ADVICE: How To Boost Your Confidence And Socialize Better 

Me when I'm not socialising: "I wish I was better at talking to people" Me when I am socialising: "wow these people are fucking annoying"

At work in my urban planning department everyone wears suits and office wear, but one women always come in, in leggings and a camo hoodie, she was one of the friendliest and most confident people I've ever met. Yet one day this beacon of confidence comes up to me to talk about how nervous she is about a meeting, how awkward it will be when she has to speak, it was a mundane meeting as well, I was shocked. But it made me realise anxiety, awkwardness it's something we all experience no matter how confident. So you should never feel shameful for feeling awkward or having anxiety and the aim is to reduce the levels to were it doesn't effect your everyday.

I've been taking your advice about treating socialization like a muscle over the past few months and I've made great progress. I've been taking classes and going to game meetups and things consistently to keep seeing the same people. I used to go to 1 event at a time and put so much pressure on myself to make friends that I wouldn't go again if I didn't make a friend. I've definitely had social missteps but I'm doing well at not putting myself down.

The "give them an out" thing is my favorite social skill i've discovered. It gives me an excuse to be my authentic self at the expense of being a bit lightheartedly abrasive, while also reassuring me that if someone doesn't to talk to me i'm giving them plenty of reason not to just be "polite" for my sake. And wouldn't you know it people are generally fine with the amount of abrasive I am. Ain't that neat.

Some of the most important things with regard to learning and internalizing positive lessons, and moving on upward from depression: Non-essentialism, radical acceptance, and a sense of perspective. - Non-essentialism: The problem is not "just you". Seriously. It never is. It's not some kind of inherent deficiency or unworthiness or any of those other things depression (and conservatives) will try to insist it is. People are influenced more by environmental forces than by genetics, and there is no such thing as essential moral value that people just do or don't have. You're not inherently unlikable or undeserving or any of that shit. You're almost certainly just in a bad situation. An environment or set of circumstances that just isn't letting you reach a state of well-being. Realizing that - accepting that others aren't just inherently better than you, and more importantly that you're not inherently worse than others - is liberating. Problems in life are best reframed as "There are these things going on in my life that are making it difficult for me to be where I want to be," rather than "I'm incapable of being where I want to be." Or "I have failed, but that was that attempt, and I can try again," rather than "I am a failure and will always fail no matter how hard I try." And the former is almost always going to be objectively true unless your current problem is literally on the level of an incurable, lethal genetic disorder or terminal, late-identified cancer. You probably don't have one, but if you do, the relevant question is "How do I make the most of my time?" If you don't, it's literally not "just you," and that means you can do something about it. - Radical acceptance: Learn to be cool with where you are now. Yes. Even if it's not where you want to be. I don't mean cope - I don't mean "pretend everything is fine." You can accept what you have and still want more. In fact, that's exactly the best way to go about it. If you don't like your weight or your skillset or your job or your relationship status - rather than thinking about it as "Well, all this stuff is Bad" and going down that rabbit hole of "Well, if I can't achieve these things it's Just Because I'm Bad" again, think about it as "Well, I have this thing about myself I want to improve, but I'll take what I have for now, because I have tomorrow to work on it." No one is ever really "there" at their goals, and that means it's okay to not be "there". Just keep moving. Sense of perspective: The biggest lie depression tells you is "Things have always been this way and will always be this way." It is literally always a lie. Your depression doesn't know that and can't know that, but it says it anyway. What it's actually doing, however, is distorting your perception of memory and time. Making you forget that things were not in fact always This Way, and that it makes no goddamn sense to assume they always will, because humans can't see the future with certainty. Depression hyperfixates your mind onto a single interminably dull Now, and makes you think that gray mass of Now is all there is. But it isn't. The world doesn't stay static. You don't stay static. That's not how living organisms or time or history really work. If that were the case, you would be a popsicle at absolute zero. But you're not, and the Gray Now can become a Gray Yesterday. So don't ever buy the line that things will never change. You literally can't know that, and all the evidence you can ever find anywhere in the world will still suggest otherwise if you actually take a step back and look at it without bias. Depression is a state you experience, not a thing you Are.

