8 Ways To Outsmart The Controlling Narcissist 

it will hurt for some time to be unfairly shunned by a group who have fallen for the narcissists lies. My only consolation was to accept that these people were not Fair Friendship material so i had to eventually let them go so that i could live in my own dignified reality. Thank u for helping me to See the patterns so that i do not allow the punishment of Her highness the Narcissist's chaotic drama to rattle my cage with her flying monkeys. In fact - they r the ones in the convoluted cage. It has taken me 5 yrs. to calm down into my own Validation. Belonging & acceptance r not easy to find but now i know where not to hang around. The sooner we can spot toxic behaviours the easier it becomes to hang onto Our true peaceful Selves!

Or as I like to say it, "You will always be their bitch".

Depends who they are, unless you want to be an atomaton

@@dianedeclare8541 yep. toxic behaviors to look out for: - can't handle any kind of constructive criticism, especially from someone they perceive as "inferior" to them. - they truly believe they are better than you in all aspects of life - very proud with zero humility & zero gratitude for the help they've received in life. They truly believe they are a "self made" success. - gossiping non stop about others - all knowing arrogance & pompous proud behavior - snooty & snobbish and always looking down their noses at you or others - Can dish it out non-stop, but can't take it in when you finally put your foot down out of self respect and no longer allow them to bully you. - quick to speak, quick to interrupt, quick to anger when you don't adhere to their plan, - can't handle any kind of embarrassment with calmness & class - boasting & bragging constantly about their own accomplishments - gossiping about others - devaluation or invalidating others who aren't present to defend themselves

@@jsf8145 Yes, all of the above but we should NEVER treat these people with anger, as if they are normal people, they are not! This is someone who has a personality disorder, a person whose only way to fulfil their unconscious unmet needs is to dominate others and control reality without the capacity to see how their behaviour affects others. The only way to be able to manager them and their behaviour is to manage ourselves and how we perceive them, with a detached awareness of their mental disturbance, so as not to get caught up in their drama.

*small and weak. Nothing big about them apart from the issues they have

Absolutely and they are also very weak and fragile.

And lacking functioning brain cells.

My wife is one of em

They are INSANELY insecure. So i just laugh at them. They think they have the upper hand. They say things that dont make sense or are completely senseless in general/have nothing to do with what is being argued about. Complete losers

Which causes us to walk on eggshells even in the calm moments

I call this "walking on glass eggshells"

Everything is correct... If I just blink wrong, it means something against that person.. aka my mother..

You got that right! Even the most bland comment of basic facts.

But why do narcissist have sycophantic friends ???

Oooh...I like

@@monikaazariah9237 me too!

This is my favourite too! 🙂

Wow. This is my new self mantra.. thank you..

@Lallie - Another version of it is : "What you think of me is none of my business".

Me too for 35yrs!

I spent 30 years in the same situation. Finally got away on my own. Took over my son's other house for myself to live quietly. Then my son told his dad...who was needing a place to stay." Just move in with mom and help her pay the bills by splitting it 50/50. No one told or asked me. Next thing I know I came home from work to find he moved in. Now I can't get rid of this horrible roommate. Typical fashion when I ask him to move out I get the controlling threats and how I owe him for 30 years of him supporting me and the children and just try to make him leave. Ugh! Can we ever get rid of the manipulative, insulting, merciless narcissistic?

@@mimiv3088 If you find that you can't make him give up on you for supply, the only thing left is to move out. Find your own place that you know no one but you can make decisions for. Everything you build must be yours, and yours only. It's the only way to be independent and free from narcissist leverage.

@@mimiv3088 you poor thing. ugh! finally found peace and then here he comes again!! thank God I have my own place. I'm in Maryland. what state do you live in?

Mimi v, you must find another place. even if it is small. it'll be your own. hang in there.

Had a boss like that. He had no influence over me so he tried to dominate me, and I just laughed at him.

SkyHug 💝

Amen!

Yup. I have one that tries to outsmart me on facebook. Long story short, he turned out to be a huge globalist traitor to our country, so I deal with it to wake other people up that are surrounded by this cry baby all about me person. Slowly getting him to show the real true colors. He did the fake victim thing that it is my fault he would not return my calls from months ago. I was calling to ask him about what he had done and lied to my face for months. So, I called out the facts and told him to stop the victim attitude and man up. I am sure smoke is coming out of his ears. I do not care what he has to say and I will just leave it there. It is meant for other people to see and question what the hell is going on.

Yeah I can be trying to explain myself but she hardly lets me get a word out at times.

​@@JES0484 do you know what they do then when you won't argue? They physically block the room so you can't leave!! My dad did that twice!!

​@@emmajane646These "dads"..we didn't need them..

Exactly!

Not being angry, well then they will try push my buttons some other way. Perhaps they lock me up so I am forced to give it attention as it pleases. That is a risk to not get upset.

I won't stoop to the narcissist's low level!(Dad-narcissist). My win!

They hate feeling irrelevant. Dr. C

Yup. True dat

I pretend my former controlling narcissistic friend is a sheet of plexiglass.

