@@danikaamahabir8230 are you sure you are being emotionally abused or are your parents trying to get you to think of others, and teach you how to have compassion> Now if they are name calling and belittling you that is a completely different thing,,yet know that part of our jobs as parents is to help you think of others, how to be of service to others and kind to others. Life is not all about you, it is about sharing life with others. No one can survive alone, We are meant to be a social people..
@@mariehunt2601 This is a really confusing comment...As someone else said here, if they think it's abuse it probably is. If you have to ask yourself, "Is this abuse?" then it is. And I don't get where "life is not all about you" came from? The person never said anything that implied they were self-centered. They just said their parents emotionally abuse them. You're making too many assumptions here. Parents trying to get you to think of others is way different from emotional abuse. You can clearly tell the difference. I just...don't understand this comment. =/
arguing with my parents: •explaining my side: “stop giving excuses” •staying quiet: “dont you want to say anything” •saying sorry: “dont say sorry if you dont mean it”
This is the same with my parents too. Also I stopped telling my mother anything because she'll eventually use it against me. She even secretly recorded some conversations to use against me in front of a psychologist or my Dad. Some conversations in wich I literally beg my mother to leave me alone and/ or stop recording. So I did the same and recorded some of the stuff she regularly said to me and she completly freaked out and threatened to sue me or destroy my phone if I don't delete them.
When you grow up and realize that you were probably emotionally abused most of your life but you can’t do anything about it because no one would believe you because your abuser is ‘so nice’
You're not alone. I used to tell my parents when I was feeling insecure and they would immediately turn the conversation into bragging about how they never felt insecure about dumb things and how they suffered way worse. Literally felt worse telling them than holding it in. So just stopped telling them.
I was raised by a high spectrum personality disordered mother literally the most violent person I’ve ever known in my life she was a narcissist a malignant narcissist just underneath Socio path I completely understand and feel your pain sometimes you just have to walk away and realize that they are using your humanity against you and just want to hurt you you cannot fix a narcissist there is no cure there is no way to remedy the situation you just have to leave and go no contact and whatever you do don’t go back because if you do they will make you pay for leaving in the first place A malignant narcissist develops emotionally up to the age of six they are completely external they can not internalize they are never wrong and they are the perpetual victim they believe their emotions are real not the fax the only thing they want is to hurt other people that is the only thing that gives them joy
Nope. My mother expected me to share everything with her and would press and go digging if she felt I had any secrets. I was told I couldn't hide anything from her. God I hate her. And if she did get a hold of sensitive information like I was fighting with a friend or a boyfriend or whatever, she'd use it to make me feel stupid.
They never take responsibility for ANYTHING. It's always someone else's fault. They are notorious for blaming their bad behavior on others. Blame shifters.
This! My dad damaged his car and didn’t have insurance. He managed to blame it on my brother who damaged his OTHER car TWO years ago. How tf does that even add up? Makes literally no sense
My sister is the same, never apologies & of course the endless list of things wrong with her life is never anything to do with her, her bad attitude toward life, her emotional abusiveness, laziness or her bullying. Saddest part is that it really limits the relationship I can have with my lovely little niece.
The worst part about emotional abuse is you think it is normal. It hides in plain sight. If you've grown up with people like this all your life, then you attract more people like this and you don't even know it's a problem until way WAY too late. You just get this aching feeling something is wrong but you can't pinpoint it, so to cope you try to ignore it, but ignoring doesn't make it go away. It just allows it to get worse. I've spent most of my life having to come to terms with the emotional abuse I've endured at the hands of my parents, grandparents, and now in-laws. You think, "oh, since these are the main people in my life, everyone must be like this secretly." BUT NO. There are actually people who DON'T emotionally abuse, you just don't know that because your world view is so narrow. You see glimpses of it when you are invited to that one friends house and you see how your friend interacts with their family and you just think, "They are so nice to each other. They must just be pretending because I'm here. If I weren't here, it'd be different. They couldn't possibly be like this all the time, right??" Thanks for discussing these things. I've really learned a lot watching your channel!! I wish you were MY therapist!! ❤️
+loverrlee I have abusive siblings and many times they've used my religion and political views to blackmail me. It's been very shocking and emotionally devastating. I've cut my arm and have left scars to deal with the pain and contemplate suicide often. I wish I could just make it end. I've survived this for years and I'm still going on, so maybe I have a chance lol.
I've recently realized how emotionally abusive my mom is and I don't even know if she knows, but I can't say anything at this point without her yelling at me...it's almost like at times I want her to just snap and hit me so I can have proof for myself If that makes sense..
That's called 'gaslighting.' distorting your reality and reframing the truth hurts like hell. Her phrase of choice, pls remember - is her own PROJECTION. Meaning, she has probably cried for attention before, and or it has been said to her in the past. Our parents can be very emotionally immature. Parents can rage when they don't know what to do. Try to research as much as possible. In particular, codependancy and narcissism. As parent/child relationships are steeped in healthy and toxic narcissism. Due to growing up and growing into roles together. I hope that helps. Remember to try out some beginners 'inner child healing' meditations. You ll b very surprised. Treat yourself as well as you can. You can work thru this... ✌️♥️💪🙏🏴
Mine just tells me to grow up if I’m having flashbacks caused by Her Husband (I’m sorry yes by bio father but I can never call him a dad it doesn’t feel right) my mum is super nice person in general it’s not her fault “HE” mentally abuses her also
it’s so hard. because he’s my *dad*. i _have_ to love him. and sometimes he’s nice. sometimes he not. sometimes he’s loving. sometimes he’s scary. sometimes he’s caring. sometimes he’s abusive. it’s so hard. and i don’t know what’s normal anymore
Actually no, you don't. One of my best friends once told me something that's stuck with me. "Because they're family doesn't mean you have to love them". This is especially true in cases like this.
