I thought it was going to be cringy too. There are so many "counselors" and gurus on YT and some of them are pretty awful. I also think they copy one another (Boundaries! Boundaries!). I clicked this on a whim but the guy is good and his presentation pacing is excellent, With so many of these types of videos I think, "Get to the point!" btw.. I'm a dude and I AM gay. I love watching videos about heterosexual angst but we definitely have our own version so it's not that different.
@@BernMendezI was never taught anything about relationships I've been shattered my entire adult life now it's to late. I'm old and men aren't checking for women my age. I've always loved but I've never received love from a man. I am dedicated loyal educated loving kind I cook clean and I'm not casual or permisculous I'm easy on the eyes fun but men never choose me. I'm so lonely and alone and now it's to late for me because I don't want some old guy with health problems looking for a nurse maid.😢😢
After being taken advantage of used abused, lied to betrayed , gas lit,manipulated ect. I just recommend focusing on self and God you cant go wrong giving your heart to God and you are the apple of His eye He won't let you down🙌💯❗
I had no dad or brothers or any men around when I was young. I went into dating like a lamb to slaughter. Married first man I was ever with when I was 20. Wasted my 20s and ruined the potential of those critical years. That was in 05. Women now are lucky to have internet coaches.
"He won't commit if he can't feel how you need him" - this right here is my big challenge... letting a man know how I need him. First, I need to know IF I need him! lol I really do want to have (or make) a place in my heart for the right loving man, for me.
The struggle is real! It's hard to let go of control and allow someone else to take care of things in your daily life when you are the only one doing it all your life.
This is actually so insanely insecure and toxic. That he'd only stay with someone who was codependent on him. Which means he isn't a valuable partner or even a good person. He relies on things like this instead. A healthy man who wants you will simply pursue you, that's it, lmao. He'll also understand that it's way more meaningful when the woman doesn't need him to survive or be happy but still wants him around. That's even more romantic.
What wonderful advice really truly, and put in an excellent way, so that we can talk to our daughters and our friends and even for ourselves. Very very helpful.
Reality is that there are so many people out there who are suffering. We have confidence but we also have had bad luck. Many for most our lives. So we are looking for a man who wants to heal together. Spend quiet time without constant distraction. Not Mr perfect or a perfect life perfect resume perfect perfect perfect
OK, let me get this straight - there are very few men out there who are willing/able to have a healthy relationship, but I should lead with being completely vulnerable and showing them how much I need them? Isn't this just one more instance of women being expected to do all the emotional work in a relationship?
My dad and brother told me nothing when i was young. I thought men wanted relationships as much as women....I was wrong...44 still single. Took me a very long time to understand how dating works. There is a ton of heartbreak out there as a female when you are not taken seriously by men.
Me too. My dad told me nothing. He never even met any of my dates growing up. Whenever their car would pull up, he would hide in his room. I’m 46 and still single. :/
Nah, some of us were not though that it mattered to wait after marriage to be intimate. Fortunately, some of us found God later in life and chose to honour Him this way… but unfortunately, some baggage came along. Let’s remember that we all have different walks of life and that shame and judgment has never brought anyone closer to the truth. Let’s be gracious 🙂
1) 2:40 quality men will wait and slow it down for you 2) 3:55 he will never respect you if you aren't strong in your boundaries 3) 5:30 he needs to be vulnerable 4) 6:43 he doesn't control you 5) 8:30 didn't understand this 6) 11:01 inspiration works better than manipulation
I have no idea how I got the best man in the world for me. I am 83yo, was married to him 62 years and he died in my arms. We met when we were 12, became friends, started dating some when we were 14, fell in love with each other’s families (literally!), fell in love just before going off to college, got engaged, married after a couple of years of college, helped each other finish school, and started a family. We supported each other in our careers and interests although we were VERY different kinds of people. Call it luck, call it a blessing. I am not sure what limits a 14yo has or even knows about, but what you say here resonates with me. It really has to do with the kind of love that engenders respect. It was never easy. We had to work hard at loving and keeping our marriage going.
