Can Exes Be Friends? 

Can we just appreciate the depth of the animation?

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference...that takes time to acquire.

This just broke my heart and healed it at the same time

I think the key component to this working is that both people actually accept that the former relationship is over and to not have any expectations for the future. Mutual forgiveness and valuing the other persons happinesses is also critical. It certainly isn’t for everyone.

“Once my lover, now my friend. What a cruel thing to pretend. What a cunning way to condescend. Once my lover and now my friend.” - Fiona Apple

I thought I missed my Ex till I realized it was only the memories I missed with her when we were perfect

dont let anyone save you for later. READ THAT AGAIN

My ex and I had a horrible relationship. After I broke up with him I didn’t ever want to date ever again. Four years later we started to talk again out of nowhere, and then we discussed the past. We recognized our mistakes and forgave each other. That was like two years ago and currently we are really good friends. I don’t know how, but surprisingly our friendship works. We even play online together and hangout. Time and distance were undoubtedly the most important factors for this to happen.

"If two past lovers can remain friends, either they were never in love, or they still are."

Nice fucking timing, school of life. Nice fucking timing.

I always was in the boat of "of course you can still be friends with your ex" but all of my past relationships I either did the dumping or it was a mutual agreement. Now with my most recent ex being the one who broke up with me, and during a time where our relationship was actually going well, it felt like an insult when she suggested that she still wanted to be friends... Something about the idea that the person wants to meticulously curate and cut out things from your interactions with them is off-putting. I had to ask her exactly what "just friends" means in her eyes because it sounded like she wanted to continue doing everything we were doing, in which case why are we even "breaking up", you know? Ultimately she just didn't want the emotional responsibilities that come with being in a relationship, and while I don't resent her for that and respect her honesty, I do feel like that's kind of shitty and lazy and I feel like I wasted several months. We now just watch each others' Snap stories and share memes on facebook. Thanks for reading all this, random youtube comment section stranger.

Being friends with an ex is like going to the perfect job interview and not landing the job. However the hiring person will still call you and tell you the amazing things about the job and the qualities another person who got the job has. And they'll end the call with "Thanks for listening. We'll call you again when it's convenient for us or if we get an update."

To everyone watching this, I feel you.. we're in this together!

Felt so bad watching this.. but I guess it was necessary :( ..

My partner and I broke up after 11 years. We're friends. The transition was difficult at first. However every so often we will contact one another to say hi or share an article or a funny picture. The point is we know we are there for one another if anything should happen because we genuinely care for eachother and want to be in eachothers life. Romantic relationships are conplicated and staying friends after a breakup definitely is, but a friendship is possible.

It really is hard being a sad ballon

Dear lord am I sad right now.

I hate it when people hurt you and say “we can still be friends” 😂

As the child of two parents who fell in love at university and later undramatically fell out of love and stayed the best of friends I think its obvious exes can still be friends

Remaining friends is the most painful thing you can do, trust me. Do not attempt. There will forever be one person benefitting, and one hurting.

One good test you can ask yourself before deciding whether or not to be friends with your ex, is this: "Would I be jealous if I found out they were dating someone else?" If the answer to that question is anywhere close to a "yes", then you are not ready to be friends with them.

I watched this video after a breakup and decided to remain friends with an ex regardless. She got into a new relationship quickly after the breakup and on one occassion told me she loves being fought over. I realized I was there just to validate her from time to time. I stopped giving her attention and she got angry saying I don't care about her. That's when I blocked her. If anyone is in that situation watching this video I would urge you to do the difficult thing and not stay friends with your ex.

I tried to be friend with my ex, but never have I felt that burdened in my life. I was the "victim" and he was the one who broke up with me. Finally after I found out that he's dating someone else, I deleted all of his pictures from my phone and also deleted his number and I felt a sudden relieve

even if you wish to be friend with your ex , the development of emotions isn't equal for both sides , one would fine love soon enough and that can be disturbing for the other one

The narcissist loves to stay friends in order to have someone to go back to...repeatedly

I always watch this when I miss my ex

I'm still friends with my first boyfriend. We dated when we were 17 - 18 and loved eachother very much. Then school was finished and we both went abroad to different countries and separated since we were both hungry for life and adventure, each respecting the other ones journey. Life happened and we life in different countries and have different partners. We see eachother from time to time and still have love and respect for each other. I love him, and always will but don't feel the romantic element of it anymore. I'm happy we separated on good terms and always stayed respectful towards each other :)

An ex saying we can be friends is like a vet telling you your dog is dead, but you can still keep it.

