You could’ve made this video less heteronormative and more inclusive by adding some same sex creatives and clips.. And not it’s not about being offended it’s about facing reality that LGBTQ people are about 7% of the US population and approximately the same in other western countries. Also look at the statistics of your videos - 20% of generation (born from 1996) Z are LGBTQ and I assume it must be many if not most of your viewers.
I hope some INFJ finds this video early in life. I spent so much time worrying about why I felt this way in my teens, when everyone else was ok with crazy relationships
Nothin like ya gf wakin up in the middle of the night to say how butthurt she is that you kissed a girl in "her" dream and expects you to apologize for it, unhealthy relationships are like takin a belt sander to the balls and the worst part is that most wemon are so narcissistic they'll make you out to be the bad guy n even withhold xxx over it and possibly even hold a grudge while tellin all her friends how evil you are for not bein a good submissive beta, duck unhealthy ppl
@@infj-tguy6275 ok... I have no idea what most people are doing. I know that this video was written by a man and it's like he put exactly how I feel into words. So I'm hopeful that men and women can be very similar and it's about finding the right people. I've seen women want to dominate over men,l. I'm more "traditional", I want someone I can respect and even admire in some aspects. The name Spartan came from someone whose work saved my life and Elf was already part of my username before that
Absolutely true. I fell for my husband, within days, and knew we would marry before I was even aware of his looks and it was only after we married, a few months after meeting, that I felt deeply sexually attracted to him. And it lasted for 42 years till he passed.
im sorry for your, but it makes me so happy to hear of demis that arent teenagers or early 20s! i still get misunderstood for being gay telling ppl it sadly
This is so true for me. I only recently discovered I am demisexual and sapiosexual. And I love my space. I cringe internally when people come to close to me or hug me without asking me first. And, I hate crowded and noisy places hence I don't do clubs and bars. The more I dig into the INFJ personality type, the more I am learning to love and accept myself. I just wish I knew all these in my teens and early 20s.
I get you so much, I hate being touched, hugged or even cheek-kissed by someone i don't know or haven't talked to. For me it kinda goes in levels, if i've known you for some while its okay and i can handle it.. but if not i usually say "Hi" with my hand and thats it.
I thought there must be something wrong with me? All those years. I just found out about this fact end of last year 😂😂😂 and came across this video today.
I can half relate to cringing interally when people come to close or hug me without asking. For me it's more so when someone i'm not comfortable with being close to. I love hugs but i don't want hugs from just anyone and people find that confusing when i say that.
I thought I was "outdated" and weird for not wanting to be part of hook up culture but this has really shed a light on how we value an intimate relationship
You two are living my dream….Congratulations on 30 years, especially in a day and time that says if you don’t like the person you are married to, divorce them.
I would say that physical attraction certainly exists, but it's just not nearly enough. It's enough to get your attention, but not enough to keep it. Who a person is can solidify an attraction or shatter it. The initial attraction is really just the existence of potential. Intelligence is also not enough. All intelligence and no heart can make for a frustrating experience. It also makes a connection less likely, making a one-sided relationship. We are capable of adapting, but adapting too much will leave us feeling like we aren't ourselves. It's difficult to be happy when you aren't yourself.
Wow. Every video about “myself” I really do feel more seen. I’m on the brink of a new relationship that I feel so good about. And this is so helpful understanding myself
What you said about intelligence is absolutely true. I made the mistake of marrying an INTP 30 years ago. He's an engineer and extremely smart, but not the least bit affectionate. It took years for me to realize that neither of us was the problem...the problem was that we're just not well suited to each other emotionally. By then we had kids, and we're both very loyal and reluctant to do the whole dating thing. So we've stuck it out. He's fine with always being on the computer. I've adapted, but I still feel the emptiness and lack of connection. I wish I'd known about MBTI 30 years ago. Maybe I would have chosen more carefully.
@@PSYCH-O What's amazing? Isn't it normal to like the "person" rather than what others think of their "status" or what hair or nose he/she got born with? Come on, step up people!
@@matilda4406 What we meant is amazing that they can relate, however, as much as we'd love a world where that was the case, it's just not the truth for a lot of people unfortunately. So, it's nice to find like-minded people.
@@PSYCH-O I was being a bit sarcastic and a bit exasperated. Yes, i know people go for looks only. Or mostly. It's very weird when I see it. It's like the person doesn't matter. His or her face and facade is enough. very strange.
This makes sense. I've met some drop-dead gorgeous women who, while remaining physically attractive, somehow lose their appeal the more shallow, or vapid, or inconsiderate they turn out to be. Meanwhile the girl I'm in love with is not the most attractive woman I've dated, but I absolutely love just having her within my personal bubble. We ended up sleeping together mere hours after meeting, but the connection we built since the second we met was undeniable. It moved at the speed of a ONS, but the bond was so strong at that point, it felt as if we had waited months before being physically intimate. 10 years later, and it still feels like the first time.
