Abortion: My Experience 

After my abortion, I felt a blackness and an emptiness that is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It has been 40 years ago and it’s as if it was yesterday.

I also had an abortion, something that taunted me for years after that. And let me just say God is big! He heard my prayers, my humble cry, and he seen how much I was hurting. I asked him to forgive me and that’s all it took. He brought day and life back into my soul.

My boyfriend manipulated me on getting abortion he said if i had that child I would die and that he sow it in his dreams that if i take an abortion we would make another one when things gets better but instead he left me immediately , now he has a new girlfriend traveling together and when we were together he was always broke I don’t know what to do i am in the dark my heart is broken in pieces , please ladies never have an abortion it hurts

thank you for your testimony. I believe abortion regret is not discussed enough in public debate, young girls have no clue it may happen and how it may affect their lives.

Listen, I actually made the appointment for an abortion. That night though, I had a dream and saw the little girl that was growing inside me so I didn't go through with it. I was homeless and the father is a felon who didn't want anything to do with us, No judgement from me, I'm so sorry you went through with something that you didn't feel was right. It ended up working out for me. Her and I are doing great now. I'm not rubbing it in, I'm just telling people that it can have a happy ending if you choose life. My heart really broke for you. I experienced the same thing but I kept mine. But I totally understand your struggle and what you went through. Believe me, I understand!!!

You are so strong my queen. Thank you for your transparency. I love you

No one has any reason to judge you. Our only calling is to love you. You already show great remorse and contrition for what happened. God loves you and He created you to love you. Don't give up on God's love. He will set you free.

“Our shadows liked eachother” I LOVE this explains my ex

I feel your story ✊🏼 I was forced into having an abortion by my mom when I was just 17 years old. The situation was very intense because my sister who is 2 years older than me just happened to be pregnant as well. I was two months further along than her. My mom was so stressed because our dad is very conservative and now that my sister and I were both pregnant would have driven him crazy, so I felt so scared and I could only think about how disappointed he would be, and was so exhausted with the stress of thinking about how he would react which really made me feel powerless and so anxious. When I finally had the courage to call my mom and tell her I was pregnant was one of the hardest things I've ever had to tell my mom. I started crying as soon as I said "mom I need to tell you something" she immediately started panicking because it was one of those calls that you only hear when either someone dies or a teenager who's pregnant is about to finally work up the courage to tell her mom that her little girl is pregnant. Yes the one I was making I immediately started bawling because I could hear in my moms voice that she was so taken back and speechless, she later came home from work and brought me four pregnancy tests and so I took the first one then the second, third and fourth. Then I waited a few minutes and they all came up positive and my mom could only say she doesn't know what she's gonna do and she was just staring blank into space trying to take in the fact that I at only 17 was pregnant and little did I know at the moment that my sister already broke the news that she was also pregnant to my mom a few days before I did. It was one of the worst time to be pregnant because my dad isn't the type to take this type of news lightly. I was also scared to tell my dad because he and I were never close and he never made me feel worthy or loved while growing up even though we all lived together my dad never showed his love towards me and it caused a lot of insecurities for myself and I always wanted to make my dad proud of me but no matter what I accomplished in life , it was never good enough for him and he made our relationship completely broken since growing up my brother was his star child his athlete and I never got any type of recognition from my dad. He ruined any relationship we could have had and by the time I was teenager and I wanted nothing to do with him anymore because I gave up the idea that my dad would ever show his love for me , is the time he wanted to step up and my mom told him he had so many years to fix our relationship but it was too late for me I was a teenager who only thought about going out being with my boyfriend and friends not someone who could just act like everything was normal between us but anyway sorry for ranting on I just haven't been able to give all the details like this and it feels therapeutic. But back to whole point, my sister and I were both pregnant and I was 17 and she was 20 and had more of her life together than I did well at least that's how it was made out to feel for me. My mom said right away what are you going to do ?! I said what do you mean ...!? Because I never once thought of an abortion I had the idea that I was going to have a baby and my life was going to change forever but unfortunately with the lack of support from my mom trying to help me she said I couldn't have this baby because I wouldn't be able to handle it which is ridiculous because I've worked with newborns and young children from the age of 7 growing up with my cousins and working at the daycare and even though that doesn't do parenting justice it was still more experience than most teen parents have ever had and they had their babies so I was so stressed by the fact that my mom wasn't giving me the option to make the decision, she constantly went on about how this was the only thing that I could do, she made me feel as if it wasn't up to me and stole control of my decision. I was young and naive and scared so I was hoping to have my mom be there to support me more but that wasn't the case for me. My sister and I went to the doctors office together and my sister asked me what I was going to do and I said what do you mean mom said I'm having an abortion, she said and how do you feel about that and at that point I was so depressed knowing what was going to happen to me in a few days that I acted like it didn't faze me , and said I have no choice mom said it's the only option for me. My sister knew what I was doing was hard and she didn't want me to "regret" it but I knew I was going to buy once again who was going to help me, my mom didn't want me to have the baby and made me feel as if it wasn't no longer up to me or what I wanted but rather what was best for the family. A week passed and she found a clinic to take me and I'll never forget how badly I just wanted to run out of the room, the nurse then gave me a pill that would open my cervix causing contractions that were so painful they made me sick and shake the whole three hours of sitting on this chair in a room that I had to wait in for hours so I could be ready for surgery. A few hours pass and it's time that I went into the room where my thoughts were racing a million miles a minute. I eventually got onto the chair where my legs were opened and the doctor gave me anesthesia and told me I would start to fall asleep and they said to count back from 10 and all I remember was 7 and boom I was completely knocked out while they took care of it. I woke up a few minutes later which felt so confusing when they woke me up I didn't know what happened because of the anesthesia. They told me to go into the bathroom and I had a big pad and underwear on and was bleeding very hard. They later told me to go sit on these special chairs in the room next to the surgical room. I was in so much pain and my whole life changed before I even knew it. All I could think about was how I hated so much what I just did ! I was so mad with myself and so upset that it actually had to be this way. Finally after a few hours of waiting I was released and I couldn't walk and I immediately started crying and my sister was being insensitive and said I was being dramatic since she thought I was the one who came up with the decision to get an abortion...she didn't know how wrong she was because that was the last thing I wanted to do. We can now talk about it together and I've been able to cry to her and vent about how I sacrificed everything just for my dads sanity and disappointment. None of us told my dad that I was pregnant and still to this day doesn't know, and he will never know because my mom made me go through the worst pain in my life just so my dad wouldn't go insane. A few months later my sister told my dad she is pregnant and of course he was so pissed he wouldn't talk to anyone for months up until my niece was born , which for me was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, as much as I tried to stop thinking about this should have been my experience as well I couldn't help but cry when I held my niece. It all hurt so bad and as much as I was in love with my niece I couldn't help but think what would my baby look like how this was supposed to happen to me too I should be holding my precious child and gazing into my baby's eyes, but sadly it wasn't going to happen because this life isn't fair and never is but I just wanted that to be my life like it could of been. It even hurt knowing my sister and my mom were the only ones who knew but yet they didn't even think about how much this was breaking me down. I always cried in my bed when I would leave the room away from my family just to let go of tears I've been holding back. I just needed my mom or sister to actually check up on my feelings or at least acknowledge that they knew I was in pain. I would have had my son if only someone with a brain would have been there for me or so I didn't have to make the hardest sacrifice I've ever made just to keep the family somewhat functional and not send my dad into the hospital or something. I would have a 7 year old son right now and I wonder what he would look like and what he would be like, I wish I had him with me. I often dream of him and it's so hard to wake up without bawling my eyes because there have been times when the dream felt so real. Luckily I'm not as depressed about it but every once in a while it'll come across my mind that I wish I could just snuggle up and hold onto my angel 😇 I'm pro choice but make sure it's your choice whoever may read this. Just please take my story into consideration of your put into this situation. It's your decision not your families and the heart ache lives on with you not the person trying to make the decision for you!

