Addressing The Myths About Abusive Relationships w/Illymation | Kati Morton 

illymation I’m commenting as I go. I rationalized it as well. I was emotionally physically and mentally abused. They are all different. It took a huge event to get me to leave.

illymation it is a cycle never really knew how to make people understand it more.

Thank you for telling us your stories! Opening up about certain topics are HARD. I just wanted to add that a victim tries to justify the abuser too. And denies what is happening. I've been abused mentally and physically too and I always tried to deny. Like it didn't happen. And hoped if I do that then it won't happen again. It's just a one time thing etc. I was a kid so.... It's hard to get over that. It wasn't the most terrible... I mean I wasn't raped or beaten or anything like that. But still it's impossible for me to move on and forget and forgive. What happened to me 15 years ago still affects me now. I feel stuck. He ruined my life. Anyways. Thanks again!!

Awe of course!! So wonderful to work with you on these videos and important content :) xoxo

@@marlee7389 I hope time will help you cope and heal! Keep your head up and get the help you deserve.

I am so sorry you had to go through this. Unfortunately not many people know about asexuality or refuse to respect it :( Hope you are in a better place now!

Kurakaji ditto. My marriage is currently ending because we’re not sexually comparable. My spouse and I get along so great that people don’t understand why we’re splitting up even after I tell them

My ex-husband did exactly that too. *hugs* I’m sorry.

Totally rubbish. I’ve had closer more loving moments without sex and I’m not asexual. Sex doesn’t mean love. It can be a way to express it but most of the time it isn’t lol x

Sex is ONE way to show love, especially when the person takes consideration of your likes and dislikes in the bedroom, but it is most certainly NOT the only way. No one should force someone else to do that. I don't consider myself asexual, but I refuse to ever be in a relationship, have sex or have kids. I've dealt with many guys before who don't stop pressuring me to like them back for that reason. It sucks.

💖 💔 💚 💞 🖤 💗 💜 💓 🤍 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 💕 💛 💘 🤎 💟 💝 💙 🧡 🫀 ❤️

Don't give yourself too hard a time 💜💜💜

Hope your doing better now

Raja, I know exactly what you are talking about. I was emotionally abused at my first job. It was awful. And it was a few women who abused me.

True, not saying you’re wrong, any emotional abuse.

Ya Brittney spears also

Gracie Crisp honestly same

Know that it's okay to miss them and take the time you need to grieve that loss. I hope this video and others on this topic are helpful :) xoxo

Hang in there! Just remember, it ended for a reason

@@jessicam7938 I know what you mean. I'm going through the same thing. I left my ex a little over a month ago, and while I'm nursing a broken heart and doing my best to get better, he's dating four other women. Well, four that I know of. That number could be higher now for all I know.

Guiding Echoes aw im so sorry to hear that..❤️The only thing I’ve learned from this experience is to spread awareness. To educate, preventing the same harm to others. .. or help anyone who is going through the same thing. Im glad your out of the toxic relationship, be proud of yourself for letting go,. You weren’t meant to be with him and your worth so much more ❤️❤️❤️ know your worth

Remember that you can work to get the old you. From what I understand you got out of it. That means that you are strong. Remember it. And your strength will come back.

sivaranjani I'm so sorry I hope you're better now and either have someone or will find someone else that's nice and is understanding to what you've been through. You deserve happiness don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.❤️

I just want to thank you for mentioning this, because I dont think people truly understand how much that level of exposure to toxicity changes the victim. I left my ex when I realized I had become a worse person for being around her, and she used it to manipulate me into staying with her, until one day I had had enough. Since then Im working hard to change back into a person whose company I enjoy and whom I can be proud of. The new SO does a great job building me back up too. But really, Im just grateful for your comment and perspective. I hope youre doing better and situations are better for you. Make good choices!

