t bring myself to do it. Because that`s what the rest of the points look and feel like to me: 2) pretend that you are stupid to stroke his ego 3) pretend that you are helpless to stroke his ego 4) pretend you care about some sports team you don`t give a shit about to make him feel like he is more interesting than anyone even just for being a fan of X, to stroke his ego 5) stroke his ego in front of others It feels to me like I am the mother of a toddler who praises him for helpig mommy cook by stirring the spoon a few times and who is so amazed by the three stick figures he drew and who tells to other parents that little Timmy can already tie his shoes, isn`t that amazing? If I get myself to do any of these and the man reacts positively to it I loose every respect for him. I know this seems mean, but that is actually how I experience this. To point 2) I have absolutely no problem asking my partner for his opinion when I actually want and need his perspective on something. I value his opinion when I am not sure about things, otherwise I wouldn`t have chosen him as a partner. To point 3) I am really happy and grateful to get help when I have to carry something seriously heavy, but I will not pretend that I am not able to open the pickle jar by myself. To point 4) I will listen if he talks about something he is passionate about and I will get him that merch of his favorite sports team for his birthday, but I will not pretend to care about or like these things myself. To point 5) I will gloatingly tell my girlfriend who complains about having to cook all the time that my partner is a great cook and just made warm breakfast for us yesterday. But he needs to actually be a great cook for me to say this and I also will only be stoked with this breakfast thing if he did other chores that needed to be done and didn`t just pick the "Look at me I am doing Sunday breakfast" - thing and left all the dirty work to me. If I have to make myself smaller on purpose so that he can feel bigger ... no. I can`t do it without loosing respect for myself for playing that stupid game and loosing respect for him that he is actually happy that I made myself smaller and apparently needs this.
Oh my, are you sure you aren't an Aspie? You sound just like me! I will do things because they are the truth, not to play a game that isn't real for others. I am an Aspie and I have a tool box in my mind, like a filing system, which I refer to in social situations that, as I put it, "keep the wheels of social interaction oiled." I don't laugh at jokes unless they're funny. I don't pretend to like things I don't, but I have a ready response of "it's not my cup of tea, but I respect that you like it." I could go on, but does any of that sound familiar for you? Blurting out the truth *without* malice or to harm another, but because it simply is the truth?
Exactly that. To me it sums up as "be manipulative". My husband by the way is not interested in any of my hobbies, books and interests. Meanwhile I pretend to be interested in detailed politics and cars. Why?
@@caddieohm7059 - Yes, I know what it's called. It isn't what you described. I referred to social situations, not relationships. I don't pretend to have an interest in anything I don't like. As I said, in social situations, I will say "it's not my cup of tea, but I respect that you like it." I wrote the opposite to "masking" which is pretending to enjoy things you don't to fit in.
I think you're just interpreting the tips in a really negative way, to be honest. Love isn't a given just because you're married to your partner. As cliche as it may be, love is like a plant you need to water otherwise it dries up and dies. You even said it yourself, you're grateful when your husband carries heavy things for you -- do you make sure to thank him for doing that? That's what it's about, it's not about making yourself smaller because you can open your own pickle jar (I can too). Thank him when you think he's being actually genuinely helpful (i.e. carrying heavy stuff you would find challenging to carry yourself). I also have different interests than my husband but it doesn't kill me to ask a few questions if he sounds really interested in something once in a while, the same my husband does with me when I'm telling him about a TV show I love or a book I'm reading. It's just small things that make a difference and just communicates how much you love and appreciate him. If you don't communicate those feelings -- be it physically or verbally -- he just won't know... And truthfully, he may go looking for that validation elsewhere.
Highlighting that goodness we see in each other is like a foreign language in today's world... however, when we are able to acknowledge all that goodness we so much love about one another, what happens is that we get more of that goodness!!! and grow❤❤ how great is that? what a great example for our children... thank you for sharing, it was very heartwarming 🤗
It’s been really hard to love my husband. Or to help him feel loved in a way that he wants to reciprocate in a non-sexual way. Because I’m really sensitive to that. Don’t get me wrong or do. I am attracted to my husband or at least when we first got married I was. But I just need more romance and affection. I definitely don’t want to get physical when he gives me nothing in return.
