naima samale honestly though I think introverts tend to be more introspective due to their pensive nature, it’s not the case for everyone. People forget about all the other stuff that make up your personality. I know extroverts who are incredibly deep thinkers and introverts who uh aren’t so much. Extrovert Introvert aren’t your entire personality so it’s hard to say whether or not one is “introspective” for example just based on one factor
I once worked in an office that had lots of break room gatherings and parties, lots! I usually left after a few minutes to get back to work. Everyone would get offended and ask why I’m going back to me desk to work. Well, because I’m at work... ? I don’t understand this at all. Even the managers would tease me about it and I’m just thinking, so you want me to neglect my work, fall behind or have to work late, and pay me to socialize with all these people I see 5 days a week 8 hours a day?
There was a time when I tried to act extroverted. I could always "fake" it a few hours at a time. After a while though, I realized that introversion is a part of my personality and it's not worth my effort to fake it otherwise.
@@nowherenothere "Don't be so anti-social, you shouldn't spend so much time alone, you need to be more outgoing, you need to be more of a people-person, you think too much. . . " Is your cringe factor in orbit yet? !!!
My husband and I both are introverts. We have no desire to go out all the time, we love peace and quiet. If we do go out, we wish we were home. We love it....I was so fortunate to find the male version of myself 40 yrs ago. Even as a child I had 3 sisters and yet always preferred to play alone. Sometimes I would go sit in the car as a child just for the solitude. It's my DNA. I have no intention of ever changing. Liking your own company is wonderful.
Nor should you Cherry. Glad to hear you met someone with whom you can be yourself, and vice versa without apology. Count your blessings, many people are introverted and alone because they don't find or are found by someone who is a good match for them.
As an introvert, I've sat back and observed extroverts,and have seen on way too many occasions where it gets them involved with all sorts of bad situations and drama.As far as them having more "friends",many of those "friends" they have are fake.No thanks!Introverts have a smaller circle of friends that tend to be more loyal.
That’s exactly what I have seen, with my extroverted friends. As an introvert: I’ve avoided a lot of the pitfalls that they have experienced. They may have more friends than I do, however, I explain to them: I have the amount of friends that I can handle.
For anyone who hasn't read it, there's a book called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking," is so good. It really puts a whole new perspective on the value of being an introvert.
Plus possibly less infection risk coz extroverts still continue to have social gathering despite government announcements to avoid as many gatherings as possible.
Yeah, I was self-isolated before pandemic stuff, so nothing changed for me, or, rather, its been positive since now its socially acceptable to be this way
I agree as long as we differentiate between 1. The ability to spend time alone without becoming sad, and 2. Having been agoraphobic before Corona and now claiming everyone should be this way. 😉
I’m an introvert, and have perfectly positive emotions while skipping around the house gardening, reading and listening to music, skyping with friends, and watching RU-vid videos. 👍🏻
I grew up feeling there was something terribly wrong with me for being Introverted; feeling I was missing out on a world that seemed to prioritize extroversion in school, business, social groups, etc. But over time I'm realizing there is real value in embracing my introversion. It really is all about cultivating self-awareness along with a balanced mindset and approach to life, regardless of Introversion or Extroversion. I'm finally learning that it's okay for me to be who I really am, so long as I'm not hurting myself or anyone else in the process!
My limit is around the 2-3 hour mark for informal gatherings (family, etc.). I go home completely exhausted. I hate parties where I only know the host! Eek! Haven't been to a party in years, though. However, Covid isolation is too much even for me! 😳
@Brian Jones I can expand it to 6 hours or more but only if there are different things we are going to do and doesn't rely solely on talking all the time. If I get to my limit though i start getting very irritable for very small things. And can get explosive anger it I go too far.
@@diane9247 i get that!! But just before covid I went to a small house party where everyone was kinda introverted. And it was sooo nice. Everyone was like super respectful and interested and no one behaving in a loud way or putting the music loud. I have to say... introvert gatherings... that was just so fascinating and awesome
I‘m an introvert and my favorite colleague in the office is an extravert. I love her upbeat energy and lightheartedness that pull me out of me deep thoughts and feel like fresh air. To my surprise, she loves me equally back, but for opposite reasons: she appreciates my calmness and the space i give her, when she talks about difficulties. While other extraverts make jokes to cheer her up, i can‘t think of a joke, i can‘t be funny. So i do, what comes naturally to me: i listen and take her very serious. She feels understood. We are a symbiotic team. 😄😄
I'm extremely extroverted, and my girlfriend is quite introverted. We spend a lot of time together just being in each others presence. I love the break from always feeling compelled to talk. We can just be.