Yes I can relate because my dad always expects me to be happy every day and talk. But I get irritated by people a lot, especially in the morning. And I just give one word answers as an attempt to respond. My dad says stuff like “if you want to live if this house you have to be civil and speak and not mope around”. Actually nah I’m not moping i just don’t want to talk. If I don’t talk much he insults me and guilt trips me
The Handley Sisters Same! I don’t know how to get out of this friendship- I’m limiting the time I see them but my school is very small and I bump into them everywhere. They are so aggressive and rough and I get so anxious around them. During holidays I never communicate with them and it’s just *heaven*. Like I’m talking to my other friends who are actually quite nice and then this toxic friend always rags into our conversation and pulls me out as if I’m a doll...
oh yes , had friends like this for 7 years and now i have lost a lot of confidence and have a ton of anger and resentment towards them. and i have low af self esteem now
How parents see things: Being upset=sensitive. Needing help with school work=stupid. Not liking foods=ungrateful. Devices= unsuccessful future. When you do this to a child they probably feel this. Being upset: being wrong. Needing help with schoolwork= being a burden. Not liking foods=not deserving of food. Devices= only way to enjoy something.
Same here what makes me really mad is that I should feel grateful for the food we have. If I don't have good marks my dad asks me this question everytime"are you not eating the same food as them?? "like what the heck I don't have the right to do activities they're waste of time just study, don't need friends they're not going to last, and for clothes and books they're always second-hand. I don't even have my own room. I can feel you they're the same
I don't like, love, trust or respect this man; and I don't obey him(I am 59 now; he has no business trying to control me at all. As if I am 5 and he could yell at or threaten/hit me with belt for saying no to him. He is out of control here in assuming he has any authority(parental) over me: he doesn't. He abused it when I was five and all the up to last Christmas season. Pathetic father. When I would I didn't like the treatment(unasked for) out would the sarcastic, caustic comments and make fun of me. The problem is he had/has/or will have any authority over me; to keep abusing me(verbally). Then, he gives me the silent treatment for no reason; Go figure; I get punished and am left to figure out why(no reason; he's a control freak). It's really pathetic. On top of this, I am female and his oldest daughter: he was/is supposed to protect me from men like him; his brother, (him,and one of his brothers), instead; they prey (sex jokes/innuendoes, comments, questions: it's very sick what he has done:then have the nerve to say I seduced him; I didn't understand half of what he was talking about(I was 12 1/2 when it began; Dad). He needs grow up and not corrupt my mind any more(too much already) as it has been. He said I "you cannot say to me, or other men(implying his brother(one, in particular)" It was horrible. I don't obey him, either. Tough luck for him. I don't like, love, trust, respect him at all; he brought all that and more on me. Always isolated me so no one could hear what he was saying; then made me the laughing stock "you 're misinterpreting what I am saying, Jackie" Misinterpret nothing. He's sick; I am far from it; But, I don't trust his brother, or men like them. Damn.!
He doesn't respect (hardly) my boundaries and walks all over them; making me feel(he tries) that I am wrong/should be ashamed to have the boundaries/as if I am the provateur(he is) and then talks down to me and tell me to apologize to him that I don't trust (no surprise). I am damned either way . He needs to take a chill pill, and grow up and the to shut the hell up.I don't need or want lectures from him. I haven't done anything to cause him to treat me this way in the first place. I hope he goes straight to Hell; he deserves that.
I'm sorry you went through that. My cousin did something nasty to me when I was eight so I thought of how confused I was and how the words of your father and uncle must have been for you. And I recieved verbal/emotional abuse from my father too (physical from mother) so I hear your hurt and anger at undeserved treatment. I hope your recovery from the trauma is swift. Hugs.❤
fazan mungroo I tried and I got chased by a car then got beat at home by my dad, then I was almost kicked out of my school, I don't think that a good idea
That's not such a bad idea! lol Sometimes the only way for you to stop enduring crap is a fresh start. I say this in relation to toxic family members that present a continual problem for you. You don't have to endure..you can and SHOULD walk away....quickly!
As a growing teenage girl having an emotional abusive mother was the most soul crushing, painful thing I have EVER experienced & will most likely never recover x
I know exactly how you feel. I’m in the exact same position. Only issue, I’m stuck with them for 4 more years. I want to leave, but I can’t, because my whole life revolves around them.
Huma Ali My mother has been emotionally abusive to me and my siblings especially when we were younger. However, she also suffers from mental illness so in a sense I feel I can’t completely blame her for the abuse, but that aside I do believe people can recover and I think as I get older(I’m 21 now) I’m slowly learning to love myself again. So for your own sake please don’t give up hope for healing, learning to love yourself even if other people didn’t is the hardest and best thing you can ever do for yourself . I’m still learning and I’ve been working on loving myself since I was 12-13. Stay strong🙂
My mom: • Blames me for fights we have • I always have to say sorry • I get no affection if I "did something wrong" • Gets suuuuuper mad when I tell her how I feel or what I think about her My family: • Always chooses my moms side • Always chooses my sisters side • Favors my sister Is this emotional abuse? Because I get really depressed about it and I became shy and closed because of it and I am scared to talk about it with not even them, but even to friends. I have no one to talk to. About what they do. What can I do? Sometimes I even get the feeling she regrets having me the past months
YES THIS IS ABUSE . AND THIS IS POISONOUS FOR YOU , INJUSTICE TO YOU ! DO NOT EVER THINK THAT THEY'RE GONNA CHANGE OR YOUR SITUATION WILL GET BETTER IF YOU STAY WITH THEM OR TRY MAKING THEM UNDERSTAND HOW THIS AFFECTS YOU ! I'm not gonna tell you to go to a therapist/psychiatrist Because it's rare that they will help/understand you . All those i went to ..they favoured my mom ,said i'm delusional ,said it's normal ! Nobody belives or even listens to me ..So i don't have friends or anybody to talk to either As nobody's interested in actually being there for someone; All they want is the Superficial good times! Anyways ..i can't tell the way out beccause i'm stuck myself , suffocating in poison . But i can tell that the first step towards Escape is recognising what's going on actually and what is wrong ,toxic , unhealthy ! They are your familu but that doesn't mean you'll have to tolerate & forgive & accept whatever they do and belivee its normal ! The fist step is learning to see from lense of truth even if it's a harsh unbearable truth that the people who are supposed to save you are the ones drowining you .
