5 Harmful Behaviors That Are Actually Your Trauma Response 

"Trauma is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you" -- Dr. Gabor Maté

Social withdrawal is my main go-to. Socializing is just so exhausting, emotionally and physically.

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

"Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma" - Robin Williams

What I’ve learned is that what got me called “airhead” and “head in the clouds” as a kid was probably a freeze response the whole time. Damn.

Time stamps 0:35 social withdrawal 1:10 lashing out 1:50 overworking yourself 2:24 freezing up 3:10 fawning Edit:tysm for all the likes:) I never thought I would get 1k! I hope everyone reading this has a good day:D Edit 2: tysm for 2k

I realized how f***ed up I am. I need a lot of emotional healing.

1. Social Withdrawal ✅️ 2. Lashing Out ✅️, Anger ✅️, Sadness ✅️, Fear ✅️ and Anxiety ✅️ 3. Over Working Yourself, at work, Yes ✅️! At home I do nothing that doesn't absolutely have to be done! 4. Freezing up ✅️ Dissociating ✅️, Zoning Out ✅️, Brain Fog ✅️, Emotionally Numb ✅️, Decisions Making ✅️ & Taking Action ✅️, Paralyzing Fear of Trying New Things 5. Fawning ✅️ Doing Things You Don't Want To ✅️, Over Apologizing ✅️, Struggling To Say No ✅️, Difficulty Expressing Your Own Needs and Feelings ✅️ & FEELING GUILTY ABOUT RECEIVING HELP FROM OTHERS! ✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️

To anyone struggling with fawning: They're gonna love you just the same, even if you aren't constantly revolving around them. In fact, it helps if you're not. And if they get angry when you don't cater to their every whim, then they aren't worth keeping. You can do it! ❤️

Childhood trauma has really made me see the world as this evil place run by bullies. Feels like everyone’s out to get me and most of the time I feel like I shouldn’t be here. Just wanna get out of here already…

Depression haunted my life from a very young age, and I was put on a bunch of SSRIs as a child in attempt to deal with it. None worked. Psychedelic mushrooms was brought to my attention. It was the first thing that actually had real effects. They should only be used with great care and respect.

"Does any of this resonate with you" you went down a fucking play by play of things I do for 4 minutes straight, I am in tears.

My life is a trauma response.

Everything changed for me when I was 17. My confidence, goofiness and sunny personality took a dwindle. I now realize it was due to the emotional abuse I was suffering for 3 years from a toxic relationship and a friend group that only wanted to see me if we were getting high. It’s really really difficult to be myself now and I never tell anybody out of fear I’ll have to explain myself and be vulnerable again. If anyone’s reading this, thanks for listening.

Great! Now I am a Introvert with social Anxiety , depressed, overwhelmed by work, stressed, and also experiencing Trauma

Fawning leads to self-loathing. The misery grows deeper.

Let's break down the stigma around discussing trauma. Share a piece of advice or encouragement for others who might be going through a similar journey.

In elementary school we had a teacher that picked out students, me included. She would constantly scream at us, saying we are not good enough, we will never make it. She would even grab us by our necks, pushing our heads on the desk. Nobody believed us and she threatened us to tell nobody. Some students switched schools and my mother moved me one class down after illicitly waiting in front of our class and listening to her screaming. Still this took one year for me. She was at this school for 3 years until other teachers noticed her strange behavior and it came to light that she got fired at 2 schools already. At high school i had a teacher that looked and spoke in a similar way like the one back then and i had panic attacks in her class but nobody noticed. I realized this when I was 22 and long out of school. Till this day i have problems when someone is calling my name loudly and if I have to calculate something right now (she was a math teacher so ..) Even when I accomplish something great I can´t be happy about it, because i get the feeling that I´m not good enough. Sometimes I don´t get my behavior either and i have no one that understands me, I panic when somebody gets too close, and I always think people are not trustworthy because i never experienced a real friendship or something like that. Your videos help me to understand myself more and are a bit like therapy to me. I don´t have a therapist here. Thank you for your hard work!

