7 Signs of Codependency, not Authentic Love 

Yup. Relationships have to be born out of appreciation for what is whole but also negotiation. Not seeking to complete what isn't whole yet not a philosophy of isolation.

Duh. 50% of the relationship is each person. Who thinks you only give 50% to a relationship? That doesn’t even make sense.

@@bradensorensen966all failed relationships are just one or both people feeling inadequate about themselves that they need the other to complete them.

I see it as giving 100% of your individual 50%

Well said!

I like how you have dreams face 👍

omg bb dream

Lol

Thank you for saying this, because I had a similar thought. They did well to address that the correct response to not feeling supported sufficiently is NOT to blow up, but they did not seem to suggest that it was possible that the partner might not be being supported properly in the first place. It's good to not make anyone responsible for your happiness, but if your partner continually lets you down and makes you feel like you have to handle every yourself, what are you supposed to do? Smile and say it's fine? The neglectful partner can end up feeling like this and not communicate their needs properly anymore, and the "clingy" person just gets clingier and hunts down anything to suggest they may be worth the attention. Obviously if it's leading to codependency the best thing to do would be break it off if it can't otherwise be resolved instead of perpetuating the cycle. But I feel like this video overlooked a whole lot of victims of neglect or psychological abuse.

As someone with neglectful parents--YUP. THIS.

Thank you both for exploring further and addressing causes, not only the symptoms.

Excellent take!

This! I was in a codependent friendship for 10 years and part of what made it difficult to leave, even as I recognized these tendencies in myself, was that I kept on feeling like it was my fault, and thought that if I just worked on myself I could make it better. But by the end of it, I had taken the steps to address some of these patterns in myself and was able to have healthy boundaries in my other relationships, but this person was still inconsistent, neglectful, and unwilling to work on things, which made the codependent feelings resurface every time we met. That’s when I realized it was really wasn’t my fault at that point, that it was because the other party was emotionally manipulating and abusing me, and that even as I worked so hard to break out of a toxic cycle, I was in it alone. And I realized I only blamed myself for so long because it made me feel like I was in control of the situation, that I could still make it work, that I wasn’t completely helpless when it comes to the other person’s behavior. To heal, I had to learn that I do deserve love and support and an equal relationship, instead of just criticizing myself and feeling like I’m broken and need to be fixed just for having normal human emotions like wanting to be cared for and supported by people who I gave so much care and support for.

Thank you so much

What has two butts and is deadly? 😄👍🏼

@@amaiodayaka8926 no problem

@@nanaman this guy

Thank you 🥰

Totally agree, it's not always black and white, the situations and context differ from each other alot , we should gain knowledge from these videos but should not follow blindly without looking at our situations first😤

That's a good point to raise but how do you know if what you're feeling is actually love for them when those feelings just be coming from personal needs?

@@Psych2go i think in my opinion it's all about introspection about oneself, to be aware of their behaviour and how they react to things , and be fully honest with themselves but easier said than done 🥲 it's hard to be honest

@@Psych2go That’s for that person to know and find out as they work on their issues and sort through their thoughts and feelings, not for you to use them as fodder for views.

Literally got broken up with because my partner was feeling codependent on me, which totally came out of left field because we've never had such a dynamic and I've always supported them and tried to help them to be more independent and value their self worth. And I can't make any sense of why they did this... Edit: Editing this to add for anyone else in a similar situation. Talk to your partner. Seems obvious but whether you're in the "giving" or "dependent" position, be aware of your wants, needs, and situations. You may not notice your codependency until you have to be apart, or you're so used to giving that you don't notice you yourself are getting drained or used, without either of you being aware of that or intending it. Ultimately, both of you have to be better and get better, first for yourselves and for each other. If that means taking time apart, temporarily or permanently, then the wisest thing is to do what's best to help you flourish and grow. Stay strong out there, even if no one is at fault, it will still suck, but it will get better ❤️‍🩹

Nah this's true tho

Cringe Af

Shes just trying to help you guys

lmao for REAL

I hope you eventually get out or can eventually cut them off or (if your like me) love them at a distance.