Yes, your mother sounds like a narcissist. Your sister is her golden child, you are the scapegoat. You know the channel "Inner Integration"? Meredith Miller is specialized in narcissism. Learned a lot from her (same situation like yours, when I was a child)! You need to get out of there, as soon as possible! Is there really no one you can talk to? A teacher maybe? A school's therapist? Record secretly, what your mother is saying to you, how she treats you. So you have proof. I know how you feel (My two best!! friends!! didn't believe me! It was devastating.) One day, my mother started a big fight over nothing, treated me like shit. Than she ran to my aunt, who lived next door. My grandmother was there for a visit. After a while, my mother came back with both of them. And all three of them were telling me, what an evil child I was, and how I was causing my dear mother so much pain. And that's just one of many, many stories. It destroys you over time. Affected my whole life. I started to heal a couple of years ago - when I was way over 30!! All I can say is: Run if you can (Is there a relative you can go to?)! And start a therapy (with someone, who is specialized in narcissistic abuse)! Stay strong!!
@@memeyartist5591 My mother's words are what taught me how to lie and deceive people to either get what I needed without asking for it, defending myself, or even "taking down" others.
Hahaha saaaame, I spent my time watching this video wishing I could rub this in my mom’s face, but nope I gotta power through this emotional shit alone for right now
It’s so upsetting, my mom calls me stupid and dumb for not understanding or know how to do something that she knows. Nothing I do is good enough. I’ve been called lazy, dumb,stupid, everything is my laugh and I blame everyone but myself, looking like a clown or like a whore. I still love her but it’s so fucking hard & hurts so bad & I am 18 she barely ever lets me do anything
This reminds me of my dad... 100% he struggled to apologize, wouldn’t consider my feelings, made me feel like I was always wrong, he would degrade me, would belittle me, call me the black sheep to others, lack of empathy, didn’t want a relationship with me but blamed me for not having one with him, etc.....Growing up I became a version of my dad, and the only way I discovered I was doing this subconsciously was when I started therapy and started working as a foster care advocator. I learned a lot about myself and my trauma. People don’t realize the cycle of trauma and how it affects us when we are older. It’s up to you to be aware and change. This video really resonates with me. ❤️ thank you
Esmeralda Quiroz wow this is very strong to realized it within yourself! I also did and since I do trauma healing these things disappear. It’s really the worst that you don’t just experience all this but this behavior is also put into your head and given further if you’re not smart enough to figure it out and question things...
@@christalauracollection7391 you can look up the "crappy childhood fairy" RU-vid channel, it covers childhood trauma. Dr. Tracey Marks is also a great source of material on mental health issues. It's been my experience that reparenting yourself, paying attention to your thought patterns and changing the negative self talk you have in your head are very beneficial. All the best to you!
Sometimes the sign of emotional abuse is to completely ignore us. In conversation they ignore you as if you are invisible. One of the most covert ways of ignoring is acting like what you said was not worthy of notice, while they listen to everyone else in the room.
"school is more important than your mental health! if you don't do school I'll go to jail, and send your cat to the pound" "I never said that! it was just a joke!"
This is my mother exactly. Know that I am an adult and realize how she treated me. I am truly disgusted. I pray for children who grow up emotionally abused.
I see abusive behavior developing in abuse victims. My grandparents got abused themselves, they abused their kids, my father now abuses me/my brother. The worst is I can even find myself being abusive towards others. So I feel abusers raise abusers. At least I can notice it in myself, be concious, and change it. But I need to get away from him.
As soon as you have the ability, get out. For now, be conscious of how you act towards others. If you find yourself being rude, tell the person you're sorry. Try to be the opposite of how your parents act. (This is advice coming from an abused 12 year old, soo I'd doubt you'd actually listen to me)
Sara Nox It's the same for me too.You have to get away first!!However,I'm rather confident I won't be like them.Why?Self-control and using my brains wisely.
Sara Nox quite the opposite actually people that are aware that they had been abused as a child will never try to do it to their kids because they know how terribly painful it is to go through.
It's the same with my family. My grandma ran away from her stepmum as she was being abusive and turning my grandma's dad away from her. My grandma abused my mum and her siblings It was actually a normal thing to do where she lived. Now my mum abuses me, funny isn't it? I will never,ever put my hand up to my child or call them worthless. That is something I will always stand by.
I've just realized that I've been suffering from emotional abuse for 5 years, it never stops. I always ask myself whether it's my fault or if I'm imagining it all. I feel guilty all the time. Till today I still ask myself the same question. Now You made it all clear thank you...
1. Being degraded, put down, mocked, sarcastic, gaslighting, telling me I don't feel how I said I feel. 2. someone dominates or controls your life. treats you like a child 3. accusing and blaming 4. neglect, stonewall, silent treatment 5. Enmeshment, co depentance, parentification, telling info kids should not know
I literally had to pause almost every sentence because i could recall incidents that matched almost every since sentence you said. Thank you for bringing this to other peoples attention
Same my dad always does the fifth sighn he shares his sexual or romantic relationships with me with no shame and I look at him weird but he had no shame in it he just makes me wanna kms
Man... It must be super scary to have a relationship or someone like this in my life.. I'm so sorry for anyone who struggles with emotional abuse. You're not alone, you're stronger than you think you are ! :)
So you never had meet a person like this.I been through this all my life and in 27 now.what do you think about this video what do you think about the person who do this to others.there's a lot of people out there like this and see this there only way of living and getting what ever they can in there life.
+jonathan carter I have a best friend who was emotionally abused by her mother. I feel sry for those who abuse others, maybe they don't know what they're doing is wrong? Maybe they're mentally ill too? But I hope they realise that what they're doing is traumatizing. And for those who experienced it and still experiencing it, I'm so Proud for all of you for staying strong and continuing to fight and conquer, like you :)
Who wants to report their parents? I was rarely aloud to go out, and along with my severe confidence issues and social anxiety I had no friends. No family on this entire half of the country, I was literally ALONE. I find it hard to move out at 20 because I don't know how to make my own decisions, I was always told I was making the wrong ones or belittled and met with disgust for every mistake. I don't know how to live without them, I feel naked and cold and afraid. I literally cannot see myself leaving this house with no one to help me, I'm so unsure of myself...