in a perpetual freeze response due to childhood trauma, chronic non-penetrative SA, and most recently, rape. the part mentioned under “freeze” about feeling unable to escape is so true. i face so much panic and distress over feeling unable to escape from places (like other people’s houses), and even unable to escape (being alive in) such a cruel and unsafe world. This freeze state has seriously impacted so many areas of my life, including school, my job, and finances due to decreased earning ability (still can’t manage a full time job due to extreme brain fog and exhaustion) + increased psychological / psychiatric treatment expenses. i froze during my rape after trying to fend him off and cry and tell him to stop did absolute nothing (and was instead thrown back in my face by him telling me to “cry harder”). I remember just freezing and dissociating so intensely. Then the fawn response kicked in, and to this day i feel so disgusted with myself for trying to appease him - I wasn’t even consciously doing it, it was just automatic, like someone who knew what to do had taken over. I feel complicit. I hate trauma. I hate being a person carrying trauma within me, becoming a cancer to myself and everyone around me and everything I touch.

shoutout to my "friends" who treated me like i was just being lazy and inconsiderate for my tendancy to isolate

2:25 I’m glad freezing up was mentioned! That one isn’t talked about enough. Especially when people also talk about “fight or flight”. I always believe there is a third option which is freeze!

I definitely have responded/respond in some form of all of these behaviors. It took me until my late 20s to realize that what I had gone through wasn't just shitty things and bad luck or bad communication. It was constant contact with toxic people and always being taken for granted or being overlooked.

This makes me cry. I have the 3 symptoms: at first freezing up and fawning (since childhood), and in the last decade: social withdrawal. I keep telling myself that I'm mastering the ability to be alone without being lonely. Yes, when I'm busy with all my projects and hobbies, I feel happy for awhile, living alone and away from others like a true hermit, my best friends are my cats (who will never betray me, I hope...) But deep, deep inside...I know that sometimes I feel very, very lonely. Because nobody really understands me, besides myself... 😢 I am trying so hard to love and accept myself, and to be either stoic or totally a clown (depends on when and where I was) in public, to show others that I'm happy and moved on. And that's one of the reason why I became a hermit, because I don't have to put on masks when I'm alone at home. So people won't know that I actually feel unworthy of love and secretly craving for someone to sincerely loved and cared for this old, fat, wrecked garbage for who she truly was, to appreciate her other than because they need something from this people pleaser... Sometimes I just want to sleep and never wake up again. I learned a lot from the internet/RU-vid, I know most of the theories, but applying it in real life is not as easy as the experts said. I just want to be peaceful nowadays, and not worrying about the fact that I am truly alone in this world...

My therapist once said that “trauma is not just events, but what occurs inside your body and brain afterwards”. I have PTSD among other things and I never knew your brain was physically changed until recently.

I had a learning disability growing up, whenever I asked for help I was constantly told that I was just “lazy and didn’t wanna do the work” whenever I’d get a bad grade I was punished severely for it, but it’s only because I never received the help I wanted for the material I had issues with. I have a really hard time asking for help for anything now.

Depression hurts...

The world is indeed a DANGEROUS AND DISTRUSTFUL PLACE

The hardest part is accepting that something traumatic has happened to you. I blamed myself for years because my feelings were never validated and my abusers were. It took 6 years for those same people to realize what she did to me.

Childhood bullying cause me to not trust people or their intentions. Still healing from this😢.

I'm crying... I've been fawning since I was born into this world... I need resources for help but I'm scared of accepting it out of fear of being in a deeper hole than before.

My therapist told me that what I thought was just a negative part of my personality was actually a trauma response, and watching this made me realize she’s right

I suffered from fawning a lot. I’m getting better about not always trying to please people all the time, especially my girl friend (even tho I try my best to always be there for her and please her when able). Being able to communicate how I’m feeling in the moment instead of internalizing them has helped me a lot.

I knew I had major trauma due to many things throughout my life but never knew it could manifest like this.

