When A Narcissist Realizes You Refuse To Be Controlled 

Brilliant. I've been doing just that. Keeping myself busy away from the narc.

Yes! That's exactly when I started on this journey a couple of months ago. My mom is a covert narcissist. I never knew what to call it before, I just knew she would rage and scream at me and call me names any time i inconvenienced her or didn't give her her way, or when someone else in her life hurt or inconvenienced her and I was the only person nearby at the time. Or sometimes when nothing at all happened that day but she needed to bring up something that happened 3 years ago or make something up out of nowhere to scream and rage at me about until I was in tears or screaming back trying to be heard. She was always either crying to me about her childhood or how awful my dad was and how she wanted to kill herself, and all sorts of things no parent should be telling their young child. I was always either her only friend and confidant or her worst enemy...just depended on the day. I felt insane and scared and pathetic my whole childhood. I was finally able to.move out at 20 and felt so much better on my own. We were no contact for about 3 months, then slowly started speaking again and things seemed better for awhile. 6 years later all hell broke loose and my parents divorced, and I ended up having to become her caretaker at this point due to financial and physical problems she had. That was 10 years ago and here I still am. If i was having anxiety about going to work to the point it was making me physically sick, her response was "You have to take care of me." I worked 10 hours a day on my feet to the point that every step felt like walking on burning glass shards, and she'd still insist that I complete her small part time job afterward because "she was just too depressed to get out of bed." (She had no problem getting up to go shopping or anything...just work.) Then i'd get gaslighted and called names if I complained. But recently she found herself a slightly younger sugar daddy who is taking her on all kinds of vacations, which has been wonderful for me because I get time to myself in peace again. The past two vacations she went on have been the happiest weeks I have had in YEARS. And the amount of anxiety and sadness and discomfort i feel for the last two days before I know she'll be returning has been a HUGE wake up call for me. I have started disengaging when she tries to start fights and quietly blanking out when she starts the "woe is me" stories again.instead of playing into it like I did. I started saying no and holding my boundaries. Just Grey Rocking the hell out of life. Lol And now i'm being discarded because I am no longer of use to her. She has someone giving her money and driving her places and waiting on her hand and foot, amd she has started yelling and fighting with him recently as well so she gets her controlling narcissistic supply from him instead of me too. And I can't tell you how much of a relief it is. She's talking about moving to his lake house soon and I CAN. NOT. WAIT!!!!

You probably dont care at all but does anybody know of a tool to get back into an instagram account..? I was stupid forgot my account password. I would love any tricks you can give me

Yes when you dread them coming home because the crap is going to start the minute they walk in the door…time to leave if they don’t wanna change, and they don’t.

So real

Very True.

But unfortunately they will still come at you, they are relentless. Ugh!!!

FACTS!!

@@pjpj3416 they love the positive energy that we have and want to suck that out of us VERY SAD...

@Deb Harris I agree💯💯💯

👍 👍 👍

This is where I am now! But I won’t give in. I want and value my freedom.

The key is to build up the capacity (resources) to walk alone. I got broken, but I won't be broken again because I can now walk away - I won't be controlled. As I read what I just typed, it strikes me that this is also how narcissists handle the world - the world must bend to them (me) or they (I) will not play the game. Tricky! If I believe that I have value and don't need to take crap from others, then am I escaping the narcissist or am I being a narcissist myself? By definition, self-reflection IS narcissism. Maybe psychotherapy is its own enemy in this respect?

@@MrFlazz99 If you suspect you are narcissistic then you are not, because narcissists are incapable of self reflection.

@@MrFlazz99 self-reflection requires objectivity and empathy, things the narcissist does not possess.

You're right, mate

Yes. Spot on.

She was so right. Maya Angelou nailed it.

Red Flags almost always turn out 2 be Correct. Listen to your gut.

Even when everyone else is telling you ‘they’re a great person’, ‘I’ve never seen them be nasty’

Yes it is, " sometimes" it's like a tug of war match all day with my phone charger , (they control the charge) which means im literally holding onto a short cord into the wall , as if I'm literally playing tug of war, literally ! Lol

Yes!!! Same here

I heard the same thing... when I didnt want to be controlled, then I was told I was disrespectful. What I learned was there are two boundaries and they could not coexist, then it was a power struggle. If my wishes respected, his were not and vice versa. No one wins a power struggle.

it’s the double standard they expect of us, except themselves!

I was fired for that. I would like to see advice on how to keep your job when a narcissist is your manager. Because they are too many in corporate environments.

Or so they assume. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism let them assume, but being myself is the first step towards better me ❤️

Right

How are you disrespectful to them When u don’t have respect for yourself??

@@dawnwalker4574 you read it wrong

Saying “NO” is saying “YES” to yourself. Saying “NO” is loving yourself.

Maria, You got that Right Girl.

NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY.

Congratulations! Good for you! You are much too valuable to be on an emotional roller coaster 🎢 I’m 50. My Narc is my brother (61 y/o). It took yrs for my family to finally see through his masquerade.

I put up with unimaginable narcissistic abuse until about 59 and went no contact with the FOO, extended family and almost left my husband but he got into Alcoholic Anonymous and changed for the better. His horrible mother finally did herself in and that abuser was out of my life too. I feel like you do. The joy that you feel when the narcissists are gone is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I’m finally happy at 62.

I was 58. When I walked out after 41 years of living in hell. Then took 2 yrs to get divorced. I now have a peaceful life I am so thankful

💯

Hope so! Sooner the better!

Absolutely. I finally extracted myself from toxic in-laws and I feel free. I always felt like they didn't want me in their family and they were so jealous of me. I do not hate them but I realize how broken and sad they are.