You write well your text is very moving expressive. Write your story as a novel, share your life with other teens who might be suffering like you have, you could be their voice. I am here to exchange with you let me know if you want a friend. I will reply if you reach out.
SunnyNutQueerios me but if I do they say we never do that and I'll get talked to by the 👮 and they say don't joke about it are service is a non joking matter
I just hurts people saying *It's hard to think that so many people are being abused* When you know that this is happening to you and they feel so loved by their parents.
This video has me literally in tears.... My mother has done each of those things to me and told me it was my fault and I was a horrible, disobedient child, and has literally told me she wished she never had me. I'm 33 and still cry just at the thought of how emotionally horrific my childhood was... She even recruited my sisters to treat me the same way. I never understood why she hated me so much ... There were days I wished someone would just kill me... I never knew that this was reportable. I never knew I needed help until this moment. I just thought I had to be stronger...
+Oluchi Zelda Opara you are not alone. My father said to me my life is meaningless and no one in this world respects me. I am a selfish loser and He is sure I have no future. He is better off raising a pig than raising me. Everyone else in this world is better than me. Shame on my college ever accepted me. If I have children that would be the only ones worse than me in the world. My mom told me my father has a "good" temper not slap me in my face and kick me. I am 25 years old and really want to run away but the value in my home country won't' accept. I am so glad I have some trustworthy amazing friends support me and tell me I am worthy and respected and loved by many people. I hope you realize you are not alone and ask your friends for supports. I hope you believe in yourself that you are worthy and respected and loved by many! Stay strong!
You are not alone! My mother is abusive, a narcissist, and VERY controlling. She always tells me that I'm disrespectful when I speak for myself and stand up to her abuse. She threatens to kick me out over the tiniest things in the world, even from a conversation. She uses her boyfriend to control me as well and tells him lies.
Kari Short cuz we seek out what we are used tooo in a relationship...unfortunately...that's why we are on this channel to heal ourselves and choose betta relationships.
Kari Short this is what terrifies me that what if whoever I get close to will treat me the same way my parents does! because this is what happens we unconsciously get attached to the same kind of people.
When I callout my mom for being degraded to me she tells me than I being disrespectful and another people still defends her and says I being disrespectful
I am an emotional abuser. Desperate to recover. I can tell you it's hard to recognize an EA. At the same time I NEVER realized I am EA. I watched these videos, I saw myself and was ready to break down. My marriage was falling apart but I got nothing, I could not understand what's going on. I was sure I am doing everything right I am ok, there is something wrong with my wife. Now my marriage with a beautiful loving wife is in fragile equilibrium, waiting whether I'll be able to change completely after being EA for almost 40 years of my life or not. I see the problem, I will fix it before I lose my wife, my family and my life. There is no chance to help your husband until he realizes he is EA. It's a pity to say that but if he doesn't want to change then leave him. Unless you want to spend years being abused.
Well you can start with getting therapy! And say it properly don’t hide behind ”EA”, and you start to say how you mistreat your wife, but then somehow turn it into a lecture of what men that are emotional abusive are like in general! Stop generalizing and start with your recovery!
Emotional abuse is very hard dealing with, especially when it comes from those you care about. I was wondering if you have ever, or may possibly plan on making a video dedicated to _financial abuse?_ It is hardly ever discussed when the subject of abuse comes up. It can be a key component on mastering control over others if they are essentially "locked" in a relationship because their significant other or relative pays for everything, and without the support from the abuser they'd be hurt financially. Listing resources and ways to avoid/escape financial hardship from abusive persons would also be a great addition to any of your insight. Love your channel, thanks so much!
I've thought this too! My parents trapped me from 18-23 this way. Anytime I didn't do exactly what they wanted my mom would call me and say in a calm, gritted, angry way, "You do/don't do what I say.....you're on your own. See how you like that." Even as a 22 year old engaged woman, working full-time as a teacher but needing to live at home for a semester to save for the wedding, she'd hold this over my head. Once we got in an argument and she physically wrestled my car keys out of my hand, growled at me (really), blocked my exit from the house and told me I wasn't allowed to leave the house and if I did I would be kicked out. I mentioned I only wanted to leave to spend the night with my grandmother and we could calm down, but no. So yes, this you don't do 100% what I want and I'll withohold financial support suddenly is definitely a problem and I'd love to hear more about this!
Financial abuse with infantilization can keep us forever in hell, especially if we have children and think we can provide for them. Please make a video about this!
It depends of the way he treats you. The fact that he is successful and you depressed doesn't constitute an abuse. The abuse can be specific ways he treats you.
Hi everyone. I am a random person but you are loved ❤️ by me and many others. Don’t let negative people get to you. You need to hear this, you are special. Beautiful and smart! And loved ❤️.
I have been emotionally abused for my whole life by my mom. I have zero self confidence and I hate myself even more everyday. I tried talking to my teacher about it, who to talked to my mom. Later that day, she got out a whip and hit me until I bled. Please help me because I don't know what to do, I'm 15 and I've honestly had enough. Please help.
Hey there! I see where you're coming from and I am terribly sorry this is happening to you. No one, especially not a young person or a child, should experience this. I myself have been emotionally abused, slapped, shoved and hit by a parent as an adolescent and it has been hard to move on from these traumas. However, I think you should see someone who has professional secrecy, such as a school counselor or a therapist. I can really emphasize with your frustration and even more with the feelings of self-hatred, but always remember that what is happening IS NOT YOUR FAULT! It never is, and even though this is happening you are still worthy as a person. When you are older, you are going to look back at this period of time and thank yourself for your bravery. Keep on fighting, you are an amazing person and worthy of a good life!
