"If your view of God's goodness is dependent on what He gives other people versus what He gives you. And your view of His goodness is dependent period on the gifts that He gives instead of who He is, you will be miserable for the rest of your life." 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 preach Emily!! Really loved and needed this!!❤
1. Lie: Because you aren't dating (especially a specific person you're interested in), there's something wrong with you. Focus: list what is good and beautiful about yourself (the way that God created you) 2. Lie: I am invisible (especially to a man that you're interested/crushing on) Focus: why does a certain guy cause you to feel invisible, then combat that thinking by focusing on how you're loved by God as well as individuals in your life 3. Lie: if I change a certain attribute about myself, then I will be liked Focus: invest in being best, healthiest, and radiant self (e.g. physical, mental, emotional, etc.) and grow into who God created you to be 4. Lie: your friends that are dating/engaged/married are better than you Focus: understanding that they are at a different (not better) season in their lives so you don't eventually resent them 5. Lie: God loves women who are in relationships more than he loves you, who is single Focus: who God is better than what He bestows upon people; His goodness is not dependent upon what He does versus who He is
So good! Another lie I caught myself believing as a single (which is kind of related to the last two) is that my friends who were in relationships had earned it somehow. I felt that I must not be godly enough or mature enough to handle it and that was why God hadn’t given me a relationship. I had to realize that marriage is not a reward for good behavior, but that God has different plans for everyone’s lives. I’m currently dating an amazing man who is 5 years younger than me. I don’t know what God’s plan is in my life, but I do know that He works out everything for my good.
wow this is the thought process I've been having. I feel like so often people's advice to singles is just "work on yourself." And I think that often ends up leading to this kind of thinking that "I will get a relationship when I've become godly/mature/stable PERFECT enough." Yes we need to be striving to be better, but marriage isn't a reward for the perfect, for that is one thing we will never be! I'm so thankful you left this comment for me to see!
Thank you for this! I'm in my 30's and I've been in a new phase of life the past ten years, I just realized recently. Until I was about 21, every guy I ever liked never liked me back. Then they started "seeing me" and saying they wanted to date me. Now I'm in a new phase where I realize I'm pretty but no one wants to commit to me or marry me, and it makes me very sad. I asked my friend recently, "Am I unmarriable?!?!" I have to stop listening to the lies and realize, if these guys don't want to commit to me, that's a reflection on them and not me.
Ah, yes. A man's opinion of you (good or bad) does not alter in any way the truth of who you are...a totally unique, strong, capable woman made in the image and likeness of God.
Thanks so much Emily! As a 29 year old who has never had a boyfriend I've asked what's wrong with me and has also felt invisible. This video was just what I needed 😊💜
Yessssss Edit: I’d also like to add something that I just realized while watching this video. Just because someone is in a relationship, doesn’t mean they are more loved than you. This doesn’t apply to all cases of course, but I know women who are in relationships where the guy really doesn’t respect her/her boundaries, and so that really doesn’t reflect love. In reality, some guy who knows you might truly admire you, and other people might as well in your life. But that guy might be too afraid to ask you out perhaps. Just because someone is in a relationship, doesn’t mean that they are more loved or appreciated. Every beautiful thing will happen in its time :)
Absolutely, Emily. I didn't marry (for the first time) till the year I turned the big 50, so I had plenty of time to tell myself all these lies along the way. The one I had to work hardest to combat was the comparison thing. Because I really WANTED to be HAPPY for my friends, to enjoy their joyful times, not be resentful or jealous. But I really had to give myself a good talking-to on occasion.
Most of the time I find it hard listening to married Christians talking about singleness, but I really value your insight Emily. I feel the same way! And have talked about it on my channel also 🙌🏼☺️ We are twins haha 💕
As I shared about in a video long ago, and to a woman who was annoyed that I gave a keynote talk on singlehood, the good thing that makes me allowed to talk about singlehood is that I wasn't born married :)
Amen to all of this!! Thanks soooo much for this video, Emily! I’m 23 and I wish I would have heard all of this in high school but it’s equally as helpful to hear this now as well! God bless you❤️❤️❤️
I asked myself that question so many times, what is wrong with me? I have to remember the good qualities about myself and work on my songwriting and comedy and work on building my confidence about my self worth. I have often asked myself what is wrong with me because I tend to attract guys I'm not attracted to. Thanks for doing this vlog, Emily. Your words are like therapy for me.
Thank you for addressing that these feelings are indeed valid and should be taken seriously- that they ought to be acknowledged, but we shouldn’t live in that space of negative self-regard.
As someone that will be married in two weeks, I needed to hear all of this too. Thank you, Emily! Praying for a safe and healthy delivery for you and baby # 2!