I think our society is geared towards and celebrates extroversion. It can be rough for us introverts! I love extroverts, but sometimes they try to "change" introverts because they can't understand our need to spend time alone to recharge our batteries, so to speak. Thanks for speaking on the positive aspects :)
Avoiding high positive emotions can protect you from the passions of the mob and the facile rituals of the day. That is a big advantage if you believe integrity matters.
A quick joke about excessive optimism: A young lad was exceedingly optimistic and always saw the bright side of things. His parents appreciated this but thought it would be well to temper his optimism as the world might someday come down hard on him. Nothing worked. In desperation they had a truckload of horse manure delivered and dumped through the window into his basement bedroom. When he arrived home from school, he opened his bedroom door, yelled "Yippee" and ran to the garage to get a shovel. His parents asked him what he was doing and he answered "There must be a pony in there somewhere!"
As an introvert I'm able to get more done. When I was nineteen years old I started a real estate business that I still have today (I'm now 43y/o). While my friends partied I was alone working on my business. I don't believe I would have started a business at such a young age if I was an extrovert.
@Jake Stockton First, you’re incorrect. Second, you’re calling me a liar and saying I haven’t dealt with Social Anxiety Disorder for 29 years? Perhaps you’d elaborate?
I don't know which I'm more annoyed by: society's tendency to reward extraversion while treating introversion as a problem that needs fixing, or the same old tired "introvert stereotypes." Being an introvert does not mean that I'm a recluse living in fear of humanity amid piles of books and 20 pet cats. Maybe I'm just bitter? Lol. Thank you for examining the upside of introversion Dr. G!
I was born into a family of extroverts. Constantly being told there was something “wrong” with me. Teased. Bullied into talking and interacting. Thankfully, I have my own family to take care of now so I don’t have to endure them often. Ironically, my in-laws are more introverted than I am, so I’m oftentimes leading any conversation, since otherwise there would be crickets! Lol. You do you. It’s not easy being an introvert in an extrovert’s society.
I am a cheerful person. The jobs I hold and have held have forced me out of my previous comfort zone so I am able to be outgoing when I need to be and I enjoy it. Yet I enjoy my privacy. I like to be around people yet I often enjoy things others find boring as I do not need to be around a group of people 24/7. I enjoy people and I enjoy privacy more than most people.
It sounds to me like you're very good at balancing where you put your energy and are aware of the benefits you feel from each type of activity. That's great!
Introverts are happy. That misattribution should end. Introversion is not tantamount to being a miser or misanthrope. I just had to state that. And that said, there's a term for what you describe- ambivert
If you enjoy people but like being around people you are getting energy from that. Which means your are more likely an extrovert that has some sense in enjoying privacy. Privacy doesn’t mean introversion. It means that when introverts are around people we feel deflated, or our energy is sucked dry and we need time on our own to recharge. I like being around people - close friends - not everyone ! But I’m happy not doing this often and am quite happy seeing people once a year even.
Introverts talk a lot about being judged but really I think introverts are just as judgy. Chatterbox? How about we all try to be more understanding and appreciate the differences between us. Extroverts can learn not to take your silent unsmiling retreat from social interactions as rejection and you can understand that it’s possible to want to relate to other people without being considered obnoxious and empty?
@@esmereldapinchon1422 Yeah, I feel like quite a few introverts are actually jerks. So are extroverts, but at least extroverts don't act like they're the only ones getting judged.
Interesting lecture ..... Now if only we can get ppl to stop harassing introverts to conform to people's perceived social norms .... some of us just want nothing to do at all with societies over dramatized he said she said bullshit ....
Thank you. I used to be pushed by a woman at work to eat lunch in the packed break room with coworkers. I just really didn’t want to. She would yell at me to eat lunch with everyone else. It was so uncomfortable. She was the life of the party, the look at me, tattle tale... so exhausting. I would push back and say “thanks I’m good here.” I just find it unfair for others to want to push their own personality traits on others. Just let me be
@@rebecastevens8892 I thought I was the only one who experienced this. This is why me and my Capoeira Teacher dont get along. He's tries to make everyone who is quiet "come out of their shell". And if you dont, we will single you out and roast you in front of everyone. Luckily for me, as the years went by and my skills started improving AND I became a bodybuilder he started having a harder time sparring me, so now he leaves me alone
@@rebecastevens8892 I dont mind eating with others just for show as long as I am not obliged to be audience for the "life of the party's" awesomeness. Generally I find those self styled life of the party's to be draining as they suck enthusiasm out of you than provide it- i.e fake extroverts and attention whores.
I appreciate the comments about lack of positive emotion not being equal to negative etc. This is a prevalent assumption in my world. I feel affirmed and will continue to be a realist (an introverted one). Thank you once again Dr Grande. So much packed into so short a video.