I went through a lot of trauma, basically my entire life unfortunately, BUT the positive that came out of it is that I’ve learned how to cope and manage that trauma. Some of the best advice that I can give to anyone reading this and struggling with that trauma is to find something that you love. It could be ANYTHING. Reading, writing, something artistic, going for walks, listening to music. Anything that brings even just the slightest bit of joy to you. And once you bring that joy to yourself a little bit more each day, it helps relieve that trauma. And then when you feel comfortable, push one step forward. Don’t rush into doing anything you aren’t ready for, because it will only set you back 5 steps compared to the 1 you just took. You got this ❤

The truth is, I have all these toxic traits except for overworking myself, especially when I'm in a situation I can't handle. School work has been stressful lately, and to be honest, I'm tired of it all together. When I fail, I break down and spiral into a place where I don't easily get out. I socially withdraw myself and physically punish myself by not eating. I see myself as incapable of anything and end up thinking I'm so useless that disappearing might be the wisest decision. I lash out at others without meaning to, and instead of overworking, I drown myself in a sea of RU-vid videos just to get my mind off the problem at hand. I'm too nice for my own good, so when I lash out, I break down into tears, say sorry, and run away. After that incident, I try my best to make up for my brash response. I run away when people confront me about these issues. It's not that I haven't told my friends, but I feel like talking to them about the same topic every day is tiring. I don't want to wait for them to say it themselves, so I stopped altogether. And it's progressively becoming worse every day. What do I do? I feel like giving up. I can't talk to my parents about it, and I think telling my friends again will produce more problems rather than solving the existing ones. Should I just disappear? It seems like a great option. I don't know; I just wanted to rant.

My motto: It is better to be alone than with BAD companions!

During high school, I had two big group of friends, then got rejected by them all for unintentionally hitting on a girl I liked and calling someone a slur, when I didn’t. It flooded my brain with so much guilt and distress that I hide my past self by becoming an emo boy, which I still am.

It’s kind of scary how accurately this relates to me. The most traumatic thing I have been through is my dad passing, and yet all this relates to me

I have CPTSD from a chaotic childhood and parents who were in volatile relationships who abused and neglected me. Almost all of these show up when I get triggered and even when I don't feel like I'm triggered. I have a hard time expressing my feelings and I have social anxiety so bad I used to have meltdowns over doing everyday things. If you have trauma but are undiagnosed, you are not alone! Highly recommend therapy and learning how to regulate your emotions and unlearn behaviors used for survival in traumatic childhoods.

1. Social Withdrawal (0:35) 2. Lashing Out (1:10) 3. Overworking Yourself (1:49) 4. Freezing Up (2:24) 5. Fawning (3:10) Have a lovely day, thank you for the information road! ♥

Honestly, I related to different parts of this video and it honestly triggered something inside of me. My trauma was deep only because I was so young. I want everyone to know that it's going to be okay and you can get better and enjoy life! Everyone has had some type of trauma and no matter how "small" others/even you think it is, it's still something that you went through. It was real to you and that's what's important. Don't ever let anyone make you feel as if what you went through wasn't serious. Also know that you're going to be okay :) you just have to work at it.

Anger: over what happened, as well as anger at the help that was withheld from you. I can really relate to that. I can also relate to the part about work. I used work to avoid my pain for a long time. I also worked in some pretty stressful and toxic situations, which kept me from healing. Getting out of a work environment like that has helped me immensely.

I used to have a friend who showed some of these signs. He was very introverted and withdrawn and he would lash out a lot. I had experienced something traumatic during my very l8 childhood and I am currently in therapy. My therapist is trying to help me to get better. I am now afraid that people will scold me and discipline me when I don’t do what they say. I struggle to stand up for myself out of fear that people will get mad at me. I try so hard just to stay on everyone’s good side, and a lot of times I feel like my friends are controlling me and being bossy and I have issues trusting that people will respect my boundaries. Sometimes I feel like people don’t care about my boundaries, and they just want me to do what they want

i relate to all these videos so much i wish i didn’t because i don’t like being traumatised

As a person who’s a maladaptive daydreamer who usually fawns, i had no idea these were trauma responses. Thank you

The good thing about these kinds of channels and therapy in general is we get a clearer mirror image to fix ourselves. For example, after therapy, my response from trauma was aggression and emotional instability. I’ve worked really hard and continue to, everyday, to recognize it, dismiss it and see the problems as puzzles, not frustrations. 😊

I started bawling my eyes out during this video because I do every single thing said in this.