Exactly! They can’t handle it. 💯

I am so glad they do

Makes sense to me!

I hope you are continuing to run free😊

I used the exact same words.

That's the point I reached after years of BS!

@@HereForToday42 They just attack no matter what. The very thing that enabled me to go nc with my once dear little sis. It hurts, but not as much as being targeted with ill will.

When he went into the rage, he proved your decision to be right.

HI Armor, did he pretend he was doing the most for everyone and you. Did other women hate on you because he put them before you and acted like he was tied to you when all along he acted like he hated your guts! I am wondering they would like to get back at their mommies for not being good mommies so they punish every one else.

@@Luke747gal See a credit couselor. They are usually free.

The best decision you've ever made. Good on you, good luck in your future life.

​@@Luke747galWalk and work the rest out.

Same here. I decided that no relationship was much better than a bad relationship. I’ve been single a long time and that is fine with me. My life isn’t crazy anymore😀👍

I agree with you 💯 %

Wow.15 years? I pray for your recovery🙏

On the other side, celibate for the last 15 years because of my previous marriage to a narc. Yes I am happy, no regrets.

@@user-yc7vv2mz3v We stay in Narcissistic relationship because we delude ourselves that our Narcs partners will somehow change in the very near future. Then you learn with horror, they are hell bent to self destruct provided no one can blame them for the destruction of the family. I stayed for 28 years. I became almost bankupt trying any possible way to salvage my marriage.

What do you do if they just won’t leave you alone?

@@nextepisode1196 Get tough!!! Get a restraining order and tell them that you have one. If they come near you, they go to jail. I had to get super tough with my husband. The police were called to our house many times. Deep down every bully is a scared chicken. And we know that Narcissists are big time bullies. You have to put them in their place and keep them there!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU 😇

@@nextepisode1196 Block them everywhere. Block mutual friends. It is worth it.

@@nextepisode1196 Move far, far away! Don't share ANY friends with them. I know it is a hard reality, but they have poisoned them against you from the beginning, and will use them to torment you. You literally have to start over. It seems to be the only way to get free from them. Change your phone number. Change your email. Change your job. Change your residence. Change whatever you need to change, so they can't find you. Then, you will be able to breath, so that you can start to recover your own identity. You can start to finally heal. Reflect on how you got ensnared in the first place, and don't repeat it. My heart aches for you because I know how hard this all is. You can get free.

@@nextepisode1196 Fake your own death, change your name and move to Canada?

Self love is your best defense. I was always concerned about everyone else and lost myself.

The best way to deal with a narcissist is to LEAVE. ESCAPE and NEVER SPEAK TO THEM AGAIN.

Absolutely.

Exactly

Indeed!

So true!!!!

Yes that’s what my Narc mom and sister in law do...

Yesssssssss.

Correct! Dr. C

You could voice your disappointment or be silent either way they feel slighted. But on the same hand they would say they WANT you to have your own opinion. They say WANT as a way of giving you permission to have a different opinion.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT!!!! I am completely surrounded by these people!!!! I feel so outnumbered!!!!! Nobody is on Team Healthy!!!!!

Yup ... you’re dumb too them you have no brain and you can’t think for yourself ...in theirs eyes. But when u know their tactics and they see you aren’t any of those things they turn on u quick and anger ensues because you’ve figured them out. They are souless far as I’m concerned because who goes around hurting people purposely?! Smh

@@seewhatisee7427 EXACTLY!!!!! I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO IN MY LIFE!!!! GOOD GRIEF I COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW!!!! NOBODY KNOWS WHEN THERE TIME WILL BE UP!!!! JUST BE NICE!!!! LIKE I WANT TO BE MEAN TO YOU!!!! STUPID!!!! I WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS!!! SPREAD SOME LOVE, LAUGH AND SMILE!!!! ❤🛐

Just make sure your picker is working well.

@@SurvivingNarcissism I actually thought all men were like that but have since found out different

Same here.

Me too

Exactly the same here! I started learning in retrospective thanks to many years of therapy and Dr. Carter videos (I can’t thank him enough, really). I spent years being misdiagnosed (depression, bipolar, etc.). All my sadness, rage, frustration, desperation disappeared after these toxic narcissists were out of my life. I went from being a grey person to the happiest and colorful being in few months. Recently, I entered into a similar situation with a work collaborator (almost a PTS episode), but I recognized the classic narcissistic traits in him and cut all communication/interaction. The change in my mood was almost immediate! Thanks for your immense knowledge and compassion, Dr. Carter! I can’t imagine how many lives have you saved with your videos.

I was treated as a patsy for 30 years because of that. Never again.

yes mine said he will change and stopped drinking so i gave him last chance and he was ok for four days then boom back worse as timper and rage, as i had boundaries i read out.

Mine doesn’t even pretend to care anymore. I don’t get any apologies, there is zero remorse, he blames me for everything he does.

Their identity is the opposite of yours

My husband just tells me "YOU changed and now your crazy" because I became myself again. I told him "sad after 38 years together it's a shame you never knew me." I just wanted to live, travel and have fun in life. 😢I feel bad for him however, gave him enough chances to change and he won't even accept ANY faults.

YES!!! I have had the same happen. One day, all those this narc has told this to will see they're the one with issues. Not me.

My mother did the same to me and even sent me to a psychiatric hospital.

My mother did the same to me and even sent me to a psychiatric hospital.

Yup, they live by gaslighting. It comes out of them as natural as breathing.

That’s what is called Gas ⛽️ lighting ! AKA making you look 👀 crazy 😜 Hell no !