I have a friend that would be considered an extrovert. In our younger days when men were making advances to her she would act very friendly, but would then abruptly disregard them moments later, because she was not interested. I'm an introvert and was clear from the start when I was not interested, which I thought was more honest and created less confusion. Just one example where coldness can be confused with honesty and sincerity. Another example is that I see a great amount of neediness and selfishness in some extroverted people. It's not about what they can give, but what they can get, and they will hide that behind being very friendly and outgoing. I think people in general have this preference for extroverts because it makes them feel more comfortable when they can socialize than when they don't get much contact. They tend to be suspicious of the introvert, because they just don't know the person. Even though the extrovert they "know" might have a lot more secrets than the introvert they are suspicious of.
Every extravert is not a carbon copy of another. If your personality swings comfortabley from one side to another, that's a different type. The presumption of neediness, shallowness, selfishness is unfair. Unfortunately, I have found over the years that many staunchly introverted people become intimidated by extraverted behaviors, for no real reason except insecurity ... and envy. No reason to wear our "'verts" like a badge. Enjoy the variety!
Being an introvert, i have been on both spectrum. Distant/cold right from the beginning but have also acted friendly and discarded someone shortly after. I am both shallow and highly introspective. My point is, i don't think your using the right pronouns to describe the differences between introverts/extroverts. Dont get it mixed and be thinking introverts are all high and mighty and full of honesty/integrity. All it is, is how we use our energy.
@@Hamyhamster24 No, that was not my point at all. Of course introverts can be full of ugly secrets. I'm just giving an example of how they can also be misunderstood.
@Jake Stockton I can see why you would make that assumptions. But that’s a very shallow assumptions without much research and thoughts being put into. If you consider yourself an introvert you already know introverts tends to self reflect a lot, this means we spend more time looking deeper into things. However Your assumptions just proved to me that both introverts and extroverts are equally capable of being vain, selfish, and shallow. It isn’t the introvert/extrovert traits, it’s the character integrity, values and morals that ultimately guides the individual. Introversion and extroversion is simply just an outlet to release and absorbs energies that fuels our minds, souls and bodies.
(Smiling) 💕crikey, did anyone else have to replay three times to take it all in. Thank you Dr Grande, another great informative vlog. I’m an introvert who likes company in small doses.💕🇬🇧🏴
As an introvert, I think my biggest strength is not letting people know how I feel or what I think. Harder for people to move on you that way. It keeps you in control of yourself rather than having to respond to what others are doing.
Annie Zzi OMG, I’ve gone entire events never getting a word in! At the most recent one, I learned every minor detail (seemingly) of the people I was sitting with, and I doubt they ever asked my name. 😳
As a lifelong extrovert, I am going to address this group tonight after I get in bed. Between the ages 40-60 😬, I’ve given the topic much thought for a very long time. I hope to provide some insight and gain some.
I'd point out the cultural context mattering. The difference between Japan and the United states. One socially rewards introversion more and the other has more incentives towards extraversion. So this kind of context could help frame the topic.
Completely agree. Another example is Latin America, where if you prefer to spend time alone, people worry what’s wrong with you! It’s just not right, it’s not natural; you may be sick or even offended at something, and no one wants to see you isolated / isolating. It’s tough to be a natural introvert under those circumstances! People really don’t understand if you say, “I just need some time to myself.”
It bothers me so much when kindness is seen as an extraverted trait. Being an introvert doesn't mean you're unkind and many extroverts are not kind people. I don't see how it has anything to do with introversion vs extraversion.
considering that grandiose narcisists are basically the ur-extrovert; that narcissism is extroversion turned up to 11... yeah. Extroversion and kindness are absolutely not synonyms.
My guess is that introversion is not well understood even by psychologists. Probably because they work with people and tend to be extroverts. They often attribute more positive qualities to extroverts. As an introvert myself, I don't fear people, I don't fear social gatherings, I'm not afraid of public speaking, I'm not shy. But I have a natural aversion to being around a lot of people and I can only stand social gatherings for so long. I know many extroverts who are egomaniacal blowhards and others who let themselves do everyone else's work for them.
The problem of introversion, well at least it's been mine is that unless you grew up with a nurturing environment, is that you do not fit in and you have to be assertive/confident to meet your needs. Otherwise you litterally die from burn out.
Thank you for your insight. I believe I am a “socialized introvert.” People experience me as being an extrovert but I must have alone time to reenergize. The COVID lockdown hasn’t troubled me.
This is one of Dr. Grande's best videos. Finally someone who recognizes some of the benefits of being an introvert. The smug attitudes of extraverts towards introverts has always bothered me. Dr. Grande has explained the nuances of the facets. This is a video to watch repeatedly.