Have you told him this? Like directly? Sat down and had a conversation? Not just subtle hints or mentions of it while he’s doing something else or at the end of his work day when he’s turned his brain off?
Man, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe just skip the physical affection one 😅 The way I see it, sex (even for the man) is SUPPOSED to be about intimacy. If you're gritting your teeth and doing it just for him, then he's not getting intimate with you, he's just using your body as a tool for pleasure. It's great to "please" our men in bed, but you have no obligation (moral or otherwise) to have disconnected, masturbatory sex
@@MayBlake_Channel Exactly. I’m bi and only really into pegging. Couldn’t imagine going at it though if my partner looked miserable or not thrilled af.
Thank you very much! I come from a super religious and conservative family where I was taught that a man should do everything for his woman without expecting anything in return, and we, women should not express our emotions and affection for our men too much, just take care of them and the household (for my parents, that is a way of showing affection and appreciation). Bonus, the topic of romantic relationships was some kind of “taboo” at home, so I never got the chance to talk to my parents about it. Because of that, sometimes it feels a bit hard and bizarre for me to show some kind of appreciation towards my boyfriend. Like, I feel like he is the more active person in the relationship and on the other side there is me, who barely knows how to engage in one. He says something nice to me and I look at him and feel that I have to say something back, but I don’t know what, because I don’t know how he’ll take my reply
It can feel a bit odd to say something nice as a response to something that someone has just said to you. If you can't think of something that you genuinely feel, just wait until you actually feel some genuine appreciation for him (in can be a gesture he makes for you or for someone else, it can be his looks, etc.) If you genuinely feel it, you won't even need to think about it before you say it. Just allow yourself to be spontaneous and give voice to your feelings.
Women like all these things too, including the physical strength or an equivalent, like intelligence. Humans need love and thoughtfulness and all these suggestions are about respect and thinking about the other person. Very glad you added about the abusive relationships though, I did these lovely things but they were used against me. Hopefully I'll find someone who enjoys them without any manipulation. 😊
Great list. I would add, take me out and plan everything, or keep me in and plan everything. Include things that I like, massage for example. I have done this for women and they have loved it, but I think I'm not the only guy who would also love having it done for me.
I have been separated from my husband for 5 months. Having just watched this I realise that I have probably not been as supportive as I could have been. However I have also just watched the break up vid and he has equally not prioritised me. I am starting to think that we got ourselves into a cycle of not prioritising each other which has resulted in our separation. He has now started to spend time with a female friend. And while I could not say that I felt valued in my relationship I think that he probably didn't feel valued either. I wonder if this could be selvedged in time or best to draw a line under our 21 year marriage?
Spending time with the female friend is not good. Trust me when I tell you he's already having sex with her, probably has for a long time, and you just didn't know about it. It's all over but the paperwork.
Let it go. When a man wants you, he puts in the effort. In 4 months he hasn't made an attempt to salvage things and is already with someone. Please accept reality. He is not "spending time"... He is having a relationship. It's good that you recognise your faults re: the relationship, but he has to recognise his too, and desire to change. Otherwise, you will be pursuing a very lopsided relationship, where you will be over investing, and spinning wheels in mud. Usually when a relationship has passed a certain negative point, it's just best to leave it alone.....heal and do better next time.
