Advice I'd give to my younger Autistic self 

What I wish I had learned more than anything else when younger would be to genuinely not prioritise what other people think of me whilst maintaining my own self respect.

There is no such thing as a universally "age appropriate" interest, and don't let people try to control your life or finances just because they don't think your hobbies and interests reflect your age in their mind.

I was born in 1955 and I am the mother of six adult children. When my eldest was in college in the nineties, she was diagnosed with ADHD and wrote home to share patterns of neurodivergence she saw in other members of our family. So, when i was in my forties, I, along with my teenagers still living at home, discovered we were ADHDers. In my fifties, i was seeing a therapist during a mental breakdown and again had the ADHD diagnosis confirmed. Lately, watching your excellent content along with some other RU-vidrs, I have become convinced that I am also dyspraxic and autistic. I so appreciate all that you have shared, Irene, which has contributed to my self awareness. It is helping me a lot. As far as advice, I have two things that come to mind. First, I raised my children to be very traditional, but now i am very glad that they live with their partners for a while before getting married. My own marriage was very damaging to my mental health. I did not know myself well enough to make such a commitment, and nine months after the wedding i became a mother. I masked and people- pleased and ignored my body's signals for decades and i became quite broken down, both phsically and mentally. So my advice concerning relationships is to go slowly and recognize that change is not failure and it's okay to move on if a partner is no longer a good fit. My second bit of advice is to prioritize self-care. Be kind and explain yourself to relatives as much as you can, but if you need time away from family in order to be well, take it. Two of my children are currently estranged from me and it hurts very much. But i would rather they take care of their mental health needs, even if it hurts me, than that they jeopardize their own wellness in order to spare my feelings. Reach out to parents a little if you can, but if you can't, choose yourself. No one can take care of you the way that only you can. Heed your wisest impulses. I appreciate your championing community, Irene. I had almost lost hope of ever finding others who could understand me, but your kindmess and outreach is encouraging. Thank you. 💜

Fear and excitement feel the same in the body. If you can reframe "I’m so nervous" to "I’m so excited" in your mind, that’s a huge shift!

I would advise my younger self to not respect doctors to the point, where I don't talk back. You doctor doesn't respect you? Call them out on it immediately, venting to your parents won't help.

Big up for watermelons!! Also healthy reminder, many of us are chronic over thinkers

I would say health... Take time to understand your body, where your organs are located, how your digestive system works. What foods that maybe taking away/ effecting your health due to allergies/ intolerances/ auto immune. If you are a person that has an uterus get to know about peri menopause symptoms, menopause, and bio identical hrt (especially taking prometrium) BEFORE these changes happen. Understand that Autistics can have hormone changes much earlier with much more severe symptoms. Prepare yourself when it comes to medical dismissiveness and/or gaslighting and it can be hard to navigate or self advocate. Our bodies go through a lot emotionally, spiritually, mentally. Rest. Nature. Look up Autigender and Autiqueer. Also, I would take the time to learn the concepts and language used for emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, boundaries and so on to help navigate your Autistic heart and mind. Love the video! 🍉

I am a teenager with borderline personality disorder and autism living in an abusive household. There are no foster care services available here, no accommodations and the mental health system is a mess, poverty is a whole another inevitable layer. My trauma doesnt let me sit doesnt let me rest, the only people that i can listen to on the internet are the ones who have CPTSD themselves or are licensed pros because they have the empathy to have space for complicated dynamics. When i heard you speaking all those things that ive heard them speak, it was a testament to the belief on test that humanity is not dead. Stigmatized personality disorders and the current trends on narcissism only make matters worse. In a loud chaotic place like that im grateful to have you as the sensation of a gentle breeze passing by. I felt heard. Currently im pushing myself to my limits so that i can get out of this house, earn a living and establish myself.... Thank you for speaking up Irene.. I'd give bucks to hear your whole rant if i had any 😂 Thank you for speaking up, i truly mean it in all seriousness..❤ No hyperbole intended.