"You can never be just friends with someone you loved"

There's something that bothers me about the opposing arguments to questions like this. People will say *Oh I'm friends with my ex* or *human relationships are more complex than that and many factors are involved*. What about when you were truly in love with your ex? As human beings, we make and break so many human interactions and relationships, there's no way that all of them would be significant to us. But anyone whom we considered once upon a time to be our everything, loving someone else is painful. I think people would find it difficult to just be friends with someone they considered to be the love of their life. Casual dating or dating with no foresight for the future can easily produce friendships from the tattered remains of a failed relationship, but can any of us actually replicate that from meaningful break ups? If you're in love with someone, and things didn't work out, why would you want to be just friends when you fought so hard for more? Can you handle the fact that you didn't pan out with the person you love but they'll eventually find someone who's more compatible or better? Can you handle knowing that your ex love will be intimate emotionally and physically with others while you are still there? You failed, you both failed, you couldn't or just wouldn't keep the relationship alive, and their presence would always be a reminder of what could've been that never will be.

It completely depends on the people, the situation and the relationship. It's silly to try and apply answers to everyone. Ex's can definitely be friends if they both move on from the romantic elements in healthy ways.

perfect timing. completely relevant to my life right now.

This video could have been way darker. It is not just because people want to be nice. Some want to keep control and still know everything about the ex because it makes them feel powerful. Also they enjoy stirring up feelings so the other has a hard time finding new love. There is a whole range of dark emotions missing here.

There's a difference between being "friends" and being "friendly".

Something not mentioned in this video. Is if YOU are the new person who comes along. I dated a girl who (I didn't know at first) had a history of breaking up and getting back with her ex. They'd done this several times over years! She assured me that they were done for good and she needed to move on. Apparently she dumped him and they'd been broken up for a few months when I turned up. Things went well between us. I grew attached to her. We had similar interests, she was independent enough not to need constant texting. I actually imagined it turning into a proper relationship in time. And 3 months later, when she went on holiday without me (as it had been booked before we met) I was not concerned. Upon her return, she casually mentioned that she had been contacted by him whilst she was away. But it was nothing and I didn't need to worry. Apparently he hadn't been well. But within hours, she was having a phone conversation with him, stood in her hallway whilst I was sat on her sofa! I always suspected he was upset that she had moved on, and he was clearly playing on her past feelings for him. She mentioned him a few more times in conversations (including saying she was possibly going to meet him 1 day) And whilst I didn't react to it. It was beginning to bug me. But her actions over those few days hinted that she was going to dump me and go back to him. And so it came to pass. I got a text one evening (not even a phonecall!) saying that we were too different and yadda yadda yadda. She ignored my 1 and only phonecall attempt. I gave her 2 days grace then deleted her from every social media we shared. I think I saw her in passing 18months or so after that, but she didn't see me and I didn't try to initiate anything. Why bother? What would be the point? If her ex had stayed out of the picture or she hadn't responded to his messages who knows what might have been. But I've made it a hard and fast rule now in my dating life. If a lady tells me she is still in contact with her ex. I bail out as soon as possible. I am not in contact with a single woman I've slept with after we decided not to see each other again. How else can you move on if you keep picking at the wound hoping it will heal...

I was cleaning my book shelves and I found a pic of my ex from 2 years ago,that I have forgotten about.It's crazy to think this "stranger"used to be the most important person in my life.Now she is just another face in the crowd

I don't think you can be friends with your ex until you're both in a new relationship. Only then do your associations of intimacy and connection move to another person. Once there, to test whether you can be friends with your ex, you both must answer these questions: Do you only desire to see them one-on-one? Would your new partner or their new partner being there make it ... odd? If so, the level of intimacy you desire goes beyond friendship. You want to share something with them that your new intimate partner would be excluded from. To me, that is an emotional betrayal of your new partner, and it implies you harbour private intimate feelings.