I wouldn't listen to any of the negative comments here. Him spending time with someone else only Max's that he's trying to move on because it's what you decided on. It doesn't mean it's what he actually wants, nor does it means he's already had sex with her and that is being going on for a long time, and it most certainly doesn't mean that even if he had sex with her that it is what he wants to continue having. My partner and I broke up after six years together, not because we didn't love each other but because we kind of lost ourselves and we didn't know how to fix it. We decided to start dating each other again while not committing to anything and while being free to see others. I still don't know for sure that he was seeing someone else during this time, although some things suggested that he did, but what I do know is that he chose me in the end, which is what's important. We moved back in with each other after 17 months and we made the decision to not look back, to create a new relationship, to focus on ourselves first while also supporting each other and do things like Jimmy is talking about in this video. 6+ years after we moved back in together we are still getting happier with each year. So whatever you feel is the way for you, just know to not take advice from those who haven't actually saved there relationship, reconnected on a different level, and moved behind the past because they don't know what's possible. This of us who, though, we know. ❤️🙏
With the first tip when you said “no surprise” I thought you were saying your tip was “no surprise physical contact”. I was surprised, I thought it’d be nice. Then I watched again and realised you meant “no surprise, the first tip is physical contact”
I love how "carefully" you word things. I'm sure you learned those things through some uncomfortable to read comments but I think you've learned this technique beautifully.
My husband loves it when I tell him I really like his cooking. He prefers to cook and also, I’m happy to let him do it. He is proud of his cooking and I want to encourage him.
To your point about making sure we open our eyes to the good being done by our partner: Gottman Institute mentioned how in poor relationships, partners notice significantly less good and positive things about each other or their actions than is noticed in healthy relationships.
That's so true! I've only ever been in 1 relationship, but I've gotten so much healthier in it. And in my unhealthier times I definitely was more critical of my husband and now I see so much more the good in him
Wow, have just discovered your channel. I have done so much research on narcissism from the pros but you have revealed some extra gems, love the short about a narcissist being honest about thdmselves. Pure gold right there. Suggestion, please make a recording of you talking about the stock market so I can get some sleep too! !😂 😂😂😂
I usually ask my guy for his advice on all the things he's much better at than I am. Like the best ways to talk to some people about things that bother me, because he's so much better at keeping his cool than I am. I also always ask him about anything having to do with the vehicle, anything having to do with long-term planning, and I try to remember to always ask him if he likes an idea I have of things I want to do. Not because I need his approval, but because I really want him to feel like his opinions and his advice matter to me. Because they do. ❤
Great video, thank you. It strikes me how dehumanised men have been made to seem when a video like this really brings a sense of colour and humanity back to them. As a dehumanised entity, they just seem like a dangerous threat; as a humanised 3-dimensional person with feelings and desires of their own, they seem just like us. I think this effect works vice versa too, both men and women seem very afraid of each other these days, even despite their strong enduring desire for each other.
I appreciate this video so much, thank you! It helps to hear from a man what men want/need and it is often difficult to find out by asking directly. Also, I am probably not the only one who would definitely subscribe if you ever wanted to start a stock market channel.
This was so precious and insightful, thank you! The disclaimer was also very welcome, as I had relationships where I kept trying to 'get it right', love him better, more, be more understanding etc and the truth is it was unhealthy, making me constantly feel like im not enough. Blessings on your marriage 🙏🤍
So its hilarious that I have never thought of these. But each example you gave, I immediately thought about how that applies to my husband in a certain way. I feel a bit like a doofus for not seeing it before! There's so much more i could be doing for him while asking him to step up for me. Thank you!
How does this work if you don't have a lot of interests in common? For example, your man is into guns and politics, but you'd rather talk about your next crochet project or the book you're currently reading 🥴
Another one we do is share good past memories - favorite quotes, funny moments, proud events, etc. Also, sharing a list of traits we like about each other.
I love my sweetie's driving I hug him every time it occurs to me I notice everything he does for me and often give a listed thank you I write him letters detailing the deeper ways i appreciate him I love learning from him I tell him how handsome he is I make things for him I tell him how great our life is I consciously include him in my amorous fantasies I day-dream about him We've been together with our third partner for 18 years. Our family is safe, nurturing, comfortable and we encourage each other in all our ambitions and plans. 4 years ago i was diagnosed w stage 4 cancer. We didn't need to change a thing. All i want to do is keep living this grateful, happy life with my partners exactly as we have been. If that's not a sign you've been doing it right all along i don't know what would be.