Jess is Gaming AGAIN? You are NOT dumb. I mean, I'm 12 and I have very emotional abusive parents. When I was young, like probably around 4-9, I used to the I was the most spoiled child in the world and my parents were the best being the way they are, but when I got into middle school, lots of people got such bad grades, and every time I asked them "Did you're parents slap you or ground you for a long time?" I said it in such a casual voice and I was being really serious, and people would look at me like I was crazy. I was very confused, and didn't understand when they said "My mom just said if I try my best I'm fine." I thought they were spoiled brats and that their parents didn't care about them, but when I was 11, I started to do more research into it, and I realized I was completely wrong. My parents were so abusive, I thought that them slapping me and neglecting me was normal because I deserved it. I never realized how depressed I was feeling for all these years. I started to act less caring about anything, but luckily I had an older brother who realized what was going on, and I am BLESSED he was my older brother. He gave me so much advice on how he dealt with our parents when he was young, and I started to act a lot more enthusiastic. At school, I try to act as happy and positive about everything. it's pretty hard, but it helps when I come home to my depressing life where everything I do is controlled by the people that are older than me. I sometimes tell my friends what my punishments are and they legit get scared, they look at me with terrifying looks of agony and despair, almost like they feel incredibly sorry for me. I'm only 12, so is there anything I can do about this...? 😢
My father degraded me all the time. He would laugh at me, when I got hurt or when I began to cry, because I couldn‘t take his words anymore. It might be weird to say, but because of my father, I knew, that I would do anything, to be the opposite of him.
Same i feel like I must strive not be my mother. She would financially abuse, lie to me, attack my other relatives and basically ignore me as a child. Guilt trip me. All that shit. Didn't realise I was abused for so long by my mother until I was 20. I find it hard to trust people.
Just like my father. I spent so much time trying to repair the damage, but feel like just giving up. I'll never have kids, the last thing I want is to fall into the same role and repeat the cycle.
THAT is exactly what I’m scared of becoming. I go through that exact same situation ,except when I get hurt like tripping off my bike she’ll blame ME for being hurt. Instead of just making sure I’m okay she’ll be asking why I did that and don’t make mistakes or do that again.
Always wondered if my mother and sister were a little off, just learning about all this, never knew about nacissist, and they are just that 100%! And i am the scapegoat of the family, they are weird individuals, complete evil!!
When I was a child I was happy, loved, I felt loved. Then one day my grandma came to live with us. At first it was all happy go lucky and I was pretty excited she was here. Then about 4/5 months of her staying with us things changed. I remember one time when I was getting picked up from school by my grandma, we were driving back to my house she mentioned something about me getting chubbier and I needed to cut back on what I ate. At the time I actually agreed with her because before that I was always the of chubby kid in the class. Since then she has constantly been berating me saying stuff such as: " you are getting chubbier every day look at yourself in the mirror that's not attractive", "You look like you just came out of bed go put on another (shirt, pants, etc.) It got to the point were I developed a MAJOR lack of self confidence, I started to have depressive/ suicidal thoughts which led to my self harm issues, I also developed an eating disorder due to all the talk of my weight. I finally told my mom what was going on and she said: "don't listen to her, she just saying things, toughen up you will always have mean people in your life." Even though I told my mom and she KNEW what was happening under her roof she did nothing about it. PLEASE, if you have and/or are going through the same thing please contact one of your parents or a trusted adult don't let things go too far like I did it will result in a much worse outcome. Not all emotional abuse comes from a husband or boyfriend.
I know it is extremely difficult to accept the people you love who have been huge parts of your life have been abusive. I'm sorry. I know it's not easy, it's taken me a long time to accept it. I wish you the best, much love.
As an abused victim by my own dad, this really helped me and with the help my adopted pets. I'm so vengeful and mad at slight things and I blamed myself because I let that happened but I realized that I'm just helpless and I stopped talking to myself and breaking stuff when I remember those days. Take a deep breath and find someone who experience as same as you experience because it's such a relieve when talking to someone who can understand you and my pets help me so much even they don't talk back they understand me and doesn't judge me plus they made me smile everytime I go home and finally I can talk about and share my experience because of this persons.
I feel like my parents and sisters have treated me like this my entire life. I am still so codependent on my mom, and I don’t know how to escape. Please help
My mom is always focusing on my flaws and it lowers my self-esteem and confidence. I even question my self-worth. Then, I confront her about how it makes me feel and she goes on a 10 minute rant about how I'm an ingrate. She plays the victim and says that she is "abused."
im starting therapy at 25 and the thing that's super hard and worth it is what you are doing right now. educating yourself as to what it is, why it's not normal, or acceptable. also learning different ways to cope and to feel better, and to learn how to get help from those who are nontoxic. you don't have to do it alone, there is help, and you can heal.
This opened my eyes. I have dealt with emotional abuse and it's from my parents. I'm 14 and I can't do anything about my parents doing these things because I'm too young. My life belongs to them forever since they gave birth to me. They don't know how much I struggle internally and how I've been torn down.
+Amanda Lu Hey :) I want you to know that it's going to be fine, ok? I know it can feel like your life belongs to them and there's no way out, but that's not the case. You are your own person and even though now you have to depend on them, it won't be that way forever. Yes, it's going to be hard for awhile, and you're going to hurt, but there is hope and there certainly is a better future ahead of you. Know that the fact that you've understood it's abuse is going to help you recognize it in the future and realize that it doesn't define you - many people are unable to do that for many, many years, myself included. I had to wait until I recognized the fact that I was perpetuating those same patterns in all my relationships to realize what had happened to me. I know parents are authority figures and what they say and do have a huge impact on us, but always keep in mind that they're just people, as clueless as everybody else, and that they might know anything about who you are. You can be whatever you want, whoever you want. You'll be ok, I promise.
+Amanda Lu No, your life doesn't belong to them--it belongs to you now and forever. That's the problem with these people--they think that the baby they had is their possession, like a car or a house, which they can treat any way they want and they own it forever. They do not understand that having a baby is a biological function like breathing or digestion and does not make them saints or all-knowing. They must treat us with respect or the crows will later come home to roost for them. When you're 14 it seems like forever but you'll be out in a few hundred days. It's amazing that you're figuring out so young that this is abuse. It took be until I was in my 30s to start getting a clue. Best to you!
It can be really hard when your abusers live with you. I spend much of my time in my room, where my brother's not allowed. But my friends are really helpful whenever I tell them I don't like myself or my brothers were mean to me. Yours can be great resources too! They're really sweet and love you and don't have the authority to do mean things to you, and they're very willing to listen to and support you whenever and whyever you need it.
