Someone thought I was stuck up! I knew why she thought this, but it was not me, it was her. To no surprise to me, she figured this out and we’ve been friends since! I KNOW why they feel how they feel, I just don’t care if they like me. I’d really like that, but it’s not necessary for me. I guard myself well from these issues.
Being misjudged as inferior, then not fitting into their narrative- I find this endlessly confusing. I guess it's the other person's mismanagement of ego?
To honest, most people can’t handle the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth it’s got to be sugarcoated. My perspective is slightly askew from most when it comes to this community because of my background, but there’s certain aspects of who we are, we can’t change honesty to your core, and when you over share, which is another one of those issues lol from this beautiful personality lol that people just can’t handle. Thanks again young lady me and my girls appreciate you and all you do. 🐶😎🐶🤙
INFJs "don't play the game." Thank goodness there are some people on the planet who understand this!! I tried to explain this to someone once and they looked at me like I was from another planet. 👽 Needless to say, I got their message - loud and clear! Thank you, Wenzes! This was so very helpful. Much appreciated!
@@galespressos That's a jab at the want to be this and that's 😂. As dangerous as the neighborhood is (Chicagoland.) It doesn't phase me anymore. I look at or to the real people with substance virtue and honesty. You want games, go down the street. Are you looking for trouble? Then go down the street and you'll find it.
For #5 I remember my brother saying he wants someone easier than I am because I am not easily “played” or “fooled” into love, that I’m difficult to please as I take everything with a grain of salt. I wear these words as a badge of honor, as they mean I am not a liar, not a player, and certainly not a fool. ❤
Tired of exes saying “you are too intense” and moving on to “easier” mates, yet coming back over and over for years begging for a bask of my toomuchness” . Too bad, too late.
Here's a stupid reason.... I have a pickup truck. It is 27 years old, it's in great shape because of taking care of it. Yet people want me to get rid of it and buy a new one. I have been rejected because I wouldn't do what people told me to do.
people are such unempathetic, trendy, conformist, cowards, this species has always disgusted me on many levels with their group thought and might is right, power in numbers mentality, i stay away from these hyper competitive insecure, shallow, fear driven projecting weirdos
All of them #4 makes me heartbroken the most. As an INFJ I could not simply imagine myself not being a giver, and not giving my whole heart in a relationship. There was a woman I loved and she also considered that as a fault of mine, dumped me and left me completely broken. If that's a fault, I rather stay alone all my life, while still being true to my values. If no one will appreciate my heart and efforts, it's not my fault. That's all, folks.
i know, this honestly doesn’t make sense to me. its like we have to live life on mission impossible mode, these people can never be pleased or satisfied and they’re ungrateful as hell
I have also been a giver, but I've evolved and I have realised that that wasn't healthy. now, I have boundaries, I fill my own cup, I don't use "giving" to others as an escape from myself, and actually focusing on my own life. giving is fine, but don't do it so much, that you forget how your own life looks like, that you forget that you have a life you need to take care of. i wasn't giving. i was using that person as a crutch to escape rescuing my own life. what a puzzle. we rarely realise the reality of this situation while we are in it. that's how it looked like for me. for me, I say, pals.
Yes! I’m glad you are protecting yourself and ensuring you’re with a partner who will appreciate your kind, giving nature. My brother is an INFJ and have seen women take advantage so much. Makes me sad! Good men like him are hard to find
Before u give, it should be asked for, don't give if it's not asked, that's what wenzie is explaining, use your gift when it's needed only. When asked for and needed don't hold back, coz infj sometimes has self doubt or trauma that prods them to talk themselves out or self sabotage, too. Be firm with who you truly are, so you can attract the one that needs that in you in their lives.