I feel like this list is SO spot on and definitely resonates with my husband. I tend to be a bit critical sometimes so it's something I need to catch myself doing or thinking even before it happens but physical touch and making him feel like he's respected and valued for his contributions are big ones for him.
So, funny story! Just like everything else, this doesn’t work on narcissists! I mean it does at first, but eventually they start feeling the need to abuse you regardless of how much you build them up. That was a confusing and painful lesson to learn!
Thank you so much Jimmy! I really appreciate you sharing these information with us! Last few days I have been binge watching your videos and they are really helping me to strengthen my relationship with my husband. I truly want to understand him in a way that I can support him to be happy in this relationship.
This video is a 10/10! Thank you so much for sharing this information. I like how you address that these tips may not apply to those who are needing to set boundaries and are not in a safe relationship to extend love and affection. But for others who are in a relationship that is safe but want improvement, these are wonderful tips. Great video!
Don't try this with the narcissistic type. You ask for help, he agrees, withholds and then basically says, "Why can't you do anything for yourself?" You initiate affection, he pushes you off. Etc. It backfires with them.
2:52 this is SO crucial. Mentioning this point makes this video, heads and tails above other videos of lists like this. Identifying that there is a difference when someone is in a relationship where they don’t feel like they are not chronically neglected, or feel emotionally abused and when they feel safe. Doing these things doesn’t apply in those situations and it wouldn’t actually work. What works in those situations is to directly deal with the problem-either have direct difficult conversations or seek therapy, yesterday. The relationship and your mental health is on life-support and you cannot engage in these under such circumstance. It likely wouldn’t even work.
Yeah, did all that and still do with my ex. But he just couldn't handle being a dad on a daily basis...he's great as a part time dad but couldn't manage it every day. Ridiculous that my kids think he's a hero just because he can manage to shine occasionally but they totally take it for granted that I do more every day than he does in a month...but hey ho, I still feel grateful that my kids feel that their dad is there for them. It hurts me but it supports them and that's ultimately what matters, and he is still 100 x better than a lot of dads so I will absolutely give him that. He's not perfect but neither am I and I appreciate the time I had with him when we were together and also the positive relationship he had with our kids. There are definitely some good men out there, they may be flawed but arent we all?
The bragging one is excellent I think but the only caveat would be that you not reduce yourself in the process. My husband has a tendency to brag about me to others. We have both gotten into fitness in the last couple of years, more because we wanted to be able to live and do more together, and he was bragging at work about my curl weight, and how it matched his (he has shoulder problems), which I found out when his coworker mentioned it. I just replied that he’d blow my numbers out of the water if he didn’t have a pain restriction and that there is no way I could do the 5 mile daily runs he does. It made him a happy camper and didn’t cut down the achievements of either one of us.
I'm learning that I did everything right for my man in my last relationship. I consider it a personal best, and I was gentle, dignified and calm at our recent breakup, before I gave him radio silence. My new man will be in for a treat, as he'll have the best version of me so far. Thanks for the relationship tutorial Jimmy.
I love this channel. I really love all the positivity and sane, reasonable advice as well as your openness about past mistakes. As a woman who has gone through abusive and toxic relationships, I have found many of your videos extremely healing. I love this one in particular, though, because it is a reminder of what I can do better (and how I can be a better equal partner) if I should ever find the courage to become romantically involved with someone again. Thank you for making these videos.