Your earings!🤩 I love them!

I loved your philosophy at the end on how you see people functioning! The way i see it, our whole universe is organized in a structural pattern. From superclusters of galaxies down to the atomic/subatomic level. The way i understand this structure is that its a fractal, which is a pattern that repeats itself that has repeating characteristics zoomed in or out. And i think this applies to us, that our lives are fractals too. The way the same social patterns repeat from the dynamics of a household to the way a nation is run. How we encounter the same lessons over and over again in life until we can finally learn from it to break the pattern. Not to mention how generational trauma repeats and grows as more and more people are traumatized and traumatize others. It helps me keep compassion in my heart when I zoom out enough to see how much people are truly products of their environment. Are they responsible for their actions? Absolutely. But there is always room for compassion when you recognize that patterns and therefore people can change. (btw my profile pic is a fractal i drew, theyre a bit of a special interest for me lol)

thank you for this ❤ I’m 19 and this advice feel very much needed and corresponds to a lot of what I’m learning right now! Being a human person is so complicated

I mean I feel like shi.... at the moment because I got told stuff I really didn't need to know and it messed me up and at least a few times a day my brain decides "You should think about this again" and it feels like a gut punch every time.

Also working towards more self peace, IS an important lesson in growth. That time of letting go and doing nothing is some of the most productive and valuable time I've ever had

I also want to add that it’s okay to feel guilt. Defensiveness is an ego-protective mechanism that shuts down curiosity and keeps us safe in our myopic worldview even at the expense of others. That’s a natural human response, particularly for those with a lot of insecurity. When our nervous system is regulated we can see the way defensiveness is more of a hindrance to deep listening and becomes a barrier to gaining self-insight. It’s okay to feel ashamed of yourself for harmful behavior you’ve engaged in. Humans have evolved to feel guilt and shame for a reason. It’s there to alert us to potential threat and help us learn from our mistakes to hold ourselves accountable. Once we know better, it’s our responsibility to do better and doing better is going to look radically different for everyone.

Advice for your younger self and for the adult me that never had anyone to help navigate as myself and have always been in a constant state of chronic adaptations to every scenario. You introduced me to things I’ve been needing to hear. Thank you, pseudo-sister from another mister! You the best, fam!

Irene, idk if you will ever see this comment cuz I’m sure you get a lot but I just wanted to thank you for continue to make videos. I’ve been watching your videos only recently over (almost a year!) and it helped me come into terms with my autism. This video was very helpful for me despite being late 20’s, I need to heal from a lot of my CPTSD and now recognizing I don’t just have adhd I also have autism makes it healing but also painful to recognize “oh my god, I’m not just ‘weird’” but also still being in pain for how I was treated. I’ve listened to this twice, it’s helpful. I send your videos to my friends all the time. I look forward to listening to them often, they are very helpful. I’ve been trying to get help as someone who was high masking, and you are on of the RU-vidrs I’ve watched that began to make me peel the mask off. Thank you.

I would stress physical fitness to my younger self more than anything else.

This is so well put, this resonates a lot with my own thinking, especially your 'rant'. This is partially how i have built compassion for my own parents who did harm in the process of raising me, due to them being imperfect humans. And experiencing their own harm when they were growing up. Thank you for making this video ❤❤

Your channel is so important to me. Your words really help me everytime and it makes me feel like there's someone out there who understands me and is capable of thinking through things like I do. Thank you so much for making this channel and for sharing your knowledge, thoughts and experiences. Truly grateful.

This was a really great video. I admire your wisdom and the balance you've been able to create in your life. I learned I was autistic at age 29 and ADHD at 35. I'm 41 now. Still learning :). I think it would be hard to give advice to my younger self as many lessons have been circumstantial. I could say "be more optimistic", but it's hard for someone to be optimistic when they don't know what's possible. Someone could think they are choosing the best available option, it's only with hindsight that I realise what other options were available. I really like your maxim, "choose responsibility over regret", something that was good for me to hear today. I said the same thing to a friend yesterday, but not in so neat a phrase.

