As a guy in my 40s, I’ve learned a few things over the years, and given some of the comments from the younger fellas on these types of channels, I see another pitfall - trying too hard to fit the gentleman mold or do whatever you think will attract women. Self-confidence and authenticity are more attractive than any clothing money could buy, so yes - take these tips as far as elevating your style, manners and etiquette - but incorporate them into your personality. Your primary goal shouldn’t be fitting whatever mold you think will win you attention from the ladies; it should be finding your authentic style that makes you feel great when you step out of the house. That will radiate so much more attractiveness than transparently trying too hard and likely failing
I absolutely agree with you. I do not intend for my channel to be 100% prescriptive or to insist that my way is the only way. I simply hope that my audience can use the ideal of being a 'gentleman' and being an attractive man as a way to improve their lives.
@@Gent.Z oh for sure, James. You do a great job. I also think it’s somewhat natural when guys are younger or just dipping their toes in a new lifestyle or approach to fashion. Kind of like when you’re first playing guitar you follow the tab books or lessons exactly, but as you gain confidence you start learning how to break the rules and incorporate the instruction into your own style
I particularly like the point of “a gentleman never misses an opportunity to brighten someone’s life with sincere and well meaning compliments “. I’ve been practicing it, but need to practice more.
I had recently given someone a compliment on their style of hat they wore that day. It was random and out of no where. I'm not sure how he felt, he thanked me with a smile but i felt great because it was a genuine compliment that i meant
When it comes to vaping, a gentleman recognizes his vices and works to rid himself of them. If you're an ex-smoker, keep going, you can quit. But it's also gentlemanly to not expose others to your vices. If you have to vape, maybe keep it at home until you can quit
@@Gent.Z yeah I don’t think most people under 30 these days are starting out with regular cigarettes. They start out vaping, but I’ve actually read that the opposite can happen - this can actually lead to smoking cigarettes and developing a dependency. Bad stuff, kids! Don’t do it lol
Never ask anyone "what are you doing tonight?" or "do you have plans tonight?" If they aren't busy then they feel obliged to accept or invent an excuse. Say "Would you like to do xyz tonight?" Then they can decide if they would like to join you or not.
Good idea. Don't be indecisive or wishy washy especially when asking a girl out on a date. She'll have the impression that you aren't confident or are uncertain.
1) Vapes 2) Opens something with his teeth 3) Eats on public transport 4) Wears open toe footwear anywhere except the beach or pool 5) Eats a meal without a napkin on his lap 6) Gives his unsolicited opinions on contentious topics 7) Leaves the toilet seat up 8) Ghosts 9) Never pays compliments
Ghosting is permissible in my opinion when the girl is giving out dangerous cues that go way past simple incompatibility. If she is throwing out hints or acting like she is going to hurt herself, others, or even you...remove yourself forthwith.
I tried vaping last year, but quickly realised it's not for me. Religion and politics can be hot topics, and I personally have no interest in politics as it is.
A rude behaviour a lot of people do in my area, but shouldn't be done by a gentleman is hurrying to grab a seat on public transport as soon as the doors open. For instance, almost everytime I am at the subway and I want to exit the train, as soon as the doors open and people from the inside want to get out, a lot of people from the outside hurry to grab a seat, without letting the other people exit. When travelling with any form of public transport, a gentleman always sits on any side of the doors, waits till everyone gets out, and then he enters. ~Tudor.
The best suggestion, in my opinion, is the one about giving sincere compliments. Spreading positivity is making it more likely to come back to us. Thank you for having the courage of teaching what too many people believe is outdated, or even sign of weakness.
No elbows on the table while eating and covering your mouth when yawning. Two things I've learned as a child, but aren't considered a matter of course.
James, I'm almost 20 years older than you but I absolutely appreciate the work you do. Needless to say, I still learn something from every video of yours.
Agreed. When you eat on the street, you convey an aura of anxiety, where it seems that you cannot contain yourself for a few minutes until you get home or find a table, in order to eat in a dignified manner. Plus, it's soooo low class to be piggying up in front of strangers. Quite a turn-off in ladies.
I enjoyed this video, but it occured to me how many of the behaviours on this list are simply a matter of good manners. Obviously, there is a close alignment between gentlemanly behaviour and good manners, but it is striking, and regrettable, how many people seem to regard good manners as optional today. Keep up the good work, James.
James, good restaurants - where I live anyway - offer black napkins to diners to avoid the off-putting white lint on dark trousers from those white napkins.
1. Vaping. 2. Opening an item with teeth 3. Eating on public transportation 4. Open toe footwear 5. Napkinless dining. 6. offering unsolicited opinions 7. unlowered toilet seat 8. Ghosting 9. refraining from compliments
Regarding thing 2: It's a good idea to carry a small pocket knife. I remember when my grandfather encountered a "frustration sealed package". Without any reaction he simply took out his pocket knife and made short work of it. Not only did it do the job but it looked suave. I've carried a pocket knife ever since. It also impresses the ladies when you can come to their aid opening a package or removing a tag.
