Accepting Your Gender Identity - What it Means! 

I’ve been on 2 mg of estrogen for around two years now but I’ve had doubts the whole time about being non-binary. I had stopped caring about how feminine or masculine I looked and I took this as a sign that I wasn’t really trans. Recently I let my prescription run out for about two weeks thinking that either I would feel fine and I was tricking myself into being transgender or it would be obvious that I needed to be on medication. It became very obvious that I was transgender and needed to transition medically after about five days. I found myself craving to be more feminine obsessing over trans timelines looking at feminine clothes online etc. as it turns out, I was just comfortable with myself when I was transitioning and uncomfortable with myself when I stopped! I hope this helps someone who is doubting themselves

For me it was the opposite. When I was questioning, I was reluctant to accept my trans nonbinary identity because I was afraid I wasn't good enough to count myself among the trans community. I already had trans friends, who are some of the most insightful, compassionate, and creative people I know, and I felt like I was appropriating their identity. I had spent so many years convincing myself that I was nothing but clinically depressed, and could never be anything more than that. Due to internalized transphobia, I told myself I hadn't suffered enough to be trans, or gone through the same struggles and pain as other trans people. The irony is that I actually saw my nonbinary self as a stronger and better adjusted person than I could ever hope to be. So my depression told me that I could never live up to that. What I didn't realize was that the depression was fighting to preserve itself, and it got to the point where it was either let the depression win, or accept my trans identity. Coming out to myself was one of the best things that ever happened in my life. It was like a dark heavy fog had been lifted from my mind for the first time. I needed to allow myself to be the better version of myself that I'd kept buried under layers of denial. My depression was a curse, but I see being trans as a gift that opens up so many possibilities. To me, it's not a burden, because I've already carried around my share of those, and I'm fortunate enough to have friends and family who support me. My trans identity was the answer I've been searching for my whole life.

Very true. I’m FTM and I reached acceptance about 1 yr into my transition. Having started to both medically and socially transition at that point. I was in the shower on day and thought to my self “while wanting everyone’s acceptance. And wanting permission. Had I given myself permission to be me and be free” and I realized I had not. So I said to myself in that moment. “I give you permission to be King (my name)” and emotionally there was a shift. I felt extremely confident. More than before. That was more euphoric than any of my physical changes. That I’ve experienced.

I’m simply a woman who happens to be trans. Saying that statement out loud really helped me. Talking to your subconscious is VITAL

I had to realize that I wasn’t being fair to myself. I didn’t treat myself like I would anyone else in my position. My big breakthrough was taking things from “I fuck up everything I touch” to “It’s okay to make a mistake.” It sounds simple but it actually made me cry the first time I said it. I internalized other people’s feelings or opinions and made them true for myself. After that, it was easier. I want to take the steps to be more feminine right now. I have as long as I can remember. So what if I regret it? Well, it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you and your loved ones are okay with the consequences. It turns out we were.

When I realized I was Trans I thought I was too old to transition so I hid away for a few years because I felt like I was gaslighting people. But once I ACCEPTED that I am Trans and started to transition I got super happy and I wanted everyone to know. That has lasted and I really didn't expect that part of it.

I needed to accept being trans because my anxiety and depression were so debilitating, even when being on a pretty strong SNRI and going through a lot of therapy. Since accepting being trans I am healing, but like you said transitioning is not linear and i still go through phases of anger and sadness about my transition, but it is all part of the process.

I feel so good about myself when I say I am trans. Its a weight off me and that I was not going mad, I know who I am. I want to just shout out to the world who I am but taking a small steps before I shout out who I am. Telling family next, with some saying transphobic stuff in the past is a big hurdle.

Thanks for the great video! Acceptance, as you point out isn’t absolute…it’s not all or nothing, at least that wasn’t my experience. Initially I willed my acceptance based on history, logic and my therapist’s experience and knowledge of my condition. Still I was only about 25% of full acceptance, and I had to worked hard to increase my acceptance level. It helped me feel more in control and gave me the ability to move forward and make plans. For me making and achieving those plans accelerated my acceptance. In the beginning, doubts would creep back in and erode my level of acceptance, but I always countered with my initial base acceptance: history, knowledge, logic and experience, and the doubts would fade. I’m 7 years into my transition, and while I still have transition goals to achieve, I no longer struggle with acceptance. The doubts are completely gone. Thanks again for the wonderful video.