I had an abortion too and it’s the single biggest regret of my life. I wish I could see my child now. Women with regrets need to share their stories because not a lot of women know about this side of abortion....

I am pregnant and have always thought I would just keep the child but I have natural questioning happening now challenging my beliefs. But I believe this baby inside of me is a soul and I would regret this more than I would be relieved by it. Thank you for sharing your story and not pushing a certain way, yet sharing your views as they are beautiful. Thank you. I’m excited to meet my beautiful child this year, I’m 7 weeks and I believe this will bring me into a more whole version of myself.

I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I’m also 26 and have never been pregnant before. I wasn’t on birth control because I’m natural as well. Planning on keeping him and raising my son as a single mom. The father abandoned me at 6 weeks pregnant. He’s on a lower vibration than me I have come to realize. I found out I was pregnant two weeks after my grandmother passed on. I know in my heart and soul that this is a spiritual connection to that. I couldn’t imagine the pain you faced. I pray for your healing. Love & light xo

I also had an abortion thinking it is something that I would never do. When you said you realized 10 minutes too late, it hit home. Love you sister.

As someone who has gone through a similar experience, thank you. I deeply appreciate your honesty.

I’m currently 23 and expecting my first, the father and his family tried manipulating me into aborting several times, and I would end up making the appointment but always canceling. He also cheated on me with a girl who I actually became good friends with because he lied to both of us. Turns out she’s not even 18 and he’s asked her for pictures and he’s sent some, that’s grounds for child pornography because he’s 21 so I definitely hope she reports him so I don’t have to worry about him trying to get partial custody one day if he ever tried getting into me and my child’s life.

its been 10 years since I ignored my intincts, I`am still strugglling.

Love this comment section. All love and no politics 💜 just how it should be

JESUS is full of Mercy! We are all undeserving but HE saves us & loves us no matter what! He made you & LOVES YOU.

It's been 30 years for me and I'm still struggling. I have 5 kids now and they are everything. I feel as women we dont spend enough time encouraging each other in our strengths.. I found out in was having twins right after the suicide of their father. We are powerful just in our being. I'm glad you shared this! Prayers for healing.

