7 Reasons Why We Avoid Intimacy 

I don't like being here before the people who do the timestamps

0:43 Rejection and Engulfment 1:32 Fear of abandonment 2:20 Avoidant personality disorder 3:05 Childhood sexual abuse 3:44 Previous abuse 4:43 Parental neglect 5:49 Separation and overdependence

I don't avoid intimacy, I just don't wanna weird her out or make her feel uncomfortable. Edit: I have genuine feelings towards someone and I dunno what to do about it. I hate myself for having emotions.

Communication is key. See, that's the thing. No one wants to communicate anymore. We'd rather just pull away and avoid talking about what's bothering us.

1.Rejection and engulfment 2.Fear of abandonment 3.Avoidant personality disorder 4.Childhood sexual abuse 5.Previous abuse 6.Parential negligence (Fearful Avoidant Attachment) 7.Separation and overdependence

0:43 1. Rejected And Engulfment 1:31 2. Fear Of Abandonment 2:19 3. Avoident Personality Disorder 3:10 4. Childhood Sexual Abuse 3:44 5. Previous Abuse 4:42 6. Parental Neglect 5:49 7. Separation And Over Dependence

1-. Rejection and engulfment (00:43) 2-. Fear of abandonment (01:30) 3-. Avoidant personality disorder (02:19) 4-. Childhood SA (03:10) 5-. Previous abuse (03:44) 6-. Parental neglect (04:42) 7-. Separation and overdependence (05:49)

+Psych2GoTv *Thanks for the list of contraindications for intimacy:* 0:42 (1) Rejection and/or engulfment 1:31 (2) Fear of abandonment 2:19 (3) Avoidant personality 3:09 (4) Sexual abuse in childhood 3:44 (5) Previous abuse 4:42 (6) Parental neglect 5:48 (7) Separation and overdependency

0:43 - rejection and engulfment 1:31 - fear of abandonment 2:19 - avoidant personality disorder 3:10 - TW; childhood s**ual ab*se 3:43 - TW; previous ab*se 4:42 - parental neglect 5:48 - separation and over dependence hopefully i got all the points right… anyways have a great dayy 💗💗

0:45 Rejectiion and engulfment. 1:32 Fear of abandonment. 2:19 Avoidant personality disorder. 3:10 Childhood SA. 3:44 Previous abuse. 4:43 Parental neglect. 5:49 Separation and overdependence.

1. Fear of rejection 2. Fear of abandonmemt 3. Avoident personality disorder 4. Childhood sexual abuse 5. Previous abuse 6. Parental neglect 7. Separation and overdependance Ngl I have some of these and Insecure of my kinks and thinking they will abandon or laugh at me

it hurts when kids at school say things like “you’re not funny”, “EW”, “I don’t even know you”, or “no one likes you”. Like bro I’m a person too and when they say that kind of thing because you can’t really fight back especially when they’re popular.

all this is me. im an avoidant, i crave intimacy but i avoid it completely. i had such a lovely partner and i never questioned their love for me, yet i was still so afraid of being dumped, or lied to. I had trouble trusting, even though they deserved all my trust. it ruined our relationship and they fell in love with their friend a few months in, but didn’t tell me til much later (december 2022) and i was so heartbroken i stopped taking care of myself. I haven’t spoken to him in a month and I feel so lonely, and so much regret and guilt. i wish i saw these videos before we began dating

It’s sad to see so many people relate to these points (including myself) but I truly hope being aware of it is enough for people to want to try and change those behaviors. That’s what I’m going to try and do ❤

When you hit me with the "Is extremely avoidant to intimacy but is simultaneously craving it", I damn near spat out my drink. That was such a stellar explanation of how ill have been feeling in closer friendships

Summary with timestamps 😄😄 0:43 rejection and engulfment 1:31 fear of abandonment 2:19 avoidant personality disorder 3:07 childhood sexual abuse 3:44 previous abuse 4:42 parental neglect 5:48 seperation and overdependence