@@BlackfoxCritterGlitter nice! 👍🏼

This doesn't work for me, my husband will start poking my knee with his finger until I look up at him.

OMG sooooo true

Wondering..are Narcissist capable of murder?

Well said

You nailed it!!

Domestic terrorism

That's my mom

readersea i knew someobe who used to say....well YOU seem awfully happy today. lol

Almost everyone I know. Family, co workers. If I say goodmorning and smile they grimace and respond with what do you have to be happy about? Most of these people have some kind of substance abuse.

That’s my husband

Great video, listened more than once! You really highlight the truth.

He gets to think anything he wants. You know the truth. Dr. C

walk away , they never change.

They all know he’s a jerk and why you left. Stay strong!

I left on and stopped talking to him on Sunday. And he said u stopped talking to me because u choose that.

I didn't know he was narcissist and covert, and just found out on sun. I looked in our conversation and get together, and I felt off because I'm an super empth and then I stopped talking and everything.

I've experienced that for 13 years

@@monikaazariah9237 don't take it another 13 years.. take it from all on here.. u don't deserve that.. just get away from people like that!!!

@@monikaazariah9237 If this is a loved one, you could try pointing out that a conversation is between 2 people and they both get to speak. (In a nice way, of course) If that doesn't work, ask them if they want you to be a participant in the conversation or do they just want you to listen to their monologue. Sometimes even narcissists want to get things off their chest. Otherwise if just want to hear themselves talk, make an excuse, like a bathroom break.

My mother exactly same. All she does is shouts at me, "Let me speak, "shut up." U are only here to hurt me". Then she'll cut across u when u try answer her question. Discard is very rude when trying to speak. Especially when its my mother. Then if I try speak to her she cut in the sentence before u finish it "Im sick of u planing to hurt me all the time, you have an evil heart". I'm like where on earth did u get a evil thought like that from. Mam I love u but u never let me speak its really hurtful, harmful too as I'm only learning to deal with all the awareness i have since 19yrs old when I went away to study behaviour analysis and about narks and when I got home I wasn't her supply anymore I pulled her up on her behaviour s well world war 3 had begun. Half way through she'll cut u off saying u are always at me im too old for this and I'm sick from u. Oh my goodness I just stay alone because I am trying to get my life back on track I don't care for anything that trys to rob my peace of mind ill walk away. I actually can't stand ppl taking about others too, I became enemy for that with an old nark friend would play victim, lies, maliplation and discards u. I lost two my fiance s im 37yrs old. My 1st fiance 12yrs died in my arms at 26yrs I was he 32yr. Sudden adult death syndrome. I met Lawrence 3yrs later and he was total socaptic covent nark. He died 3yrs ago 30yrs old suicide, he done it trying to hurt me. I left him, Then he moved into the same building as me, Then he tried to be my friend again but I kept my boundaries. He died on my way back from shop. So I am sticking to God and my down fall is im I.n.f.j and I feel people's pain. I lost a lot in life but trying to build again alone,I am a bible believing baptised Church, it is my start and I'm free from all that pain I once was in praise the Lord I saw the light. God bless you 🙏 all. Thanks to u all🥰😍

@@lisamarieromeo6122 Turning and choosing to follow Jesus is a good start, followed up with trusting in God, vengeance is of the Lords and most importantly turning the other cheek (keeping your emotions in check) knowing only God defines who you are.

JFC this is so true. Immediately induces rage.

Omg I’m in this situation ☹️

Mine that..I simply told him that’s his opinion..his opinion isn’t the only opinion.it doesn’t change who I know myself to be..it’s what I say I am..not what he says I am

Sooo true. This is my mom

Like right...tf

Right but at our life expence

Amen to that

Yes but the hard way of learning a lesson!!!

Amen!

@@seaninlondon4424 trees can also be internally damaged by a storm Especially A Child of a Narcissist 🥺

Ahh! The trick is in recognising they NEVER loved us. Narcissists are incapable of love. It hurts when we finally see we were played, used and abused. But it sets us free emotionally and from that point on we can start to make some decisions as to where we want to go. How we want to deal with it.

They NEVER love us...they never love anyone. They use, abuse, ghost, hoover, and love bomb. Again and again

Yes!

@@mightymouse1005 yep👍👏

Good for you!. It's so strange but they're uncapable to love in the first place. I don't understand that.They only want to destroy...... Are they demons?

My favorite: You are Not the person I base my self esteem on.

Yes I great quite I also have not heard...and the information is so good.

So true

i think Mark Twain said about the same thing.... i've been through challenge.... but god bless RU-vid and Self Development videos... and Dr.C

Spoken like a sage

That's a great saying and so true. Narcissist survivors are the strongest peope in the world and leave the narcissist in the dust. They can never move on but we can and we do.

💯💯💯

😄😄😄

Facts

YAHsome!!

