6 Reasons Why Narcissists are Mean To You 

Have you ever wondered why narcissists are mean? I know it must be difficult for most of us to understand why narcissists would act the way they do, but if you have encountered a narcissist or you might have known one, you probably understand how frustrating it can be. Before we get to that part, let's first take a moment to understand what narcissism is and why they exist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder and mental condition in which a person has an exaggerated feeling of their importance, a strong need for excessive attention and praise, and a lack of empathy for others. This personality disorder often causes issues in different aspects of life, whether in work, education, or relationships that affect people close to them. Why do narcissists exist? Narcissism exists because of the effects of trauma and early experiences. Narcissistic characteristics are sometimes inherited from childhood contexts, which are generally marked by idealized parenting and excessive pampering. Most narcissists are born with an oversensitive temperament, growing up with unrealistic expectations from parents. They are being excessively pampered or overindulged by family members or friends. While they may have reasons to exist, we can't deny that narcissists can be cruel, heartless, and malicious…and they want you to know that. They hate themselves so much that they lash out at their loved ones: the people closest to them. You can't give a narcissist enough love to make them trust you or to allow them to forgive your human flaws. A narcissist swiftly discards any worth you may have once you prove that you are a flawed human. Pretty mean, right? Click Here to Subscribe: ru-vid.com/show-UCNf93_WzIGLOV1C4PDGjrQg Video Time Line Introduction 00:00 6 Reasons Why Narcissists Are Mean. 01:54 Number 1 Narcissists Are Driven To Win In All Aspects Of Life 01:59 Number 2 Narcissists Need To Be Superior To Others 03:17 Number 3 Narcissists Can't Handle Criticism 04:21 Number 4 Narcissists Have A Hard Time Forgiving Themselves 05:29 Number 5 Narcissists Are Living In A Fantasy World 06:31 Number 6 Narcissists Lack Empathy 07:36 #spotthenarcissist #narcissism #narcissist

I don't care how wounded or mentally ill anybody is ... you NEVER have the right to harm others for your own benefit. It is despicable, no matter what, and nobody owes anyone the gift of victimhood. PERIOD.

All I know is that if you keep dealing with them they will drive you totally insane and not care and love it.

I walked away from my Toxic kin 6 years ago. I went _NO CONTACT,_ and never looked back. I recently moved across the country to put distance between us. (It took that long to save enough money to make the move!) This is the only way to free yourself from a Narc. You deserve better! Walk away _NOW!!!_ Before you say it's different when it's your family. _NO,_ it isn't! My Narc's _were my family!!!_ My mother, half-brother, step-family, ALL treated me like crap. I had to cut ties with _ALL_ of them! I'm glad I did! I have NO REGRETS, except one; _I should have done it 40 years sooner!!!_ Don't do what I did; waste the best years of your life on Toxic people. It's too late for me to have a family of my own. Too late to try. But I will spend what years I have remaining free of Toxic people! There is peace of mind knowing that! But it's not too late for you, if you act now. _Walk away, go NO CONTACT, free yourself and reclaim your life. Before it IS too late._ I hope these words gives someone the strength to break free. Remember, _you deserve better!_ Best Wishes.

The best way to deal with someone like this is silence... Let them spin themselves out of control.

Narcissism appears to stem from both extreme over parenting and under parenting. The 6 reasons that are stated in the video are 100% correct. However, I strongly believe the reason why narcissists are so evil is that the narcissist has an extremely weak sense of self / ego. Narcissist need to hurt those beneath them to boost their weak egos. One has to always remember that narcissists are: self-entitled, gaslight those they hate, pathological liars, highly manipulative, always right and never wrong, highly vindictive, live in a false reality, highly sensitive to criticism, hold onto their grudges for years, hurting and harming others boosts their low egos, will do whatever it takes to "WIN," high need to be admired, need for external validation (flying monkeys), believe that if you are not with them you are against them, deliberate / intentional crazy making, will do whatever it takes to hurt / take down those who have wronged them, associates with only those who have money or have high status, driven by inner shame, poor self-esteem / ego, those that stand up or question the narcissist are seen as a threat, and have a strong need to control those around them. There is so much hate (and so much mentally wrong) in the narcissist's mind that being around these people will just drive anyone literally insane. It's as though the narcissist is being influenced like a puppet by Satan himself..

They know they lacking in what it takes to be a success so when they spot that in some one else it offends them badly

1. Must win at any & every thing - they are emotionally deprived of THEMSELVES 2. Need to be superior to others - despite continually feeling inadequate they convince themselves they are genuinely superior & better than others. Strategy is to pretend to be better than you so they can deceive & manipulate others. 3. Can’t handle criticism - can’t maintain emotional calm regardless

The narcissist I know blows a fuse over absolutely nothing, he is always in a mood, he's sulky miserable nasty evil full of himself, he is the most unattractive person in every aspect possible, narcissists are very sick people.