I think my socializing problem falls on the fact that I’m watching Vaush trying to teach me how to socialize correctly

During my teenage years where my ethical system was forming, I deeply internalised the idea that giving up ones ego and putting their own desires aside is what makes a good person. So now I'm stuck with the incredibly strong feeling that sacrificing my happiness is something virtuous, and that I vice versa can only get what I want by harming others. Combine this with getting a better understanding of womens issues in university, and now I basically can't express any wishes without feeling like a complete monster. What you said about thinking that being overbearing is like murder is spot on. I know that I suck at anticipating other peoples feelings and reactions, so I never feel justified in doing anything that might upset someone else. Because if I hurt them, I can always tell myself "You worried about this. You thought about it, you knew this could happen, and you did it anyway, because you just don't care about others."

These are my favourite vaush segments. Please do more surrounding topics of self improvement

I just want to add to what Vaush said about having to feel hungry while dieting. The truth is that it's more complicated that that. The thing is, if you actually starve yourself during your dieting, your body is going to freak out, slow its metabolism and save as many calories as it can possibly store. You don't have to go through literal hunger while you diet, but let's be real here, our unhealthy relationship with food does not stem from being hungry, when you eat a bag of chips, you don't do it because you're hungry, you do it because you crave it. Eat nutritious and healthy meals and you don't have to be hungry and you'll lose weight.

9:17 for as corny as it sounds, it reminds me of a quote in Black Clover (manga): "Being weak is nothing to be ashamed of. Staying weak is". Trying and failing is hundered fold more admirable than not trying at all.

Has Vaush been brushing up on his Nietzsche? It’s totally possible to reach this conclusion on one’s own if they’re even a little introspective, but still, it reminds me of Nietzsche’s proclamation that most morality is just cowardice masking itself. He posited that much of Christian ethics(as Christianity was the defining paradigm of his time and place) evolved out of weakness. He called this slave morality. Lower classes simply weren’t capable of indulging in their carnal desires(ravenous sex all the time, fine food and spices, luxurious clothes etc…), so they created a system of morality which prioritized the virtues of chastity, temperance and modesty, which were opposed to the vices of lust, gluttony, and pride. In the same capacity, calling yourself an introvert as an explanation for your lack of social interaction may in reality just be an aesthetic you refer to in order to justify not doing something that scares you; ie potentially embarrassing yourself in an awkward social interaction. Sorry for wall of text. Adderall just kicked in after months without it.

The hardest part is dealing with the failures or not being conversational is becasue people like me just internalize it to the deepest possible degree and even a slight cringey moment basicly just cuts us and affects how we even value ourselves

I think also when the irrational feelings come in that, the other person must think you're a twat, think of it from another perspective, in a way that someone came up to you and did what you had done. Even if it was awkward it was awkward that's it, you'd forget about it in a few minutes. Then work on ways to improve it what would have made it less awkward for you and apply it in your next social interaction.

Remember, kids. You don't actually have to be that hungry to sustainably lose weight. As long as you consume filling whole foods, keep your energy expenditure up, maintain a reasonable caloric deficit, and trust the process, you can do it with minimal suffering. I believe in you.

I’m wrapped up in college student frat binge drinking culture, all mixed with severe anxiety and depression. I let myself go… i used to look great… But i’m finding my way back. Baby steps. I am giving up drinking for 6 months to a year to really let my medication work in combination with therapy. Rather than going out every few weekends blacking out, and feeling severe depression for 3-5 days (a major setback, that happens everytime i start to “feel better”)… It’s my hope that this is the right step to find motivation for other things such as the gym, better grades, etc. I just needed to type it out and put this intention into the world. Thanks for reading if you did.

I do think it is learning thing as well, if you do feel like this very often one way is to try and bridge that gap with mini conversation when shopping or especially at work. Not just asking what's the time, but remarking on something, short and sweet. This can then build up your confidence. I was socially awkward until a while after I got a job as a teenager, the constant social interaction with strangers. It allowed you to become more confident in the conversations you have and your ability to think off the cuff. You will still have awkward situations but they mean so much less and you have much less possibility to blame yourself.

I enjoyed this. I would also say that if you adopt this stoic path of self improvement, seeking what you authentically desire (even if you never attain it), you will always have some detractors and critics who will try to make problems for you. But if you aren’t causing real harm to others, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and should just keep going. “Haters gonna hate,” and often do because they are also afraid of their desires and want to bring you down a peg to make themselves feel less inadequate.

I constantly deal with anxiety around social situations.

Sometimes chat's chronic contrarianism ends up making them look worse than what they wanted Vaush to look.

You advice has been very helpful. Some of it I've already known, and have had some trouble applying. Anyway I should probably be taking notes on my cultivation classes. I think that's a good way to end a conversation, there is always something you should probably be doing. He's right.