You found what everyone wants. However, it sounds like you both had empathy and repect, and kept working at keeping things going. Always going to be waves in life. Thank you for sharing your lovely story with us. x
I'm divorced 3 times and relieved to be free of desire to share my life with a man. I was disappointed every time, but seeing how my exes aged, I dodged some big bullets. Women, our circles of women are pretty phenomenal. Not one woman from the families I raised kids alongside stayed with her husband, and they all looked much better within a year or two of splitting-- in spite of financial devastation. It's not clear to me why so many women tend to ultimately experience their male partner as a burden, I add this message to say DON'T WORRY IF YOU DON'T FIND A MAN TO PARTNER WITH. You can still live a wonderful, fulfilling and complete life, including raising children.
I think alot of women settle for less than they deserve, and men have gotten used to that. I was married 30 years. Went out into the dating scene at 60. The world has changed but from what I am seeing, men do what they want and woman put up with it and with the advent of the internet its just one big NEXT!!!! If you hold out for a quality man, they are out there, just hope that you aren't so messed up from the users and abusers that you see one when you meet him. I went through alot of frogs.......
I agree. Some women are lucky to find that true friend that they can weather the storms with. Most are just so much work, for both men and women, and it is exhausting. I spent the last 15 years alone (went on 2 dates with 2 different guys, so not entirely alone, but both were instant leaches and caused stress because they wanted to steamroll forward) I have to admit I have been much, much happier single. However, I am watching this video because I am still hoping to one day change myself if need be or find that best friend for life. Ah well, still happier single lol.
Thanks for sharing. I'm a woman and have been single for the last 18 years, and also have never been married, My experience is that the problem is not the inner feeling like longing for a partner or needing someone. Rather more the pressure from the people around you. Some people litterally tend to pressure, humiliate and even discriminate you if you are a single woman. I like to go places and can confirm that quiet often, they look at you, as if you came there to rape their husband (or similar) just because you're single. I can undersstand why a lot of young women "grab their chance" and marry the first guy on offer, just so they can change their status, in order to be left in peace by the people. The problem is the mentality in the society- that needs to change.
Had 4 older brothers and no Dad, but my Mom told me as much as anyone about what to expect from boys growing up and she wasn't wrong, but men? I was on my own with that one. Regardless, the best advice about men I've ever gotten was from a book called "He's Just Not That Into You," by a guy named Greg Behrendt, which lays everything on the line in no uncertain terms and it was all the unvarnished, 100% truth. I can think of no better primer for any girl/woman who can't figure guys out and ends up getting hurt all the time by spending way, way, WAY too much of their time on the wrong ones (which 99% of them are, btw - there's a reason you only end up finding one or two of the good ones in your life, and that's because there's only ever that many who are actually for us. The rest are right for somebody else). If/when you do find the one for you you finally realize why the others ones didn't work out. Welcome to Real Life (this ain't no fairy tale, ladies) - and stop wasting your time waiting for Mr. Wrong to turn out to be Mr. Right after all, cuz it's never going to happen. In the meantime, live your own life, pursue your own interests, dreams, and goals, and spend your time on what grows YOU and makes YOU happy. You deserve it!
He’s Just Not That Into You was the defibrillator to my agonizing self-respect. 2 years later, I’m done with indecisive bums, and much better off for it :D
@@leamubiu Yep, "the defibriallor to my agonizing self-respect" pretty much covers it! 😂And, oh god, the whole hotcoldhotcoldhotcold phenomenon is just the worst. Like, if a dude really doesn't know or can't figure out what they want or if they want you, let them go waste someone else's time! Yours is too precious.
tell me about it. They discouraged me from regular friends too, all while our family life was fallen apart. Try to form any solid relationships in life at all growing up like that.
At 26, I realized men are not cut out for long term relationships and opted out of dating. Decided to use my best years earning a living and travelling instead of dating men. I have no regrets whatsoever many years later. You will never regret being single, you will regret wasting time on men with no self awareness. Update: I see men in the comments unable to comprehend how women can be happy single. Happy single is our default status. We gain little from being in relationships with men. We build community well.