I tried the "friends with your ex" thing. It gave me a lot of heartache, and him owing me $120.

I burst into tears in the final scene when the little one was set free. Even though I was the executioner, I truly loved my ex-boyfriend more than any man I ever did. I miss him from time to time, even though I know he’s not the right person for me, and we don’t want the same thing in life. Humans are complicated - I am still attached in some ways.

As the dumper, I agree with all of our motivations for friendship. There were three reasons I had to end my post-breakup friendship- (1) I felt like I had to go through micro-breakups with them after becoming friends where I would have to remind them of our status; (2) I realized I was there for the wrong reasons, which was to see if I was doing better than he was after the breakup (I feel awful about this one); (3) he still had feelings years later. I realized a friendship with feelings is not a friendship, it’s just an unrequited love.

I feel like this doesn't leave room for the idea of returning to friends after some time to grow themselves away from each other. Ive managed to be friends with one of my exes but we didn't talk for 2 years after the relationship ended. We found each other again through a mutual friend and it doesn't feel like I'm with an ex, but a friend.

This video is just amazing. Hope I can create something like this one day

Betrayed and dumped 4 years ago. "I hope we will always be friends"? No contact was the only option. No contact.

There's a quite peculiar scenario (in which I'm in): When you two were close friends for a long time, start dating and then split up. I never remained actual friend of any of my exes, but, in that particular case, things got a lot more complicated, because I miss the old friendship a lot.

Sucks though if before you were lovers, you were friends, and you just wanna go back to being friends...

Don't have sex with you ex - It will make your life complex...

When she cut herself loose in the end I started crying.

This is an overly simplified view of relationships. Having a romantic partner is not only having someone to have sex with, it's about mutual respect and companionship. Yes, breaking up is hard, especially after long years of shared journey, however you can't simply cut off someone who played such an important role in your life. If you truly cared about that person and managed to end the ROMANTIC relationship on good terms, you will continue to be caring even after breaking up with them. It may be slightly difficult to adjust to the newly formed dynamics at first, but with time you will learn to overcome it and continue to cherish other things you have in common.

Just a memory..honestly the best brutally honest advice I needed to hear

It's awkward to be friends with an ex lover -an unwitting torturer. Civil distance is a likely alternative, but still equally hurtful.

This video teaches us that it hurts more holding on than letting go

Don’t ever settle for less than what you desire emotionally, physically, and mentally. Don’t reward someone friendship if they dumped you and broke your heart. Keep your dignity, and give them the gift of missing you. ❤️

This video makes the assumption that every breakup is the same: with one side forever wanting the other back and the other offering a friendship consolation. This is not always the case, some people can be more mature, confident with themselves and happy for whatever the future brings for both parties without giving in to jealousy. In this way, a healthy friendship is possible.

This only works when both parties mutually broke up. Both dumped each other.

I've been friends with my ex for years now. And he's getting married this December. Trust me when I say this, as his friend I'm genuinely happy that he's happy and found someone to love. And I'm pretty sure he is also cheering me on as I am cheering for him. So I guess it depends on each person and their situation

I believe that friendship between exes depends a lot on how the relationship ended. My best friend is my ex, we were married for 5 years until we realized we weren't meant to be a couple anymore. We always were very open and honest with each other, and that ended up being the key to end the relationship before we let things get sour with petty disputes and unnecessary fights over little things. Yes, it was a little messy in the beginning, but we BOTH wanted to keep the friendship the we valued so much so we respected each other's boundaries e gave each other time to process their feelings. It's been 6 years since we broke up, I'm now married and he is also in a relationship. We are best friends to this day and we consider each other family. We love each other deeply, just not in a romantic way. But there are exes that I'm not friends with, and I don't want to be. Each relationship is different and friendship after breakup is not always a good (or desired) option

I'd say there are exceptions to this. For example 2 people who were always meant to be platonic friends but ended up dating & the relationship didn't work as they weren't ever meant to be that for eachother. In this case, I think it would be sad for them to lose a genuine friendship just because they got a bit confused as to what they were meant to be to eachother. The other exception could be if you were dating but realised mutually that it wasn't working romantically but you really like the person & enjoy their company. I agree that rescuing for the sake of it may not always be in both parties best interests however.