Dr. Grande Congratulations to you and TO all of us for getting "Christmas Day" to move along into the past and now onward. (The commercial part of it makes it feel like a stress and a hassle even when we stay away from all of that...) Merry Christmas, Though! This is a great new topic! Thank you!
I've been an introvert since day one. I wonder know how my life would have gone had I not been told that that my introversion was a personal bad....which it is not. Introversion has its costs, but those costs were multiplied by the addition of the belief that I was defective.
Stephen Zielinski i agree. My teachers were always telling my parents they were concerned that I was “anti social”. I hope teachers aren’t doing that anymore. I was just quiet and overwhelmed in classrooms full of rambunctious children! Nothing wrong with that, but I didn’t figure it out until adulthood
Stephen Zielinski- Same as you, I've been "shy" all my life. It never helped that ridicule and misunderstanding from others made me feel even more shame, and social anxiety. I have learned over time that I am just as I was meant to be. I try not to be so sensitive. I wish you nothing but the best!
Anarcho Frills you can’t accurately describe how I interpreted this video based on my comment. I was simply speaking to the double standard that extroverts are seldom told to change themselves and introverts are often told that. No one is perfect and we can all work on ourselves. Im not ruling out anything you said, but you don’t have the proper context about me or my situation to make the assumptions that you did.
Possible confirmation bias notwithstanding, there are a lot of things to think about from this talk. In some ways you have indeed explained some of my behaviors over the years and it makes sense. Thank you for publishing this.
I’m a huge introvert and have a hard time communicating my thoughts during work meetings. I cringe when people say dumb things just to fill up a silent moment, especially in front of work colleagues. Sometimes I really wish I could change this, but I don’t know how. I can be hyper critical of myself.
This is a very interesting topic, Dr. Grande. As always, you have presented the topic of extroversion vs introversion in a very detailed and informative way. I am an introvert yet throughout the years, I have been called upon to do presentations for various companies that I worked at and I even took courses to enhance my public speaking skills. Also, at various functions I can be very outgoing and mingle very well with various people. Therefore, I would get feedback like "Oh, you are so extroverted." "Oh my, how can you stand up in front of a large group of people and show no fear as you speak." The reality is, especially for work engagements and assignments (you don't move up if you are perceived as an introvert), I learned to get out of my shell. So, I can go out of my introverted security zone yet I find I need my space after awhile and I have to be in a state of solitude for a certain period of time to recharge my batteries after a lot of more extroverted activities.
I have no problem spending days alone never having any communication with other people. I have been this way for 60 plus yrs. and enjoy my quite time of self reflection . Growing up I felt left out of the "things" of my socially active peers and siblings. But upon deep reflection I came to realize most extroverts have overblown egos and are phony. I have only known a hand ful of extroverts that had the decency not to "talk over" me when I was speaking. Speaking over another person is a big gripe of mind. I feel mentally exhausted dealing with the non-stop chatty types and I try to distance myself from them.
This was very interesting! I'm glad I watched this. The title made me extremely nervous, as I am an extrovert. I was anticipating that this video would make the case that introversion is generally superior to extraversion, or that extraversion is inherently bad... and that's obviously not what this was about. It seems that the point of this video is that many people view extraversion as generally superior/desirable, and that of course is not true. Both introversion and extraversion have their advantages, time and place. The key is being socially intelligent and balanced enough to understand when certain expressions are or are not appropriate. Thank you for the content. I think it is wonderful to fairly and objectively analyze the pros and cons of both sides. Great perspective.
RockawayCCW yes it’s but but it opens with a story about a person who she describes as an introvert - but I think of her as very assertive in a way that introverts are not.
I love how you see people in the lens of traits not personality. It’s like you are not in favor of labeling. That’s is really nice. It encourages self acceptance. And helps maintain an outlook for improvement. Love all the analysis of the traits Thank you Your videos are becoming highly professional Interesting to watch!
Am I wrong to say there is a spectrum with Introverts at one end, Extroverts on the other end, and in the middle are the ambiverts. Depending on situations one can move back and forth on the spectrum while others spend more time at one end or the other.✌
I scored a 10/10 in extroversion on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test on personality when I took it in high school. The administrator said a 10 in any of the measured traits is extremely rare. Now at 41, I’m much more introverted. People can be exhausting and I need time to “recharge” alone after a social visit. Go figure.
