There's much about what a stepmom should or shouldn't do. We're supposed to prioritize everybody else's situation and have endless empathy for everyone else. How about a video for HUSBANDS on how THEY can have and/or show more empathy towards OUR situation? I mean really, how many times have any of us seen content like that?
Seriously! This is what my husband and I are fighting about. He expects too much of me and offers little support. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed. I need help and I can feel myself becoming a person I don’t recognize or like. 😢
@@jenniferjones772277 I’m right there with you. I’m a stepmom to 4 girls who are now living with us I have two kids of my own. His Children are really hArd to deal with they come from a mom who didn’t teach them a damn thing!! I feel like there’s so much weight on my shoulders I feel like I can’t even be the mom I want to be to my own kids at times because I’m always stressed out behind his kids. This is so hard and no body considers my feelings!
what would make things so much better is if your partner validates and acknowledges how tough the role is and supports you...without that it almost feels impossible
Love your video's and don't want to sound critical, but.... I've been in EVERY position (Mom dealing with ex's wife, Step-Mom, & Step-child). I've been a step-mom twice and now for the third time. I agree with most of what you said, however; I don't agree with advocating for "husband keeping ex-wife happy" as part of his role. This can be like playing with fire, enable's father to ignore/enable kids bad behavior, and shows the kids that their mother still comes first for their dad, and THAT is fuel for disrespectful step-kids. I've found myself over-snapping at my own kids fueled by frustration with my step-kids whom I have no support in having authority of. I've also found myself being over-protective of my own kids due to the same thing. The more segregated the kids think they are from their step-siblings and step-mom, they start parenting their father's and become very entitled. We have to show a united front as parents/step-parents or it's a recipe for division and resentment for ALL involved. If you say no about something and the step-kid knows their Dad will over-rule it to please them and/or their mother, it won't work out well.
Me and my bf daughters are very close. They told me that “ when you get married with my dad you going to be my step mom “ and they got excited. And it warmed my heart. The older one is 8 and the younger one is 4 . When the older one goes to school she tells everybody that I’m almost her step mom . ♥️and I’ve been knowing them 6 months and now we got an apartment together . I love them like their my own daughters and I do so much for them and I help my bf a lot . I take them to school I prepare their breakfast lunch for school / work and dinner . He has full custody and they see their mom every other weekend. So I basically take a big role as a “step mom” and tbh it’s a lot of work I’m just 20 years old but I don’t regret anything and I love them so much but the problem is that I do what moms have to do like help them with homework and take them to school etc.. and it does take alot of energy and time from me . But their mom hates me Bc she thinks I’m replacing her but I already told her I love ur kids like their my own and I’m not replacing you . In my head I think to myself that she should appreciate the things I do for her kids Bc without me my my bf would be struggling. But she said herself that she’s jealous Bc I spend more time with her kids then their real mom .
I try so hard for my step-daughter. Her mother is crazy, angry & dysfunctional. I just wish there was more I could do. If I do too much, I'm hated, if I don't do enough I feel shitty and disengaged. I don't know what the happy medium is. What I currently do now, is try to be the best voice of reason for her, don't ever speak ill about her mom, and keep my calm and try to help her regulate her emotions when her mom and dad are fighting. I feed her breakfast and dinner, help with homework...... I try spending time with her when my 3 year old is in bed. I just wish the mom would stop her jealous hatred and instead support. Its rough out here being a stepmom.
I just found you! Thank-you! I’ve been with my partner a year and his two girls have called me their step mum for about 6 months of that year. I’m doing great but still have lots of confusion and insecurities. So much reassurance in one video. Wow. Thank-you again.
@@jamiescrimgeour I take my step son to his football game and shcool and pick him and his sister their are my girlfriend"s kids with her ex wife she work late sometime her ex lost her right as mum her son say I am like his another mum i move in with their mum and them 2 mouths ago Tips how get along with my step daughter she 13 year old ?? her son is 11 .
Thanks so much for this. Definitely needed this today. I’m going to try asking myself if little moments matter and get back to “doing me” so that I don’t go crazy. So true that we somehow think all of a sudden we need to be there every time the kids are there. We don’t!