Weird. I'm the polar opposite. Test said I was INFJ-t. Never experienced true romantic connection. Maybe that has something to do with it. Can have romantic feelings for strangers. Sexual attraction for strangers. Love solitude. Love sex with strangers also. Lost sexual attraction fast in relationships (but they were mistakes. there were no real romantic connection). I like to imagine I would enjoy sex IF I ever had a real romantic connection. Had sex with probably 150 people, not all strangers, but no one with real romantic connection. Maybe I'm broken, who knows.
Thank you, Psych-O! I’m an INFJ, a demisexual and a sapiosexual. Now, I finally understand deeper. I can’t even imagine being intimate with anybody else. Only with the one I love I can go all the way. I’m attracted to him emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, physically. Only with him. Nobody else. Periodt.
I'd hope I'm wrong here, but in my experience with INFJs(2 of them in different age groups) - your "all the way" is about an inch and a half. Not even a yard. I didn't know feeling acutely lonely during an intimate exchange is possible until I met an INFJ. What I'm trying to say - don't toot your own toot too hard.
As an INFJ I have to remind myself that others just don't think like I do. I related to everything you said. And at the end you called it "over thinking", but I just see common sense. So weird to me that other people aren't like this. I'm 50 and really glad I'm married. I could never be happy or comfortable in Hook Up culture.
Some people have more constant urges than you. That’s not me, and for the life I’ve lived so far, that lack of drive has been a good thing, but I know that’s not everyone.
It’s amazing how exacting this aligns with my thoughts, behaviors, needs. I presumed everyone felt this way, until I discovered the many individuals I dated didn’t understand any of this
Literally! I searched the definition of Demi sexual and I was like… this is not how everyone sees things?!? I mean logically I know it’s not cause I can think of examples but I’m like, this is how everyone should see things lol
Thinking everyone was the same as me is my biggest regret , but now I am so grateful knowing we are different and I love how I am and never wished to be anyone else
Taking that personality test has been one of the best decisions I've made in my life It's like finding the hidden code to my head. Why I feel the way I do, why I have heard so many of the same comments, explains so many of the issues I've had in life, & why I'm so bloody weird.
@@kierasthoughts2480 Some people like it so I'll let them be them. 🤷♂️ It's not based on anything scientific so it may not be proven even if it makes sense to people. I don't know what I am anymore since my last 3 letters are always within 45-55% of each other. I am asexual so I could be any of the introvert ones at this point.
Nails it 100%... I'm an INFJ and I identify as gray asexual and hetero/sapio-romantic. If a person who looks at the first glance attractive turns out to be a prejudiced or mean to other people, I find them no longer attractive. If somebody is showing that they have a rather average intellect, I may still be friends with them, but certainly won't get romantically involved. If a person is not that attractive at first glance, but turns out to be both empathic and clever, that makes them suddenly really attractive. I wish I had known myself better from an early age on...
I'm 62 and someone commented that I was probobly and INFJ, I had no idea what that meant or had even heard of it before, after thorough research, of course, lol, I was amazed that I can relate to 99% of the characteristics, it was like s blueprint or flashbacks of my life lol I'm somewhat relieved because at times I thought I was so different but coukdnt or was afraid to explain my quirks or why I feel like I'm speaking a foreign language when conversing with others at times .
I always use to say that sex is like the dessert after a long spiritually nutritious meal in which the hors d'oeuvre is when you make first contact with her, the first course is getting to know each other better by sharing all kinds of experiences and having good time together, the second course is getting emotional and deepening our relationship to a higher level so that the final course gives the sweet touch to the whole. It would be utterly weird and discordant to start a meal with the final course, right? Only children and immature people want to eat that tiramisu or chocolate ice cream right away without having consumed anything nutritiously meaningful before. No one usually does this in case of food, so neither should it be done in a relationship. I mean it would be void of any meaningful sense and it would also be quite arid and coarse.
After being sexually abused as a child and experiencing family defense of the abusers, I learned to separate sex from love altogether. For me, sex has nothing to do with "connecting." This has always made me seem to be cold hearted. I do know I wouldn't even contemplate dating jocks, heavy drinkers, or bullies when I was younger. I've learned to be more respectful of my own value and definitely choose to be demisexual because I am worth it.
For what it's worth can relate as well, just having sex with people isn't intimate and being abused as a child changes things up. Sorry you went through that, hope life's been better towards you
Demisexual is NOT a choice btw. This video is terrible and very upsetting for actual Demisexuals. This kind of info will lead people to think they can just convert Demisexuals or worse.