People don’t want our help or advice. People want our listening ear; and then they want our help. They don’t want to be better, they want to be dependent (on us). They take our good will as weakness and all they can think is: how can I exploit this person? It’s sad. People are generally lazy users who don’t like to routinely get shown up by INFJ’s living an epic life. It’s all just one big contest to them. Every four months or so I meet a stranger or old acquaintance who is genuinely warm and I feel like a cactus who is finally getting watered. That’s how rare good people are. My advice…find the perfect dog. Find a spouse or significant other who gets you. Then focus on nature. Wanna put yourself out there? Do it for a stranger that you will never see again. That way you can know that you helped someone, but not have to deal with the fallout later. Put your trust in God and not people. We are never too much for Him. And love yourself. It’s not you-it’s them. Know that other people are not like you and…lower your expectations. Yeah. And then lower them some more. Lol
I’ve been rejected since I was a child.. first by my parents and then teachers, childhood schoolmates, adult relationships.. I’m 52 and alone and I’m pretty done with people. I have my dog and that has to be enough
Wenzes, you will never know how much I and all the people watching your videos value the content you make. This one was very timely too, really and truly needed this. Just hearing the subconscious patterns we go through as Infjs throughout our lives being verbalised and categorised is extremely therapeutic. Thank you for the content, really appreciate you and your work.
You know, I have lost two of my best friends, not because I was giving to them, but because they couldn't see how much I bought into their lives. I helped and helped and helped them (but very subtle). But I was the one that ended up being rejected. They both took me for granted.
In kindergarten I met a girl I really felt a close connection to and was giving her lots of attention, and she was so uncomfortable that she asked the teacher to make me leave her alone. I was so confused and upset that I made her feel bad. But I still felt like she would be a great friend so I really made an effort to reach out to her in a less intense way. It worked and we became friends. Even after we both moved to other states we stayed friends as pen pals for years. We are in our 40s now and still long distance friends. It's not the closest friendship. We go months without talking at all, and we usually feel super awkward in person because we have very different personalities and interests, but we actually stayed in touch. When I've been ghosted again and again from much closer friends this friendship has endured. I let it be what it was and didn't push it to be a closer friendship than it could be.
00:52 # 1 INFJ is disarming 5:12 # 2 INFJ get vocal about vulnerable things 9:59 # 3 INFJ cross emotional boundaries 14:28 # 4 INFJ are givers 14:34 # 5 INFJ don't play the game
Translation, relationships are a game and infj is the final boss, so please be gentle this game isn't fair! 😂❤ ** A game in a sense you cant just tell someone openly what you think, rather going around meaning other people play the game not the infj.
Subconsciously I’ve been doing this for years. They still know that you know but sometimes you just have to pretend to be blank. It’s quite funny actually esp with the super prideful people
I have always been approachable. If I am out somewhere doing anything someone is likely to stop and try to talk with me. I think I often have the ability to put people at ease. Its likely my "people pleasing" INFJ nature!b So I understand her first point very well. More than once I have been in the company of a higher up at a corporation at maybe a happy hour or some other out of context event and put them at such ease that they started speaking with me as if I was a peer or confident. Then the next time I ran into them I felt the cold rejection emanating from them as they re-establshed their rank and so called superiority over me. Its one of the reasons I hate corporate culture. No one wears actual uniforms indicating rank and status and a lot of places try to pretend that all employees are "partners" or "associates" and that there is a "flat" reporting structure and not a tradition hierarchy. So its not uncommon at a mandatory fun social function to get into conversations with people and have them open up to you or you to them and then regret all of it the following day in a formal meeting in a conference room! The rejection is real.
Most of them are cosplaying and finessed their way into the room. They felt comfortable because it was in a room full of other high ranking getting money frauds. Everything feels fake because it is fake. Those in their life outside of their cosplay community know the real them. No amount of money can make a person feel real in the presence of those who actually are real. That mask slips right off.
I just had this experience two days ago. When it happens and you notice the rejection, the best tbing is to let it go and leave them alone. Keep your head down and do what you came to do.
In regards to the first of the reasons you gave, I feel it has to do with people getting vulnerable without the conscious decision of doing so, because it just happens in the same way you drink wine. We literally function as a substance that relaxes you and by the end of the conversation the person finds itself naked in front of you and for the great majority getting vulnerable is hand in hand with shame. Surely what the other person can't see is you're also naked because you're so comfortable on your skin that you don't look naked. The issue with what I described is that sadly correlates too much with dangerous forms of manipulation where someone is being taken into places they are not fully aware of. This also linked to the fact that many times when someone gets vulnerable, especially if accompanied by shame and self rejection, they'll tend to project onto you any issue with authority figure that might have going on, which is bingo!