It has been 4 months since I realized that I am a transgender woman. This realization has come late in my life and has created a great deal of turmoil with my now ex-partner. There was immense pressure from her to maintain my masculine role under constant threats of losing custody of our child, being removed from the family home, being cut off from the shared business income. All of which happened quite dramatically and traumatically a few weeks ago. I had accepted being Trans when the realization hit me but had been moving back and forth between presenting as male or female to placate others but especially with the specter of court arising I was very stressed and disassociated from myself.. My lawyers told me to just be true to myself and if I felt more comfortable presenting in a feminine light to do so and they would defend my rights as a transgender woman. This permission instantly liberated me and allowed me to live my truth and fully accept and embody my feminine nature and expression without compromise. Suddenly a huge weight had been lifted from my heart and from that moment on I presented as feminine/androgynous in court and in public. I took a leap of faith and doing so transformed me. I experienced an inner strength, a fearlessness and a serenity that I had never felt in my 60+ years. I now walk the streets of my town with confidence and grace, and what surprised me the most, was that every where I go, shop or café I am welcomed and treated respectfully and courteously. Though I may lose my home, my living, my family I have found and embraced my Self and because of this I trust that all else will fall into place in the highest and best way. Yes, the situation I face brings profound sadness and pain to my heart but I am resolute that no one will ever again dictate how I am to live my life, no matter what the consequences. To me this is the unequivocal acceptance of self.

18 years later, when I look back on it, I think there were certain levels and types of acceptance through out my journey. The first level was initially me saying it out loud, and finally admitting it. I think it was just me wanting to embrace change to get myself out of what I felt was depression, and being stuck in a life that I felt like wasn't mine. There was acceptance in getting a therapist, telling family and friends, moving to a different city, name change, changing documents, social changes, and top surgery as well as hormones. All of that was certain levels of acceptance tied into the root of it all. I think ultimately what helped me was thinking of my female self prior, and thanking her for letting me exist. I know her and I are the same, and ultimately she wasn't really a her, but she was. I am a continuation of that previous person. It helped me embrace my whole self I think more than anything. I may not have lived a typical man's/male life, but I think I'm unique in my own perceptions of this existence, and the world in general... And to me that is truly a gift. All this time, and all these years.... it was always about self love, generating that love outward, and embracing life. What a wonderful thing. And well don't get me wrong, many things have thier hardships, but in the root of that are the answers to your own questions if you truly listen. The journey still continues...

This is really helpful. I know I struggle with how unfair it is that "I got stuck with such a hard thing and all the loss and challenges that come with it". I don't voice it to myself often but the feelings are there. A large part of it is living in a world with so many hateful ignorant people who can't just leave us alone. It costs them NOTHING to just leave us alone if they "don't like us".

im non-binary and i've grown in a very transphobic family. my parents found out i was trans because they took away my phone and read the chats, i had to convince them i wasn't really trans, that i was faking it all the time for attention and that i was just a tomboy...i did it for my own safety but that event of my life didnt made it easy for me to accept my trans gender identity and when there are bad days when i feel not valid or that im faking i just watch other trans person videos talking about their experience or just trans related videos, it make me feel like im a person and im not alone! i hope one day i will completely accept this part of me

Thank you, Natalia, for this powerful video! Initially, I struggled very much with self-acceptance. Later, I realized that self-acceptance is an on-going journey, that is foundational to my internal happiness and critical to my moving forward.

Thanks for addressing this topic Dr. Z. If I am understanding you correctly the difference between acceptance and non-acceptance is that acceptance is facing reality in an empowering way. It's been helpful for me to liken trans to left handedness, red hair, and other rare traits that have been stigmatized in the past. Doing so helped me to see the advantages my incongruities give me. Rather than defining my life the incongruities are more like natural talents I can put to use to improve my life and the lives of those around me.

This comment section is very helpful. Thank you everyone.

The thing I wrestle with is that I'm so much more than my gender. I feel once I accept fitting in this box, I lose so many other things that make me me.

I think what helped me was saying "I don't know if I'm trans but I'm 100% certain I'm not cis" based on all the questioning I had, I couldn't be cis From there, once I knew I wasn't cis, looking at the evidence (i.e, I wanted to be feminine 24 7)...it was pretty clear, my gender identity is female

Healing can't begin without acceptance. For me it's just that simple. I've been through enough bad situations to know that acceptance is the only way forward.

Update from when I last messaged you ma'am. For the longest time I said well I won't transition because I can never give birth but I don't know what happened. I started feeling really bad like I had to do something so I came out to my wife and we are doing really well. Currently starting the process with the Air Force and the local veteran's affairs hospital to start the process. They set me up with a speech therapy appointment as well all free of charge. I just want to say thank you so much for your videos, they truelly did help me come to the realization that I only have one life and I need to live it authentically. I'm not sure if you'd be interested but I will update you via comments every few months. Again thank you so much for all of your hard work for the community. Much love -Fran

Been questioning my Gender Identity for YEARS. Been going to therapy, and finally am going to discuss HRT with my doctor. These videos really helped as well!!!!

It's been a long road but I finally can say that I accept that I'm awesome.

For me it was denying myself for 68 years and after many different therapists and symptoms - finally stopped lying to myself.

This video was/is extraordinarily helpful to me, because without "acceptance " one can never live their truth! Thanks Dr. Z

thank you Dr Z. im almost at that point. i can feel it wash over me but i cant say it to my partner yet, or even out loud to myself quite yet... but i know that because i am scared, it means i am heading in the right direction. all the little things i have done to test the waters so-to-speak as been really affirming, and afterwords the dysphoria creeps in evermore, and i think i just have to take thd step and let the voice in my head speak a little louder. thanks again for this video. it's really insightful to want to spell this out for us and it's so so appreciated by someone who needed to be told to cut the excuses!!