If he really interested he will put the effort, it is just that simple. A real effort, not a love bombing and a gaslighting kind of effort. Make sure that words match actions.
Problem is my boundary is I want a guy to only want me. Even if we’re dating, I need to know how significant I am within his roster of women. Actually I don’t even want a man who has a roster. I want to be with someone who is 100% sure about me and me ONLY.
@@kristinej.4182me too.. do some people have… i don’t know more security within themself or what?? To not need that especially for physical intimacy? If I am unsure about the guy I hold part of myself back. It is very difficult to me
I was beautiful in my 20's, but my partner was always really critical of everything I did or wore. I had low self-esteem so I put up with it. I enjoy my single life now.
2:06 Option 3, if you can't stand out and don't want to fight for scraps: Bury the idea of being with someone. We can't all have fairytales, and it's a mature response to acknowledge that and stop allowing people to hurt you over and over again.
I think it's sad that people think being with someone else / having someone else complete you is what constitutes a fairytale life. Like I get we grew up reading stories and what not, but still. True happiness comes from within. I'd also argue that's where actual genuine love lies too. You _can_ have a very beautiful and fun life and be a powerhouse without a partner. I don't think most people realise that.
@@jordanferguson2254. We have ALL been programmed by Disney and Hollywood to expect a fairytale romance which is really a narcissistic relationship, not a healthy relationship.
Bern, thank you yet again. Your messages always resonate and I find myself saying, “Of course. Yes!” My father was verbally and emotionally abusive and otherwise not available. There was not one marriage in my family that I wanted for myself, b/c they all resembled that toxic dysfunction, so I learned what I didn’t want, but I didn’t know how to do healthy. 60-ish and still learning and grateful ☺️ I have more options and opportunities. Thank you ❤
Exactly the same. Emotionally abusive father. Three sisters are in horrible relationships that I don’t envy. Im in my 60’s and single but open to a healthy relationship. I know that is important to slow things down with a guy. Ive know this since 25 years old but just couldn’t meet a emotionally healthy guy.
thank you so much i didnt even learn i had boundaries until 34 then when i realized the failures of relationships came from just beginning in sex no friendship and the guys just would not give themselves completely to even see if it would work. Then i committed to the next relationship would be friends first and you know i failed again because they did not respect it and seduced then i realized it was wrong. Stand your ground ladies and teach your daughters boundaries standards & friendship is the key to find out if your even compatible and can communicate. Don't waste years with the wrong men, find your people.
Beautifully said and you echo exactly where I am in my life now. We as women, need to share our experiences and journey with younger women, so they step out into the world well rounded, adjusted, confident and conscious in their decision making.❤
Never take advice from men, as it only benefits them and their fellow man. I listen to older women and the best piece of advice they say is to decenter men. Live your life, travel, follow your dreams, and leave men on the back burner. Men do not love the way women do, so there is no loss on the men you will miss out on. Living alone with a cat is far better than having to lie to a man about how much we “need” them”. That is bs is to feed a man ego in hopes you will be codependent on him. And if you truly are codependent, that puts the man in a position to abuse you. Think smart and put yourself first ladies!
Definitely true. Older women like Natalie Clarice (50s), Fareen Ash (40), Chrissie (late 30s) etc. understand men better than they understand themselves and give you advice that is relatable and realistic because they are women themselves so they have had the same experiences and move in the same ways. I don't think men and women can ever truly understand the others' motives and goals. Look to women who have successful relationships with men and are treated the way you want to be treated - THEY are who you should be listening to. Male red pill commentators like Dr. Orion tell you to behave in ways that are beneficial to men - pursue them, ask them out, have sex early on - I mean what man wouldn't want that from women? But giving men what they want early on without effort is not the key to making them respect you long term. If you want to fish, ask a successful fisherman (older woman in a long-lasting successful relationship/marriage where she is prioritized and treated like a princess/queen) not an albacore. LOL
How it woould go if there would be no social support and no job waiting for a woman as they are created by system and government ? As I told it 25 years ago woman are rather wifes of system represented by government- their husband is only auxiliary servant in that family triangle where all essential decisions are made by woman and government who supports her. . Woman also decide to be in couple with government or eventualy with managers in their job place then they claim that they are single and independent..
