5 Signs You Are Over Your Ex

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Clay Andrews examines 5 signs you are over your ex. If you like what we are doing in these videos, you'd probably love our book over at modernlove.life...
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If you're trying to figure out how to know if you are over your ex or not, it can sometimes be confusing and sometimes be completely the opposite of how it actually seems to feel in the moment.
This video is the 5th part of a series on getting over your ex. If you've watched the previous 4 videos, you should have a general sense of the signs you are over him or her.
First, you are out of the initial meltdown stage, where your emotions are seemingly all over the place. It should be pretty obvious, that if you still feel intense levels of sadness, depression, anger, frustration, or anything in between that you are not over your ex yet.
Secondly, there is the over-invested stage. Here your mind is constantly thinking about your ex. Here you are not over your ex because your ex is taking up so much real estate in your mind.
Third, is when you're starting to feel better and your thoughts aren't racing about your ex so much, but your emotions are very volatile. This is a sign that you aren't over your ex yet because you're still recalibrating emotionally after the breakup. This can also be a very tricky time because you may easily end up in rebound relationships or backsliding to one of the earlier stages in the process. Getting over an ex is about balancing out your emotions, not having extreme emotions to one extreme or the other.
Fourth is if you are using dating or relationships to fulfill any need for validation, such as validation from family, from friends, from social media. Validation from your ex. Or validation from men or women in general. All of these are ways that we are unable to bring 100% of ourselves to the present moment to be with the person that we are dating or in a relationship with. And this is one of the signs you are not over your breakup yet.
Fifth, the focus of today's video, is if you are able to overcome all of these things, and you are able to be completely present with another person without it being about your ex, without it being about some arbitrary metric you have in your mind, without it being some intense emotional reactions, or anything else. If you can do that then you are over your ex and over your breakup, and you are 100% emotionally available.

Опубликовано:

6 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 51

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Thank you for watching this video. Here's the links that I mention in this video: Be Loved for Who You Are Book: modernlove.life/book Interview with Adrian from Love Advice TV: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-SsINsQq8dEU.html

@paolanamuncura8879 3 года назад

Omg, 3:12 to start listening !!

@SM-cd4zc 3 года назад

When you go through all the stages even though you didn’t date them 😂

@karinavazquez2164 4 года назад

This was very accurate you described all the stages exactly how I went through them down to the T. Great video!

@ClayAndrews 4 года назад

Thanks for the compliment. :-)

@luciem5372 5 лет назад

Yes please do the male and female points of view! I'm curious.

@Grace_Psychology Год назад

My ex reached out after 21 days of no contact. I tried being his friend for a month after the breakup and it simply didn’t work. No contact did the trick for me. Anyway, I met up with my ex today because he wants to get back together. For some reason, I didn’t feel anything for him anymore. I didn’t want to kiss him or hold his hand anymore. I wasn’t physically attracted anymore. Now that he wants me back, I don’t know if I want him.

@Panzerkuchen 6 месяцев назад

Now you're probably feeling some resentment.

@anneslifeindubai4176 5 лет назад

🥰🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍 Thank you! This is I felt after 2weeks of break up. So I knew now , I'm over towards him!! More power ....🥰🥰🙏😍

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Thank you so much for your enthusiastic comment :)

@anneslifeindubai4176 5 лет назад

@@ClayAndrews 🥰😍

@ryanearl9506 4 года назад

I think after her saying she wanted to talk Bout getting back together....than changed her mind...that made me get out of the over invested part...know your worth..it makes her so mad when she calls me an I'm so calm and tell her I'm so glad you found someone. You take care..like today she was like oh you are huh!?...I haven't dated anyone..like he says you gotta love yourself to love someone..dont seek validation or love in others...put that love in yourself

@TimTam3 3 года назад

Thanks for this video Clay. I feel like I'm doing a lot better in my life though I still go through emotional outbursts randomly once or twice every two weeks. It's random and makes no sense but I'm trying to go with it. I know I'm feeling a lot better than how I was 2 months ago when my heart was broken. Heartbreak is weird and I've never gone through it before so I'm really new to this experience of gloom that feels like it'll never go away, until it does (or so people tell me)

@jazlinmartinez3805 4 года назад

Idk if I hate him or I’m hurt by him

@sanyahturner1806 4 года назад

I liked how you mentioned not seeking validation

@dialecticalspectacle 5 лет назад

Couldn't find the poll...but please do videos on how the genders specifically deal with their issues.