I'm 56 yr old getting up the courage to start my hrt again. Love the content here just discovered and you make so much sense like your talking directly to me. Thank you!

This was the toughest thing I've ever done, accepting myself as being a woman who is transgender. It took me 36 years to accept this. Once I started, first with hrt, I knew I wanted to finish even though it is hard. For me it felt like a swim meet, it's tough and hard but the reward at the end is grand! I trust myself to build my confidence, that's what has help me. That was my first step, accepting myself🏳️‍⚧️💙💗🤍

I just started my hormones and you have been such a big help to me. I feel like this video was made just for me for right now..and btw those '15 lbs' are beautiful you are just right imho

I have accepted I'm transgender Now on to affirmation of my mind and body Thanks for the topic.

for a minute I forgot this was a video and it really seemed like you were talking to me lmao. thx so much for the advice

I’ve just got a self referral form for a gender clinic. This feels like acceptance.

Born Intersex. First "gender affirming surgery" was a week later: I-to-M. All my life people switched my assignment back and forth. I've had many different names because others decided so. Parents, teachers, schools, judges, spouse, employers... Eventually a company exposed me to chemicals that changed me from trans-male to trans-female. Now I am female, womanly, and midline feminine. I am a very different person now than every before. -> To accept myself I need to get to know this new verson of me. It's taking a long time to do, especially because this latest switch-up left me in poverty. . No More Switch-Up! I want to stay the same way for the rest of my life. However I am now, I will learn to accept. But I can only do that if they let me stay the same! I like how I am now. I liked how I was before. I liked all the way people made me be. Just... Can I please stay how I am now? Please?!

Great talk, Doc. I get it. With acceptance comes choice (I would add peace as well). Great earrings, by the way.

Hi to everyone At age 40yrs I finally had my inner revelation and came to the acceptance to the fact that I Am transgender, it was a huge eye opening experience and its given me a great sense of inner peace. I was and still am going through the process of counselling, and it wasn't abd isn't about anything to do with my gender issues, however going through that counselling, helped to free my mind to come to that realisation Ann acceptance and since them it's been empowering and has impart fuelled me along my path of transitioning. Since then I've had two really bad down days with my depression in 5 and a half months, that's a big deal for me and really reflects as to how much to me personally that taking the steps to transition is the right thing and the right direction for me to go in my future life. I don't know if this will be of any help to anyone else, but at the least I felt it was worthwhile sharing. Love n peace to all

Another useful, interesting, clear fantastic video. The best psychological resource for transgender and not only. Many, many thanks to you, Dr. Z.

Hey Dr Z! Thank you for another helpful and necessary video. Self-acceptance is pivotal. The biggest issue for me was learning to not only accept who I am, but accept that I need to go out and interact in society as myself as well. Please don’t misconstrue this, I don’t mean like wear obviously feminine clothes/makeup etc. I mean like accepting who you are with like doctors, family, or any societal places that ask about your identity

Thank you Dr Z! Thank you once again for the great content as always! I've just started my transition again after a year of denying who I am but Im back on HRT and I'm getting better slowly. Ive neglected myself badly, denying myself the opportunity to live authentically, which has brought me to my knees once again. I've made some very poor decisions as a result of my mental health and I'm so done with bullshitting myself and the people around me. I'm tired but super excited for the road ahead. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today but it's also a process self awareness, being brutally honest and willing to make changes in my life. I've finally made this decision to do the right thing for me and me alone. It's amazing how HRT has already started lifting my depression!! I'm positive about the future and the road ahead. I'm not in the financial possession to see a therapist currently, so these videos have been truly life saving!

Firstly thankyou for caring. Accepting who I am, mtf, non-binary, did take 45 years. I have to admit that accepting who I am came after I acknowledged to myself what I wanted, needed, desired, dreamed of for so many years. I feel that I was not able to accept 'me' until I had acknowledged to myself that I was not complete as I was. Until I acknowledged that I needed more, I was able to accept the 'me' that I am now. Thanks for your insights.

You "own" the precise Edna look. So chic!! Was Edna a caricature of Edith Head?

After accepting my truth, I was able to complete educational goals. I have a very great job that I love doing, and I’m able to get back to the community I was once afraid of. Step in to your own truth, and make a difference!

