A Divorce Lawyer On Everything You Should Know Before Getting Married 

I'd say you can do the same with your "state decides" prenup as well. Most people have no idea what the standard and responsibilities of marriage is where they live in the first place, to take the time to skip over that and go to a prenup isn't what I'd recommend but I completely agree about having the conversation about it as a great indicator.

A good lawyer can easily poke holes through prenups

You just put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig

So true!

Seriously

Well said!

We tell our daughter that the “other half” bullshit is bullshit, and that she’s a full person whether she stays single all her life, as one partner, or has multiple. I detest the idea that awe are only half and need someone else to make us whole.

There's a reason it's pushed on women so young. It's not just about "fertility". It's about making sure the woman hasn't figured herself out before she adds a man to her life. A lot of marriages hit trouble when the kids come along. A lot of men have no clue what kids will do to the relationship. They get mad that their wives aren't there for them as much. Are tired. Grumpy. Fat. And of course the wife is like what the fuck. And then there's the money side of things. Loss of income. Stress of transport. Sickness. Lack of sleep. Happens so much. The wedding is the party at the start of the race. Ya better have the right shoes.

Cheers

❤❤❤❤😊

This is disgusting they are allowed to promote their business things

kind of unpatient ha?

@@ramelchilds7416 are you joking or? Pretty sure they are allowed to earn a living and don’t owe us content for free

Coming up on 14 years for us. My husband was married once before, and when they split, they were adults about it instead of two assholes fighting to screw the other one over. They split jointly held things 50/50, and that was that. I knew them at the time, and saw it happen. They simply wanted different things out of life in the end, and made sure they were both taken care of before splitting. Why do people think that divorcing should mean having to fight and hate?

@@NoelleTakestheSky facts. Adults acting like adults.

What is a “blow account”? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that term before.

@@Ashaliyevafun money. Money that we spend as we please without being questioned.

@@NoelleTakestheSkyI think because we mostly don’t see people getting divorced until _after_ their relationship has reached a hate&fight stage. So we think of those as being part and parcel of divorce.

Right. I'd rather decide my divorce together when we're on good terms than let the government decide what's fair.

I truly get why what you're saying is so important, and I genuinely want to find happiness as well. I've got someone special in my life, and even though we're not together at the moment, I can't picture my life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm all in to make it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to fix stuff...

Saying goodbye to someone you cherish is consistently difficult, yet in my case, I received support from a spiritual advisor who kept my marriage intact. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

I value this advice. I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that following this path will bring about positive outcomes for me too; I long for her deeply.

You should

I agree with this! If we could get advice and commentary from layers dealing with “regular people” that would be a great perspective

I loved the last one!

Oh the last guy was great! (This one us too!)

My Fiance and I have budgeted a wedding for under 8k. She is from another country though and we will be having a second wedding in her home country, which will be an additional 3-5k. Thankfully we don't have to dip too far into our savings and will be debt free other than some relatively low student loans and a car payment going into our marriage.

Very smart. Congratulations! 🎊

It’s still called that a lot. A bunch of my cousins and friends have had the minister/officiant say “who gives this woman” once they reach the alter/front. Even if their father didn’t walk them down the aisle, or both parents did. Still icked me out. I had both parents walk with me, and forbade our officiant from asking that or from saying obey in the vows or from “presenting” us as Mr. and Mrs. (It was kind of exciting to hear us be called Husband and Wife, anyway). Since our friend was our officiant, she wouldn’t have done any of that anyway, but it never hurts to be clear.

That’s because women were chattel for centuries.

Exactly!

Do you have automatic rights to a spouse’s financial assets and medical authority in the USA if for instance your spouse was in anyway unfit to control their finances or medical situation? In the UK we don’t have automatic autonomy over our spouse’s medical decisions or their financial affairs. We have to by law apply for a lasting power of attorney a medical power of attorney and financial power of attorney This in the UK has to be registered with the OPG (office of public guardian). Before they can legally access the spouses finances or medical care

That lawyer friend gave you both the best wedding gift! 💐

@@carpediem44 I absolutely agree! 🙂

Based on anecdotal evidence, divorce after a major medical event seems to be more common in the United States. Depending on your state, you can be held responsible for your spouse’s medical debt. I know at least two couples that legally divorced but stayed together after cancer diagnosis because they were advised to do so by a financial advisor.