Right! Toxic but willing to see/admit to it? Attend therapy, really work with you and be mindful of the new skills they learn there. Maybe not cut that out. But toxic with the "I'm not toxic - insert whatever excuse here" then yeah. Nothing you can do for them. Give them a chance, but if they don't take it you got to get out of there.

That's true. Being able to cut out long term people is a sign of growth.

how about instead of just leaving with no explanation and effort to fix things, how about you tell the person that they have these problems, and how it is negatively affecting you, then answer any questions the person has regarding clarification

Love is a game of give and take. You gotta reciprocate love and expect the lover to reciprocate back and be able to understand eachother. Even sociopaths and psychopaths can gain the level of empathy to understand their loved ones with practice. Even if it is cognitive empathy more than it is emotional empathy (though come to think of it that circumstance is extremely rare.)

It's actually Rosa and Artem from Tears of Themis :))

Thank you so much!! 🥺💖💖 I do have both references in the video, so I'm glad you noticed them!

Thank you! Credit goes to the animator!

" I actually set my boundaries at the beginning of the relationship instead of just not talking about them at all" Proud of you 👍

Yes, that's amazing. I like how you are able to set boundaries and expectations early on in a relationship.

Hey man, sorry to bother you but I’m genuinely curious, what boundaries did you set?

So happy for you!

Is this possible in a new relationship? Also, my gf has expressed interest in moving in after only 3-4 months. I really want to, buT I’m the codependent one; I haven’t opened up about this. I fear that my codependence will worsen if I move in? Is it really possible to stay in the relationship and work on my issues of codepedence?

Hi, thank you for watching! Let me break it down for you. 💖 - Artem and MC from Tears of Themis - Luke and MC from Tears of Themis - Vyn and MC from Tears of Themis - Naoki and Kotoko from Itazura na Kiss (2:26) - Regina, Cady, and Aaron from Mean Girls (3:40) - Nanamine and Kosugi from Bakuman (04:04) - Mashiro and Takagi from Bakuman (04:10) - Dazai and Akutagawa from BSD (5:29) - Tohru from Fruits Basket (5:49) I think that's all! I'm glad you manage to recognize some of them! :3

Yesss, it's them! Say hello to the boys! 💖 (PS: don't worry, I'm just as addicted as you are. 🤣)

THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU TOO 😭💖💖

Can you suggest me a way of reducing that anxiety in that department? It's been plaguing my mind for over a couple of years, and I feel like it's only getting worse progressively

@@rubyeverred_ Well, talking to someone you trust really helps. Part of what helped mine get better overall was just talking to my mom. We kinda adressed it for an entire summer and I found myself less anxious overall afterwards. I still have quite a bit of anxiety and when I get really worried I talk to my mom again and various other people who put logic first. Sometimes just getting another view on what is worrying you really helps. You can't rely on others your whole life but it is a good way to start. So sometimes you just have to pause and think to yourself "Is this really necessary to be worried over?" Or, "Is this really going to end this way?". If it is something you worry you will do, it helps to think, "Would I actually do that?" Or "Am I actually like that?". If that doesn't help, talking to someone you trust is always good. Also, try to look at the bright sides or the good ways it could end. With anxiety, it may be hard to see the good ways something could end but try to hope for the good. Don't try to EXPECT the good, though, because when the good doesn't come it can just end up being worse. In other words, hope for the best and maybe try to focus on it but don't completely ignore the bad. I hope some of this helps, I also hope I said it in a way you understand. I'm going through this journey, too, though, so I may have said something that doesn't help or something like that and if so I would apologize. I hope things get better for you!

@@rubyeverred_ All of that information is good. But also my therapist gave me a really neat trick or "self soothing habit". Cold. You know how in movies people splash water on their face? That actually does slow your heart rate if you feel like it's thumping out of your chest. Sometimes it's easier to just trick your body. This obviously doesn't replace therapy and working on "Distress tolerance" has really helped. But it's something that's not a pill that you can use in that moment to help you get through it. I have a cold compress at the ready and personally hold it to my chest but anything that gives you a little shock of cold could help. Also vitamins. There's some medication that has helped me, but B-12 and vitamin D really did help. (My doctor actually will give me shots and my social anxiety is noticeably reduced for a while afterwards so now I take a daily pill to keep my levels up because I hate needles!) Plus vitamins like that are an easier start then meds. Don't have to worry about withdrawal/interaction/side effects.