Beautifully said. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's happened to me too. I'm getting to the point where I want little to no human or animal interaction or connection. I would listen to so many introverts and people who have lived through neglect and trauma talk about just wanting and preferring to be alone.. I never thought that would be me because I'm an ambivert and genuinely enjoy hanging out and helping others, but now.. I'm getting filled with this... Idk anger and despair that I can't shake off like before. An I'm getting used to, even a little addicted to being alone. Yet, I know it's harmful. My thoughts and worldview are changing too. An most of all I can't get past how unfair situations and experiences like this are: Someone harmed ME, but I have to do ALL THE WORK TO GET BETTER!!! Virtually alone.... An I just have to tell myself it is what it is.. an that's all the positivity most people can offer me.

@@ayemiksenoj5254wow I feel this so much, I hope you found someone to listen to you and validate your experiences, and I hope you’re doing much better.

^My older brother's been abused by women multiple times. Society says this doesn't happen. When he went to court, the female judge ruled in the woman's favour. Is it surprising that I become very suspicious when young women show any sort of interest in me?

One year ago. My ex girlfriend did the same thing. I was emotional, physical, sexual and financial abused. One day we came home. I didn't trust her anymore. She wanted to have sex. I didn't. So she raped me. Men can also be raped. Even in relationship. My family did everything to get rid of her. I really want to have a new relationship with a young women. But to be honest. I'm still a bit afraid. And I don't now where to look for meeting new people anymore.

@@dinobot159 As someone who has also been sexually, mentally and physically abused by an ex, my heart goes out to you. Men absolutely do get abused too and your experience is just as valid as mine (I'm a woman). I'm sorry that you went through that, and I hope that you have some people in your life who you can talk to about it and who support you wholeheartedly. Never forget to be patient and kind to yourself when it comes to healing, and if you're still afraid to get back into the swing of meeting people then take your time with it. Much love and light to you.

@@cursedcookies Thank you very much. Next month I'm going to see a psychologist. I'm still a bit afraid to meet women. If I speak to a woman. I'm completely closed. Unconsciously I push them off from me. Must I speak to them about my experience?

dinobot159 I'm really glad that you're seeking help for yourself, sometimes it can be the hardest thing to do when we just feel like we're drowning under all the pain and memories from trauma. There's definitely nothing wrong with taking the whole process slow and getting to know your therapist before you start delving into the really painful things. They're there to help and they know that opening up takes time and trust. When you find a therapist that you feel comfortable with, it makes things a bit easier to share, so don't give up if the experience ends up not going the way you'd hoped initially, or if you get overwhelmed. Also as far as I know, depending on the availavility of the staff at the clinic you choose, you should be able to request the gender of the therapist you would like to speak with. If you would feel more comfortable speaking to a male therapist then make sure to let them know that when you schedule an appointment. Take everything at your own pace, be kind to yourself and know you are worthy. I hope it all works out for you :)