They are not normal and never will be. Therefore, they cannot be dealt with rationally, because all they care about is destroying you. They are haters of the TRUTH. Shutting them out is your saving grace.

@@eagleeye2300 Yep... that's exactly what worked. Shut them out. Sometimes that's easier said than done. She would NOT be shut out. It took the cops to get her off my back. And she STILL blamed me for EVERYTHING. One month it was, "Ya' know Tim. If you leave me I can just tell the police you raped me." The next month is was, "You let your family control you. You are not thinking correctly. That's why you left me. You are controlled by them." That was long ago in the past... but not long enough.

Yep, impossible!

You just can't

tell me about it. its mental

AMEN!

Rain, just wondering how she acted at the wedding towards you!! I hope you were able to have a good time in spite of that wicked demon!!

Reading this crying … grey rocking is chewing her up and she becomes furious.I can’t wait to be away from this .

100%

I can say this with confidence from personal experience. They will turn it into a goddamn war of attrition that could cost you dearly. I have thorough knowledge from dealing with one of these things that pass themselves off as people. The situation was uniquely difficult to navigate because I am referring to my father.. As wounded as they are they are equally evil. Possibly unredeemable. They will use every resource available. Friends, family, the law, your employment. Even try to sabotage your personal relationships. Your kids. Sink so low as to utilize, blackmail, extortion. Son of a bitch even hired a P.I. to spy on me after I tried to brake it off. Everything is a potential tool to control destroy or kill you.

Talk is silver: silence is golden.

Unfortunately it’s my only child… So disengaging doesn’t bring a lot of happiness😿

@@gloriastreet4684 As we know, there really isn't a panacea when trying to cope with a narcopath. To me, happiness is relative. All we can do is try to be as happy as possible. Wishing you well...

Facts !

That’s mat, my wife’s 34 year old ex con narcissist, that is exactly how he is, I am one of the few who “dare” to tell him the truth and for that he works overtime spreading lies and hate about me, a passer of bad checks ( fraud) and a dealer of Oxytocin ( Federal incarceration) he always portrays himself as an angel.

Well said

They think they are too good to conversate with you on a human to human level. They think they are your authority. What a joke.

Totally agree. That sums up my ex perfectly!

❤

I feel.that

😢

Tell me about it! I'm enjoying the silent treatment.

"I'm not having this conversation." And walk away.

Ive done that.the past three yrs has taught me who really cares.the silence is liberating.

I keep little contact with everyone! I will also cut people completely out of my life if they cross my boundaries. I blocked the narsisist and not letting that bird into my life again. He is insane

@@manbearpig7521 I do not know whether you meant it in a sarcastic way but I actually AM enjoying the silent treatment and healing and learning to uphold my boundaries while my narcissistic mom is 'punishing' me by not talking to me. I am living my unashamedly best life over here and finally enjoying her absence!

I like that acrynom 100% accurate

@@denisesunshine7756 Yes; once a malignant narc is identified, do not waste any effort in justifying your life, thoughts, or existence to them in any way.

walk away is not always the solution - the Narc may be in your friend group, or the owner of the gym you go to, or a sibling, or parent. It's so screwed - if the narc is in a friend group, you can't just walk away from the group and lose the positive people within the group... or to risk having the narc shit-talk you behind your back and spil the landscape for you to keep friends within the group. 9:30 You can't say to him/her, "Look, I want to be treated with respect." They'll just smirk at you and then gossip against you to the friend crew. You can't just walk away.. it may be a last resort, but then you may walk away from a friend circle, or a job... Or a parent who favors sibling(s) over you - the parent may be a source of funding or money, so its a slippery slope.

I like this. “Don’t go DEEP”.

I wish I could walk away 100% but she has my kids and uses then to keep some control over me. Backed by the child surport agency's and Lawers and a system the is anti father here in the UK

Yes...they get mad when u cant control u or keep tabs on u

They have the emotional maturity of a 4 year old, at best

@@aricaiwdjts same here my friend. The hard part is I have 3 kids still at home. Just can't live with an adult that acts like a toddler when she doesn't get her way.

What if the narcissist is my father, and I have no other options but to live with him at the moment...

@@mochiwaffles it’s really tough. My advice (having lived with my narc dad for 27 years lol, finally moving out this month) is to just start removing all emotion from your voice whenever you are around him. Be polite/civil and respond but don’t ever let him know with your reactions that he “makes” you feel ANYTHING. He might get suspicious to begin with but just make sure you stick with neutral tone of voice and don’t let him push your buttons (that’s what mine does when I’m being too chill for his purposes cause he fucking KNOWS how to grind my gears ha) and don’t slip into the territory of moody, cause then he can use that against you. And just bust a gut to get away from there asap my dudes. Be sensible. Look after yourself - you matter, what you think and feel counts, and no one can change your reality if you hold firm to it in your head. You are not the crazy one!!

I still remember vividly the day I told this one "friend" who had gotten to the point of only showing up when he was desperately in need of something... "I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE." It took him a few YEARS to really get the point, as I consistently refused to answer his phone calls or speak to him if he showed up at my house. It wasn't even just that he only had time if he needed help... it was how he kept letting his own life fall into chaos, while simultaneously ALWAYS trying to tell ME how to live MY life!!! I wish I knew about narcissism DECADES ago.

I had the same experience with a narc "friend". She was jealous every time I formed friendships and did everything to isolate me and make herself the centre of attention. After I cut her off, all those people she thought were in her life for her left, they were only close to her because I was there too. Idiot

It's nice when the jackhammering finally stops! Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism That it is, my Nark is my Mother and Brother n-law . Life is just way to short for the drama.