0:43 Rejection and Engulfment 1:31 Fear of Abandonment 2:19 Avoidant Personality Disorder 3:10 Childhood Sexual Abuse 3:44 Previous Abuse 4:43 Parental Neglect 5:49 Separation and Overdependence

I was just telling my friends today that I'm afraid I'll never have a romantic relationship bc of my disorganized attachment and fears regarding vulnerability. I grew up with parents who were verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful, leading me to believe as an adult that I am not allowed to have needs and be comforted. Yet, I crave that closeness and comfort in a partner. I don't have a very close relationship with my parents anymore, and tend to rely most on three friends, two I've known since elementary school, and one I met my freshman year of college 3 years ago. But even then, I don't even rely on them emotionally that often, bc even platonic emotional intimacy is hard for me.

0:43 - Rejection and engulfment 1:31 - Fear of abandonment 2:19 - Avoidant Personality Disorder 3:04 - [Trigger Warning !] - Childhood sexual abuse 3:44 - Previous abuse 4:42 - Parental neglect 5:48 - Separation and overdependence

I know both my parents have extreme trauma from their youth, and it has affected the way they were able to bond with me. Growing up I was kind of resentful of them because I didn't understand that they tried to protect me from themselves. Now as an adult, even though I struggle with an extreme fear of intimacy, I realize that they are just people too. They tried their best to not be the way that their parents were, but trauma tends to come out under stress and push through our filters. I no longer blame them, and I am doing my best to push past those barriers intentionally, even when it feels unbearable. Growing is hard...

I'm autistic and rarely do i ever find that i feel the pull or need for people let alone intimacy, while it is a spectrum, i've always felt like it affected that part of the spectrum as it's not something i get a pull for, while i have dated it was usually more because i felt like i had to to fit in and not because i wanted to.. if i'm honest i really wish i hadn't.

I don’t do hugs and kisses on the cheeks, even with family. I don’t even remember my mother hugging or kissing me as a child which is why I felt awkward as an adult when people would hug or touch me. My mom even told me when I was young that she tried to have me removed when she was carrying me as she had me when she was very young. I remember how devastated I felt when she told me that. My dad also didn’t do hugs. I guess this is the reason I became an asexual and standoffish amongst people and friends. Thanks for your videos, I’ve learned so much from them ❤

I have a fear of being abandonned, that impact my relationships. *So I chose the most independant girlfriend* : she can disappear for a week, not answering to texts and calls for days, come suddenly and leave quickly. Despite of the apparences, we have our sweet and kind moments, of kisses and hugs. Believe me, it helped me a lot. It told me how to respect personnal freedom of others, and how to "stop caring" about everything. It's not because they dislike you, it's because they need their time, their activities, their space, etc... You have to let them go free, and it will free you, and teach you trust and stop worrying.

This woman's voice is the audio equivalent of baby powder. So soothing. I could listen to it all day.

I avoid people altogether. I only have contact with them when I absolutely have to, and I still get lonely too when I'm alone alot.

Man this hit too close to home.. Especially when the fearful-avoidant attachment style was brought up

I'd like to see a video about having a relationship with someone who can't communicate their feelings, thankyou

I’m not scared of showing emotions or being myself around people I trust, in general. But I get uncomfortable and embarrassed whenever I picture myself being emotionally romantically intimate with someone. I fear intimacy a lot if I think about the person I am, how I behave, and how people perceive me. It must be a self esteem issue at this point

I can relate to a lot of these. The way my parents raised me made me submissive and as a result i have a hard time standing up for myself when i should. That in turn led to me being sexualy abused by a relative when i was 5 and it continued for a long time over the course of my time living with my family. I was only ever in 1 relationship, and she was very supportive of my problems. She was the only one interested in sex between the 2 of us but she always made it clear that i didn't have to agree and do it just because she was the one asking and that i had a choice to say no if i didn't want to or didn't feel like it at the time. Even then most of the time we had to stop because i would get panic attacks. The few times i managed to get through without a panic attack were fine, but i didn't really enjoy it like most people would. She passed away several years ago and i value the time i spent with her more than anything else in my life. She was the 1 person i knew who truly cared to get to know me and understand me rather than try to control me and force me to be something i'm not. I may never be capable of having a normal relationship due to my long history of abuse and trauma but i am grateful for the experience of knowing someone who actually cares and understands.

