A TikToker's Journey Detransitioning 

"So why am I still unhappy?" Because you changed nothing in your mind. Change the body all you want but true unconditional happiness comes from within.

Let me tell you all something: I'm a 43y/o woman who grew up being a Tom boy. I cried a river when I got my period 😭 I didn't want them as it meant I had to become a "proper girl". My mom had to force me to wear a bra. I hated EVERYTHING about being a girl. My sister like spending time with my mum cooking and chatting. I just wanted to be out with the boys, jumping off trees and doing burping competitions! But guess what? I'm a woman. There's nothing wrong with thinking differently, dressing differently or playing differently. Do not let anyone is this social media age telling you otherwise. Its okay to let time do its thing. Be true to yourself, your path and your story. No one else's!

Being a tomboy, playing sports, enjoying the loose fit of men's clothes, being uncomfortable with our breasts after puberty...these are normal things that many females experience. I wish someone had made you think twice about things before you made irreversible decisions.

Your bravery is very much needed ! Thanks ! I´m off HRT , testosterone, since 3 months, after 5 years and 10 months treatment. My goal is to accept myself as a not so feminine woman. I DO accept myself as that what I am !! ;-) That is very freeing !! 🙂

Being a teen is a confusing and frustrating time of self discovery.. There's nothing wrong with being a masculine female, nothing wrong with being a feminine male and being happy that way. To avoid being put in a box, we put ourselves in another box with walls made of identity.

Gender is a not a piece of clothing, is not like changing different clothing every day without hurting yourself.

I feel like we are gonna have a lot of stories like this in the years to come

We need to teach people to cope with their feelings by working through them, not by molding the physical to appease them as that is and always will be a temporary solution.

The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get to the other side.

I may be weird, but I can't even commit to a tattoo. And if I imagine the tattoo I would've picked at 17, 15, 13, 10 and so on I know for certain I would hate it. I know tattoos are not as important as gender, and that is the point.

To sit with yourself...alone...and honor all the uncomfortable fellings... that is courageous & beautiful. I am moved by the strength in you that comes through as you describe learning who you are, no longer needing the approval of others. I hope you inspire many more to do the same.🌈

Does everyone know that TONS of girls feel uncomfortable with their chests when breasts start growing? I was so ticked off-I didn't want to deal with them. I liked being a kid and I didn't want to grow up. Plus-the bra...UGH!! I think these feelings are NORMAL! You don't have to believe you are trans just because you went through something like this. I'm a happy heterosexual, married Mom and career nurse and feel very attracted to my husband-in fact, he's my best "soul" partner forever. We get each other and honestly, I think I am more in love with his heart at this point than anything physical about him. I sometimes notice things about women that I think are beautiful, but I'm 100% committed to him and our relationship and family. I also want to stay away from labels because I want to be me. I can still be my very own version of being a woman with the unique qualities that make me ME!! Be YOU! You don't need to take hormones or make yourself into something new to be happy.

People need to go through LONG AND INTENSIVE THERAPY BEFORE ANY SURGERY .

I'm a trans man (7 years in) and I've always been aware and accepting of the fact that some people detransition. This isn't for everyone. people can confuse other things for dysphoria, appropriate diagnosis is important. I support you and I hope you find the support you need and I hope the Trans community learns to not ignore detransitioners and the fact that they very much exist. All the best 💙

When I was growing up, people stayed away from labels because human beings are wonderful multi-faceted beings. Nowadays, it seems people crave being labeled, fitting in a box and they're mostly doing this in the lgbt community. No offense to anyone but I really do think the majority of these kind of people are struggling with mental health issues that havent been resolved.

There are many young people who genuinely have gender dysphoria, but unfortunately there are also some young people who have decided they're in the wrong body because they're feeling unconfident with themselves (as many, many teens do) and jump to the conclusion that it must be gender dysphoria and not just the standard teen awkwardness that most of us experience at some point.

Teenagers need to give themselves time to grow and develop their true identity, which you don't really figure out until your late 20s. Don't make any drastic decisions like surgery or hormones, they can change your life forever, and that might not be what you want in the long run. Find people who will support you for who you are instead of encouraging you to change and transition.