Dont know if anyone cares but if you're stoned like me atm then you can watch all of the latest movies and series on instaflixxer. Have been streaming with my brother for the last couple of weeks =)
I cannot get ENOUGH assistance. Thank you Jamie! Bringing my 8 year old and myself into this marriage with two young teenagers of my fiancé’s and I am so nervous. Their mom is without love and that is ALL I have to give these new kids. I ‘foster’ love- different than their mom and his 13 year old already lets herself cry in my arms- I just hold her and cry with her. My fiancé tells me it’s because she has never had a mom who gives love like I do. I do need to make sure I don’t demean their mom because I don’t know her! It’s not my place to judge her. I just will keep being ME
Exactly what I needed to hear as this quarantine starts. I am so stoked you are going to release one video a week. You really get it, and are so levelheaded when explaining the chaos. Thank you!
I don't understand why I have to make my marriage a priority when the kids come first in his life, I am not a priority. I believe we both need to put the marriage first.
In my situation, CPS was involved and bio mom lost all custody.. so I stepped up as the step mom and basically became just the mom. I didn’t force them to call me that they just did. My bonus children are were 2 and 5 when I came in their lives. I deal with the usual blended family drama but to add to it, both my bonus children came from trauma so their behaviors are like nothing I’ve experienced before. I have them in therapy but it’s still so hard 😭 As a step mom, discipline doesn’t come easy & my my husband works a lot to support us so I’m basically all on my own trying to fix the pieces bio mom shattered..
Thank you so much for this video! I am not currently a stepmom, but I am an aspiring one. I look up to my stepmom. I was a child of divorce so I have some perspective of being a kid from another marriage. I also have a mixed family dynamic. My choice of career will keep me very busy for the next decade. So I am thinking that my likeliness of being a stepmom will increase.
Congratulations! You’re my spirit animal now. Husband 12 years older, I’m Wife 2, step mom aka “mom 2” of 2 kids. Moved into firsts house, 50/50 custody. Totally underestimated the culture change. Elated I found my person but so much harder than I thought it would be.
This video is very helpful. I am a stepmom and i'm way too stressed about all that is going on. Especially me not enjoying my marriage because of my step kids mom. I'm good with my step kids and they love me until their biological mom started telling them stuffs that's getting into their head. My friends think I'm a fool because I am tolerating all of the shit going on. I am relieved after watching your video. Thank you so much. I wish I could get in touch with you to know more. Bless you.
I'm so glad I've subcribed to your channel, I'll do my best and follow your advice. Been married for 2 years but I've been part of my stepchildrens lives 3 years now. It's not easy but I'm learning. Thanks Jamie
Omg! I had to subscribe… there are so many stressers being a step mom and I honestly have to say… this is terrible but I cannot stand the ex. She did not want to see the kids on a regular schedule until I came into the picture and it’s been sooo hard! Ugh 😣 now it’s a constant battle
Perfect advice - all of it. We always need to be growing and learning to be better. We don't have to go through the struggle alone no matter what it is - Thanks for this video! It's true - I focus on my husband and he in turn supports me when I'm struggling with his ex and kids - he takes it all on - I just need to back off. All our fights are over his youngest - how to do deal with him - most emotional human being I've ever met ( his youngest) but dealing with his Mom triggers everything I thought I wasn't .
Omg I asked about this on your last video and here is the answer! That was lucky, you have some amazing advice thank you! 💜 I love how you word this, it's positive but firm as it should be! I didn't realize I was holding on to this fairy tale of a first family and I needed to hear that I need to let that go.
Thank you so much for this video! Cleared so much of my thoughts. (Dealing with two boys along with my own daughter and the two other moms of his kids...)
Ok the "stopping what you're doing" is....wow. ugh lol I don't wanna tell my whole life story in this comment but I JUST communicated to my job to be off next weekend because we have his daughter. 😅 as soon as you said that I felt sooo guilty. I just feel because he doesn't get to see her all the time, that I NEED to be there helping him out and watching her too lol this whole thing is a new experience
I am step mom i have been for 3 years God willing in October will be 4 years. I can say so many things have improved thanks to God really i mean it thanks to only God. I struggled so much in the beginning with the in laws husband step child and step child's mom. But i would pray so much for everything to get better for God to allow me to love the child like if she was my own kid. And now she tells me almost every day she is happy that i am her step mom and that she sees me like a real mom. Yes here and there her mom brings drama but other than that everything has calmed down. Early 1st year and 2nd year was bad but had good moments and my husband and i would fight so much i felt like just packing my things and go and almost did a lot of times and thanks to God we are all growing strong. God helped me realize its his kid but she is my step kid and i just need to do what i can and still be there like a mother figure she is just a kid maybe one day she will see me like a mom and she already is as an 8 year old imagine when she is older ❤️🥺 If you and your husband really love each other and you really want a life together talk with your husband dont stop communicating even if he is tired of hearing you nag and complain don't give up and ask God to help depend on God.
