@@paranoclue I can’t tell if you’re trying to help but personally I always hate when others tell someone to just get therapy. A. It’s dismissive, instead of being part of the solution you just shove the person aside to a therapist B. Therapists are expensive, not everyone can afford them, and even if you can why should I have to, I’m not the one who’s got the problem here C. It solves nothing, how is talking to a therapist going to get me friends or a support network or show me a community that cares? That’s what I feel everyone misses
@@joshuaolander201 problem is it doesn’t solve the issues that caused this in the first place, putting a bandaid over an infection doesn’t stop the bacteria
@@mylifewithautism3958 I've been around the block a few times kid and the one thing I have learned is that there's only one thing on this Earth that you can change and that is you you want to fix the problem that is the community I'm offering a suggestion that could fix your uncomfortableness I get where you're coming from with the autism Community I am also a recovering addict and I've had nothing but grief in the online addiction community so I just avoid them I hope that made sense and didn't come out too jumbled it's 1:00 a.m. where I'm located
@@mylifewithautism3958 I had somebody break it down to me using the Serenity Prayer from AA once you know the one that goes grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference this old timer broke it down for me like this.. grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change does everyone and everything outside of myself grant me the courage to change the things I can which is me and only me and then it finishes up Grant me the wisdom to know the difference which is pretty self-explanatory....
I feel like our society (as a whole) just doesn’t care. Most people dont even display self respect. I dont get it, why dont people realize, we can be there to lift each other up
@@leathashayscalf i agree, others suck and there’s no real reason for it, and they probably don’t have self respect because it was brown beaten out of them bully others who want to just keep acting awful and not acknowledge how awful they’re acting
Hey, just wanted to take the time to comment - I hear where you're coming from. I think sometimes a lot of people can be focused in their own world, and it's not that nobody cares, but rather, people are selfish by nature. I can't speak for how you portray yourself in that server, but if the way other people see you is not inviting, they might be less likely to comment. I also know that you're frustrated, which is understandable. I've found most of the success in my relationships with people by finding a way to provide some sort of value. A lot of the times I've felt inconvenienced, I've even then doubled down and tried to ask myself, how can I improve, how can I change? I think that can be a thought pattern. I resonate with the "suck it up and keep moving on" notion that some people happen to portray. I understand you're trying to provide people value, but just because you help someone, it is also not fully guaranteed to pay dividends. Keep investing in others regardless. Remember that you can't change the way other people react, you can only change how you act. I would encourage you to keep putting in the effort of treating people how you want to be treated, because it will come back to you when someone realizes how much you did for them, and they will want to pay it forward. Once you find that person, you can build off of them and find a solid support system, but it does indeed take a lot of compromise and grace.
The issue is I have provided value, when one friend said he was homeless, I made sure he got transport to a safe place, when one needed help settling relationship and also work issues, I gave advice, when someone wanted to get a gf, I legitimately tried to help them. And how do they repay me, by ghosting like I’m just a sack of meat and getting defensive when called out on how unfair that is and having the gall to act like I’m toxic! People in the disabled community suck, not all obviously, but way too many for me to ever want to put serious effort into doing this again
The issue is I have provided value, when one friend said he was homeless, I made sure he got transport to a safe place, when one needed help settling relationship and also work issues, I gave advice, when someone wanted to get a gf, I legitimately tried to help them. And how do they repay me, by ghosting like I’m just a sack of meat and getting defensive when called out on how unfair that is and having the gall to act like I’m toxic! People in the disabled community suck, not all obviously, but way too many for me to ever want to put serious effort into doing this again. And I get what you’re saying, but I feel you can easily get used if you give too much blindly. I’m of the view that people need to deserve my help and kindness, and while I don’t make strangers earn it by demanding they do something for me first, I certainly will rescind that kindness if they mouth off like a lot of other commenters have here. People need to understand that actions have consequences and always taking the high road doesn’t teach them that. And honestly good for you that you can self reflect, but a lot of people can’t, especially on the spectrum. You try and make them understand how much they hurt you and it’s your fault for being too sensitive, you try to make them realize ignoring people in relationships or otherwise is rude and suddenly you’re entitled for expecting that bare minimum. There is no compromise with people who refuse to admit they’re wrong, let alone make even minimal effort to improve, and that is unfortunately the staple for that community in my experience , and I just can’t deal with that anymore. Regardless of what your experiences are, in mine, every time I’ve leaned into that community I’ve been beaten up and mistreated and consistently get made to feel so bad I have to pull out for my own sanity and am made to wonder why I was duped into trying again. Maybe they do need help and maybe they could be helped to be better, but that isn’t my job and frankly I don’t want to devote a channel to helping people who won’t even accept me or treat me like I matter, which I hope is understandable
@@mylifewithautism3958 I do resonate with you a lot here in that a lot of people don't care to change or put in the effort to recognize their shortcomings. I also can hold the belief of wanting to show kindness and compassion to others to those who don't deserve, while simultaneously recognizing that it might not always feel easy or fair to provide that value and get turned on a result, as has definitely happened for me as well before, so I can relate to that. I think it ultimately depends on your goal. Some people need to be shown what is beautiful in them, so that they can nurture that life and start to pay things forward. You are an intelligent individual and I think it's only a matter of time before someone resonates with you to be there when you need them. Of course there's not a one-size fits all solution here, but I definitely wish the best in your strive to build better relationships with other people, and sometimes that means cutting off the ones that bloom negativity. There's simple practices that have helped me in my relationships, and it often boils down to: transparency, patience, communication, and compromise. I try to maintain transparency through what my intentions are, patience in how I hear other people and their situation, rather than to ultimately listen simply just to reply, communication as a way to come across articulately and precise to how I want my tone and emotion to be illustrated, and patience for when people don't quite understand me.