10 years ago, when this was not so pervasive she might have just played sports or possibly embraced some of that masculinity. Even some cultures, women have strong masculine traits and never would consider these possibilities of becoming male. It’s the search for this elusive word called happiness and our culture crams sexuality or drugs or identity into the minds of people as I got the key to happiness! Happiness is not static but dynamic and wavers. Glad to see she started to think for herself and I hope at least she is at greater peace!!

I used to be a ftm. I started detransition 10 years ago. I lost most of my hair but I do have a feminine voice, I can even sing. There is hope on the other side of detransition. Prayers for this young woman in being the woman she was created to be ❤

It doesn't help that these kids are so over-saturated with media. They run to the internet to explain every feeling they go through, constantly bombarding themselves with the opinions of others. This person had great self-realization from just some time alone with their own thoughts. I wish nothing but love and healing for everyone I'm so tired of seeing young people shave themselves up for acceptance.

I think a number of detransitioners were just gender nonconforming with some body dysmorphia. They then got swept up in this idea that they were fully trans. I personally convinced myself I was trans and sometimes still think about aspects of being ftm. As a child I insisted on being called Joey and that I was a boy. I convinced my mom to take me to get a short haircut. I ended up with a bowl cut ✂️ because it was 1997 when I was 5. As an adult back in 2015 I was in a same sex relationship and started having those intense feels of potentially being trans again. I bought a freeToM packer and everything. Thankfully I had a partner who convinced me not to transition. At the time it was hurtful because I felt like she was keeping me from what I thought I wanted and needed at the time. I definitely would have detransitioned and would be even more unhappy with my body. Thankfully after losing some weight I realize I just have body dysmorphia. I am also very much gender non conforming. In a way I feel like women should empower themselves to do the same things as men instead of feeling like we have to transition to do the same things. I felt like an unattractive woman for so long from being morbidly obese and dealing with pcos. I thought maybe as a man I would be more attractive, but as I'm getting healthier I'm realizing that I like my female body. Things are starting to take shape for me. I think I would have been mad if I caused voice changes from T because I am a singer. I could have ruined my singing voice. Also I deal with enough facial hairs that need to be plucked as a woman with pcos. I thought as a man a beard would be better, but I can't imagine now having to shave my face all of the time or deal with long hairs growing and tickling my lips... on my face. Anyway I don't know why I'm sharing so much, but I think a lot of women have been convinced that we have to be male to do certain things and our bodies have to be a certain way so some might be pushed more towards transitioning to fit a societal standard. I know that doesn't make much sense because society as a whole is unkind to LGBT individuals.

So sad. The irony now is that she looks and sounds like a trans woman instead of a woman for the rest of her life.

I’m a woman that has never had any of these thoughts or feelings and never thought about it until my grandson went back to school after the pandemic and had not gone through puberty yet and just wanted to play with friends. He was bullied relentlessly at school because he wouldn’t say he was trans or gay. This is elementary school. He asked me why things were normal before the pandemic and so gross or weird after. He had to get counseling and we pulled him out of the school he was in and now he’s thriving again because kids at his new school are just kids. Anyway, I want to understand and I have to say you are absolutely beautiful- now and you were beautiful before. Your inner beauty shines through. You have helped me so much with my anger and hurt for my grandson and my granddaughter- she went back to school and at 9 years old was telling us she was gay and went both ways. She had no clue what that meant. We pulled her out of that school and she is now a happy playing 9 year old at her new school. Thanks so much for helping me through and to be accepting and understanding.

Bravo to you, Alia, for your courage and self-care to detransition, and to share your story publicly, helping others.

Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly. You are helping people. Wishing you all the best. I support you in discovering what's right for you.

In our younger years, my sister was a tomboy and I was the stereotypical sissy. She wanted to be a boy and I wanted to be a girl. Transgender activists would've deemed us transgender and would've advised us to transition. It is absolutely frightening to think what could've happened to us if we were teens today

Alright. I’ve seen tons of anti transgenderism, ROGD videos, and de-transition stuff- I’ve been reading all the comments too. It’s good to get both sides of the coin, no matter how hard it might be for you. I’ve now decided I’m still trans, but will wait until I’m older to come out to anybody in real life. While I wait I’ll be doing every that I can to be comfortable with myself all the while living cis.