Fighting depression again to type that I appreciate this channel. Thanks for everything

I don't avoid it. It avoids me. Big difference

A lot of my friendship experiences lead to just being hurt in the end, when I open up to them or when I just do a tiny slip up and do something wrong. They use stuff against me or find something "hilarious" with me and I become a laughing stock. I've been so cautious to avoiding relationships. Currently, I have a couple of relationships over the years where I end up sharing or venting stuff, and they were still supportive of me after. I treasure them so much and I'm glad I met them.

My parents separated, Both my mom and father abused verbally of me when I was growing up, now I'm 19 and I want to have connections with others, but I simply believe that I am not enough for that, that I'm not worthy of that. I simply cannot bring the strength to tell other people that I would like to spend more time with them, even when I really want to.

This is so sad. My ex was like this, it ended because she didn't feel it was fair and that she isn't good for relationships.

Getting close with people would be easier for me if they didn't get offended when i spend my free time alone. Everyone understands being unable to eat ice cream infinitely, but with relationships its always "more is better", zero tolerance for introverts.

I crave intimacy, but also reject/am afraid of it. The first time when anyone got close enough to me in that manner, she touched my thigh and I started shaking uncontrollably. I felt so horrible that I wanted to cry and almost did. She just spent the rest of the time comforting me. Someone has to spend days with me, getting me relaxed enough before they can even touch me, not even in a sexual way, just touching at all. I only dated a handful of times in high school. It's been decades since and I have not dated since.

This video by the end of it got me thinking about my current view towards being in a relationship that I'm not a fan of but have a hard time believing it will change: I feel that I would want to be in a relationship again, but I fear that I'll never be able to 100% trust someone to be fully vulnerable and honest with them without being doubtful, and so I don't think a relationship could realistically work out for me. I crave intimacy/affection- both romantically and sexually but primarily romantically, and I would love to love someone and be loved by them in return while not being fearful of showing vulnerability, but because of the way people generally are these days as a whole I feel like what I want is unrealistic- so for now, I might be closed off to a relationship. I just haven't found someone that I can 100% fully trust like that yet...

I think i have fear of abandonment... And intimacy and being expressive really makes me uncomfortable

I avoid intimacy because of two major reasons not explained in the video: 1. Divorce Rates by other people (including my own parents) 2. Many people annoy me and are high maintenance with little consideration. So it's not fear or dependency or even anxiety... it's having to deal with people having these issues, and not knowing what is truly within them.

I wish everyone struggling with this the best.

First i saw it said why we should avoid intimacy..😭 well, honestly that's what my mind is telling me. Trust no one and focus on urself

i always avoid intimacy with anybody because i don't know how to behave. for as long as i can remember i've always been alone without friends, so when i was a child i didn't know exactly what was it like to have friendships, and i recognize that this is giving several bothers because i try to open up with friends, classmates ecc but at the end i feel anxious and take a step back resulting fake for many people :/

I'm not avoiding intimacy, I'm terrified of it. I dont want the same thing to happen again.

My love language is physical for sure. I’m a man of few words so I think cuddling is just naturally the best option.

I cannot stand intimacy. When someone hugs or heck just tries to hug me I literally pull away from them.

I know you've done videos about it before, but an 8th reason could just simply be "asexuality/aromanticism and introversion." A 9th reason which CAN be closely linked with anxiety, but is now MUCH more wide spread because we've all just spent the last three years in pandemic lockdown...germaphobia. Many people, myself included, refuse to shake hands, fist-bump or hug anyone unless we're wearing multiple thick layers of clothing out of fear of catching a virus. And while before 2020 this was seen as a strange neurotic behavior...the pandemic has shown us all that it can in fact be a vital survival mechanism. I, having both of the above all my life, was basically primed to live through a pandemic.