You've clearly never done therapy

....Even if it costs you everything...💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯😎🥳💅🖤

Hard when kids are involved

See this is the daily threats that I have to deal with.. I'm NOT trying to be difficult but when it comes to my children let's just say (I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THAT) That's not a threat that is a Promise!!! It KNOWS that???????????????

I'm in the process of doing that right now it's gonna cost me financially but I'm going to be OK.

Well-put

jcsrst - and get the heck out of the relationship !

A narcissist doesn't respect boundaries. Clear or otherwise. They just enjoy running you over and showing how boundaries have zero effect on them. They are vicious haters who want nothing more than to tear down any boundaries you try to put up for yourself and your sanity.

@@mimiv3088 That's not having boundaries.

Keep your distance is the only way.

If your parent was a narcissist, you don't even learn how the hell to that

For sure👍

i annoy the hell out of them and complement them whilst hinting at their narcissistic injury

Exactly!

C Powers - "Killing them with kindness" causes them to increase their abusive ways because they are not getting their desired effect.

What they actually mean is grovel to them...

Avoiding eye contact with the ex after I got out sent him into a tailspin 🤭

I do this no eye contact thing....it drives them.crazyyyyy

Engaging in the "I'll ignore you so hard, you'll doubt your own existence" method works wonders. They simply can't stand it. And it's beautiful.

@@mish375 Indeed! The beautiful thing about this method is that they lose control and power over you once you show indifference, and if they dare try to gaslight or harm you when they realize this, the law, video recording, and police are by your side, sounds like a victory to me.

@@logicandreason9935 The funny part is, during a zoom call with my grandma a while back, my narcissist sister tried to fight with me about the efficiency of the cov vaccines just because she likes to fight for control. I shut her down with facts and then ignored her and started talking to other relatives like it never happened as she tried to get the final word in. It made her so angry that I simply didn't give a sh*t! 😅 I've cut her out of my life and it was the best thing for me. They can't believe that someone wouldn't want their attention! And when they don't get it, they're forced to take their parasitic personalities elsewhere.

He's trying to get a response from me I am not allowing him to get what he wants.. ONLY by the grace of GOD my tongue is muzzled and God's divine supernatural protection surrounds me although this is a very hard place to be right now. I don't know what's coming but I know he is defeated in the name of Jesus.

Yes! the best thing I ever did was finally seek help on loving me. Once I did that, the explaining, need to verbally defend myself and allowing ppl to get me emotionally drawn into their senseless agendas stopped. This is something I still work on of course, but they'll move on fast because I go def now! Seriously.

LOVE life. No need for validation from others. Thank you for sharing

So very very true

Also, you find that you don't have to sit there and listen, just tell them you have something to do and leave!

Just let go of how they make you feel. It will be empowering. Nurture what makes you happy within without hurting others. Make special time to enjoy what makes you feel good.

Mine did too! Crazy right?

Bless you❤️

Mine made this sick tee hee sound while making faces when I joyfully laughed. Now I’m laughing all the way to the bank 🏦 Haven’t seen her in 20 years

My father. Laughter would set him off, nobody ever made any jokes in the house, not when he was around.

Aw...that’s awful for a child.... hugs to you💜she was harmed seriously... you are stronger and more evolved🙏🏼💝

I keep saying "narcissistic abuse" and her eyes glaze over. Shouldn't a therapist be interested in learning new things? Good grief, as an educator it's vital that I keep learning. It's discouraging that she won't educate herself about this.

Doctor Carter is a psychotherapist who specialises in healing from narcissism

Dr Carder is the Bomb !

These people are demon dominated by satanic ghouls and evil spirits...they are their own destruction

Getting the narcissists out of my life has transformed it. This is the happiest I’ve been in my entire life this side of puberty. All of a sudden, I’m getting all kinds of compliments on my looks and I believe it’s just a new confidence and joy that is coming from my newfound peace. ✨✨✨

Your right Narcissistics are demons,or close to it,they make peoples lives hell

Yup same

@@geraldinegallegos6146 they’re the demons Jesus was talking about

Yes that's true. My narcissist aunt will never admit her mistakes. Instead, she'll fake herself up as the righteous person and also acts as a poor victim. She'll put the blame back on other people. And yes, she always insult other people and berated them especially if they disagree with her unwanted opinions. I've stopped all contact with her and told my parents to minimise theirs too. My parents complain less by now compared to before. They are more happy. Before this, they just let the narcissist aunt to intrude everything in our lives just to keep the peace on the surface but ending up neglecting our own feelings and be miserable. I told my parents to stop entertaining her chronic complains, to stop accepting all her negative critics, to stop helping her, to stop giving her money and to stop lending her items which she never return anyway. Just say NO to her and stop. My older brother who lives with that aunt in my late grandmother's house is too naive and way too forgiving. I don't know how he can turn his eyes blind to all the terrible things that she has done. She had always been insulting my late grandparents and stole a lot of their money. Now she even self claimed the house although it legally belongs to my uncle. My older brother has been constantly preaching me to ask for forgiveness from that aunt. He also said that I'm full of hatred. Well, he preached the wrong person. I strongly refused. I stick to my opinion to have zero contact with her and he needs to respect that. I think I even need to avoid my own brother because no matter how bad that woman is, he'll be brainwashed by her over and over again. I see that he has been financially manipulated by her and also in term of physical labour. He is her ultimate victim and I don't think she'll ever let him leave the house and her. That's his choice. I don't want to be like him. I think it's fine to embrace hatred feeling if that particular person has done evil things to you and shows no remorse. Hate is not a taboo. Sometimes you forgive, but sometimes you just don't. So yes, narcissist gets more evil as they aged and won't change. Just give up on them and walk away.