For your information, you don't have to be hungry to lose fat. Developing healthy eating habits like regular meals, proper food choices that fall within the calorie deficit so that you can eat your stomach truly full are one of the great cornerstones of improving your eating habits and losing weight. Additionally, going to gym and building muscle increases your metabolism slowly and most importantly it increases the rate of burning of calories while you're inactive, sleeping etc. due to your body taking what it needs to maintain your new bigger muscles. Being hungry often while dieting is actually the most common way to relapse back to the old eating habits because humans are wired to want to eat extremely calorie-rich foods when their brain's telling them they're out of fuel. Keep yourself fed on low calorie foods regularly.

Thank you horse man

I'm at a point with my weight where I'm kinda content if it were to stay where it is, but I also want to lose a bit more, but I also don't have the motivation right now to put the work in. Granted, that's how I felt 50 pounds ago for 5 years. The scales are tipping back towards wanting to lose weight again, though. I know that I'll be happier in the long run if I lose a bit more, but it can sometimes be hard to break out of contentment after having known depression for so much of my life. There's a degree of anxiety surrounding any change away from this, to be honest.

this segment was super helpful, hope he does one on online social interactions someday

gonna send this to my friend group of depressive neurodivergent bros

This video has been very helpful to me. Thanks man

Why did you splice out the best part, catboy Voosh saying "nya"? Outrageous!

Thanks for the video because I'm always self conscious and I feel that prevents me from talking with others more

You know that's funny the way you describe life. It's actually remind me of a story I've been trying to write for a villain I've been making. Mainly for a videogame. So here's the premise. Long ago in another world there is a human who a servant to the goddess of death and is cursed to have eternal life unless he willingly gives up on his life or the goddess of death releases him from his curse. He of course perserveres through life until a terrible tragedy strikes the goddess of death herself dies to a mightly godslayer. "The Deathless One" is of course furious with this as he grew a more intimate relationship with the Goddess and proceeds to fight the Goldslayer and despite having the strenght of a mere human he preserves solely because of his curse. After this altercation and mourning over his lost lover he keep on living learning Microbilogy, Engineering, Astomomy, Quantum Mechanics, History. Until there is almost nothing that he doesnt know. He overtime though starts to ponder the value of life as a whole and reality as a whole. Long story short he comes to the conclusion that life is not worth living and in fact the continuation of all life throughout existence throughout every timeline and throughout the multiverse creates unneeded suffering. The Deathless One would go on to created machines and robots and AI to fight for this philosophy and The Deathless One himself would augment his body to surpass his limitations. With his newfound power he would destroy humanity leave the planet and sail across the dark sea of space to destroy all life. Creating powerful intergalactic and inter universal traveling technologies to help in his goal of genociding all worlds. Eventually the Deathless One would discover the most powerful thing in existence. "The Heart of the Multiverse" (Its a placeholder name) A powerful conceptual fragment of existence that acts as the source code of the multiverse which allows to for the infinite possible permutations of reality to play out through infinite worlds. With his mighty hammer made for Roboticium he shattered this source code and in the process absorbed some of its power and caused the multiverse to be in disarray. The gods who were born from the Heart of the Multiverse and that now govern the multiverse began to stir in panic realizing that all of existence was slowly crumbling into a state of permanent pre-existence. The gods of course couldn't challenge The Deathless One and his newfound power so the Goddess of Life made a plan to call upon heroes throughout the multiverse and imbue them with a curse of eternal life as long as they maintain the will to live. In an attempt to create a champion strong enough to defeat the Deathless One. This is where to player fits in. The player is one of many champions who is next in line in the attempt to persevere through the destruction of the multiverse defeat what remains of the The Deathless One's army and defeat the foe who cant die who wields a power without equal.

When society needs war-tribunals and strategies for "socializing", you know society is super worth it, guys.