Thank you. This is timely. I was just being myself with best intentions in group setting trying to make a group member comfortable. The group “leader” felt triggered by my comment and, in the most condescending manner, corrected me for speaking up and then personally attacked my character. I apologized for their presumed slight (would not want to hurt someone) and did not attempt to explain any further. Just not playing the deference to the leader game.
After taking the 16 personalities test several times, it always came up that I was INFJ. But I secretly wondered in the back of my mind if maybe the assessments were faulty & that maybe I was not a true INFJ & was actually INFP or something else. But after listening to you for two years now…I’m totally sure I’m official. Lol. The things you say resonate so deeply that it’s scary. Thank you for your commitment to INFJ tutelage & enlightenment. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
16p is actually predicated on the big 5 it has nothing at all to do with cognition. The likelihood is yourself & the vast majority of people on here are ESFPs or ISFPs . I'd check out Cognitive Personality Theory for clarification, including Wenzes, respectfully.
Real talk! Some hard truths we need to hear. I recognize all of them from my experience. Navigating these boundaries with people is something I am still learning - i.e. when are they inviting us into these deep conversations, and when are they just making semi-casual conversation. This is especially tricky when meeting people from different cultures or travelers, as the boundaries and topics are often unexpected and not so easy to navigate. Worst case you have single-serving friends (as Tyler Durden put it), when they don't want to meet you again or don't know what to do with you... Thank you Wenzes :)
"single-serving" friends is great. Is that a fight club reference? That can go both ways. I am sure many people have had enough of me after one serving but as an INFJ I feel that way about many more!😄
Rule #5 re:don't pay the game I think has been the most significant difference between us and them. If it's going south quickly without a chance of liberation, I remind them that the reason they play the game is because they are incapable of living in accordance to their own rules and in fact, lead the livelihood of sheep. I also remind them to consider who are great at playing games.....children. By this point, they're usually furious. It's not that I'm anti-game....I'm just unaware and could care less of the rules.
I will Not Lower My Moral Standard on Honesty. People can't Handle the Truth. that's NOT MY Problem. That's on Them. I let People I know I expect Nothing Less from them. Always be Honest with Me- Even if You think it's going to Hurt Me. I'll know if You are being Honest or Not Anyway so..... I have One Friend- The Only Person who Decided to always be Honest with Me. I Find Myself Richer than Most People because Truth is there and Yes at times Honesty Hurts but- How else is Anyone going to Learn and Grow? Plus being n INFJ- Super Empath- Why would I need to be in the Midst of Groups of People?
My thoughts exactly. I only need like-minded people around me. Most of the time I am the one rejecting others. I feel I am too honest and truthful for them.
@@sham9411 We aren't willing to operate in such a way as to inconvenience ourselves, that's all. Especially in front of others. How many of us are willing to draw everyone else's attention to a particular fact if it's one that can only make him or her look bad? Not many of us are willing to, if any of us are willing to. And it's most of the time that the unwillingness is an unconscious one.
This is right on time. 🙏🏾 It’s the last point for me. I went through that argument almost verbatim this morning. Thank you for the language to help me transition. “I am fully committed to myself and showing up in the fullness of myself.”
This is so important. My whole life I have felt a disconnect from reality when relating to people. Things seem amazing and we connect be it socially, professionally or romantically, and then they are just gone. It. Is. So. F*cking. Weird. I feel like I'm in upside down world most of the time. I have a vibrant, compassionate, engaging and empathetic personality that I spend most of my time hiding because other people can't handle it. So painful and sad. I am 63, artistic and over trying to be in the box. It is society's loss when it shuns people like us. We have great gifts to share and are passionate about sharing them. Thank you Wenzes. You are a bright light in a dark world.♥
I remember when i was really close friends with someone, there was some emotional dependence, but then all of a sudden they were just gone, and i just like it was for such a strange reason, and was so out of left field.
Eagles fly alone. Together we move mountains. Pushing forward makes me stronger. Nature gives me unique experience. Unconditional love respect and gratitude 🙏
People just spill secrets and hidden desires to me. I sit on a park bench and the next thing I know someone is telling me about the time they saw a ghost or how they pulled out a tooth at home due to lack of money. Just this past week it was something about a guy who found a finger tip in potato salad. No, it's never the uplifting stories. It always involves ether body fluids or insects. Funny thing is, I just smile and nod a lot. This is perfectly normal. Welcome to my world, a mix of the Twilight Zone and Dr. Ruth.