Thank you for the tips as a new stepmom. I am actually starting my own channel now for mom and stepmom content. If you have any tips please let me know!
very good content. thank you again. i'm learning alot and its helping me have a better perspective. you are a God sent! i needed this soo much. i'm clueless with all that is going on. thank you again. i love my husband sooo much. i almost gave up though until i started changing my perspective. i'm also thankful for these videos because i feel like its normalizing everything i am dealing with.and feeling. thank God. i am normal. thank God this is all normal. i thought i could or may be going "crazy" but now i'm glad that i married him and i will keep moving forward and love him, his kids, and do the best i can to follow sound advice.
I am 20 years in.I’m still having issues with a 25 year old adult, whose married and expecting a child, she has blocked me from their phones. She doesn’t come to our house. She rarely talks to her father and when she does she lies. I don’t know how to help and I am frustrated.
I have been trying to understand that both my husband and stepson have struggles. I've been trying to be the perfect stepmom and wife by doing everything for both... 10 years later I exploded, it was getting heavy and I needed help. I mean now I have two of my own and two adult men in my house whom still "need" me to do everything for them because I let it get to this point. The worst is that if I need help around the house, I'm told that I have no say towards my stepson... I have no say but I'm still expected to do all this. I want to find a solution to this so we can stay together before thinking of leaving and just finding out we had a chance.
I really don't know how to be a step mom. I just know how to be a mom. I love ❤ my step kids.. sometimes I forget that they're not really mine... They complete me... I love ❤them so much..... I love them... I really don't know how to separate them from me, like I'm saying, you know when you show up at a birthday party and then you forgot that you're not there real Mom? It's awkward......😊 DRAMA .... One day at a time I say 😊
Yea we know what we are supposed to do. It would be most helpful to have generic or most likely scenarios to learn from. LIKE real life examples of any point you made here.
Don't deal. 🤷♀️ my partner and I have been together for about 15 months... I have spoken to the momster once. She acts so ugly, including manipulating and alienating our little girl. We never had problems until mom found out about us. She left him to marry another man, who she is still with after 7 yrs, so it's hard to believe her issue is she still loves him. She just wants us miserable like her. Don't give her any power or leverage. You don't owe her anything.
Not going to lie… this is way way waaaayyyy harder than I anticipated. My partner, well he’s my boss. I was his personal assistant while he got dragged through more than five years of court. With storms gathering again on the horizon. I knew what I was signing up for, and still. Next level adulting that I am not sure I am cut out for 😭
@@thatgirlherfam7823 omg thank you so much for replying to my comment. Nice to know my situation isn’t unique!! I always feel so scandalous when I say yeah… I’m that girl who screeched past all the red flags and wailing sirens and f***d her boss, and here we are neck deep in a very serious situation 😂😂 even harder because he is an extremely intelligent man with ASD and his ex is well… very manipulative. Would I do it again? Heck yes x
I'm a mother here trying to understand my daughter's stepmother. She is a good stepmother but she steps on my toes. Examples: cutting my child hair without my consent, planning to attend school conference without a heads up, excessive texting when my child is home with me, or informing me that she will plan my daughter's sweet and asking me if I wanted to be a part. Dear Step moms, how can address these concerns without hurting your feelings? Ps. Thanks for loving my child but it doesn't mean I'm handing over my parenting rights. Sincerely, Dariana
I agree with what Caramel Cupcake said here, but also some of these things u give examples of (cutting childs hair) should be up to the child and not the mom or step mom? and planning to attend school conferences without heads up shouldnt be a problem either because she also has a mother -role and needs/wants to be involved in the childs school/education/development BUT If u just ask her to let you know if/when she is coming for those things it shouldnt be hurtful... There are rules and boundries that u point out that should be set and the stepmom should definatley agree to them and to be blunt about it as a mother is not a problem, just also be flexible and see if you can both compromise (like if she thinks some of the boundries are a little bit wtf , like cutting the hair or whichever, then u can just discuss the boundries and come to terms)
@@msdinklepuff9356 dont be ridiculous. They already have a mum. Whatever you are you are not their mother. I can tell you that because I had a stepmother and she will never come close to my mum's shoes. Its better to find a different role for your self rather than completing with the mother. The child did not ask for another mother he/she already has one. You as the husbands wife your role is to support your husband with the kids not to replace thier mother. Mum/child bond is unique. Esp a good mum.