It was almost like a addiction and a feel good thing to transitioning. thankfully you found yourself without influence of people around you and Found your inner peace and self.

It is a complex issue. As a gay male I can honestly say as a child I would have probably been very tempted to transition to be a trans female. However as an adult I don't care what people say if I wear makeup, act a little camp. I am a gay male with feminine traits. I have male traits also obviously. Transitioning is an option which feeds into trying to put the right peg with the correct box. Round peg square hole theory. Sometimes to be truly happy...it's to accept the peg you have been given and all its originality and realise no box is required. I have been in a long term relationship for many years with another gay male who is attracted to the male attributes I have. That wouldn't have been possible had I transitioned in a possible attempt to try and make sense of my younger brain and my female emotional intelligence. It's ok to be a butch female...or a Tom boy...it's ok to be a feminine male. It's ok to wear makeup...present how you like.the quicker you realise there are no rules for being your authentic self...the quicker you get to happiness and self acceptance. What I would say ..I have also experienced body dysmorphia esp when the male characteristics kicked in with puberty facially. If I had to live with such self hatred, it would have been unbearable. That phase did pass for me. Had it not ..that would have been hell. And for those who are in that, I totally understand going for the transition. Or for those who are catagorically sure they are in wrong gender then traision is a viable option. There is a place for transition and for some it is a really good thing. But for quite a few..they are not waiting to see how they think feel and are going down sometimes a irreversible road. Just try and be kind to yourself. There is only one of you on this planet.

Emotionally mature, beautifully worded and spoken with such kindness. This is an important story and a great lesson in how we need to constantly rewire and readjust our attitudes towards ourselves and others. I wish you continued wellbeing and happiness.

When I was a teenager, I climbed trees, played with spiders, shoot marbles, played basketball, spinned tops, love hanging out with the boys, I didn’t care that I sweat and that my hair was messy and doing those things never made me question my gender. I just did what I wanted and what made me happy and life took its course. When we are unsure about things we should never rush to change. Give yourself a chance to find your true self.

Eres muy valiente, con tu testimonio podrás ayudar a otras personas que pasan por lo mismo. Bendiciones.

Other people get upset when I say this, but even as a trans man I agree there is a social contagion going on with this. People really act like anyone and everyone can take hormones no matter how they feel. This is for people who are transsexual, meaning they strongly feel they were supposed to be the opposite sex. It’s not for gender non conforming people who don’t like the way society views their gender.

Glad she didn't go bald. Both the transmen I know basically lost all their hair after a year, and in a really unfortunate extreme female pattern baldness way.

Thank you for speaking it! I know it is very difficult to put yourself out there. Alot of people are really harsh, on all sides. I think it's great not only have you REtransitioned back into being your Self, but you are sharing your story. That is SO important for people to hear. THANK YOU. ❤👏👏

I'm so against transitioning, because lots of these people start saying, i want to do men stuff, i want to play sports, i want to play with cars instead of dolls, i want to wear blue and not pink! These are cultural stereotypes, not gender labels, change the stereotype not your gender! You're a girl who wants to play with dinosaurs and get dirty and quirky, so do it, change your mindset, not your body parts, don't pay attention to what others have to say about you, just be yourself the way you want to be, do not change it!

Don’t forget how dangerous those drugs and strong hormones are, especially when you get older. The transition/detransition WILL have an effect as one ages.

As a guy who considers himself to be more on the feminine side at least in my brain, I totally understand the blur of the binary. Detransition stories have a special place in my heart because just like me, people like this person look at how they're expected to be and they say "no. I have to do this my way." There is wonderful, beautiful, and amazing power in that. Androgyny is attractive and so many people fail to realize that they fall into that or they end up fighting against it in favor of the extremes. If gender is supposed to be this spectrum of expression, why are so many going from 1 side to the other? There's not nearly enough in the middle to spread the whole spectrum.