I can totally relate to being sexually abused as a boy by a older lady and as a man in my culture its not something you talk about. You're valid in every way. I'm a sapiosexual it not just about sex but I've gotta understand my partners mind
Same..I literally can separate emotional connection and physical need. I don't like being all "touchy-feely" or cuddling. You should see my face it looks like 😣 like, so cringy feeling and i hate that word, but that's how it feels. I would rather a more "friend with benefits" where there can be sex, but then just be friends the rest of the time. But unfortunately that never works out well since they always get emotionally attatched and it messes everything up and I have to cut it off. My first and only relationship was with my husband of 18 years (now separated) and with all the issues, I go from feeling, that's exactly why I should have never gotten emotionally attatched in the first place, to I am also thankful for my 2 boys. However, im not a very "touchy-feely" mom either and it makes me feel like sht. If I sleep next to someone I literally go as far away on the otherside as possible. Idk it makes me seem like I'm hateful, but I'm really not trying to be. It's weird I am sensitive to other people's feelings, I empathize hard. But I don't care enough about myself to make me happy, it feels selfish. So, I'd rather not be close to anybody to save them from getting hurt by how I am.
I am an INFP but this video caught my eye because I have a friend who is an IFNJ and I linked her this video before I watched it. It is so her but through the school of hard knocks I have learned that this behavior is wisdom if you want to avoid complications. If you are an IFNJ and reading this, always remain true to yourself. You are a beautiful and wonderful person.
As a young man and now turning 48 this month, I have never been able to just have sex with random women. In fact I avoided most situations where I felt that may be where the night was going. I was called naive a lot. Where women were basically throwing themselves at me and I would not pursue them. If there is no emotional connection and ultimate comfort with the other, there is nothing happening "down" there. But after I got to know the other person and felt I was not being judged or felt the innate comfort with them, only then would anything happen.
I feel you getting called naive, my man. I’ve never seen porn (both for lack of interest and moral reasons, though mostly the former), and people will literally, to my face, call me a freak. Sorry I don’t thrive off the idea of watching two strangers get at it. However, fanfiction? Sounds silly, but there can be so much LOVE and SUPPORT it’s almost impossible NOT to find yourself wanting the two dorks you pair together wanting to do the do. Such a completely different narrative, and it just kinda sucks to get bullied over a preference.
Wow. And all this time I thought it was just some subconscious, prudish attitude left over from a strict, religious childhood. But even thinking that, my mind can NOT conceive of casual sex with a stranger as being anything but awkward and unsatisfying. Casual sex might be nice, but it completely misses the bigger picture of what a true meeting of the minds and bodies can become… and it can become something akin to a spiritual experience.
Wow. I am a 61 yo woman and this sums up my life scarily well. Unfortunately, I have spent far too long thinking I was just odd or not meant to have the deep relationship I have always craved. I tried to ignore my needs in two relationships, allowing myself to feel "all in" and ending up hurt because it just wasn't reciprocated, or they didn't understand me.
These videos alleviate my fears of being alone in these INFJ behaviors. I wish I had seen them in my younger days when narcissists were having me for a feeding frenzy for displaying just these convictions and characteristics. I just need to connect on a deeper level and can’t get into hookup culture, but still I crave connection and sometimes see people I feel attracted to for intellectual reasons…🤔
This makes me feel a lot better I thought I was just picky and in my 40 years of life I can count on one hand With fingers left over on how many men I’ve been with. There were very few men that I would even consider getting physical with because if they didn’t meet my expectations mentally they most certainly won’t meet my expectations physically. Because if I didn’t have that mental connection with them I wouldn’t have a physical attraction to them.
Never lower your expectations for anyone! You are strong! You are smart! You are beautiful! I’ve been telling everyone - being Demi turns your love life into a love STORY. You’ll get your happy ending :) it may just be that you fall in love with yourself and 80000 cats, in which case, way more power to you!
I never put too much stock into the Myers-Briggs personality test, even with a BS in Psychology, but I kept coming up as INFJ and never thought too much about it. This video is spot on logic to me.