I guess the first one should be wanting to be one. I don't. I don't have the energy, the selflessness, the patience, the generosity... All my life I've been taking care of others and I feel I'm never a priority. So I guess I'm in a dead-end relationship with the most wonderful man I've ever met.
First I want to say I admire your motivation and willingness to help other. But let's be honest we can get almost the best advice and it may not work. I have been a step kid, I am a step mom, and I've seen my parent be step parent. At the end of the day it won't be easy when you have an ex that doesn't like you being their step mom. I've literally tried everything.... And when it comes to sitting and talking with my step daughter, I hear.. well my mom said! My husband does try and talk with both the ex and the kid, and the resentment is huge. My mom is a step mom and it took from the time my step brother was 11 until the time he moved out to get along. We can try and try, but at the end of the day it doesn't always workout. Just saying. I only say this because someone out there thinks it's their fault and it's not!
My bfs ex cheated on him and the kids know she did and caused a huge mess and they talk to me about it. They are angry and upset and they hate having to go to two places. The mother don't really show them love or try to help them get through this mess that she caused.
Coming from a step kid myself, please don’t try to force yourself into my life. When the kids want you there they will let you know, but if they are even leaving little hints that they don’t want you to do something for them or attend something DON’T! All it does is cause more issues and will make you look silly
Enedelia Gonzalez but still even though we are still children we still have feelings and personal boundaries and most of the time valid reasons not wanting step parents (mom or dads) to come to things
I am a stepmom but I was a mom mom before and a mom mom with my husband now who I became a stepmom with. Together, blended, we have 7 kids. His, mine, and ours. We've made it work for 10 yrs, but now it seems to be getting harder for me as his are getting older and ours are still little. Help!!!!!
Being a stepmom sucks. Everyone walks on u. The kid and his mother are priority. They get their way and yr pushed to the side. I feel like im walking on eggshells when my stepsons at the house.
I have this weird twist of them both... I dated a man with children for 9years while dealing with my ex husband finding his person which im happy about. Where it gets hairy is the way he deals with things we already had things set up visitation holiday so on so forthy once he got married again happy for him genuinely his wife wants to do family things but doesn't tell me and decides to derail my things for what he wants or what yhey are doing now other side the man I dated his kids mother hated me hated with a passion there was nothing I could do right. I wasn't allowed around the kids or there would be endless rounds of her calling and making threats the kids started to have loyalty issues and a hard time keeping it up because they actually liked me. It was hard to do hard to watch .I also understand from the kids point my parents divorced and it was ugly fighting yelling with holding the child the whole nine. So I looked at this from all angles. I think our issue is because I have only met her once haven't had a conversation with her don't know her at all I want to know her he doesn't want that I want to feel ok with us all being a different type of family we don't have to be the Waltons but let's at least be on the same level and wave length. I think he wants to just dump that part of his old life and that's ok to do but um I'm still going to be here so let's all be friends at the least I may be just asking for too much
For me, the step mom over rides everything I choose it's always like a competition with her, Everytime I try and do something special with my son the very next day she does the exact same thing she even asked me to sign my rights away 😂 she is trying to adopt him and etc and move me to the side it's so stupid really...
I am a Step-mom and he is my oldest to all my kids and me and his Father have 2 kids together and I have a son that is his step son. My Husband works everyday and I am always home with the kids everyday and my step sons mom isn’t in the picture at all and I am struggling so bad with my step son he is stubborn and don’t wanna listen to me and everything I say to him he has something to say about the situation. I have know idea where I stand to him and I have been in his life for 5 years.
Hey, trying to be a real overachiever. And a certain step portion of my family seems to be the “average “influence I strive to avoid . any comments? I would be considered the stepson by the way fyi
My step child is 2 and both parents her mom and dad doesn't understand that the child must learn boundaries when it becomes to the child's behavior like spitting on ppl swinging on her dad fighting him and talking smart when told no so my husband and I bump heads because I'm 20 years older than him I've raised my children and this is his first child I try to help but he just sits there i need help its so much no the ex girlfriend doesn't like me she hates me