I used to notice a couple of these signs in myself a bunch about 2 years ago. I remember I used to almost straight up become emotionless anytime there was an argument between a couple of my family members (mainly my dad and my older brother, they’re nice but both got big ego,) there was one time I randomly zoned out in the middle of a conversation with one of my cousins (it was one of the weirdest feelings ever,) I’d daydream a TOOOON throughout the day, especially before I went to sleep too keep from ruminating on how absolutely horrific Attack on Titan is, and definitely had a harder time making decisions for myself, mainly on what I was going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner if my mom or dad didn’t have anything planned. Now a couple years later, all of that has died down considerably. I do still have a little trouble trying to figure out what the hecc I want to eat since literally NOTHING IS NEW and I find myself still daydreaming before I go to sleep. Honestly though, there are sometimes when I’m actually kind of glad I accidentally watched AoT 3-4 years ago. If I had never seen AoT, I wouldn’t be into horror games as much as I am now, I would never have daydreamed so much and made up amazing stories that I still love looking back on, because of the constant daydreaming, I love writing now and am working on a really cool fanfic with one of my besties, hecc, I would never have even created my persona! All the cool interests I have today are because of a silly scary thing I watched when I was younger. It’ll always be a part of who I am and I’m okay with that 💜 (sorry for the essay lol)

This is EXACTLY what has happened since my husband passed away 6 months ago at the age of 38. 😔 I've been completely distanced from anything social, go into major episodes of brain fog/disassociation & am fawning over everyone I come in contact with. Ugh, trauma sucks. At least I can see the issues, though. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I really appreciate these videos.

...eyeing anyone that looks important, and making sure they're not about to attempt something malicious that would be an abuse of power. If they act too suspiciously, leave before they can zero in.

Recognizing trauma symptoms is fairly easy. But finding a therapist who is actually any good at helping someone manage it is the biggest challenge.

Yeah, I checked all of them. Childhood trauma is really something I had unknowingly suppressed for years. However, I am healing myself and surrounding myself with people who truly care about me and my well-being.

i got bullied, beat up a lot in grade school for stupid reasons and i made the mistake of not telling my parents our close people about it, even til now. it made me see the world around me differently, its like i constantly feel the need to steer clear from people, thinking they would harm me. ive been struggling with the 1st, 3rd and 4th behaviors as shown in the video, but watching this made me realize why ive been like that

As a survivor of childhood trauma, at age 51 it is only in the last few months I have allowed myself the graceto see how it has affected me, my behaviors, and my perception of the world. These are excellent examples. Thank you.

Fawning and freezing up is my most common response to people randomly talking to me, or just talking to me I’m general

I feel lucky that I've no one else to support me so I've forced myself to get over it on my own. Now I'm feeling a lot better and have over come all these issues you've mentioned. There is life at the end so don't anyone give up. You can get better. This video is spot on, thank you for validating me ❤💙💜💚👍☯️

The last two hit way too close to home. I always freeze up when I feel like someone’s disappointed with me and feel my eyes tear up even if they aren’t actually mad. My parents always had a common saying “We’re not fusing at you” and tbh most times it felt that way to me. And the last one, I have a heard time telling people no and pleasing them before they ask me of anything. I thought maybe it was because I was introverted but I would more than often help others when they wouldn’t help me. Say yes to things I was very uncomfortable with and I still feel awkward asking for help. I’m slightly better now but I still feel like I don’t speak up enough. Even if I do people get surprised by it and it always makes me feel weird for it.

Fawning is my trauma response. Very much had to keep the peace in my family. Took me a long time to recognize that my grandmother was emotionally abusive, and I'm still trying to undo all the bad habits I picked up from living under her roof ten years after moving out and three years after her death. Abuse in every form is awful.

Omg that is me! Thank you for presenting this video. I was hoping you can add a video about how we become aware of our responses and how to cope with our thoughts, emotions, and stresses.

I unfortunately went through the trauma of having fake friends for 6 years who gaslighted me and wanted nothing more than to watch me suffer. I’ve hurt a lot of people because of how it’s changed me :(

My ex-best friend was the one who helped me through trauma at the time. She made me feel loved despite my emotional baggage, didn't care about my trauma, and taught me to have faith in others. The she went on to defend the guy who r*ped me, accused me of lying, then broke off our friendship and used my childhood and recent traumas as an explanation of why I suddenly became unloveable. She is now a therapist. That was almost 3 years ago, and I'm still struggling to let people in, and still battle everyday with the belief that I'm unloveable because of all my trauma. I really don't have much faith in myself, or people anymore.