Good for you, Billie! ❤ Wishing you well!

Peaceful isn’t it!

@@zubieM it is

Yrp

Yep they are ready to fight (my ex ) was the worst!!! Horrible person

Mine has started up again I've had no contact with him for almost a year he is in jail but sending me intimidating letters jokes about murder and violence

@@lisahutchins1642 Show the police, let them extend their time.

Just don't say a word to the narc. Get away. You may be physically harmed (even killed) depending on the "type" of narc you're dealing with. Watch HLN wives with knives or "til death do us part", or "very scary people".

Just stay no contact

Yep

My husband always does this! I am so thankful I found these videos because I really thought I was the blame 😢 and now I know I’m not ❤

Someone once told me they were told "it's not abuse, it's constructive criticism"

Got to that point and she would just say "No. You don't agree. You're a very cold person if you're thinking about losing me"

Mine threatens divorce, I tell him “Great, where do I sign?”

Constructive criticism usually doesn't make ppl feel bad, that said, only if those narc accept the criticisms as well? Usually they don't

👏👏👏 AMEN

Well said. Gospel truth.

🙌🏽

So right. I did and getting myself back was Hell. I do have to say though. Now that I AM back, I am stronger and wiser. I thank Jesus Christ for being with me through the storm and for showing me The Way to Him. Jesus will never let you down. John 14:6

Well, Said.

Seriously! I use to take such good care of myself. And now, I can’t remember the last time I did my skin care routine, or my hair care routine or just went out to go do my nails. But I am slowly but surely getting myself back together. I have an eyebrow, lash and nail appointment all set up. I just ordered my skin care and hair care stuff. And it just feels amazing!

Or incredibly angry people. I'm 65 years old and still angry.

This is one of the best comments that I've read. On any thread here at Dr. C's

There should be a test administered at 18 to everyone, if youre a narcissist, a psychopath or a sociopath, immediate execution, no questions asked. Imagine the utopia.

@@karlabritfeld7104thanks for sharing this, I’m 20 and I’m extremely angry, I used to find hope in freedom after my parents pass, but after seeing your comment I realise that I could end up wasting my whole life waiting for nothing.

Yep!

No truer statement

They hate your 'sense of self', the one thing that is vital to being a free authentic person.

@@kieransimpson4965 , yes constantly giving in for peace and harmony was a mistake. It is difficult to deal with a stubborn, rigid person , who is always quietly plotting to get his way . Usually I was far too busy to notice it.

My sister believes there are two ways to live your life. Her way and the wrong way. And by living another life she takes it as a personal threat to her way of life. Like if living different is the same as saying: "They way you life is wrong. " She obviously is too silly to acknowledge that there are many right ways to live your life.

@@solidstate9451 I know its all filtered into black and white

@@sgcsgc6974 yes, you are right, setting boundaries can be difficult with these controlling narcissists. However, I found out that raising my level of self love, self awareness and knowledge of their manipulative tricks helped me immensely in becoming more assertive towards the narcissist. I guess, that many , who enter relationships with narcissists were raised by abusive parents and have psychological wounds from childhood. These wounds can be healed .

@@mapleleaf1185 Maintaining a very fake, and thus fragile, self image seems to require much weirdness and evil. And the resulting atmosphere must be perceived as normal, or at least justified, for the whole sick charade to work. Your parents teaching you that the typical husband is like them was clearly a part of this normalization effort -- with the bonus that if you eventually wound up with a narc they could bond with him by talking about what a pain you can be. Congrats on somehow escaping this horrific double trap. And my condolences if it snapped on you for a time...

Saying NO to a Narcissist means to try harder or keep asking.

I think I did just that :) Can't help it, I like the truth too much to put up with bullshit.

Yeah they just don’t make sense. Don’t try to make sense of it. You can’t because they don’t make sense.

Amen 🙏

AMEN

That's right ! I was my family f---- robot , as well as my ex husband's !

@@rachelsimbhu4383 , I'm so sorry to hear this. I was too. No more! I am free to be me. May GOD Bless you with Much peace of mind, love and joy to you Sister in Jesus mighty name. No guilt or condemnation as Your a miracle!

The people with the most power at present see Brave New World as a Utopia. They want to manufacture you from scratch, tailor made for a role in their script. No loose threads in the great fabric, the clockwork paradise of a God.

@@Acetyl53 well I am going to be a loose thread, having nothing to do with their so called utopian fabric. I'm good where I am.

LET FREEDOM RING!!!! They are such freaks!

Hahaha that was a good come back. Good on you 👍🏾

this sounds very familiar - told me every other woman was a better Christian wife then me

Mine is a roller coaster, I'm always walking on eggshells trying to keep the good mood, never knowing when it's going to move down again. Sometimes, I feel like I'm dealing with a child. Can't escape.

Kn

So relatable

I hope we get reincarnated, because we won't fall for the shit again and waste another lifetime

Yes. I understand. The negative talk behind your back is so hurtful.

I can so relate. Sigh.

Lol good comment mate

🔥🤝🔥 well said.

Well said

😂😂😂 omg, so true. They're are more and more easy to detect, just look for the content of their talking

@@user-sc5yo4bo2j I have a little theory-ette that it's actually a cultural disease. One of the reasons they find so many enablers/flying monkeys so easily.

@@mrb4761 that, and I also think it's in a human nature. Some of us are more pure, don't have this intentions to manipulate others, therefore they don't see others as bad, they trust more. Whereas others, who have evil thoughts, are constantly looking for weaknesses in people and use them for their own advantage.