Well said on all points. I especially agree with the footwear. I NEVER wish to see another man’s feet, yet I’m forced to literally everywhere. Despicable. 😖
I’ve never owned any form or sandal or flip flop. Just feels so wrong to me. If I go on holiday somewhere hot I take some expired running shoes for around the pool and dispose of them before I head home.
@@KeiAngelus Women’s feet can usually be attractive, delicate and as feminine as their hands. A man’s feet, including my own, are the opposite. They need not be displayed. And the recent trend of men wearing sandals or, worse yet, shower shoes with socks out in public just looks like they escaped from an asylum. Just don’t. Wear real shoes, please.
Guilty on eating on the train. I have about an hour train commute to work, and I will usually eat something handheld for breakfast, like a sandwich. I am conscious of making the sandwich neat and non-smelly and avoiding a mess. This is also a full-size train car with forward-facing seats, where riders have some degree of separation and privacy. I would not eat on something like a subway or light rail. I am open to criticism. If you gents think I am being rude, let me know.
On Amtrak in Coach, you do not have anywhere to eat. Only people in the sleeper cars get to use the dining car. You should not be a slob. If you are on a 20 hour trip, you eat at your seat.
The one about religion and politics rings true to me. I used to always discuss religion and politics at work. It became a common thing with me. I’ve since stopped that almost entirely, unless asked by a close friend. I read in a post years ago about a group of friends who got together and the topic of a common friend came up among them. They all agreed he was such a likable person but they couldn’t pinpoint why. Why did everyone unanimously like him? Well, they realized it was because he was never opinionated about things. He never got angry with people and people never got angry toward him pushing his beliefs unto others. That story resonated with me and since, I’ve not gotten political with people at work. It’s given me a lot of peace of mind and over the years, I’ve gotten along with more people.
I have never vaped. I am 62 and stopped smoking in January 2024, I just went cold turkey and after 3 weeks it got easier. What I am going to do at Christmas is allow myself to smoke when I am at a couple of parties I know I will be attending.
Thank you for another excellent video. One of the many things I learned from my Mentor was to wipe off the basin and faucet after washing my hands . He said not doing this is like leaving the toilet unflushed. Another was to say to someone, after a sneeze and he/she says God bless you, thank you and you as well. Both of these usually gets a second look.
I observe the younger generation doesn’t care mind talking with food in the mouth and eating noisy anymore. Even higher class individuals. Very aggravating.
If your companion has a cliff hanger or something on their teeth then non-nonchalantly let them know right away. It's the right thing to do and builds trust.
A gentleman always opens doors for ladies. I can be in a dress with heels, but I will open a door for a lady who is wearing trousers and flat shoes. And I do wear men's coat and tie outfits also. And I regard myself as a freestyler with expanded clothing options as I don't imagine myself as a woman or have a feminine name.
Great video, thank you for the positive, helpful message. In my small office, colleagues will cook heavens-knows what for lunch, then bring it into the office for the rest of us to smell the stench of overcooked broccoli, brussel sprouts, burnt popcorn, or whatever bitter foulness. My favourite part was saying a gentleman never opens a package with their teeth while opening a package with your teeth. I always wear socks with my sandals, so no worries there. Open-crotch trousers sounds interesting, I'll have to look into that. Additionally, men, be sure to sweep up all hairs after shaving or trimming, huge turn-off for a lady to encounter clippings of any sort. All the best & God bless from the east coast U.S.A.
I enjoy the channel, James, and as a reference I would recommend those books sold in Brooks Brothers, such as ‘ A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up,’ and “How to be a Gentlemen.” Great stuff!
Smoking and vaping is gentlemanly. E-cigarettes, Iqos, cigarettes, cigarillos, cigars, shisha - no problem with any of these. I would rather replace this with "not washing your hands after leaving toilet" as it seems many men could not learn this even during covid.
Great thoughts James. On the dining out, I do the two napkin routine. One for my lap and one to dab at my mouth as needed. The establishments that I frequent now supply this automatically for me.
I sat next to an old black guy on the bus who was cutting his nails for an hour yesterday. Absolute zero self-awareness. Had to switch seats cause his nails were flying everywhere. Really wanted to ask the guy if he's ever heard of manners.
I wanted to add a further point to the keeping a toilet seat down after use. It's also about hygiene and I got into the habit of putting the seat down and then flushing, because if you leave the seat up and flush, droplets of urine and fecal matter can splash out of the toilet onto surrounding areas, such as on towels. Not a nice thought.
The problem with napkins is they give you cheap paper napkins that fall off. I don’t give opinions on politics and religion but I talk objectively and gauge the situation. I don’t give my opinions but rather ask objective questions
Say word James! Spot on! Especially the toilet seat, thanks for that. Another point - it is unhygienic to flush with the seat up, so please don't do that, especially in someone else's home.