When I was in an abusive relationship O did all these things. I still have a tendency to flup back into some of the behaviours if i feel threatened or stressed. It's something tou really have to work on. I went through EMDR therapy last year to deal with my C-PTSD and it was LIFE CHANGING. If you struggle with Post traumatic stress I highly recommend it. I was skeptical going in but it's the best thing i've ever done.

People don’t talk about freeze & fawn enough & it’s so important to have empathy

Timestamps 1). Social withdrawal 0:35 2). Lashing out 1:10 3). Overworking yourself 1:49 4). Freezing up 2:25 5). Fawning 3:09 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

I have a freezing problem whenever I get confronted. It has become better, but it still happens a lot in my relationship.

Yup. A lot of that was, and still is, me. Anger, social withdrawing, fawning, and overworking. Anger so overwhelming, that at one point, I would have hurt someone badly, for simply pushing my buttons. Social withdrawing, as in spending every second that I didn't have to be around someone, alone. Fawning, always playing the fool for, and acquiescing to those that I had to be around. Overworking, pushing until I absolutely demolished myself, at work, and in my off time, pushing myself so hard physically, until my legs could no longer hold me up. I'm getting better now, thankfully, but it was a long, brutal road

Another one i would add is not being able to take criticism in any way. Because it leaves you vulnerable.

TIMESTAMPS : 1. social withdrawal 0:35 2. lashing out 1:10 3. overworking yourself 1:49 4. freezing up 2:24 5. fawning 3:10

I just learned my situation is worse than I thought. I always felt like a lone wolf and always had issues trusting anybody, have been unable to get an actual social circle until I was in my early 20s, not to mention Ive always had a phobia of approaching women. I thought I was getting closer to meet someone/ move forward with my life, and I realize I have waaaaay too many things to fix😅

freezing up, fawning, and social withdrawal tend to be my go-to harmful behaviors tha tI need to learn how to cope with. I was never really given any sort of boundaries, and was often seen as "too sensitive" or "overemotional", so my issues were downplayed to the point where I just learned to ignore them...

This explains so much about me. Shocking amounts actually. Wow. Thank you for making this video. I need to find ways now to overcome these trauma responses. At least I know what they are now

Felt like a callout post and brought me to tears - I've been struggling with my mental health for close to 6 years since I developed depression at the early age of 10 - I'm currently 16. I was diagnosed MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) 3-4 years after the depression started to develop and a year or so after that, I was diagnosed with Autism as well. Ive been treated and medicated for my psychological issues ever since. However, I cant help but feel like it isnt enough... I can't ignore that this video resonated with me deeply - most of the behaviors in this video felt like someone made a video after spying on me my whole life and it hit me hard to know I'm still so broken. Lashing out, being very aggressive, afraid of people getting too close to me, overworking myself because I can't simply sit for 5 minutes without my thoughts overtaking me and causing horrible anxiety, being so afraid and sad because I can't connect to people because of how i am - its debilitating. After all these years, I still havent been referred to a therapist and I think that's a big part of why I'm still struggling so badly. I've been trying to go to therapy for over 4 years but to no avail. I'm trying my hardest, but I can't seem to get anywhere with a lack of proper resources, mainly tied to an incompetent therapist's office refusing to refer me and on account of my insurance being cancelled suddenly and making it hard to refill on my psychological medicine, worsening the issue at hand. I was manageable before my insurance decided to cancel, but now I'm an even bigger trainwreck. Im trying not to lose hope that I'll someday get the help I need and finally be able to lead a normal life, but day after day it just gets harder and harder to keep staying hopeful. I don't have it the worst, in fact im relatively lucky - i have friends who understand me, friends who have known me for years and would back me up for years to come no matter what I was going through, but I still deal with debilitating anxiety of losing those I consider my closest friends because of my aggressive personality. I want to keep trying, but im not sure what good it'll do. I'll do it for the chance that there's a me in the future who will thank me for my effort. Anyways, sorry for all that 😭its nice to get it all out once in a while haha. Thanks for reading and I hope your day is going alright. Whatever youre going through, keep going. We'll all get through it together ❤

Have you ever had anyone that invites you to their place but as soon as you arrive, they rage and demand you to get off their property by threatening to call 911 if you don’t stop “harassing & stalking them” unless you leave right then and there? Along with threatening to call 911 for “trespassing” if they ever see you again after banning you from going anywhere near them despite telling you to meet them beforehand for a friendly get-together? Yeah, same here… 💔

I think for me, social withdrawal and freezing up are the main two I see myself doing, but I also saw some of the fawning response in myself too as I remember being over-apologetic in the past.

