It’s hypocrisy when people consider it completely unacceptable to say something negative about the autism community (a community that only exists as a term and not in reality considering people with autism are very different) while at the same time denigrating another community. Lumping together neurotypical people with a negative remark is just as wrong as lumping autistic people together with a negative statement. You either judge someone as an individual or you don’t. As soon as you judge people based on their perceived group belonging you automatically reduce them to something less than they actually are. Few people like being judged based on an artificially construed sociological concept of group identity. Group labels are helpful in research, but are now being misused in society at large in how we refer to others as belonging to identity groups or communities. Sociologists use these categories to study isolated phenomena while fully knowing they are overly simplistic since it by necessity overlooks other complex factors within a given group(s). Unfortunately, after years of moving away from group labels they have now been reintroduced by leftwing radicals and in identity politics. We all know that generalizing about whole populations can be extremely dangerous. Group labels belong in research settings where they are necessary for creating statistical models and data collection. However, group labels shouldn’t be used in everyday contexts to refer to subjective negative traits of a given community. Generalizing about people as a group is unethical whether it’s based on their disability, race, ethnicity or religion etc. Why? Because it reduces them as individuals and it’s potentially prejudiced and insulting to whoever is being targeted. We all tend do this because our brains like to simplify and categorize people. All I’m saying is, it’s not okay to pretend that neurotypical people should get better at social skills irrespective of the fact that NT people are deemed to have a higher social status in society. (I’m not saying that, it’s a cultural claim). It’s equally wrong and potentially harmful no matter who you are negatively generalizing about or directing insults towards. I do these things myself sometimes, however it’s a bad habit and we (as a society) should all move away from generalizations about people based on immutable characteristics, whether those characteristics are generally considered positive or negative. Sorry, didn’t mean to go on a whole rant about this. I just see comments like these too often these days and it’s unfortunate.
It's good to have the word 'normal' wrapped in the quotes marks of punctuation, because the older I get, the more I learn that "normality" is more of a SUBJECTIVE term. (And much of what I ONCE thought of as "normal" is becoming more unusual, and/or subject to harsh criticism and/or mockery.)
Thanks for sharing your story. I learned a lot from listening to you in terms of how I can potentially recognize and interact with people who might have Asperger’s syndrome.
What is really weird for me is I go out in the world and interact with so many people, and I always walk away feeling like I'm the not doing something right like there is something wrong. Then I watch other folks with aspergers and not only do they explain basic symptoms and issues, but issues that seem very specific or niche. Its just sort of is the few ways that helps me feel less like a weirdo or bothersome person.
The only thing I'm really different about is I'm big on eye contact. It's like only with some prolonged eye contact do I get a true feeling for the person and if what they are saying is true. I don't read the body language so much as a try to absorb and interpret waves from the eyes. I don't know a better way to explain it
I was married to Aspi for 32.5 years. Those years were very happy ( my hubbie died of cancer). He was very educated, had a lot of knowledge . We coud talk for hrs , luckilly we had similar interests. And when he was busy or focusing on something I had time for myself. Could read books, talk to friends on the phone etc. Those were the best years of my life.
I've definitely had friends who operate with that imperative in relationships of personal time / space who grow to find aspies attractive & kind of specifically start to seek them out because of it. with how few people actually have more than grand generalizing ideals about what women want, less clear than this guy on understanding how those things never work for forming any lasting relationship, how much they generally care about forming a few close connections, & how much women on average...value those kinds of things that go with this condition, seems super weird it's as underdiagnosed as it is. You'd think more plans tofind, protect & foster it would be in place considering its relative rarity...eh, I guess a lot of us are more often self serving pricks too, maybe not. personality within the condition is a big factor too.
In my personal experience, it's similar to the way how folks who learn English as a second language often speak a more "correct" or "formal" version of English than native English speakers. They are trying harder than a native English speaker. (Of course, this could apply to any language, not just English!)
When you spend a lifetime having your nose rubbed in all your differences, all your social mistakes, you tend to look for ways to escape that pain. If mimicking the accepted behaviors of others will save you from suffering the repeated pain of judgement, you’ll learn. You’ll be made to learn. The world is not kind to differences.
It's true. Some of us are good at Art. I am good at Art, Religious studies and Psychology. And Psychology is actually a really good subject for us because we are good with patterns including patterns of behaviour because we learn social skills cognitively rather than by osmosis.
