A Little Piece of Heaven - The Cinema Snob 

"You're black!?"- Kirk Cameron

"If you don't get me a girl, I won't play Heaven with you anymore." That is one of the most disturbing things I've ever heard. That could mean SO MANY different things, and NOT ONE of them doesn't involve jail time.

Kidnapping, child abuse, racism and poking fun at the mentally challenged. All in the name of the lord.

Brad is a proper homeboy.

You know, when Belinda Carlisle told us Heaven is a place on Earth... I don't think this is what she meant.

"I promise this will be the last one," said the definitely not serial killer.

I love how IMDb uses the word "kidnap" with quotation marks. Quit the bullshit, that's exactly what he does!

This movie takes a bold stance by saying that drugging, kidnapping, and brainwashing children is not as bad as it appears at first glance. Truly, this is an inspiration for all the aspiring kidnappers out there!

This is legitimately terrifying.

I'm sure there's a Criminal Minds episode with almost exactly the same plot line......

This could be a really intense movie if it was a character study with a very serious tone. A young man with a disabled sister must try and maintain the farm, care for his sister, participate in his church and his volunteer work at the orphanage and all this strain wears him so thin that he snaps. He kidnaps kids from the orphanage, tells them a crazy story to keep them there on the farm with his sister and to help out with the chores all while he spirals into madness. Martin Scorsese would direct.

That angel costume is hilarious. He looks like he was assaulted by a door-to-door Christmas lights salesman.

The brownie with the "Don't Tell" label really, genuinely, truly put a shiver down my spine. It's that moment where you don't exactly gasp or make a shocked sound ... you just stop breathing and gawk. Somebody signed off on this. Somebody released funds to produce it. Somebody committed this to media and distributed it. How? Also, something about the special-needs sister throwing a tantrum, refusing to "play heaven" anymore seriously tweaked something in my brain. In the words of snobs everywhere, "what the fuck, movie?"

This movie NEEDS to be given the RU-vid horror movie editing treatment. Add scary background music and quick choppy edits and you’ve got yourself pure horror gold.

I know this movie is fiction, but I'm so disturbed and even angry about the psychological abuse the main character inflicted on those children and his sister! And the GALL this movie has to treat this as a good thing is just sickening!

"your black" jesus christ i was drinking hot coffee

Damn, try doing this movie now a days. If it had one ounce of realism, it would end with Kirk Cameron not being allowed within 50 feet of kids. Shoot, half expected Chris Hansen to pop up any moment.

Can a movie be arrested? -a darn good question Snob!

When you said the opening I thought you were just using hyperbole, that he actually was supposed to be an angel who takes dead kids to his version of heaven. Finding out you weren't kidding about that though, holy shit. Could we get Sarah's reaction to seeing this movie?

Kirk wouldn't be out of place in a Silent Night, Deadly Night sequel. Just putting that out there.

First off if Kirk was struggling to care for his sister, then he needed to put her in a home. I know it’s an unpleasant thought but sometimes you can’t care for a mentally ill on your own. Second why did no one report that mom who abused the girl?! People will call CPS if kids play outside but not if they’re getting beaten in public. I’m convinced the little boy grew up to be D’Andre in Saving Christmas. That’s why he’s at Kirk’s Christmas party

God that guy is just always saving Christmas. We need him now more than ever to save us from the tyranny of Starbucks cups and Happy Holidays.

How does an entire group of writers, actors, crew or whatever just COMPLETELY miss how fucked up this thing was? I need a shower after watching this one.

"OK GUY'S, I GOT AN IDEA! WHAT IF THERE WERE A MOVIE ABOUT A GUY WHO STOLE KIDS FOR HIS MENTALLY HANDICAPPED SISTER?" "Oh, so it's a horror film?" "OH! Um, no." "... Jim, did you... did you..." "NO! NO, I DIDN'T DO IT AGAIN WHAT NO." "... Ok, let's do it so we can argue we didn't know so we won't be implicated."

This deserves to be remade as a slasher movie.

Yearly reminder that Kirk Cameron's former popularity was just as unexplainable as his current one. Even back then.

the whole kidnap and dressing up as an angel reminds me of the South Park episode Child Abduction is Not Funny whereby the abductor dressed up as the Ghost of Christmas Present and abducted the kids of the Town of South Park

"WTF?!" doesn't even begin to describe the pure 😨 of this flick. I think Brad has finally found a film more bugnuts than questioning whether or not he's part of Fat Grandma's imagination.