+Jane Smith Same I hardly go outside the only reason I'll ever go out of my room is for food and to the bathroom and for school I spend most of my time on my phone and drawing and on my Xbox or ps4
My parents haven’t emotionally abused me but my older sister definitely has throughout my childhood, I never realized that it was emotional abuse. But at the same time, my sister was and still is emotionally abused by my father.
longifee fy it’s not as easy as that you can’t just go up to a depressed person like that or a lot of other mental illnesses and just go “SPREAD THE LOVE HONEY BE HAPPY AND NEVER BE SAD LOVE LOVE LOVE” it just doesn’t work that way, it’s like going up to a person with asthma having an asthma attack saying “BREATHE JUST BREATHE ITS NOT THAT HARD JUST BREATHE”
I watched this video so often while in my abusive relstionship. It was a very important thing for me this video as it helped me realise how bad it was and that I needed out. Now I'm out I see how bad this relstionship was and am thankful that Kati and this video was a big part in helping me realise I needed out.x
“I’m trans” “no you’re not. I know what you are. you’ll always be *deadname*, you’ll never be able to escape it” my mom has outed me to so many adults in my life, including my youth group leader, my nana, my cousins, and she never told me. i started crying and she was like “i’m just trying to help you.” and she made herself the victim
I’ve been emotionally abused throughout my whole life... Started in school , Family .. Personal life (relationship wise) I’m so use to it and I always say “Oh it’s ok” even though it’s not okay and it hurts
Thanks for this video! For those young people living at home and still dependent on abusive parents as described here... If you have no money, no power, no allies, no defenders, no hope, and don't have what it takes to make big speeches against these people, and if you feel safer staying quiet.... Have hope. I was there. I got through it, and you will to. If you can't speak up, there are other ways to keep yourself safe. Please keep learning and reading and exploring to learn what options are available. You have rights, and deserve the opportunity to enjoy life. There are so many resources out there. Google your questions word-for-word. Join reddit (with a fake name, like I use) and post your questions. Empower yourself. Get excited about the awesome life you are gonna have when you get out of there. Put your energy into building yourself into a powerful, educated, confident person. It really will be great when you have what you can only imagine today. This is an opportunity. You have wisdom and insight from these negative experiences that most people miss out on. You can turn that to your advantage. You will be a more valuable employee. And some day, you'll make a much kinder and supportive boss. And you'll be a fantastic parent. Your adult life after a bad adolescence will be so much more rewarding and fulfilling than those who had "normal" upbringings, because you EARNED your success, and overcame so much more. You can't change the past. You can't change the present. And you can't control other people. But you CAN start planning your future to exactly what you want. So start dreaming, and plan big. Plan a life that will be so awesome that it will make up for the crap you went through up till then. Now go and do step one. Make lists of what you want. Then Google how to take step 2, planning how to achieve it. The future is gonna be great!
I am in an abusive relationship myself. It sucks to deal with this when you love the person with all your heart but they deeply hurt you over and over 😢
What about emotionally abusive moms who abuse the shit out of you then play the innocent role by saying "You know I love you, I say these things out of love". Then when you question whether they love you or not they say "If I didn't love you I wouldn't be taking care of you, buying you clothes, video games, etc." I love my mom but deep down inside I have some type of hatred for her. My brother and my father also do but my mother doesn't understand why we act the way we act around her. Me and my brother are very defiant and talk back A LOT (Still do till this day and I'm 19 and he's 25). Nobody who TRULY knows my mom wants to be around her. She struggles to have friends. She doesn't have many so she's always in the house nagging at me or my father for dumb shit. She wouldn't say this but I know that sometimes when my friends wanted to hang out she wouldn't let me go with them just so she wouldn't be alone or something along those lines.
My mother also has anger issues due to her mother abandoning her when she was a child. She takes that anger out on everyone in the household and is also suicidal. It's a on and off thing. My mother has threw a knife at me, punched me in the eye with her keys (thank god it missed my eye ball 😐), and also use to whoop me. But the thing about the whoopings were she enjoyed it. She enjoyed hurting me and I can see it in her eyes every time she does it. It's scary. My father on the other hand hated doing it. Sometimes he only would whoop me just to make my mother happy because my mom would degrade him if he didn't. It's like once my mother gets upset a whole new person comes out. I'm 19 and she STILL acts like this. I tried to talk to her about it many times but we ALWAYS resort to arguing. I also ran away when I was 18. I got black mailed into coming back by my father because my mom was literally going crazy. I hate my life 😭
No matter what I can't escape this endless abuse. Even if I'm not with her she'll call me with an attitude, I'll say something that ticked her off, and bam I'm being emotionally abused...on the phone...in front of my friends...and if I hang up I have to hear it x100 when I get home. The fucked up part is she'll go and rage over the phone putting me down for how long as she feels to and you can't stop it. It makes me go crazy. I always wanted to kill myself. But now it's getting to a point where I really want to kill her which isn't healthy, mentally. When she's around her presence just pisses me off a lot. When I'm home and she's there, I don't feel happy. When I'm home and she's not there, THE WHOLE HOUSE IS HAPPY and you can literally feel it in the air. When she's around all I feel is negativity and I hate it. HOW DO I FIX THIS SHIT
+Supreme, hang up the phone? You may like the book "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life". You need some boundaries and a safe place to heal. Don't give up; you're on the right track because you're looking at this stuff. You're 19, so on the verge of launching out; try to focus on getting a career in place, so you will be able to safely distance yourself. When you have some objectivity, you can work through these issues and maybe even find healing with your mom. Remember, "Hurt people hurt people." Your mom is probably in a lot of pain. It's up to her whether she seeks healing. But for you, healing is on the way as long as you keep moving forward towards it.
my mom always said my dad hated me and that's why he moved out. i stayed with her for 5 years because i believed her. she started to tell me things like "your dad is a pathetic liar and i hope he dies for lying to you constantly" and so i started ocassionally visiting him until i realized hes not the liar. my mom always said if i wanted to live with him i could, then she said no when i told her how i felt. she started pushing me around cleaning everything whilst calling me lazy yet all she did was sit around and show my brother affection.one day she yanked my hair and pulled me simply for raising my voice as a joke because she poured water all over me. i had always wondered why my sister left my mom so quickly but then i got it. i talked to her for about a year on how i felt. my mom eventually figured out i didnt wanna live with her. she told me to pack my things and leave while screaming. i texted my dad and sister and they got me out. i live with my dad now and i lost my depression.