Ghosting IS so rude. Not enough people want to admit it though. There are different reasons we ghost but the one common among them all is that over the internet we don’t treat each other as humans but as nodes in a web of possible social hierarchy ascension pathways
1 do not vape 2 Do not packages with your teeth 3 Do not eat on public transport 4 Do not wear open toe footwear 5 Do not eat without a napkin on your lap 6 Do not give your unsolicited opinion on Politics, Religion etc 7 DO NOT leave the toilet seat up 8 Do not Ghost anyone without an explanation 9 Always leave a relationship on a positive note Bonus rule 10 Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt
All excellent remarks. Especially the open toe shoe and the toilet seat. Other things: biting your nails, not yielding to others when entering/exiting a lift, or a room, etc.; driving impatiently...
Question: does it count in a culture where it seems like everyone is wearing open-toed sandals like South and Southeast Asia? I'm being serious here, not a joke!
@@aldenhaverfield655 it makes more sense in warmer climates, but for the most part, it is not very sophisticated, it just looks like you're not putting an effort into being presentable. I also see it more as a "feminine" footwear, not very "manly". I've only worn them in the vicinity of a swimming pool.
Thanks James in regards to the toilet seat, yes, many times I've been pulled up for it, and at my girlfriend's place. They assume it's down and if not they'll fall down it.
Talking loudly on the phone or to another person in a public setting is incredibly rude. Eating with your mouth open. These two forms of bad behaviour make my blood boil.
Personally I dislike to see people eating whilst walking. I think it is disrespectful to those that prepared the food and for those around them. I believe that it might actually be illegal do so on the streets of Japan, it is certainly heavily frowned upon there.
I dont get the napkin thing. I tend to place it over my lap when its provided in a restaurant, just because that is the place it goes. But I dont find it to be functionally effective: It covers my lap, which is under the table anyway, while I am eating. The part that is not under the table is my crotch and my belly/breast, both of which cannot be covered by the napkin. This is especially true when wearing a jacket (which I always do, at least in 100% of the cases I eat in a restaurant), which pushes the napkin away from my belly anyway. So I basically always end up with a napkin covering my legs, which wont come into contact with falling food anyway, and anything that could fall on me would hit my shirt in the breast/belly area.
In some countries, especially Asia, eating and drinking on public transit is banned. You can't even chew gum. Also, regarding the napkin, I'd rather the napkin somehow protect the front of my shirt as opposed to my lap. However I love to wipe my mouth frequently to the consternation of my wife, so I'm forever conflicted about whether to leave the napkin in my lap or not. 😂
I've been on the subway in Beijing, and it was absolutely spotless every time! I agree with the message about not eating on public transit, especially about the stink and the crumbs and mess. On a very rare occasion, after a long day without food, I did discreetly eat nibbles from a muffin from inside a paper bag, but left zero crumbs, and left no packages or napkins or mess whatsoever, and it was basically odourless.
@@mtlicq Yeah you do have to do a little planning because you can't even drink water. So you either do it before you enter the station or just as soon as you leave.
Part of the reason you use a napkin is so you can wipe your mouth. Having food around your mouth is very unsightly. Sometimes I probably wipe my mouth more than necessary because I'm paranoid about having food around it, especially if I'm eating a meal with a lot of sauce. But I'd rather wipe my mouth too much than miss something.
@@Gent.Z Yeah, probably also a good idea to eat food that isn't too potentially messy especially if you are wearing nice clothes and on a date. Definitely don't order something that you need your hands to eat with, or something that can spray.
Number 2 Opening things w/teeth, thats wi always recommend that a gentleman should always carry a pocket knife. No needs for a big one a Victorinox Classic SD in alox is enough in case of need.
Here’s a tip. Even if you’re a non-smoker, carry a nice high-quality lighter with you. Though it’s less common these days, sometimes you will encounter the occasional classy lady who smokes. Nothing is more classically gentlemanly than offering her a light. Plus, I admit I have kind of a thing for the sight of an attractive woman elegantly smoking a cigarette, so by offering her such a gesture, I am conveying to her that she can be comfortable doing so in front of me
I agree with this tip. I recently had a date outdoors with a beautiful woman in France. Lighting her cigarettes for her with my gold Zippo felt like quite the old Hollywood moment.
@@Gent.Z exactly! Many men are going to steer clear of women who smoke, and that’s fine. I also don’t encourage any man or woman to take up smoking, but for those women who choose to, and the men who choose to date them, this move is still classy as hell
Allow me to add a 10th thing that a real gentleman never does: clipping his finger nails in public!!! For me its disgusting! Do it at home or during a visit to the barbershop!
Didn't agreed fully; Gentlemen aren't perfect- perfect doesn't exist; lot of Gentlemen smokes Cigars and cigarettes _ drinks alcohol- of course which isn't good for their health.