They also get it from childhood abuse. And covert narcissist are the most abusive (because it isn’t as obvious, they catch you off guard and gaslight a lot) and most damaging imo.

Living with narcissist is like living in the Twilight Zone.

Hey whoever reading this , I've been through the narcissistic abuse , If you want to be free , there is only one way , Take the complete responsibility for how you interpreted the situation , Because it's the only way you can move forward , Your past has no power over your future , be clear what you what in life and move forward

Forget this idea that they are traumatised for what ever excuse they make up. They are sadists and enjoy the pain they inflict. Ever seen the blank eyes and blank face when they have destroyed you yet again! Giving them sympathy when they claim abuse is just another way of sucking you into their trap so they can abuse you more.

Hi, great video!! However, narcs are the result of CEN (childhood emotional neglect) so even if they seem to have had their needs met (maybe financially or whatever), they were neglected emotionally and began to use narcissistic traits as toddlers. Since their tactics work, they continue the behavior and are never corrected. They get by with more and more stuff and become one of the narc family's secrets such that their crazy behavior as they become older children is covered up by their narcissistic family (it's a generational phenomenon). As adults they then continue with a toddler's emotional mentality, which is why they act just like toddlers. Most deceitfully present themselves as "good" their entire lives which is why they're so good at manipulation and image control. They loathe themselves which is why they hate you.

...even more important than being RIGHT, is making others WRONG...!

If you stick around long enough they’ll make you feel how they feel thru projection. One day you look in the mirror and boom 🤯 where am I?

I just ended a 2 1/2 year friendship because of these issues. A previous girlfriend had called him a narcissist and he was offended. I didn't really know what it means, but this video explains it ALL!!

This was very helpful! Thanks!! I still don’t understand though... hahaha How someone can become that insane. But I feel like me trying so hard to understand it, is like bending over a dark bottomless well to see how far it goes... Only ends up with me falling down the rabbit hole and ending up in crazy land, and taking the risk to lose my mind too. Off with my head, right? Maybe there are some things that are better left at bay. Lest our curiosity gets us trapped. I guess all I really need to know is: 1. It was never my fault and I didn’t deserve it 2. It was never my job to help/save them, and I can’t anyway. It’s their choice. 3. It’s ok to break up with them. 4. I deserve to be free. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy. 5. There are other people out there who will genuinely love and respect me. I really enjoyed the video too. It shows that narcissists (or any personality) can look totally normal.

I won't live with one of them. Nor let them live with me. I don't care if they are family or not. They will drain all of your positive energy. It will be just a dread of gloom and darkness all around you in your house.

some narcissists are not raised with enough love either, that's why they get so toxic, they might have had both crazy and violent parents, who where just ad toxic ad they are.

I love the thumbnail, Amber Heard is now the face of female narcissist. Maybe it will help inform people who are lucky enough not have to deal with a narcissist on a day to day basis.

I wish, wish every human being not a narc could watch this video to recognize it and protect themselves. They hate see you succeed or rejoice. They pretend for others or you then devalue your purpose or sense of self. Their behavior is pure evil. Best thing: Look inside of you and tell your soul you are very valuable and highly esteemed and very worthy of love! ❤️

Mine says that "I can't take criticism " lol. Well... it's how he speaks to me when he does say something...like blame, he blames me then says I "can't take criticism "

My surgeon husband was so mean, many told me he doesn’t have a conscience…

The knowledge and understanding of this behaviour is right on point to my experience’s as well. I am very aware of the dangers they can, and do pose, they do not like to be called out on their behaviour. They travel, and go to great lengths to try to kill a person’s spirit, make anyone look bad anyway shape or form, they hate, if you’re happy. Evil, nothing good comes of knowing anyone like that. Except, the knowledge, of identifying to the dangers and staying safe.

You are describing my sisters boyfriend and my moms husband…. None of these people can be alone … so they stay in the abuse … sickness

Meanness is simply one of the best if not the best ways of expressing power, asserting dominance over others. Meanness is power!

My sister actually told me "I'm better than you". After taking everything that I hold dear to me.

they act like that because of a traumatic experience most likely from childhood, they enter in adefensive mode at the slightest trigger that reminds them of the past situation that they were abused, it's called a mirror effect, they see danger when their subconscious mind tells them "hey here comes mom or dad to yell at me "so they react with violence as a way to reject their emotions!