Thank you for the insightful explanation and for bringing this to light, Dr. Grande!! Living in the NPD environment, and at the absence of NPD knowledge, I tried my best to relate to those around me. However, even after spending a life time, I am still completely puzzled with the whole thing. Thank God for clearing NPD in You Tube channels!! Thank you for your work that otherwise, I would never understand these mystery of a lifetime. Merry Christmas to you and yours and Happy New Year 2020, Doc, and God bless🎄🙏🤞
I know its mean but those "always on the go ppl" get on my damn nerves i just wanna say SETTLE DOWN!! Lol to be fair though i am an introvert 😏 i always felt like we are smarter lol
Regarding the facets of warmth & assertiveness you have the same misconception that so many people who don’t understand introversion have. Introversion is not about being shy, meek, or anti-social. It’s about how a person responds to social situations. As an introvert, I can socialize with people in a group setting , be friendly and open, express warmth, and make a genuine connection with them. However, if the size of that group is 20 people, my battery is going die a lot faster than if there are, say, 5 people in that setting. And in either case, I’m going to have to recharge that battery doing a quiet, solo activity, typically reading. Put an extrovert in those same situations and they’re going to respond differently. They will in fact be more gregarious and outgoing but that’s because they derive energy out of social situations. Their battery gets charged in a large gathering and they don’t feel the need to, say, make an Irish exit so they can be in their PJs at 10.
Thank you Dr for another great video! I'm introverted and frequently got told by my colleagues when I worked in the care sector (where it is generally preferred that workers are outgoing) that I am such a calm and relaxing influence in an otherwise hectic and highly social job. I found value in my introversion in times where some residents were quiet and seemingly grumpy towards the staff - but they usually just wanted someone that would listen and be a calming influence. I was the perfect fit for that role. I felt tremendously grateful and valuable despite 90% of my colleagues being extroverts.
I finally viewed this video and I felt I could understand my traits of introversion . Being a Barber for many years and being able to be a listener , I have been an honorary therapist in so many peoples situations. I have my boundaries, and I won't tolerate much before I will exercise them. I find most extrovert's eventually exhausting and generally superficial. I'm perfectly content in my type of introversion.
So nice to hear you pointing out the positives for people who lean more towards being introverted. I enjoy socializing with a small group of friends, love being around family, but also loooove my alone time. What a perfect way you described a part of being an introvert when you said "...looks for interesting things to do, but tries to limit the risk" I have such a high appreciation for the way you so masterfully formulate your messages!
I am an introverted LMFT and I’ll never forget what the good Dr Bob told me when I was getting my hours under his supervision. He said, a good counselor should only do about 20% of the talking. So, when you said that low gregariousness was a good thing for a mental health professional, it echoed his words of wisdom.
Thanks for another interesting video doc. I'm definitely more of an introvert, I'm often told that I'm quiet & have been mistaken for someone who won't stand up for myself, but I always have when I've needed to. I can also be very extroverted around people I feel comfortable with.
I think the pros and cons of extroversion and introversion are related to context, timing, and and the ability for a person to intuit what is appropriate. There are always internal and external nuances...ranges...times and places that alter the social desirability and tendency to display either personality trait. Strive to know thyself, remain oriented, and have the capacity to decipher when to speak and when to listen. This is a lifelong process.
I don’t see introvert-extrovert traits as something you can simply turn in or turn off. You may not be 100% one or the other but that doesn’t make you adaptive to roles like some kind of actor playing a scene.
@@stephenpowstinger733 It often depends on confidence level. How many times have you been in a situation with a bunch of strangers and you've been quiet, exhibiting all the characteristics of an introvert and then as you get to know people, become more extroverted? Or arrive amongst people you know well and been an extrovert straight away? So what are you, an extrovert or an introvert? Both, it depends on the circumstance.
@@karlp8484 I agree with a part of this. Just to add via sports sports analogy - if you are a cornerback, you might be able to get away with playing free safety for a whille, but eventually your nature will be "exposed". Natural tendencies are the facets that Dr. Grande spoke on and what people most frequently display.
your comment at 6:00 is spot on. Salespeople are always associated with extroversion and gregariousness, but when it comes to selling things like investments or insurance or any product or service that is more complex and expensive, an introvert who listens authentically and reflects and answers what the prospect is concerned about will outsell simple extroversion. No one should let their introversion make them feel that they can't have a happy, lucrative career in sales. Great observation, I don't hear it a lot.