Mate,, I'm late diagnosed in my 40s and this is helping me!

Your advice and outlooks are so important 💌

please Irene, don't tell me I have to cry in front of others 😭💔😂 ugh that's not what I wanted to hear I cry *so much* - it is so deeply uncomfortable for other people to witness, which makes it so very terrible for me, it doesn't feel relieving at all yeah, I know, I need therapy

I love that your earrings also appear to be beaded ♥️✨🇵🇸

27:21 this just hit so hard about falling off on the deep end and leaning into not having anything good about them and in turn acting in that way

Thank you❤ I I’m going through the diagnostic process right now and hearing tips from someone, older and wiser is comforting to hear

Bang! Irene singing from the mountains of wisdom! 🎉 you should write a book 📖

You're like my therapist at this point 😅 thank you!

Great critique on growth as a society. Blame is an imploding, often pathological cycle. It's an inverse reflection of ourselves internally, but it externally mirrors off others in viral perfection, and there in lies the trap. Your distinction on letting go vs sacrifice was also fantastic. Nuance is true wisdom and you give it in spades in such a therapeutic way, thank you.

Hi Irene, I’m 20 years old and about to move into a new big city and start university, and I feel like I’m absolutely ready for the change but also so terrified about. I know I need to jump into the cold water, yet sometimes I feel like a child unqualified to navigate the adult world. I’m about 10 minutes into the video and I love love love the points you are making, the structure, how you put it and the details you bring in. Thank you so much for all your work on here, you’ve been really important to my selfdiscovery the past months. Greetings from Germany! ❤️

I'm 39, self realized 2 years ago, and received my daughter's diagnosis early this year. I can't lie, this one stirred up some sh*t. All I can say is, never just go along with it

Thanks for the video; I like it a lot

Thank you so much! 🙏

Great video. Thank you so much!

All the truth here - thank you for sharing this

Super love your earrings!

53 year old autistic mom of a 19 year old son. I so appreciate everything you share, Irene. I learn from you. What I would advise my younger self is to be proud of who I am and to show that to my child. What I realize in retrospect is that I raised him in such a way that he would not be bullied. Because I was so ashamed of my “brokenness“ I taught him to mask highly. I don’t know if he is autistic but he did recently get diagnosed with ADHD. He is a deeply sensitive person and right now. He is very shut down to his feelings and very self protective. So I think what I would say to my younger self is too, parent with pride and give my child, a balance of self-love and generosity and kindness towards others. I believe I emphasized the first part, but not the second part enough.

love your earrings ❤️ 🇵🇸

🍉 🥹💕

This is all excellent advice for survivors of complex trauma in childhood as well. Then again, there is a huge overlap of survivors of emotional and mental abuse/neglect and autistic people already so I guess this makes sense

Hi Irene, your channel has been helping me a lot, and even inspired me to make my own videos! If possible, I would love to hear your opinions about work, I've been struggling a lot with that recently, and feeling really bad because of it, and I know many neurodivergent people struggle with that too

I don't know why this video made me feel so bad.

stop why is this one making me cri lol

I would like to go back in time and tell myself, "You're probably autistic. You should learn what that means and how to work around it to get what you want." Another piece of advice I would give myself is to not let that girl I like get away. I know it wouldn't be socially approved at the time, but we were pretty close then, and we would have been very good for each other. But that's the past, and as Wade said, Summer doesn't always come again.

Hi all my fellow Neurodivergents hopefully your all doing well Have a good day

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will you make another video where you dive deeper into creating safe spaces for ourselves and others to grow. I loved how you brought up healing in leftist spaces, and we need to talk about learning, teaching, community and ego

Ahem.. I love your earrings, girly! 😏

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❤ 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

Que cambiarias en el mundo si pudieras

Fantastic insight even for those of us in our 30s ❤️‍🩹

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