Yeah, I don’t think it’s the magic that people think it is, but it can sometimes be pretty accurate! I never would have guessed, for example, that all my fellow INFJs would understand my Demisexual experience. As someone who’s both, but not necessarily Sapiosexual and is also pretty tactile with my loved ones. Heck, I’ve had strangers fall asleep on my shoulders without it bothering me, as I tend to be a mother hen and love fussing over people and taking care of them. So. Lots them same, with some pretty key differences that probably are what make me unique! I’m sure everyone’s the same way with their personality type
I agree I don't think I'm 100% sold on all of Myers Briggs and I'm an extrovert. However I am sapio-sexual. Being able to connect mentally is such a turn on for me. I don't mean fake
@@jaiyabyrd4177 I discovered Hippocrates base four and believe this is the lowest common denominator from which all other studies can expand from Hollywood uses Hippocrates revelations for their super accurate type casting I found some details with Dr Timothy LaHayes, Understanding the male temperament .The female temperament same only with more yin as apposed to male more yang
@@jaiyabyrd4177 all INFJ are melancholy introvert dominant and sanguine Extrovert secondary Infja is melancholy Sanguine with aggressive choleric third and passive phlegmatic fourth We all have all four base temperaments described by Hippocrates Infjt is of course also melancholy dominant sanguine secondary the passive phlegmatic third and aggressive choleric fourth This means all people have all Meyers Briggs temperaments as well .The individual amounts of course determine from dominant on down All INTJ are melancholy dominant and phlegmatic secondary INTJa most likely more interested in objects than people with choleric in third place INTJt could be more interested in people with the socialable Sanguine in third place closer to being infj ISFJ is melancholy dominant and choleric secondary These are your three predominantly melancholy dominant people Infp phlegmatic dominant melancholy secondary Intp phlegmatic dominant sanguine secondary Istp phlegmatic dominant choleric secondary The three predominantly phlegmatic people Intj Mel phleg Infp phleg Mel are the 2 double dominant introverts with phlegmatic the super introvert and the genius melancholy the ordinary introvert Sanguine super extrovert Choleric ordinary extrovert You can figure the extrovert spectrum by reversing the introvert spectrum Me since age 18 in 1976 am melancholy sanguine choleric phlegmatic Discovered MB much more recent so of course they call me INFJa MB is a great source to expand the understanding of our lowest common denominator offered by Hippocrates and for accuracy Hippocrates base four is used by Hollywood for type casting Hippocrates Read Tim Lahaye Understanding the male temperament You might be Enfj I'm guessing your sociable temperament sanguine dominant
I’m so glad that I found this video. Watching this and reading the comments is helping me understand my self more. I always feel bad for the way I am and end of blaming myself for everything when people don’t understand me but coming here and seeing that there are people just like me makes me feel better!
Great video. Spot on. I'm an awakened INFJ male, having gone through full blown kundalini awakening for 20 years. The emotional connection is paramount. I think that the emotional connection stimulates oxytocin, the love hormone. Strangely, without an emotional bond, I don't have any interest in sexual activity. When the emotional connection is there....the love is intense and over the top. I've learned through the years to pursue emotionally available women with keen intelligence....otherwise it simply does not do it for me.
Wow! I struggle with placing myself in INFJ or INFP, as different tests produce different results (but those two consistently) over the years. I didn’t realise demisexuality was linked to INFJ’s, and that is enough for me to definitively say I’m an INFJ. The idea that the majority of people in the world will let people that don’t even value them and who would literally have gone home with whoever was the easiest option (& is that what anyone really wants to be), and who they half the time also don’t value, and yet will share literally the closest and most intimate space and time with…. bewilders me deeply and always has. What have you got left to give the person you actually find most wonderful of all people? You’ve already given all of yourself to people you didn’t even value! I will not make a mockery of love that way.
Hookup culture is an extension of caveman days when frequent exchanges of DNA between different people increased the chances of the species’ survival. This extended to “alpha Chads” (modern lexicon) being most likely to bed a woman, ensuring the strongest, most virile men produced offspring by the most females. By extension, even today, many ladies will only go after the tallest, hottest guys out there - it’s evolutionary instinct. Some people of either gender innately don’t want to go along with that.
Same with me INFP and INFJ but i just realized this year that I'm a demi before i found this video. And I'm shocked when it says about personal space because that's extremely spot on It's late but better than never know
The part in the end where you demonstrate the seemingly neverending thinking process of an INFJ about all the possibilities and how one question leads to another made me chuckle because this is exactly what's happening in my head constantly. Thanks. 🙈🤗
This video just makes me feel so validated at a human being. Growing up as an INFJ, especially during my teenage years and worrying that something was wrong with me because I wasn't into hook ups and experimentation was probably my biggest struggle. I needed this video in my life some twenty years ago! All of it is extremely relatable, in my opinion, and I've even explored into asexuality to help me understand why my attractions are the way they are. Sapiosexual, absolutely! There has never been a more true definition or more fitting description. The higher the intelligence levels, the more I find someone attractive, and that is largely because I know that I am always going to get indepth conversations when I decide to converse with someone. No small talk for those folks. Thank you so much for this video.
I had to manifest an ENFJ in order to have the deep friendship I need in my life! It works! 🙌 I'm an INFJ and wanted an INFJ but the universe brought me an ENFJ and he is so wonderful almost exactly the same!
@@TheSapphireLeo The MBTI personality types. So in this case I for introverted, N for intuitive, F for feeling, and J for judging. E is for extroverted. Its a bit deeper than that but a google search would probably explain better than I can.