Huh, so i have been traumatized this whole time 🥺🥺

Oh no. I relate to all of the mentioned atributes. I overwork myself a lot, a have a big fawning response to litteraly everyone because I'm scared they'll leave me, I have lashed out at my loved ones and at myself a lot in the past to the point where it ruined a prior relationship I had with a group of friends, and now instead of lashing out I freeze because my prior relationship has made me think that freezing and being as non-threatening and passive as possible is the best way to do things because I'm scared that I'll be abandoned if I speak up for myself. And yes I also do often retreat to fantasy as a coping mechanism. Occasionaly entertwining with my other coping mechanism of looking at cute things (usualy animals or fictional beings with animalistic features) being happy and/or acting silly. And I did withdraw socialy throughout most of my life as well.

No matter how much people talk badly about how my mother treats me, I know she just went through the same thing as I did with her parents so I don't mind being treated like that. As long as my parents comes first.

I feel like everyone who's telling its story here should appreciate themselves so much for having the courage telling the world how they feel.

I can't thank you enough for posting this video. I can relate to everything said in this, and it is bitter sweet. Tough but important to understand why we are the way we are. Which brings me to a bunch more questions. But I'm sure I'll figure those out along the road of life.

I have been in denial of my trauma but I am slowly realizing what happened and how to feel and it sucks man

I have most of these trauma responses but I can't even tell what traumatized me during my childhood that made me like this 😂

Social isolation is my problem. It's like you can't be hurt if there is no one around to hurt you.

This was like a check list for me. Trauma seems to be a repetitive thing for me, I overcame trauma from my childhood, then had trauma from a car wreck, just as I started to get ahead of that, I lost a step brother in 2017, my best friend in 2019, another step brother in 2023, a niece, and my dog this year.

You said understanding these things can help us understand ourselves better...but I think it also helps us understand others better. It makes me feel more compassion for those that express anger and I think it will help me not be as reactive toward them.

I really feel the social withdrawal, freezing, and fawning. I used to love having my friends over at my house as a kid, and somewhere along the line, it just wasn't enjoyable anymore, and I slowly stopped talking to my friends. As for freezing, a recent example was when i went to dinner with my abusive mom who i hadn't talked to in years, and as soon as she opened her mouth to talk to me about my childhood a fog just settled in and I zoned out the whole time. I was lucky my sister was there to keep the convo going or else i probably would've had a panic attack. And as for fawning, I rarely ever express my opinions in front of my Dad and his family. I know I'm going to just get treated like a moron since we're on opposite sides of the political spectrum, so I've found its just better not to talk and just nod along whenever he's talking about Joe Rogan or Donald Trump or whatever.

My trauma response is anger. The anger makes me feel sad which angers me even more. Then I feel weak and pathetic, which brings me down and leads to periods of intense sadness. I am working on it though. It's a long, draining process, but I am making progress one day at a time.

It just hurts.... so bad and makes you feel trapped.....

I often find myself very reclusive from others outside of my work life. And I know this is due to my trauma from being socially isolated during school. I don’t normally hang out with anyone unless I’m invited. Just recently, I found the courage to go on my first ever date. And even though I didn’t get a second date, I was actually pretty surprised to find someone that I thought was attractive actually thought the same about me. I didn’t realize how little I thought about myself until I actually took that first step out of my little bubble.