Answer: depends on the people and the relationship

This video hit me like a tonne of bricks. I wanted to hear something very different, but ended up hearing what I needed to hear... thanks guys. Animation was absolutely perfect (1month later: This video was THE turning point in my mind that allowed me to loose the anchor and really clear the mind and move forward. Again, thanks so much).

The other issue briefly touched on in the video, but largely ignored in the commits is the problems this creates for future relationships. For my money anyone keeping an Ex around as a friend is a big Red Flag. Not sure how emotionally invested you want to get with someone who is spending time with a former lover.

Staying friends with an ex is like keeping the dog after it died.

I broke up with my ex three years ago. Sadly, it was rather messy. I loved her very deeply and it took me a long time to truly grow indifferent to her. You know what would've made it take longer? Being her friend. I haven't spoken to her since shortly after we broke up. My only regret was not having a final good-bye and thanking her for the relationship we once had. Moral of the story; not being friends and cutting contact was the best thing I could have possibly done.

this is fucking creepy. i just had to make this decision yesterday! stop making videos about my life!!!

Everybody who just watched this and is still tryna defend ex partners being friends is a bad person as far as i'm concerned.

Hmm...a reason why I would never be friends with an ex. Well, my ex's remind me of a time in my life where I was a person I don't want to be. They remind me of how I never stood up for myself, how I agreed to do things I didn't really want to do out of fear that they'd lose interest in me, they remind me of being extremely emotional (crying all the time, etc), how I never walked away, not look back and know my worth. That's basically the lense I see them through. The only way I'd consider being friends with an ex is if we were really close friends before.

Why am I watching this? I've never had a girlfriend forget about having an ex...

This video is so accurate. I’m the one who ended the relationship and after seeing this video i felt like such a terrible person. I called my ex and just apologized and cried on the phone. It relieved me a little bit that she told me that’s she’s going to be okay. It might sound really weird but the animation where the balloon monster got her face beaten up from being dragged. That’s where it got me the most.

Being friends with your ex is an emotional baggage. A thought that you still hold your past maintaining that so called friendship with that person. Leave the past as past.

"The relationship in its best and most enduring light will always live on where it can safely do so. Memory." Damm thought about my ex after that and almost cried. Fuck me

I'll never speak ill or sling mud at my exes, but an ex is an ex for a reason.

Exes cannot be friends, there's always one person has more feelings invested than the other.

This is particularly interesting. I find that when people get together in relationships that both aren't very compatible, there's no real 'reason' for them to want to be involved after the relationship has ended (assuming they don't have kids). My thoughts on this are that some situations in life and some people may find that they benefit more from being casual due to where they are in their life or working on personal issues without wanting to offload onto the other partner during the process. I'd take the word 'love' out of the equation because it all comes down to connectivity and friendship. You can't have a relationship without it!

My head just repeats this when ever they try to touch me. I Dont want to be touched by hands that arent mine to hold.

I miss her so much. Admittedly, it was a relatively short period of love but it was an INTENSE love that shook me to my core and made me build a future in my brain that EVEN NOW is nice to think of. But now, after being relagated to a lower place in her life (without my knowledge) I cant even imagine being her buddy. I want the freeing feeling of her sleeping next to me and the kisses in the morning; but she wants a platonic partnership that is far removed from that. Before seeing this video, I felt a real immaturity and cowardice about the fact that i cant and won't offer that to her. But now i understand that in order to respect her, and more importantly MYSELF I cant subject myself to that pain of pretending things are okay. The most immature part of me wants her to see what she lost and come back, but to put my chips on that possibility won't serve any purpose but even more hurt. Im really tryin y'all. If you've felt this way, you are not alone and in time things will be right again, but we have to weather the storm. I love all of you 💜

I dont understand how I could go from letting someone sit on my face to not talking to them at all. Of course You can be friends with an ex. Relationships to me are not long interviews to see if we want to try and stay together until one of us dies. They are about making meaningful connections with cool humans and sharing memories I'll look back on when I'm old. One day life will be all about sitting in an armchair and remembering all the girls who once sat on my face. I want to remember those ladies fondly.