Please take my comment as constructive criticism. I think you're coming across as a bit too "needy" and overbearing. This is also an exponential effect. So at the start, people don't reply the first time, you start asking questions, and if they have any form of social anxiety, they probably don't want to have to justify or excuse themselves and it accumulates. Especially if you keep wanting them to answer for their lack of appearance. Relationships are inherently transactional. If you don't feel like somebodies acquaintanceship is benefitting you more than it's costing you, you're not going to continue engaging in it. I get the feeling these people are feeling like you're asking for more than you're providing. And I don't mean just providing emotional support in return. There's many ways to provide value. Humor, interesting and thoughtful personality, just being generally pleasant to have around, or even money lol. (Not saying you should value the latter) I would suggest just integrating w/ a community for friendly entertainment on like-minded interests and maybe getting a therapist for the support. It seems cruel to say, but it isn't anybody's job to support you emotionally. Certainly not any old random degen on Discord. Just remember you're in control of how you feel. Your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are deeply connected w/ one another, and you are the only one in control of all of them. So if you're ruminating having negative thoughts, change your behavior. I see you out walking around in this, and I like to see that. Just getting out of your chair and moving can be good. If you have negative thoughts and emotions, you'll behave negatively. If you change your thought patterns (which is so much easier said than done, but I suggest looking in to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and DBT.) you can change your emotions. A thought is not the same thing as an emotion. And your actions are very intimately connected w/ it. I don't want to sound preachy, and I may come across as a loon. But I'm just a 28 year old dude who can see a lot of myself in you, and I spent so many years in distress until I somehow got recommended by my therapist to join a CBT program and it honestly changed my life.. I wish you so much luck brother. I don't have any advice on how to make other people better. So I had to figure out how to be content w/ myself and I hope I lent some areas to look.
@@pretary1845 problem is I’ve tried not saying anything, it just keeps happening, and I’m at the point where I am tired of waiting, I always needed and deserved acknowledgement and I’ve paid my dues in being ignored, giving me what I want is all I’ll take because I’ve spent YEARS putting up with this and I was drowning then, and it’s just gotten worse
@@pretary1845 and the issue is at some point I can’t keep dealing with these one sided relationship, I need people to try for once in my life and I’m tired of waiting, I dare say I’m owed it at this point because I’ve suffered enough and it needs to stop
"I'm sinking on Titanic" I went to a school on the spectrum 10 years ago and did nothing with hardly like anyone... They honestly are can't even function without help of step by step. I reach out and get no response. I'd actually rather do stuff by myself instead of someone else. If I was part of a group like that, i'd probably get kicked out because I would call out all the bad stuff that they would probably post or say that I don't like...
I feel you, like it’s one thing if people can’t do something, but I get the vibe a lot of it is people just not wanting to try and getting defensive when someone points out that yes, you do actually have to put effort into friendships
Sounds like that's not your tribe. Reach out in some other groups. You don't need to give time to people who won't give time or empathy to you. I have a friend who seems on the spectrum, though not diagnosed at least to my knowledge. After he has been rude 4-5 times over the past few months I finally told him the rude and terrible things he said and that it's not acceptable to speak to me that way. Then he gaslighted me, saying he never said those things which others also witnessed, and THEN he called me silly and told me to start "acting like an adult." Well, I'm 60 yo, and ADULTS don't treat people like he does AND adults don't have to tolerate rudeness, minimizing, gaslighting, scorn, or anything else from so called "friends." So I steer clear of him now. Dust off your robes and walk away with your head held high. They DON'T care, and you can't MAKE them care. People on the spectrum IN GENERAL do completely lack empathy. You aren't imagining it. So get out there and find YOUR people! We ALL have to do that! There are definitely other fish in the sea! Don't let them tempt you into being a victim. Don't let them steal your power. You sound like a kind, empathetic person, who may be a little lonely. Ever hear the song (I think it's the Beatles) All the Lonely People? There are plenty! Go find them! You CLEARLY have a lot to offer!❤
Dude, what you are describing is what nearly every person on the earth deals with - loneliness, rejection, apathy. It is a scourge to humanity and only God can get us out of this.
@@queenmary301 I agree it is a scourge but relying on god isn’t the best solution, we gotta make the change we want, not just sit back and hope someone else fixes it for us. I mean he made us with the capacity to make change in the first place after all, why not put that skill to use
@@mylifewithautism3958 Thank you for your response. God tells us that He helps those that help themselves, but he has given us a road map to navigate the miseries, chaos and violence of this world. If we just listen and seek him out, he is waiting for you. FOr all of us. Just imagine if everyone realized this. How much more beautiful and kind that world would be.
@@thishandleistaken1011 did I trigger someone? I am speaking based on my experiences and if you are part of the community your comment just proves I’m right, zero sympathy and trying to blame shift