@@hadotonini1189 great post and a glimpse of the coming end game of narcissism. When the narc team runs out of steam! It's fun to watch. I think it's ok to be angry at your perpetrator. And to have the discipline to turn it in a positive direction. But mostly, writing them off as a lost cause (some call it forgiveness) works the best. Because when the narc team runs out of steam, you've long since passed them by. Living well is the best revenge. It just doesnt matter what they think.😴

@@wandah9468 Thanks for your insight! I appreciate it.

@@hadotonini1189 Only narcissist I need in my life are all those Brecks daffodils I planted last week!😍🏵darn no daffodil emoji!!!

Oh my 100% teue. 43 years and I'm full of guilt.....for nothing. For having feelings . I couldn't grieve my mum at 8 years old coz it wasn't my loss it was my dad's. And I don't matter. HE does, I'm just a child who is not aware of Anything and should be seen and not heard. He lost his partner I didn't lose anything coz he is still here suffering his loss, nobody else lost anything as much as he did. I love him clearly coz I'm not a narc. For the first time in 35 years I now know why I was not allowed to go to my mum's funeral. Not to save me but, to make sure he got all the attention & sympathy .... see I feel guilty about saying that. Guilty for everything. No wonder I'm a wreck... Or am I?? I don't know ?????? Xxx

What was the first red flag?

I thought about that too",but I was hoping he would change..I dont think that he will ever change..its too bad:a real good looking man with the ugliest of personality disorders.hang in there,I will say a prayer for you..

We as women in our world today have to look out for ourselves..be strong..but stay strong..we must think about our hearts before they get broken..we ARE"capable of doing great things alone..sure it was nice to have a man,but it's not worth the ride to an untimely place of loneliness and unstableness..We are smart,strong,and we got this"..good luck to you out there who have recent turmoil with our men. ♡♡♡♡Happy valentines day to you women who are just like me..and have gone thru things as I did. Things are going to be allright..let us not let any one make us feel like like we cannot do things our way..our own way. God bless each of you,and never ever give up.I am on your side..feel freely to text me any time.i gave 35 yrs to someone who didnt know I was there..

And me 15 years

Always pay attention to those 'red flags'.

I always felt that living with a narcissist husband compares to taking a slow killing poison daily

I’ve said this as well. He turned that around too. It became an hour of what he has endured with me since knowing me. I pointed out how does 3 1/2 hours of screaming everything he hates about me “even my tears, my prayers “ Add up to incredible love I’ll never understand as well as like flipping a switch he calmly began telling me “ now that’s hate I was merely irritated and you need to understand the difference. As well as, He wanted me to promise to focus on not irritating him or He will have to explain it again until I get it.

@@klaraterzic3910 like mercury poisoning. It happens so slowly, you don't even know you have it. Until you become sick. Then it's usually too late. Much like being married to a narcissist. Although it's never too late to finally get rid of one.

@@lealundquist6907 a true narcissist will have you apologizing for the stupidest things, right? Like, "I'm so sorry I made you hit me", lol. A conversation with a narcissist is hard work. A disagreement is impossible.

@@janniedotson9559 yeah like my repenting and asking forgiveness for the unclean spirit that I subjected him too while in a falling apart depressive state of mind. My God! Apologizing for the ill affect it had in him. Then I reallllly got it !!! After he sweetly thanked me and applauded . Then moved in to tell me what he’s endured with me divorcing him moving away etc. I finally put up my hand and said stop ✋ this stops now I will not take this Abuse 1min longer not even 30 min after. The orayful getting through the fall apart. I left blocked him again. That evening in my email He sent a video “ Reasons why God does not want you to give up hope and want you to rebuild your marriage. I deleted set to spam selected block contact but still can not figure out the auto empty set up so I have to open and delete. I have to stay no contact. It’s like listening allowing hope to take root then showing up to be trampled on.

What's the resolution?

Run while you can. Sadly that's the only way. The Narc will not change. And if you can't run, ignore them till they die.

Did you mean they can't stand to be ignored? sometimes trying to ignore a narc is like trying to ignore a bee up your backside, so not easy.