You are such a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing your story and for your courage, vulnerability and strength. I pray for continued healing from everything you’ve been through. Also, you mentioned a Catholic upbringing and it pains my heart hearing it was instilled in you that God punishes us for our sins. As a catechist, I make it a point to teach my students the analogy of the sun and earth. The sun represents God and the earth represents us - the sun never truly sets. We experience darkness as the earth turns away from the sun - thinking the sun “sets” while in reality it’s actually still always shining...it’s just shining on all who are there turned towards it to receive its light and warmth. God never punishes or turns away from us- he loves us so much he allows our freedom and it is we who choose to turn away from him, not him from us. The truth is that God NEVER changes and nothing we do can change his love for us. He doesn’t punish us for our sins, I believe we are the ones who punish OURSELVES when we sin. We live in this misery and darkness while his light is still always shining, still providing warmth for all who are there to receive it, it’s just we who turn away and experience darkness thinking it is he who turned away from us. It is always we who change, not him. He is a God of abundant LOVE, mercy, and forgiveness. Never punishment.

Thank you so much for sharing this story !! I lost my child when he was born and I have held myself responsible for everything until I learned it was for a reason I may never know and soon after I was able to forgive myself and love myself again!! Stay strong , much love your way !!

I’ve been watching RU-vid religiously for years now. You are the first RU-vidr who I ever requested a video and you followed through even though it was a lot to ask for. This means so much to me Krystal! I’ve never felt a more honest connection. I too was raised Catholic and struggle with eternal “damnation” conflict. The way you explained your situation takes away the judgement and brings in love. Exactly what I needed to hear. I truly appreciate you and will forever be a subscriber

Respect for you 💖 My ex wanted me to get an abortion. I didn't feel I could do that ever. Yet I felt like I had to for him. He kept asking me to. I didn't, despite saying I would to please him. I felt so afraid and confused being young. But after I finally felt like "I can do this even if I do it alone" I miscarried. It was so painful, physically and mentally. I blamed myself so much for losing this baby. And he became distant and sometimes very angry to me in the time I needed him most.( He had started getting close with a girl, back around when I found out I was pregnant. )I felt like I couldn't show how hurt I felt. Like I was walking on eggshells and he would leave me if I kept struggling. Sure enough just a few weeks after the miscarriage and me struggling mentally he left me for her. This was a very hard time for me having gone through the hormones of pregnancy on top of it all. But it made me grow so much and started my journey of consciousness and connecting with the higher self. Realizing everything does happen for a reason. And I know my little flower is still around me , in my aura, so is yours. 💖🌻

I can't imagine how hard it is for you to open up about this painful situation......thank you so much for educating us🙇🏽‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️.

Your honesty and spirit is wonderful. ✌️

This is beautiful. So many great lessons throughout this that I have had to learn myself. Thank you for this. Thank you for being vulnerable and open for those who haven't gotten there yet. Your soul shines

Thank you so much for this. I'm 20 years old, spiritual and went through this process in Texas (where the laws are psychologically brutal). I cant tell you how grateful I am to hear someone I respect discussing it. Really, thank you.

Jesus is the truth the way and the light! There is redemption and forgiveness only through the blood sacrifice of Jesus!

I have one more thing to share: When I was a teenager, I got involved with a girl. We were intimate for nearly two years until she got pregnant. I was given an ultimatum. Either marry her or she would terminate the pregnancy. I married her to save my Son's life. He loves life and is doing great. The marriage didn't work and she still tries to humiliate me, but I'm fine with that because at least I stopped the murdering of my Son.

Krystal your story touched me. I too am Catholic. I almost walked away from my faith due to my husband being very anti-Catholic. I ended up praying about it and asking God to show me the truth. I decided to read about what Catholic authors had to say about various doctrines of the church and why the church teaches them. I am so glad I did not walk away because I learned how much love is behind what so many people think are impossible rules. There are 2 types of truth. Objective truth and subjective truth. Objective truth is unchanging, it is true for everyone in all ages and all cultures. That truth is Jesus, he is the way, the truth, and the life that we are all called toward. Abortion not only ends the life of a child, it also deeply affects the life of the mother. I am so sorry you went through this. You discovered too late that your baby's father did not want what was best for you. Your baptism leaves an indelible mark on your soul and someday you will hear Jesus call you back to His church. BTW after studying the Catholic faith, my husband was also converted by the truth he discovered. God bless you, I really pray that you find your way back sooner than later.

I had an abortion 12 months ago, and struggle to this day with deep shame, regret and sadness about it. Thank you for your courage and making this video. I relate so much to the situation you went through. You don't know how many women you have helped with your words.