+S U P R E 〽 E does it ever happen to you like, your parent(s) treat you like an absolute piece of shit and are proven wrong and never apologize, and try to be affectionate and act like nothing happened but when you are still mad at them they get mad at you and blame you and act like you were the one that hurt them when they hurt you?
Of course they will deny it! Dont tell them because then, they will convince you that you're crazy for thinking that, and you'll doubt yourself. I've done it and regreted it.
***** What about as a young adult living with my parents. As an adult I notice how abusive my families behavior is and when I attempted to leave they all cornered me and grabbed me and held me down restrict my movements. I don't know where I can go and I know that's what they want me to feel, but I don't feel safe here anymore.
This perfectly describes my twin sister. Even the rest of my family sometimes. It’s hard to be an emotional person in a family of people who see sensitivity as a sign of weakness
its ok. You need to make it through when you move out cut all the ties you have with them. Stay strong I belive in you. and im always here if you need to talk
me too. I actually just signed and payed for an appartment yesterday and I'm moving out in a week. I think the important thing to do is not to hold grudges and show everyone that you will be braking that pattern. Maturity sometimes shut's everyone else's mouths. I repeat... don't hold grudges cause people is just people. we all have flaws and many of them are just consecuences of the things being done to them. Keep loving your family (it will be difficult, yes) but from a distant and healthy relationship.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS SO COVERT IT DAMAGES. QUIETLY IT RIPS AT YOU UNKNOWINGLY.YOU QUESTION YOUR OWN SANITY. THE SCARS CAN LAST SO LONG UNTIL YOU GET. INTENSE THEARPY!.
Not so sure even professional help helps. It takes a lot, a lot of soul searching and digging deep to find out what your part in it is, because no one should have the power to make anyone feel a certain way. Realize you are enough, you matter. And you're not gonna put up with it anymore. Simple as that. Learn to be content with yourself and financially independent and you never have to put up with anyone abusing you ever again
I've been emotional abuse my whole life by my mom. all because of her I've struggled in life being insecure about my whole self and it has been hard. she doesn't even realize what she's doing to me and I don't think she will. I've always had low self-esteem and 0 self confidence, my mom breaks me down each day with her words. I will not blame her for the mistakes I've made in my life but I know if she wasn't like this then maybe I wouldn't do certain things, such as going outside searching for love. I'm 18 now and all I want is to full fill my dreams so I can prove her wrong about me and at least gain her love. I've never been this open but right now I'm just tired of everything and I feel like I'm way too young to be this stressed.
Neikaluv y’know i can totally relate my mom was a nightmare i even had panic attacks when i was a kid because of her but now that im grown i can really see her from a different perspective ,the life shes had made her a shitty person and sometimes a shitty mom but that didnt have to be me i want to be happy and if she wont take peace, joy, and healing i will ,my little healing process started when i started realizing that im an individual and everything that happened wasnt my fault, and despite flaws im lovable ❤️ idk if it helps but theres that haha
i still have a hard time validating emotional abuse. idk....my family was abusive fyi.....i ijust feel like i'm not allowed to feel sorry for myself over emotional abuse. i feel like i'm overacting and it's not really abuse...it's not right but but not abuse.
I seriously feel exactly identical to this! I feel like I'm just making it up because my parents constantly make it a point to drill in my head that its just normal for children to blame their parents for everything.
my mother.... i have hated her ever since i was a child.. she belittles me everyday. i barely have any self esteem whatsoever. i have tried and tried AND TRIED. she never listens and never apologizes for anything. she thinks I'm psychopath even when I'm just explaining a situation better but then she says I'm making up excuses. I HATE HER I don't care about her one bit. my mother has tried to hit me and slap me but since I'm so jumpy, my reflexes are skilled and my dad has protected me from her a couple times too.. when i move out I'm going to florida with my cousin and never speaking to my mother ever again...
Just a Person on the internet My mother is kind and loving when I was small and we are poor, but now that she succeed in her career she became different and instead she became my boss instead of my parent. Just like you I was being degraded overtime without even knowing I'm already undergoing depression. So yeah better try to get out as early as possible before it destroys you or you destroy her, don't want to say this but things will turn to hate eventually if you have that kind of parent(s). But time heals. Hoping, eventually the pain, sadness and anger will go away and the best thing to do that is don't stay with her anymore..
I was in a relationship with someone who was constantly emotionally abusing me. It was a nightmare. He manipulated me into thinking everything was my fault. Blamed me for his wrong doings. Degraded me a lot and was very controlling. I’m still healing from it. Put me down a lot and judged me a lot as well. He had no remorse for his consistency for hurting me. There are days where I just feel so numb to the core and there are days I feel okay. I felt so numb when he broke up with me.. I guess I made so many excuses for him because sometimes love makes you really blind.. but I learned and I’m just glad to just be able to wake up everyday knowing I’m free and at peace. But seriously a person does not have to hit you to call it abuse. Emotional abuse is just as bad.
エストラダカイラ Stockholm syndrome. It's like you end up feeling bad for them because they're so awful. It's hard but once you're away it's the biggest relief in the history of mankind. Can't imagine what Jesus went through. Like, the world has been full of disgusting sociopaths since the beginning of time.
I am so glad you are doing videos about this. #3-5 described my childhood abuse perfectly. I am 34 and I didn't even know that I could override my childhood programs of feeling not good enough until maybe a year and half ago, and it is my hope that by awareness that others may discover their abuse and recover a lot quicker/sooner.