@@chomama1628 yay victim blaming…. I can understand if I continue to allow the abuse but overall I am not responsible for someone’s actions. I cannot physically force someone to be good. I am responsible for how I respond.
Thank you for the video. Married and divorced an emotionally abusive control freak. I ignored the red flags and did everything said in the video. Everything changed on the wedding night. I realised that he was a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde character.
I don’t know. Life is such a throw of the dice. You are a guy ,You can walk away from everything and many do. Women have to think about the care of children. Also, So many of you guys think all women are desperate to have a man, we are not. We would like a good relationship, yes, but not desperate. When we women are young love is fun and we really care but once we get tied down to a man , many women just began to just feel used and so many men are insensitive robots in bed.
Well, here's the thing I'm a guy but I have two children I adore with all my heart so no, I can't just WALK AWAY from everything. Many men also feel the way I do. But I do understand the sentiment and the frustration you describe. My hope is that you find the balance between your own strength and the added magic that happens when you're with the right partner. Thank you for watching and for listening.
This is great. This same advice isn’t always delivered in such a positive way. There is a lot of bashing, blaming, and insulting on social media, and it’s far more damaging than helpful. This was a breath of fresh air.
Thank You... I have one question. Steve Harvey said men don't take breaks. When you take the time you need to have a serious relationship. He will allow the time you need to have a real connection with him, but during that time he's meeting his physical needs with plan B. Is that true?
I’ve never understood why I didn’t have more attention and dates as a young woman. I’ve asked my husband, and he had no light to shed. I was interested in a lot of guys, but always friend zoned. I met my husband, and he was the one, and we been together for 25 years, married nearly 24. 🤷🏼♀️ I wish I had more insight to give my daughter, but I don’t really understand the process. My husband was looking for someone with a brain. Does that mean most men aren’t? I hate to think that. 🤷🏼♀️
No, they are looking for someone younger or who have a higher position, money or status. I believe that men are social climbers more than women are. Women will marry a guy just for love, but men are always looking to upgrade while dating you. Women are used as stepping stones, a lot of times. Tell me I'm wrong.
@@deeandrews7051 That is plausible to me. I definitely wasn’t in the “cool tax bracket”. My husband and I went to a good university and boot strapped it.
You lucked out with him, but if you’re a good looking girl and you’re looking to date a good looking guy (obviously) most good looking young men are ego-ists so it’s rough out there.
I disagree, as a man. I have waited for women in the past, and they lost respect for me by doing so. It's not in a man's interest to wait, even if he is a good man and can wait, as generally women lose respect for men if the think they're weak. The key to successful relationships is to do a lot of personal development and heal whatever traumas we have, then, as a result of this inner work, we become much more emotionally mature and mentally balanced. This will make us more noticed by high quality potential partners (but also attract still lower vibe people too)
I'm sorry you had the experience of waiting for sex and a woman losing respect for you. There are nuances to this and communication is key. And yes healing yourself is part of what allows you to connect with a healed human.
Bern -question .. Aren’t we ladies actually saying we need a man when we want to be with him 💁♀️ date him. Or do we actually have to say it out loud 🤔 I’m confused on this 🤦🏼♀️
Hi Claire, Great question! Many men and women date with the stance of "It's ok if I have a partner, but I don't need one." And I'm not talking about dependence or co-dependence here. The high societal emphasis on individualism has falsely (in my view) convinced many that intimacy is a "nice to have" vs. a deep necessity for rich meaning in life. Hope this helps.
@BernMendez After years of being a solo parent and taking care of myself and my family alone, I've come to the conclusion that having a partner is the cherry on the cake. Do I want intimacy? Yes, more than anything. Do I need affection? Absolutely! Am I willing to give up my freedom and put up with drama? No way! So until I meet the right person, I'm not going to commit just to anyone. So the search continues for the man who will help me to relinquish control and let him take care of things for a change instead of me doing everything myself. Am I understanding you correctly?