Wow that was really accurate!! I always thought I was just weird or that I’m just a bit coldhearted in relationships because I absolutely hate to waste time when I can’t see a future in it but now that I know there are people who are exactly the same as me - having the same thoughts, the same worldview and the same struggles - I feel better. I wish I had discovered this sooner, before my first relationship. I didn’t understand my personality for a long time because I actually really like analysing people and helping friends. I’m rather warm-hearted and cheerful around them and I always kind of knew what the person was like even before I interacted with them. I wish more INFJ‘s would find this video in their early teens.
I knew all my life that i am different and often called my self weird untill i found out that i am an INFJ and started go deep into learning everything about my personality type i feel such a relief and great understanding and less critical of my self
This explains SO much! I really think they should offer Personality tests, to young adults in school, To at least inform them... If I would have known this then, It would have saved me a lot of grief and soul searching, and the whole 20th year of my life incarcerated ... LUCKILY I am Becoming more enlightened everyday, Because of these types of videos!!😁 Therapy always tried to misdiagnosed me and always left me feeling worse... So, These videos, combined with Years of various therapists and chaotic Life experiences, I'm able To see my light getting so much brighter!🌄🌞🌎👼
We love to hear it!! And I think you're exactly right, if teenagers were given the tools to look deeper within their personality types I think we would be a lot less confused in so many aspects of life 😫 Thank you for watching 💙
I had the opportunity to take the MBTI test at a young age. My type was a piece of information which I undervalued and took for granted. I think also that knowing my type early made me more inclined to play into that type more than I should have, in the process developing a lot of the negative aspects of an unhealthy INFJ because I felt like I COULD skip the soul-searching. By trying to skip it as much as possible, I cheated myself out of the strong roots I need to keep me grounded qnd have had to go back later in my life and try to establish those foundations I'm missing. I don't actually know if any of my comment makes sense. It's just how I feel as an adult after prematurely (how I see it) discovering MBTI.
Honestly found this to be true with me over the course of the pandemic, finally being alone with my thoughts and 0 pressure to have to finally find someone. Now I defiently see myself as demisexual or sapiosexual (though i prefer the more umbrella "grey-sexual" simply because I can say I'm a grey 👽)
I wish I found this a lot sooner. I only discovered last month that I was demisexual as an INFJ, and I’m almost in my mid 20’s. I had always wondered why none of my relationships lasted and why there were so many break ups that had no explanation. It was all hook up culture that I despised before even knowing what that was. I feel so much better now that I am more in tune with who I am.
You hit the nail on the head. I am both an INFJ and a demi/sapiosexual. As I listened to your points I found myself nodding in agreement on all of them. Thank you for this.
This video hits all the nails on the head. I always thought I was odd but this puts it into focus. It’s exactly how I feel. No connection = no attraction And slow slow slow as far as making any interpersonal commitments as well as intimacy is like kryptonite. I can’t imagine even sitting next to someone unless I knew them well.
I feel attacked, lol. 96% of these explanations hit home with me. I just never knew there was a term to describe my specific take on intimacy and relationships… and how my partner’s behavior even years into it can still cause that physical connection to crumble if/when the emotional connection begins to falter. My anxiety levels skyrocket right before seeing someone I like who isn’t already in my “circle” and it peaks then lingers for awhile before subsiding once we are face to face. I’ve taken these Myers-Briggs assessments so many times bc the testing issuers are all skeptical but always still get INFJ. And my best friend is one too. Birds of a feather…
What really makes sense for me is that there is physically attraction but more on the behaviour side. I have/had a crunch on a class mate, not from the first looks (I thought "he's not my type") but because of the way I feel understood looking into his eyes, he treats others, he talks very considered.
I always knew I was more of a demisexual and always idenfied as so (I still have some really strong sexual attraction for some people) , but never knew it had to do with my INFJ personality. Whaaaaaat
@@PSYCH-O Thank you! I got to know myself a little deeper, keep up your work! your videos have such a good quality and Im sure lots of work behind! Subscribed♡
I'm really glad I knew I was an INFJ very early in life, in my teens. Really helped me achieve a different level of emotional maturity and be at peace. Even tho I found out about the demisexual part later (at 20, still early), I never thought something was wrong with me, lol. LOVE to be an INFJ, hope to find one irl someday!
This is so absolutely true! I recently discovered that I am demisexual ... then discovered I am an INFJ. It''s so wonderful to discover that I am not alone and that I am OK just the way I am. Thank you for the therapy session!
Hey, I actually just found this and realized that it feels like it's all about me...like who's been spying?👀👀👀 I already figured all this out some years ago!!😊🤗 Hope everyone who needs it finds it!! You're not alone!!!🙌🏿🙌🏿
My gf told me I was demisexual when we first started talking a long time ago. Didn’t know what it was at first till I looked it up and it made sense. Never considered myself sapiosexual but I admit I was attracted to the way she did things because it was similar to my own ways. We always had some sort of similarity. I think maybe the sapiosexual aspect could be more of an attraction to the personality and mind of someone who is capable of being understanding of ourselves. Maybe.