That’s really encouraging. I think I may possibly have it, and I have a huge fear of being alone bc I am bad at making impressions on people and it’s hard for me to get comfortable around them
nemesisbreakz I’m so sorry to hear this ..my spouse with Aspergers has been in AA for decades and it saved his life career and marriage. He’s not as social now but very much lives a peaceful happy life living within a structured set of self made routines ..he still enjoys every meeting ...best to you pls reach out 😘🙏
Thank you for this extremely informative vid! I never heard anyone mention the clothing and I never made the correlation. It is imperative that my spouse with Aspergers wear extremely soft very particular clothing...a top like yours is a staple of his wardrobe! For his sheets and pillowcases they must be washed (by him) nightly but that’s prob OCD.
I don't know how you can get addicted to alcohol before you realize that alcohol doesn't help you. If you get off of the addiction, you will be better. You should get help from your family or social workers. I don't know if your story is true since the story is so simple and stereotypical.
Certain kinds of weirdness, yeah. But there still might come times where you'd want to just feel accepted and you find yourself in a space of people who want and expect normal.
Just found out at the age of 35 that my dad has Asperger's . He raised me alone and was known for not understanding social cues at all. As a child I was always trying to keep people away from him. So I'm trying to learn about Asperger's. Your ability to speak on this topic is so clear and respectful. Thank you!!!
I just found out from my 79 year old father that he has it, and that he thinks I have it🤦🏻♂️. I was very angry when he first accused me of having it, even though I didn't even know what the hell "it" was, lol 😂. Now I'm looking into "it" more and being open to perhaps maybe I have "it". Truth is, I don't even know what Asperger's is yet.🙆🏻♂️ All I know is I'm different and antisocial🤷🏻♂️. I'm accused of being stupid yet I'm a genius in many ways.💁🏻♂️
“I’m married to somebody way better than I could have ever hoped to qualify for” Probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard, his wife is really lucky too!!
I am an Aspie and I love it. The only thing that drives me mad is that people keep trying to talk me into doing things I have told them I do not enjoy doing. I would never try to persuade people to do something.
This guy just described my life. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 36. And it changed nothing. I like me. I'm a nice guy that believes in loving more than hating and giving more than taking. Yeah, I'm obsessed with history, languages and science. Yes, I'm a bore to talk to - but I'm a good friend. I'm lucky. When I was a "weird kid" I was already a muscular 6 feet tall and already had one blackbelt and because of my weird ways since a toddler had been in more fights than the bullies trying me. The thing is I nearly had to go into a mental hospital as an adolescent from the immense stress and frustration caused by struggling to be normal. At 17.5 years of age I figured screw it. I'm not and I never will be. With all the disgusting selfishness and rampant narcissism in the world today and how terribly people treat one another in everything from driving to dating, I'm thoroughly disgusted and sickened by "normal" people on a daily basis in this clown circus that has seen the devolving of common decency and etiquette. I'll stick with the weirdos. Now let me get back to reading about the gradual divergence of the languages that evolved from the Proto-Germanic mother tongue.
Just getting diagnosed at 37 myself: you say it changed nothing, and I'm getting a lot of push back for caring / trying from a lot of people (for fair reasons). Are you glad you got the evaluations done? Personally, I just want it for direction of mitigation strategies, better knowing my own brain, external validation of the pathology & the ability to disclose as a safety net or to relate to communities that so deeply care about self-pathologizing instead being invalid & dangerous to allow, so that when I do find community, I'd have another tool in my belt to work with as needed. I don't expect anything to change for how I'm treated, or what I can do, and it's really frustrating dealing with everyone acting like I'm implicitly trying to limit myself by pathologizing, not understanding the neurodiversity model, and framing everything from the medical model's perspective. I certainly expect most to see it from the medical perspective if I need to bring it up, but at least ND people who appreciate the ND model can usually use it as a shortcut to better communicate, no?
Good for you!!, I have asps and have never been able to interact with others. I can offend people and not even know it. Now at 65 I say F it. I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful wife.
It's all very well to say eye-contact is good. but some Aspies (inc. me) can't bear to look people in the eye as its too intense. I can fake it a bit by looking at their nose/in between their eyes, but it's hard work, so if people know I'm an Aspie I tend to make less of an effort so I can focus more on the conversation.
I like how he has logically assessed social etiquette and seems to have mastered it. I think that everyone should hear this and try to learn from it, not just people with AS..