Girl, you are brave and strong. Continue to be you, embracing the real meaning of “I was born this way.” Many blessings!

same story for me as mtf. I detransitionned after 2 years on HRT and 2 FFS, I need now a masectomia but I’m happy and not depressed anymore

Being a pre teen and teenager is one of the most vulnerable times in your life and it is NEVER GOOD to make life decisions at that age. I know personally.

If your mind tells you that you are not in the right body ...then the problem is in your mind not body ...

This is so excellent that you're sharing your story this is going to be so important for so many teens to hear in the upcoming years. Thank you!! You're beautiful 🤍🤍🤍

Going to therapy and really talking about one’s self should be the most important thing before transitioning. It’s such a life-changing.

I keep seeing more and more of these detransition videos lately. Many seem to regret going as far as they did and are now past the point of no return. This is no doubt the greatest deception of our time…

This is why I don’t support transitioning until 18. Not fitting into certain gender stereotypes doesn’t equate to being trans & people like to argue “they won’t pass if we don’t let them during puberty”. Like bruh everyone is uncomfortable in their bodies during that time, kids don’t under the concept of long term consequences & some of doctors would take advantage of such vulnerability. Your going to risk your kid’s mental health on a coin flip like that?

I don't know you, your pain or trials but the short bit I saw i think your a beautiful and brave soul. To put yourself out here and let strangers in on something so personal and private is nothing but strength and self acceptance which is beautiful! As long as your happy and healthy, you do you nd love yourself while doing it! Thanks for the vid it was very eye opening!

I wish you all the best in your journey. You are good example of loving humanity. Im someone who is completely opposed to minor transition, but I have empathy for whoever questions or struggles with who they are inside. I believe we are all vulnerable to outside noise. We all could spend quality time alone to hear our inner voice and trust we can think for ourselves and make the best choices for ourselves. However, I do think this wisdom comes with life experiences and maturity. Thank you for sharing this video.

Your experience is important. We are in a time unlike any other in human history and people need guidance.

Good for you! I love that every step you are on your side! No regrets!

I am an asian. I had bad experience when i was a kid and teenager. I am a male but looked feminine. My brother said i was sissy. A few friends said i was like a girl and said bad things about me. I was bullied. I was bitterly hurt. But I deep inside I knew I was born as a male. So i was 13 i started to change slowly. I started to walk like a young man, speak/act like a man. After 2 years I succeded. Now I have happy life with wonderful wife and 2 beautiful children. My advise for those with gender confusion is dont go against NATURE. Keep fighting untill you are back on the right path.

Wonderful! Thank you for sharing your Insight and your beautiful story.

You can be a woman and have masculinity. Same as a male .. nothing wrong with being more feminine. ❤️❤️ I was a Tom boy growing up. But I feel comfortable being feminine and having a masculine side of me. I’m still a woman!! Some days I love wearing make up and heels and all of that and other days I would rather dress like a guy.😆 wear what you want to wear without people thinking you are one thing .

America is the place that is so free, people don’t need to think twice before doing anything, the feeling at that very moment matters the most.

Any advice on how to get rid of facial stubble? I’m detransitioning as well after 7 years & I can’t get it all away!

The only person you have to make happy in your journey is yourself. I don’t think we know who we are as a person until we get past the late 20s. I think me being excepting of who I am is learning about the qualities that I have that makes me human. I think self discovery in your 20s is an exciting time because you’re discovering who you are, what characteristics in your personality, what are your strong points and what do you want to do in your journey. There is so much outside influence that sometimes we can get confused who we are when were young. Sometimes our friends can influence us in a confusing way. Every human wants to belong. Sometimes we even change yourself because we want to feel more connected to the people around us. Then we realize that your characteristics are waiting to be discovered. Whatever you try choose to do enjoy your life. Do not worry about the trolls and their negativity. They’re miserable and they want everyone else around them to feel just as miserable. Discover who is positive around you while they are positive about you being yourself.

It's one thing for people to want blockers, hormones, and/or surgery. It's quite another for licensed MDs to provide them.