I'm no professional, so you can just ignore me, but I just wanted to say a word or two. First, as someone who is very self-aware, socially anxious, and as someone who wanted to meet people's expectations, I really experienced how... harmfully useless it can be, if I can phrase it that way. The past year has been just full of nothingness for me because of those issues. You are allowed to take care of yourself. You are allowed to ask for help. If people have expectations that you just can't meet, you're not at fault for not meeting them. If people have reasonable expectations, but you can't meet them for the time being, take your time, because if you try when you can't, you just won't. You're allowed to say "Right now, I can't do that; remind me later and we'll see then." or "What you're asking from me is too much". Or you can have expectations for yourself, and... again, allow yourself to take the time to take care of yourself. You can't meet your expectations if you... can't meet them. That's that. You kinda have to accept it, even though it might be difficult. In my case, it was mostly stuff that I could resume later on in my life, but maybe you'll have to give up on something... but if you have to, well, you have to. You as a person is more important than expectations or projects or anything like that. And I know it can be difficult to admit; it took me a whole year to do so. If you're not ready to talk about it to your family, as you think you might feel unnecessary pressure from them afterwards, that's fine, so long as you can reach to someone; a therapist if possible, in your case, because eating disorders are pretty nasty (you can also go see JaidenAnimations who talked about her experience with it as well, in her video "Why I Don't Have a Face Reveal", as well as her video on anxiety; she even did a song with Boyinaband, of which there is a Behind the scenes on his channel where she talks more about her experience). But again, I think nobody should be expecting from you more than you can meet at the moment. Maybe your therapist could explain your situation to them as well. Mine did; he explained some things related to autism to my parents (oh yeah, didn't mention I have autism, did I?). That's a possible avenue. As for criticism, I think that, so long as it's respectful and constructive, you should consider it. However, when it comes to self image, above everything else, you don't owe anybody anything on that level. Your body is yours, not theirs. So long as you're healthy, the rest shouldn't matter. Buuuut then again, I know it's difficult to convince yourself of that, as someone who also struggled and still struggles a little bit with self-image (a big part of my social anxiety comes from that). You just have to repeat to yourself that : 1. It doesn't matter what strangers think of you; they'll probably forget you in 5 minutes anyway; 2. People who know you know that you're more than just a body or a face; 3. People like and can be attracted to all kinds of bodies and faces (if you are concerned about such things) 4. Above anyone, YOU shouldn't judge yourself too hard; if your criticizing yourself in a constructive way, if you are thinking of ways to improve yourself, that's good, but if it's just to tell yourself you're a failure or anything like that, that's the kind of thoughts you have to put to trash. Needless to say, it goes the same for anybody else who's going to hard on you (yes, I'm telling you to put them to trash, especially if it's recurring). Constructive criticism is good; judging and insulting and shit like that are bad. Nobody is perfect; having shitty thoughts happens to everyone, so don't blame yourself either if you have them. Just repeat to yourself that it's not true, that you have qualities, that you can improve yourself, etc. when that kind of negative thoughts about yourself come in. And if it's another person who's talking shit, you can call them on it. I'm the kind of person who likes being sarcastic, so if you like that too, you can always respond to an offensive person "Hey, how nice of you to say that" or something in the like. No pity for people who just insult you; call them on their bullshit all you want and make fun of them. Again, I'm not a professional, those are just thoughts from a random person. You can, again, completely ignore me if you want. I just hope some things can help you.

Aw dude I hope things get better. At least you got out of that abusive relationship! And I'm sure an absolutely gorgeous person! Hope all is well ^^

i may be male, but my mind must expand about abuse anyways, not nly for my own protection, but so hopefully if i end up being manipulative without realizing i can stop

Once a guy whom I don’t like and ignored, tried to get my attention. He said I’m beautiful one day, and said I’m ugly the next day (I forgot in which order). And I thought how can my appearance changes in one day? It’s not like some mask ceremony performance lol Takeaway: people have different motives, they can say things about you which doesn’t relate to you

Forgiveness doesn’t apply for everyone. There are always people who have committed morally awful deeds of any kinds and lack the humility to apologise and atone their punishment before becoming better. Some people can change but some cannot because they are too arrogant to feel remorse for their actions.

That's what everyone says but honestly you can decide not to forgive someone and still not carry around hate and resentment. I think forgiveness IS for the other person, and loving yourself sometimes means not forgiving your abuser.

What you described is not forgiveness. That's just moving on.

People cope and heal in different ways! Someone might find peace in forgiving their abuser and moving on, while others find power in being allowed to be angry.

Lesleigh Walker and arguably the only way to move on is to forgive. This is what I’ve been learned from multiple mental health professionals from LPCs to psychologists & psychiatrists. I was sharing my experience and opinion. I’m not saying everyone has to act or be this way, I’m disagreed with that specific part of the video. I appreciate constructive criticism, but not condescending “you’re right, I’m wrong.” statements.