2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."

she said "from an early age",,,,,,,,, Bingo! this is true. because most of the narcissist I know were treated rotten at younger ages !!!!

They enjoy hurting others

It's FAR more about childhood trauma than childhood pampering. Abused children who create a new persona and learn to lie for self-preservation.

You described them exactually how they are and how they look at things.

@1:07 actually I found a lot of them felt alone, neglected, rejected, less than their siblings!

Yeah it hurt 🤕 and I know some and one was really evil thank you for this video and God bless you

It was more of a situationship than a relationship

It took seeing my abusive neighbor abuse others before turning on me and things getting very bad for me to find out about narcissism. I hope i never meet another one. She was the first narc i had every met. I had never ever seen behaviours like hers in my entire life! My point being is that your video speaks true. Thank you.

They have an extremely fragile ego! Totally insecure!

they are lovers of themselves..2 Timothy 3:17

I don't think. Narcissists have their needs met by their caregiver .Some might be over indulged with material things or there needs for wellbeing are neglected. This is why they lack empathy. They have not internalised empathy from their caregivers.

He was always hoping I would goof up, which I did a lot. He never once tried to smooth it over, laugh at it. He exasperated it. I thought he had my back…eventually learned he never did🥲

Love the pic of AH capturing the video. A perfect example of a true narcissist. Bravo!

Mine is hoovering again. Slowly tryna come back. Little do they know I know who and what they are now and I would never waste my time again .

AH - the Queen of mean ! Poster girl for Malignant Narcissism 💔

thank you. this really helped me move forward. after so many years trying to figure out what has been wrong with me and my relationships with my family. they no longer have such a strong hold over me anymore. i feel i can move along in my desire to improve myself.

It is always about them. Always.

A narcs contempt for people is rooted in jealousy. The best way to deal with them is ignore them. When you show reaction to them then you are doing exactly what they want you to. Arguing with them is exhausting and you cannot win even when you hit them with fact and logic. Once you identify this you can however have fun with them. From a workplace environment, find the one thing that triggers their jealousy and push their buttons but in a nonchalant manner and walk away. Do stick around for the fireworks. Treat them as if they don't matter to you because afterall the end goal for the is attention pisitive or negative.

Nothing here explains narcissist meaness. They enjoy their hurtful mean conduct. Run, don't walk, away. They never change.

You never really fall in love with the narcissist. You fall in love with yourself. Remember the narcissist doesn't really know themselves and what they offer back is what they gained from you. Good or bad. It's hard to walk away because of course you should love yourself. And as such you don't give up

It is great to listen to RU-vid videos that brings positive awareness of human beings. Smiles

The only narcs I like are dead ones

I knew someone who fit this definition, like the air that fills our 🫁 lungs.

The worst kind of narcissist is the type that calls their victim the narcissist!

Amazingly on point list! Number 2 was one I was thinking a lot about recently. Very timely. The mindset resembles an evolutionary strategy and so is not entirely their fault. Thanks.

Yep. All true about those Evil Things .

I love criticism. It's constructive, helps grow as a person. Forgiving myself is hard. That's true

No dramas they are merely demons in the flesh

My Ex Narcissist was good on telling lies, and was trying to makes me think I was the victim,I’m free from the Narcissist Thank god,boy bye

I mean do they really hate themselves? I doubt it. They hate anyone crosses them. Does that come from trauma? I doubt it. It comes from learning that if they act that way they usually get what they want, or at least it makes them feel exhilarated or a sense of power over others.

they are in pain, refusing to move on they meet you or know you already and want you to feel as crappy as them. it takes much work to regain what freedom you've gained and while you move on again, they belittle to bring you back. How dare I find some kind of meaning while they are bogged. I'm in recovery from family again but this time for the last time.

When I try opening up to the Narcissist after being out of work for a year due to depression due to lifelong abuse from multiple narcissists at home, at work, at school, and in romantic relationships. Their response: "Alright well it sounds like you just want to complain and not take the help that's being offered. You're choosing to be miserable and not do anything about it and I can't help you if you're not willing to help yourself. Nobody likes their jobs. You need to just go back to work and then you won't have all these problems you create for yourself anymore. You're not a special snowflake, everybody has to work." Then I start having suicidal thoughts because I've had over 25 jobs in the last 15 years and I've had money and I just have worked for terrible bosses with bad coworkers and I always break down crying at work when customers and co-workers make terrible comments to me about my physical appearance or personality so I've been bedridden for over a year. I couldn't wait to get my first job at 15 and I had really good grades in elementary school but I've gone through a lot of abuse and I've had people tell me their horrific abuse stories of having it ten times worse than me growing up then they gloat about their pristine work ethic and unstoppable drive to make money or their impressive self control to budget properly and not overspend and just get all this satisfaction from the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction receiving their paychecks from their jobs that they supposedly hate so much but go to anyways. I always thought I'd be a working person from age 15-70 I never anticipated or wanted to stop going to work and be bedridden from extreme depression at age 31. People think I need medication to numb my emotions from going through so much trauma so that I can get back to work already. Isn't there another way? I can't go on disability without taking drugs prescribed to me. I'm not crazy or neurochemically broken. I've been through more abuse than I can handle, that's all. And I can't afford good quality therapy without holding down a job with health benefits but then I'd have no time for therapy because no boss wants their employee taking 2 hour lunches every week for a "doctor's" appointment.