Yes. I am late middle-aged, and just recently found out that not only am I an INFJ, I'm also demi-sexual, on the autism spectrum, and tend very strongly to get stuck in the 'IN-FT loop'. I spent years trying to understand my utter distaste and difference from other people in the "hook-up", or "sexual exploration" department. I had never heard of Demi-sexuality, but I was researching different personality types in reference to sexual identity, especially as I am cisgender but strongly support and stand with the LGBTQIA community, and I came across Demi-sexuality, it just finally clicked, and I'm like 'OMG! This is what I am. There's nothing wrong with me.' Quite to the contrary, I am part of a very special, select group of people who want a deeper, almost "familial" connection with their sexual/love partners, as if we have known them and cared for them over many lifetimes. I was so relieved that my aversion to what other people considered "normal" when looking for a partner, was actually a very special part of me, and of the people which I should be looking to as a potential life-partner. I had felt this connection with people I had met in my life a couple of times only. But the feelings we both experienced were so intense and unusual, that I think we both were bowled over by them, wondering of it was normal to fall deeply in love with someone that you already connected with on a familial plain. I'm so filled with regret that I wasn't able to find out about this earlier in my life. I may have been able to successfully navigate the road to a full and satisfying life-long relationship if I had had this information at an earlier time in my life.
I am both and I had no idea what they meant until I watched this video. It is interesting to look back and see how things played out in my life now that I can understand this side of me. When my marriage was on the rocks the last year. My husband and I seperated and then he moved back in. He wanted to go right back to having sex and I could not honestly say I loved him (which upset him) or really stand to touch him, but did anyway for his sake because his love language is physical touch. He was so mad that I withheld sex. But I did not trust him mentally or emotionally and there was no way I could trust him sexually until those other pieces fell into place. They never did. He just went back to berating me and the kids and I left him. Emotions and a mental connection are so much sexier than physical attraction, although I like that too, but it is not nearly so important, except as a lead in to the rest.
Your ex-husband’s nature would be excellent at keeping 90+% of wives. That entire “treat them as if they’re beneath you” attitude doesn’t work out on INFJ’s. (I get the sense that Justin Bieber, at this rate, is going to find this out the hard way. See The Body Language Guy’s video on Biebs and his wife - I could tell within 15 seconds of watching her mannerisms that Hailey’s an INFJ.)
Guys you have got me to a T. I was so surprised that you were able to articulate what I think when it comes to sexual relations. You could not have done it in a better way I did not think that my thoughts and beliefs about sex had to do with me being an INFJ
I'm actually kinda laughing at this because I'm an INFJ, and without really thinking about the connection to Demi, I've always said I need a different connection to be with them. so I'm glad I ran into this and now notice the connection and at least for me, yep. true.
It is so refreshing and validating to finally hear someone describe how i feel. I have never been able to articulate this. My demisexual tendencies have caused me so much conflict in my life. Thank you for making me feel better about it.
True, there was alot going in my mind before making a decision. My info on my social media was always private even with the company I worked. I always prioritize personal boundaries before anything else.
I'm a gay INFJ and this might help to explain why I'm just not interested in casual sex. I actually wish I was though because it seems as if most other gay men are ONLY looking for casual hookups and nothing more. As a result... nada!
That's such a shame, I think a lot of this generation's INFJs feel this way, especially with the rise of dating apps that are solely used for hook-ups. We wish you the best of luck in finding a soul connection 💙
That’s so refreshing to know I’m not the only one who sees this and just cringes! I personally have never dated a male, but I know casual sex would never do it for me, so I’ve just sort of steered clear and endured the attractions only! Never acted on them, as I’m not a conversationalist (I’d rather be approached-respectfully ). Be it the heterosexual realm or alternative, I just can’t get with the hook-up culture! It just makes the notion of finding love that much better than embracing the reality that I might never touch it! What it’s like to be held or even talked to about how I feel, or what’s going through my mind, and “why I’m so quiet?” Thankfully, writing and God (and meditation) have been helpful! Very helpful! I’ve cultivated a level of self-love to the point where a romantic relationship would only ADD to the magic my life possesses! It’s not a need persay! It’s a desire and desires change given quality and time (if not suitable in ALL respects-mental/emotional/spiritual, it’s best to do away with it-my thoughts) I do wish you the best in love and in life! 🙏🙏🙏
This makes so much sense! I had heard about sapiosexuality before and realised that that is me. But this is first time I heard about demisexuality. This is so me.
You make some decent points that I agree with. What you don’t mention and nobody else mentions is that once you are “in” with an INFJ, we are absolutely wild lovers. You’ll never experience anything like it.