Well *people who have ADHD can also hyperfocus. In fact, it is a quite common trait. ADHD is actually not really a deficit of attention, it's more about how your attention is being regulated.
Thank you for your very clear explanation, but may I add that I have always enjoyed the company of people with Aspergers or autism simply because they are incredibly creative, energetic but most importantly they are honest: truthful and trustworthy. It is ridiculous that these people who are considered odd just because they do not play the game. Playing the game, ( the script) well most of the time chit chat is not honest.
This young man is way too apologetic for us Aspies. Self-love and self-respect needs to be taught first and foremost. I’m a very caring and helpful, person but I’m not here for “society” to like me.
I have been a teacher of young adults at community colleges for over 25 years, but only learned of Asperger's about 10 years ago. It was then that I realized that I had engaged with about at least 5 young adults with Asperger's as a teacher and that during my own time in school there had been 1 or 2 in each grade, and that unfortunately they were the targets of bullies, and emotional "cancellation" by teachers. This young man should consider being a consultant---perhaps even start a firm---for school systems throughout the country, including community colleges. I learned more about Asperger's from his video, than I have over the last 15 years. And his dating info---forget Steve Harvey's book, or the Rules Book---he needs to write a book on THAT, too!
I love socially awkward people because you don't have to pretend to be someone you are not when you are with them. In other words, I can be myself (read: weird). :-)
Great advice, particularly regarding not embarrassing other people. I once corrected a teacher when I was 9 years old and she held a grudge against me for the entire year. I had to leave my school. It got so bad.
Wow!!! This beautiful man communicated the “spectrum” better than anyone I’ve ever listened to. I truly think I and several family members are on the spectrum.
My 24yr old son who has ADHD/ Autism/ Asburgers, is no way as high functioning in social skills as this sociable young man. My son does have other amazing skills though, his IQ is phenomenal. One of the areas he surpasses is anything regarding Cyber Security, Computer Sciences / software and Networking. He is extreamly articulate too and is determined to make lots of money in Computer software when he finishes his college degree. I truly believe he will too.
You are totally awesome and inspiring. My daughter is 34 who has autism and she met a guy who has Aspergers who adores her. They are together 2 yrs now. I thank god for him everyday knowing my daughter will flourish in life and having someone next to her in life who understands. They both are now able to have their kind of “ normal “ life together.Thank you so much for sharing.
You also get bad social skills from not having enough experience adequately socializing, and sometimes I guess if people are little cliquey and shallow then it's hard to really learn them when you're being rejected all of the time like I was. I used to have really bad social skills too. Now I choose not to socialize with most people because they are morons.
i got misdiagnosed as bipolar most my life and it never fit in my opinion, then when i became an adult one of my doctors suggested i seem kinda like her son who has aspergers and i should get some testing done. Eventually i was able to see a doctor qualified to do the testing and sure enough my doctor was right.
I'm an aspie but I also have dyscalculia and dyslexia. I had a 4.0 until it came to maths so it was not a lack of intelligence or lack of effort. I can do maths as long as I have the book in front of me or clear instruction on what mathematical method you want applied to a problem, so no one ever figured out how to help me pass tests as I always knew what to do while being tutored. I just cannot figure out what process I am expected to use on exams with unlabeled problems. So math is not a given for all Aspies.
Yes, very flexible. Prone to sensory overload. At school I had to sit at the front of the class so I wasn't distracted by what everyone was wearing. The label is powerful. I love being Aspie.
I really liked this video. You're pretty well spoken, which is nice to listen to. The story about shaving in public was hilarious to me (in a good way).
As someone with Asperger's syndrome, I found this really helpful. It’s been a struggle through the years, I’ve experienced bullying and I’ve gone to multiple phycologists, psychiatrists and speech therapy. I’ve been to three different schools in the last 10 years. I’m now in a great school with friends and understanding teachers who’ve had autistic students in the past. My English teacher's sister has Asperger's syndrome, which I find really cool. I also experience sensory overload, and I wish my classmates can understand that. Loud sounds literary make my ears hurt and almost every morning, my classmates talk extremely loudly 😑. My social skills have improved, but I still make a few mistakes every now and then. I’ve never met another person with Asperger’s syndrome, so I feel a bit left out at times, but I’m glad to know there are people I can relate to 😊
Loud sounds give me terrible ear pain, too, Many times, I've been in a place with hundreds of other people, and the music was so loud that I was in real physical pain, and I was the only one covering my ears! I wish more aspies would talk about this. It seems to be passed off as "sensory overload", and I believe they are 2 different things. Yes, if too many things are going on at once around me, I sometimes get sensory overload, but this is different from sounds that are too loud. I have not pursued getting an official diagnosis, but based on what I know about Asperger's, I'm sure I have it. Once I thought about it, this explains a LOT about my life.