@@mrb4761 I agree, they have sooo many enablers, everywhere! It's a social epidemic. We are conditioned, encouraged by society and upbringing to accept certain behaviours as normal so we don't look for explanations, we don't scrutinize patterns. In a family, for example, we just say: oh, she's moody, changeable like the weather. Or: he's getting older, it's difficult for him... We find and make up excuses very easily. Besides, I still believe that genetics play some role in it. Some people are more susceptible while others not...

So true!! 🙄🤦‍♀️

I've never heard of that saying, but I DO LUV IT. ;D

Awww cliches are great honestly. 🥰

Brilliant....... guilty M'Laud!!! Thanks for this. xxx

When you are born into Narc parents, I knew from early on life in my family was not safe for me. I tried asking for help, but was invisible. Close family knew but did nothing. I think most were afraid of my mother too. Everything was for her, and she was horribly jealous of me. When nobody but me n her in house, the beatings and belittling me til brother or father came home. But she would even smack me in face with her silverware at dinner and Dad would not say or do anything to stop it! 60 years. Ugh! Go Far Away from a Narcissist as fast as you can and don't look back!

I like this!

Glad it resonated!!

I now realize my mother never loved me. The fighting me when I was a little girl, the bullying, the name calling, being put out as a child being humiliated being the scapegoat to the golden child. Being hit in the head with a coke bottle. Having an affair with my husband. I could go on and on. But now she's gotten old and she needs me there's no one else

Wonderful advise here Brother! Thank you John Bundy.

@@ArtemisSilverBow , Do you not see sister that they are mentally ill. They do not think like you. It is sad for them. They are so sick in there mind that they have to pick on innocence! Oh This is dangerous for them! GOD doesn't like it when people mess with his kids. Please try and understand that sometimes when we go through the most Hanis crimes, the point is we go through. Nobody promised us a cushy life. Every breath is so precious. What John Bundy is trying to say is : Learn from this Dear Sister! I love you and understand your hurt. Please try and be grateful that your not like them. Psalm 147:3 `He heals the brokenhearted and binds up there wounds. GOD loves you so much. I´m so sorry Erin that you have been hurt so bad it makes me want to cry. For every SURVIVOR here. We are NOT VICTIMS. We can have pity or power. I take the Power in Jesus as HE pulled me out of the pit of hell with a victim mentality! He has a long arm and can heal even the sickest heart! I love you Erin.

Well said and absolutely correct

John : TOTALLY !

😂 nice one

Kathleen Grant,You deserves better 🙏

True, they are always the hero for others but if you need help, they make it clear that you better be very, very thankful for their precious time.

@@faeline8623 so creepy

kinda nice that he at least admitted he took advantage . .I got one "sorry you were hurt once. . closest thing I ever got for an apology. so glad for you not being under such a dangerous person any more. . .

Mine always did that to me everyone is before me I mean everyone

And bang! The relationship is over. 3 days and counting for me....

@@faeline8623 I bet you feel great!

@@dodibenabba1378 I am still a bit confused, feel like I lost something, but I am somehow relieved.

@@faeline8623 when you realise it was mostly a lie it's easier to deal with. Get a little notebook and jot down all the things they said and did. When you feel vulnerable go and read it. Can I direct you to the Shaneen Mehaji channel, this woman is brilliant and has helped me keep my sanity. May Our Father in Heaven bless you and protect you and heal you. 🔥🗡️✝️

@@dodibenabba1378 thank you so very much for for your kind words! I hope you are ok and healing. Bless you 🙏

@@oscarwilliamson1264 Hell no. I learned to recognize them many, many years ago and run as quickly away from them as possible. That includes my two older sisters.

Very ture

Hope not. I have been discarded and erased (refer other comments) I am also going no contact and enjoying it

They try to turn the people closest to you against you. They are straight trash!!!

@@oscarwilliamson1264 Yes narcs bark.

I too have found myself hiding normal things out fear.

I still check myself and get panicky over nothing if I think I’m doing something someone else might not approve of. It’s crazy how those narcissists programmed me to be afraid of my own shadow.

I would buy candy at work and eat it on the ride home, throw the rubbish in the public bins at the apartment and hide or throw away receipts so he didn't know I was eating candy, or spending too much on groceries.

@@kaikalindsey4319 omg i know how you felt!!

He would tuen off the tv and light say "I think its time to go to bed, dont you,"

I am getting this tattooed on my forearm!

NO to a Narcissist means ON (as in, game on....).

love that statement!!!and it's true!! amazing!!

Oh yeah! 😆

“No” isn’t a complete sentence only because the period is missing. 😉 “No.”

You are why I do these videos!!

I feel ya on the charm and manipulation. My grandmother was that two-faced charming, manipulative so-n-so. One of my college band mates who had ended up talking to her said, "Your grandma is so sweet, etc." I said, "John, don't let her sweet granny act fool you. She's nothing like that behind closed doors. I oughta know." He looked at me like I was nuts. I then said, "Trust me, John. She's nothing like she seems." I wish I'd had a mirror that showed her true self to those who didn't believe me.

My spouse charms EVERYONE. He knows how to do it, that and he's good at getting people to feel sorry for him. It is very different behind closed doors.

very true... I have dealt with all of these at some time or another with my own family and now a colleague at work... I just deactivated my social media and am focusing on mental health healing with my therapist... being alone for a little bit to heal is better than living in the chaotic and confusing he11 these people create... 💕

1) check 2) check 3) check 4) check 5) check 6) check 7) check 8) not .... Angry all the time - unable to be nice when she noticed there was no way to be the boss anymore.

Spot on!