I watched this incredibly sad and tragic video...on several levels of a woman who "transitioned" to become a man and in the video she sobs about how lonely it is being a guy. How much easier it is to connect as a woman to get hugs as a woman. And how come no one told her it was so lonely. I'm not trying to make this post about how toxic and tragic gender ideology is but she revealed something...and she said no wonder male suicide rates are higher. Jimmy shared a positive message and I don't want to be negative or depressing, but there was some sad truth she learned the hard way...and she threw in a comment about "getting it"..." Because white men deserve it" 😳😞 So...yeah, she transformed herself into what she feels is okay to vilify. So tragic. I'm praying for this poor soul. But here is what I want to say, yesterday I went to the po to pick up my mail. And just to preface this, I'm 61, gray haired...and I saw this guy maybe in his 40s, and I just smiled and said hello, how are you? And he reciprocated but also said, thank you. Kinda broke my heart. Why, because it struck me as a thank you for asking, for noticing. He was not a man women would typically give any attention too. It's important to be kind. I loved this video.
It is important to be kind so long u are discerning what kind of ppl u deal with. In my country many ppl that are retired fall pray to bad ppl. Maybe u are not that naive but this is not a piece of advice that can be generally used. Also some ppl may misinterpret a woman's kindness or smile even if she is older, i speak out of my grandmother experience with a so-called 50year old nice neighbour while she was in her early 80ies. No charges were made at the police by her or by the other old lonely village ladies he abused as old ppl are way more shameful but she died soon after out of depression. And yes, some men in my extended family said "why was she then laughing at his jokes? They must know better what was going on between themselves". As if my old lonely grandma was looking for affairs with younger men and an "accident" happened in their relationship. Pls be careful when giving advice as some ppl are naive and believe a smile from someone is equal to good intentions. As for ppl changing gender, the shock is natural. I have heard of men changing to women and then regretting it terribly bc they were disrepected by ppl but mostly by men. So there should be some info out there about the changes in life one experiences as soon as they have a new gender bc ppl and relations between ppl are very complex.
The quotes and misgendering is unnecessary. If someone says they're something, the least you can do is extend the courtesy to acknowledge that. If I have a goofy nickname, you wouldn't ignore it or use air quotes, right? You have the all the reasons in the world to think it's stupid or weird, but just be kind okay? Transexual folks have the highest suicide rates because of people like you who keep telling them, showing them, and ignoring them for what they keep telling you they are. It has zero impact on your life to call A F2M a he or him. Why is a few syllables so hard?
The other day i was close to a supermarked so i went and bought some things that my boyfriend likes. I also have hidden chocolate eggs in his bedroom for no specific reason. And when he was working on his thesis i would leave little post-it notes with words of affirmations. He seemed to enjoy all of those things and i know he feels loved. He does similar things for me☺️ we also decided to give each others gifts over the course of the year instead of on our anniversary. It takes the pressure off of that one day and makes several other days in the year more special
We learned that my husband does best with a kind reminder a month before an event (mothers day, my birthday, our anniversary) from my mom in order to give a gift or plan something. Gift giving is not his love lanuage (like he scored a 2), and yet, when reminded, he gives great gifts. Still, I love these ideas for future "gifts", and just day to day reminders.
Why should someone have to remind another adult about birthdays? Does he have a phone? Does he know how to schedule reminders? This is basic human stuff, tired of men getting a pass, because ‘gift giving is t their love language’ seriously.
@@down-to-earth-mystery-schoolhe’s not getting a pass. He’s still showing his love by giving gifts (great gifts, according to OP). If the system in place is working for them and everyone is happy, HOW he’s being reminded doesn’t matter.
There are people struggling with dates, my husband is amazing in remembering them, I'm not. Of course I have my workarounds, but it is still difficult and a timer is often not a enough, a small conversation with someone about it and I will surely remember.