I avoid intimacy because the last time I opened up to someone and felt like a relationship is coming, they waged psychological warfare on me and kept me hung up and at the edge of suicidality and madness for over 4 years. I’ve still got a long road to recover enough from this have anything resembling being okay again. Because if someone does this shit to me again, I’m dead. Or worse, I will retaliate for such psychological and emotional manipulation. People tell you to move on . . . But then everywhere you go, it’s like that person’s calling out to you. You see stuff everywhere that reminds you of them. And it’s not just random, it’s deliberate. It’s TOO direct with what you’re feeling and where you are. It’s a form of witchcraft meant to keep people obsessed and hung up. I hope she feels validated, and that she can change and accept having been a horrible person and a witch for punishing me for loving her and struggling to do it in a way that was adequate for her. And I hope she can rectify her character without it killing her. But she needs to know, she’s basically guilty of attempted murder among other things. She tried to drive me insane and get me to commit suicide. That’s unacceptable.

I want intimacy, but no one wants me. I’m caring, gentle, nice, but it never seems to be enough and I’m tired.

I have reactive attachment disorder. It's never been treated when I was a kid, so it's chronic. I also have C-ptsd, rejection sensitive dysphoria and a general fear of abandonment. You can imagine how many mixed feelings that brings and how many internal battles that causes. I've had years of therapy but that didn't help a ton. In fact, it got worse. I have however been in a relationship for 3 years now. It's also the first one I've ever had. I am very lucky to have such a patient and understanding boyfriend. I could never find anyone like him ever again. And I'm glad that I got the guts to try and keep working on my issues. They're really big though. It hinders a lot of our intimacy.

The worst part about this is not being able to speak up, because you are afraid of making the person upset or sad. But trust me, it gets better ❤️

I’m not really afraid of anything, I’m just very avoidant because I feel like people who try to show me love are just faking it. What I’m trying to say is that I feel unlovable, I talk to people more than a normal inteovert probably but it really takes a lot of time for me to even openly call you my friend, if you force it upon me I will just smiley like I’m insane and be quiet lmfao

i always like to give hugs to people but i do know when not to hug people since not everyone likes hugs

I came into this video and before I even watched the thought that occurred to me was " If I don't get close they can't judge me where I'll care."😑😑😑

Well when you have entire generations being raised more by the school system than their parents. When children, teens and young adults are constantly told to live in fear of/hate each other and themselves for thinking otherwise. Well, it's little wonder we have no concept of how to actually make relationships worth fighting for work, friendships, business relationships, romantic relationships. All of it, most are still playing catch-up with reality and finding real inner peace, well into their late 20's and even into our thirties.

I'm sure I haven't lost my first kiss for the matters in this video. I simply can't, I can't love peacefully. I fear being hurt and hurting others so much that things often related to "dating" are things I deeply avoid. I can't even hug my male friends because it's associated with romance and partners more than when I hug my female friends. I feel uneasy at this point and that's why I searched for this video. I want to isolate myself but I wouldn't bare to do this again..

I avoid it simply because I’m afraid of it. Been single for quite some time already, got used to rejection and being alone. It’s so natural that even the slightest idea of any kind of intimacy ends up with panic attacks. This and a few more reasons to say alone at least for now

Where's that one champ with the summarised list ;_;

Pure logic: It's never been worth it in the past and there's no reason to think that it could ever be worth it in the future.

I have a fear of abandonment. I was abandoned twice. Once in real life and once on the Internet.

I've been going through Fearful-avoidant attachment for the past 7 years and it's just been getting worse. It makes me feel like a bad friend because I want to hang out so bad but as soon as I make plans I start to panic and it feels like the time counting down till the hang out is like a pillow suffocating me

Watching this video make me know myself better. I always feel uncomfortable when someone touches me. I could tell when someone purposely or accidentally touch me but I tend to panicked when someone kept on touching me especially my parents. I hate it so much! I even feel scared sometimes and I could still remember my thoughts are like:” I don’t want to talk to anyone ever again. Why can’t they give me space and leave me alone? I just want to calm down and stay away from everyone” I remembered that I was extremely depressed and anxious while thinking that several times but why does it kept on happening?