I Dont. I X'd out most of Narc/Enabler Family last year so Peace be with me.

1) is one thing that keeps coming up that I can't understand at all. Why do you want a creep to talk to you. The less personal contact you can achieve with someone who wants to control you the better. Atleast that's how I do it.

Definitely

me too. Amen

WOW! 25 years, congratulations on getting past it. I imagine you had to do a lot of work with a therapist in order to get where you are today.

I’m glad you came to reframe her discard, you definitely had a win there. 16 years for me, he weaponised friends and family and neighbours. His own sister turned his children against him while he was in his final years. We didn’t have children together as we were older. My sister also weaponised her children against me. I think I can recognise the tell tale signs more easily now but I struggle with trust issues when meeting new people. Coverts are pretty good at what they do, stay strong, all the best to you.

Brilliant

#TeamHealthy

It is amazing how things improve isn't it?😅 My parents were/are awful narcs, and a "friend" I have grey rocked the heck out of. No contact with my mother and sister and no response for the woman who wants to reel me back in. Phooey! Feeling my feelings is priceless. All the best to you for your healing and joy!🦋🌹

@@morebirdsandroses stay strong, dear one!🦋😊👍

Spot on. Also, with the judgement, there is NO recognition of their own ability to DO things in reality. They are forever 500% passive and receiving reality like a newborn dumped into the garbage bin of the world without any warning. It is ALWAYS "someone did something", it is NEVER that they did something and then someone did something about that in return. They are always disabling themselves out of existence/responsibility. Uni-dimensional is the universal middle name of a narcissicist.

@@nachannachle2706 They tell you that you don't control them but at the same time blame you for their behavior and even still refuse to acknowledge their bad behavior....WTF?!?! They're bullies too.

This hit deep! I'm in the process of leaving my narcissist husband of 2 years. I saw the signs and thought he would never treat me the way he treated those people! Now here I am planning my route of escape and I'm sorry for the next person who falls prey to this beast!

I know a pimp who is a narcissist....he'd always bash the girls to me and all those who care to hear that they're prostitutes and they had no excuse for using their bodies for money,then, he'll still be the same person hooking them up with guys for sex for money..... just imagine!!!

@@nachannachle2706 the victim mentality

#TruthRightThere👏👏👏👏👏👏👍

Adolf Hitler's a prime example of that remark

It is an attempt to find balance in their life. Sadly, these are the people who look to someone else to complete their life. They refuse to organize themselves so that everything they need is within themselves. They won't find balance until they learn this.

@@aaronfischer9885 wow Aaron. If anybody ever put it the way it really is that is it right there. They refused to organize themselves and live a chaotic life instead. But I'm afraid they don't have the skills they need and they need to seek help to do this. Problem is, most of them don't think I have a problem in the first place and getting them to admit that they do is like pulling teeth. So nothing's going to change in their lives. They'll never learn from their mistakes because they refuse to accept responsibility for them. But you're right about it being an organized and then refusing to do anything about it. I'm thinking that they don't have the skills to do it if they did want to.

@@rubensalazar9619 Thank you Sir. You made some excellent observations yourself as well.

Sorry to hear that, stay strong ❤. I know he's your son but it's always better cut as much attachment to them as possible for one's own sanity.

Your own son? Wow. My family sucks too.

The truth will out Julie. People's characters show over time. Time is a healer but also a great revealer. The smear campaign only feeds them so much for so long..they always need that prime grade supply so he will move on to another target. Make sure that you develop a life that none of them know of..have friends and people and places and things that they have no contact or control over. Spend time with people who don't know your past so that you don't need to share it with them..if you do need to share either do it with someone you really trust or a professional therapist. The smearing really hurts but you will only lose the horrible ones you don't need. The ones who are genuine and kind will reach out no matter what the narc says. That mask doesn't stay on forever. It will fall soon enough for others to see the truth. They can't fake forever. You have an authentic self. The narc doesn't, they are empty shells and are jealous of you. This is a fact.

Exactly how I feel

@violin614 As an INFP personality I like deep intimate conversations. "Small talk" seems shallow to me, so I wonder if it is more common in narcissists? What do you think?

@violin614 Exactly how my x complained about her many, many x's!

good for you, goo job.

@@carefulcarpenter I think it goes both ways ... sometime people engage in a lot of emotional oversharing to manipulate the other person and develop an emotional dependance and other times they are incapable of anything but small talk, but I don't think either is particularly narcisistic behavoir. If the feeling that the interaction is shallow and self serving, that is what is narcissistic.

OH absolutely Craig, In a group setting, they will love bomb everybody else and ICE you. You will be like a ghost to them. If they can't control you, if you don't admire them and laugh at their jokes, they will act like you do not exist, while simultaneously blowing smoke up the arses of every other member of the group. This has happened to me twice now. I used to be at risk of 1:1 relationships with narcs and then I got a better self-esteem, and it would never happen to be now. My bf now is a very strong character who has taught me a lot about boundaries. He really embodies the Do NO HARM AND TAKE NO SHIT way of living. But the people who've frozen me out from the group, they are angry that I will not take my place beneath them. That is quite literally what is triggering their rage and they use ''ghosting'' while you're all still present in the group to put you back in your place as they see it.

@@SusanaXpeace2u yea my ex husband was like this at partys with his family. He didn't know me once we walked in the door. It was so weird to go from holding hands in the car to him not knowing I was at the party. Even in family pics ! I was in the crowd ..somewhere; )

@@HeatherDMorris but he is your ex husband now, thank God, good for you (high five) 😊

Same here. When I refused to apologize to my narcissistic ex wife for something which I had every right to do, she ghosted me (it has been going on for two years now).