It is incredible how similar my story is to yours. I was 7 weeks pregnant when I had mine, and it felt like a dream. They gave me a Xanax that completely numbed me to any sort of feeling. It felt like a dream. I too have been going through some of the same exact feelings. I just had mine about 2 months ago and just thinking about it makes me want to crawl out of my skin I feel so ashamed and guilty. Yet, I see where I was at when I made the choice, and know that the only way through is to love myself and have compassion for the scared lost girl I was when I made the decision. When I got pregnant, I had felt her soul with me from day one. I knew I was 2 weeks before it would even show up on a pregnancy test. the day she came into this world, a wild female deer came up to me in the middle of this meadow out in the woods and put her head on my womb. She looked me in the eye and allowed me to pet her. Deer represent fertility. It was one of the most what the fuck, incredible, beautiful, miraculous out of this world moments of my life, and that was the day I found out I knew I was pregnant. I was in a relationship that I knew was not serving me. I didn’t feel comfortable or safe with the man I was with. Like you, before I met him I went through such a light amazing time period in my life! I was the most confident, badass, spiritual bright soul! I was killing it in school, had so many friends, and was convinced I’d be a millionaire, selling spiritual self help books, and a total boss lady business woman by the tome I was 30. Shortly after I started seeing him I did a complete 180! I constantly was having panic attacks, would lie in bed depressed all day. I became so self critical, needy, unhealthy, and overall miserable. I felt like trash around him. I could not make a decision about ANYTHING for the life of me. My best friends told me that I looked like a vampire, that all of my life force was drained after being around him. When I found out I was pregnant I was overwhelmed by the love I had for her, but freaked the fuck out about how I would ever provide for her. I was dying on the inside being with this man, I’ve never felt so scared, anxious, and completely unseen in a relationship in my entire life. Making the decision I did was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I still don’t feel like I had made a decision from my higher selfs direction. I was so scared and spiritually disconnected, I just listened to everyone around me telling me I didn’t make enough money to support a child and that I’d be attached to this man forever. I also had a synchronicity too, my best friend had gotten pregnant around the same time too. I love my sweet girl more than anything I’ve ever loved, and it hurts so bad to think about what I’ve done. It’s so hard to talk about or find anyone that can even relate. I feel like most people think “well you chose to have an abortion, you don’t deserve to grieve” or that you deserve to be punished for being a baby killer” It’s been such a confusing time for me filled with so much self hate and self destruction. Many of nights I’ve been so close to taking my own life. Yet I know the only way I can heal and turn this around and leave a positive mark on this planet is to learn how to forgive myself and to love myself. But it’s so hard knowing what I did. I feel I don’t deserve forgiveness or to be loved. But the only way out is love. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it means the world. I think of my little soul in the same way, I pray that one day we’ll meet again. One of my best friends reminded me that “it doesn’t have to be soul for soul” My baby girl did not wish for me to be miserable in order for her to incarnate at this time. She deserves a mother that is strong, confident, and respects herself in a healthy loving relationship. I wanted her to love herself and never settle for less, and I didn’t know at the time how to teach her that if I couldn’t do it myself. I now see how many other options there could’ve been and it breaks my heart. I would love to be able to chat with you one day. Namaste beautiful soul. ❤️

Krystal, I feel you. I went through a very similar experience, including being raised Christian and pro-life. I was also pressured and it shook my world. But I have healed and am no longer bothered by it four and a half years later. You will continue to heal and be transformed by this painful experience. You are so strong and I applaud your courage to share this! I know we don't personally kn ow each other but if you want someone to talk to who understands, let me know. 💗

Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️ I'm Catholic Christian, and I want to let you know, you are loved, you are forgiven, your baby and God love you immensely. The punishment is not from God, it's our own choices if we try to hold on to them and not let go that haunt us in this life and the next. Your regret, pain, and sorrow, as well as your self-love practices, show that you are letting go, allowing forgiveness to enter your heart, from yourself and others.

That guy is the freaking worst. Like how can people do such things....

Thanks for opening up and sharing your story.

Your transparency is inspiring & these scars will heal

Wow thank you so much for bravely sharing your story, Krystal!

That little soul is right next to you full of forgivness. 🙏🏻💙 I believe you now have the power of helping other women to choose life and to know they can and they are strong enough. Thank you for your story.

This literally breaks my heart. Thank you for being so honest and transparent.

Your little soul is always with you.

I feel so honored for you to share this with us. ❤️ Thank you.

Crystal this video was very touching for me on so many levels. I too suffered neglect and low self esteem when I was growing up which led me to date a string of men who took advantage of me, put me down and used my kindness against me. It's taken me a very long time to feel worthy enough to be with a kind man who treats me well. Two years ago I met that man. He fought for me for many months, opened his heart to me and wanted nothing more than to give me the unconditional love that I deserved. It was hard at first to accept his love but I am SO glad I did. He's currently sleeping next to me with his hand on my tummy and our eight week old little soul inside and I could not think of a more perfect person to begin this adventure of parenthood with. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. I also would have found that decision extremely heart breaking but I truly believe that things happen for a reason and out of all bad experiences and traumas in life we can find true strength growth. Your time will come again with the right person and you will make the most wonderful mother. Blessings to you Xxx