As a trans youth, I find this to be really important to look at as well. I think having a certain amount of time to go over these thoughts about wether or not you’re trans before going on HRT/reconstructive surgery is incredibly important. As for me I’ve been non-medically transitioning for about two years now, a lot of the stuff I arrived at on my own time (away from the experience of others). Regardless of that, I’ve seen some or the Nordic countries have a 6 month rule, where when the person has come out as trans legally they must wait 6 months, see a psychiatrist/therapist regularly before having the opportunity to medically transition. Anyways that’s just a piece of my mind. I hope the world can hit a nice equilibrium of peace and agreement at some point :)

I completely support you! Happiness is inside and you seem to have found it. I’m very glad you found the perfect you. I believe as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else, live your life as you want it to be. It’s no one else’s business. You are gorgeous!!! 💕

Thank you so much for sharing your story. At the beginning of my transition (FTM), I thought the goal was to look as much like a cis man as humanly possible. What I've come to realize the point of transitioning is to be yourself, not to be strictly male or female. Everyone has a mix of masculine and feminine traits, and there's nothing wrong with experimenting with your gender to get the right mix. I'm so happy to see you finding gender euphoria in both your transition and your detransition.

I had a successful transition from MTF and I decided to detransition after reasigment surgery because I realised I didn't need all these physical changes to be happy. Today I'm presenting as male and my Name is Hector/ Alessandra Mar cano and I'm happier than ever. Love you ❤

I was uncomfortable with my chest too. So what? Thank GOD I was born during a normal time. Yes, normal! I was depressed, I was uncomfortable, I didn’t know who I was at 13. So you don’t change your body and try to become someone else. This is sickness. Mental illness!

you are a wonderful soul, and this is amazing

I think you are so courageous. I also think it’s great that you’re not fixated in a label.

Go Alia! You have my support no matter where you go

i like that even though you detransitioned you're happy and you dont seem to have any regrets. it gives me hope that i can be the same way

Thank You for sharing your story!!

Quite a few years ago I came across a documentary about teenagers and young adults who regret transitioning and wish their parents hadn't of helped them. The intro was 3 minutes but I need to find it again...

Anytime I hear that voice, 100% I know...

You share your experiences so beautifully. Thanks for your vulnerability!!

Euphoria isn’t a sign of mental health. As a bipolar person I can attest to the fact that euphoria can be just as much a sign of severe illness as dysphoria. Being content, and calm, is what’s pointing to a person being healthy.

Thank you for this, and for your honesty. Humans are complicated beings and the societies/judgements/values they've developed are highly complicated. Humans are still evolving and their emotions, judgements, etc. are still evolving. I think you add value to to humanity's understanding of itself.

I just got this in my feed. This person was so brave to come out and share their honest, raw experience with the rest of us. I truly hope they are doing well today

The quarantine helped a lot of people think through some very big things. Blessings wrapped in a curse.

Actually im from india i had a friend who was in the same situation like you this video is helpful to learn and shareing your POV would help others who are facing this same thankyou

Thank you for sharing your story.

People need to realize that our bodies don't stop changing hormonally. We should encourage young people to hold on through puberty to make physical changes to their body until that process is as complete as it can be, at least 24 years old. We know that the "decision making/cause and effect" part of our brain development is not complete until we are 24....

Per the d$m-5, they have a di$order. Not me mocking...this is text book. That said, why are people with this di$order allowed the privilage to be referred to as the opposite gender, yet when certain people (with certain diagnosi$ which I won't name) are experiencing what is known as psychosi$, they don't get the privilage of being referred to as objects, or super heros, or any other person they genuinely perceive themselves as?? Question of the decade! Let's not play games. It's a di$order, and should be treated as such, not pandered, not coddled. Every last one will regret transitioning in due time! (WORDS HAVE SPECIAL CHARACTERS TO BYPASS COMMENT ALGORHYTHM...FREE SPEECH IS NO LONGER FREE, SADLY)

I’m so glad the tide is finally turning, this conversation has been shut down for too long.