Sorry, but nothing sends me off faster than the flash clips of images of people unrelated to the video people. It’s annoying and distracting and sadly seems to be popular with so many American RU-vidrs.
If your inlaws are calling you names - that's abuse. If your inlaws are trying to control you - that's abuse. If your inlaws are trying to shame you - that's abuse. If your inlaws are trying to manipulate you - that's abuse. If your inlaws are trying to get you to comply to their version of the world versus understanding that you have your own right to have your version of the world - that's abuse. Do not try to tell yourself that this will take care of itself, because it won't. It will only get worse if you don't put a Stop to it. (Bernardo Mendez) Subbed!! And thank you so much.
Hmmm. So many guys are injuried from previous relationships including from their parents and that goes for the gals too. I'm legally married working on getting divorced because my husband bent himself to my requirements of going to church and hymnal music and whatever are my preferences during our dating time. I didn't catch it. My whole marriage feels like a lie. I became dead in the marriage because I didn't feel love. I'm past the age of having kids. He didn't give me his time unless it roatated around him. It is quite sad really. I feel like my life was stolen from me. However I was too stupid and beleive his lies towards me. Sad. Now I have the rest of my life to get on. Hopefully G-d has something meaningful for me.
@@BernMendez absolutely. Also it is very difficult to give a concise summary when many years are involved. I do beleive in healing. I'm doung the work. Amazingly I have a very good counsoler who is also a good match for me. I've been working with her since 12\1\2020 and there are ups and downs, however I'm seeing net positive growth. Also it helps a lot when you find your tribe.
Baby you need understand that your dad has a big trauma in his childhood . If he still alive ask him about his parents . We usually take model from our parents . Your dad tried his best to grow you. I’m not justified him here . I just wanna help you overgrow your trauma and forgive your dad. It’s not easy. But you need it if you wanna meet your lovely man
I like telling him how you feel vs other guys' channels saying things like "always be a mystery, even when you're married" or a guy who has to chase every waking minute. I want a healthy relationship, not a coomer.
My brother is an a**hole. He doesn’t give a shit about my (relationship-) life. I know you’re a good guy because this is what you would teach your sister 🫶🏻
@@BernMendez Bern, he really is a special case of self centered… anyhow… just took your test & watched the video and man, it brought me to tears I felt so seen. I guess we’re all fools in love (before learning your stuff anyhow… 😉) still sitting to take notes right now… maybe I’ll talk to you soon 🙂
Thank you wish i had a father to tell me this after a 18 year loveless marriage. I realise now we both did not have the greatest role models - we both didnt know anthing about healthy relationships. Ive decised to stay single and travel. Thank you for this ❤
I had never listened to you before.. I so needed it. . I just left a 2 1/2 year relationship. He was controlling.. I use to say to him too Gruff. Also didn't like my only son. Found out last nite I cried so much and I asked God for help and guess what I get your info and Ace my regular his advice said exactly what I needed to hear.. You talk very calm I like that ..
@@BernMendez It's okay. I'm simply not cut out for men. All this agression and constant competitiveness, making everything a pissing contest is not my cup of tea.
We need this taught in school. Free styling relationships causes trauma and withdrawal- instead of abortion laws we should teach men how to be good kind considerate family men
Boundaries destroyed me, I thought this guy was the best,told me he would wait until I was ready, had no sex until I married him three years later, what a confusing honeymoon he wasn't able to perform, I spent thirty years trying to help myself.