I watched this twice... I've known that I struggle with abandonment and avoidance but this really put it in to perspective for me as to why. Thank you.

On the surface I may seem like I don't want intimacy, but below I really do. I just want to feel the warmth of a hug again after like 10 months, but the waterfall of self doubts and negative thoughts in my mind kill me a little every day. I'm afraid of coming off as weird or something. "Could you relate to any of these points?" I relate to the entire video (well except for the abuse parts but I relate to the behaviors), I can't stop thinking about just being close with someone both physically and emotionally, but at the same time any attempt at a casual conversation is so stressful and scary to do that I end up just not doing it and regretting it afterwards. I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this cuz I can't imagine it's for long.

29 year old guy here, whos never had sex. Many have told me "get a prostitute" or "i'll hook you up with someone" but i have to turn them down. I cant allow myself to do that. Cause I'll probably fall in love with the first person i peg.

me just here wondering why i get scared or accidentally have a reflex to punch someone when they touch me

I don't avoid intimacy, intimacy avoids me

I've said it before and trust me, I am not here to judge. Based on the observations and experience I've had with parents, it's their fault I am not getting married. I simply believe it's a disappointment on how I was treated and how the interacted when I needed them the most in my childhood. I am simply not getting married or into a relationship. It's been hard finding someone to trust and who's willing to be mature both physically and emotionally. With all the sexual assault I have experienced, it was hard for me to open up about the bully with my parents, because simply... they were too busy or anoyed. My mom constantly gasighted me whenever it came to my dad. She always blamed the arguments that were going around the house.

Ive been diagnosed with AVPD. The worst part of it is that there isn't anything I want more in the world other then being in a loving relationship like I'm desperate, but I'm absolutely too terrified to do anything about it. It's a major source of my depression. I dont understand why and it effects more then just relationships but work too.

That bit about "fearing your caregiver" as a child speared me right in the heart then exploded. I'd thought I'd gotten past that. Clearly, after all this time, it hasn't quite left.

i find it weird of how i badly wants to be intimate with someone but i dont want sex at all despite being normal and straight. i mean , i just wanna sleep with girls but yes just a sleep. i long for the feeling to sleep beside someone , cuddles , hugs or hair rubs. i dont even bother asking someone's nude photos , all i asked is nude souls . i want to get to know her souls , i want to see her flaws but still love her , i want to see her good side so i can compliment and appreciate her but its kinda impossible these day. im 28 this year and still never gotten any girlfriends , i dont have any friends either. used to have lot of online friends but now im back alone again. my parents dead , my sibling are such a bully and mentally killing me. i dont have any friends since i always at home doing chores and taking care of cats and houses. one day this loneliness will kills me for real. thats why i craves for intimacy.

It's interesting when I went into this video thinking I wouldn't find myself in any of these scenarios, but one of them really spoke out to me.

I know that my parents have definitely messed up myself. I’ve dealt with the emotional and mental abuse. And been treated like my decision to move out with my new partner was a bad idea. They don’t know he’s my partner, and it’s better that way. I did what was best for me. I couldn’t do that whole what’s best for the family thing because I knew that was already damaged and gone. I’m on month three since moving out, and my partner is trying to help me through my stuff. I’m aware it’s frustrating to him and he understands why i am the way i am. I finally have someone actually letting me be myself and not ridiculing me. I’ve even had my life threatened a couple times when i was about 20 (27.5 now). Biggest thing was dad unknowingly basically giving my mom permission to continue to abuse me. I’ve even told my partner i expect him to react certain ways because that’s what I’m used to. He doesn’t though, thankfully

Scared of getting emotionally hurt again (I remember being rejected and EVERYthing felt hollow for months after that ), I've gotten so used to "self pleasure" that sustaining anything with the real thing is problematic, either I get soft cause its no the specific stimulation I want or fear of being judged, aaaaaaand I have snoring issues. Which no one is going to sleep next to.