Another very good video! There are many ways over my life that acceptance has evolved or 'matured' for me over time to the type of true, healthy acceptance you describe. One still ongoing for me I joke but do use it to 'trick' me into feeling better is about my age (49 and holding!, the age I returned to interacting with other trans folks after a 14 year hiatus.) I will soon be 62 and plan to legally and socially transition this year. Still, my age, as a number, bothers me and can get me depressed if I let it. Instead I try to concentrate on the positive aspects of my health and how I can maintain and improve them. And I take anyone's positive assessment of my age as a positive. Many times I think this perception of others of me is based on my positive attitude but I shouldn't deny trying to live a healthy lifestyle brings positive physical benefits to how I look and feel. Hugs! Christie :)

Thank you DR Z, after watching a couple of your videos at the age of 63 I have started to dress in what make me comfortable. I am still in the closet as you said the older you are the harder it is to come out. I recently bought a breast plate and I am amazed that I love the weight and feel of it. I figured it would be uncomfortable but some how the weight of it just feel correct to me. I am very happy. I am going to continue this journey and who know maybe some day I will come out of the closet.

Hi DR. Z Hope you like my new profile pic! 😘love what you do for us.

For me, acceptance was tricky but I worked through it by using an online LGBT+ counselling service from the day of my gender crisis which also encouraged daily diary practices. I can't say there was any specific methodology or mentality that made it easier but I can say I have always tried to live by "Unto thine own self be true" as Wiilliam Shakespeare once put it.

Thank you for your many kindnesses.

Omg Dr. Z we are on the same wave link today and good morning. I was just thinking here to myself about how recently and I think I told you but how recently like just a few months ago how I came out to my wife and adult children about my being a trans female and this has really freed my spirit and how I am now on my journey to becoming who I am on the inside to match what I look like on the outside and how liberating this has made my life. What is a bit confusing is why now do I feel like I can tell everyone I know and that I want to tell everyone I know no matter the consequences why is that because I am now in my mid fifties and I am so frustrated with myself that I never started this way back and the life that I built now has all got to change to match the way i feel inside. Does this make sense or am I just being stupid and shallow? Thanks for all you do.

This is a fantastic question what is acceptance of your transgender identity. I know for everyone it's different for me is was making the decision to finally come out and not spending any more time making excuses and reasons to move forward. It's become a lot more easier to keep progress going. I gained enough confidence where I don't whisper I'm trans I tell people with confidence and explain if need be. Love these latest video topics it really helps put my journey into perspective! ❤️💯

I think I really needed this video right now. I'm still working on accepting myself. In particular, it's difficult to accept that I always have a shadow on my face. I hate that it's there, but it's a part of me. While I know eventually I will have laser hair removal done, until then, this shadow is here, and it's a part of me. I'm slowly learning to accept it, but it's tough. Thank you Dr Z. You've let me see a different point of view that I think, I hope, will be helpful. 💖 -Ava

I have found that my friends accept me more easily that I accept myself. It was a strange experience coming out to them because they all just said something along the lines of “OK, so you’re trans…whatever you want, it’s your life…” This was great from a human relationship perspective, but it left me with loads of questions and self-questioning. It all seemed too easy! More recently, a few friends/people have told me that I need to “assume” myself (it’s a French term). I’m far from feminine and far from where I want to be, even though I don’t have a particular end goal. I guess my point is, I struggle more with myself more than other close friends struggle to accept me, and that feels weird.

Thank you. That was very helpful

Very helpful.I love rhe concept.

Love your video!!!! i have doubted who i am every day, some days i think its right, and others days i question why am i doing this.

Hi Doc Z. Just to say Im feeling like King Canute trying to command the tide of testosterone to stop and of course it doesnt cos - have a double problem which made this vid helpful as Im severely disabled with ME since a awful relapse in May which came just six months after a joyful discovery that I am trans and meams I cant move anywhere, bedridden 24/24/7. I went back into the closet to survive, and just this last two weeks have felt well enough to come out again. I think you have to be right that I try not to disempower myself by the combined feelings of gender dysphoria and despair of recovery. I guess everyone suffers their own Canute problem, and the thing is maybe there is some way forward. Even just saying, hey, I am trans, and you know what, my life isnt a failure, I dont wanna go back to the womb and there is somewhere to go now even if its not physical. I made a audio from Word which says "Philipppa, what a lovely name! What a beautiful girl you are Philippa..." all the affirming things you get as kids which I missed out on, and even tho its a computer voice, Im beginning to agree! Thanks for your Wisdom and experience. I will be doing some catch up in order. Bye for now ♡♡♡

Thank you Dr. Z. I’m almost 78 years old and it has taken me a very long time to accept that I am transgender M to F. My stress level went down as I moved toward acceptance. I’m slowly moving out of the closet and into a more fulfilling life.

I love this video! I just need to come out!

You are amazing though. It's true. 🤗 -I've always known I was A female. , A girl. For real I rememberI asking my mom when I was 4 "How come I'm not a girl?" I do not have a very understanding or accepting family, sadly. So I REALLY appreciate listening and hearing you 😊😊 -Hayden Dakota , Not Jordon.

once again thanks for your knowledge.Im trying to accept myself and be content and progress to the next challenge.Like you say its sometimes 3steps forward one step back,Im just taking it slo so i can make good positive decisions in the future.