I find this video a little generalizing... Not all narcissists were pampered into becoming narcissists, I would argue its often the opposite.

Nobody is all that mean to me face to face in real life, though. Whatever the "narcissists" are doing is completely behind my back for a reason.

It's weird bc narcs have no empathy but know how to show it to pull you back in. The best manipulators fr

No, it's not always made from trauma - I do understand someone could both have the same experience and go on to be an empath. Yes, I do believe that what the child's parents are like may exhibit the traits in that child as they age but it's all about the choices we make. We are all born with a moral compass so we know already not to do the things that are wrong or are bad for us and if we do them, we suffer the consequences because you get to an age where you're old enough to do better. If you ever wonder how evil gets away with doing evil things and we say to ourselves that they've surely not got a heart we are in fact half right. If they allowed feelings to get in the way they wouldn't commit the act. If a thief suddenly developed feelings of how upset someone might feel and they're uming and arring whether or not to take someone's purse they'd get caught, they'd screw up, someone would see - in actual fact feelings get in the way. It's like in movies that quote goes, emotions make you weak and bad guys and women can do what they want when they want because they'll go a lot further than the hero would and that's what separates good from bad people. Their actions dictates their path they take in life. Anger is a normal emotion but it's what people do with it. You can feel bad for someone who's jealous who's feeling like everyone's better than them and how awful it is to live their life like that inadequate but the second they do something to another person hurt them in anyway because they will, jealous people almost can't help themselves because when jealously sets in its like poison and it rots that individual to the bone, and they're suddenly plotting other peoples discomfort to ease their low feelings of worthiness - it's like ha, I've done this to you, I've power over you when in reality happy people hold (as jealous people see it) more power because every body likes them, and in reality if you do vicious things to other people, people really won't like or respect you, treat you like scum - because only people who hurt others are scum but of course now this "victim" is going to tell anyone else how hard done by they are in life and everyone's against them. So they bloody should be! You hurt and upset other people in retrospect that individual deserves it!

Pure Evil

Some people who are proud of you will try to match interests.

When I tell you guys.... I'm literally going crazy right.....this video is head on... 100% real omg I have to get out here

Everything that was mentioned in this video is everything that my wife is I recently just moved all of my things out and she wants me to come back but I cannot I've done it many times before left and came back or got put out and came back and it's hurtful because we have a 9-year-old daughter together and I have a stepson with her that is 16 now that I raised since he was 5 so I feel like I gave him more than I'm giving my own daughter because I raised him to a teenager and I can no longer take it long enough to raise my daughter in the same household that long but she had previously been diagnosed as bipolar and now I understand why and not narcissistic personality disorder that is because the people that she sees the doctor psychiatrist or whoever they could never properly diagnose her because she's never going to go in there and tell them the truth I have to realize that now she's never going to tell the truth or change she still on the same BS right now unrealistic reality and for 10 years of marriage I literally watch this woman treat everybody better than she treated me but yet she doesn't want me to leave I'm gone now I can't go back I pray that doesn't affect my daughter I will stay in her life and unfortunately I cannot go non-contact because we have a daughter that is the bad part

It took 16 years to find out until she told me that she never loved me . When I asked why she married me said I was the one who asked . So I'm the biggest fool in the world . I knew she js a narrsist but didn't understand the effects now I do ..

They will laugh in your face while they hurt you. Evil human beings. Their hateful and self absorb. Stay away

The brutal truth but it saves you from a narcissist

That was one of the best narcissist videos I've ever seen.

...they don't like your vulnerabilities because it reminds them of their own.

Well, Jesus said we should love our enemies and pray for them. That's what we should do for these crazy people; not treat them as lunatics. However, we should do this from afar.

I was married to one for 17 years. Even after we were divorced, he still tried to control my life.

I'm glad I watched this.