@@Wind_Cursed oh I just noticed something you said that reminded me of something on group. Most things are rarely all good or all bad. Generally it's a scale - this thing behavior whatever, serves this purpose but also has this side effect type of thinking. So for me, just general life can be very difficult. I have issues with thresholds (crossing the doorway to leave my house, actually entering the bus after I see all the people on it. Among other things but I feel like it works as an example.) I know that nothing is going happen to hurt me there - yet I still have to force myself for some reason. So I find whatever good I can in that actual moment and focus on it. I have to constantly remind myself to not think about what could happen and just stay focused on - let's say the cute dog that someone on the bus has. Stare at the dog lol, don't look at the people who may or may not be glaring at me for whatever the reason may be. None of that matters, just focus on the dog till you get there. So staying "in the moment, in the gray" is something I personally tell myself that helps.

@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 Thanks for the info! That reminds me of a saying I've heard more than once and it says "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."

Thank you so much! 😭💖

@@Ayacchi Thank you for your hard work!

@@sparkstudies1675 and thank you for making it all worth while! 💖

You're not alone! This took me a while to realise too!

You're not alone. Unfortunately these things happen. But keep going to therapy, learning to accept, love and respect yourself. You'll see how things will get better. 😉

@@brunaribeiroguska2941 Oh I know. I see it in group. Sometimes I'm not sure I feel better that I can relate to but also feel bad that anyone else has to feel this way. I probably will participate in some form of therapy for the rest of my life. Not a bad thing and grateful for the opportunity to improve to be honest. Thanks for your support 💟. I think not just me, but we're all getting a little better, a little more aware at least all the time. I just hope it gets there someday soon. My issues stem from something in my family weather it's hereditary or just passed down generational un intentional abuse. My family just will not talk about it. "Just the way God made ya" they would say. I think it's finally getting a breather from stigma to talk about mental health. That alone is really helpful and opening some huge doors. Just gotta keep going up from there!

@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 I understand you better than you think. I'll probably have to go to therapy for the rest of my life, too. And I think we have similar problems and hopes. I identified a lot with what you said. I wish you all the best. We will be able to overcome this. You will see. Just keep going! And believe in yourself! 😉

@@brunaribeiroguska2941 hahaha no I think you probably understand me better than myself! Sounds like you might be a little further on the journey, even if it's a lifelong road for both of us. Thanks for being strong for me! We aren't alone and together we can do great things! Or even just little things lol day by day, in the moment. Even as introverted as I can be I am slowly realizing how much talking really helps. Sometimes it's easier online with the cozy blanket of anonymity, but just knowing someone understands can really make the difference.

@@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951 Talking really helps! When you talk to those who understand you at least. I hope you find more people capable of listening and understanding you. And I'm glad I could help. I don't know if I'm as far ahead as you said, but thanks for the encouragement. And remember: it is little by little that big changes are made. And nothing to compare yourself to others, except as an incentive. They are not putting on your shoes and walking the same path as you. Only you know how hard it was and how far you've come. And don't give up because it will be worth it! OK? Take care, anonymous friend. 😊

You're the sweetest! Thank you so much! 🥺💖

💖💖💪💪

I WAS LITERALLY SCROLLING THROUGH THE COMMMENTS JUST TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT!!!! hii fellow attorney 🥺💙 ALSO who is the other person with Rosa on the thumbnail? Was it Artem??

@@nefera3086 yup! Artem, Luke and Vyn were also there.

@@shreyamishra6310 Aye! Attorneys hope you're doing well. Trust me the moment i saw Mc and Artem my mind went sus xD it wasn't until i saw luke and his green-ol-jacket i slammed the breaks

Thank you so much! Your comment has also made mine too!

♥️ You've got this too.

Im codepedent, my partner doesnt know. We’ve been together for 3 months and she wants to move in, should I do this despite being the needy one? I feel like my codependence will worsen if I move in, but also feel it will be easier for me to work on this since she will be coming back home to me and I will have some piece of mind

Thank you so much! Glad that the references help lighten up the video. 💖 hope you're having a great day!