Raymond Garafano So so true

@@raymondgarafano8604 I've had my Narc Neighbor on ignore now for 4 years, and it's driving her crazier than she already was. She continues on trying to verbally attack me if she see's me out behind my garage because she figures she's out of range of the Security Camera's I installed on my house because of her. Although it's still hard to ignore, once I get over her initial "attempts to verbally attack me yet again, I have to laugh at her stupidity really. She gets absolutely NO ATTENTION from me

Then they say " you never talk to me anymore!" And try to make an argument out of that instead of wondering the real reason we go gray rock or not contact 🤦‍♀️

Destiny Maxson Exactly,my narcs fav default comment since I've really been grey rocking,our problem with our relationship has always been my failure to communicate

Perfect!

When you stop caring for/about them the punishments go down even harder and more cruel! !

keep dropping the ball.

@@Rebel6832 I hear that! Still reeling from the latest smack down. Takes more than a few deep breaths. Hope y'all are finding your wings out of it =)

Archon BUSTER Agree! Remove all empathy/sympathy for them!

haha me too

same here...now shes onto my son.

I know just how you feel Karen..... we’ve survived! Good luck to you!

Me too... My mother lived for my failures... she loved stating how she was better than me at everything... Luckily I had a father who was very happy and humorous and never understood their relationship as total opposites.

Me too

Nancy Clay ugh the denial

I can totally relate. During a road trip with my narcissistic sister I was crocheting. She said, "Put that shit down and look at this building."

I hear you. I used to get, "Wrestling is stupid and only idiots watch it." So I decided to shove it up my Mother's arse and move to Calgary in 1995 to go to Stu Hart's wrestling school. I broke my neck part way through training and had to give it up, but I have no regrets whatsoever that I tried. And, I couldn't care less what she thinks.

@@gordonmckay4780 how sad that this behaviour goes on..I was abused by narcissists in family. .My mother used to be covert but could no longer hide..or rather,,G-d showed me finally..or I was able to see it..define it..and deal and cope better ..

Nancy Clay - good on you. An old boss I had many years ago, who I liked and respected, was dislexic and had suffered years of ridicule for it. He once gave me a cracking bit of advice when I was being pulled down by some around me: "Success is the best revenge son." What we define as success depends on who we are of course. So go create Nancy, have a ball doing it and be happy. It will torture your narc to their grave☺.

LOL

229 of them!! I liked it.

Yes it probably is narcissists because they need to know what the rest of us are learning about them to try to circumvent it.

Do narcissist know what they are ?

😂🇮🇪👍🏼I agree

Christina Maguire,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

Exactly!

Yes the flying monkeys he mentioned. But as he points out that's kind of a screen for people that are people you know maybe not the kind of people you really want to be very close to anyway

@@oscarwilliamson1264 Thank you.

@@carolmoore1038 That's true. I have had to let those shallow "friendships" go. I let THEM figure out who he really was on their own...instead of me trying to convince them of his narcissism. It took some a few years to realize his true side. By that time, he had burned his bridges with those friends and moved on to a new set of friends who haven't figured him out. Sad way to live.

agree

m0L3ify Also not caring about them At All helps!

It breaks my heart that anyone lives in a home where you have to constantly stay on guard and develop strategies just to survive with your humanity and sanity intact!!!😞

@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 I grew up that way. Trying to avoid mom's rages as a small child was like growing up in a war zone. Every word, breath, and move could trigger a land mine. :(

@@m0L3ify I think that's the saddest case of all. A child growing up with emotionally and mentally game-playing parents. These are your basic formative years. And your parents are the ones you look to to make you feel unconditionally loved and protected. How Very Sad that this was your childhood instead. I truly hope you have developed a strong and loving support system around you, sweetie.

Soooooo pissed!

So true. Lol. The second I whip out my phone acting like I'm recording.. instant clam closed

Omg so true. They shut down almost as if they know that what they are doing is wrong and deathly afraid that others will know

Good idea

Calling them out on social media drives them crazy

So pleased for this feedback. Keep leaning forward! Dr. C

For me too.. Thanks from the bottom of my heart ! Always a smile of hope comes on me when I finish watching your videos

Same here!

i agree. when im serving the outsmart im going to think about his giggle :)

You absolutely can outsmart a Narc...show them that you--as Dr Carter says--dont have to get in the box they have for you to get in...🖤💯

@@ilae.williams7675 won’t that piss em off somethin fierce?

When I quit talking to my Mother it did wonders for both my blood pressure, and my sanity.

Restraining order.

DAVID MATHEWS/The Minerals ....👍

That’s the dream. Not always possible though at least not right away. My narc would destroy my life and our kids’ lives if I left. Narcs have the easiest time fooling the courts in custody. Also mine hordes all our money and caused me to lose my last job and car with his BS. So I can’t just leave with no money and no safe place to take my kids. Once they leave for collage or to live their live I’m running for the hills 🏃‍♀️💨💨💨

@@vibe_oli Thank God I didn't have kids in the mix.