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Thanks. I’m a little surprised at how open everyone is to this. I guess it was all just a limiting belief of mine.

@rumaakthar4494 6 месяцев назад

My ex always need validation from girls it’s why I left him now I’m happy finally dating someone who is right for me and better then how he treated me

@ToddSnow 5 лет назад

Hey clay I liked and subscribed, I have a quick question for you. I’ll keep it short and brief: my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I wasn’t giving her enough attention and wasn’t respecting her time, I took her for granted forsure. We had a passionate relationship and incredible chemistry. A week after she broke up with me I reached out and we started seeing eachother again and talking about getting back together as I told her I would change. Things were going great, we were sleeping together, telling eachother how much we missed eachother etc. Then I found out she was lying to me about talking to another guy, and she lied on numerous occasions. After the third time I asked her to block him or I couldn’t do this anymore. She blocked me instead and completely ghosted me. I am now blocked on everything. She was a great girlfriend, and very trustworthy, so I’m left wondering how she could do this to me? I know that’s a question you cannot answer but can you give any insight on why she would manipulate me like that?

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

I’m sorry that happened to you. But it looks like she is starting to show her true colors. I don’t think she is intentionally trying to be cruel to you or manipulate you. Honestly, she sounds confused herself. But her actions are revealing her true nature. Apparently she isn’t as trustworthy as you thought even though I don’t think she was intentionally trying to hurt you. But this is her character none the less. And you have to take that as feedback and ask yourself if this is acceptable behavior from someone you would want to be in a relationship with or not.

@gilliansanderson4830 5 лет назад

Clay!... You're the best

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Thanks for the positive compliment, Gillian. :-)

@someguy9520 5 лет назад

I got into a relationship recently with a girl i already liked(mutual with her) but I never let those feelings get to me since I was in a relationship with my ex. She was always anxious that I would cheat on her with that girl. Now It's 1,5 months after the breakup and I genuinely like her. But sometimes thoughts pop up like "That's exactly what my ex feared would happen" and such. I don't feel any satisfaction in doing that or feel like i can hurt her that way. I simply enjoy the moments with this girl. But still somtimes those thoughts arise. What do you think is my status? No contact for...about a month. Don't want her back at all

@michellephan4552 4 года назад

Damn the disrespect, if my ex boo had an issue with a girl/guy during our relationship. I will not get with him/her after the breakup. That’s disrespect. But you do you dude

@jaycreativenyc1582 4 года назад

Michelle Phan 😂😂😂😂

@chrislee8532 4 года назад

How did it go?

@someguy9520 4 года назад

@@chrislee8532 complicated. We started out as a casual pair, but then a friend of hers also joined in that relationship. Ended up with her friend instead, although it could have worked out with both anyways Today is our first anniversary ^^

@someguy9520 4 года назад

@@michellephan4552 well, why should I close off my possibilities just because my ex isn't anymore with me? Imo thats not disrespect, but simply caring about yourself and not trying to please everyone And yes, my ex did cheat on me before we broke up and she got into a relationship with that guy afterwards, so its just faie

@alyssongavino2747 4 года назад

Thank you so much Clay. It helped me a lot!

@babetik_ 5 лет назад

Hi Clay, I really need some advice from someone who is just more educated in things like these. I’m in very specific situation. I’m in my last year of bachelor study, he is my classmate. He went for exchange study in first semester. We had really harmonic loving and almost perfect relationship until he left. Also he could go for another exchange, and he took it. Between both of them he broke up with me because I was too needy. Many people think its easier when I cant see him but you know, I keep thinking about the time when he comes home (and it’s really hard, I started doing yoga, excersising, painting, learning languages, always spending tome with someone and of course focusing on my school and bachelor thesis). It’s difficult for me because it’s long distance relationship only for 2 months. And also he will come back for summer but we have final exams in september so I am worried he will really forget about me. That even if we had really great relationship (really both of us believing we end up together and he seemed almost perfect to me, and almost all those 2 years he seemed like he thinks same about me) he tought that traveling is much better for him than me. He seems to be happy there and dont even want to contact me ever again. What do you think?

@annaadams7102 5 лет назад

Thanks for the video. I can't find the download button on iTunes. Having the audios recorded is a great option to enjoy them even at my working hours. Please can I have the link for download option?