They go to war for real but by themselves on themselves. You can’t argue lies, half truths, and completely made up narratives. It’s impossible to argue their fantasy land. It’s their delusional movie so it’s not our job to change or alter their narrative with reality.

This has been the best interpretation. Thank you darling 💋 I am healed

You need to move on and leave that toxic friendship behind you , for your own peace of mind. No one deserves to be treated that way. If you love yourself in a giving way, youll walk away from someone whos cruel to you, for you are not cruel.

Go no contact! Get your peace. God loves us, so we need to love ourselves.

"Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled." "There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness." "Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation." "For their herte ymagineth to do hurte, & their lippes talke of myschefe."

This generation can handle criticism also all these signs have this generation 😢 very sad.. The future of humanity will be ugly. I hope I am wrong.

Tired of dealing with narrsasist's there's plenty.🤐😬😶‍🌫️😒🧐🤓🤯

Being with nature and self reflection is super important. No finger pointing man. Look within an grow!

Thank you for your video. I’m sure it helps many lives to get peace in their lives!

Fucc ‘em. Learn the traits then run as fast as you can.

It's important to make sure you have the whole armor of God because you don't know when you can be manipulated or tempted by the devil.

I really appreciate your video, and your simple explanations of them/their behaviors.

Great Video.

It is a pathology and a personality disorder

"You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." "And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him." "For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’" "O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." "But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them." "What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.” "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness (i.e. morally deficient): All these evil things come from within, and defile the man." "If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before you." "He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them." "And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell." "But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people." "And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." "Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled." "There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness." "Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation." "For their herte ymagineth to do hurte, & their lippes talke of myschefe." For the vile person will speak villany, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise hypocrisy, and to utter error against the LORD, to make empty the soul of the hungry, and he will cause the drink of the thirsty to fail. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. (The Great Commission) Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen. And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents (i.e. children of the devil - that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan); and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. (The Ascension) So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God. And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.

These narcissists and psychopaths are the scourge of mankind.

They are either made to be by their abusive upbringing (by another narc) or else they are literally the seed of Cain and of their father the devil. Perhaps one leads to the other and whichever came first the results are the same. Renounce them, reclaim yourself and walk away.

Thank you so much I have learned from you advice and will put in practice and thank you for wise advice.

It is the weirdest thing to observe it's almost like The elusive wild animal in the jungle but when you are with one and realizing it it is quite the weirdness I just got out of a four-year relationship with one

Such a perverse mindset makes them a burden, not an asset.

Narcs hold onto reprobate bitterness from childhood!

I have been in a relationship with a covert female narcissist for the last fifteen years. We are currently going through a divorce. it has taken me a very long time to work out what is going on, and is has been a very damaging and difficult time, I never want to be in any form of committed relationship again as a result. in terms of "why" they are like they are, what I have learned and how I see the behaviours exhibited (in my personal experience, others may differ I'm sure) is that the narcissist isn't actually 100% "evil" in the general sense, sure they can be more vindictive than most but I think ascribing "evil" to them is like ascribing "evil" to a lion when it hunts - they act the way they act because they simply aren't wired correctly - the lack of empathy, and the desire to live in a fantasy world, their own fragile egos - their actions are the result of these things combined. what I saw was that my partner had such narrow and tightly defined ideas of what was acceptable to them, in absolutely everything in life (almost like autism) that anything that slipped outside of these boundaries was just unthinkable, unendurable to her - and this was backed up by her constant need to be "right" at all costs, or it invalidated her "fantasy world" her construct of how things are. I don't believe that narcissists scheme and strategize to harm and control you, it's not that thought out or overt - but they have as I state VERY strong needs for things to be " a certain way" -so over time they learn which behaviours of theirs illicit the behaviours, decisions and actions they require from other people in most situations in order for them to get what they want and keep living inside the very tightly defined corridors of acceptability they've built. An example would be - my partner didn't like and wouldnt get on with my friends, seeing them made her stressed and uncomfortable despite these get togethers being quite standard couples dinner dates - so what she did was to start negative behaviours and build up stress ahead of any event, act negatively or standoffishly whilst there (and quietly convey this to me when no one else was looking) and then follow this up with a post match report and argument on the journey home afterwards "you always do X when you're with you're friends", "you don't do Y", "this one of your friends is really bossy", the comments were endless and would always end up in an argument - after a while, I simply found it too stressful to see my friends, I dreaded it - so I'd either see them alone on very infrequent occasions or I'd cancel or decline invites. the behaviour she exhibited got her what she wanted - we stopped seeing my friends and I was isolated from them. there are many such examples. I genuinely don't think it's strategy, it's just learned behaviour that gets a desired outcome.