Hey Doc, I'm a 34 year old autistic male and recently and rather unexpectedly broke through the barrier into accepting I'm trans after at least a decade of denial and coping. A live streamer I was watching listed some lesser known symptoms and chipping mechanisms, and may as well have been describing my life story. It presents differently in autistics, especially when we come from substandard upbringings. Autistics should not grow up in America. I'm hoping to start HRT this summer, after losing about 80 pounds and working with a therapist to drop some baggage. I've wanted a female body for a very long time, and have a lifetime of issues to settle first. I'd like to transition as quickly as is responsible. Ice wasted about half my life expectancy in a body I strongly dislike. I'm an engineer, I'm accustomed to long painful projects with no guarantee of exemplary results. Transition doesn't sound as bad as engineering school.

Thank you Edna

I am struggling. I feel it is unfair. I have to go through really humiliating process to be me. And even then, so many people are a threat or not accepting. I have not found any good perks on being trans. I tried so hard for 40 years to not start the process, bc I knew how it would be. I just can't live the lie anymore. People who say being trans is a choice, would do me a favour and point out how I could actually make that choice to the other side. I do not want to be trans. At all.

I have a transgender daughter who came out to the family recently and is about to celebrate a major birthday. I accept her the way she is, but struggle with reconciling the past with the present/future. I made a joke (like I do every birthday) along the lines of: Dad needs to get me a gift for your birthday because labor with you was so tough!" and she said that made her feel uncomfortable. I've basically re-written history and describe our past experiences with her as "she": like "Remember when she went with us to Disney... " etc. Clearly this is still difficult for her, she's taken down all pictures she had of things she used to do with us as a family. How do I help her and our family to link the past and the present? What about all those things I used to do to comfort her as a child? Now, as she's emerging into adulthood, I want her to be able to use those memories as a resource to comfort herself when she is struggling, but instead they seem to cause her pain. Is this part of all of us still not fully accepting her trans identity?

What got me out of denial was finally researching what surgery results would actually be like. Before, I always started researching but never finished with a concrete answer, just stopped and postponed it, because I was simply too scared that surgery results would not be enough to help me either, and then I would be stuck with no choices. I still feel like its not optimal, but for me personally will be a vast improvement that is worth it to me. Especially after seeing how much weight I put into this factor to make my decision. It also took me a while to adjust to that new vision of me, when I knew myself to look and act and even feel the opposite for so long. Thanks for the video, acceptance can be hard, but for me it was also like regaining a part of myself, almost like soul retrieval. And good luck with the damn 15 pounds, Im sure its 14 by now!

Great Video DR Z! What I can't accept are all of these anti-trans laws coming into existence.

im nonbinary (ftnb) and i feel so like yk suffocated bc i want to just say that im a girl but i know deep down that its a lie, but the thing this i cant explain the truth i cant explain why i am like this but this video kinda helped me figure it out and accept it more rather than deny it

Love your channel ❤

Love your hair!

Until recently, I had told myself that I'm nonbinary, I can't possibly be trans because I accept I was born female. It always felt bad to say that. It wasn't until I confronted myself as to why I was jealous of the people in a transgender meet-up group who were able to live as their true gender. I used the stream-of-consciousness writing method to force myself to confront my feelings around that jealousy. That forced me to confront my own views of my gender and reassess why I've always had that dysphoria surrounding being born female and its association with my nonbinary identity. It led me to realise that it doesn't matter what I was born as it doesn't define who I am in reality. I am a man. End of story. It's such a different mindset to be in. It feels freeing. I felt the need to justify being born female while presenting as a Very masculine nonbinary person. I don't feel that need to justify my existence anywhere near as much. It's messed with my dysphoria something bad, but that is treatable. I don't have that hopeless feeling I had when I was lying to myself now.

I accepted that am a trans girl 100% nd i love my inner girl living in my soul waiting to come out to the world but when i look at my masculine features i get so depressed and i keep cursing my self and thinking am afraid i won't be beautiful or sexy or or etc when i transition so disphoria keeps beating me every time and it's so frustrating and trying and i hope i would win against disphoria one day and 4ever 💜💜

When I look at the evidence, I accept I am trans. Now, my challenge is what to do about it. I am in transition over a year now with HRT. What should I do next? Do I have the courage and support for surgery? Will it make a difference? If I really cannot ever be passable or find a partner, what is the point of taking next steps? Am I too old? Will it help my dysphoria to take these steps? Will my life be better? Will I have to sacrifice good things in my life I now have? I love the changes from the HRT. It was not hard for me to know it was right for me. But, what I do now is the challenge. I suppose what I am saying here, yes acceptance is a beginning. However, there are other challenges that you face as a trans person. I am facing them. I feel my dealing with them is not a choice. I keep thinking it will get better and maybe my transness, whatever that means, will go away. Most professionals say it will not. It has been with me for years, though very repressed at times. The transphobia out in the world makes it even harder. There are experts, at least according to their credentials, who say I can live with my dysphoria, be a man, and have a good life. You are just deluded to think you are a woman. You were born a man. You can never truly transition. It is all some kind of sexual fetish - autogynephelia. Just look at all the detransitioners out there. Get on with your life! In the end, you must trust yourself. I am trans. I want to be a woman. Deep inside I am one. It is not easy - at least for me.