The thing that gets me most is that they could have done most of the same story if he just ADOPTED THE KIDS NORMALLY! He could have called child protective services, then felt guilty and adopted the little girl himself. Sure it's contrived but it wouldn't be horrifying.

"The next movie will be pretty lame in comparison." Tempting Fate, Brad Jones' favorite hobby.

I nearly spat out milk from the Chris Hansen joke!

This review is destined to be a cinema snob classic

Never before had I heard a films description from brad and my guttural reaction being NOOOOO and WRONG

I cracked up so bad at "this movie needs an ADULT!!" at 7:17

Such great representation of mental illness.... Truly the next rendition of Forrest Gump

After seeing this review Kirk Cameron makes Neil Breen movies seem sane

Brad looks incredibly phallic in the thumbnail...

I like to think these Kirk Cameron movies are set in the same universe.

8:16 A movie where a white guy kidnaps a black person and makes them work on a farm? I've never heard of anything like _that_ ever happening! Is this taking place in the south?

How in the world could anyone think a movie about kidnapping children would be a family classic?

I like the little black kid. He's like a little Mr. T. It would have been awesome if a tiny version of the A-Team defeated creepy Kirk Cameron and ended up with them saving Christmas. Edit: Tiny Murdock would be amazing.

Why does this movie feel like one of the odder episodes of Criminal Minds?

so Camerons adopted sister went full simple jack

A very special Law & Order SVU.

Ahhh this is so creepy. This feels like bad a sequel to Of Mice and Men

Between the kidnapping, stereotyping of African Americans, the absolutely offensive depiction of someone with mental health problems, belittling of actual child abuse, and the bias and inept presentation of the police and justice system I can't decide what more disgusts me. I love to hear from any commenters about what about this movie is the most horrific.

"you were in the young frankenstein! and the oogieloves."

If you thought that Saving Christmas was batshit insane... it is. But this is worse!

Thank you Brad. I am now naming my firstborn child, Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.

We just watched Deep Impact for a quiz in my film class a couple weeks ago, also directed by Mimi Leder. And she directed this too? Oh...my god.

This movie makes Miss Velma look calm and subdued and 'Fun in Balloon Land' look wholesome.

So...his punishment was to continue doing the thing he was doing already? That would be like punishing Jeffrey Dahmer by forcing him to eat people. It kind of defeats the purpose of punishing him in the first place.

I didn't know "Room" was a remake.

How disturbing. The people who made this movie should be on the FBI watch list.

Loomis??? This the spinoff to Halloween that we don't deserve!

How is..how is this at all an inspiring or feel-good story whatsoever? He's committing a crime. Several crimes. I know it's a lot to ask, but couldn't Kirk's character have maybe struck a deal with the orphanage where they have the kids sign up to work and play on the farm? It'd be like a field trip sort of thing -- the kids get to spend time with animals and his sister, and the sister gets kids to play with, and *no laws are broken in the process* . And Kirk's character gets free labor from the kids, other than what he probably would need for snacks and juice and such. It would be a voluntary thing, of course, but kids love farm animals, so there would have to be at least a handful that would want to feed some pigs or pet some goats.

How did anyone not think this was messed up?

I didn't realize that Kirk Cameron's differently abled angelic death cult would ever be a thing that I would ever type.

This will end like Jonestown aint it?

Great review, Brad! That was one f'ed up movie, and they tried to call it a family picture... I mean, a FAM-ULL-EE PICK-CHA. And yeah, that scene in the store with that poor girl getting slapped. Kirk and the cashier may have done nothing, but I'll tell ya, if I were in a store and I saw a parent slapping their kid around like that, I'd kick their ass up and down the street. Funniest part here was when Kirk pulled back the covers and said, "you're black!" Reminds me of that scene in Lethal Weapon 2. "But...but... you're black."

Merry Christmas, Brad Jones.

Never thought I'd see the day where a Christmas movie starring a young Kirk Cameron that is more nuts than the one with the growed up Kirk Cameron... Also, considering the fact that Lacey Chabert is in this, I'm pretty sure this is where the writers of Modern Family Guy got their inspiration for Meg's Flanderization.

When Kirk Cameron dressed like the angel and talked to the little girl, his facial expressions made him a perfect resemblance of Ramsey Bolton from Game of Thrones.

Someone needs to do a crossover of old fashioned and saving Christmas, but frame it like Freddy vs Jason.

Holiday classic indeed. Kirk Cameron is a menace and must be stopped at all costs.