Illness leads to divorce for multiple valid reasons, and none of them are “ew, sickie.” Things like doing so on paper to protect finances, or burnout on the part of the not-sick partner. Sure, the sick one can’t escape, but the other one acting as a caregiver not getting support will burn out mentally, and it’s not fair to expect that to be life. Illnesses also do change people, and people grow apart. The presence of an illness shouldn’t obligate two people to stay together if they’ve grown apart. A person isn’t a bad person if they decide that the relationship they now have isn’t going to work for the long term. Trying to guilt people into staying will lead to resentment in a relationship, and it doesn’t mean either person was bad, just human.

Based queen

Good on her!

@@NannyDiaries23 this is the definition of financial infidelity… if he didn’t know where the money was going she was in control of the finances

@@jzmina yup and we have no idea where it came from! Im thinking fraud. She was a very abusive woman.

how in the world is that a good thing​@@NannyDiaries23

that's a great suggestion to speak with people who are happy with how much they spent and get the low-down on how they did it to still be happy afterwards about it all despite what they spent

I love Shelise and Jonathan. They seem like great people and they have a great channel. They could also talk about cults and financial abuse

Is someone automatically “low quality” simply because they earn less than you?

so if a man divorces a woman who earns less and pays her alimony after the divorce, is the ex wife a "dirtbag deadbeat" as well?

@@adamp6320fair question…

@@pisceanbeauty2503fair question…

I didn't know alimony was still a thing.

if you go back to the first season of TFC there is an episode where this is briefly discussed (also a divorce lawyer). In essence, the postnup has less legal standing than a prenup would and often can get tossed in a divorce trial.

That’s a great point. I think in that case, it’s important to prioritize whichever you value most. If in a position where only one of feasible, I’d choose a prenup over a wedding any day.

NOLO law books. Written especially for lay people. They are at the library and cover topics from landlord/tenant law to wills to starting a company to prenups. Also Legal Zoom. This is all at the library or online. And even if you are not in the U.S., it's STILL online.

Divorce is expensive as soon as you get attorneys involved.

You could have used a paralegal for the fraction of the cost of a lawyer.

It's really important to discuss the financial aspects of a marriage.

There are books and LOTS of free resources. Search online, go to the library.

from resentment about past things that happened (financial or sexual infidelity, controlling behaviour, mismatch of values leading to disagreeing on how to spend time or money, not agreeing on what each person's role should be especially in a context of misogyny and women should be submissive but not necessarily only this scenario). unwillingness to communicate alot of times being related to loss of respect, or fear of being vulnerable, or unexamined emotions / expectations leading to stonewalling or tantrums. so 'unwillingness to communicate' is more accurate and underneath there is a million possible problems.

that sounds miserable

@@shalenah that’s life sweetheart! It’s not all rosy and sure as hell not hallmark. It’s a mixture of great times, good times, bad times and terrible times.

The point of alimony used to be that the at-home spouse’s work wasn’t paid, but had value, and without that person’s work, the paid work of the other would likely have been less. Let’s say you’re the spouse with the income, and your spouse at home is taking care of the kids during the day and into the evening, is doing the cleaning, the laundry, and the cooking, not just the days you’re working, but the weekends too, so that you can rest and relax, then go kick ass at work…you think that person should get fucked and left in the cold just because their 7-day job didn’t come with a paycheck? That was the point of alimony. Until startlingly recently in our history, women needed permission from their husbands to even get jobs. And there’s a limit on how long the bad times should be allowed to last before a couple should start to consider splitting. Ongoing misery isn’t okay. Wanting to kill your spouse isn’t okay.

@@yorkshirehousewife784 Oh. You’re a sexist.