F*CK. Every so often RU-vid shows me videos from this channel and I end up learning I have some kind of screw loose. Man.. if I’m clingy, overprotective, have trust issues, social anxiety, depression and heart problems due to stress at the age of 20 I might as well just say I’m gonna f*ckin die soon. I just can’t believe I’m such a weak little baby… but it makes sense ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I live and get attached way too hard, so I constantly have to keep myself in check. It sucks

Yep Parents divorced Fear of abandonment I need my own independence however I am still weaning off being dependent on others, never too late to try ^_^

I have a hard time with emotional relationships, and tend to avoid them. It's just that I don't know what I can or can't do, and I get really unsure, and start questioning my own actions before I do them, until I just go back to being a roomrat and avoid the world until I'm ready for next wave of social anxiety and literally never learning.

I often avoid intimacy with anyone, even my own mother. I love hugs, kisses, holding hands, and whatnot. But at the same time, I hate it. It icks me even though I'm a touchy person. I don't understand it myself. But I'm okay with my boyfriend touching me. Not in a dirty way but still. It's weird how I trust him more than the people around me. Everyone in my life has treated me with nothing but love. I feel safer about him talking about my body rather than when my family does.

I'm here cuz of the Enid & Wednesday thumbnail

I was severely bullied by boys growing up, so this has played a role in my fear of intimacy.

I can relate to this since I've been alone for 2 years because of pandemic which makes me kinda weird to socialize to other and also afraid...

I mainly crave intimacy but also avoid it simply because my feelings and need for intimacy don't get recipertated. Like I initiate something intimate, but my partners find issue in it. As such, I end up avoiding physical contact in fear I won't ever get it in return.....

I haven’t let a guy touch me since I was SA/Groomed now they just think I’m weird when I freak out when touched. I feel so embarrassed

It's been 11 years since I was last in a relationship or intimate with anyone. I've since sunk into my work and have even taken a job where I am alone 90% of the time.

Intimacy is very personal and makes you vulnerable, that makes people uncomfortable

I crave intimacy even though I’m introverted. My mom wasn’t home much & I was left alone a lot after school. I find even though I try to be in intimate in relationships whether friends or other, it doesn’t last long. I start to doubt their love for me. It’s worse when I’m dealing with depression and grief because I want intimacy but my pain pushes people away making me feel all alone. ……Then it enforces the thoughts that I’m not worth loving or that I’m too broken to be loved. Then I start doubting their love again.

I like giving hugs. I just feel awkward getting hugged even if its my parents. I stil like giving hugs.

I mainly avoid it because in this generation (or maybe its just a thing in my school), people think its weird to have like intimacy with friends. It makes me insecure about it

This channel gets me more than any human could.

I avoid intimacy simply because I don't trust people at all. Everyone I have ever trusted to do even the smallest thing, stabs me in the back. So I do not trust anyone at all anymore.

Always just hated to be touched by others

Meanwhile. The couple in the class keeps hugging and getting close every 5 minutes

I'd like to be hugged, but me hugging is a different story 💀

I was and still am so scared of losing myself and my goals when letting love through, that I literally pushed away a person who would have been nothing short but perfect for me and I just can't seem to fight this fear off. I just really hope one day it'll get weaker.

I don't want to go to prison, the way false accusations are handled I'd rather hunker down in my own home and avoid everything and everyone.

And there can be some people do not like to get touched, just preference or trauma, personal space, who knows.

Watching rhese videos makes me more sad slowly realizing that I may never find love, but they are so interesting that I can't stop I love psychology.

Moments like this makes me hate to be a human 😔

My father has always told me that I gonna have a lots of intimicy when I grow up. This made me avoid intimnicy

My now ex demonstrated a few of these and it's helped me understand a bit more as why she felt inadequate in herself that she felt like she was holding me back, plus she's not had good experiences with men, and I'm a gentle and loving guy (essentially a care bear) and it hurt sometimes when she pushed me away but I tried to understand but it made me feel like I wasn't doing enough, but I know I did everything I could, but still