I'm a transgender woman, an I need help because I'm suffering for not feeling grounded in my body. I have so much to learn and explore of myself as a woman, because despite knowing this for 2 years, I just starting my journey. I accept to love myself and letting me be who I'm, despite everything and anyone who can go or stay with me. I'm also accepting that I don't need and can't do this alone, I'll need support and qualified help. I'm accepting that I'm a little girl that was faking herself for decades and the world still something new. I'm accepting that I'm the woman of my life, that I love me so much. I accept all the difficulties, contexts and my fragilities. I accepting work to accept myself everyday, in each detail and take care of this person. I love myself to this point. I accept myself.

Hi Dr. Z, I love your videos you are so helpful to so many people, I wish I could do the same. When I finally accepted being a trans woman it was partially due to the dysphoria I was feeling, and I thought to myself this is not how I want to live my life with the pain of not being my true self by hiding everyday and having that woman’s(me) voice in my head constantly say how she wished she looked as good as that woman over there or how she would say how much she loved that outfit and how much she really wanted to wear it and feel beautiful and accepted by others in how beautiful she looked and felt in her body and clothing. So I decided enough is enough I am going to be my true self and if others can’t accept this or feel uncomfortable about this then that is their problem not mine. I am a good person I am a kind person I am a trusting person I am not a violent person I am a person of value to society and I contribute to that society in my own way just like everyone else and this is how I came to accept myself as being a beautiful trans woman and will be for the rest of my life and I am not afraid to lose some friend or even family along the way because of their narrow mindedness because I know that there are people out there who are not afraid of us and who are good people and good people to know such as yourself that will help me with my struggles and victories for the rest of my days. So I hope this helps other trans and non binary folks out there who are questioning what they should do or if they are not accepting of themselves just know there are people who genuinely care about us. Thanks again I needed that. Take care everybody. Your friend Martina

I've been working on acceptance for about 5 years. I feel like I'm coming to the end of that stage. I think time was super helpful for me, taking time to make sure the feelings didn't go away. They didn't. Im now taking the steps to talk to people to see what their perspective is on the steps i wanna take. I have like 3 different ways at the least i could go about it. Quick as possible. My preference lol Medium speed. Or the same pace I've been at. Please no.

I like this definition because its cuts through the BS. It is important to get real issue of who you are. Most of the time this when dealing this issue it comes down two questions. How do you feel about your identity? and how your identity effects others ( translation inner game vs outer game) Your feelings about who you are is just as important as you represent your identity because it sets the tone on how you function in daily life and the people you allow to embrace that identity.

I wish that it had been easy for me, but I needed a kick in the pants. I married someone who knew that I was transgender and had as grim of a view point about it as I did. He chose to use it as justification to abuse me. It was a terrifying experience. The truth is that I was also mistreating myself, but I couldn’t see it. My reality with him forced me to make a choice, and I chose myself. Once I accepted that I am transgender and deserve to be treated with respect, I started treating myself with respect too. In a weird way, even though it may take years to recover from what I went through, I can see how it helped me. It forced me to actually look at myself.

Self-acceptance is more about a process rather than something to arrive at.

Your Amazing! This really helps and is exactly what my therapist is working with me on and Drs too. Accepting it and being happy celebrating that I can be her etc….

I think I would be able to accept my situation as m2f trans woman the moment my ID changes, the moment I don't have to discuss it with people I meet in my daily life, when transgender subjects don't pop up in random conversations, especially with people in my country, Serbia, looking at trans people as if we're cows with two heads.

Thank you! Your videos are always helpful.

I just gave up to the fact Ive always wanted and will always want to be a woman and I cant keep running away from it repressing it and acting like that is not a part of who I am

I have been hesitant to come out to some people. I don't know why, but it just didn't happen. I make the excuse that they don't need to know. My little brother helped with that excuse by saying "we come out to solidify it for ourselves". Yes, it's more for me and I decided they don't need to know. Well guess who is still in denial.

For me it is very Hard to acceppt, how people react. I am on Hormonen since 20 years and post op since 17 years. I am still visibile and people disturbe my peace i have inside every day and this in the end makes me insecure, and it affects every Part in my life. I already had ffs and many other sugery, i dont know how to handle

I'm just trying to get started and find a local therapist to help me

My accemptance came with a terrifying assumption that being trans meant crippling dysphoria and inevitable HRT. Not gonna lie, I still kind of want transitioning, but for a security focused individual, dysphoria and the risk of not passing felt like an end to my whole life

You can accept that you are anything you want to be. Perhaps the question should be how will others except your reality?