Yes, this is all true. I let someone I should not have in, because others thought it was the right thing to do. This person ended up betraying me and I was on in-ti loop for years before I let another person in. It was then I met my wife and since we were separated by a literal ocean through much of our engagement, we talked a lot and this built a foundation of trust between her and I. 23 years later and still connected. Was not always easy, but once she was in, it skyrocketed our deep relationship.
One of my great fears of parenthood, should it ever come to me, is picking out or suggesting to my child someone who slips through my Nope Filter. Most people I can nope within ten, fifteen seconds tops, and I can’t think of a single time when I’ve been wrong being quick on the nope button in my head. But every once in a while, there are people that wow me, or at least I think are OK, then only with time do I realize, “Uh-oh!!” One in particular, who wowed me in a good way, did a betrayal so out of nowhere, and so egregious, that I could understand a multi-year Ni-Ti loop from an HSP. I can only hope I never get to experience that sort of aftermath, but if it comes, it comes, and if I can play a role in pre-empting the length of such a loop, great. You never should feel guilty or ashamed for trusting a parent or close loved one like that. Furthermore, if a loved one recommends someone that eventually goes nuts or even full Cluster B, it should be understood by the betrayed person that the loved one who put forth the betrayer most likely never intended to cause such hurt and pain in your soul, and that if they knew what would come, he or she wouldn’t have ever recommended the betrayer. It’s good to hear that you found someone worth your while, and I wish you and your wife long-continued joy and happiness.
@@EMichaelBall thank you. I would say trust your gut, it's better to be wrong about someone than regret. As an older INFJ, I have found that 98% of the time I have been accurate in my assessment. My wife has learned as far as my kids go, to trust my instincs.
@John Dykes “Trust your gut” makes sense, but only so far. Some people don’t have great picker outers, or great instincts in general. How can the parent(s) know that their child has the proper judgment to do the picking? Or maybe the parent sees someone who seems so good, they can’t help themselves, especially if they’re picking for a daughter and he’s rich. What could go wrong? On the other hand, what if that rich man’s a decent guy? (A few do exist.) I recently read of a Bachelor franchise alum who married someone (I don’t know how they met) whose face gave me a good vibe, before I found out that he’s loaded (dad owns a horse breeder), and realized, “Oh, now I get it!” Hopefully he didn’t woo her by love bombing, including taking her on multiple exotic vacations! Then for some among those religious who do have good natural instincts, there’s gut instinct vs. “honor thy mother and father”, especially if the child has a good relationship with their parents. Father knows best, right? So notably for them, I still can’t blame you on your decision to initially trust others. You took the bird in the hand; most times, this strategy works out reasonably well.
I am a demisexua all points were true for me especially staying far away from the hook up culture, a definite sapiisexual and also analyzing future possibilities and I pay attention to how they interact with others especially those whom don't persay fit social standards.
I always thought I was bad at sealing the deal until I realized I subconsciously wasn't into being intimate with people I didn't have an emotional attachment to. I realized that with my few " hookups" I got grossed out and bailed before anyone finished.
I did a personality quiz at 15 and I came out INFJ and on reading this from my diary At 47 I came out just the same. Always felt like an outsider. These videos make sense.
There’s someone I’ve typed an INFJ who I’ve never met and, for all I know, might never meet that, if she’s going through anything like I suspect she might be going through, I’d like to give her a good, long hug.
Yes! When younger I was so judgemental of hook-up culture and cheaters. Could not believe anyone could truly enjoy it and though it had to be unhealthy. Now know I'm just not wired to understand it.
Damn it ! I now know why I'm Spock 🖖 , logic and intelligence are at the top of my list for requirements in a person 😘 those and humour , I like a person who can make me laugh 😃
I'm INFJ, but just a regular asexual. I do relate with waiting until a strong bond is formed with someone before I engage in that level of physical intimacy, though.
This hss been a revelation, I thought that there was something amiss with me. I have always found intelligence in a man so important, if they were attractive well a bonus. I have great difficulty opening up to just anybody, again I found myself on the outside when I just could not expose my feelings to just anybody, people have in the past found me cold and unresponsive in social situations. I once tried a singles club, got turned off by the desperation of it all, went home to the comfort of my bed and a book. This has been a revelation knowing that I am not so weird after all I wish I had found all this out a long time ago, it is a revelation too late in my life but it brings me happiness knowing that there was a reason for my behaviour.
This is so accurate, I loved it ❤. The truth is the only way to someone wins my heart is through brainstorm. I just can’t help don’t talk about patterns, ideas an concepts.
All of them. It makes sense as to why I hate the thought of sex for sex sake. There is no hope for us in todays world. That is both depressing and relieving at the same time.
Yep, you nailed it. All of our tertiary extroverted senses go into that and sense that the stress function, it has to literally approve, and so the ni won’t even bother without it. Cause that’s how we see and view and encounter the world. Twelve years in she’s still the easiest thang to stay faithful to. I just don’t see the problem.
