We married at 23, both worked as teachers, living on 1.0 salary. Had 5 years before kids, wife stayed home with kids. We cash flowed birth and small surgeries. Then, when she went back to work when kids went to school, we lived on 1.25 salaries. THEN bought a house. 2 teacher salaries in many areas of the country are above national average of 60K. Dave Ramsey + Dr. Laura + Suzanne Venker = success! We are having our daughters listen to these.
I’m a man that had to make career decisions in order to have a family. I was a 32 year old single Marine, deploying and moving all the time. I knew I wanted a wife and kids and that it would likely not happen if I stayed in for retirement. I got out and chose a career path that would pay well and be conducive to having a family. Now at 42, I have a wife, 3 kids, and live a wonderful life. Best decision ever. Also, our lifestyle is based solely on my income. My wife works but doesn’t have to.
Wonderful advice! I grew up with a Mom who was one of the few moms in the neighborhood that worked a corporate job. She entered the corporate world in her 30s (in the mid-1970s) due to the fact that my Dad became seriously ill and couldn’t work. She married young, had three kids before 30, and still managed to have a 30-year corporate career starting as a secretary and rising to a high level in a major corporation. Society definitely pressures women to go the opposite (wrong, in my opinion) way choosing education and career first, and family later.
Thank you so much for this insightful video. I’m 21 years old and I want to get married someday. I’m taking down notes and I will listen more to your podcasts. Much love from the Philippines 💙🥰
There’s quite some truth into this, although especially with regards to marriage and having children in your 20s, unless one has access to “a network of guys” that want to settle (most likely older), it’s just impossible. In Europe getting married/children even early 30s is really frowned upon especially by men. So one can’t just do that alone. We need more lobbying on the men...I knew this all along but u can only this much fight against the society trends by yourself.
There are guys in their 20s who want kids as well (I am one of them) but unable to find a partner who doesn't prioritize their career until their 30s... I find that traditional relationships are very rare and stigmatised. Nowadays people change their partners regularly which kills the capacity for bonding and planning long term which is the base of a healthy family. Sad reality!
Just found this channel..great advice! I used these three points as a man. I insisted we buy a house based on my income only...ended up buying an old house needing a lot of repair. Insisted because my ex hated the house for its condition. All major repairs completed now at my own pace + nice equity.
Thank God I don't have to fast forward through Warewolves of London!! Suzanne, if the plaintiff in our legal system had risk in initiating a lawsuit, this PC Culture would fizzle out. Because we monetized victimhood, and made it profitable, with a legal system where the defendant is always forced to settle... Because the Plaintiff doesn't have to cover the defendant's legal costs if they lose. You don't have to prove anything, it's a riskless transaction. A feeling of being offended isn't provable. But in our system we currently have, you don't need to be able to prove something. Just make it cost prohibitive to defend yourself. Solution: Plaintiff covers all costs if they lose. Now we have a legal system that doesn't give an incentive for victomolgy. Take away the incentive, take away the behavior....
Yes but you need to articulate how to avoid the opposite problem -- poor plaintiffs not making justified suits bcs rich wrongdoers can spend ruinously on the best lawyers
A guy has two options when planning a career. a)Don’t have a family and do whatever you want. b)Have a family and have a very stable income, health insurance, and a predictable schedule. You will need to be home to take care of the kids and the house.
Good point about it being a game in the dating world. Problem is everyone is damaged and no one wants to show their hand first. I can’t speak for women but in my experience these days women have so many dating options that if they don’t like the truth or want to face a tough situation they just leave. Which further perpetuates the withholding of information and breaking down the desire for men to be open to communicate. We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. That’s just been my experience.
I feel like Suzanne needs to talk more about how to date. She may want to see if she can get Dr. Henry Cloud on the show. He wrote the book "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" and it has some great tips.