@JimmyonRelationships , my husband needs at least 3 weeks "notice". This year he actually ordered my birthday present 3 months in advance, just so he would not forget. But then forgot about our anniversary, which is exactly 1 month before my birthday. But he does try. He ordered all the Christmas gifts for myself and the 3 kids. But left the extended family for me to do as they did not fall on his radar. 😅
I think these are great tips! I do a lot of these naturally, but my relationship is only a year or so old hahaha we don't live together, and we live 2 hours apart. Every chunk of time together is very lovey and bliss-ee. But it gets harder to be positive when you're in the thick of life, and easier to forget how to appreciate a partner. So it's a good reminder that a great way to keep the romance and the love alive is to see your partner the way you did when you first fell in love. And the best way to see them that way, is to do so many of these steps. Listen with care, flirt with them, let them help you, and tell them (and everyone else) how great they are! There's nothing worse than hearing two people snipe and take jabs at each other. Especially the old, "he's terrible at cooking. Hes never on time. She is such a nag. Youre just like your mother you cant stand. You'd be lost without me. He doesnt even KNOW where the washing machine IS. Haha, just kidding". Yeah, wow. Hilarious joke. My boyfriend loves to clean the house and help with dinner when I'm over because he appreciates that I made the drive. And I am so charmed by those little efforts that our appreciation and romance cycles are always on repeat. Arguments and disagreements happen, but they don't disrupt the cycle like they have for me in the past when I wasn't as committed or genuinely invested in intimacy and appreciating who I was with.
I love this. Thank you, not just for the content of this, but for the way you convey it and your authenticity. And thank you extra for how you prefaced it. It's so important for many women and men out there to know what the starting point is for advice such as this. I'm not in a relationship right now, but I still want to know this, in addition to making sure I ask for things I need in a relationship. Your content fills me with optimism. Kudos and please continue!
I have spent our entire 6.5 years trying to encourage and push my husband to see himself as a man and feel like a real man, and he has changed so much since our wedding and has become more motivated and more the type of man he has wanted to be. The encouragement and trust in your husband's ability or potential is absolutely huge! I just assume he can do anything he chooses, and he has never failed yet. I get criticism on why I would trust him to do things, like cutting my hair to save money, and I don't get why more women don't encourage their husbands to do anything. I mean, in the end, like cutting my hair... it's just hair.
I trusted an ex to give my long hair a little trim of the ends, and he literally cut it off to my neck. I was traumatised. It took longer to grow my hair back than the relationship lasted.
Thank you for this! I am not even in a relationship but I don’t understand why people don’t generally treat one another this way normally. I do. It makes me happy to make someone else’s reality better. It’s a win-win! Feels great!
My first husband wouldn’t do anything for me in May because “It’s Mother’s Day, not Wife’s Day. You’re not my mother.” But then he expected to be treated like a king on Father’s Day. My now and forever husband won’t celebrate Father’s Day because he had a lousy father who doesn’t deserve to be celebrated. He doesn’t seem to get that we’re trying to celebrate him, not his father. So how can I honor him when he doesn’t want to acknowledge the occasion?
I'm sorry to hear that your husband has this emotional wound that he's accidentally holding onto. Perhaps just helping him to feel honored and appreciated regularly, even daily, could help. Blessings to you both.💕
My husband is the most considerate, thoughtful man. (Usually. 😂) Unfortunately, he's not very vocal or demonstrative about his needs/ wants, so I often worry if I'm making HIM happy- even though I try to do all of these things. I'm sending this to him, hoping to get some feedback. Thanks!
Same about my husband (he can b clueless, too, but the heart and effort is definitely there and getting better) would love to send it to him but he's not fluent in English
I’m not gonna treat a man who is supposed to be my partner like a child. I’m also not gonna ask him to fix some thing that I can fix myself. Just like I expect him not to do the same. And I will definitely brag about someone if it is warranted. I’m not going to throw someone a softball… As you said… What you meant to say is throw them a bone… Just to make them feel better about themselves especially since men do not do the reverse. It will be an equitable relationship, or it won’t be one at all.
I'm feelin' pretty good that I try to do most of this organically with my man most of the time, but also makes me a little sad since I could use a little more of some of this in return, like sharing my interests more, caring about my opinions/judgement, talking me up to others, but he is pretty cuddly and it's rarely just in the pursuit of sexy times, he compliments my smarts, and thinks I'm pretty handy, so we have our strengths
... The driving thing isn't just a dumb outdated stereotype? This is actually a common thing in hetero relationships? ... Why not just ask about something a guy actually is competent in? It doesn't feel belittling to have a woman feign dumb?