💗

Same story, I have a rigid screening process for even acquaintances now

Pray that im free of them too veronica

@@hotspark78 That's great and I'm going to practice it more from now on! I thought that I'd meet a lot of empathetic people at AA and NA meetings, which wasn't the case at all. I know not to expect anything from the new people; however, it wasn't too much to ask in regard to the ones who stopped drinking etc years ago. I ended up leaving, but I understand why most stay narcissistic, as I don't like to judge others. 🙂

Me too

Gray rock. Dr. C

...."you just shut that down before they get started"...Boom, there it is!💯

..."the thing they hate the most is you dont care what they think"...💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💅🥳😎

How do you handle a mother that does things that she know it goes under your skin. Like telling her not to put the puppy on a high chair because he can injure himself or things that you have mentioned a million times but she still does it.

@@MrDolcevita1 At this point I would treat her like a 2 year old and don't give her the opportunity to be in those situations. Like just feed the puppy yourself. It's hard to be the adult in the room when you're sure that she does things just to piss you off, but if you make her see that she's acting like a 2 year old, she might stop. Good luck!

...and you are wasting your precious life if you think your daughter or wife is going to change, run and dont look back.. or maybe stick around awhile, and watch it become more poisonous, and after you see that horror long enough, nobody will have to tell you to run...you will run with no prompting...

It’s so hard when you have kids with them - I have two kids with my exhusband and while divorcing him was good for me, I continue to live in anxiety as we coparent our young kids. Wish I had never met him - honestly

I separated from my narcissistic husband back in April. He just got off the phone with my animal loving daughter who told her that she can't have her dogs! She is now heartbroken and crying! 😭 I too wish that I had never met this narcissistic toxic person. 😔

@@amandafitzgerald3272 if they are her Dogs have someone get them out of there when he is not at Home, A Rescue Shelter and Police if need be. Also try to get away as far as u can for your Kids and Animals Protection.

@@SavedByJesus4HeimatLiebe Thank you! We have since gotten one of the dogs. Unfortunately, the other one mysteriously disappeared. 😢 I have also changed my phone number and have tried to cut all ties.

Run....it’s never too late!

36 years for me and just discovering what this relationship has done to me.

Yup my husband is doing that right now.

Yes! The "Discard"! Cruelty, Slandering, & Disrespect for you as a human being... Malicious!

So true! As soon as you have had enough and take a stand your the jerk. Its sad really when it is people you love, but yes we have to take care of ourselves.

Yes did it..and am happy now.

yessssssssssss!!

Not an option when it’s your employer.

Fran Villarreal 43 years. 😱

No more confusion. God is not the author of confusion. May God bless you!

Fran Villarreal....you will grow into what you are ....a decent lady...and the best mother. May God bless you..sweetheart.

I love u..

Fran I was with a Narcassist for 22 years and 3 years later I’m still trying to get him to do a property settlement while he moved his then girlfriend (now 4th wife into our marital home he still lives in!!) My philosophy is I won’t be the same ......I’ll BE BETTER!!!! and I hope this for you as well. Keep growing 😊

My daughter just told my mom that she said she’s done engaging with her. She’s tiered of defending me and everyone else and feeling guilty when she doesn’t… It’s sad my mom can’t just stop putting everyone down talking about them disparaging them. She just is happiest when someone fails or has trouble. She almost gloats at someone else’s pain. Any other time she’s bitter n angry that’s it… but man if someone has a tough circumstance she gets off on their misery. It’s definitely made me feel so low at times and not good enough and trapped. Not anymore I’m done just ignoring and making excuses for her. The truth is she is a horrible person and she wishes horrible things on others. She’s miserable and the hell she lives in is her own creation. Im with my daughter I’m just done, I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t it’s so exhausting.

​@@KTF7324 my dad once said 'i only feel good if someone else is suffering'. Sadism is a huge part of the malignant narc.

Wow ! You are such a Survivor I could not imagine having parents like this and having no way to quit leave or move out as a child. Thank Goodness! ! you were strong enough to see through it!! And to realize the manipulating games that they play

I could have written your comment word for word...For me the hardest time was realizing my syblings were going along ..not stepping up to help me and not enable them..After a few years of this traumatic ordeal. .I no longer have them in my life..They are concerned with casting me out and waiting for my dad to pass to get money...sick souls.

I didn’t figure any of this out until living with my daughter, had already cut off my father (one year before). I was raised by narcs, married one and am the mother of one. Lots of healing and learning. I never really knew what narcissism meant until my daughter just broke my heart and I started looking for answers. For years I thought I am crazy, a loser blah blah blah, then when my own grown child displayed the same behavior towards her husband and children. At 62, I am right there with you. NO CONTACT. Its crucial to our survival.

Barbara Christie your comment is what I feel is in my grandsons heart and how he feels as an 8 year old when it comes to his mom (my daughter). I don’t know what to do for him. I don’t know what to do. I cry every night.

@@cyndimcgrath9617 Thank goodness he has a loving grandma! Love and encouragement are so powerful! I hope he gets to have extended visits with you.

Angela Hagerman I married into a narc family cult too...took me 19yrs before I gained the knowledge of who they truly are and filed for divorce. Was yours a son-husband to his mommy dearest too? Sick, toxic individuals and I’m so happy to finally be free of that crazy making circus and all their flying monkeys!