@@NoelleTakestheSky yes, I couldn’t agree more. The ownership of women (I like to call it) has all happened in my lifetime. From physical abuse that the constabulary turns a blind eye to, to autonomy over the household finances (this is called financial abuse now). My Grandmothers Generation were the first women to vote. If you’re wanting to kill someone then the marriage is definitely not working. And you should just leave immediately. All I’m saying is there are going to be dark times in a marriage. And tempers will flare (if it gets physical leave, because once it happens it will happen again). For all sorts of reasons.

I know friendly divorce happens, but if you are really amicable with your spouse I would imagine there's a good chance you'd want to try to stay together/work things out. I can see why divorces happen when spouses are hostile to each other in the main (infedility financial or otherwise!). My spouse and I kid that the only way we are getting out of the marriage is a funeral (old age though not a death threat I don't think!)

Common trope. Did you know your attorney has to do what you say? Half the people I know who blame lawyers are po'ed that their wife asked for half their retirement (which 100% of judges would give them) and didn't just do the amicable thing and agree to 100% of the husband's demands. Also half those couples one party is talking to an attorney secretly. There are absolutely bad attorneys. There are also good attorneys who bring their client down to earth. Many times the other side getting an attorney saves money and time and avoids fights. I have also had many, many women contact me and say "we want to do this amicably wothout attorneys, but I just wanted to talk about my rights" and it turns out (1) the husband is asking for a ridiculously unfair split where he gets most ("I earned it, it's mine") and (2) they always seem to suspiciously find an attorney within 24 hours if she fights back. I have absolutely seen attorneys who drag their clients into stupid fights. I have also seen lawyers pull their clients out of them. Lawyers aren't mythical creatures. They can't force you into a fight you don't want. It's like hiring a general contractor. If you tell them "build me a house, I'll pay for it, don't bother me with the details" you're inviting trouble. Of course this will vary by state. Our state puts couples in mediation before anyone is allowed to file any motions to fight outside of emergencies. Made a big difference. Local culture matters to.

Every state has different laws around divorce. It could be amicable, but the state might rule slightly more in favor of one party vs another.

It’s not lawyers. Those come in when there’s already hostility. There’s this societal expectation that people should stay together even when it’s mot working, and that causes resentment to build. THAT is the big driver in hostility. It two people could split when they know it’s not going to work, things would be a lot better for all involved. But no, we tell people to work it out even when their goals and paths diverge too much. Then friends are expected to take sides. It’s society saying that even the underlying friendship has to end when the relationship ends.

@@adamp6320 My husband and his first wife split when where they wanted to be had no middle ground. If all it takes is the ability to be amicable, then any two random people who get along should be fine as spouses. But that’s not how it works. Sometimes people realize what they want is different, and there isn’t common ground that won’t lead to resentment, and so they decided to split before hating each other. So we should make them stay together until they hate each other? No. They get ahead of the curve before letting resentment and hate set in.

refresh and find out :p

Just because you have nothing now doesn't mean that will always be the case

@@banefulbty If you come to have something during the marriage, it can be fought over in the case of the divorce in most places unless it’s inherited. Prenups can be challenged and can even be thrown out. They do best when protecting assets acquired prior to a marriage, not during. Any of your success during a marriage can be argued to be the result of the hard work and support of your spouse (whether true or not).

@@banefulbty That’s the exactly mindset that results in people not voting to raise taxes on the richest. Oh, they’re not in the 0.01% NOW, but that doesn’t mean that will always be the case. So vote against taxes and presume you’ll be that rich one day. A lot of Gen Zers, especially, already know that their chances of having anything to split later is a pipe dream for most of them. Older people who have something to gain by convincing everyone that prenups are needed by all, so give them money, shouldn’t be trusted. For a LOT of younger people, a better financial investment is to set aside the thousands they can expect to spend in a couple of attorneys in case they one day defy the odds and end up extremely rich. Save it for an emergency. A huge cause of divorces are financial issues in emergencies. Giving what could be an emergency fund to attorneys is a great way of increasing the chance of needing attorneys later.

@smileygirl622 Spouses can end up responsible for debt that their partner incurred prior to the marriage. A prenup at least will let you know the debt that each of you carry, and will allow you to decide if you really want to take on a spouse's debt.