I so appreciate your careful distinction between safe and unsafe relationships. Before finding your videos, I would never have classified my 1st marriage as unsafe because I wasn’t physically or verbally abused. But now I know I felt emotionally unsafe, and that’s why nothing worked with him, despite my best efforts. He simply wasn’t interested. It really highlights why my current partner feels like he’s from a different planet. He’s SO safe (and I do tell him that on the reg! 😆) There’s this drawing I saw somewhere of an old couple sitting on a bench in the rain, facing away from each other. The old man is clearly angry, but he’s still holding his umbrella behind him over the old woman’s head. Love, trust, and respect, even when times are tough. That’s safety. May we all have relationships like that. 🥰
I love you video and agree with everything you said. But you have no idea the amount of men . That women just can not have this type of relationship with. Women go into relationships with this same attitude and energy in mind. But the man would just sabotage and destroy the whole relationship. There are men that take a woman to the point of nagging or begging. When the whole time she has been patient and supportive. And men overlook and neglect her efforts. And one thing women hate is to have to nag a man. Bc that makes a woman feel like . She is not with a man. It makes her feel like she is with a man child. And for us it literally disgusting and repulsive. To be sexually attracted and /or have sex with a man child. Once a man takes a woman to this point it is too late. It just a matter of time, for her to leave the man. Bc when she was politely and peacefully addressing her concerns. To keep the relationship in a healthy place for both of you. Those concerns most of the time. Went right over the man child’s ears. So this is the time when you see the woman. Packing up her stuff and heading towards the door. And this is when the man is like going. Hey, were are you going ? What’s wrong? Women do not want to feel like we are your mothers and then have sex with you. It is repulsive to us. And I know this bc this happened to me in my marriage. I got to the point, that I no longer. Wanted to have sex with him. And when I did and only bc he would harass me for sex. It literally felt like incest and rape. I would literally bury face in a pillow or I would tell him. To wait for bedtime sex. So it would be dark in our room. So he wouldn’t see my face of disgust or crying. Your video makes it sound so easy and tangible. But the truth is the more you complement and build up a man. The more he thinks , he is doing just fine. And doesn’t need to change anything.
this is so reassuring. I'm in a new relationship and it's the first serious one for both of us, and he's so great to me and I'm always scared I don't give him enough or love him right, but I just found out I do all the things your mentioned, naturally. it's so simple when you actually love a person. you just love them. and he does all these things for me as well. it's all so new and overwhelming but I think we're in for a good one
My man is literally my puzzle piece. From day 1 we just fit to the point of finishing each other’s sentences. We can be goofy without judgement. His love languages are touch & food. He treats me like gold and vice versa. Every day that goes by, I tell him I love him and any opportunity to snuggle & more ie sexy time that I can, oh boy do I ever and vice versa. I can’t imagine my life without him. Neglect in any form can kill any relationship. If you don’t like what you’re getting in your relationship, change what you’re giving.
That's really good, and the last sentence is key, I subsrcibe to that! I love how Jimmy's videos are also about that in funny, entertaining and clever ways.
It's actually nice to hear that my effort wasn't all for not. I think I'm pretty good at doing all of these things rather regularly. Now it's just a matter of feeling like I've done enough work on myself to not choose an unhealthy/toxic partner where none of those things will ever be "good enough".
There is also the option of asking "Would you like me to ask someone for directions?" I've been both told no and yes on different occasions, but it can take a bit of stress out of taking advice when offered respectfully.
The part about complimenting competence is really accurate. It's spot on. It makes the man feel so masculine, because his woman trusts his lead and his judgement, it's heartwarming.
I love this. You often support women in troubled relationships but it’s nice to know you have things to share to support all the basically good guys out there.
“You’ve always gotten me home up until this point, you got this babe.” Is legit what I say anytime there’s confusion With a follow up “Where do you need me” Something as easy as a hand on his thigh to remind him I’m present for the frustration