@@LikeToWatch77 Cloud and Townsend have written a lot of good books on marriage and relationships. However, they come from a Christian perspective, which might turn off some of her listenership, I don't know. I'm not a practising Christian and find their stuff helpful.
@@toomuchinformation - I didn't find the religion to be overbearing. It only really came up when they were talking about two people deciding if they were right for each other. It's important that couples are walking the same path and have similar goals.
Your question, what else are you doing during dating if not talking about these things, was brilliant but also made me laugh. Simple common sense reveals the folly.
Part 3 is an awesome way to prepare to have children..living as if you have one income would be a great thing for a married couple even if they weren't planning on children...if recent events have taught us anything, it is that THINGS aren't all that helpful..the less things you have the easier it is to change directions on a dime when needed..
@@bumpercoach I do agree, at any age I don't believe marriage is a good deal if the woman doesn't want children. I'm just saying that if that is the deal..then living as if you have one income is the way to go. I wouldn't get married personally if there is no prospect of children, I seriously feel that as a man in these times, it is not a viable path to go on even if there is a plan to have children. Law wise, and culturally, marriage is dead. ... And not because of men.
as Kay Hymowitz pointed out- the best time to meet a guy with similar/background/values/goals etc is in college- but feminists have made this such a minefield for men and they remember the mindset later in life and are not willing to take the risks
Relationships are harder because people postpone until they gather too much baggage. So instead of starting slowly with a clean sheet and relaxed planning, you start fixing-mode from day one, which is stressful and most of the times does not guarantee a positive result.
It isn't just gathering baggage after leaving the family of origin home that is the cause of so many failed relationships. People do a great job of learning how to make a living. People do a not-so-good job of learning how to make a life with a lover you can feel safe with until death they do part. For that kind of lifetime love requires at least an equivalent investment of time in self-examination and learning more about relational dynamics and attachment theory and how it applies to each partner?
Been married and divorced...."don't base choices on 2 incomes" key!!! Because most people don't want to by down their lifestyle to be truly happier and less stressed! Even Elizabeth Warren (Pocahontas) write a book....I think titled " The 2 income Trap" Though after moving up the latter in the DNC....She never brings up that book!!!😬🤣
The difference btwn early 20s and late 20s+ is that the latter can see their DWINDLING CHANCES so it's really an attitude/perspective shift rather than maturity -- YOU CAN DECIDE and communicate that it isn't just a trial run
What is the proper course of treatment for a mature person who was groomed as passive-compliant child to be a passive-compliant adult? How do they get unstuck in the belief that taking actions is a bad thing that leads to punishment and/or ridicule?
Here's the BIG ONE you missed -- HAVE A PLAN to have kids pronto since the typical aimlessly delaying them needlessly weakens the strength which gets you married in the first place
She writes about it at length in her book "How to choose a husband" to illustrate where she went wrong the first time. It's over 25 years ago, they've both moved on. Why the curiosity? Would you have the same curiosity if it was the other way round?
Great points, if people would stop valuing their opinion over facts the outcomes of everything will be much different because opinions are really not that relevant when their base of how you feel or biased in today's world opinions are valued over facts this is why they trial everything in the media
The email from the working too hard woman was so funny! Welcome to the world of men! I thought women wanted workplace equality? You too can work many more hours than your partner and see her/him taking part in activities you have no time or money for! Go to your local mall, cafe or gym any working day. See all those stay at home mum's enduring their lives of drudgery! It is so hard they invented day time TV to stave off the boredom!
Yound should check out kevin samuel. You guys say the same thing in different ways. Hes more brash but the putting the mirror to the lies society says is the same
Amanda sounds resentful. Angry at herself. Instead of being happy for him she spites him and deflects using him as the source of her suffering. And no, she doesn't love her job or believe in its value. She took the promotion as an ego boost. She thought she become the boss and work less. Sad. Instead of tapping out and admitting defeat she expresses envy. That relationship is done. This pattern of blame/envy will repeat if they get married. Amanda's BF if you're reading this grab the parachute, and bail.