People tell me their trauma and darkest secrets they wouldn’t even tell their loved ones or partner. It’s nice to know they find me trustworthy to do so but man, some wild stories out there.
@@FirehorseG I very literally started calling my practice 'Abyss Witchery' for that reason. People trauma -dump their horrific secrests and experiences on me. Total randos, every time I go to a social gathering like a party. For years. It made me really start to avoid leaving the house for a while, until I finally studied trauma therapy and neurdivergent psychology and learned to set better boundaries for myself.
@@shockedpikachuface7376 I’m aware but thanks for the info. It was worse when I was a child. They came more, I’m older now it so doesn’t happen nearly as often, the outlier is when looking for a relationship I’m told all the horrible abuse they’ve gone through from the women I have shown interest in.
One day as I sat in a hospital waiting area, waiting for some tests, I learned almost the whole life story of the lady sitting by me. It made me think of all of the times that has happened. Once while on vacation, the maid came to clean as I was getting ready to leave. She visited with me for an hour and I knew all about her life. I told my husband one day that I should have been a spy. He can say hi to people and off he goes. I say hi and learn all about them! 😂
Welp...know that the special agents of chaos are always hiring. They know how curiosity works and they are always scouting for new talent. Fresh faces.
A VERY timely video indeed. A lot of people in the comments seemed to experience aspects of 'INFJ rejection' this weekend. Here's mine: After a period of hiding things and letting them build up, the bucket overflowed and I had to tell my dad (ISFJ) the truth via a letter, because I'm not as good as verbally putting things across as to writing. He got angry, overreacted, and then my whole family was compelled to blame me and attack me for various little things, that they dislike about me, for the rest of that night. I swear; the challenges of being an INFJ. But it's worth being in that little cozy 2% group. I was asked to 'apologise' for hurting his feelings. I was finally able to get through to my INFP mum that I'll apologise if I'm 'wrong', but not for sharing my truth and being me. My family are like, you need to try harder with communicating to dad; but how can I when he doesn't like deep conversations and my truths? Don't get me wrong; the general family dynamic is functional; but I must say I've been holding back my personality and colours a lot just to keep someone tame.
It takes a while to find a way to relate to people in a way that fits each of us as individuals. I had to start working on it on my own after moving more than 1600 miles (2.575 kilometers) away from my home in Michigan to the Mexican Border in Texas. This was in 1977, which was definitely in the pre-digital and pre-internet era. In fact, as I listened to this video I had wondered what it would have been like if I could have had this information in those days. These five points are good suggestions to follow. Even as INFJs, we have some individual differences - but I think that if we rely on our intuition mixed with good solid reasoning ( and it's possible to have both) we can begin to put something together that fits us personally. It isn't always easy, and we will make mistakes, and It can take some time to do. It might not happen overnight but it doesn't have to take years and years, either. One thing that has helped me in meeting people and building relationships is that by starting out by being friendly, smiling, and greeting people. If I'm conversing with someone, I find it safest to respond to things that he or she tells me and to be sparing with my opinion until we get better acquainted. It puts me in the position of becoming a better listener. Also, I'm often better off (after greeting and sending out signals that I'd like to get to know him or her better) to then let that person come to me. Learning how to relate to others, for me, is always a work in progress, but I think we can tap into our innate wisdom. These Five Points you give can help us to do that.
Video Request from a fellow INFJ: Links between INFJ personality type and ADHD & Autism. I'm 21 years old. Wish I had found you sooner. You have become a lifetime mentor to me. You videos are life changing. Thank you very much for the immense support you provide to the INFJ community through this channel and through your audio guide and bootcamps. Loads of love to you and your works❤
Bookmarked! Makes me giggle. When I was raising my kids as a single father in a small town I was ostracized. It was my personality. However, it might have also been because of cultural bias. My kids are Canadian First Nations, treaty aboriginals. The experience turned me into an INFJ protector. Stay safe. ❤
Wow. This is like tapping in on there energy field without permission. Well I must say it happens automatically. However I can appreciate not to acknowledge these findings. You keep this knowledge secret not use it to fix them. Or push them to see the truth about themselves. Because they just are not ready. So the ego gets offended and there is nothing you can do. No going backwards. What a valuable lesson you have taught here. Infinity gratitude and love to all. 💜⭐️💜
infjs are truly unsung heroes, these other types have no idea what we have to go through socially and everything else on top of that going on in society. i walk with god, he gets me
A long time ago I was going to change my acronym name. I found it through an Aussie comedian but a few years later thought dgaf suits me better. Dilligaf is who I need to be at times. Hmmm. Glad I just typed that out.