If you're married, you're sharing finances. Doesn't matter if you want to or agree to or not. If it's not in a prenup, each party is presumptively, often conclusively, presumed to be equally contributing and spending. So if you are married and have separate finances, and get a divorce, and there's a $50k bank account and a $0 bank account, both are getting $25k. Doesn't matter how the money was spent. You're an adult and married, you are considered to consent to your spouses spending if you're not filing for divorce absent documented provable lies.

In my country that approach isn’t foolproof

@@doomedwit1010 Who said anything about marriage? Im saying two people that live together, but don't share finances, expect to pay bills. I'm saying you DINK and never share finances INSTEAD of marriage. Like the video said, it's a legal contract with vestigial ties to women being property: why would anyone want to get married lol?

@@doomedwit1010 Also, I'm never gonna so much as date someone who can't afford their own life, much less marry them. I don't care what that life is, but you wanna live it, you gotta bring the cash

Someone’s got to have the kids that get raised into the future doctors those DINKs will use while looking down on the parents who are to thank for those doctors existing.

There are a series of law books by a publisher called NOLO. You can find them at the library. These books cover everything from starting a company to writing a will to creating a prenuptial. You and your fiance should at least research and discuss prenuptials.

​@@carpediem44That's nice but also based in US law. Which doesn't help me.

​@LUCYDebDolly Sorry I presumed you are in the United States.

​@@carpediem44A very common US thing to do. Trust me, the rest of the world is used to it

You don't have to be rich to get prenup.

It's unfortunate, but a marriage is actually a business contract. It's a contract with the state.

Part of our marriage planning was a required Pre-Cana weekend, where all these scenarios were discussed (financial, sickness, in-laws, etc). Just celebrated our 35th anniversary.

Unfortunately, Catholicism isn’t a legal defense.

@@bridgetconley9279 maybe if you live in the Vatican?

My grandmother was like that. She and grandpa had a bitter, hate filled relationship they were unable to end and they spread that bitterness intergenerationally

Wonderful! I'm listening to the Bible in a year podcast and it seems Jesus DID indeed say a man may NOT divorce his wife. Ever. Nor a woman divorce her husband. EVER. Love one another and be true to your commitment. (even when you don't feel like it)

I think their discussion and advice could be applicable to people of many different faiths and more religious talk might be a distraction from the focus. Faith and its impacts on marriage (both positive and negative) could be a whole video itself. From strict gender roles driving partners apart, to guilt tripping religious leaders keeping people in abusive situations because they're against divorce, to the positive effect religious teachings have on some people's relationships, to the impact of religion on interfaith marriage. It's a lot to talk about and not really the focus of this channel

@@bexpainter4401 I find most of the advice to be pretty bad to be honest. Couples who pray together are 50% less likely to be divorced. This new age of relationships and genderless marriage contracts hasn’t really proved to benefit anyone. Least of all women. Let’s stop acting like women are these fragile creatures who are trapped in marriage. This is statistically not true. Women have all the power to initiate divorce. And they have. In big numbers. 90% of the time custody goes to the mom even in cases of no fault divorce. I think anyone who genuinely is about to get married should spend less time on their prenup and more time on their faith. Saying that on this channel is “hateful” tho because “not everyone believes in god”. lol ok

@@bexpainter4401 also prenups are especially useless. You can ignore the facts but, for most people - you are literally planning on the marriage to fail. If you have any doubts whatsoever - don’t get married. People are so in a rush to make a lifelong commitment without even knowing who they’re marrying. That’s the real issue. Also- statistically. You’re more likely to get divorced if you sign a prenup… a self fulfilling prophecy

​@@user-nw6sg3wo2wno one said it was hateful, just irrelevant advice to a financial youtube channel. Prenups make sense to talk about on a secular channel, specific religious practices don't. Not everyone is religious so it's not relevant, but everyone is living and operating under the laws of our country.

@@user-nw6sg3wo2w if you only want advice that aligns with your worldview then maybe you should talk to your religious leader instead of watching this channel? A lot of them offer free counseling