Almost had tears in my eyes at the end when he said, the only place safe is memory….life sucks sometimes but mostly is good

THIS ANIMATION MADE ME CRY OK

I remember my first heartbreak, he told me he no longer had any romantic feelings for me but still wanted to be friends. Hearing that hurt me more than it would've if he just told me he was no longer in love. It hurt me more knowing he still wanted to enjoy the presence of me meanwhile having to not accommodate me in any way. I saw it as incredibly selfish.

You didn't seek friendship from this person from the beginning.

The animation, the voice over, the entire concept behind this video… really well done. I’m in a committed relationship but videos like this still randomly sneak into my algorithm and remind me of the possibility in this world that one day I may return to being single and to remind myself of who I would become in such a situation. Very grateful to be alive and to take control of my life in every small step that I can manage.

I have quite a few exes I consider friends. E.G.: doom.exe, vlc.exe, chrome.exe, etc.

I disagree. While this video has good points, it doesnt factor in the complexity of relationships. Were the partners friends prior the relationship? How mature are they? Do they have children together? How did the breakup happen and why? Some may break up because of financial issues, health problems or else. Maybe one person falls out of love, yet both deeply cherish one another. Maybe one partner suffers from a mental illness and doesn't want to drag the other person down with them. Maybe there's an addiction problem. Maybe the partners are still students and their paths separate because they enter colleges miles apart, both unable to sustain a long distance relationship. Like, there are endless possibilities! I know so many people who lead happy lives and have a good relationship with their ex. This isn't some "Trying to be Friends for the sake of being Good" thing. There are people out there who just care about one another but realize that a romantic relationship isnt their cup of tea or too difficult to maintain

This seems like it was written by someone who was dumped and then strung along by a narcissist.

The answer is no, plain and simple. Doesn’t matter the circumstances, terms, closure or lack thereof, an ex is a past mistake for a reason. Especially when you are in a committed relationship with someone else after them. If your current partner is friends with their ex, that is a huge red flag

My girlfriend just broke up with me and wants us to stay friends. What a great timing for this video.

So many broken souls in the comment section 💔I feel y’all

My ex broke up with me and went marrying someone else this year. Yet she still wants to be friends and keep in touch with me. I had no choice but to cut ties because is not fair for her husband.

what this video didn't mention and I think is important to note: This describes immediately moving from being lovers to "friendship", which is not healthy as this video perfectly illustrates. BUT it's because the process of moving on and healthy distance are not obtained and the pain had no time to heal. If you've given each other the time and space after a relationship to both move on, when your paths cross again you CAN grow to actually be friends. However, this cannot be planned. Because the crucial part is not a certain amount of time you spent apart but about the 'moving on'. If you are not truly over your ex, trying to stay friends will only harm you. So make sure the chapter's been fully closed and you made peace with it, before you let an ex lover step any foot back in your life.