I see introverts as being responsible for their own energy, while extroverts, although they often don't mean to - will suck energy from whoever they can, just so they can be the centre of attention. They think of no one else except themselves, first and foremost, most of the time. This is exactly one of the reasons why introverts tend to tire quickly from being around groups of people - there's sure to be some extroverts that are unconsciously feeding from others around them, while introverts generate their own energy, but when depleted, they need time to build it up again. This is why we need so much alone time. We're charging our own batteries, because we don't/can't recharge from sucking it from others. Energy vampirism is a thing. It's just not widely known and understood. I didn't realize what was going on until I really started to study energy stuff, and then I started noticing patterns, and connected the dots. Learning to create an energy shield when you go out really helps, as it stops others from affecting you. Takes time to learn and to hold up for any length of time, but it really does help, and I suggest that all introverts learn it. :)
This topic was great in helping me to understand my sons in their personality. After understanding your insight I can see that either introverts and extroverts have desirable and not desirable traits. Taylor will run to an exciting action w/o thoughts of danger. Whereas Jeremy wants to join in but carefully studies the cons of the activity Kudos. for an excellent topic.. Thanks Dr Grande.
One major thing that annoys me is the negative way introversion is described. Not just the typical view that it's undesirable, but the way introverts tend to be described as flawed extroverts. A common description is that extroverts are lively, talkative, engaged, socially active, while introverts isolate themselves, are slow to engage with others, are not talkative, and avoid social interaction. That was one great illuminating thing about Susan Cain's book, that she described introverts as having a very rich inner life that extroverts rarely see. She describes introverted traits in positive terms, rather than being deficiencies, as if we are extroverts who need to be "fixed". Even here, it's described almost as a deficiency, "low extroversion" instead of "high introversion." Extroverts have is a tendency to put exceeding faith in that All Holy First Impression. They often see that introverts are not quick to leap into a conversation, then frequently conclude that there must not be much in our heads because we don't talk so readily as extroverts. Yes I am very introverted, but I can do a lot of things that surprise many extroverts. I am an excellent teacher. I also excel at public speaking, there is no debilitating anxiety at all, and often I come out having thoroughly enjoyed it. Yet I can't stand small talk, I actually feel a tightness in my chest when I hear "hello, how are you today?" It takes an effort to respond in the bland meaningless words that the extroverted expect, it's actually easier to give an honest account of how I REALLY feel. I despise meetings, there's always at least one extrovert who just won't shut up and it all drags on far longer than necessary. I can easily go days hardly speaking to anyone except cashiers and store clerks, and that only from necessity. Social interaction becomes exhausting beyond a certain point, and that point is far sooner than most extroverts can comprehend. Finally, extroverts who get to know me invariably say that their first impression was wrong, that there is much more to my personality than that All Holy First Impression can account for. But few take the time to discover this.
Thank you for defending (?) for introverts. Also, distinguishing between low positive emotions and high negative emotions is a really helpful highlight. I think a lot of times people confuse these two things.
Interesting topic, Dr Grande. I consider myself to be introverted as high extroversion is or can be an annoyance if I am around a person(s) that are an extravert. On the other hand, I love adventure, but I guess rather quietly. Does that makes sense? Anyway, interesting! Thank you!
I love my life as an introvert. Popularity is the last thing on my wish list. I enjoy having friends but not needing them desperately. We listen well and people tend to confide in us. I have time to write and paint. I am a self contained unit and can take or leave the company of others. I get to live the life I want in another country, without a spouse attempting to direct my life (been there, done that).. My children and grandchildren are grown. We keep in touch. Finally, my life is totally my own.
What a variety of stuff you talk about! Impressed is not enough of a word to describe this channel (edit: feelings-wise for me). Frickin' good job Grande!
To me, an advantage of introversion is the internal compass. The introvert, other things being equal, is less likely to be misled by the reactions of others, or even by irrelevant sensory information, as in optical illusions. Of course I'm so odd in many ways - not scared of bugs, spiders, snakes, mentally ill people, or gang members for that matter, like so many are. I suppose that is largely because I observe and pay attention, so I can recognize whether there is any threat or not, and if so, what kind of threat. Frankly, I find them all fascinating, and most of them beautiful.
Hi Dr. Grande. Have you ever covered the flow state (being in the zone) and related concepts like intrinsic/extrinsic motivation? I’d like to hear your view on that and how it relates to other constructs.
Thank you very much, Dr Grande. It was truly inspiring to hear the positive sides to being introverted! Wishing you and your family a Happy New Year 🥳🥰
spending half of my life as a shy, quiet person, i will take my extroversion any day of the week but I do think I have a decent mix of both. I know where to tone myself down!
Being somewhat extroverted but with high emotional IQ and empathy would tend to blur the line on the distinction between a introverted and extroverted person.