Thanks for the fantastic video! I felt the "what is wrong with me" when guys "didn't notice me" and I also felt it in a different circumstance: When guys who DID notice me treated me badly. For example, when a guy acted all nice and interested and he and I started dating and then he turned around and really meanly criticized me and put me down. I not only wondered what was wrong with me that was causing him to criticize me but even MORESO I wondered, "What is wrong with me that I LET myself get into a relationship with this guy who is now seeming like someone who does not notice my worth?" I wondered what is WRONG with me, am I stupid am I naive am I way too inexperienced or immature am I blind what is WRONG with me that I would CHOOSE the WRONG guy who now treats me so horribly? Or if a guy did not respect my boundaries, for example if he asked me on a date and I said no and he just kept asking and asking and basically stalking me, I wondered what is WRONG with me - Am I not adequately communicating to this guy that I am not interested? Am I not a strong, assertive woman who is clear about her boundaries and what she wants and doesn't want? I realized that all of that is just another way that I let the actions of guys influence how I think about myself. Of course it is important to use discernment in dating and there are some situations that we can learn from but there is nothing wrong with me if a guy who I thought was trustworthy and who I chose to trust CHOOSES to turn around and treat me in bad ways that I do not deserve and that no lady deserves. Exercising clear communication skills is great but there is nothing WRONG with me if I tell a guy "Thank you but I am not interested" and he continues to pursue me inappropriately. It is very interesting to consider the different ways in which we can wonder if there is something "wrong" with US based on the actions of OTHER people, whether those actions involve those people ignoring us or giving us hurtful kinds of attention. Can you address that in a Crazy Chiquita Video? Thanks for everything!
I just found your channel and I’m in love with it! I finally told my date that I’m a virgin and I’m waiting for marriage. Phew, Idon’t think I would had the courage if I hadn’t watched your video on it. Can’t thank u enough!
As someone who has been single for her whole life and has believed those lies before, it was so refreshing to hear someone speak the truth about how awesome it is to be single from a faith based perspective. Keep up the good work Emily !!!
I definitely needed to hear this. Recently got out of a long distance relationship for various reasons, and I am finally starting to heal and realize my own worth as a single woman. Love your videos!
Yass! Amen and hallelujah! I’m a 31 year old single gal who has believed every single one of these lies and, unfortunately, allowed them to impact a part of my life. This is so encouraging to hear that I do not have stay in my mess. Thank you so much for sharing! Please know that I have RECEIVED this message. ❤️
Huey Mann girl me too i compare literally everything its so hard i think its the thing I struggle most with. But whenever im unhappy i ask myself why im unhappy and its always bc i dont have xyz or xyz didnt work out. Im so caught up in worldy things and if I really trusted God, got all my joy from him, and truly lived for him alone, i wouldnt be upset.
Number 4 and 5....wow. Those lies are so hard to combat. Thank you Emily for making this video. My friends are all getting married right now, so I needed to hear this video for sure. Thank you for your beautiful witness!
Emily!!! I needed this for my first semester at a Christian college where "freshman mating season" is such a thing. Thank you for this encouragement, I had literally been thinking before this video, "maybe if i just change this...." but that's not the goal!!!! Fullness of life, yes!
Thanks Emily for sharing your stories. Much helpful in building a new life. People I've met never stop complaining about who I am, telling me to change this and that. I've been trying to travel believing God has done everything perfect... and you're a great great help. Much respect...
I always enjoy watching your videos about relationships because they’re always so insightful and usually what I need to hear! Also as someone who experienced past trauma it’s helpful to hear healthy relationship and dating advice. It’s so important to me that I’m in a healthy relationship and don’t carry my trauma into it.
Just the fact that growing up I felt very different from everyone else because I know I still am even to this day, but I like to view it as a positive thing
This is so so so so so so sooooo good!!! Exactly what I've come to terms and realizations to! I have also stopped wanting to recycle men and run back to see if there is anything to rehash. I have learned that strictly meeting new men and moving forward rather than backwards is crucial to personal progress!!
Hello Emily! this is exactly what I needed!!!! like the timing is out of this world! I love watching your videos and your bubbly self. Such a blessing :) lots of love
Read my books!!!! My books go WAY in depth into these subjects, far more than a video ever could!! Book 1: I choose the sky shop.lifeteen.com/products/i-choose-the-sky Book 2: Go Bravely www.amazon.com/Go-Bravely-Becoming-Woman-Created-ebook/dp/B077BPMN55
Oh, and my new book coming out is on 52 topics, none of which are related to dating in any way - you can find that one here: www.amazon.com/Awaken-My-Heart-Abundantly-Devotional/dp/1646800214/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1598586417&sr=1-4
EMILY!!! Thank you so much for all of these videos, I can’t tell you how thankful I am for all of these videos! You are a true blessing in this world and I am praying for you and your beautiful family!!💛💛💛
WOW AMEN YASSSSSSS like 🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏🙏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🎊 pretty much all of these things are exactly things that I used to and still do struggle with at times. This video feels like it's literally me. Thank you for making this Emily! 100% true
Hi Emily!! Thank you so much for speaking freedom into so many of our lives. I know I'll always hear the Lord's wisdom in your videos:) Would you be willing to make a video about guy friends turning into a relationship/right person wrong time/if God will have people meet again? I recently had to let one of my best friends go because one of us wanted more while the other didn't. We both adore one another but it never seemed to be God's timing for us. I'm really interested in your perspective in this. Thanks!!