I have one goal in life at this moment and it's getting myself out of the hellhole that is my sleep disorder. I can't study or work a job, my room is in disarray, and day to day my ability to do anything (with focus or physically moving around) is extremely limited. I end up being at my computer most of the day, playing games (only ever for a couple hours), watching youtube/anime or browsing reddit. I want to do more and every know and then I feel better to the point where I try to do as much as everyone else does. Then I get back to being fatigued and disappointed. But since I changed my goal from 'finish high school' to 'look after my health' after dropping out in year 12 things have gotten significantly better. allowing my physical and mental wellness to come first has lead me to taking a lot of action to improve it. So even though it feels as though I'm just as deathly tired now as before, I'm much happier. vaush's advice is correct, but painful too because what I have is so obtuse and yet unchanged so far. Gonna take me at least a year or 2 to see if surgery fixes it (not seen as life threatening even though my fatigue is ruining my life)

Vaush needs to talk about this sort of stuff more often. I think is important for the terminally online left

haha I love it when I have given myself such a phscological choke hold on acting on my feelings that I have already prepared every reason i can to avoid comfronting them. Right at this moment I even know I am killing myself emotionally, but so be it... so be it... Im not even awkward when I talk, some people would even consider me quite well spoken, but I feel like I have already lost someone before I even open my mouth, and after that is just all the automated learned mechanisms taking over.

I am at a point in my life where I could potentially try to be more social or not. Ive already made progress in ways I didn't expect. Of course, with progress, there is always regression in your goals. What I think needs to be understood most of all about not being anxious in social settings is that your motivation for socializing will most likely determine how successful you will be. A lot of people say that getting over your fear is as simple as confronting it and not allowing yourself to run away. The truth is though that learning to lessen the fear means you need to have the proper motivation and commitment to do the thing you fear. For example, it's one thing to say that I will talk with someone else that I don't know for the first time and try to do it. But, what is it that you really want to get out of the conversation and is the risk of the outcome worth what you are willing to say? That is something that I think all socially anxious people (including myself) need to ask themselves. Once you do that, I think that is when socializing becomes easier.

when Vaush was explaining all this someone in chat said "I'm an NPC" it was legit funny

You guy's ever missed the old vaush when he did more herione?

Honestly I've never had problems socializing and I'm fairly confident, but I like these videos.

my problem is that I want to talk about very specific things and the way I connect with people is through doing something together and not through talking. I can chat people up fine but I'm so unengaged unless we're "on a team" or otherwise doing a thing as a group. most people aren't like this, I don't know why I am.

Dude, I get an anxiety attack just listening about this high arithmetic. Sounds like fucking hell. And I used to wonder why talking to people drains me emotionally almost immediately.

Actually good advice

Honestly, this is advice I wish I got from my parents.

Every potential interaction carries with it a risk and a possible reward. In my personal and witnessed social experiences, the possible consequence more than likely outweighs the potential reward, and yes the conclusion of this is that it never makes sense to talk to anyone ever.

Building confidence is like building muscle, you gotta take small steps that turn into bigger steps. Also touching grass also helps greatly.

00:40 I'm certain I've heard a certain streamer say this exact thing in the past.

Charisma is the best dump stat tho

Whenever I'm in a conversation I and am worrying about them not wanting to be there I just infect them with the mold so there free will disappears

Those dates on food products are not expiration dates. People treat them like that but that's not what they are. They are subjective "best used by dates" or "best sold by dates" very subjective they are not objective.

Every guy has a fan club. One or more girls who find you attractive physically or otherwise. It’s your job to recognize them and to act.

No one knows what you want unless you tell them

I love when Vaush talks about non-political stuff

I currently feel like I'm dying from a sinus infection but a new Vaush video dropped so that's something to feel good about

A sweet vinegar like apple cider can start to regrow its "mother" after its expiration date. It doesn't make it inedible, but it does add a lot of extra stuff to the mix that makes it harder on the palate and stomach.

When he brought up vinegar...I thought of Mureal from courage the cowardly dog.. 🤣 He would like her food I'm sure!

It's kinda fucked up, I do really well in sitautions where others are uncomfortable, natural situation like I once had a double job interview, me and this other girl where being interviewed and I had absolutely no problem dealing with the situation. Or at work, others my age are often more shy and uncomfortable, while I have no problem being comfortable. But on the other hand, in situations where others are comfortable, and want to be social, like at parties, that's where I just completely die. I guess it's easy to be the confident one if everyone around you is operating on a much lower level, and diffucult to do, whem others are operating on a higher level. Maybe I'm completely socially unaware and just seem like a fool in 100 percent of situations.

What kind of question is, "what if I want to be a drug addict?" That doesn't even make sense. You can want to do drugs. An addict is someone that characteristically does drugs, even when they DON'T want to. It is paradoxical to want to be a drug addict.

I think I would actually better be a wall flower. I had some socializing goals and I've tried to achieve them but it's just too much. It was good before and this new stuff is not what I wanted to do.

oh my god vinegar and french fries is great, but you can't just eat toppings and condiments, that's crazy

Usually I wind up giving myself an out.