I need a big brother...thank you. Greatly appreciated. They say I intimidate them. I demand TRUTH and they know it! And I will Not accept lies or manipulation! Leaves me lonely every time. I also am VERY Spiritual...good karma and face my fears and Know REALITY!!! I may be a tiny lady...IAM not an IDIOT!!! Catch them everytime! Too good looking and make them nervous??? Wtf is that...please explain this to me BIG BROTHER??? Please....cause Iam at a Liss...men say they want a good woman - but they REALLY do NOT!???...they can not be Vulnerable...scare sthe CRAP outta them!?;)...too many abused them...afraid to do this...I understand..but.. c'mon! Grow up MEN! Face your FEARS, take a chance!!! My perspective....from YEARs of this... Much Love and Light, Peace and Unity Brothers and Sisters ..Iam a walking lie detector...scares the CRAP out of people! Iam a damn FINE woman that knows my WORTH! Are there any damn fine MEN out there??? ( who know THEIR WORTH?) Where the f ...Are you??? We ARE WORTHY...do NOT SETTLE for ANYTHING Less....you DESERVE better! Much love
Your ability to articulate why and how we as women need to communicate our needs and establish our clear boundaries is really second to none. There are a LOT of videos on healthy relationships … feminine / masculine energy…. self worth and boundaries …. but yours really are the best of the best. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge for free on this platform! I continue to learn and it’s really valuable! Ty again 🙏🏼
YOU FORGOT TO MENTION SOME WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO BE MARRIED AND STAY SINGLE AND INDEPENDENT, I WAS SURPRISED YOU OMMITED THIS PART YOU DISAPPOINTED ME TOTALLY !!!!!!!!!
I have a boyfriend that is manipulative and a bit controlling and I told him that he is but he says that he is not so we had a child together and he have been much more controlling telling me how to raise the child and don't want me to go anywhere and if I do I get anxiety afraid that he will curse me . And also he doesn't want me have guy friends but he can have girl who are friends .he is 12 years older than me . I feel like I don't have a life of my own but around him and him only . I need advice
My Dear Shane, please get expert help. There are support groups in most cities addressing emotional abuse which seems to be what you're going through. As a starting point you can visit: www.crisistextline.org/topics/emotional-abuse/#what-is-emotional-abuse-1
I enjoyed your post. Like a lot of women who commented, I have had bad times when it comes to men...but to be completely real, I chose not to deal with the trauma from that very first long term relationship--and I carried it along with me for way too long. I allowed it to colour my view of life--and romance. It took over 20 years for me to realize that I didn't WANT that anymore. I had to get real with myself and to allow myself to actually look back. To remember. To deal with it. To cry. To truly pick up the pieces and then let them go. And to move forward. I have been single for almost two years now--by choice--as I become the woman I was always meant to be. I am so happy right now. And I am getting to the place where I believe I am open to the next step of letting a man--a healthy man--back into my life. At 52 though...things are so different!!! Wow! My next step is to push my comfort zone and to get out more. My life needs to be more than home, work and being a Mom. I guess that means I have some more lessons to learn! Thank you for taking the time to create and post your videos. I will have to go and check out more of your content.
For those of you who think your single because there is something wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with you, what is meant for you will happen, good or bad, there are many people are complete basket cases and in relationships, other have all their shit together and are not. It’s karmic, it’s either meant for you or it isn’t, let God guide you and stop looking, it will happen when it’s the right time.
Everything leaves a mark. I have have suffered so much. He’s been gone but the words still echo. I am a positive person but I need to seek help for the trauma of 40 years or I will be nothing I am meant and made to be for who God intended for me. Sometimes I think God is protecting him from me :( Sometimes I think that I’ve been damaged too much to heal, but I know that’s not true that’s where hurt lies to me. Then I also counter that with what I wanna blame him like what took you so long and you’re the reason I hurt so much and I’m in debt lol I’m just kidding I have to laugh about things
If I guy trying to manipulate you that's abuse and you need to stop it because emotional hurt is hurt more than physical ones so stop boundaries Don't let him control you if he is trying to do it there is no love
So sorry to read the comments from women who have lost trust in men. There are many good men. We women also need to be the woman we want to be. Be a whole person and whole men will find you. PS. My husband and I will be celebrating our 49th anniversary in a few months. Proof ❤…
Carl Jung said " A woman who is still single is just smarter than everyone else." Another favorite quote is "we allow ourselves the kind of love we think we deserve" from movie "Perks of being a Wallflower". Bernado may be certain that every woman can find their mate and live happily ever after if they just follow his advice, but there are some kinds of lovers we should not settle for, and there are many things worse than being single a little while longer, in fact being single can be a fairly blessed state of being. I didn't find my life partner until after I had realized that even if I never found someone I would want to marry, I could still live happily ever after, because I liked myself enough to enjoy my own company. Until I realized that, I was not ready for a life mate to come into my life, because I was too needy and would have chased him off. We are celebrating 25 years married this fall.