Beautiful story. Whatever makes you happy love!! We all have our individual journeys. Lots of hugs xoxo

Sometimes what we want is what we dont need

I’m all for young people exploring different parts of themselves, including different ways to present themselves. It can not only be a means of personal growth, but also fun. But please, don’t have surgery. It’s irreversible & therefore too extreme as a means to explore who you are. Don’t rush. Wait. You may change your mind.

You are fully accepted with love however you are ❤️✨ thank you for sharing ur story

Well spoke❤💯 🥰thanks for sharing your story ❤💞❤

Wow, some of the comments on this video are disgusting.

I hope this person is going to be OK. I am sorry to hear what she went through.

Well seems like transitioning is more about lack of self esteem, and confusion. Happiness comes from within

So, what happens with the breast? Do they get a surgery for implants? My daughter wants to transition to a male but I'm afraid of this happening, her not being happy and wanting to have her breast back

i was on testosterone for five and a half years and have also had my breasts removed. now i’ve been off hrt for about three years and i’m becoming more comfortable in my skin. i don’t regret my transition at all, but i no longer identify as a trans man. i’m more along the lines with you.

I rather be proud of who i am. Instead of desperately trying to be something im not

You're so pretty and strong and courageous to live as you are. It's not going to be easy, but if you look around it's not easy for all of us and we all love, we all help when others are in need.

Alia is a warrior! She’s helped me throughout my entire journey just by being transparent. I identify a lot with her story even the first relationship thing and hating my chest/ hanging with the boys. I’m also very fluid in my gender identity and don’t wanna label myself anymore either bc I get obsessive. I say detrans only in medical sense like getting off hormones and getting laser hair removal done like she states in the video. I’m Greek and middle eastern and the hair thing is 1000% what I went through too. You look beautiful Alia!

America is going crazy. Gender reaffirming surgeries should be the last thing used to cure gender dysphoria when all the other methods fail.

I love this. I love them. Authenticity, I think, is the most important part of human life. I'm glad they're happy and true to their self!

I was a tomboy in middle school and still am one bit but am more comfortable with my femininity. In middle school I didn’t like my chest and hated what was happening to my body due to puberty. My mom or anyone ever told me this was normal and the girls in school didn’t help either because they couldn’t stop talking about how much they loved the change. That it was making them feel more grown up. After they started to wear makeup and tighter clothes. I was more masculine then them so I wore more baggy clothes and shopped in the guys section or wore unisex clothes. I felt uncomfortable with the woman clothing. The more I hated my body and my femininity the more I started to believe I was different. One day I searched up what I was feeling and I came across the term, transgender. The more research I did the more I started to believe I was trans. My parents are Christian’s and no matter how many times they say they don’t hate the lgbt I know they do, so I never asked them for help which meant I couldn’t ask them to take me to therapists who specialized in this to help me out. I told my friends that I might be trans and some supported me and some stopped talking to me. They supported me by calling me by my masculine name and one had even gotten me a binder. I’m so grateful for them supporting me. Later on in high school I started to reflect on everything and started to explore my femininity. I realized I loved everything. I felt good when I wore something that made me look like a woman. My mom would bring me down though during those times. She would always say “wow you’re actually trying to wear feminine clothing now” “you finally look like a girl” or she would give me a judgmental stare and when I would ask what’s wrong she would say nothing. I started to come to a realization that maybe I wasn’t transgender. Maybe I was actually feeling insecurities in being a woman than gender dysphoria. I feel stupid and regretful for not thinking more on it before I declared myself as transgender.

everyone needs to push this message forward, transitioning may be for some, but it isn't for most, and it is being pushed on all.

So sick and tired of people tying sex to character traits. There is no damn masculine/feminine ‘energy’. Just do what you like and stop thinking about this nonsense.

full support you are brave, enjoy the ride !

I find it pretty hard to believe that anyone would have zero regrets after detransitioning but if you say so I guess no one can really argue that... Everyone is different... I'm happy for you that you didn't change everything so permanently that you couldn't mostly/fully detransition and/or at least except and live with after detransitioning. I pray for your peace and clarity moving forward and for all those who might think about transitioning in the future.

I feel this is what happens when you don't have or never has had real problems or hardships in your life... you live your life creating some just for you...