I was sitting laughing at the “Big Headed Story” and then went completely silent almost like in a movie as I remembered that I made a comment when I was 5 about another students head looking like a rugby ball or I believe I said something about “American Football” and the teacher got angry with me and I couldn’t understand why, I meant absolutely no offence I had no social protocol and was trying to state something I believe to be a fact, wow just remembered that so strange
Hi great video. my daughter has asperges and gets very frustrated with day to day changes also is very bright. its hard sometimes for her to expect other people and understand them. best of luck to you in the future
Perhaps....But when it comes to awareness in general, (never mind SELF awareness), I'm forced to observe more people prefer the "route" of Ms. Edie Brickell when she sang that song about 🎶'....Not being aware of too many things, but "knowing what she knows", if one knows what she means...'🙄 I used to HATE that song back in the days it played on all the 'ALL-HIT-RADIO-ALL-THE-TIME!' radio stations, especially, when I heard it for the 37th time in a 5hour stretch, but I have since become much more appreciative of such "Bubblegum" music.
As an aspie, socializing has always felt like being an alien dropped onto another planet and trying to abide by the-what feels like-often arbitrary or totally irrational and unnecessary behavioral laws of the native species. Unfortunately there's an inborn sense of superiority, but I've learned to sublimate this feeling by empathizing and finding beauty in neurotypical people. I didn't know I was this way until later in life because I developed sophisticated coping strategies and social masks that covered it up. But put me in a room with another person on the spectrum and I'll relax and start being natural (read: weird).
This was an amazing interview, I feel like a lot of people always associate an image to people with ASD, when most of us are just like this guy, well-spoken and capable of socialization, it's just that a lot of things require more information for us to understand. I try to interpret it as needing more inputs of data than just a couple bits of information. Really love the Windows and Linux analogy :)
My biggest problem in school is interducing your self to a new class 🤦🏻♂️ thats like my giggest fear i then think about if someone is lookng at me then what is he thinking about me and that i just hate but i cant stop thinking about it
Thank you for posting this video! I am actually a woman with high-functioning Asperger’s syndrome and I am glad to know that I’m not the only one who has this. It was quite interesting to learn from this person while also learning a bit about myself. I had many social problems in the past where people thought I was mean or weird and no one cared to tell my why because they were too immature to do so. Even teachers were annoyed by me too. There were only a few people who actually cared that I was a human and cared to help me out with social techniques. Thanks to them, I am living a pretty decent life with new friends in Japan. I feel that, as I grow older, I am starting to notice improvements in my mannerisms. If only people wouldn’t be so picky about others and learn to deal with lets just say, certain problems people may have.
I’m a gramma of an Aspe... and I think I love you!! Cannot WAIT until I get this video into his mom’s hands!! He’s 13 and struggling .. told me a few years back , while I was helping him get dressed and had to tug a bit putting Tee shirt over his head ... “ grammie, you know I have a freakishly big head!” So matter of factly... you are wonderful!!
People with AS are more interesting and fun to me. Note: I could not stopped looking at the side of hair that was a bit more spiked. Needed the other side to balanced....just my issue. Nice hair ❤
I was diagnosed at the age of 19 and it really helped me understand why I am the way I am. I'm 21 now and can't help but feel sad that I lost 19 years of my life being a weirdo and afraid of the real world, missing out on practically all of my teen life cause I couldn't interact and didn't know why or what to do.