I ve watched your video a couple of times, Krystal! Its one of the best video about ab I have come across on youtube. You're a beautiful soul and I can relate in so many ways to your experience. I had an ab(ortion) 9 months ago and Im still struggling alot with it. I wasnt exactly forced to do it but I did feel I didnt have enough support. I listened to my friends and mum too much, saying how hard its going to be (as I knew id have to be a single mum) while deep inside me I was already happy to be raising this child on my own. Opinions of others and not enough support from child's dad (he was ambivalent about the decision) , made me choose wrong. My mental health was never great, and my anxiety and depresion only escalated after that and I've been on antidepressants ever since. First days post- ab were the worst days of my life. Same as you, I was scratching my skin out at night because I hated myself so much. I really though my happy life was over forever and I started to count how many more years I've got to live. I though I will never be able to live with what I did. I never wanted to do it, I felt attached to the baby already, but fear of not cooping on my own took me over.I was also full of pregnancy hormones, tired, weak, insomniac, so I "decided" with little sanity I had left. I still struggle to accept that it was actually MY decision and struggle daily about everything that "could be" and never will....Im in the phase of trying to not see it as a mistake anymore, and instead seeing it as a lesson I needed to learn. It only takes switching the perspective. Before ab I read alot about how most women feel relieved after ab and how pass (post abortion syndrom) doesnt exist. I dont believe that! It can definately affect you more if you've got some ongoing mental issues or unresolved trauma from before, but I never buy into the fact that ab is a matter that a woman can get through easily. So please, if you're contemplating the decision, decide on whats best for YOU and only you! I failed to listen to my intuition as I was super stressed and anxious. So do go find a peaceful place and get in contact with your soul

Your story absolutely breaks my heart. I have something similar tattooed on my body. It’s for my 2 babies I lost by 2 different miscarriages. I’m so sorry you had to live through this hell & the regret you will always have. I am so happy you are a strong soul & I believe your little soul you chose you release, will return to you one day. So many things you said spoke so close to my own heart. Thank you for sharing & good luck on your journey. 💜

Stumbled across your channel and this video. I love how, after such struggles, you have such forgiveness and compassion for those who hurt you (you can feel that in the video. That is true power; answering hate and violence with love and compassion. That is love. And it changes the world!

Krystal your story made me weep as it was the same story as mine, I'm Australian and I was abroad when it happened and I never wanted to have an abortion and I did for the exact same reason with my ex lying to me and then leaving me a few weeks later. I am a Christian and I had self hate and cried for 12 months every single day. But Gods loving kindness healed me as one night I had a dream and the Lord showed me my little girl in heaven. Your baby is not lost but is waiting for you. I can feel you and I admire your courage to share such a personal story, you are an incredible human being. My abortion was 14 years ago and recently I was blessed with a baby girl who is now 5 months old a gift I never thought I deserved but God is love and merciful. I am against abortion and support life but I have compassion for anyone that has gone through this and do not judge as even though everyone speaks about the mothers choice no-one ever speaks about the baby's right to live. No-one ever tells you either how traumatic the experience can be for a woman who often regrets the decision afterwards and suffers silently enduring guilt and a huge void a missing part of their soul. You are loved by the divine and are forgiven and I pray that you will meet your angel again as they are waiting for you. A little soul is never lost, and I am so glad that you found healing. Blessings precious one

I can totally feel you, have been through it some years ago. Also my bf told me he didn't want that baby.. These was the most horrible experience in my life so far, but as you said: we all get stronger out of it. Also I would not let such man into my life anymore. And what helped me heal was to remind myself, that I simply wasn't there yet. I had done any possible for me at that time, that's just how it is. And I got a belly button piercing as a symbolic grave stone. But of course the pain comes back from time to time and that is ok, it is love.

I use to think abortion was no big deal when I was younger. “It’s not a baby yet” that was until a couple of my friends had them and expressed how regretful they were.. I could see that it wasn’t just a cluster of cells to their souls. Don’t beat yourself up, but thank you for being honest. You are saving people.

This was my exact experience in June of this year, but I chose not to get an abortion. This video was seriously everything and it was so heartbreaking for me but also empowering to know I did what I chose to do. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and have no contact with the father. This video gave me the positivity I needed to hear. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I love your energy. Couldn’t subscribe fast enough. 💗

I am going through this situation right now and I cried hearing your story. Thank you so much for sharing. You’re a beautiful soul

Good video; thanks for sharing! You may not have been strong enough back then, but you are now; all because of that experience. As humans, we all make mistakes, but whether we grow from them or not is up to us!

I appreciate you and your energy Krystal. Much love to you for sharing

Wow. I have been resonanting so much with you lately, thank you for showing me I'm not alone! I can't wait for your book and the 5 week challenge! I love you Krystal 💕

TT_TT thank you so much for sharing this. too many women get abandoned when telling their boyfriends about their pregnancy, or get directly forced by them to abort.

I am a Pro-Life Artist. I am proud of you to talk about this gut wrenching subject. You are definitely not alone to feel guilty. My mother to this day feels horrible for the same and it has been over forty years now. What is important is that you care enough to share your experience. Maybe someone out there who is sitting on the fence may change their mind after hearing what you have to say. Just recently one of my paintings on this very traumatic topic to my shock was selected on Manhattan Arts International "Her Story". I find it not to be a coincidence that your thoughts on this topic ended up in my bin. I don't know you, have never heard of you but here we are. I have heard similar stories from many women who have opted to abort and then live to regret their decision. The trauma to the Psyche is real and permanent. However, what is done is done. Compassion is all I can offer and you must learn to move on. Things happen for a reason. None of us has a right to judge you or your action. All of us have made blunders we are not proud of. Peace & Love.