Hey there, Psych2go. I can really agree with social withdrawal and lashing out. On a previous video, you saw me commenting on the differences between the western and eastern values. I grew up in that battle all my childhood- my parents are from eastern background and yet bred and educated me in the west. We'd have argumenta over clothes, going out with friends and relationships, namely that they were authoritarian. They weren't supportive of my LGBT identity as a teen and nor did I have the freedom to go to sleepovers, go out regularly with friends, go out alone with my male friends or have any relationships. It was just a plain big fat NO. NO negotiation allowed in our home. Nontheless, my parents insisted I was a spoiled child with no boundaries just because i started to stand up for myself and wear what I wanted. Not only did they berate me, but my toxic mother brought back my abusive father to torture me and my clothes were the end all be all- I had to dress the way my family wanted or get harshly punished. I was overly restricted, there was no to little negotiation and I was ALWAYS HARSHLY punished with no negotiation. I had no choice or opinion for even minor things like clothes or hair. Whatever it was, my parents would clock up a fuss and make it look as though I was some sort of curfew breaking drugster, rather than a normal teen who just wanted to express herself and socialise! Then, at the same time, they would complain about me not being social and lacking social skills; CONSTANTLY berating me for my tech use, especially my dad. Before I went through bariatic surgery at 15, I was body shamed by all my parents and family members and no matter how many boundaries were set, it continued. I went out of the country and was abused and restricted like HELL by my relatives. Now I'm an adult, I still live with my mum, however we've set that boundary that she can't control what I wear or do outside the house. I have more freedom to wear what I want and do what I want, freely, no judgement. I'm currently busy re doing GCSE and I need to get at least all C for an apprenticeship after 1 1/2 year which will last 1 year then I'll take about 6 months to settle into my normal adult job, learn deiving and find a good room and bathroom or small apartment in a good place near work for me to live in and commute to and from work. Within 3 years, I have a clear perspective and plan. I'll be on my own two feet with my education completed and a good job, knowing how to drive and having taken full control of my own life, by getting a part time job during GCSE for experience and save up once my studies settle and I can ease off subjects. This is a clear, step by step three year plan to get on my own two feet, out the house and fully out of my family's grasp and control, an independent and self sufficient young adult. Whenever I have involved police or authorities over the situation in my house, they have been supportive and considered my complaints and desires reasonable. But my family members or any eastern family friend have always been quick to judge and react due to that mental health stigma and lack of understanding for boundaries pervasive in eastern culture. So I've just come to understand that I need to keep to my western support system and therapy and focus on building my life as per my values. It'll be ocer and done with in a few years. My mum isn't and can't restrict me now and I'll be out and independent within a few years, having saved up enough with the necessary skills and experience. Nobody can stop me, dictate me or question me once I'm happy and on my own two feet. Then after a few years, I can see about partners and getting married to start a family- always valuing their independence, never treating them the same way! P.S. Im getting my own Psi and Psych2go shirt and book. You support my mental health so I want to remember you every day of my life and in a positive way as I move forward with mt concept and goals clear. These are some suggestions of videos from my side: 1) Self care ideas. 2) How to muster the courage to report abuse. 3) Eastern society and its mental health decline: Why academic pressure does more harm than good in the long run. For the last title, let me share my own perspective. As a child, my parents always pressured me to academically excel and forced me to get admission to a grammar school. They'd yell at me, take me to tuition and force me to study with my cousin for 10+ houra a day when I was just 10. I didn't want to. It led to power struggles. Even once I had passed the exams, it wasn't enough, I had to repeat further exams. I passed all of them but it wasn't good for mt mental health. When I finally got into a grammar school, my atudies and mental health took a major decline for the worst. I had decided, look, I've had enough of this pressure. I don't care anymore. My grades began dropping and I went from perfect student to below the radar, the worst in the class. My parents continued assigning tutors, belittling me and even forcefully sitting me down with them. But since I was angry for all their force and academic pressure, nothing worked. They gave me a cell phone very late at 13 whereas all my friends had them at 10-11 and, weirdly enough, my friends whose parents gave them a cell phone earlier, gave them freedom to go out and didn't abuse them, all of my friends were motivated to study and go to school and did quite well with grades. So you see, the eastern concept of academic pressure is totally wrong and harms mental health, family relationships and even grades in the long run. As you can see from my own story, force never does it. Ambition comes from the heart. It's not a now or never thing. Some people just aren't academically inclined so you can't force it- mental health is important. This is a main reason as to why mental health issues and suicide are far more prevalent in the east than west- due to this wrong culture of stigmatising mental health and enjoying younghood and the toxicity of perfectionism and family values. The west values individualism and the west succeeded in ways beyond the east. You won't find people moving from west to east. But thousands migrate to UK, USA. Better law, better culture, better environment. Psychology these days is also based on western philosophy and, as an eastern myself, I find western philosophy very right and powerful. Jordan Peterson has a lecture on why the west is the best. To each their own, whatever they follow, but as a British Pakistani, i value and follow mty British culture within certain religious boundaries. I value certain concepts of eastern culture and sont disregard my family even though they were abusive, but I have built my values and life around western values just as long as they stay within my religion.