Brilliant! 🤩 Dr Grande, you have really motivated me to embed my wish be more open, compassionate and non-judgemental towards the quieter individual 😌 everyone is unique and we all need to understand this better 🤔 Your description of introverts’ positive attributes is refreshing and really true! 👍🏻 I’m more extrovert, but this isn’t always helpful or the best way to be 🤪 🙄 😉 Thank you, more fantastic and useful information and explanations, as always 🧐 Plus, I saw at least TWO Dr G. chuckles 😆 Ah, my Christmas is now complete!🎄🙏😀
As someone that's very introverted, one of my pet hates (pet hate number 188 to be exact) is when people assume that introversion is the same as shyness. I'm not shy... at all. I have no problem speaking to people, even in large groups, or being the centre of attention. I'll quiet happily get up and perform karaoke in a bar, or deliver a presentation to hundreds of people. I just have certain preferences when it come to social interactions.
Something I noticed highly extroverted people do is they tend to befriend too many people indiscriminately out of habit or because they can’t stand feeling lonely. This can include people who are creepy, annoying or shady. I’ve had many arguments about this with my extroverted friends. They can’t seem to grasp the concept that people can cause problems and be dangerous and you don’t have to befriend every weirdo at the bar and invite them back to your house for a party the next day.
Very Interesting vlog Dr Grande. Thank you kindly! I've had a couple of weeks break from RU-vid & BAM... You've 173,000+ followers! Much deserved.. congratulations!
Thanks for this, it helps me realize as a introvert i am a really nice guy. There was a short time where i was feeling like i might of been a narcissist but this just proves me wrong.
My father was out going warm intresting & very friendly with good conversation...my mother was an introvert, not much conversation very shy & self conscious. They were both very attractive. I inherited my mother's character which I hated!! Being an introvert got me nowhere at all & all I was to people was 2 things..one was nice & the other was boring. However this all changed when I got into my 40's..my change of character into my father's extroverted personality was so fast & left me stunned! We were living in different country's so it's not like I was in his company a lot. I've throughly enjoyed my new persona..people are drawn to me & they find me intresting & funny & warm..my crippling shyness & awkwardness followed me well into adulthood & I'm STILL (at 64) trying to figure out what the hell happened!
I am confused about what was stated around time mark 4:20 regarding kindness and "warmth:" why are the two implied as connected? I am hyper kind, and I am hyper "cool:" I greatly dislike humans (and avoid them), yet I am extremely kind to them because it is my personality to be kind. I detest being touched; I detest being talked to; I carry insects and arachnids outside without harming them, and i am a vegetarian out of kindness. I see no reason why kindness and "warmth" are facets of the same trait.
Desertphile I don't know. Observe your motivation and feelings during your next interaction. Humans are animals. Do you have a dislike of any other animal?
I might be wrong about this, and I don't mean to say you are like him in any other regard, but I believe Hitler was a vegetarian out of "kindness". en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_welfare_in_Nazi_Germany I don't think he was naturally warm or kind. I have traits that naturally aren't "good" but I'm working on my mental health to adjust my pathology towards good ends. I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way.
It could be the Big Five test tends to blur the lines between 'extraversion' and 'feeling'. To me for example, warmth has a connection with how a person feels about human beings, or other living things, and not necessarily extraversion.
This is a fascinating exploration of this topic. It made me think about how a person can examine oneself and take stock of his/her/my natural "configuration" and appreciate what it means. Wonderful to point out that what sometimes as seen as a disadvantage, can actually be the opposite. On the other hand, it is a gift to realize that there are advantages to what is not natural to us, as one can begin to make efforts to incorporate those characteristics (self improve). For example, a gregarious person might consider shutting the hell up and listening to others in order to do better at work or in a relationship. Once again, I tip my hat to you sir!
I thought extraversion and introversion were mainly about different cognitive styles. Extraverts are more influenced by what others think/do/say and introverts are more likely to keep their own counsel and make decisions based on their own perception and experience.
I'm both intro & extro, depends on situation, am a great listener. I do believe a lot of extroverts are narcissists, so then those pluses are huge minuses when you get to know them/want a deep relationship. Thanks again Dr G. You have such a great way of letting us see all sides of subjects👍🌻👭💌
I'm an introvert... I am perfectly comfortable in my own company and find it preferable MOST of the time. I like company if i have picked the company and the time frame i want socialise. I am not rude or cold to people, i am friendly to everyone i meet and a person who might not know me may think i am not introverted... I may not initiate conversations with new people but i am always willing to engage for a short while and then will politely make an excuse to leave. I find it weird that people would say introverts are unfriendly, i have a mixture of both groups as friends, some way more introverted than me and some extra extroverted. Only difference is i feel more tired after hanging out with my extroverted friend's... Or a bit mentally drained even, but i still enjoy their company. Sometimes i think people are socially awkward and rude and they use introversion as an excuse.