Your a beautiful soul Krystal. I cant imagine how horrible that must have felt for you. Glad you've come out stronger and more loving out of that experience. 🙏💓

Thanks for sharing beautiful. I went through a similar situation. I’m glad to see you are healing beautifully. I love your videos thank you for that. 💕✨

First of all I wanna say you are very courageous!!! Very brave to share your story! Thank you. I’m proud of you! This hits home for me! It made me very emotional. My name is Danielle, I’m 24 years old. I’m very shy, sentimental, emotional sensitive person. My best friend lied and played me. He isn’t the guy who I thought he was. We’ve been friends since 11th grade. We know a lot about each other!! Nothing we don’t know about each other, meaning goals, life, history, our past. Just everything about each other. We know each other very well. We been on and off ever since high school. We got reconnected he kept hitting me up on Facebook and wanted to hang out and I’ve been suffering from depression for the longest we have a lot in common with our mothers. So we knew about our problems we were dealing with. We would talk about a lot and encourage each other. But I did confess and express to him about me: I didn’t think I could ever get pregnant I didn’t think I could ever be a mom. He knows this, and I was not sexually active often, it was rarely that me and my best friend would have intercourse. I never met his side of his family but he knows mines. He would be the one that insinuate the encounter. It took a lot of me to have sex to be honest. It even took a minute to actually get into it. So we didn’t do it often, but it was unprotected which I own up to that, looking back I do feel irresponsible. Anyway fastforward January 13 at 4am i was having a lot of for New Years and Christmas smoking and drinking never came across my mind that I was pregnant. I never got any symptoms I just happened to take two home pregnant test because I looked in mirror my boobs were bigger. It freaked me out! I panicked, then I took the two test and they came back positive I REALLY panicked!!! I lost my mind I had nervous breakdown literally. I had to rush to the ER because I was in big denial and disbelief I couldn’t believe like yeah right not me! I never would’ve thought I could! So when I went to the ER they confirmed it that I was pregnant. I broke down and cried so hard!! They did ultrasound and said it was too early to tell how far along I was. So I told some family members some were shock and denial as well some were happy and some were disappointed. It still hasn’t even hit me yet! Mind you, My father is in the hospital and has been there for almost a year now. Struggling with that. I had a lot on my plate I would love to break it all down into detail but I’ll make long story short. Basically I’m thinking my best friend would be comforting and supportive but it would huge slap in the face! It just went left after that I tried and tried to be positive and talk with him but he said he wanted me to get abortion knowing I’m against it. I have morals and beliefs, I don’t believe in it. It was just a big mess. So now I’ve been trying on multiple occasions to talk with him and he has been nothing but negative and rude and heartless and cruel and cold. I never saw this side of him I was so hurt he even would ask me to get abortion based off our relationship and we were planning to make it official in April. I was very confused and I felt I was getting punished for something I dont know I did. I was getting all anger from him. Then he kept making excuses and blaming me and lying on me saying I told him I was on the pill. THAT IS A LIE! I never told Him that. I know I wasn’t on it. We weren’t that sexually active but I own my responsibilities and take full of it. To this day I had to block him because it was just so toxic and I couldn’t believe I’ve been friends with a deceiver! I finally found one of his sisters and explaing to her everything that was going on. She seems disregarding and not wanting to do with it. So now I’m just doing what I have to and get prepared. I pray everyday and every night. Hoping God gives me sign and show me what I should I do because I don’t know.

I love your channel. I'm so happy I found it. Thank you for sharing your story. Keep up the great work. xo

It's amazing that you can put your vulnerability out there and be an honest about such a tough moment in your life. ❤ may you be prosperous in your endeavors

Thanks for sharing such a personal story, I can't imagine what I would do in that situation but you're so brave for sharing. You have a beautiful heart and Im glad you made it through everything you have ❤.

wow, I can relate so much! I had a bf who said that he wanted to get me pregnant, and then turned around and acted kinda like the partner your talking about. it hurts so bad to be treated that way. I also had childhood trauma that led to me having partnerships like this. Im so grateful for you sharing your story. Ive been searching for other women that I could relate with. Thank you for reminding me that its not about us when people are being mean like that. You are so strong and such an inspiration!

Thank you so much for sharing this! You are so brave for sharing something so raw and personal. Your story will help so many woman out there dealing with the same thing, and it’s important that woman start stepping into their power. I have gone through a very toxic and emotionally abusive relationship as well and I’m trying to pick up the pieces on many different levels still. It’s so comforting hearing other women’s stories, it’s definitely a journey but as long as we stick together I know we can conquer anything. Thank you for your bravery Krystal. I love you!

I had pretty much the exact same thing happen 7 and a half years ago. I thank you for sharing your experience. this makes me feel better even all these years later

I know how this must have been difficult to share this. Thanks for sharing and being brave ❤️

I love your share! Thank you, thank you. I honor your strength in sharing, especially with the vulnerability, and speaking your truth, extremely powerfulI. I’ve had a very similar experience, it took years to process and heal. But I realized this was my catalyst into awakening. The foundation in understanding that I didn’t listen to what I wanted or even asked myself what I wanted. Realizing I’m looking everywhere else outside myself for answers, creating a void of my authentic self and truth. Also there’s reasons ( the things which happened while growing up, instilling these beliefs in us) not only from family /friends but also society and how it conditions us with fear ( false evidence appearing real) and false polarized thinking. It provided a path for escaping the matrix by understanding and connecting to the infinite beings we all are. It completely changed my life, even though I’ve had other traumas like molestation by multiple family members/ friends or seeing both my sisters facing terminal illness and my own health which after the abortion I started having significant health problems because I was still learning and searching for my truth and who I really am. Despite other traumas this was by far the most painful and a gift of connecting me on this awakening path. It’s also very important to acknowledge your a healer and how it participates in our growth and a deeper connection to our path here along with connecting us to others on a very personal level. Also the universe has your back in every moment- we do what we ought to do, because we do them. Making the decision to act, is what we think is best at the time. Also our experiences lead to understanding, we can read all the books in the world to increase our understanding and knowledge but only through another’s experience, haha which is what we’re trying to avoid in the first place!