I definitely can!! I am doing a video soon about coping with change.. but I can add in another question about this too! xoxo

Kati Morton. thank you so much! i love your channel and appreciate everything you do 💜 this is something i have been dealing with for so long... i could change it, but the process would be messy and hurt a lot of people. i just want to accept it and move on. any advice would be so helpful. thanks again! 💜

@@Katimorton Thanks. I'm under attack in the business i thought i would retire on by a psychopath bent on revenge for him going to prison for shooting my neighbor which i had no part of... but he's a jailhouse lawyer now and out.

Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I am glad you are out of that relationship and are finding my videos helpful!! xoxo

Jena, I haven't myself ever been in an abusive relationship, so I definitely don't know what it's like (not that there is one uniform experience, of course). However, I just want to say that when Jesus told his followers to forgive, I don't think he meant to stay in abusive relationships. I think it is possible to both break up with someone and forgive that person by refusing to take revenge against them.

Yup. You’re totally justified. A fear of, I don’t know, eating is something that you HAVE to get over. No one HAS to go to Disneyland. Your friends can learn to deal. :)

Guiding Echoes of you ever get that itch to go there again but don’t want to risk running into your ex, there’s always Disneyland Paris! 😸❤️

i think communicating with them might help you. you could try to tell them that you’ve just gotten out of your abusive relationship and you’re not ready to start again at the moment and that you would appreciate it if they didn’t ask/talk about it when you’re around.

I tell people I've put myself on dating probation because I want to make sure I don't pick the same type of bad guy again. They may not ever understand, but you don't need them too. I support your decision to wait!

Stay strong.

I am so glad the videos have been helpful :) xoxo

Lotty SAME

lol did

ALSO i am part of a narcissistic abuse survivors group online, its a secret group, it really helped me. message me if you would like to know more about it, everyone is really kind and non judgemental

I was involved in something similar, and that part of the video jumped out at me too. He wasn't violent or name-calling (so it was hard for me to name any of it as "abuse"), but all this other stuff would happen, and later on, well... he generally wasn't sorry. Either I had perceived it all wrong/it was all in my head, or I was overreacting/oversensitive, or it was my fault and I should be apologizing to HIM, or in some other way I'd be wrong to be upset. He seemed to only be "sorry" when I was literally at the point of leaving (which was a few times, those guys are really good at talking you into staying). I also suspect NPD with him for a few reasons. Hell, that while post-fight sequence I just described is basically "the narcissist's prayer".

I am so sorry that happened :( I hope you were able to get out of that relationship safely. xoxo

I’d say yes especially if they’re doing it to get back at you.

I would “therefore” class it as not a relationship. So tell them about it see if they change. 🤔 (... or tell you the reason so see it might not be what you looking for. )

Neglect felt like abuse to me. They were withholding love, affection, and quality time. When I asked them what's going on, they lied, blamed me, and pretended the issue was resolved. They might do one thing for me to act like they've changed, but then it was followed by even worse behavior. Nasty stuff.

Yes

Janey Imaani - Emotional Awareness ck out Kati’s video on this! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-HtDIFA5KhWo.html

Faeryn Nightshade you got this!!!! 👍❤️

Katie Smith so glad you are out of that relationship and in a healthier place!

Human Person ck out Kati’s video on dealing with toxic parents! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-HfU3vliw_08.html

@@_just_TK thanks

Yay!! xoxo

The thing with frogs only works when they were lobotomised, let's not act like that.

@Gob Goblin ok

I have been trying to get my husband to leave his current job because his boss is a Narcissist, bless him, he feels obligated to stay to support me and my daughter, and unfortunately keeps dragging his feet with finding a new job. I keep telling him to and he just blows it off, almost like its easier to stay where you are familiar than challenge yourself to get what you deserve , a respectful work environment.