@@mermaidlorelei1045 Oh, my - yes! My mother-in-law is a vicious, controlling narc and in the family dynamic my husband is the scapegoat. Originally I went into therapy to try and cope with my narc MIL but my therapist made me realize my husband is a covert narc deeply enmeshed with his mother and in a toxic, emotionally incestuous relationship. She even buys him underwear, and he buys lingerie for his sister., the "golden one". It's beyond creepy.

@@mrsmallpinky9041 Several years ago we went to couples counseling, the therapist was male, and he worked with both of us until my spouse decided it wasn't worth his time to continue, I continued to go by myself and the therapist told me he was a narc and would never change, and that I needed to leave before my self-esteem was totally destroyed, but I refused to believe it, I kept making excuses for him because his mother is so extremely toxic. More recently, I went for myself and alone because he wouldn't go, because I was allowing my toxic MIL to live inside my head and wanted to find ways to help me cope and to change how I responded to her. As far as why I attract narcs, I came from a very abusive home and experienced a lot of trauma which I don't want to get in to here, but the love bombing in the beginning was what I was craving and I completely romanticized the relationship. I am working on that part of myself and healing my trauma wounds and trying to develop a sense of worth.

@@mrsmallpinky9041 Oh she most definitely did. I met her mother - a very domineering, controlling, unhappy woman. I want to break the cycle so my children can live happier, healthier lives. I recognize the dynamics are unhealthy for all of us.

@@mrsmallpinky9041 I did ask the therapist I am working with now if I am a narc bc I have anger issues and sought help on how I could change. I don't believe all the issues are external to me, so yes, I would guess you are projecting your own issues on to me. My therapist says I am not a narc, I am a codependent with complex trauma. Some of my trauma conditioned me to accept being exploited as normal behavior. I don't want to discuss this on this forum anymore.

100%......u got it all the way down pat

Hi 5. My mom.

icecaper AGREE!!!!

Thats the common term for them ...am surrounded by them

Thanks to Facebutt it’s worse these days with the “Flying Monkeys.”

Yes I agree to flying monkeys I don't believe I've ever heard that expression but this man mr. C explains it exactly as it is. And I absolutely love listening to him

I lost All of my friends and all of her family, they all became flying monkeys to do her evil bidding

You're not alone. Stay safe. X

It takes a while to finally get it. Don’t blame yourself.

I feel the same way!

@@iniubongnkanga9390 this is spam

Same with me.

pastor c bonner

I do have to do that for large chunks at a time, but eventually contact has to happen because he is a brother and we have an aging mother.

@@emryldzt2762 mine is the aging mother 😂 I spend days not speaking to her and cut short her shenanigans when she tries.

@Babs Franklin Don't worry... no contact can also be very limited contact and living separate lives for the most part. Do it as per what feels comfortable to you.

@Babs Franklin Try and keep a support person in contact with you on a regular basis. As long as you have a strong caring person to serve as your sounding-board the Narcs can't exert nearly as much effect on you!!

@Babs Franklin you're most welcome... you'll do great in time 🤗❤️

And pray for them

@@alanaadams7440 Amen.

The problem with that she likes to post at my church reflecting on Gods blessing

@@karma4872 Well that's between her and God you just focus on doing the right thing and you will be alright because God will help you. :)

Amen

Ebby C and they gravitate to insecure people. Or insecure people gravitate towards them.

Ebby C yes driving me crazy

That is what it is All About, staying in your Power

@@welderella True. If you don't crave people's acceptance, the narcissists aren't even gonna approach you.

@Saphyr Docius I can imagine (I genuinely can).

Liz Crowley,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

And/or maybe a paid government troll........

Full Iton Narcissism is caused by poor parenting. That is why narcissist children become narcissist parents.

I don't know if you remember the Dilbert cartoon strip and the pointy headed boss or not. The artist wrote several books. Have your boss read one of those. If he says, "I don't get it." look for another job. I think many people would admit that narcissism is real but the ones that need to heed the insight don't get it. There is an old proverb that says, " Don't rebuke a fool for he will hate you for it."

@@wallylangsford3369 Not always the case. We have learned that first hand. We thought this way also, but not anymore since our son broke that mold on our thinking. It's like our son grew up in a different house than his siblings. Night and day.

It's crazy how people who've been victimized by CN's can relate to almost every trait you bring up. Like you have an immeasurable amount of knowledge about narcissists.

Yes, save yourself by not giving a damn what a rattlesnake thinks...just move like a streak of lightning when you encounter one....💯

Bernice Rogers,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

👏🏽👏🏽 I’m getting better at practicing this. For me I would be in utter shock of how conversations would go wrong, then defend my honor because what he would say was so far fetched... I had to often give myself time to absorb the ridiculousness. I finally just said “Sorry you feel that way” talk to you later 🤷🏽‍♀️. Wasting good brain cells on a broken person who likes to break people. Sheesh.

Omg!!! Absolutely!!! 150%

Anna Teves,I admire your pretty smile ☺️!!