Thank you for sharing. I went through the same thing. I also went to a therapist to obtain support. Instead of getting support the therapist told me one day “I don’t understand how someone could kill a baby”. I began drinking and destroying my life and eventually swallowed a bottle of pills and almost died, You are very strong for not going in the direction I went in.

Abortion was the most painfull thing for me :(

Thank you for sharing. I had an abortion 19yrs ago. NEVER GOT PREGNANT again until last year and the pregnancy was so hard for me because all of the feelings I never “felt” after the abortion all came up during my pregnancy. I couldn’t see the stages of the development of the baby cause I kept thinking of the other pregnancy. I’m just sharing because I thought i had processed it but nope, it all came up 20yrs later. The second pregnancy sounds just like your situation. And I blamed myself like how could I bring someone into my life that doesn’t care. I did keep the baby and I’m doing it on my own. It’s hard but I’m hanging in there. I cried when u said u hope the lil soul comes back and that’s how I feel about my Little one now. He came back ❤️

Hi Beautiful Krystal ❤️ Just wanted to let you know that this video really helped me, and here's why... When I was younger, up until when I met my husband (when I was 28), I've been in several toxic relationships with men who abused me emotionally and never really loved me. Back then I didn't know any better and didn't realize I was being abused, and even when I did I felt like I have to be with that person, that I was in love and I had to make them love me back. Not once in my life I found my self behaving in a way that wasn't classy, like you phrased it, beginning people to stay with me, and pretty much humiliating myself to the ground. For many years I've felt so embarrassed about that time in my life, not sharing it with anyone, and even after meeting my husband, who is a loving and devoted partner, I still felt like the fact that I did those things says something about me, and that I should be ashamed of it. Watching someone as amazing and special like you sharing the fact that she did the exact same things, makes me feel normal and worthy and makes me feel like maybe I should share my story as well and not be ashamed of it. Much love and thank you so much ❤️

It’s always so crazy to me how much I can relate to you and your life experience. I got pregnant by a man that damaged me emotionally and mentally, I miscarried at 10 weeks without even knowing I was pregnant and I was absolutely heartbroken. My ex told me if I had stayed pregnant he would have left me and the baby. But I’ve consistently tried to remind myself that the universe works the way it does for a reason and had I never gotten pregnant I also would’ve never opened my eyes to how truly awful I was being treated. Sending all my love and light to you, thank you so much for sharing 💜

As I was watching this I could feel a little girl around you to your left.....and I heared the words "I love you mommy" I am very spiritually gifted, wasn't sure if I should write this but hopefully it can bring you peace ❤❤

I had to take a second and pause at :43 seconds just to say thank you already.. I personally have not gone through what you have gone through so I cannot relate but I can relate so much about making a video when you feel that it's right even though you're afraid to. I just posted something that was very hard for me to post and I didn't like how it came out but I knew there is a reason why I posted it, and hearing your beginning about making the video even though your voice is shakey, you truly inspire me. You're such a kind soul. 💞

Even though this was posted almost a year ago, I really needed this. I was 16 when I had mine, and I am now 26 and I never really let myself heal from it. So thank you for this, its nice when you realize you aren't alone.

I'm so sorry you went through this. Although I'm pro-life, I got pregnant by a man who was extremely abusive (verbally and abusive). My daughter is now 6, and although I finally left her Dad a little over 4 years ago, I can tell you from experience that it is EXTREMELY difficult. The abuse and control doesn't stop have because I'm not with him. Instead it just changes it's form. Although I would never ever wish that I didn't have my daughter, it's definitely been extremely tough. I'll be praying for you. Hugs ❤️

Thanks for your candor. This is RU-vid at it's best.. sharing, honesty and the comfort that we are all in this experience of life together

Grew up Christian and Catholic as well and your story is powerful. Sorry you had to go through all that sh$t and is why I'm not pro-abortions, unless via rape or the like. Glad you've felt some healing and positivity since.

Heart goes out to you & all women going through the excruciating pain that abortion can come with. Thank You and all who share their stories. They really do help others heal.