I transitioned (socially and medically) over a decade ago yet acceptance…remains elusive. I obviously accepted I was transgender to a point, because I did eventually transition (though even that took me 10 years of therapy and reflection to get to). I don’t want to minimize that acceptance - but it wasn’t radical acceptance of my identity - it’s VERY conditional, and that’s where I get stuck. After 20+ years of attempting to accept the reality of my gender, I’ve started to wonder if perhaps it would be a better use of my time and energy to accept that I may never find self-acceptance.

I am trans cause i accept it . Because i am mulitple personality one is female. And is a major contribitor in my. Life . My male self is asexual. Michelle is my female self . But she like being female and active . The major thing is acceptance of her. And her likes and wants . My therapist. Says this puts me under the trans umbrella

I've really struggled with excitement, so this was very helpful for me , I've only been diagnosed with gender dysphoria for a year now at the age of 42 , my dysphoria really took hold after denial for far to long because I wouldn't expect it , I seeked help when I came far to close to suicide, but I can honestly say I still struggle with excepting that how I am even now, despite changing my name and title, and buying clothes, and so on , even now I think to myself do I where makeup today or not , well I haven't so I guess that means I still haven't excepted myself, I don't think it helps that I'm still with my wife, which isn't the problem in it's self but her son is very anti about me wearing the clothes that I feel comfortable wearing, so I can only be me if I go out, I'm sure I'm not alone in this situation though

Acceptance is still baffling me , I can find a coping mechanism then say i accept my gender identity , but then acceptance itself is making me dysphoric, because i think if i could accept that my body is mismatched then why bother with hrt and grs !? For me it's all about finding a coping mechanism which i still haven't.

I accept I am trans, after purging 3 times and just ending up replacing my fem clothes ,wigs, makeup, breast forms I had to accept the fact or go broke$$$

Is it normal to still not having accepted of being transgender mtf after a whole year of HRT? I find myself hating to be this way. I see it as a curse and everything that my therapist tells me just does not reach me. I struggle with depression and I convinced myself that I will always be depressed and miserable. Detransition is not an option but going on looks impossible as well 😞

The horrible news is I have CPTSD. The good news is i have CPTSD. Its horrible having a condition that comes from repeated trauma, abuse and neglect. But after working on it for years, the good news is it makes figuring out you are trans easier. Not easy. Just easier. The thought of me being female floated around me my entire life despite the traumatic amnesia. The thought of me being trans was never entertained. Men are men and thats it! Sigh. Having recovered memories and that part of myself proving to me I am trans has been difficult to say the least. But thanks to my training and tools I developed in my trauma therapy, i have accepted I am a trans woman. Now, what I'm going to do about that is yet to come. As an atheist, I rely on facts and evidence, not superstition. The facts and evidence show that trans people issues are real and valid. So i can take that path if the evidence of me shows that is the path to take. It means suffering either way. But if what my mind tells me is true, the suffering on the trans path is not lifelong and joy waits on the other side. Strangely enough as a trans woman lesbian. Right now nothing fires up the joy circuits in my brain than being a trans woman in love with another woman living a simple life. If feels like heaven. I have yet to figure this out though. Facts and evidence.

So true ❤

Still struggling with it.

I realized that I was fighting a lot about being transgender but those all were excuses like, it's just a fetish, it's something delusional, it's something I'm making up in my mind, I'm just being ridiculous, my gender dysphoria is already gone, I don't need to transition even though I've suffered a lot of depressions in my life and anxiety, yeah, it makes me happy to think about myself that way but it's wrong, I just wanna hurt myself and so on so. I realized that no matter how great was the idea I created it never took me anywhere and the only idea that made sense was that I was actually transgender so I decided that I was gonna stop fighting with those thoughts and it worked! It's not that they don't come up to my mind from time to time, it's just that I decide not to fight with my reality.

sometimes I feel I have accepted and when times are thougts I wish I could not be trans.

Its been a long time coming. But now I do accept that I am transgender. To be frank, I'm more concerned about having safe sex than looking this way or that. I look like a man now, always have. Now it's just a question of finding a man that accepts me just as I am. But then...

the comparison between transgenderism and being overweight is I think flawed. For many (not for all, I was one of the exceptions) people who are overweight there is a rather simple solution to their being overweight, and that's a change of diet (and NOT to the 'standard diet' which was the reason many of those people ended up overweight in the first place), for the rest it takes medication as well as a change in diet. For me, I was morbidly obese (at 120+lbs overweight, the size of a small adult woman in extra body weight) but no amount of dieting was able to budge that (and I tried, from protein shakes to starvation diets, and everything in between, under medical supervision too). It wasn't until I got a big change in medication as well as a radical elimination diet (which had me discover ALL of my various food allergies, not just the obvious ones) that not only did my weight started coming down but even before that the underlying reason for that weight, chronic liver and bowel inflammation, also went away. Acceptance of being overweight then end up as accepting that you have to find a way to STOP being overweight. If acceptance of being transgender were easily to lead to way to STOP being transgender you'd be out of a job, and there'd be a lot fewer transgender people in the world (including those of us still "in the closet"). What made me accept that I'm transgender, rather than realise but reject the concept, was interacting with actual, normal, kind, transgender people, giving me the assurance that no, we're not the freaks and perverts we're so often portrayed and considered to be by the world at large (and I'm sure there are some transgender people like that, just as there are some 'normally' gendered people like that, but they're a minority as well). When THAT realisation hit me was when I could accept the reality of what I knew deep down for over a decade that I was (and for longer than that would have known if I'd had the language to express it beyond "I am different and don't fit in with the boys"). I think that power of finding people like you, finding out that you're not alone, that the person next to you may (also) be transgender and you would never know unless they told you, THAT is the most powerful factor towards acceptance of all. And it's not just a powerful factor towards accepting yourself as transgender, it'd also be a massively powerful factor for society as a whole to accept transgender people as normal people rather than the freaks and perverts we're still commonly portrayed to be (MTV drag shows, I'm thinking of you among others).