My abuser kept me with him for seven years with this. He seemed so well-meaning, I couldn’t believe he actually understood but just didn’t care. But the truth was, he didn’t. I’m one of the rare people who got a confession (of sorts) from my abuser. He knew what he was doing to me, but he still felt like he was justified in hurting me, because it made HIM feel better, and that was more important. All those years, his guilt had been performative, and his sadness when called out was his fear was over losing me, not his empathy for how I was being hurt.

Now I have to google ketamine infusions...

Yes yes yes!!! ☝️

It is, can you prove it happened tho? If you are socially insulated and do collect proof (which might be as dangerous as leaving )

therapy is so worth it even if it's not the best quality and just at ur school it's a million times better than nothing just to get a new perspective on your experiences

Rebecca Long it’s a process not perfection! ❤️

DaBrainFarts Kati has a couple of helpful videos on this that I’ll link below! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-1dUgELSEKGk.html ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE--JQqJfNAliw.html ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-XBJOnZ_2rCQ.html

Many people that have gone through abuse live a life where they don't hurt or abuse others because they know the damage it causes all to well and statements like this end up hurting a lot of survivors

As you can see from my statement you can be both a recovering abuser as well as still getting abuse. If you come from a sick family it’s not so cut and dry. I believe life deserves empathy at all turns.

Agree, this is my firsthand experience too.

There’s a book called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker. You can get it on Kindle, and you don’t need a special device to read Kindle books. They have apps for phones and tablets, and you can even read the books in your internet browser. You can also google “complex ptsd”, or “c-ptsd”. Complex PTSD is something you can get from sustained periods of abuse, so a lot of people have it if their parents were abusive. It might be worth it for you to look into.

How do they treat you? Do they make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe? Do you feel like you don’t want to upset them for fear of something happening? Do they belittle you? Just a few questions that might be something to consider in case you’re worried about it

I think that for most people, if you’re even questioning whether the relationship was abusive, it probably was. I’m lucky enough to have several very good friends and family, and I have never had to wonder to myself for even a moment whether they were abusive, even in bad moments. Remember also that the external reasons could be something that triggered the relationship breaking off, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have also been abusive. Maybe it acted as an interruption, and that was enough to snap something in the dynamic that meant you left, or felt like now you had enough justification to leave. If they were an abuser, maybe the external factors meant that it felt like too much work for them to continue keeping you pliable and serving their emotions, so they chose to move on. The best thing I can suggest is, just talk to more people you trust and tell them what the bad parts were like. Seeing the reactions of people who care about you can sometimes make you feel squeamish, because it brings out how bad it really was when you say it to another person. But it can also help you to see how far they were outside of treating you okay. And if you still can’t tell? That’s okay. You can still feel like they hurt you. And you can still know that you don’t have to live with that in the future.

@@RinaMinaama7 thank you! I think that if I even wonder whether or not it was, it was definitely not a great relationship...

May _ you’re welcome! I’m worry your relationship was rough! It’s possible to have a bad relationship without abuse, but it’s also possible to have a bad relationship with abusive tendencies, so it’s hard to discern the 2. I hope you’re doing alright, make sure to talk to someone you trust about it, even if it wasn’t traumatic, it’s important to work out those feelings. You got this!

Lynéa the potato ck out Kati’s video on dealing with toxic parents! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-HfU3vliw_08.html

Poo Poo it’s probably manipulation. Kati has a couple of really great videos that you may find helpful! I’ll link them below. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Ze6YB1gCDYQ.html ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-3O3ZQPezglQ.html ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-HfU3vliw_08.html ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-elXsFWURooA.html

Thanks

Alice Christ if you didn’t have a history of self harm I would say that it depends because light pinching is a good way ground yourself when you start to disassociate. However, w/ your history I would definitely say it sounds like you’re using the pain as a coping skill which definitely is a mild version of self harm. PLEASE reach out for help before it escalates! Also, Kati answered a similar question in this video! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-inCNb9skGaw.html

I am so glad :) xoxo