yes i did this when i started doing affirmations daily and after a while, i suddenly decided to release the light within myself and not to go through a prejudge process first for anybody who came in my zone... So I just began to be really vulnerable with everybody. True.
In other words: Reason 1: people are insecure about themselves Reason 2: people are insecure about themselves Reason 3: people are insecure about themselves Reason 4: people are insecure about themselves Reason 5: people are insecure about themselves
Those are just a bunch of cowardly people. Ephesians 4:14 "14 We must stop acting like children. We must not let deceitful people trick us by their false teachings, which are like winds that toss us around from place to place." 2 Timothy 1:7 "7 God's Spirit[a] doesn't make cowards out of us. The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control."
Haha. Your comment on social media is nail on the head. I, literally, use it wrong. On RU-vid, I want dislikes. On Twitter, I never tweet (only comment) and don't follow ANYONE. I used to have Instagram and posted weird things which never gained traction. I use social media as more of an entertainment for winding up narcissists or insecure people.
Wow…the intricacies of this video is great, “give in a way that values you” Absolutely great advice. Wenzes carry’s a world of genius and talent like an atlas, and lays it at our feet. Very thankful!
I agree we articulate the unconsciousness as if it's a movie not our life. I got rejected because it's probably too much or scary that I sound like a psycho. I opened up to a person after he opened up to me, the conversations seemed very logic to me but went deep and weird. Another reason for the rejection was that he plays the social games, trying to fit in and be popular, but I complained about the narcissistic situations bashing out people who tried to impress him. I guess I'm not a pleasant existence for him whatsoever. I have learned how to handle being rejected by people I care about so I'm ok with that.
If I get "rejected" by someone I don't take it personally because that person rejects everyone else also.Including the person they are currently "with" and just using.
Some people seem like stuck-up but really are not, they are overwhelmed and need a distraction to take their thoughts away from themselves. As an INFJ I always give the benefit of the doubt but after 2-3 times the person still acts like stuck-up, then I won’t insist at all. They see my change and they will do something about their own behaviour, I still accept them as they are but definitely with caution.
Is this an example? I was a kid about 9,10,11 hanging around the local park and for some reason, I got into a verbal jousting match with a teenager. He said something which I never heard before and did not know the meaning. He said, "Blow me". I started walking towards him blowing air out of my mouth as he was running and telling me to get away from him.
People tell you to be yourself but they dont really want that, they want you to be what they expect you to be. And the truth is, the way I feel about life is not very mainstream and it's not easy to explain so connecting with others is rare for me.I have unintentionally been offensive and that sucks. I say the wrong things..It's been pointed out to me recently that I have to watch how I compliment others and to not be overpassionate,overshare,etc.On the other hand... I'm too quiet.
the first thing is so confusing, i believe i kind of get it, only because we are capable do understand people upfront they immediately get frigthend....unfair..... it still does not mean that things get in bad ways for the other person but they are not willed to risk it, wow....
7:56 one thing that I’ve noticed here is that I’ve taken my emotional investment out of the equation when it comes to determining why people do things w/o them actually telling me. I was on a work call the other day and before I could even realize I was doing it, I came up with a few logical explanations in why the personal was acting so curt. But instead of trying to figure out “why,” I was focusing on how to solve the task at hand and realized what I subconsciously attributed to the “why” later
I got into serious trouble with the police and was almost arrested and sent to jail, because I tried to help a young girl named Jody who had a sexually abusive father. I made the mistake of writing her what I had intended to be a confidential letter between us, in telling her I was an understanding friend who had come to help her. Everybody freaked out. I should have known better but I just plain didn't. I thought I was being noble.