Thank you! 💖

​@@Ayacchithis clip is very cute. Well done!

We live and learn.

Exactly! Literally so much of this could come from just automatically observing patterns in the way parents treated you while you were growing up. How are we supposed to learn not to do those to others? It sounds like such a normal thing for a parent to say... but we grow up and find ourselves in these situations with well adjusted adults and we have to do a double take because we realise something isn't right.

OMG thank you so much!! 😭😭 I hope that doesn't hinder you from understanding the topic, though!

@@Ayacchi Not at all - just adds to the replayability 😁 much love!

I used to match a lot of things on this list too, and as much as I've improved I still need to watch very carefully I don't fall back into old patterns. Speaking from experience, try to remember the difference between blame and responsibility. You didn't do those things knowingly, you're not a bad person for having bad habits. You know about it now, so you can work to be better now. It is not easy, it is not fast; you're going to make mistakes and forget sometimes. That's still ok, it's all part of the learning process. You can grow, you can change. ♥️

@@Ahrpigi omg I really needed to read something like this, I'm going through a hard time right now with my ex.. feeling better now but I needed to read something like this thank you so much!! Have a great day! Pd: love that Dark Souls pfp, praise the sun!

I’m exactly as you described yourself but a bit younger how did you fix yourself or rather how did you overcome it. I still try to help others but at the end of the day ain’t I better not doing that and just focus on myself?

@@IvanRiv99 Truth be told, any time I offer advice like that to someone I'm trying to remind myself just as much as help them. It's a difficult thing, but it doesn't matter how much you stumble as long as you keep trying. Much like Dark Souls in that way... Praise the Sun! ☀️\[T]/☀️

@@FireRams_arisinglion I just read the really depressing and upsetting speech this guy wrote and I scroll to replies and see this, I just started fuckin' laughing

Such a healthy way of thinking. I feel like i needed this, thank you. 😇

That's really beautiful. I like you have a healthy boundary in place.

True, it's important to respect each other's freedom and own space

What's your take on criticism?

@@sparkstudies1675 Healthy constructive criticism is okay, as long as it is spoken clearly and compassionately, and solely for the purpose of improvement and/or with concern for the others’ wellbeing; if examples and/or suggestions of alternative ideas are included, it makes for a tighter case and greater likelihood of reciprocation, at least in my case. Harsh and/or baseless criticism, on the other hand, with little to no sign of a well-thought explanation, aggressive or sarcastic tone, unwillingness to make compromise or hear me out (including omitting, glossing over, or altering the meaning of my words), pointing out flaws in a condescending or belittling way, responding to my queries in a reluctant or exasperated way (or simply refusing to help, with comments like, “if you don’t already know, then it’d be a waste for me to even _try_ to help”), and perhaps my least favourite attitude (hypocrisy)… to me, those aren’t true criticism, and are better defined as strawman arguments, emotional abuse, and/or ironic misinterpretation. I like feedback, and I also like tips and advice from those with experience and/or whose intent is of mutual respect and understanding. If someone wants to rant or pick a fight, you’ve come to the wrong person; if, on the other hand, you seek a rapport and potential new friend, and want to share two cents of wisdom and ideas, we can talk. 😊

♥️♥️ I understand this. I wish you well

@@sparkstudies1675 u2

Theres luke too

And vyn

For real

Oof I had 25 seconds haha

Lol

17 seconds? It isn't a marathon😳

HAHAHA I'm sorry? 🥺🤣

@@FireRams_arisinglion it’s just what I needed to tell myself. What do you say to yourself when you’re feeling down?

@@traebadmon don't worry, this account seems to exiat purely to spread negativity. No idea what someone gets from doing that but there are other accounts that seem to enjoy shitting on people too. Obviously nothing valuable to say, don't let it get to you

@@Yuffie777 I’ll be okay, they’ll be okay 💪🏽 thanks 👑

Aaah thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed the video!

Thank you so much! 🥺💖

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 💖💖

HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY!!

Aaaaaah thank you so much! I'm glad you caught the symbolism 🥺🥺💖

That's really really tough, I'm so sorry to both of you

Aww thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it 💖