It's very hard to accept being ftm transgendered when you were thought how wrong it is.

I agree with much of what you say, but as a Buddhist practitioner, our language is essentially empty of alleviating our suffering. Rather, if you want, need to call me transgender, that fines, I suppose I am, but really we're all just people. I know if asked in a binary position I will say I am female, and yes I am transgender, but so what? All females have adjectives that can define or give us definitions by others in oppositional relation to other women. But it's really up to us how much we let it cause us suffering or discomfort-stress. At this point, if you want to see me as a freak or something to fear, it's sad, but that's your choice, not mine, I've got better things to be in the moment about, but, will keep my ears, mind, heart open to you if you want to learn-understand that I like you are just a human being seeking happiness and contentment not wanting to suffer too. all women are women just as all men are men and even those who go I'm neither or both, fine, but we're all human beings, and we can either get caught up in these details or go okay, I accept that about you, I accept this about myself, can you just respect me and ill respect you so we can all feel safe for whom we are as people? There is something I read about screaming at the weather, scream at what you can not control or do anything about isn't wise, but, instead, focus on what you can do to make the condition not cause you to suffer, sometimes that's personal acceptance, other times it's going okay cold day thankfully I've got a coat to make the weather not cause me to suffer in the present that might not be what I'd like but it will pass. We need to figure out how to have coats or accept and learn not to get stuck on what we don't like but accept and understand it as is and let it pass as the weather but also accept it and smile at it and go okay I see your problem thank you for being something I need to learn on to make me a better person not just for my self but for others as well. A final thought, recently in dokusan, I told my teacher, after sitting in Zanzen for 6 hours, I said Roshi, my back hurts, and she said, yes, but sometimes you have to be great and accept that suffering girl. And, I went yes I do, but that doesn't mean I have to suffer or be in pain, but, I know of exercise to help alleviate that problem and if I don't want as much pain then I need to make it a priority for me to go okay what might seem nice but isn't really helping me in my practice? And then make time for what matters so when sitting I don't have that pain and can focus on my practice instead? No, this body won't last, but like a tooth that is in pain, detracting from other thoughts and feelings when in pain, you cannot ignore it, but have to deal with it. My body will rot eventually, grow old, but I know I am glad I made the choice to stop hiding, take off my costume, stop being someone I wasn't, and I am glad to just be another female, all females, their definitions-adjectives give them unique special experiences that make us both individuals yet since we all have these experiences we can find commonality too. We can choose to let these seemingly different experiences divide us, create disunion or go hey I've not experienced that but I have experienced this which is sort of similar just like you, and find common ground for not just others but for everyone to feel more accepted as whom they are as they are. But if you want to change then accept that and do something about it accept that it will take time but if your heart and mind are in it you make those changes. Either way, find a way to accept as you are or accept that you want to change but do it for yourself so you can be better for others whom you share this time with and also be supportive of those around you cause they are just like you. There was a woman whose child died, she went to the buddha and asked him to kill her, to let her die. The Buddha said Okay! but first, you've got to do one thing for me. Take these grains of rice, and find ten people who have never suffered at all, who have never had to experience loss or grief, even its as small as losing their favorite toy or not getting the coffee they want to cause their out of it at the cafe for just one day. And if you can do that, when you come back empty-handed, I'll let you die. Many years later the buddha is out walking and runs into her, but she is happy and hands him the grains of rice back. And, she found out that everyone suffers, everyone has something wrong with them, but instead of running from she found that no one is free from suffering or displeasure, that instead, we need to understand it, stop fighting it and accept it but neither to get stuck in it cause there is still much to do, still much to enjoy, but its how we understand ourselves and see that others have just as many faults as we do, just as much suffering, even if they hide it no one is free a life filled with suffering, accept it, we're all imperfectly perfect as we are, and it's only when we don't then we cause our own problems at not realizing this truth. sincerely with lots to you all. Annae Marie Williams. :)

Accept your gender identity. That's easy to say but hard to do especially if you're a senior citizen who grew up at a time when all things trans were considered perversions and the subject was taboo.