I have been an introvert all my life and also suffer from anxiety. I have never liked large groups. I don't ever start conversations. If I don't know people, I am uncomfortable with them. I feel guilty if I don't volunteer but want to volunteer. I never would make a first move with a guy. I have few close friends. I don't really want to go out much like other people. I have great compassion for others who are suffering. I'm not a show off and stand in the back. I am a nurse.... I did pretty good with Covid but missed my family . The only thing that was important was taking my dog for a walk every morning. I am a little more outgoing than when I was a child. Thanks for this Video.💖🇨🇦❤️🍩
I fondly remember about 8-9 years ago when the Susan Cain TED Talk on the power of introverts blew up the Internets. There was this deluge of articles and memes around the same time. I was teaching Business English online at the time and I kept sending people the Susan Cain talk or articles about networking for introverts. People in certain countries like Italy, where extroversion and gregariousness seem to be very highly prized, actually used to not believe me when I would tell them what an introvert I am. I wanted to point out that no extrovert would have the patience to sit on the phone for hours on end explaining grammar, pronunciation, vocab, and enjoying it to boot. :) I wonder if Dr. Grande has analyzed games that attempt to simulate personality? As a card-carrying introvert, I have played the Sims off and on for two decades, more so at the beginning than now, but one thing I loved was this hilarious truth-take the developers worked in to the personality sliders in earlier versions of the game. Because of my own personality bias, I hated setting the "Outgoing" slider very high at all because the Sims would quickly get depressed and start weeping because they didn't have enough social interaction. At any rate, it would be extremely interesting to hear what a professional had to say about this or any other games where personality is a factor in gameplay, if there are such games.
Excellent talk. Nice to know it’s not a disadvantage to be somewhat introverted. I tend to be cautious and don’t like to take risks. Chatter boxes exhaust me. It feels like a chore to visit someone who’s a non stop talker. One has to be polite and go through the motions, especially is it’s family or in laws.
I've been through a LOT of medical trauma and a decent amount of emotional and psychological abuse within my family so I find that thinking "happy" thoughts (as most people tell me to do) gives me panic attacks, as going through all that trauma has given me PTSD. I find that when I seek out traumatic experiences that I haven't had, like a documentary on a serial killer or priest abuse, those things help me cope with my life because I can then see the positive aspects of my life. That, for me, is a way in which low positive thinking is actually desirable.
If you feel better after having watched a documentary on a serial killer or sexual abuse, it may be a good idea to find a trauma therapist, if you haven't already. You don't have to have "happy" thoughts, but you may feel some relief from PTSD, a sense of safety. Take care.
What it takes to motivate someone to behave in a certain way highly depends on their personality type. We tend to judge the behavior of others by incorrectly assuming they are motivated by what it would take to motivate us to engage in a similar behavior.
I am a 65 yr old introvert, all my life. Always told to change. Never did. One thing I found tht helped me was my keen observational skills and what analysis I made in relation to that. It has kept me from being scammed. A good bullshit detector.
I have openness to to experience I like tandem skydiving so I ask the person I go up instuctor I go up with hows ya family going? Because either the parashoot does get packed properly or the guy you are hooked up to feels suicidal! But being I have the memory of a fish I never want to learn how to do it on my own because they often forget to open their own shoot on the first solo jump. Also 'Splat' terrifies me! lol. I understand we can feel empty but at times are adventurous and extremely outgoing sometimes. Everything on this on makes complete sense. Thank you Dr. Grande for defining these facets accurately..
Leanne I don’t know if you’re aware or interested, but you could probably be a writer. I’m judging your content. It’s interesting. Editing is easier when starting with creative writing. I’m a writer/editor and have never told this to someone online.
Dr. Grande covers the topic in a very reduced way. There is a range of introvert types going from assertive individuals to shy mice. As an assertive introvert, I can start conversations with strangers and be very friendly. It is just not my favorite occupation. The only difference between me and genuine extroverts is that after a day of interacting with people, I need to be alone to recuperate. The other difference is that introverts don't act crazy when exposed to a long period of loneliness. The Covid isolation was the most creative and happy time in my life because I could finally spend all the time doing what I like.
I think it’s important to understand the difference between what is best for the whole situation, and what is best for the individual in question. What gets rewarded? Often, gregariousness is rewarded in a given situation though listening skills are really more helpful in the long run. I think the Oprah interview style is a very good example of this.
I enjoy self-help taken as this kind of scientific analysis of personality. I do not like the self-help authors and speakers who deliver their positive psychology sort of as a preacher or a salesman would. In short I don’t like much in the self-help section of the bookstore as they don’t have much science to back up their theories. There is a popular book on introversion which is quite good. It describes introverts as having many advantages. Some people will try to put you down if you’re an introvert but that amounts to bullying.