I like these videos but I don't always agree with them - and I'm pretty opposed to this way of looking at things. "Friendship isn't in any real sense faithful to love" is a particularly egregious sentiment, and I think it unfairly draws a line between 'just' friends and 'more than' friends - human relationships are a spectrum, a continuum, with room for movement, and changing boundaries. The whole idea of friendship as a 'demotion' is unhealthy, in my view: friendship *is* the basic unit of human companionship, someone you know and trust and are comfortable with, someone whose presence you seek as an equal. Romance and life partnership can certainly grow out of that foundation, but that's only one direction it can go. The addition of sex doesn't ascend friendship to a higher plane - it simply adds another dimension, and if you take that away, you still have friendship. A relationship involves both parties getting closer and closer, and the end of a relationship is a stop to forward momentum - they've gotten so close that they now realize why they cannot responsibly continue to get closer, and must stop, and maybe back away a bit - but that doesn't mean they must now force themselves apart. All relationships are a continuous process of negotiating that distance - what has worked in the past, what works in the moment, what may work in the future. The end of a romantic relationship, a breakup, is simply a renegotiation of closeness. The perils you're describing are certainly a possibility - or possibly a certainty, for some people. But it doesn't have to be this way. And, to a degree, because the situation you're describing ends up with people getting hurt, I'd argue that it *shouldn't* be this way. The glaring problem here is that you're describing the friendship with the ex as being built on the remnants of something greater - that you try to cobble together a friendship out of the ruins of a romance. But that's absolutely the wrong approach. You should secure a friendship *first*, and make sure that friendship is always at the foundation of your romantic pursuits - then, even if the romance is ruined, there's nothing new to build, you simply fall back to the friendship you've always had. Friendships shrink and grow, they grow apart, they change and morph over time - and if you treat your romances as merely another permutation of the connection friendship provides, you remove a lot of the risk associated with 'losing' someone over a breakup - you ensure that those connections you grow are maintainable and stable, and protect yourself (and your partner) from the anguish of loss.

It really depends on how the relationship began and ended I recently ended my relationship with my girlfriend. We simply went different ways. And we had other goals. It wasn't a bad breakup, it was a respectful one and we understood each other. We were very close friends for 6 months before we got together. And I feel like we are back to that relationship now.

I've never been in a relationship (I'm 26, BTW), but ever since I was a kid I've been horrified by the observation that lovers and romantic partners have a strong tendency to grow hostile to one another. I want to be with someone, but I'm terrified that this would just end up happening to us as well. :(

It’s possible if the ex is not toxic. It depends on what caused the break up. If the relationship ended on good terms, there will be no problem. And you might even find that platonic friendship is much more satisfying, than the constraints of a romantic relationship.

I think this is the first time I disagree with a message from the School of Life. It's been almost 3 years I've been friends with my ex. We spent 2 great years together until he broke up with me. I suffered a lot. I mean, a lot. It was my first break-up. He suffered too, of course, but each person deals with suffering their own way. We always - always - cherished the company of one another. He just noticed first that we were great together, but not as lovers. I had to take my time to understand it - and, yes, while I was trying to understand it, the best was to stay away from him a while. But then we began talking and seeing each other again as friends. I say I would never ever give up on this friendship. He is one of my best friends. I've shared secrets with him, I've shared my bed with him and I planned to build a future with him. It's all memory now, yes, and it's safely guarded in the memory box. But it doens't mean we can't be friends. There is no suffering anymore. I am in a new relationship now and I am so very happy. When I look at my ex, I see a man whom a deeply love, a person whom I care about and I wish all the good in the world. There isn't a toxic realtionship, just a will to be around a person whom I deeply admire.

My ex and I started off as friends, now we’re back to being friends again. It just felt more right being friends. We’re both in really good relationships now and we’re still close friends.

It's a good thing for me not watching this while at office or a day out with friends... Burst into tears while watching this. Been there. Done that. I was the little creature on a leash. Sometimes, "being friends" is just a manipulative term you tell yourself.

Trying to be friends with my ex just gave me extreme anxiety and bad energy. I didn’t want to be with him in the least but I felt a huge relief when I finally stopped talking to him!

They should not be friends, but they can be mature and respect each other. When you want to stay friends with your ex, there is always one person that can’t handle to be friends

It depends on the situation. My ex and I were friends for more than 10 years before our relationship. It lasted 9 years, it ended because we simply weren’t right for each other, we simply drifted apart. Ending it was painful, and it took time to work through, but there was never any conflict or ill-will between us. We still love each other, but are not “in love”, and truly want each other to be happy.

I am not friends with my exs. Never will be. It's just torture

I think it depends on the couple and how they broke up. I can totally see being friends as a bad thing for many but there definitely has to be those out there who continue having close bonds without it setting them up for heart break.