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Here it is: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/clay-andrews-relationship-advice-podcast/id1454430990?mt=2

@richarddavis3906 7 месяцев назад

1st sign @7:55

@emilyf3876 2 года назад

My ex broke up with me as I gave a peck to someone in the club so I could give my friend water. I saw him after a week of breaking up, said he forgave me but once I returned home he took it back. Which crushed me further and I don't really believe anything he says. He's trying hard to get me back (3mths now) but I don't if I'm still feeling it or not. It's good when I'm with him but when I'm away I don't feel much for him like I used to.

@wykowski Год назад

You’re a very wise guy

@Brian-zq2lv 5 лет назад

@Clay Andrews i really need advice. Me and my ex are on good terms but shes not mentally ready to have any kind of commitment with anyone. She told me she has to work on herself and her own issues before she can commit again. She told me that she is no where near the mind set to looking at the future at the moment, shes completely focused on herself and the here and now. I told hee if she wanted to work things out later when shes better. She told me idk im not worried about any of that at the moment, just my own issues. I also told her i that i would wait as long as i need to and she told me okay. Whats your advice to me on a way to handle this cause im not sure what exactly is a good way to handle this. Im guessing to just love her through everything cause i honestly want a future with her. Shes also talking to another guy but shes honestly is not taking him seriously, his trying to date her but i doubt she would say yes because of her own plate she has to deal with. I just want to help and support her as much as possible

@kamilahfrancis3532 2 года назад

Your intro was far too long

@ClayAndrews 2 года назад

Thanks for the feedback. :-)

@liamhutton5866 5 лет назад

Hey Clay, my ex girlfriend broke up with me a week ago. She is okay with texting me but she says no to calls because "i dont want you to get the wrong idea, or even me". She still has feelings for me but doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I try to call her because i want to get her laughing but she doesn't want to call anymore. What do i do? Btw, we broke up due to my insecurities and i became a bit jealous and controlling Please reply if you can. Thank k you Clay!

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Hi Davy, First, I hope that you're working on that insecurity, jealousy, and controlling tendency of yours. That's going to be critical in helping her feel more comfortable around you. Secondly, if she's worried that the two of you may end up getting too close for comfort (read: she is TOO attracted to you), then it can help take the pressure off by agreeing to be friends for the time being. I know that this is something people are really afraid of ("the friend zone"), but she will never see you as just a platonic friend. This will, however, take the pressure off so that the two of you can focus on actually enjoying being around each other, rather than trying to define what you are (hint: the better it feels to be around each other, the more ready she will be to define the relationship). Hope this helps.

@liamhutton5866 5 лет назад

@@ClayAndrews thank you so much. Yes i have been working alot on my confidence and things like that. When we talk i am trying to keep things playful and maybe an occasional flirty line. Despite this, she remains slightly distant and her guard appears constantly up. I have been watching dan bacons videos also about trying to get her onto a phone call. She says she never goes on call with her friends and that she wants me to stop calling her to make this "easier". Its a messy situation

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

@@liamhutton5866 I wonder if there is a link between you remaining slightly distant and her having her guard up?

@liamhutton5866 5 лет назад

@@ClayAndrews in what way?

@liamhutton5866 5 лет назад

@@ClayAndrews i asked earlier after school if she was able to hang out for half an hour, she replied with "i dont know if thats a good idea" and she went on to say "we need to stop the phone calls and you asking to meet up" (bear in mind the last time was me making a joke about her bringing me to dinner". She said she doesn't want to get back with me, but she wouldnt have to be careful in how she interact with me if she had no feelings for me. I need to know how to bring her guard down and make her open to meeting up. Let me know what you think

@michaelli5605 5 лет назад

Hi, Clay my girlfriend broke up with me because of parental pressure, and I am still her closest friend. But she is going to college in Cali next year, while I am in AZ, I dont want her to lose feelings for me and drift apart, what should I do? I want her back.

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

What are the "parental issues"? Did she want to break up with you or did someone twist her arm? If she wanted to stay with you, then I"m sure that she won't lose feelings for you any time soon.

@michaelli5605 5 лет назад

@@ClayAndrews So we have been dating for more than 5 months, we were very compatible, but she never told her parents about us. Her parents has been sus the whole time, so they have been telling her that I am not the one, and I am not good enough in like everyway. They basically had been pressuring her about it. Until the beginning of this month, she told them, and her parents basically told her the same thing they have been telling her, and told her how she was distracted by me. She is a very busy person, and she couldn't deal with the pressure and all, and she decided to break up with me. She loves her parents and hated lying to them and disappointing them.

@michaelli5605 5 лет назад

@@ClayAndrews I think she was a bit more inclined to break up with me, so her parents will get off her ass, and she can focus a bit more on school stuff.