You just described my parents. I’m afraid to speak up because they’ll get mad at me and say things like “YOURE JUST SENSITIVE” or “AFTER ALL I HAVE DONE FOR YOU”
I stopped talking to my abusive mother 6 years ago. I am no longer suicidal. I stopped talking to my dad around the same time because he could not (and actively would not) see my life and mental health issues stemming from neglect and emotional abuse. I have difficulty making friends and communicating. I did not learn to talk until I was almost 4 years old. I remember being in day care and not understanding the sounds the people were making. They had to teach me words. My dad never saw this because he was always working or too tired from working to see my lack and deficiency. My dad and I started texting after a few years of no contact and we finally got to a place where each of us agreed that a visit together would be nice. The plan derailed when he said the I have some fences to mend with my mother. I never texted him again. Why could we not see each other without her? Is he not a complete person on his own? I feel so abandoned and let down. I am 42 years old and I feel like the pain will never leave me.
Please try to see how very special you are as a person without your abusive parents. I know it's hard to listen to, but really no matter if they are our parents, siblings or friends, as long as people disrespect us and abuse us, we don't need them in our life. Life can be so beautiful with the right people - you just have to forget about the abusive people and get out there and meet the nice people. Before you do meet the right people though, you have to do a lot of work on yourself and get to love and respect yourself in order to attract the right people who will treat you the way you deserve. Stay away from ALL ABUSIVE PEOPLE - no-one needs them! Remember you are a special person and deserve to be treated in a special way. Good luck.
That's literally my Mom. And most people that I know. I can't even decide what I wanna wear because I feel I doesn't matter because it was always already decided, let alone decisions like what college I wanna go to. She's never to blame... so who's to blame? Me... I blame myself.. for being born
when she said "this doesn't define us" I brike in tears sknce so often I felt like pple only see my parents but not me and all of this was accurate. It was like sth. I needed to hesr this doesn't define me its in the past
This is interesting, thank you! I'm a psychotherapist and these signs of emotional abuse are typically inflicted by a person (or parent) with narcissistic personality disorder. And it can be even more subtle than we realise where their passive aggressive derogatory comments can be masqueraded as support or concern or even generosity. E.g. I bought you this new mobile phone protector because we know how clumsy you can be! Or You share a dream goal and they say: "That's a great idea, but maybe you should be more realistic, you do struggle with self-discipline (for instance". All couched in support. Very important video thank you, it can go right under our radar and as you say be even more damaging than physical abuse (which is an obvious offence).
I've always kept my expectations extremely low. I never spoke about what I wanted, or felt like what I wanted really mattered. Everything was based off of the idea that there was a 'right' answer. What did I want in the realm that people couldn't get angry? I can't handle confrontation so frustration just builds up until I start to hate people for making me feel so guilty for my feelings. Then I feel guilty for "exploding", when really I just shut myself in my room for a couple days and didn't talk to anyone... with a passion. I dunno. I feel really lost on what I feel.
That sounds familiar. I, too, am so apprehensive about confrontation that I keep my mouth closed just to avoid it. But it doesn't go away. The feeling, the anger, the irritation is still there, brewing inside. And then I let more and more things slide just to avoid confrontation until I can't avoid it anymore and I EXPLODE for the ost minor offense... and then I feel guilty. I think it's a good idea to learn a healthy way to confront people.
Scaring to hear so many people repeating my own experience! It went on after I moved out, I had to struggle all my life to always rebuild my bounderies and fight for my territory. It took me forty years to find support and start to heel my emotional wounds. If this is you now, please get yourself help, don't let it go on. Your are worth it, you're a precious person! And remeber: It is not your fault. The person who is doing this to you, has his or her own history. Mostly they do the best they can, even if it is hell for you. It is because of them, not because of you. They won't change, but you can.
Thanks for this. My wife is going through this with her mother but she can't see it happening. I've noticed it and mentioned it but she's oblivious to it as her mother has done this all her life and been controlling.
literally describing my mom add to this physical abuse for 18 years this has been my life i hate it and wanna change it the only way is to go to college im doing my best and please pray for me to get in and for everyone who is going through this awful situation
O MY word - YES! All of the above. And not being able to consider yourself in life is the result. Not taking responsibility for their wrongs, and when it’s unmistakable, then it’s “That’s just the way I am, I can’t help it”, so you’re just stuck!
I wish I would have seen this when you posted it initially. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship at that point. But even now, as I'm in therapy for it, this video helps to identify that it was a good thing the relationship ended.
My ex. I stayed a very long time for many reasons, including, probably most importantly, "because it's not like he hit me." I could list so many examples. 1) Despite being the primary, even only, wage earner at times, I was given a $20/month allowance, if I'd been good. 2) He bought my clothes. If I managed to buy something I liked, or was given a clothing gift I adored, and he didn't like it/approve, he'd get rid of it. As an added level of manipulation, sometimes he'd tell me God told him to give it to someone in need. Note: I am only 2:14 in; this topic hit me hard. 3) When trying to get my education, he'd move states before I could finish. Twelve hours short of a triple major--psychology, Deaf ministries, music, oh, and Bible/theology. 4) He had to approve of my friends. As things escalated, no one was worthy of approval. 5) He told me he didn't love me, but he would never divorce me. 6) He timed my trips to the store, etc. 7) He said no one would (but him) would/could ever love me. This escalated to if I can't have you, no one can. He threatened to kill me twice (very early on). 8) He tried to get a $500,000 life insurance policy on me, if not more, but didn't tell me. The insurance company called/alerted me and made a plan to keep me safe. All this and then some--I was married to him for fifteen years--and I still didn't leave. Emotional abuse is so insidious and damaging. The last four years I lived in an 8x10 room, leaving only with his permission, even if he was gone! My daughter snuck me food and drink. I was a mental wreck, which played in his favour. Oh yeah, he was a pastor/social worker (still is, at a high level), and 911 operator. Ten years later and I am only now starting to come around. Edit: watched the rest...yep, dead on Even neglected to get off a game together me medical attention when I was hit by a car, on foot..
Summer Dais As a Christian, it ticks me off that he tried to "hide" behind some psuedo-Christianity to hurt you. I hope you know that real Christians who have an abiding relationship are far different then that guy. I'm so sorry for what you went through, hon.
So happy you ended that HELL, that a despicable person. Its great to start again, its never late, you worth it!! Hope everything is better and you keep learning, really