the thing i have noticed in me is that when i was a kid i was a loud person, it sometimes felt like i swallowed a microphone with how loud my voice was but as i reached my teens i have gotten significantly quieter to the point where people can't hear me much and i have to repeat the same sentence over and over again. Idk if it's because people used to ignore me a lot which led to me being quiet or the emotional abuse I beared with when i was in my daycare center. This video was a real eye opener for me as I tend to do these behaviors on a daily basis. For a long time i even hate my own birthday because it meant socialising and being the centre of attention. And I love travelling but when i travelled recently to places that i dreamt of visiting i ruined it with my stupid overthinking mess of a mind. I had a constant thought saying i don't belong here i don't belong here which often led me to have panic attacks in the middle of the street, and i hate talking about my feelings because i didn't grow up in a household where feelings were considered important or looked into, it's either be happy and if you're not happy then you're stupid. My parents sometimes would disregard my feelings as nothing important or there are other people who are suffering more than me and i shouldn't cry because i have no right to cry as i'm a privileged child and i shouldn't be ungrateful, because of this i struggle to open up with people which eventually lead them to leave me.

I discovered this channel for the first time yesterday. Suddenly, I'm getting more of the videos. And it is right on time. Thank you so very much for these videos. They are extremely helpful and I'm subscribing right now. This one hit me particularly hard.

I related to all of these. Part of me feells like "great, I am more f-ed up than I think", part of me feels "how do I have so much trauma? my childhood wasn't that bad". But mostly I am glad I watched this video so I can bring up these trauma responses with my therapist and if I truly do act out in the ways mentioned as a trauma response and not just a personality issue, I can work with her on getting past the traumas.

Omg. This one hit me the deepest of all I’ve watched over the years. Thank you. I keep asking for help and I always feel dumb but each and every single one of these points makes sense why I don’t let myself speak really. Thank you so much, really. IF this could be possible, could you please post some type of video of how to ask for help or what to show or say, to be heard? That’s always been the biggest struggle. But thank you so much for all of these videos. ❤️

This makes so much sense, I find myself freezing up when in situations where I need to take accountability with my words and actions. I want to heal to better my life…

Thank you for making this real. I don't lash out, but I do everything else.

Luckily I’m trying my best to improve myself and try new things and try to be more positive in other things rather than staying sad all the time. I knew I have way too many traumatic moments in my life so I try to heal from it instead of escaping. I listen to music for free therapy 😊

A lot, if not all of these behaviors are very familiar to me, or OCs I've made in the past. Some freeze up, too scared to do anything with others for fear of harming them. Others hide their feelings with elaborate emotional masks, thinking that telling others about what they're dealing with will result in making things worse. Even one of my characters tends to overwork and cater to everyone around her, to both distract herself and hide her horrendous past. Seeing it all in a 5-minute video really struck me, especially since even fantasy characters have real trauma responses, with real documentation of it occuring..

" freezing up," can be so traumatic in itself. Escaping into fantasy can seem like " reality," and its easy to keep trying to live out the fantasy.

I fawn, then get worn out and lash out from frustration and lack of attentiveness to my own needs, which leads me to socially isolate out of guilt or anger, which brings me back to fawning in order to gain favor again and avoid conflict. This cycle has to end.

All of these apply to me except for the lashing out. Depending on what stimulation/trigger it is i do one for this and another for that. I have been learning these things are trauma related for some time now and have been trying hard to work through/around them with the help of family and my therapist. Its a struggle but so worth it especially because i have many other types of responses to trauma such as forgetting the trauma which makes it harder to identify and deal with. To everyone out there struggling with their trauma responses, you've got this. Its hard as hell, but worth having the release, relaxation, and ultimately piece of mind and self