You have some very astute observations and I agree with alot of it, but I also think that both the Aspie and the Neurotypical have only half the responsibility in a relationship. You should not have to always be the one to adapt to them, but it should be a 50/50 thing. Many people on the spectrum get overly exhausted and overstimulated in constantly trying to "conform" and that can be a bad thing, especially if one does this for many years. One needs to gain a sense of just how far to improve onesself and how much beyond that is too much because neurotypicals can start to take advantage of you if you accept all the responsibility for any problems in an interaction. I see it much like a language barrier. Many people in Americal, for instance have the belief that people who immigrate to this country from Spanish speaking countries should assimilate and only speak English and that in order for them to be socially accepted they should not be accommodated in their own language here, but if you'll notice when you call a large business on the phone most of them offer an option of Spanish or English because they recorgnize that it can be very taxing for someone to make a 180 degree turn when they are used to speaking in their native tongue. That mutual respect is a way of meeting those for whom English isn't their first language half way and showing them that they matter. The same attitude could be adopted towards people on the spectrum. As an Aspie in my 50s I have really knocked myself out to work on myself all my life and I am absolutely burnt out. I have through trial and error figured out which things I can change and which I can't. In my 20s and 30s I went through a period in which I was constantly apologizing and I finally had to stop doing that because people got irritated with that too. Now I've reached a happy medium and have come to the conclusion that we are just different from neurotypicals. Now when I run into something like repeating myself and someone points it out to me (as long as they do it in a respectful way) I don't get offended but I also explain to them that I have tried over and over to change that but have discovered that is one of those things that's beyond my control and I ask them to bear with me on traits like that, that I don't mean to bore them, I just lose my place sometimes in a thought process when talking verbally. I communicate much better in writing. This is part of why I don't like talking on the phone. There isn't necessarily a right or wrong way to do things (beyond what is clear-cut morally right and wrong), and that even neurotypicals interpret things in different ways that people around them say or do. What one person expects from a friend is not always what all expect. I've had friends who get offended by things that I would never imagine somebody would be offended by, and have had other friends that get offended by the exact opposite. This is sort of the same point you were making about girlfriends or people you dated. Each person ascribes different meanings to behaviors, what others do or say (or fail to say). For instance there are some people who feel the need to be complimented alot whereas this may not be a big deal to someone else. This is pretty much a moving target, and what is "appropriate" from one setting to the next in and of itself can be hard to predict for Aspies who are so used to certain routines and have the need for things in our world to be reliable. I find that every time my email program or other things on my computer are updated or even websites like Facebook move my settings around it throws me off because I'm used to looking in certain places for things and have no frame of reference when they are not where I last left them. Just when I master something it changes up on me and I have to learn everything all over again from scratch.
6 лет назад
Sometime i feel like people are stupid when thay don't understand something i understand.
My ex has AS. My experience with her was gold. I miss her terribly. You never know what you have until they are gone. One of the best women I have ever dated. And I messed up. 😔
hello, same here. I was wirh this wonderful man for 2 years. I lost him - neither of us knew about Asbergers at the time. I loved his honesty, his integrity and his authenticity. i do not need to love again, he'll be in my heart til it stops
I didn't know I had Asperger's until I was in my Fifties -- sadly, too late to do much about my horribly stunted social skills. Eye contact is still my biggest failing (hardwired from my youth -- looking at a bully = even more beatings). I'm still trying, though . . . still learning. Also -- you were so lucky to have parents who supported and helped you to improve. Mine just considered me an embarrassment and a mental case. To any parents watching this video in order to try and figure out if your child has Asperger's -- please help them at much as possible to be able to cope in society. They will love you forever.
3:03 "Studies show that people with joint hypermobility, Ehlers-Danlos syndromes (EDS), and hypermobility spectrum disorder (HSD) have a higher likelihood of being autistic than would be expected by chance."
I am a woman with Asperger's. I was also misdiagnosed with ADD. I LOVE soft things, wolves, and learning. I'm not very good with math or loud, high-pitched noises, but I excel at reading, language arts, and drawing.
we could call people with asperger's : 'the philosophers of society' people with asperger's live life through a more rational point of view, rather than through a more emotional point of view
I've suspected that I may have Aspergers, planning to get myself to a doctor in the near future to verify because I want to know what I'm dealing with. It seems the majority of "symptoms" fit me. One major exception is the "desire for social interaction". I have no desire for social interaction (anymore). This may be due to childhood experiences with it, but whatever the reason, I no longer care for social interaction in my day to day life (unless you count online social interaction such as this).
I’m an aspie never had trouble getting with women but I did have trouble keeping relationships as they would usually leave me due to my outbursts and sensory issues but i am happy to say i found a wife that is patient and understands me now
A close relative of mine was diagnosed with Autism at age three -age 16 now and no one believes he’s Autistic b/c he speaks eloquently and no longer bangs his head against the wall -so happy for this information-you are describing the Autistic person I know and love Thank you very much !!