Beginner tier social advice

There are ways to lose weight without feeling to much hunger. Eat highly satiating foods that are high in protein, and space out your meals 3 to 4 a day will get you through a weight cut. No sneaky snacks in between.

I have found tea to be really helpful when I try to loose weight.

Vaush coming out with the Nietzsche takes XD

This is very Stoic

I feel like vaush oft forgets how many spoons just existing can take for some (particularly poorer) autistic folk. Like, idk, I watch these videos, and I think alot of the ones about socialing have some good advice, but for me at least, it feels coated in all the reasons I'm not good enough. Like, I struggle to manage to cook anything, much less something healthy on an average day. Idk, I'm a student and I work more than fulltime for less than part time pay, and it is just like... If I fought to do 1/10th the stuff here, I would burn out in a week. I try really hard to do as much as I can, but holy fuck it is never enough. Sorry, idk, sorry for rambling, just like, I feel like there is good info for folk like me here, but it is hard to actually get to with everything else and idk. Sorry.

Today I learned that most Americans don't put vinegar on chips, what the fuck.

I love these videos, vaush is fantastic on these subjects

Funny enough, this video comes out the day after I asked my Lesbian friend who I look up to as a sister, to hang out more since I am a closed off person.

People like it when you’re insane Just do that

i always knew people like you were well aware when somebody clearly wants to end the convo but is too uncomfortable to say it outright, so you just keep on with your spiel.

When was this segment recorded, cause I feel like I've heard him say this before

Wrong, I lost a lot of weight without hunger. The common pattern was always a big increase in regular activity. And this rout of exercise is not exactly a secret. In fact it is the commonly presented alternative to eating less. Of course this not a fast method.

Gonna act on my desire to argue with conservatives

"You have to be hungry to lose weight" This is bullshit as long as you are burning more calories then you are taking in you will lose weight. If all you do is diet, yes you will be hungry. But if you excercise a lot you can definitely still eat multiple full meals a day and lose weight. I feel like everyone just talks about diet when it comes to weight loss when in my experience, excercise is just as important if not moreso.

What if you want to achieve something that isn't possible, like being shorter or having a thinner skeletal structure?

No means yes

Giving me advice? Who do you think you are, Jordan Peterson?

why does he talk like a pathologic voiceactor in this lmao

I’m still a joker though

9:12 yeah i feel constant shame cuz i'm fat but i'm in no place to loose weight as of yet. I'm not allowed to go out unless its with parents so i have nothing better to do than eat, play videogames/read etc. Plus like fuck am i giving up most of the foods i eat cuz i hate the feeling of starving myself lmao and most foods (that happen to be healther stuff unfortunatly) genuinly make me sick to eat cus of taste and textures. I am contempt with me being fat rn tho because if i loose weight i'd look more like a female body type which eww. but i'd also love to be able to do things that i can;t do cuz i'm fat.

Vaush is an Epicurean... good for him n.n 6:45

I reject this message, and will pathetically continue to embrace the ways of Joker!

Omg i remember destiny talking about this exact thing wow what a conicidink

bababooey

I'm actually very sad that the joker is used as a symbol for a lot of negative things and traits, which isolated I can understand because, well, the character is an accumulation of negative traits, but I think that the movie is really great, so I still don't really understand.

Vaush's 12 Tips to Toddlers

Last.

I have never in my life heard a more sociopathic description of how to how a conversation. "Since obviously you can understand your conversational partners motivations just as well as your own, just control the conversation the right way. You're the only one in control of it, so make sure you are nice and allow them to disengage if they wish." Wtf.

I love the fact that vaush assumes we all get invited to parties and social events all the time for this to be applicable. You can't just do all this with any rando you see on the street.

I wonder if the Amazing Atheist will actually become king of the world?

Ew, socializing.

First.

booooooo

This might be the first time I disagree with Vaush about interpersonal stuff. Whats he's describing is being dishonest in order to have a nicer conversation. It might be a good thing in some or most situations, but it's still dishonest. It's just being even more dishonest to pretend like that isn't the case.

first? :D

Haven't watched the video yet but I focus on quality over quantity. I'm pretty introverted and I don't think I could handle more than the 3 good friends I have as well as my girlfriend.

If Individual actions were the solution, it wouldnt be an issue in the first place. Pretty sure I've heard Vaush say this himself. Very strange backpedal.

Gay