I've been comfortable with myself for a long time and I didn't even realized this may be my personality type until I came across videos like this. I've always thought you are all that you are, with self labeling being sometimes restrictive and constrictive. Different situations and different people require different responses and engagements. These videos are illuminating.
victor p, You need to take the MBTI test or commonly known as Meyers Briggs Personality Test. You will get results that explain what your type reveals.
The older I get the more I require a person to display genuine kindness towards others (like strangers) and some display of greater intellegancy. A person incapable of problem solving or reading situations is frustraiting and draining. A person who isn't kind is distasteful. A person who can't form an original thought is boring. I'd rather being alone than with someone who can't understand. I recall a time when my peers and I were being asked what was the kindest thing we had ever done; I had so many things to ponder and seeing that it took everyone else time to think of something gave me hope, till they all started replying that they were nice to their current parters at the time. I never told them that I thought less of them after that. It is good to be kind to your partner, but I don't think that should be the kindest thing you ever do; especially for a generation obsessed with the idea of changing the world. I started volunteering at a hospice facility in high school to support a classmate I barely knew because he was struggling with the loss of his grandparents. I ended up continueing to do it long after he'd left school. Walking ladys in wheelchairs to see just one more Christmas play before they passed within the next couple months. I sat and listened to people tell incoherent stories, holding their hands, smiling, and just listenning to them so that they could feel heard one final time. I bought food for the homelss digging through trashcans in Winter, despite barely being able to afford going to a community college myself. I saw that their plight was worse and that I could help in that moment. I gave up part of my Summer to be a camp counselor for children in fostercare who'd been abused. These were the types of things I expected from my peers, not "I buy food for my partner sometimes."
This is scary. I don’t feel like an odd ball anymore yet I feel totally weird being that I spend my whole life questioning my personality, and morals. Why it was so different from others and why it was always so hard to keep a true friend group and or healthy relationship. It’s seeing what others don’t see on a level that is unnecessary to look into yet trying to express or explain to other people what we see/ feel and know at the core only turns people away and makes us come off as blunt or Cruel. our minds work in such a maze manor that not only are we in a deeply guided thought processing state minute by minute. We feel and see/ look into everything, but as the saying goes… you never go in a woman’s purse because you aren’t gonna like what you find. It’s the overthinking and questioning everything that kills.
I am an infg but do what 🤷♀️ Everybody is different, every human being is unique. I really do not get why soo many infgs would stress out their unusualness.
So much of this video rang true for me and how I've picked partners in the past and how I view people. I've been with my partner for 18years now. He is an ENFJ but not very high on the E. We were friends first for a few years before he took the next step. We bring out the best in each other but can also be enablers as we just want to make the other happy 😅
Pretty much the same for me. If I can't connect on an intellectual and spiritual level then I find myself feeling like I'm wasting my time with the person. I've never really known why my dating life and such has been so difficult until a few years ago. Everyone I've known has always said "You're standards are too high" or w/e, but I was always of the opinion that their standards were too low - swiping right on Tinder is not exactly what I would call complex or romantic.
I always felt weird about my self until i found out that i am an INFJ there after i started just accepting who i was and realised my wirdness was just me learning ore of my personality type just enforces more of me and my weirdnes i love being me
This is the most accurate description of my feeling. Some people have warped there interaction with me so far I find myself laughing historically surely they can't see me.
I'm not a fan of those videos on labels, but this one is quite accurate. Hook up culture... I can feel everyone's "showers of regrets" that darkens their souls when they say they had one. That demi sexual thing... True at only 150% because I have visited the extra 50% needed within to know if it will be 100% memorable with her.
I'm a infj but I'm not demisexual at all. I get attracted to women a lot. However I do intensely crave emotional bonding. An emotional bond with someone is extremely important to me.
Thank you. I learned something new today. Did not know anything about these classifications. Now I do. Funny, I have been practicing these aspects subconsciously unknowingly since my adolescence. Thanks for creating this video and the educational content.
💯💯💯👏👏👏 omg this is me!!! Thank you for sharing this. I’ve always known I had this personality type but I didn’t understand that this is why I’m this way sexually.
I’m likely infj and also asexual (no attraction whatsoever). However, I don’t think neither asexual nor other orientations have to do with any specific personality type. But this is a good representation for the asexual community. So thank you for mentioning this seemingly rare and less spoken about orientation.
I alway's believed you found "the one" and stayed with them for the rest of your life. I had never heard the term demisexual so I had to look it up. I agree that I am attracted to more than good looks, kindness and intelligence play a big part in what attracts me. Traditional good looks are fine, but it is the personality that makes a person attractive. This video is absolutely true. Those people who go bed hopping hold no interest for me. My personal life is very private.