@@tedschmitt178 i don't think that's being ghosted. it's just being x spouses?

My sister is like that

Appalling things to say, I'm sorry. Glad you got out. Be careful what you tell the flying monkeys too. Well done.

Beautiful.

Damn..I'm so sorry you had to endure that but happy to hear you're free and living it up! My mother did a similar thing to me after I graduated nursing school when I came back home from out of state. She ghosted me while I was in school so hadn't seen me in awhile. During that time, I started practicing meditation and yoga and I think she felt a shift in me as my friends told me I'm a lot calmer. This apparently bothered her and one day, she just randomly got in my face and said if she could turn back time, she wouldn't have kids. In the past when she said this, it bothered me. This time, I had no reaction. I shrugged it off and she then started screeching it and repeating it staring at me waiting for a reaction from me. She got none. It was like the devil in her took over..shit was crazy. Staying calm really is your superpower. I agree with your last statement, definitely worth it!

I'm not trying to play the victim. I'm just warning other guys about psyhco chicks. I tried suggesting she should seek therapy, and probably drugs. But that just made her scream all the more. Our kids are the real victims. We were rich. But she got bored. So she buggered off and made all of us poor. I said it straight. We're rich. If you leave you'll make us all poor.

@@2rific_2 They're fine. They're smart. By being the kind and reasonable parent they know the difference.

Good for you!

I ended up getting remarried to and actually very wonderful woman and live a very successful life now so don't give up hope in love and relationships my wife asked me why are you with me and I say because you're nice that's it that's what made me fall in love with her she's a human being an actual human being

@johnny five absolutely awesome and cool see that's the type of insight that a narcissist can never understand or try to explain human beings evolve they grow they mature through life the narcissist is forever stagnant

Peace is priceless 🕊

Same here!

Got that right, better to be by yourself than to be someones puppet. Someone thinks I'll just sit by and let them minipulate me, they can kiss my ass and take a damn permanent hike in the woods.

Take it as a compliment.

@@SurvivingNarcissism Absolutely. A "coming out from under" type of celebration of me, even if it doesn't meet certain people's approval.

Absolutely

You nail it, "believe in them the first time".

I told my ex she wasn't strong enough to break me...ex.

My Narcissistic ex as of today..told me I have a heart of steel....and I said why don't u stop trying to Break it...

My ex n I had the same argument. He said 'it's your fault you're here'.

I was an INFJ. and I was turned into that monster. thanks life.

Spot on! I am an infj as well. I have auto immune issues, and am now dealing with inflammatory breast cancer. What you are saying is no exaggeration at all-

Omg yes with the auto immune stuff! Especially if you’re an empath. I am mostly no contact with a NPD mother and recently came into narc abuse with an in law. Daily last 6 months. What do you know, joint pain, psoriasis flaring... one more week of avoidance of this person to endure, but after that I’ll be home safe again.

INFJ myself we are magnets 🧲 for these devils because we have empathy and very kind loving givers and the salt off the earth. Sickness and death is all they are.

I am also INFJ/INFP and I now have inflammatory issues n some brain damage...I’m very sad that even w all my kindness, trusting nature n compassion I was exploited, stalked, harassed, medically injured, gaslighted then institutionalized n made fun of during n after my injury.....society n even the law it seems enable these creeps....meanwhile I have no recourse, compensation or closure n still haven’t been able to tell anyone.

Sameeeeee, also “I’ll remember this” or my most hated one “Now you’re gonna have to listen to me” one thing not talked about enough (or maybe was just my experience) is that is how these people TALK ALOT, like word vomit even more so if their mad either to you or with something else, I feel like they really like to hear themselves talk and more so when is passionately (which is usually when they’re angry), to this day people that talk to much are incredibly off putting to me, I find people that carefully choose their words and speak very little more appealing, smart, and trustworthy.

I say, "Not today, Karen," and walk away. No one disrespects me like that.

When I initially told my narc junkie brother to take a hike, it was after I'd blocked his ass on social media, phone, text and he beat me to email. He was going absolutely nuts saying shit like unblock my number. Next email..you better ring me right now or I'll attend child protection and police. said nope. He went absolutely batshit mental and was writing....you're gonna pay big time, watch this. After that he did call child protection, called the power company to try have my power switched of at street level and then emailed me saying I had no right to have power connection and was then gonna come over to remove my water meter. the water company rang him and said if you touch or remove OUR water meter we will personally prosocute you. This crap went on a few mths till finally I was in hospital having surgery, he brings his partner and my next door neighbour into my home (they literally broke in though a security and wooden door,,,) They convinced attending police it www really their house and the police demanded my house keys from another neighbour and gave them the keys.. They gained access to my car in the shed and used it to steal 3/4 of my possessions including the car. they killed my child's cat. They denied me access to my own medicine including insulin. They ripped up every plant in my yard. Posted menacing posters all over the exterior of my home that I own outright and during this, police banned me and my child access to OUR home so we were then left to walk the streets all weekend following surgery. Police finally discover their fuck up ...they didn't do a thing. I get home and there's even padlocks preventing me access and he still had my keys For the next six weeks I had to place wardrobes against the front door as it couldn't be secured and a locksmith and handyman finally come out (I love in a remote area so they had to come 150km each way) A week later a gardener came out to mow the lawns and discovered all the washing I had on the clothesline in the rainwater tank. With the pegs still attached. The avo hearings omg.... There's a crapload more i can wrote about this all day..but this is exactly what you get just from blocking them and cutting them out of your life...say no they go absolutely mental.