She thinks if she works hard enough he'll marry her. I don't think she was bothered about being the boss. In any case she's probably the Come Up Woman. Too much is unsaid. She needs to be clear about what she wants and find out what he wants. This may lead to a parting of the waves, which would be no bad thing. Working in a boyfriend's business is a big no no.
The most “unsuccessful” decision I made was to fall into the prosperity gospel trap. I believed in something that common sense should have told me otherwise. I was mesmerized by the lure of gaining financially if I would just send money to those carnival side show barking TV preachers. It took me forty years but I finally parted ways after believing that some day my ship would come in. So that was the unsuccessful financial decision I made and still paying for it at 73.
@@robertp7209 Ouch! But her guest last week, E. Paul Allerton said that "happiness" isn't a big deal for men, but mission, purpose and focus is (and as Jordan Petersen says happiness comes through pursuing and living your purpose).
This is mostly the same for men but the only difference is men should marry older you shouldn't be thinking about it until 35 to 40. Men reach their financial stride at 40. If you want a at least a middle class to upper middle life style and not work yourself to death marry later. Men marrying young even up working more labor job just for cash and can barely set up any financial investments especially if his wife doesn't want to work and want to stay home with the kids.
With your accent and the way you speak, sometimes I think I'm listening to Laura Ingrahm. That's a compliment to the both of you. I think the American people are fatigued with the PC culture and the cancel culture having it their way.
Amanda is a typical democrat. Her bf has earned his success/wealth and she feels entitled to it. I hope he wises up and dumps her...then takes another hunting trip.
Don’t agree with you that your husband should come first. He’s an adult and can learn to fend for himself. Children are dependent on parents and they need to be front and center.
I wouldn't want to live 50 years ago! I got my degree and decided that marriage was never going to be my number 1 goal in life. Things have worked out because my Mother taught me to depend on myself and never expect life to be easy. An adult has to earn money to support a family, so most women cannot simply stay at home. One income usually isn't enough to support a family and our family would have been destitute without my income when my husband's firm laid him off. I don't believe women should get married young for the same reason men shouldn't get married young. It ends in divorce. I don't know many parents who think their kids are grown at 23. Most people are not even working a professional job at 23. The majority of the people I went to university with married between the ages of 28 to 36. I got married at 46.
@@toomuchinformation You don't need to have the greatest success to still be a worthy life But to dismiss the most foundational victory just because you didn't do it is indeed a failure
Thirty-five minutes of my life I won't get back. People who fail at marriage are the last ones who should give marriage advice. Suzanne thinks she's successful when sadly she isn't. Success is like art - subjective.
Some people think they want something; when they get it, they realize they didn't really want it and they demand a change. If that describes your spouse, there is little you can do except to divorce and move on. You may see that temporary set back as a negative. Others may see it as a positive, called experience. She has a good marriage, children, and a career. Why do you think she is not successful?
Suzanne is without God. Suzanne wants to live life without God. Suzanne choses to live life without the God that created her. If you listen to this advice you will be getting further away from God. Let this example from Kings be something for you to think about; Soon after Solomon had been crowned king, God spoke to him in a dream. “What would like me to give you, Solomon?” he said. “Ask for whatever you want and it shall be yours”. Solomon thought for a moment, and then answered humbly, “I’m young and have no experience of ruling a nation. I would like to be a great king like my father, but I don’t know how. I would ask you to give me wisdom that I might rule over your people wisely and do as you would have me do. Help me to distinguish between what is right and what is wrong.” God was pleased with Solomon’s answer. “Most people would have asked for wealth, or long life, or great victories”, he said. “You have asked only to be wise. I will give you wisdom. But I will also give you those things you did not ask for. We are NOT here for ME but for HIM.
Her advise is closer to God's order than anything I've heard lately. I'm 55 and mother of 6 and grandmother of 6 little grandsons. She's truthful and giving realistic advise.