Make them small in your eyes... it's all about shifting your perspective. A good song to memorize is "That's About the Size of It" ...this is something that was on Sesame Street during my childhood... many years ago. It has a catchy upbeat tune, definitely uplifting! I'll try to find a link to it... Here it is! Memorize this jewel: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-2ABxl46Ovv8.html

If they are a crazy zealot type Narcoleptic You gonna need witness protection program.

@@isabelleparise5607 That's a good saying, but I would use lower-case "g" in writing it. Just out of respect for The Almighty God.

@@insertgoodname4809 isn't narcolepsy a sleeping disorder?

@@iwantthetruthandnothingbut6521 yeah narcotization is a real problem.

Yes, I've seen that myself, that when he made me angry and I got all righteous and indignant, he got a rise out of it! I cold not believe it! I could see he was delighted that I was upset and engaged in defending myself. He was getting exactly the result he hoped for! He was feeding off my negative emotion! How horrible! Yeah . . . AVOID!!!

Yes the evil is real. If it wasn't for social norms and consequences, these people will literally pillage and murder. oh I believe it

@@hotspark78 They do this but covertly

I seen that as well laughing at my sadness...😕

Yes my covert loves to see me upset and crying so he can pounce all over me name calling “ you are so sensitive” and “ you cry about everything”…. Now no matter what it is I do not let him see me upset. It just makes him feel good and gives him a way to see me as weak. Im lining up my new apartment and he won’t know until I start packing to move

Thanks again, Brad! Dr. C

We do have it its called gutt feeling and it does work.

@@isabelleparise5607 Yeah but most of us ignored our intuition that's how they gained access and control.

Married my narc at 18 and didn't realize throughout the years that all the hurtful things and emotional abandonment we're because my spouse is a narcissist. Decades later he tries to use my past hurts and vulnerabilities by bringing them up and I do not respond the way my narc expects. I just give a blank stare and then when my narc repeats whatever hurtful thing he was saying I respond with "I got over that years ago but if you haven't then maybe you need to get some help". Of course once he realizes that he couldn't hurt me emotionally then he tries going into the eight year old tantrum and start an argument but I dont take the bait. I've noticed that these incidents are occurring less and less as time goes on.

@@isabelleparise5607 That's becouse people have been tought that it's wrong to judge a book by it's cover. To not see what's in front of them. That honesty is the same as being mean. When kids say someone is ugly, fat or wierd looking. They're scolded for expressing what they see. In our pc society, people will lose their jobs for telling the truth. Scientists/researchers are being censored, when they uncover uncomfortable truths about the human species. Becouse it's not socially acceptable to talk about it. As it implies we're not all equel. To make it short. Your eyes and your gut feeling, is probably right atleast 90% of the time.

Fighting the narcs gives them supply. They love to fight even tho they are cowards. Jesus said "Turn the other cheek". That starves them. Meanwhile...be the best you, you can be. That is how you win. Be good, be happy and do the things that you dream of. Build a good life and you win !!!

@@robertruge2916 I think your my hero, as you wrote the words I needed to see. Now to go watch twilight zone

Priceless

oh snap!! good one!!

Tiffany Gendron ....ha ha lol..... so true

Spicyleo1,You are beautiful 🌹🌺🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

This reminds me of my Mothers relationship with my Grandmother and my Father who my Mother chose to marry. My mother is a Leo. My Grandmother and my Father also affected my life greatly. My Grandmother also got me and my mother to perpetuate the narcassistic treatment we received from her in our relationship with each other without us realising to compound the effects. My Sister also carries narcassistic traits.

Spicyleo1,You deserves better 🙏

A big key to your freedom, is financial independence. Then you can make your move whenever you want to.

I hope you left ASAP.

Cymbolic Human VERY GOOD I HOPE YOU DID & ARE HAPPY NOW! ME IM IN A BATTLE RIGHT NIOW.

Cymbolic Human mine said the exact thing, how foolish of him, if he only knew how empowered I am through videos like this

Mine said"Im going to drive you crazy"

I got him locked up and broke him with my words and discard.

True! Amazing you saw this. I will watch for it in the future.

Omg you’re so right!!! My ex mother in law did that all the time!!!

So true

My mom always did that! And yes, definitely a narc

Giving a house tour is also a cultural custom of certain European cultures. It's especially justified when someone has built their own house or become a hobby collector of antique furnishings. It's also an old-fashioned way of saying, "no attackers hiding in other rooms" sort of thing. But what every Narcissist does that I've noticed is they get too intimate, too fast and thrive off of intensity. It's a means of disarming others. Perhaps the house tour thing would be an example of that "I have nothing to hide" disarming action?

Yes And don't Argue with them. You will just make yourself crazy.

You got it !!

I just did that with the narc colleague who name-called our other colleague who called him out on his BS....that's all I said and ended the conversation 🤣🤣🤣

Try “whatever”

Ooh ...I'm gonna try that "ok" and " whatever " are good ones

Keep leaning forward. I want us to be on the same team!! Dr. C