Great video. Also important to know about is attachment styles and understanding your own. Once you do this your relationships, not just romantic, will start to make a lot of sense.
Seek Jesus Christ first, and everything else will be given to you . God has a kingdom spouse out there for us all Key is to put God first. GOD'S PEACE LOVE LIGHT AND TRUTH TO US ALL 💕🩸✝️🕊️🦁🔥🌹👑🦅🗝️
I agree - a good man both can and will wait with physical intimacy if asked to. However, women think they know what they want but often don’t think about the consequences of getting what they want. Women say they want a man to show his emotions, but when he does, they will lose respect for him and consider him weak. He is no longer the stable stoic rock they look to for emotional stability. If she doesn’t outright leave him, it is weaponized against him later. This is why men learn quickly to never truly open up for emotions. So, giving women the advice to look for emotions in a man is perhaps not the best idea, but I understand what you mean: men should be able and willing to talk about what makes them tick - otherwise, there is something wrong. As a coach, you can no doubt smile at some of the following paradoxical observations (does not apply to all women of course): [1] Women want a man to have ambitions and be a hard worker, but then they don’t like the other side of the coin: when he is not at home spending time with her. [2] Women want a man to be rich, but don’t realize that such a man is unlikely to splurge money away like they think - you don’t get rich by spending money like there is no tomorrow. [3] Women want a famous man, but then cannot handle all the attention he gets from other beautiful women. [4] Women want a man without close female friends, but call it controlling when he wants her to have no close male friends (she is correct: it is controlling, but so are her demands). [5] Women want accountability in men, and when they get it, he is considered boring and they will leave him for a more exciting man. [6] When women ask for an honest option and they get one, they often consider it rude if it is not what they want to hear. [7] Women don’t want a jealous man, as that is seen as a lack of trust, but if he isn’t jealous, she gets upset because it means he doesn’t care - you cannot win either way 🙂. [8] Women want a man with a sense of humor, but then discover that he is not serious enough for their liking: “Life is not a joke”. [9] Some women want a strong decisive leader, but when they get one, they feel no longer in power and may pick a fight over every single issue to show that they are the one in charge. Relationships are not easy, but as a man, I wish more women reflected on the above paradoxes before getting into a relationship they think they want 🙂
not paradox- a good woman would want balance, like a good woman herself brings balance with her. while i understand what you are saying, you are mixing up many things eg mixing emotions with a weak complainer. mixing jealousy or possessiveness with control. a good woman will also have no qualms in not having close guy friends in return for no girl friends for the man. While a famous man can get other’s attention, it is the self-control n restraint in a man she wants. So honestly it is very easy to do a lot of the things that u say women want while striking a balance.
I agree with lots of what you said, but hash has it right. We want balance! You are also referring to younger women. When we get a bit older, we are able to compromise and communicate more. I appreciate the little things more than I did when I was young. I don't take things for granted. I got rid of my male friends, while my last boyfriend decided to keep his female friends, and cheat on me with one of them! It takes a mature person to understand why we shouldn't keep any temptations around! This means, if a coworker or friend seems attractive to you ...stay as far away as possible! When a woman asks if a dress makes her look fat, tell her that she has more flattering clothes. If she gets mad, tell her not to ask, if she doesn't want an honest opinion! I am honest, but diplomatic about how I give a not so good opinion. Lol
@@MegaMisfit138 Yes, I agree, if both parties are balanced and mature there wouldn’t be any issues. The listed issues were meant humorously, and not meant to be taken as actual unsolvable issues.