Hey Crystal, I am really touched with this.. you are strong, wise and filled with unconditional love. I know this was hard for you (to experience and share it, mostly people try to repress it), but you have huge waves of love and support! Good things are coming to you because you accepted , let it go :) everything is lesson and you know it. My heart gets injection of high vibrations when I see you and Koi together. Thank you again for this, I love your channel because you are honest and super-grounded!! Peace and love from Bosnia and Herzegovina

Powerful story.....your strength and openness to be able to share this is pretty remarkable. Keep loving yourself, you'll reunite with that little soul again. Sending you light my friend 🙏

Im proud of you for talking about this. Youre energy is so strong and positive and you are so strong. 💖 that was repetitive but you get what i mean

Thank you for sharing, I’m currently single for the first year since I was 14. I have no desire to date and I realize it probably is because I’ve been traumatized.. I’m extremely ashamed of myself for choosing to live like that as long as I did..I now look back and wonder who the hell was I? I admire you so much and it gives me a lot of hope knowing you overcame things like you have. Your so beautiful inside and out and seem so sure of the path your now on, you deserve the best. I’m glad you love yourself more now, I’m on my way as well.

I feel the same about the little soul. I had a termination, I needed it, my fiancé needed it, but it still hurt like hell. I definitely don’t regret it, but I do wonder “what if?” I hope in the next few years when my husband and I are more stable, we’ll be able to bring back our little soul ❤️

I feel like it’d be interesting if you made a video about what you talked about at 6:15 That part really hit home for me, I feel like it’d help some ppl. Thank you for sharing this story 💜

You went through incredible trauma - I can't even imagine what it must have been like. Sending you so much love

Thank you so much Krystal. You are very brave and strong to share your story. I too have a very similar story to yours and i am grateful to you for being a great example to me of self love and acceptance. I also teach and there are these parts of me I've started to share with a select few, and people always amaze me with their love and compassion. I realize my fears of opening up are my tests because every time i do I'm rewarded with such relief and acceptance. Once we can accept who we are , others will too!! Thank you for your beautiful light and knowledge.

I was once in a very similar situation & I made the same choice. I regret nothin g in life the way that I regret this. I loved my baby, but I was so afraid and I was alone, a lot like you. I am so sorry for the pain you have gone through and still at moments struggle with. My abortion was four years ago and I miss my child very much. I truly hope you find healing & I will pray for you in this way. God bless you & your child. You have a beautiful heart and I truly believe you are on a positive journey. You are not alone.

God i am SO Sorry you had to go through that. I am one for forgiveness, but Karma is Real and there will be a Toasty place for him one day. Please please.....Don't beat yourself up about this, but thank you for sharing. Someone will read 'your story' and it will change their life....And for the men reading this, if you see this type of behavior in one of your Male friends, for God's sake, Say Something. I find it difficult to imagine How a man can treat a woman like this. I have the patience of Job and am flatlined when it comes to confrontation.....but at 6'4"/235 and Athletic, i have several times taken it upon myself to Step in to any public situations i witness with a guy being disrepectful to a woman. Just say, What would your Grandmother say if she saw the way you were treating her?? That'll shock em....If your not that big, ask for Help.....Hail, i even had to one day, but he was the one that left in handcuffs, haha. Stay Strong K....G~

💞💞💞💞 you inspirational light being, transmuting the darkness into something of growth and power. So much love! Your vulnerability and authentic self inspires me to be myself wholly and face my shadows head on! Thank you 😌🙏🏽

so much love to you Krystal

I went through something similar, it doesn’t feel like we’re alone. Forgiving yourself is something that’ll take time, I hope you get the peace that you need. ♥️ I hope to meet my little soul too! I send you love.

Lots of love Krystal you are so inspiring thank you so much for sharing your heart

I had one and the very second it was over I was overcome with greif and regret. I will always wonder what could have been now.

Gods love can set you free from these insecurities, he does not judge you but we need to come to him humbly & sorrowfully 💕

Hi Krystal. Thank you for sharing something so intimate and sensitive. It is good to forgive yourself and others and to learn from that experience. I think the more we talk about adopting the philosophy of ahimsa. Non-violence towards ourselves, others and all life. Love, Light and blessings be upon you always. Namaste.

The journey of life is a powerful one, thank you for sharing. You are strong asf for this ❤💚Sending good vibes your way and a hug of light. Take care of yourself ✌️🙏

In my 54 years on this planet, I conclude that our soul and higher selves want us to experience the entire spectrum of emotional experiences and they create strong probabilities for them to happen. All we can do is make the best decision possible in a certain amount of time. I am sure you made the best decision that you could at that time. Forgiving yourself and the boyfriend is the right cosmic thing to do! I think you have learned some valuable lessons that will help others in similar situations. Cheers and namaste!

Thank you for sharing these personal stories Krystal.I am dealing with similar feelings more than 20 years later.Never got the chance to process it all at the time,was too dissociated and traumatised generally and suffering from those similar feelings of low self esteem and need for validation and approval.I am pretty sure I made the right decision but I sure wish I had the chance to process it all and it would have helped if the "prospective father"had of been present and helped me grieve and process it all.

Krystal, thank you for sharing. I can relate to your story except I decided to have my baby and I honestly say that he is the best thing that happened to me. Now I am 43 and still can't believe how it is possible that although he looks like his father, he is so bright, intelligent, balanced, ambitious and caring. I also grew up as a Catholic and only now I understand that he was such a gift from God for me, because even though I did not have the best start in life, thanks to my child my life turned into a real fairy tale. Thank you for your courage and for your concern to help other women trust that some things are happening in our lives to change them for the better, even if we do not see it immediately.