@@rebeccapurdon3531 he sounds demonically possessed. If you can leave town and change identity, I would if I were you. This type of psychopath would not even stop here. Your life may be in danger. My friend has a junkie sister and she has tried to break into her house and also threatened to kill her. All drugs opens you up to the demonic realm. The only thing that will help your brother is divine intervention. You need to make sure you and your child is safe though and then don't look back.

Good woman

@@seamusmcmanus3089 :)

Exactly me right now

@@allthingscoolchick3888 I'm so sorry to hear that :( .....sending you lots of strength and light

Steal your freedom, are very well said!

Amen.

Good for you

I agree, I just don't care anymore. This is a beautiful relief, however it was a very long road.

Absolutely!!

Yep!

I'm sorry. Perhaps your wife needs therapy? Hoarding comes from trauma, and being controlling could come from fear, or trauma? I hope you and she can have open, honest dialogue to save your marriage, and healing for both of you individually.

Best wisdom Cat, 🙏 admissions overcome denial. We're generally either cast in hell or trying to escape from it. Even evil has a touch of permeation in either transition 😉 Hell is made by the goodness we are deprived from or if in fact choose to deny...

It is understandable, totally, to see the narc as evil. Just one point, as you get over it, please remember they are really just troubled people.

It is sad the damage narcissists do. Sometimes I feel it is a genetic flaw. My husbands mother & father are narc's, his sister is a textbook narc & my husband is a narc. I did not know this going into our marraige.

Yes, they are people but of a very different sort that in my situation made it dangerous to allow myself to feel any empathy toward--my natural, human ability to feel empathy was exactly what the narcissist used to try to destroy me. I no longer care why he is the way he is. Stories of his own abuse growing up may or may not even be true. No Contact--get away. And yes, they are hideous people.

There's a scientific explanation. It's caused by a genetic predisposition to getting it and an upbringing of abuse or neglect. The person has to have both. So, someone could be born predisposed to it but have a lovely upbringing and they would not develop the disorder. Abuse and neglect changes the structure of the brain. In the past, people were hung for being evil witches - when all they had was epilepsy. It's common to label things that we don't understand as evil. And wow, is narcissism hard to understand!

We must be strong and move on!!

My ex was the same way. Wanted to be catered to but didn't do sh*t for me

They target nice people. Focus on being a good person but not a nice person. Nice makes you weak and harmless. This allows you to be controlled.

better to check yourself before you wreck urself

@@2okaycola my favorite quote lol

Cut them off, never go back. When they pull the sympathy card, they're lying.

L lo @

Thank God it's exposed now.

I always would describe my soon to be ex as a narcissist but in a romantic way, the way we learned in literature classes, the one who is so in love with themselves and i would add to that that his self image is distorted and isnt worth all the hype he gives it, years later i figured why it was the way it has been, i didn’t realize until i found out he was cheating, taking money with no intent to return, using me and taking advantage of my kindness. He kept it on the low until we got married and then he just took off his mask, im glad i now know why I tolerated things i would have never,

They don’t learn...they elect them President

My mother is the narcissistic- my siblings are the flying monkeys , who go out and gather information- I am a member of AA , mother recruited a childhood neighbor(also in AA) as a flying monkey. I am 60 years old. I began to notice the dysfunction as a early teen . It hasn't been until most recent years that I am developing in the terminology of the narcissist. It is heart breaking and liberating. Many Blessings to you 🙏

You are 100% correct. Say no once, and the temper tantrums and threats will follow.

They become more abusive in my experience. They get dirtier and dirtier in their tricks to control you.

You are all correct

They either try to destroy you, or they will try to dismiss you like you are nothing more than a passing breeze in their life. Even if you've spent years bonding together, once you won't do things their way they get bored and decide you aren't as fun to keep around.

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Best way to fight her in court is to journal *everything*. Date/time, possible witnesses, etc. She spouts off, you journal it, with as many quotes that you can remember. Set your phone to audio record anytime you hit one button. They lose credibility when the cops can hear the 'fight' first hand. Can also work in court. At the end of the day, recount it as well, in addition to the specific events, whether you encountered her or not. This lends to your credibility.

it is legal to record voice ,speaking with phone ??

Oh my Gosh the abuser used to always tell me know your place. Ugh.

I hope you have support to be able to leave the situation. There's a great life waiting for you, narc free.x

I’m thirty years married and sadly only this Christmas did I finally get the clarity to see what my husband really is. Do you know why? Part of my suffering had been sleep deprivation abuse. Well after he had an alcoholic breakdown over Christmas he said I was keeping him awake!! He had been waking me up three or four times a night for months. In the aftermath he insisted I sleep in the spare room lol which has meant not only am I sleeping brilliantly but I am thinking straight for the first time in years!! I can see clearly now what he is and all the research I had done to try to help him ( I know) with his family situation ( narcs everywhere) I can use to free myself from this broken person!! 🙏

@@Grrrrrrr123 I had a (much shorter) relationship like this and I really believed my partner when he said it was the fault of his family, his upbringing, and me, but you CAN get out of this and have a better life without the constant belittling and criticism. I really hope you can find your way out of this, you've already been incredibly strong to stay in the relationship this long, so use all that strength to break free. Wishing you a beautiful future free of it all.

@@AnFithich thank you 🙏

Familia McKenzie Friend, you don't deserve to be with a narcissist 😈!

Way to go, girl! My first husband told me everything would be better when i’m gone-I heartily agreed & left!

Familia McKenzie Friend,You don't deserve a narc 😈 in your life!!

Hello

if these people hate you so much why do they bother with you? What a jerk