@@hashh2019 Yes, I agree. The listed issues were meant as humor, and not as unsolvable paradoxes. If we are talking about mature balanced people, these are not issues, e.g., a man showing balanced emotions is okay.
Just about every point you made is about balance and nuance. For example, a man with a sense of humor is a good thing. However, if we are having problems or I need to talk to him about something serious and he refuses to stop cracking jokes, that is not going to work. I think this would be a problem for him with everyone in his life, not just women. There is a time to be playful and there is a time to be serious. The problem is that balance is difficult for most people. Most people tend to go from one extreme to the other.
That’s why divorce lawyers are rich, MEN WANT THEIR FREEDOM We end up ruining our lives My parents wanted me to be married at 15 I’m glad I told my father off before he died, am glad he is gone
My husband wanted and expected control over all aspects of our lives. The areas where he miscalculated me were: (his poor) money management, lying/truthful communication, my self-respect, and proper respectful parenting. When he began to cross my boundaries in these 4 key areas and threatened me with divorce, I said: "Yes, we should divorce". He miscalculated when he thought he could simply threaten me to "get me back in line". He also had a rude awakening when the divorce did NOT play out the way he assumed it would. The judge saw exactly who he was, and ruled in my favor on everything.
Thank you for all of this. Thank you, especially, for explaining that emotional abuse is equally damaging as physical abuse. I’ve had years of repercussions from a 20-year relationship filled with manipulation, control, and…let’s call it what it is…emotional and psychological abuse. I’m finally remembering who I am and having the guts to grow strong and be authentically, unapologetically me again.
Emotional abuse doesn't break your arm. Physical abuse is psychological. All abuse is horrible. Just saying as an abuse survivor, Emotional, physical and sexual.
1) Yes, wholeheartedly, WAIT to be intimate. Start with building a friendship and foundation & only then incorporate physical intimacy. There's a reason that platitudes like "Why buy the cow...." have been around for so long. But beyond that, if you dive in hot and heavy, its likey to die out just as quickly. It's called limerence, not love. The issue is while they may say they will be patient and give you as much time as you need, they may very well be out having sex with other women while they are being "patient" with you. Always listen to your higher self and God given instincts. 3) I'd like to add to this that it helps to build upon the vulnerability and non-physical attraction (mental, spiritual) by engaging in unique activities and adventures together. If he is not interested in taking bike rides together, going to the zoo, hiking, ice skating, watching a play together, etc. then he's not interested in investing his time and heart in a long-term relationship. These are the things that are going to set you apart from just being a "date". These are the things that will build the foundation, that you will both remember yrs from now when the honeymoon phase is over and you are now arguing over stupid things. You'll never get to this phase if you don't build upon the friendship part first. 7) is the most important. Deep self love. If you don't have this prior to getting into a relationship, then you can't expect someone else to respect, consider & love you. And, by loving you and your current life all on your own, independent of anyone else, if something were to fail or not turn out how you had hoped, you will be OK. Because you have the confidence and security to be better than ok all by yourself. ❤
There are so many channels telling us to set boundaries. However, no one explains how to say it correctly or when to bring it up. Can I just type out a list and have him check yes or no and return it to me in the self addressed envelope? As you can tell, I don't know how to say what I want or won't do without sounding demanding or too harsh. I don't want to scare them away but I don't know when or how to approach and talk about the subject of boundaries.
That last tip is really how you start and everything else will follow You must radiate the love frequency in order to do that you must fall in love with yourself daily then you will be able to see how Tip 6 draining verbal abuse is Tip 5 how loving you creates an environment for raw emotions to be shared between you both. Tip 4 and 3 loving you creates boundaries subconsciously and you follow them ruthlessly Tip 1 Ties back to tip 7 when your vibrating love becoming it , you will draw quality men to you as well as lustful men the difference is you will recognize the difference energetically no matter what your flesh wants. You will learn the art of listening and the art of silence then you will learn what true love is. You’ll realize you can’t chase what your already ARE You can’t long for something you already possess With every encounter, people become a part of us Like a river let it all flow together. Then you will find freedom and peace.