I have NEVER laughed so hard at a review JESUS CHRIST

It is our patriotic duty to make sure Kirk Cameron never makes another goddamn Christmas movie. I am legitimately worried about what he's gonna do with his next Christmas movie. It might involve him starting his own cult.

This was nominated for an Emmy: 1992, Outstanding Individual Achievement in Music Composition for a Miniseries or a Special . Seriously!!

Where is Jason Voorhees when you need him??

It's like someone went back in time and gave the movie's writer the rough draft to a rejected South Park episode and just told him to change the names of the places and people. Kirk Cameron has to have one of the craziest extended cinematic universes out there. There should be a crossover between Cameron's and Pirkle's cinematic universes.

Was this made during Kirk Cameron's drug addiction years?

A Family Classic, Manson Family that is.

Shockingly, this got an Emmy nomination for its music

What a festive Christmas story. What exactly does "playing Heaven" with Kirk Cameron's developmentally challenged sister involve? I... am almost afraid to ask.

Kirk, Tell Me about the Rabbits

2:31 I have a feeling Sia watched this and said "Hmm. This gives me an idea "

For a second I thought it was Brad doing a cover of the Avenged Sevenfold song. I had very different expectations.

I wanna see a drama like Criminal Minds to just straight-up steal this movie's plot for the villain of an episode. Would be amazing.

The other day I messaged Lacey Chabert on Instagram and told her I saw this movie recently, and while I didn't think it was any good, told her I thought her performance was great. She responded and thanked me, which I didn't expect.

WOW!!! This movie is the kind of next-level WTF that only comes along once in a blue moon. Seriously, how did this movie even get made?

You could use creepy music through the whole movie and it would work

Take any episode of a crime procedural show that's about a kidnapping, and replace their scenes of the kidnapper with this. I'm pretty sure you would not only get an emmy, but David Fincher would cite you as the inspiration for his next film.

I legit wanna see this as a modern thriller remake

Not even halfway through the review and I had to pause it twice. First time to comprehend what the fuck was going on in the movie, and second for “angel measles” which literally left me speechless before shouting “OK!” SERIOUSLY!!!

this is not heaven its PURGATORY

Move over What's Eating Gilbert Grape. There's a new classic about people with developmental disabilities in town ... SERIOUSLY! Who would have thought Left Behind was somehow Kirk Cameron's most grounded movie? The Ringer had a less offensive portrayal of those with developmental disabilities. And don't even get me started on the kidnapping shit!

And then the little girl (Hazel) grew up to be the girl from Christian Mingle: The Movie. Goddamnit Lacey Chabert! Pick better movies! You were Eliza Thornberry!

The sister's performance... WOW! OUTSTANDING! DiCaprio's performance in Gilbert Grape has nothing on this!

The abused girl in the movie broke my heart. The fact that living with Kirk Cameron is shown as a better alternative makes me sick to my stomach . And hold up ! People knew that she was being abused and no one called the authorities. This is many shades of fucked up.

Brad's oh no was how I felt about the whole movie.

If this doesnt have Kirk drinking a empty cup of hot coco im gonna call humbug on this.

I had always wondered what happened to Kirk Cameron after Growing Pains. Now I know, *he went fucking insane* I'm sure with over 800 comments this was already mentioned but I felt it needed mentioned as often as possible. Dude is psychotic, not the character in this movie, him, the actual man, is crazy.

Oh my goodness, this is like a psychological thriller stuck in a christmas movie's body

This might be my favorite Snob episode to date. You didn't even need to make jokes all you had to do is describe the batshit insane plot.

-Who wrote this?- Who let Kirk Cameron rewrite this!?

Okay, for some reason I'm starting to appreciate "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas" a lot more. I mean I'm glad this movie flew under my radar in the 90's. This movie just has "Wrong" written all over it. I mean, just the plot alone is a warning flag, an orphaned Farmer kidnaps two children so they can be playmates for his mentally disabled sister. And yet by the end of the movie, everyone's okay with it, even the kidnapped kids, and Kirk's character is basically "rewarded" for his misdeed. At least with "Saving Christmas", the plot was batshit insane for it to be so bad its good, but this movie, despite some good filmmaking and decent performances, has its morals mixed up. Great episode.

I can't tell you how many times I said "No" and shook my head in disbelief throughout this. Damn, this movie is a wild ride of insanity from beginning to end.

I can't be the only one that has been watching Brad since TGWTG because of the sheer obscurity of his movie picks

Moral of the story: Keep Kirk Cameron the hell away from your kids!

They went to visit a grave of a guy named loomis, you missed a Halloween joke there.